Thesethingsweredoneyesterday：Ihavegiventwowholedaystothepreparationforourdeparture，thatFrederickmayhavemoretimetopreparetherooms，andRacheltopackupthethings——forthelattertaskmustbedonewiththeutmostcautionandsecresy，andthereisnoonebutmetoassisther：Icanhelptogetthearticlestogether，butIdonotunderstandtheartofstowingthemintotheboxes，soastotakeupthesmallestpossiblespace；andthereareherownthingstodo，aswellasmineandArthur’s。Icanillaffordtoleaveanythingbehind，sinceIhavenomoney，exceptafewguineasinmypurse；——andbesides，asRachelobserved，whateverIleftwouldmostlikelybecomethepropertyofMissMyers，andIshouldnotrelishthat。
ButwhattroubleIhavehadthroughoutthesetwodaysstrugglingtoappearcalmandcollected——tomeethimandherasusual，whenIwasobligedtomeetthem，andforcingmyselftoleavemylittleArthurinherhandsforhourstogether！ButItrustthesetrialsareovernow：Ihavelaidhiminmybedforbettersecurity，andnevermore，Itrust，shallhisinnocentlipsbedefiledbytheircontaminatingkisses，orhisyoungearspollutedbytheirwords。Butshallweescapeinsafety？Oh，thatthemorningwerecome，andwewereonourwayatleast！Thisevening，whenIhadgivenRachelalltheassistanceIcould，andhadnothingleftmebuttowait，andwishandtremble，Ibecamesogreatlyagitated，thatI
knewnotwhattodo。Iwentdowntodinner，butIcouldnotforcemyselftoeat。Mr。Huntingdonremarkedthecircumstance。
`What’stodowithyounow？’saidhe，whentheremovalofthesecondcoursegavehimtimetolookabouthim。
`Iamnotwell，’Ireplied：`IthinkImustliedownalittleyouwon’tmissmemuch？’
`Nottheleast；ifyouleaveyourchair，it’lldojustaswell——betteratrifle，’hemutteredasIlefttheroom，`forIcanfancysomebodyelsefillsit。’
`Somebodyelsemayfillitto-morrow，’Ithought——butdidnotsay。`There！I’veseenthelastofyou，Ihope，’ImutteredasIclosedthedooruponhim。
Rachelurgedmetoseekrepose，atonce，torecruitmystrengthforto-morrow’sjourney，aswemustbegonebeforethedawn，butinmypresentstateofnervousexcitement，thatwasentirelyoutofthequestion。
Itwasequallyoutofthequestiontosit，orwanderaboutmyroom，countingthehoursandtheminutesbetweenmeandtheappointedtimeofaction，strainingmyearsandtremblingateverysoundlestsomeoneshoulddiscoverandbetrayusafterall。Itookupabookandtriedtoread。Myeyeswanderedoverthepages，butitwasimpossibletobindmythoughtstotheircontents。
Whynothaverecoursetotheoldexpedient，andaddthislasteventtomychronicle？Iopeneditspagesoncemore，andwrotetheaboveaccount——withdifficulty，atfirst，butgraduallymymindbecamemorecalmandsteady。
Thusseveralhourshavepastaway：thetimeisdrawingnear；——andnowmyeyesfeelheavy，andmyframeexhausted：IwillcommendmycausetoGod，andthenliedownandgainanhourortwoofsleep；andthen！——
LittleArthursleepssoundly。Allthehouseisstill：therecanbenoonewatching。TheboxeswereallcordedbyBenson，andquietlyconveyeddownthebackstairsafterdusk，andsentawayinacarttotheM——coach-office。
ThenameuponthecardswasMrs。Graham，whichappellationImeanhenceforthtoadopt。Mymother’smaidennamewasGraham，andthereforeIfancyIhavesomeclaimtoit，andpreferittoanyother，exceptmyown，whichIdarenotresume。
TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter44CHAPTERXLIVTHERETREATOctober24th——ThankHeaven，Iamfreeandsafeatlast！——Earlywerose，swiftlyandquietlydressed，slowlyandstealthilydescendedtothehall，whereBensonstoodreadywithalighttoopenthedoorandfastenitafterus。Wewereobligedtoletonemanintooursecretonaccountoftheboxes，&；c。Alltheservantswerebuttoowellacquaintedwiththeirmaster’sconduct，andeitherBensonorJohnwouldhavebeenwillingtoserveme，butastheformerwasmorestaidandelderly，andacronyofRachel’sbesides，Iofcoursedirectedhertomakechoiceofhimasherassistantandconfidantontheoccasion，asfarasnecessitydemanded。Ionlyhopehemaynotbebroughtintotroublethereby，andonlywishIcouldrewardhimfortheperilousservicehewassoreadytoundertake。Islippedtwoguineasintohishand，bywayofremembrance，ashestoodinthedoor-way，holdingthecandletolightourdeparture，withatearinhishonestgreyeyeandahostofgoodwishesdepictedonhissolemncountenance。Alas！Icouldoffernomore：Ihadbarelysufficientremainingfortheprobableexpensesofthejourney。
Whattremblingjoyitwaswhenthelittlewicketclosedbehindus，asweissuedfromthepark！Then，foronemoment，Ipaused，toinhaleonedraughtofthatcool，bracingair，andventureonelookbackuponthehouse。Allwasdarkandstill；nolightglimmeredinthewindows；nowreathofsmokeobscuredthestarsthatsparkledaboveitinthefrostysky。AsIbadefarewellforevertothatplace，thesceneofsomuchguiltandmisery，IfeltgladthatIhadnotleftitbefore，fornowtherewasnodoubtabouttheproprietyofsuchastep——noshadowofremorseforhimIleftbehind：therewasnothingtodisturbmyjoybutthefearofdetection；
andeverystepremovedusfartherfromthechanceofthat。
WehadleftGrassdalemanymilesbehindusbeforetheround，redsunarosetowelcomeourdeliverance，andifanyinhabitantofitsvicinityhadchancedtoseeusthen，aswebowledalongonthetopofthecoach，Iscarcelythinktheywouldhavesuspectedouridentity。AsIintendtobetakenforawidowIthoughtitadvisabletoentermynewabodeinmourning：
Iwasthereforeattiredinaplainblacksilkdressandmantle，ablackveil(whichIkeptcarefullyovermyfaceforthefirsttwentyorthirtymilesofthejourney)，andablacksilkbonnet，whichIhadbeenconstrainedtoborrowofRachelforwantofsuchanarticlemyself——itwasnotinthenewestfashion，ofcourse；butnonetheworseforthat，underpresentcircumstances。
Arthurwascladinhisplainestclothes，andwrappedinacoarsewoollenshawl；andRachelwasmuffledinagreycloakandhoodthathadseenbetterdays，andgavehermoretheappearanceofanordinary，thoughdecentoldwoman，thanofalady’smaid。
Oh，whatdelightitwastobethusseatedaloft，rumblingalongthebroad，sunshinyroad，withthefreshmorningbreezeinmyface，surroundedbyanunknowncountryallsmiling——cheerfully，gloriously，smilingintheyellowlustreofthoseearlybeams，——withmydarlingchildinmyarms，almostashappyasmyselfandmyfaithfulfriendbesideme；aprisonanddespairbehindme，recedingfarther，fartherbackateveryclatterofthehorses’feet，——andlibertyandhopebefore！IcouldhardlyrefrainfrompraisingGodaloudformydeliverance，orastonishingmyfellowpassengersbysomesurprisingout-burstofhilarity。
Butthejourneywasaverylongone，andwewereallwearyenoughbeforethecloseofit。ItwasfarintothenightwhenwereachedthetownofL，andstillweweresevenmilesfromourjourney’send；andtherewasnomorecoaching——oranyconveyancetobehad，exceptacommoncart——andthatwiththegreatestdifficulty，forhalfthetownwasinbed。Andadrearyridewehadofitthatlaststageofthejourney，coldandwearyaswewere；sittingonourboxes，withnothingtoclingto，nothingtoleanagainst，slowlydraggedandcruellyshakenovertherough，hillyroads。
ButArthurwasasleepinRachel’slap，andbetweenuswemanagedprettywelltoshieldhimfromthecoldnightair。
Atlastwebegantoascendaterriblysteepandstonylanewhich，inspiteofthedarkness，Rachelsaidsherememberedwell：shehadoftenwalkedtherewithmeinherarms，andlittlethoughttocomeagainsomanyyearsafter，undersuchcircumstancesasthepresent。Arthurbeingnowawakenedbythejoltingandthestoppages，weallgotoutandwalked。Wehadnotfartogo；butwhatifFrederickshouldnothavereceivedmyletter？
orifheshouldnothavehadtimetopreparetheroomsforourreception；
andweshouldfindthemalldark，damp，andcomfortless；destituteoffood，fire，andfurniture，afterallourtoil？
Atlengththegrim，darkpileappearedbeforeus。Thelaneconductedusroundbythebackway。Weenteredthedesolatecourt，andinbreathlessanxietysurveyedtheruinousmass。Wasitallblacknessanddesolation？
No；onefaintredglimmercheeredusfromawindowwherethelatticewasingoodrepair。Thedoorwasfastened，butafterdueknockingandwaiting，andsomeparleyingwithavoicefromanupperwindow，wewereadmitted，byanoldwomanwhohadbeencommissionedtoairandkeepthehousetillourarrival，——intoatolerablysnuglittleapartment，formerlythesculleryofthemansion，whichFrederickhadnowfittedupasakitchen。Heresheprocuredusalight，rousedthefiretoacheerfulblaze，andsoonpreparedasimplerepastforourrefreshment；whilewedisencumberedourselvesofourtravellinggear，andtookahastysurveyofournewabode。Besidesthekitchenthereweretwobedrooms，agoodsizedparlour，andanothersmallerone，whichIdestinedformystudio，allwellairedandseeminglyingoodrepair，butonlypartlyfurnishedwithafewoldarticles，chieflyofponderousblackoak——theveritableonesthathadbeentherebefore，andwhichhadbeenkeptasantiquarianrelicsinmybrother’spresentresidence，andnowinallhaste，transportedbackagain。
TheoldwomanbroughtmysupperandArthur’sintotheparlour，andtoldme，withalldueformality，that`ThemasterdesiredhiscomplimentstoMrs。Graham，andhehadpreparedtheroomsaswellashecoulduponsoshortanotice，buthewoulddohimselfthepleasureofcallinguponherto-morrow，toreceiveherfurthercommands。’
Iwasgladtoascendthestern-lookingstonestaircase，andliedowninthegloomyold-fashionedbed，besidemylittleArthur。Hewasasleepinaminute；but，wearyasIwas，myexcitedfeelingsandrestlesscogitationskeptmeawaketilldawnbegantostrugglewiththedarkness；butsleepwassweetandrefreshingwhenitcame，andthewakingwasdelightfulbeyondexpression。ItwaslittleArthurthatrousedme，withhisgentlekisses：——hewashere，then——safelyclaspedinmyarms，andmanyleaguesawayfromhisunworthyfather！——Broaddaylightilluminedtheapartment，forthesunwashighinheaven，thoughobscuredbyrollingmassesofautumnalvapour。
Thescene，indeed，wasnotremarkablycheerfulinitself，eitherwithinorwithout。Thelargebareroomwithitsgrimoldfurniture，thenarrow，latticedwindows，revealingthedull，greyskyaboveandthedesolatewildernessbelow，wherethedarkstonewallsandirongate，therankgrowthofgrassandweeds，andthehardyever-greensofpreternaturalforms，aloneremainedtotellthattherehadbeenonceagarden，——andthebleakandbarrenfieldsbeyondmighthavestruckmeasgloomyenoughatanothertime，butnow，eachseparateobjectseemedtoechobackmyownexhilaratingsenseofhopeandfreedom：indefinitedreamsofthefarpastandbrightanticipationsofthefutureseemedtogreetmeateveryturn。Ishouldrejoicewithmoresecurity，tobesure，hadthebroadsearolledbetweenmypresentandmyformerhomes，butsurelyinthislonelyspotImightremainunknown；andthen，Ihadmybrotherheretocheermysolitudewithhisoccasionalvisits。
Hecamethatmorning；andIhavehadseveralinterviewswithhimsince；butheisobligedtobeverycautiouswhenandhowhecomes：notevenhisservants，orhisbestfriendsmustknowofhisvisitstoWildfell——exceptonsuchoccasionsasalandlordmightbeexpectedtocalluponastrangertenant——lestsuspicionshouldbeexcitedagainstme，whetherofthetruthorofsomeslanderousfalsehood。
Ihavenowbeenherenearlyafortnight，andbutforonedisturbingcare，thehauntingdreadofdiscovery，Iamcomfortablysettledinmynewhome：Frederickhassuppliedmewithallrequisitefurnitureandpaintingmaterials：Rachelhassoldmostofmyclothesforme，inadistanttown，andprocuredmeawardrobemoresuitabletomypresentposition：Ihaveasecondhandpiano，andatolerablywell-stockedbookcaseinmyparlour；
andmyotherroomhasassumedquiteaprofessional，business-likeappearancealready。Iamworkinghardtorepaymybrotherforallhisexpensesonmyaccount；notthatthereistheslightestnecessityforanythingofthekind，butitpleasesmetodoso：Ishallhavesomuchmorepleasureinmylabour，myearnings，myfrugalfare，andhouseholdeconomy，whenIknowthatIampayingmywayhonestly，andthatwhatlittleIpossessislegitimatelyallmyown；andthatnoonesuffersformyfolly——inapecuniarywayatleast——IshallmakehimtakethelastpennyIowehim，ifIcanpossiblyeffectitwithoutoffendinghimtoodeeply。Ihaveafewpicturesalreadydone，forItoldRacheltopackupallIhad；andsheexecutedhercommissionbuttoowell，foramongtherest，sheputupaportraitofMr。HuntingdonthatIhadpaintedinthefirstyearofmymarriage。Itstruckmewithdismay，atthemoment，whenItookitfromtheboxandbeheldthoseeyesfixeduponmeintheirmockingmirth，asifexulting，still，inhispowertocontrolmyfate，andderidingmyeffortstoescape。
