Shehesitatedandtouchedmyhandforaninstant。“It’ssilly。”
sheremarkedasshedidso。“Itmeansreallywe’re——“Shepaused。
“Yes?”saidI。
“Engaged。You’llhavetowaityears。Whatgoodcanitdoyou?”
“Notsomanyyears。”Ianswered。
Foramomentshebrooded。
Thensheglancedatmewithasmile,half-sweet,half-wistful,thathasstuckinmymemoryforever。
“Ilikeyou!”shesaid。“Ishallliketobeengagedtoyou。”
And,faintonthethresholdofhearing,Icaughtherventured“dear!”It’soddthatinwritingthisdownmymemorypassedoverallthatintervenedandIfeelitallagain,andonceagainI’mMarion’sboyishlovertakinggreatjoyinsuchrareandlittlethings。
AtlastIwenttotheaddressmyunclehadgivenmeinGowerStreet,andfoundmyauntSusanwaitingteaforhim。
DirectlyIcameintotheroomIappreciatedthechangeinoutlookthattheachievementofTono-BungayhadmadealmostasvividlyaswhenIsawmyuncle’snewhat。Thefurnitureoftheroomstruckuponmyeyeasalmoststately。Thechairsandsofawerecoveredwithchintzwhichgaveitadim,remoteflavourofBladesover;
themantel,thecornice,thegaspendantwerelargerandfinerthanthesortofthingIhadgrownaccustomedtoinLondon。AndIwasshowninbyarealhousemaidwithrealtailstohercap,andgreatquantitiesofreddishhair。Therewasmyaunttoolookingbrightandpretty,inablue-patternedtea-wrapwithbowsthatseemedtomethequintessenceoffashion。Shewassittinginachairbytheopenwindowwithquiteapileofyellow-labelledbooksontheoccasionaltablebesideher。Beforethelarge,paper-decoratedfireplacestoodathree-tieredcake-standdisplayingassortedcakes,andatraywithalltheteaequipageexcepttheteapot,wasonthelargecentre-table。
Thecarpetwasthick,andaspiceofadventurewasgivenitbyanumberofdyedsheep-skinmats。
“Hello!”saidmyauntasIappeared。“It’sGeorge!”
“ShallIservetheteanow,Mem?”saidtherealhousemaid,surveyingourgreetingcoldly。
“NottillMr。Ponderevocomes,Meggie。”saidmyaunt,andgrimacedwithextraordinaryswiftnessandvirulenceasthehousemaidturnedherback。
“Meggieshecallsherself。”saidmyauntasthedoorclosed,andleftmetoinferacertainwantofsympathy。
“You’relookingveryjolly,aunt。”saidI。
“WhatdoyouthinkofallthisoldBusinesshe’sgot?”askedmyaunt。
“Seemsapromisingthing。”Isaid。
“Isupposethereisabusinesssomewhere?”
“Haven’tyouseenit?”
“’FraidI’dsaysomethingATitGeorge,ifIdid。Sohewon’tletme。Itcameonquitesuddenly。Broodinghewasandwritinglettersandsizzlingsomethingawful——likeachestnutgoingtopop。ThenhecamehomeonedaysayingTono-BungaytillIthoughthewascleanoffhisonion,andsinging——whatwasit?”
“’I’mafloat,I’mafloat,’“Iguessed。
“Theverything。You’veheardhim。Andsayingourfortunesweremade。TookmeouttotheHo’burmRestaurant,George,——dinner,andwehadchampagne,stuffthatblowsupthebackofyournoseandmakesyougoSO,andhesaidatlasthe’dgotthingsworthyofme——andwemovedherenextday。It’saswellhouse,George。
Threepoundsaweekfortherooms。AndhesaystheBusiness’llstandit。”
Shelookedatmedoubtfully。
“Eitherdothatorsmash。”Isaidprofoundly。
Wediscussedthequestionforamomentmutelywithoureyes。MyauntslappedthepileofbooksfromMudie’s。
“I’vebeenhavingsuchaGoofreading,George。Youneverdid!”
“Whatdoyouthinkofthebusiness?”Iasked。
“Well,they’velethimhavemoney。”shesaid,andthoughtandraisedhereyebrows。
“It’sbeenatime。”shewenton。“Theflappingabout!Mesittingdoingnothingandhimonthegolikearocket。He’sdonewonders。Buthewantsyou,George——hewantsyou。Sometimeshe’sfullofhope——talksofwhenwe’regoingtohaveacarriageandbeinsociety——makesitseemsonaturalandtopsy-turvy,Ihardlyknowwhethermyoldheelsaren’tupherelisteningtohim,andmyoldheadonthefloor。Thenhegetsdepressed。Sayshewantsrestraint。Sayshecanmakeasplashbutcan’tkeepon。
Saysifyoudon’tcomeineverythingwillsmash——Butyouarecomingin?”
Shepausedandlookedatme。
“Well——“
“Youdon’tsayyouwon’tcomein!”
“Butlookhere,aunt。”Isaid,“doyouunderstandquite?。It’saquackmedicine。It’strash。”
“There’snolawagainstsellingquackmedicinethatIknowof。”
saidmyaunt。Shethoughtforaminuteandbecameunusuallygrave。“It’souronlychance,George。”shesaid。“Ifitdoesn’tgo。”
Therecametheslammingofadoor,andaloudbellowingfromthenextapartmentthroughthefoldingdoors。“Here-erSheeRulkliesPooTomBo——oling。”
“SillyoldConcertina!Harkathim,George!”Sheraisedhervoice。“Don’tsingthat,youoldWalrus,you!Sing’I’mafloat!’“
Oneleafofthefoldingdoorsopenedandmyuncleappeared。
“Hullo,George!Comealongatlast?Gossometea-cake,Susan?”
“ThoughtitoverGeorge?”hesaidabruptly。
“Yes。”saidI。
“Comingin?”
Ipausedforalastmomentandnoddedyes。
“Ah!”hecried。“Whycouldn’tyousaythataweekago?”
“I’vehadfalseideasabouttheworld。”Isaid。“Oh!theydon’tmatternow!Yes,I’llcome,I’lltakemychancewithyou,I
won’thesitateagain。”
AndIdidn’t。Istucktothatresolutionforsevenlongyears。
SoImademypeacewithmyuncle,andwesetoutuponthisbrightenterpriseofsellingslightlyinjuriousrubbishatone-and-three-halfpenceandtwo-and-nineabottle,includingtheGovernmentstamp。WemadeTono-Bungayhum!Itbroughtuswealth,influence,respect,theconfidenceofendlesspeople。
Allthatmyunclepromisedmeprovedtruthandunderstatement;
Tono-Bungaycarriedmetofreedomsandpowersthatnolifeofscientificresearch,nopassionateserviceofhumanitycouldeverhavegivenme。
Itwasmyuncle’sgeniusthatdidit。Nodoubtheneededme,——I
was,Iwilladmit,hisindispensablerighthand;buthiswasthebraintoconceive。Hewroteeveryadvertisement;someofthemevenhesketched。YoumustrememberthathiswerethedaysbeforetheTimetooktoenterpriseandthevociferoushawkingofthatantiquatedEncyclopedia。Thatalluring,button-holing,let-me-just-tell-you-quite-soberly-something-you-ought-to-knowstyleofnewspaperadvertisement,witheverynowandthenaconvulsivejumpofsomeattractivephraseintocapitals,wasthenalmostanovelty。“ManypeoplewhoareMODERATELYwellthinktheyareQUITEwell。”wasoneofhisearlyefforts。Thejerksincapitalswere,“DONOTNEEDDRUGSORMEDICINE。”and“SIMPLYAPROPER
REGIMENTOGETYOUINTONE。”Onewaswarnedagainstthechemistordruggistwhopushed“much-advertisednostrums“onone’sattention。Thattrashdidmoreharmthangood。Thethingneededwasregimen——andTono-Bungay!
Veryearly,too,wasthatbrightlittlequartercolumn,atleastitwasusuallyaquartercolumnintheeveningpapers:
“HILARITY——Tono-Bungay。LikeMountainAirintheVeins。”Thepenetratingtrioofquestions:“AreyouboredwithyourBusiness?