HerestedonthatforsometimeZzzz-ing。
Thenhebrokeoutatanewplaceinatoneofdetachedcriticism。
“There’sBoom。”hereflected。
“It’sawonderfulsystemthisoldBritishsystem，George。It’sstaidandstableandyetithasaplacefornewmen。Wecomeupandtakeourplaces。It’salmostexpected。Wetakeahand。
That’swhereourDemocracydiffersfromAmerica。Overthereamansucceeds；allhegetsismoney。Herethere’sasystemopentoeveryone——practically。ChapslikeBoom——comefromnowhere。”
Hisvoiceceased。Ireflecteduponthespiritofhiswords。
SuddenlyIkickedmyfeetintheair，rolledonmysideandsatupsuddenlyonmydeckchairwithmylegsdown。
“Youdon’tmeanit！”Isaid。
“Meanwhat，George？”
“Subscriptiontothepartyfunds。Reciprocaladvantage。Havewegottothat？”
“Whadyoudrivingat，George？”
“Youknow。They’dneverdoit，man！”
“Dowhat？”hesaidfeebly；and，“Whyshouldn’tthey？”
“They’dnotevengotoabaronetcy。NO！。Andyet，ofcourse，there’sBoom！AndCollingsheadandGorver。They’vedonebeer，they’vedonesnippets！AfterallTono-Bungay——it’snotlikeaturfcommissionagentoranythinglikethat！。Therehaveofcoursebeensomeverygentlemanlycommissionagents。Itisn’tlikeafoolofascientificmanwhocan’tmakemoney！”
Myunclegrunted；we’ddifferedonthatissuebefore。
Amalignanthumourtookpossessionofme。“Whatwouldtheycallyou？”Ispeculated。“ThevicarwouldlikeDuffield。ToomuchlikeDuffer！Difficultthing，atitle。”Iranmymindovervariouspossibilities。“WhynottakealeaffromasocialisttractIcameuponyesterday。Chapsayswe’reallgettingdelocalised。Beautifulword——delocalised！Whynotbethefirstdelocalisedpeer？Thatgivesyou——Tono-Bungay！ThereisaBungay，youknow。LordTonoofBungay——inbottleseverywhere。Eh？”
Myuncleastonishedmebylosinghistemper。
“Damnit。George，youdon’tseemtoseeI’mserious！You’realwayssneeringatTono-Bungay！Asthoughitwassomesortofswindle。Itwasperfec’lylegitimatetrade，perfec’lylegitimate。Goodvalueandagoodarticle。WhenIcomeuphereandtellyouplansandexchangeidees——yousneeratme。Youdo。Youdon’tsee——it’sabigthing。It’sabigthing。Yougottogetusedtonewcircumstances。Yougottofacewhatliesbeforeus。Yougottodropthattone。”
IX
Myunclewasnotaltogetherswallowedupinbusinessandambition。Hekeptintouchwithmodernthought。Forexample，hewas，Iknow，greatlyswayedbywhathecalled“ThisOvermanidee，Nietzsche——allthatstuff。”
HemingledthosecomfortingsuggestionsofapotentandexceptionalhumanbeingemancipatedfromthepettierlimitationsofintegritywiththeNapoleoniclegend。Itgavehisimaginationaconsiderableoutlet。ThatNapoleoniclegend！TherealmischiefofNapoleon’simmenselydisastrousandaccidentalcareerbeganonlywhenhewasdeadandtheromantictypeofmindwasfreetoelaboratehischaracter。IdobelievethatmyunclewouldhavemadeafarlessegregioussmashiftherehadbeennoNapoleoniclegendtomisguidehim。Hewasinmanywaysbetterandinfinitelykinderthanhiscareer。Butwhenindoubtbetweendecentconductandabaseadvantage，thatcultcameinmoreandmoreinfluentially：“thinkofNapoleon；thinkwhattheinflexibly-wilfulNapoleonwouldhavedonewithsuchscruplesasyours；“thatwastherule，andtheendwasinvariablyanewstepindishonour。
MyunclewasinanunsystematicwayacollectorofNapoleonicrelics；thebiggerthebookabouthisherothemorereadilyheboughtit；hepurchasedlettersandtinselandweaponsthatborehoweverremotelyupontheManofDestiny，andheevensecuredinGeneva，thoughheneverbroughthome，anoldcoachinwhichBuonapartemighthaveridden；hecrowdedthequietwallsofLadyGrovewithengravingsandfiguresofhim，preferring，myauntremarked，themoreconvexportraitswiththewhitevestandthosestatuetteswiththehandsbehindthebackwhichthrewforwardthefigure。TheDurganswatchedhimthroughitall，sardonically。
AndhewouldstandafterbreakfastattimesinthelightofthewindowatLadyGrove，alittleapart，withtwofingersofonehandstuckbetweenhiswaistcoat-buttonsandhischinsunken，thinking，——themostpreposterouslittlefatmanintheworld。
Itmademyauntfeel，shesaid，“likeanoldFieldMarshal——knocksmeintoacockedhat，George！”
PerhapsthisNapoleonicbiasmadehimalittlelessfrequentwithhiscigarsthanhewouldotherwisehavebeen，butofthatI
cannotbesure，anditcertainlycausedmyauntaconsiderableamountofvexationafterhehadreadNapoleonandtheFairSex，becauseforatimethatrousedhimtoasenseofasideoflifehehadinhiscommercialpreoccupationsverylargelyforgotten。
Suggestionplayssogreatapartinthisfield。Myuncletookthenextopportunityandhadan“affair“！
Itwasnotaveryimpassionedaffair，andtheexactparticularsneverofcoursereachedme。ItisquitebychanceIknowanythingofitatall。OneeveningIwassurprisedtocomeuponmyuncleinamixtureofBohemiaandsmartpeopleatanAtHomeintheflatofRobbert，theR。A。whopaintedmyaunt，andhewasstandingalittleapartinarecess，talkingorratherbeingtalkedtoinundertonesbyaplump，blondlittlewomaninpaleblue，aHelenScrymgeourwhowrotenovelsandwasorganisingaweeklymagazine。Ielbowedalargeladywhowassayingsomethingaboutthem，butIdidn’tneedtohearthethingshesaidtoperceivetherelationshipofthetwo。Ithitmelikeaplacardonahoarding。Iwasamazedthewholegatheringdidnotseeit。Perhapstheydid。Shewaswearingaremarkablyfinediamondnecklace，muchtoofineforjournalism，andregardinghimwiththatqualityofquestionableproprietorship，ofleashedbutstrainingintimacy，thatseemsinseparablefromthissortofaffair。Itissomuchmorepalpablethanmatrimony。Ifanythingwaswantedtocompletemyconvictionitwasmyuncles’seyeswhenpresentlyhebecameawareofmine，acertainembarrassmentandacertainprideanddefiance。Andthenextdayhemadeanopportunitytopraisethelady’sintelligencetomeconcisely，lestIshouldmissthepointofitall。
AfterthatIheardsomegossip——fromafriendofthelady’s。I
wasmuchtoocurioustodoanythingbutlisten。Ihadneverinallmylifeimaginedmyuncleinanamorousattitude。Itwouldappearthatshecalledhimher“GodintheCar“——aftertheheroinanovelofAnthonyHope’s。Itwasessentialtotheconventionoftheirrelationsthatheshouldgorelentlesslywheneverbusinesscalled，anditwasgenerallyarrangedthatitdidcall。Tohimwomenwereanincident，itwasunderstoodbetweenthem；Ambitionwasthemaster-passion。AgreatworldcalledhimandthenoblehungerforPower。IhaveneverbeenabletodiscoverjusthowhonestMrs。Scrymgeourwasinallthis，butitisquitepossibletheimmenseglamourofhisfinanciallargenessprevailedwithherandthatshedidbringareallyromanticfeelingtotheirencounters。Theremusthavebeensomeextraordinarymoments。
IwasagooddealexercisedanddistressedaboutmyauntwhenI
realisedwhatwasafoot。Ithoughtitwouldproveaterriblehumiliationtoher。Isuspectedherofkeepingupabravefrontwiththelossofmyuncle’saffectionsfrettingatherheart，butthereIsimplyunderestimatedher。Shedidn’thearforsometimeandwhenshedidhearshewasextremelyangryandenergetic。Thesentimentalsituationdidn’ttroubleherforamoment。Shedecidedthatmyuncle“wantedsmacking。”Sheaccentuatedherselfwithanunexpectednewhat，wentandgavehimaninconceivabletalking-toattheHardingham，andthencameroundto“blow-up“
mefornottellingherwhatwasgoingonbefore。
Itriedtobringhertoapropersenseoftheacceptedvaluesinthisaffair，butmyaunt’soriginalityofoutlookwasneversoinvincible。“Mendon’ttellononeanotherinaffairsofpassion。”Iprotested，andsuch-likeworldlyexcuses。
“Women！”shesaidinhighindignation，“andmen！Itisn’twomenandmen——it’shimandme，George！Whydon’tyoutalksense？
“Oldpassion’sallverywell，George，initsway，andI’mthelastpersontobejealous。Butthisisoldnonsense。I’mnotgoingtolethimshowoffwhatasillyoldlobsterheistootherwomen。I’llmarkeveryscrapofhisunderclotheswithredletters，’Ponderevo-Private’——everyscrap。
“Goingaboutmakingloveindeed，——inabdominalbelts！——athistimeoflife！”
Icannotimaginewhatpassedbetweenherandmyuncle。ButI
havenodoubtthatforoncehercustomarybadinagewaslaidaside。HowtheytalkedthenIdonotknow，forIwhoknewthemsowellhadneverheardthatmuchofintimacybetweenthem。Atanyrateitwasaconcernedandpreoccupied“GodintheCar“I
hadtodealwithinthenextfewdays，unusuallyZzzz-yandgiventoslightimpatientgesturesthathadnothingtodowiththecurrentconversation。Anditwasevidentthatinalldirectionshewasfindingthingsunusuallydifficulttoexplain。
Alltheintimatemomentsinthisaffairwerehiddenfromme，butintheendmyaunttriumphed。HedidnotsomuchthrowasjerkoverMrs。Scrymgeour，andshedidnotsomuchmakeanovelofitasupsetahugepailfulofattenuatedandadulteratedfemalesouluponthisoccasion。Myauntdidnotappearinthat，evenremotely。Sothatitisdoubtfuliftheladyknewtherealcausesofherabandonment。TheNapoleonicherowaspracticallyunmarried，andhethrewoverhisladyasNapoleonthrewoverJosephineforagreatalliance。
Itwasatriumphformyaunt，butithaditsprice。Forsometimeitwasevidentthingswerestrainedbetweenthem。Hegaveupthelady，butheresentedhavingtodoso，deeply。Shehadmeantmoretohisimaginationthanonecouldhavesupposed。Hewouldn’tforalongtime“comeround。”Hebecametouchyandimpatientandsecretivetowardsmyaunt，andshe，Inoted，afteranamazingcheckorso，stoppedthatstreamofkindlyabusethathadflowedforsolongandhadbeensogreatarefreshmentintheirlives。Theywereboththepoorerforitscessation，bothlesshappy。ShedevotedherselfmoreandmoretoLadyGroveandthehumoursandcomplicationsofitsmanagement。Theservantstooktoher——astheysay——shegod-motheredthreeSusansduringherrule，thecoachman’s，thegardener’s，andtheUpHillgamekeeper’s。Shegottogetheralibraryofoldhouseholdbooksthatwereintheveinoftheplace。Sherevivedthestill-room，andbecameagreatartistinjelliesandelderandcowslipwine。
