“No！”saidmyuncle，removinghiscigar；“asfarasIcanfindoutit’sreallygrain，——spoiltgrain。I’vebeengoingintothat。”
“Well，thereyouare！”saidEwart。“Sayit’sspoiltgrain。Itcarriedoutmycasejustaswell。Yourmoderncommerceisnomorebuyingandsellingthansculpture。It’smercy——it’ssalvation。It’srescuework！Ittakesallsortsoffallencommoditiesbythehandandraisesthem。Canaisn’tinit。Youturnwater——intoTono-Bungay。”
“Tono-Bungay’sallright。”saidmyuncle，suddenlygrave。“Wearen’ttalkingofTono-Bungay。”
“Yournephew，sir，ishard；hewantseverythingtogotoasortofpredestinatedend；he’saCalvinistofCommerce。Offerhimadustbinfullofstuff；hecallsitrefuse——passesbyontheotherside。NowYOU，siryou’dmakecindersrespectthemselves。”
Myuncleregardedhimdubiouslyforamoment。Buttherewasatouchofappreciationinhiseye。
“Mightmake’emintoasortofsanitarybrick。”hereflectedoverhiscigarend。
“Orafriablebiscuit。WhyNOT？Youmightadvertise：’WhyareBirdssoBright？Becausetheydigesttheirfoodperfectly！Whydotheydigesttheirfoodsoperfectly？Becausetheyhaveagizzard！Whyhasn’tmanagizzard？BecausehecanbuyPonderevo’sAsphaltTriturating，FriableBiscuit——WhichisBetter。’“
Hedeliveredthelastwordsinashout，withhishairyhandflourishedintheair。
“Damncleverfellow。”saidmyuncle，afterhehadone。“IknowamanwhenIseeone。He’ddo。Butdrunk，Ishouldsay。Butthatonlymakessomechapbrighter。IfheWANTStodothatposter，hecan。Zzzz。Thatideerofhisaboutthehorseradish。There’ssomethinginthat，George。I’mgoingtothinkoverthat“
Imaysayatoncethatmyposterprojectcametonothingintheend，thoughEwartdevotedaninterestingweektothematter。Helethisunfortunatedispositiontoironyrunawaywithhim。Heproducedapictureoftwobeaverswithasubtlelikeness，hesaid，tomyselfandmyuncle——thelikenesstomyunclecertainlywasn’thalfbad——andtheywerebottlingrowsandrowsofTono-Bungay，withthelegend“Moderncommerce。”Itcertainlywouldn’thavesoldacase，thoughheurgeditonmeonecheerfuleveningonthegroundthatitwould“arousecuriosity。”Inadditionheproducedaquiteshockingstudyofmyuncle，excessivelyandneedlesslynude，but，sofarasIwasabletojudge，anadmirablelikeness，engagedinfeatsofstrengthofaGargantuantypebeforeanaudienceofdeboshedandshatteredladies。Thelegend，“Health，Beauty，Strength。”below，gaveaneededpointtohisparody。Thishehungupinthestudioovertheoilshop，withaflapofbrownpaper；bywayofacurtainoverittoaccentuateitslibellousoffence。
AsIlookbackonthosedaysinwhichwebuiltupthegreatTono-Bungaypropertyoutofhumanhopeandcreditforbottlesandrentandprinting，Iseemylifeasitwerearrangedintwoparallelcolumnsofunequalwidth，awider，morediffused，eventfulandvariousonewhichcontinuallybroadensout，thebusinesssideofmylife，andanarrow，darkeranddarklingoneshoteverandagainwithagleamofhappiness，myhome-lifewithMarion。For，ofcourse，ImarriedMarion。
Ididn’t，asamatteroffact，marryheruntilayearafterTono-Bungaywasthoroughlyafloat，andthenonlyafterconflictsanddiscussionsofaquitestrenuoussort。BythattimeIwastwenty-four。Itseemsthenextthingtochildhoodnow。Wewerebothincertaindirectionsunusuallyignorantandsimple；weweretemperamentallyantagonistic，andwehadn’t——Idon’tthinkwewerecapableof——anideaincommon。Shewasyoungandextraordinarilyconventional——sheseemednevertohaveanideaofherownbutalwaystheideaofherclass——andIwasyoungandsceptical，enterprisingandpassionate；thetwolinksthatheldustogetherweretheintenseappealherphysicalbeautyhadforme，andherappreciationofherimportanceinmythoughts。
Therecanbenodoubtofmypassionforher。InherIhaddiscoveredwomandesired。ThenightsIhavelainawakeonaccountofher，writhing，bitingmywristsinafeveroflonging！
IhavetoldhowIgotmyselfasilkhatandblackcoattopleaseheronSunday——tothederisionofsomeofmyfellow-studentswhochargedtomeetme，andhowwebecameengaged。Butthatwasonlythebeginningofourdifference。Toherthatmeantthebeginningofanotunpleasantlittlesecrecy，anoccasionaluseofverbalendearments，perhapsevenkisses。Itwassomethingtogoonindefinitely，interferinginnowaywithhergossipingspellsofworkatSmithie’s。Tomeitwasapledgetocometogetherintotheutmostintimacyofsoulandbodysosoonaswecouldcontriveit。
Idon’tknowifitwillstrikethereaderthatIamsettingouttodiscussthequeer，unwiseloverelationshipandmybungleofamarriagewithexcessivesolemnity。Buttomeitseemstoreachouttovastlywiderissuesthanourlittlepersonalaffair。I’vethoughtovermylife。IntheselastfewyearsI’vetriedtogetatleastalittlewisdomoutofit。AndinparticularI’vethoughtoverthispartofmylife。I’menormouslyimpressedbytheignorant，unguidedwayinwhichwetwoentangledourselveswitheachother。Itseemstomethequeerestthinginallthisnetworkofmisunderstandingsandmisstatementsandfaultyandramshackleconventionswhichmakesupoursocialorderastheindividualmeetsit，thatweshouldhavecometogethersoaccidentallyandsoblindly。Becausewewerenomorethansamplesofthecommonfate。Loveisnotonlythecardinalfactintheindividuallife，butthemostimportantconcernofthecommunity；afterall，thewayinwhichtheyoungpeopleofthisgenerationpairoffdeterminesthefateofthenation；alltheotheraffairsoftheStatearesubsidiarytothat。Andweleaveittoflushedandblunderingyouthtostumbleonitsownsignificance，withnothingtoguideinbutshockedlooksandsentimentaltwaddleandbasewhisperingsandcant-smearedexamples。
Ihavetriedtoindicatesomethingofmyownsexualdevelopmentintheprecedingchapter。Nobodywaseverfrankanddecentwithmeinthisrelation；nobody，nobook，evercameandsaidtomethusandthusistheworldmade，andsoandsoisnecessary。
Everythingcameobscurely，indefinitely，perplexingly；andallI
knewoflaworconventioninthematterhadtheformofthreateningsandprohibitions。Exceptthroughthefurtive，shamefultalkofmycoevalsatGoudhurstandWimblehurst，Iwasnotevenwarnedagainstquitehorribledangers。Myideasweremadepartlyofinstinct，partlyofaromanticimagination，partlywovenoutofamedleyofscrapsofsuggestionthatcametomehaphazard。Ihadreadwidelyandconfusedly“Vathek。”Shelley，TomPaine，Plutarch，Carlyle，Haeckel，WilliamMorris，theBible，theFreethinker，theClarion，“TheWomanWhoDid。”——I
mentiontheingredientsthatcomefirsttomind。Allsortsofideaswerejumbledupinmeandneveralucidexplanation。ButitwasevidenttomethattheworldregardedShelley，forexample，asaveryheroicaswellasbeautifulperson；andthattodefyconventionandsuccumbmagnificentlytopassionwastheproperthingtodotogaintherespectandaffectionofalldecentpeople。
Andthemake-upofMarion’smindinthematterwasanequallyirrationalaffair。Hertraininghadbeenone，notsimplyofsilences，butsuppressions。Anenormousforceofsuggestionhadsoshapedherthattheintensenaturalfastidiousnessofgirlhoodhaddevelopedintoanabsoluteperversionofinstinct。Forallthatiscardinalinthisessentialbusinessoflifeshehadoneinseparableepithet——“horrid。”Withoutanysuchtrainingshewouldhavebeenashylover，butnowshewasanimpossibleone。
Fortherestshehadderived，Isuppose，partlyfromthesortoffictionshegotfromthePublicLibrary，andpartlyfromtheworkroomtalkatSmithie’s。Sofarastheformeroriginwent，shehadanideaofloveasastateofworshipandserviceonthepartofthemanandofcondescensiononthepartofthewoman。
Therewasnothing“horrid“aboutitinanyfictionshehadread。
Themangavepresents，didservices，soughttobeineverywaydelightful。Thewoman“wentout“withhim，smiledathim，waskissedbyhimindecoroussecrecy，andifhechancedtooffend，deniedhercountenanceandpresence。Usuallyshedidsomething“forhisgood“tohim，madehimgotochurch，madehimgiveupsmokingorgambling，smartenedhimup。Quiteattheendofthestorycameamarriage，andafterthattheinterestceased。
ThatwasthetenorofMarion’sfiction；butIthinkthework-tableconversationatSmithie’sdidsomethingtomodifythat。AtSmithie’sitwasrecognised，Ithink，thata“fellow“
wasapossessiontobedesired；thatitwasbettertobeengagedtoafellowthannot；thatfellowshadtobekept——theymightbemislaid，theymightevenbestolen。TherewasacaseofstealingatSmithie’s，andmanytears。
SmithieImetbeforeweweremarried，andafterwardsshebecameafrequentvisitortoourhouseatEaling。Shewasathin，bright-eyed，hawk-nosedgirlofthirtyodd，withprominentteeth，ahigh-pitched，eagervoiceandadispositiontobeurgentlysmartinherdress。Herhatswerestartlingandvarious，butinvariablydisconcerting，andshetalkedinarapid，nervousflowthatwashilariousratherthanwitty，andbrokenbylittlescreamsof“Oh，mydear！”and“youneverdid！”
ShewasthefirstwomanIevermetwhousedscent。PooroldSmithie！Whataharmless，kindlysoulshereallywas，andhowheartilyIdetestedher！OutoftheprofitsonthePersianrobesshesupportedasister’sfamilyofthreechildren，she“helped“aworthlessbrother，andoverflowedinhelpeventoherworkgirls，butthatdidn’tweighwithmeinthoseyouthfully-narrowtimes。
ItwasoneoftheintenseminorirritationsofmymarriedlifethatSmithie’swhirlwindchatterseemedtometohavefarmoreinfluencewithMarionthananythingIhadtosay。BeforeallthingsIcovetedhergripuponMarion’sinaccessiblemind。
IntheworkroomatSmithie’s，Igathered，theyalwaysspokeofmedemurelyas“ACertainPerson。”Iwasrumouredtobedreadfully“clever。”andthereweredoubts——notaltogetherwithoutjustification——ofthesweetnessofmytemper。
Well，thesegeneralexplanationswillenablethereadertounderstandthedistressfultimeswetwohadtogetherwhenpresentlyIbegantofeelonafootingwithMarionandtofumbleconversationallyforthemindandthewonderfulpassionIfelt，obstinatelyandstupidity，mustbeinher。Ithinkshethoughtmethemaddestofsanemen；“clever。”infact，whichatSmithie’swas，Isuppose，thenextthingtoinsanity，awordintimatingincomprehensibleandincalculablemotives。Shecouldbeshockedatanything，shemisunderstoodeverything，andherweaponwasasulkysilencethatknittedherbrows，spoilthermouthandrobbedherfaceofbeauty。“Well，ifwecan’tagree，Idon’tseewhyyoushouldgoontalking。”sheusedtosay。Thatwouldalwaysenragemebeyondmeasure。Or，“I’mafraidI’mnotcleverenoughtounderstandthat。”
Sillylittlepeople！Iseeitallnow，butthenIwasnoolderthansheandIcouldn’tseeanythingbutthatMarion，forsomeinexplicablereason，wouldn’tcomealive。
Wewouldcontrivesemi-surreptitiouswalksonSunday，andpartspeechlesswiththeangerofindefinableoffences。PoorMarion！
ThethingsItriedtoputbeforeher，myfermentingideasabouttheology，aboutSocialism，aboutaesthetics——theverywordsappalledher，gaveherthefaintchillofapproachingimpropriety，theterrorofaverypresentintellectualimpossibility。ThenbyanenormouseffortIwouldsuppressmyselfforatimeandcontinueatalkthatmadeherhappy，aboutSmithie’sbrother，aboutthenewgirlwhohadcometotheworkroom，aboutthehousewewouldpresentlylivein。Buttherewedifferedalittle。IwantedtobeaccessibletoSt。
Paul’sorCannonStreetStation，andshehadsethermindquiteresolutelyuponEating。Itwasn’tbyanymeansquarrelingallthetime，youunderstand。Shelikedmetoplaythelover“nicely“；shelikedtheeffectofgoingabout——wehadlunches，wewenttoEarl’sCourt，toKew，totheatresandconcerts，butnotoftentoconcerts，because，thoughMarion“liked“music，shedidn’tlike“toomuchofit。”topictureshows——andtherewasanonsensicalsortofbabytalkIpickedup——Iforgetwherenow——thatbecameamightypeacemaker。
