IhadastillmoredreadfulmomentwhenpresentlyImetmycousininthebrickalleybehindtheyard，thatledbacktohisgrocer’sshop。
“Yousneak！”Isaid，andsmackedhisfacehardforthwith。“Nowthen。”saidI。
Hestartedback，astonishedandalarmed。Hiseyesmetmine，andIsawasuddengleamofresolution。Heturnedhisothercheektome。
“’It’it。”hesaid。”’It’it。I’LLforgiveyou。”
IfeltIhadneverencounteredamoredetestablewayofevadingalicking。Ishovedhimagainstthewallandlefthimthere，forgivingme，andwentbackintothehouse。
“Youbetternotspeaktoyourcousins，George。”saidmyaunt，“tillyou’reinabetterstateofmind。”
Ibecameanoutcastforthwith。Atsupperthatnightagloomysilencewasbrokenbymycousinsaying“’E’itmefortellingyou，andIturnedtheothercheek，muvver。”
“’E’sgottheevilonebe’ind’imnow，aridin’on’isback。”
saidmyaunt，tothegravediscomfortoftheeldestgirl，whosatbesideme。
Aftersuppermyuncle，inafewill-chosenwords，prayedmetorepentbeforeIslept。
“Supposeyouwastookinyoursleep，George。”hesaid；“where’dyoubethen？Youjestthinkofthatmeboy。”BythistimeIwasthoroughlymiserableandfrightened，andthissuggestionunnervedmedreadfullybutIkeptupanimpenitentfront。“Towakein’ell。”saidUncleNicodemus，ingentletones。“Youdon’twanttowakein’ell，George，burnin’andscreamin’forever，doyou？
Youwouldn’tlikethat？”
Hetriedveryhardtogetmeto“jest’avealookatthebake’ousefire“beforeIretired。“Itmightmoveyou。”hesaid。
Iwasawakelongestthatnight。Mycousinsslept，thesleepoffaithoneithersideofme。IdecidedIwouldwhispermyprayers，andstoppedmidwaybecauseIwasashamed，andperhapsalsobecauseIhadanideaonedidn’tsquareGodlikethat。
“No。”Isaid，withasuddenconfidence，“damnmeifyou’recowardenough。Butyou’renot。No！Youcouldn’tbe！”
Iwokemycousinsupwithemphaticdigs，andtoldthemasmuch，triumphantly，andwentverypeacefullytosleepwithmyactoffaithaccomplished。
Isleptnotonlythroughthatnight，butforallmynightssincethen。SofarasanyfearofDivineinjusticegoes，Isleepsoundly，andshall，Iknow，totheendofthings。Thatdeclarationwasanepochinmyspirituallife。
ButIdidn’texpecttohavethewholemeetingonSundayturnedontome。
Itwas。Itallcomesbacktome，thatconvergenceofattention，eventhefaintleatherysmellofitsatmospherereturns，andthecoarsefeelofmyaunt’sblackdressbesidemeincontactwithmyhand。IseeagaintheoldWelshmilkman“wrestling“withme，theyallwrestledwithme，byprayerorexhortation。AndIwasholdingoutstoutly，thoughconvincednowbythecontagionoftheiruniversalconvictionthatbydoingsoIwascertainlyandhopelesslydamned。Ifeltthattheywereright，thatGodwasprobablylikethem，andthatonthewholeitdidn’tmatter。AndtosimplifythebusinessthoroughlyIhaddeclaredIdidn’tbelieveanythingatall。TheyconfutedmebytextsfromScripturewhichInowperceivewasanillegitimatemethodofreply。WhenIgothome，stillimpenitentandeternallylostandsecretlyverylonelyandmiserableandalarmed，UncleNicodemusdockedmySundaypudding。
Onepersononlyspoketomelikeahumanbeingonthatdayofwrath，andthatwastheyoungerFrapp。HecameuptomeintheafternoonwhileIwasconfinedupstairswithaBibleandmyownthoughts。
“’Ello。”hesaid，andfrettedabout。
“D’youmeantosaythereisn’t——noone。”hesaid，funkingtheword。
“Noone？”
“Noonewatchingyer——always。”
“Whyshouldtherebe？”Iasked。
“Youcan’t’elpthoughts。”saidmycousin，“anyhow。Youmean——“
Hestoppedhovering。“Is’poseIoughtn’ttobetalkingtoyou。”
Hehesitatedandflittedawaywithaguiltybackglanceoverhisshoulder。
Thefollowingweekmadelifequiteintolerableforme；thesepeopleforcedmeatlastintoanAtheismthatterrifiedme。WhenIlearntthatnextSundaythewrestlingwastoberesumed，mycouragefailedmealtogether。
IhappeneduponamapofKentinastationer’swindowonSaturday，andthatsetmethinkingofoneformofrelease。I
studieditintentlyforhalfanhourperhaps，onSaturdaynight，gotaroutelistofvillageswellfixedinmymemory，andgotupandstartedforBladesoveraboutfiveonSundaymorningwhilemytwobedmateswerestillfastasleep。
Iremembersomething，butnotsomuchofitasIshouldliketorecall，ofmylongtramptoBladesoverHouse。ThedistancefromChathamisalmostexactlyseventeenmiles，andittookmeuntilnearlyone。ItwasveryinterestingandIdonotthinkIwasveryfatigued，thoughIgotratherpinchedbyoneboot。
Themorningmusthavebeenveryclear，becauseIrememberthatnearItchinstowHallIlookedbackandsawtheestuaryoftheThames，thatriverthathassinceplayedsolargeapartinmylife。ButatthetimeIdidnotknowitwastheThames，I
thoughtthisgreatexpanseofmudflatsandwaterwasthesea，whichIhadneveryetseennearly。Andoutuponitstoodships，sailingshipsandasteamerorso，goinguptoLondonordownoutintothegreatseasoftheworld。IstoodforalongtimewatchingtheseandthinkingwhetherafterallIshouldnothavedonebettertohaverunawaytosea。
ThenearerIdrewtoBladesover，themoredoubtfulIgrewofthedualityofmyreception，andthemoreIregrettedthatalternative。IsupposeitwasthedirtyclumsinessoftheshippingIhadseennearly，thatputmeoutofmindofthat。I
tookashortcutthroughtheWarrenacrossthecornerofthemainparktointerceptthepeoplefromthechurch。IwantedtoavoidmeetinganyonebeforeImetmymother，andsoIwenttoaplacewherethepathpassedbetweenbanks，andwithoutexactlyhiding，stoodupamongthebushes。ThisplaceamongotheradvantageseliminatedanychanceofseeingLadyDrew，whowoulddriveroundbythecarriageroad。
StandinguptowaylayinthisfashionIhadaqueerfeelingofbrigandage，asthoughIwassomeintrusivesortofbanditamongtheseorderlythings。ItisthefirsttimeIrememberhavingthatoutlawfeelingdistinctly，afeelingthathasplayedalargepartinmysubsequentlife。IfeltthereexistednoplaceformethatIhadtodrivemyselfin。
Presently，downthehill，theservantsappeared，stragglingbytwosandthrees，firstsomeofthegardenpeopleandthebutler’swifewiththem，thenthetwolaundrymaids，oddinseparableoldcreatures，thenthefirstfootmantalkingtothebutler’slittlegirl，andatlast，walkinggraveandbreathlessbesideoldAnnandMissFison，theblackfigureofmymother。
Myboyishmindsuggestedtheadoptionofaplayfulformofappearance。“Coo-ee，mother“saidI，comingoutagainstthesky。”Coo-ee！”
Mymotherlookedup，wentverywhite，andputherhandtoherbosom。
Isupposetherewasafearfulfussaboutme。AndofcourseIwasquiteunabletoexplainmyreappearance。ButIheldoutstoutly，“Iwon’tgobacktoChatham；I’lldrownmyselffirst。”
ThenextdaymymothercarriedmeofftoWimblehurst，tookmefiercelyandaggressivelytoanuncleIhadneverheardofbefore，nearthoughtheplacewastous。Shegavemenowordastowhatwastohappen，andIwastoosubduedbyhermanifestwrathandhumiliationatmylastmisdemeanourtodemandinformation。Idon’tforonemomentthinkLadyDrewwas“nice“
aboutme。Thefinalityofmybanishmentwasendorsedandunderlinedandstampedhome。IwishedverymuchnowthatIhadrunawaytosea，inspiteofthecoaldustandsqualourRochesterhadrevealedtome。Perhapsoverseasonecametodifferentlands。
