`No；butIdon’twanttolullyoutofalsesecurity。Ifaconsciousnessoftheuncertaintyoflifecandisposeyoutoseriousandusefulthoughts，Iwouldnotdepriveyouofthebenefitofsuchreflections，whetheryoudoeventuallyrecoverornot。Doestheideaofdeathappalyouverymuch？’
`It’sjusttheonlythingIcan’tbeartothinkof；soifyou’veany——’
`Butitmustcomesometime，’interruptedI；`andifitbeyearshence，itwillascertainlyovertakeyouasifitcameto-day，——andnodoubtbeasunwelcomethenasnow，unlessyou——’
`Oh，hangit！don’ttormentmewithyourpreachmentsnow，unlessyouwanttokillmeoutright——Ican’tstandit，Itellyou——I’vesufferingsenoughwithoutthat。Ifyouthinkthere’sdanger，savemefromit；andthen，ingratitude，I’llhearwhateveryouliketosay。’
Iaccordinglydroppedtheunwelcometopic。Andnow，Frederick，IthinkImaybringmylettertoaclose。Fromthesedetails，youmayformyourownjudgmentofthestateofmypatient，andofmyownpositionandfutureprospects。Letmehearfromyousoon，andIwillwriteagaintotellyouhowwegeton；butnowthatmypresenceistolerated——andevenrequiredinthesick-room，Ishallhavebutlittletimetosparebetweenmyhusbandandmyson，——forImustnotentirelyneglectthelatter：itwouldnotdotokeephimalwayswithRachel，andIdarenotleavehimforamomentwithanyoftheotherservants，orsufferhimtobealone，lestheshouldmeetthem。Ifhisfathergetworse，IshallaskEstherHargravetotakechargeofhimforatime，tillIhavere-organizedthehouseholdatleast；butIgreatlypreferkeepinghimundermyowneye。
Ifindmyselfinratherasingularposition：Iamexertingmyutmostendeavourstopromotetherecoveryandreformationofmyhusband，andifIsucceedwhatshallIdo？Myduty，ofcourse，——Buthow？——Nomatter；
Icanperformthetaskthatisbeforemenow，andGodwillgivemestrengthtodowhateverHerequireshereafter。foodbye，dearFrederick。
HelenHuntingdon。
`Whatdoyouthinkofit？’saidLawrenceasIsilentlyrefoldedtheletter。
`Itseemstome，’returnedI，`thatsheiscastingherpearlsbeforeswine。Maytheybesatisfiedwithtramplingthemundertheirfeet，andnotturnagainandrendher！’ButIshallsaynomoreagainsther：
Iseethatshewasactuatedbythebestandnoblestmotivesinwhatshehasdone；andiftheactisnotawiseone，mayHeavenprotectherfromitsconsequences！MayIkeepthisletter，Lawrence？——youseeshehasneveroncementionedmethroughout——ormadethemostdistantallusiontome；
therefore，therecanbenoimproprietyorharminit。’
`Andtherefore，whyshouldyouwishtokeepit？’
`Werenotthesecharacterswrittenbyherhand？andwerenotthesewordsconceivedinhermind，andmanyofthemspokenbyherlips？’
`Well，’saidhe。AndsoIkeptit；otherwise，Halford，youcouldneverhavebecome50thoroughlyacquaintedwithitscontents。
`Andwhenyouwrite，’saidI，`willyouhavethegoodnesstoaskherifImaybepermittedtoenlightenmymotherandsisteronherrealhistoryandcircumstance，justsofarasisnecessarytomaketheneighbourhoodsensibleoftheshamefulinjusticetheyhavedoneher？Iwantnotendermessages，butjustaskherthat，andtellheritisthegreatestfavourshecoulddome；andtellher——no，nothingmore——YouseeIknowtheaddress，andImightwritetohermyself，butIamsovirtuousastorefrain。’
`Well，I’lldothisforyou，Markham。’
`Andassoonasyoureceiveananswer，you’llletmeknow？’
`Ifallbewell，I’llcomemyselfandtellyou，immediately。’
TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter48CHAPTERXLVIIIFURTHERINTELLIGENCEFiveorsixdaysafterthis，Mr。Lawrencepaidusthehonourofacall；
andwhenheandIwerealonetogether——whichIcontrivedassoonaspossible，bybringinghimouttolookatmycornstacks——heshowedmeanotherletterfromhissister。Thisonehewasquitewillingtosubmittomylonginggaze：hethought，Isuppose，itwoulddomegood。Theonlyansweritgavetomymessagewasthis：
`Mr。Markhamisatlibertytomakesuchrevelationsconcerningmeashejudgesnecessary。HewillknowthatIshouldwishbutlittletobesaidonthesubject。Ihopeheiswell；buttellhimhemustnotthinkofme。’
Icangiveyouafewextractsfromtherestoftheletter，forIwaspermittedtokeepthisalso——perhaps，asanantidotetoallpernicioushopesandfancies。
Heisdecidedlybetter，butverylowfromthedepressingeffectsofhissevereillnessandthestrictregimenheisobligedtoobserve——sooppositetoallhisprevioushabits。Itisdeplorabletoseehowcompletelyhispastlifehasdegeneratedhisoncenobleconstitution，andvitiatedthewholesystemofhisorganization。Butthedoctorsayshemaynowbeconsideredoutofdanger，ifhewillonlycontinuetoobservethenecessaryrestrictions。Somestimulatingcordialshemusthave，buttheyshouldbejudiciouslydilutedandsparinglyused；andIfinditverydifficulttokeephimtothis。Atfirst，hisextremedreadofdeathrenderedthetaskaneasyone；butinproportionashefeelshisacutesufferingabatingandseesthedangerreceding，themoreintractablehebecomes。Nowalso，hisappetiteforfoodisbeginningtoreturn；andheretoo，hislonghabitsofself-indulgencearegreatlyagainsthim。IwatchandrestrainhimaswellasIcan，andoftengetbitterlyabusedformyrigidseverity；andsometimeshecontrivestoilludemyvigilance，andsometimesactsinopenoppositiontomywill。ButheisnowsocompletelyreconciledtomyattendanceingeneralthatheisneversatisfiedwhenIamnotbyhisside。Iamobligedtobealittlestiffwithhimsometimes，orhewouldmakeacompleteslaveofme；andIknowitwouldbeunpardonableweaknesstogiveupallotherinterestsforhim。IhavetheservantstooverlookandmylittleArthurtoattendto，——andmyownhealthtoo，allofwhichwouldbeentirelyneglectedwereItosatisfyhisexorbitantdemands。Idonotgenerallysitupatnights，forIthinkthenursewhohasmadeitherbusiness，isbetterqualifiedforsuchundertakingsthanIam；butstill，anunbrokennight’srestiswhatIbutseldomenjoy，andnevercanventuretoreckonupon；formypatientmakesnoscrupleofcallingmeupatanyhourwhenhiswantsorhisfanciesrequiremypresence。Butheismanifestlyafraidofmydispleasure；andifatonetimehetriesmypatiencebyhisunreasonableexactions，andfretfulcomplaintsandreproaches，atanother，hedepressesmebyhisabjectsubmissionanddeprecatoryself-abasementwhenhefearshehasgonetoofar。ButallthisIcanreadilypardon；Iknowitischieflytheresultofhisenfeebledframeanddisorderednerves——whatannoysmethemost，ishisoccasionalattemptsataffectionatefondnessthatIcanneithercreditnorreturn；notthatIhatehim：hissufferingsandmyownlaboriouscarehavegivenhimsomeclaimtomyregard——tomyaffectioneven，ifhewouldonlybequietandsincere，andcontenttoletthingsremainastheyare，butthemorehetriestoconciliatemethemoreIshrinkfromhimandfromthefuture。
`Helen，whatdoyoumeantodowhenIgetwell？’heaskedthismorning。`Willyourunawayagain？’
`Itentirelydependsuponyourownconduct。’
`Oh，I’llbeverygood。’
`ButifIfinditnecessarytoleaveyou，Arthur，Ishallnot“runaway：“youknowIhaveyourownpromisethatImaygowheneverIplease，andtakemysonwithme。
`Oh，butyoushallhavenocause。’Andthenfollowedavarietyofprofessions，whichIrathercoldlychecked。
`Willyounotforgivemethen？’saidhe。
`Yes，——Ihaveforgivenyou；butIknowyoucannotlovemeasyouoncedid——andIshouldbeverysorryifyouwereto，forIcouldnotpretendtoreturnit：soletusdropthesubject，andneverrecurtoitagain。BywhatIhavedoneforyou，youmayjudgeofwhatIwilldo——ifitbenotincompatiblewiththehigherdutyIowetomyson(higher，becauseheneverforfeitedhisclaims，andbecauseIhopetodomoregoodtohimthanIcaneverdotoyou)；andifyouwishmetofeelkindlytowardsyou，itisdeedsnotwordsthatmustpurchasemyaffectionandesteem。
Hissolereplytothiswasaslightgrimace，andascarcelyperceptibleshrug。Alasunhappyman！words，withhim，aresomuchcheaperthandeeds；
itwasasifIhadsaid，`Pounds，notpence，mustbuythearticleyouwant。’
Andthenhesighedaquerulous，self-commiseratingsigh，asifinpureregretthathe，thelovedandcourtedofsomanyworshippers，shouldbenowabandonedtothemercyofaharsh，exacting，cold-heartedwomanlikethat，andevengladofwhatkindnessshechosetobestow。
`It’sapity，isn’tit？’saidI；andwhetherIrightlydivinedhismusingsornot，theobservationchimedinwithhisthoughts，forheanswered——`Itcan’tbehelped，’witharuefulsmileatmypenetration。
IhaveseenEstherHargravetwice。Sheisacharmingcreature，butherblithespiritisalmostbroken，andhersweettemperalmostspoiled，bythestillunremittingpersecutionsofhermother，inbehalfofherrejectedsuitor——notviolent，butwearisomeandunremittinglikeacontinualdropping。
Theunnaturalparentseemsdeterminedtomakeherdaughter’slifeaburdenifshewillnotyieldtoherdesires。
`Mammadoesallshecan，’saidshe，`tomakemefeelmyselfaburdenandincumbrancetothefamily，andthemostungrateful，selfish，andundutifuldaughterthateverwasborn；andWalter，too，isassternandcold，andhaughtyasifhehatedmeoutright。IbelieveIshouldhaveyieldedatonceifIhadknown，fromthebeginning，howmuchresistancewouldhavecostme；butnow，forveryobstinacy’ssake，Iwillstandout！’
`Abadmotiveforagoodresolve，’Ianswered。`Buthowever，I
knowyouhavebettermotives，really，foryourperseverance：andIcounselyoutokeepthemstillinview。’
`Trustme，Iwill。Ithreatenmammasometimes，thatI’llrunaway，anddisgracethefamilybyearningmyownlivelihood，ifshetormentsmeanymore；andthenthatfrightensheralittle。ButIwilldoit，ingoodearnest，iftheydon’tmind。’
`Bequietandpatientawhile，’saidI，`andbettertimeswillcome。’
Poorgirl！Iwishsomebodythatwasworthytopossessherwouldcomeandtakeheraway——don’tyou，Frederick？
IftheperusalofthisletterfilledmewithdismayforHelen’sfuturelifeandmine，therewasonegreatsourceofconsolation：itwasnowinmypowertoclearhernamefromeveryfoulaspersion。TheMillwardsandtheWilsonsshouldseewiththeirowneyes，thebrightsunburstingfromthecloud——andtheyshouldbescorchedanddazzledbyitsbeams；——andmyownfriendstooshouldseeit——theywhosesuspicionshadbeensuchgallandwormwood’tomysoul。Toeffectthis，Ihadonlytodroptheseedintotheground，anditwouldsoonbecomeastately，branchingherb：afewwordstomymotherandsister，Iknew，wouldsufficetospreadthenewsthroughoutthewholeneighbourhood，withoutanyfurtherexertiononmypart。
Rosewasdelighted；andassoonasIhadtoldherallIthoughtproper——whichwasallIaffectedtoknow——sheflewwithalacritytoputonherbonnetandshawl，andhastentocarrythegladtidingstotheMillwardsandWilsons——gladtidingsIsuspect，tononebutherselfandMaryMillward——whatsteady，sensiblegirl，whosesterlingworthhadbeensoquicklyperceivedanddulyvaluedbythesupposedMrs。Graham，inspiteofherplainoutside；
andwho，onherpart，hadbeenbetterabletoseeandappreciatethatlady’struecharacterandqualitiesthanthebrightestgeniusamongthem。
AsImayneverhaveoccasiontomentionheragain，Imayaswelltellyouhere，thatshewasatthistimeprivatelyengagedtoRichardWilson——secret，Ibelievetoeveryonebuttheirtwoselves。ThatworthystudentwasnowatCambridge，wherehismostexemplaryconductandhisdiligentperseveranceinthepursuitoflearningcarriedhimsafelythrough，andeventuallybroughthimwithhard-earnedhonoursandanuntarnishedreputation，tothecloseofhiscollegiatecareer。Induetime，hebecameMr。Millward’sfirstandonlycurate——forthatgentleman’sdecliningyearsforcedhimatlasttoacknowledgethatthedutiesofhisextensiveparishwerealittletoomuchforthosevauntedenergieswhichhewaswonttoboastoverhisyoungerandlessactivebrethrenofthecloth。Thiswaswhatthepatient，faithfullovershadprivatelyplanned，andquietlywaitedforyearsago；andinduetimetheywereunited，totheastonishmentofthelittleworldtheylivedin，thathadlongsincedeclaredthembothborntosinglebIessedness；
affirmingitimpossiblethatthepale，retiringbookwormshouldeversummoncouragetoseekawife，orbeabletoobtainoneifhedid，andequallyimpossiblethattheplain-looking，plain-dealing，unattractive，unconciliatingMissMillwardshouldeverfindahusband。
