第1章

IamaCheapJack，andmyownfather’snamewasWillumMarigold。ItwasinhislifetimesupposedbysomethathisnamewasWilliam，butmyownfatheralwaysconsistentlysaid，No，itwasWillum。OnwhichpointIcontentmyselfwithlookingattheargumentthisway：Ifamanisnotallowedtoknowhisownnameinafreecountry，howmuchisheallowedtoknowinalandofslavery？AstolookingattheargumentthroughthemediumoftheRegister，WillumMarigoldcomeintotheworldbeforeRegisterscomeupmuch，——andwentoutofittoo。Theywouldn’thavebeengreatlyinhislineneither，iftheyhadchancedtocomeupbeforehim。 IwasbornontheQueen’shighway，butitwastheKing’satthattime。Adoctorwasfetchedtomyownmotherbymyownfather，whenittookplaceonacommon；andinconsequenceofhisbeingaverykindgentleman，andacceptingnofeebutatea—tray，IwasnamedDoctor，outofgratitudeandcomplimenttohim。Thereyouhaveme。 DoctorMarigold。 Iamatpresentamiddle—agedmanofabroadishbuild，incords，leggings，andasleevedwaistcoatthestringsofwhichisalwaysgonebehind。Repairthemhowyouwill，theygolikefiddle—strings。 Youhavebeentothetheatre，andyouhaveseenoneofthewiolin— playersscrewuphiswiolin，afterlisteningtoitasifithadbeenwhisperingthesecrettohimthatitfeareditwasoutoforder，andthenyouhavehearditsnap。That’sasexactlysimilartomywaistcoatasawaistcoatandawiolincanbelikeoneanother。 Iampartialtoawhitehat，andIlikeashawlroundmyneckworelooseandeasy。Sittingdownismyfavouriteposture。IfIhaveatasteinpointofpersonaljewelry，itismother—of—pearlbuttons。 Thereyouhavemeagain，aslargeaslife。 Thedoctorhavingacceptedatea—tray，you’llguessthatmyfatherwasaCheapJackbeforeme。Youareright。Hewas。Itwasaprettytray。Itrepresentedalargeladygoingalongaserpentiningup—hillgravel—walk，toattendalittlechurch。Twoswanshadlikewisecomeastraywiththesameintentions。WhenIcallheralargelady，Idon’tmeaninpointofbreadth，forthereshefellbelowmyviews，butshemorethanmadeitupinheighth；herheighthandslimnesswas——inshortTHEheighthofboth。 Ioftensawthattray，afterIwastheinnocentlysmilingcause（ormorelikelyscreechingone）ofthedoctor’sstandingituponatableagainstthewallinhisconsulting—room。Whenevermyownfatherandmotherwereinthatpartofthecountry，Iusedtoputmyhead（Ihaveheardmyownmothersayitwasflaxencurlsatthattime，thoughyouwouldn’tknowanoldhearth—broomfromitnowtillyoucometothehandle，andfounditwasn’tme）inatthedoctor’sdoor，andthedoctorwasalwaysgladtoseeme，andsaid，\"Aha，mybrotherpractitioner！Comein，littleM。D。Howareyourinclinationsastosixpence？\" Youcan’tgoonforever，you’llfind，noryetcouldmyfathernoryetmymother。Ifyoudon’tgooffasawholewhenyouareaboutdue，you’reliabletogooffinpart，andtwotooneyourhead’sthepart。Graduallymyfatherwentoffhis，andmymotherwentoffhers。Itwasinaharmlessway，butitputoutthefamilywhereI boardedthem。Theoldcouple，thoughretired，gottobewhollyandsolelydevotedtotheCheapJackbusiness，andwerealwayssellingthefamilyoff。Whenevertheclothwaslaidfordinner，myfatherbeganrattlingtheplatesanddishes，aswedoinourlinewhenweputupcrockeryforabid，onlyhehadlostthetrickofit，andmostlylet’emdropandbroke’em。Astheoldladyhadbeenusedtositinthecart，andhandthearticlesoutonebyonetotheoldgentlemanonthefootboardtosell，justinthesamewayshehandedhimeveryitemofthefamily’sproperty，andtheydisposedofitintheirownimaginationsfrommorningtonight。Atlasttheoldgentleman，lyingbedriddeninthesameroomwiththeoldlady，criesoutintheoldpatter，fluent，afterhavingbeensilentfortwodaysandnights：\"Nowhere，myjollycompanionseveryone，——whichtheNightingaleclubinavillagewasheld，AtthesignoftheCabbageandShears，Wherethesingersnodoubtwouldhavegreatlyexcelled，Butforwantoftaste，voicesandears，——now，here，myjollycompanions，everyone，isaworkingmodelofaused—upoldCheapJack，withoutatoothinhishead，andwithapainineverybone： solikelifethatitwouldbejustasgoodifitwasn’tbetter，justasbadifitwasn’tworse，andjustasnewifitwasn’twornout。 BidfortheworkingmodeloftheoldCheapJack，whohasdrunkmoregunpowder—teawiththeladiesinhistimethanwouldblowthelidoffawasherwoman’scopper，andcarryitasmanythousandsofmileshigherthanthemoonasnaughtnixnaught，dividedbythenationaldebt，carrynothingtothepoor—rates，threeunder，andtwoover。 Now，myheartsofoakandmenofstraw，whatdoyousayforthelot？ Twoshillings，ashilling，tenpence，eightpence，sixpence，fourpence。Twopence？Whosaidtwopence？Thegentlemaninthescarecrow’shat？Iamashamedofthegentlemaninthescarecrow’shat。Ireallyamashamedofhimforhiswantofpublicspirit。NowI’lltellyouwhatI’lldowithyou。Come！I’llthrowyouinaworkingmodelofaoldwomanthatwasmarriedtotheoldCheapJacksolongagothatuponmywordandhonourittookplaceinNoah’sArk，beforetheUnicorncouldgetintoforbidthebannsbyblowingatuneuponhishorn。Therenow！Come！Whatdoyousayforboth？ I’lltellyouwhatI’lldowithyou。Idon’tbearyoumaliceforbeingsobackward。Here！Ifyoumakemeabidthat’llonlyreflectalittlecreditonyourtown，I’llthrowyouinawarming—panfornothing，andlendyouatoasting—forkforlife。Nowcome；whatdoyousayafterthatsplendidoffer？Saytwopound，saythirtyshillings，sayapound，saytenshillings，sayfive，saytwoandsix。Youdon’tsayeventwoandsix？Yousaytwoandthree？No。 Youshan’thavethelotfortwoandthree。I’dsoonergiveittoyou，ifyouwasgood—lookingenough。Here！Missis！Chucktheoldmanandwomanintothecart，putthehorseto，anddrive’emawayandbury’em！\"SuchwerethelastwordsofWillumMarigold，myownfather，andtheywerecarriedout，byhimandbyhiswife，myownmother，ononeandthesameday，asIoughttoknow，havingfollowedasmourner。 MyfatherhadbeenalovelyoneinhistimeattheCheapJackwork，ashisdyingobservationswenttoprove。ButItophim。Idon’tsayitbecauseit’smyself，butbecauseithasbeenuniversallyacknowledgedbyallthathashadthemeansofcomparison。Ihaveworkedatit。Ihavemeasuredmyselfagainstotherpublicspeakers，——MembersofParliament，Platforms，Pulpits，Counsellearnedinthelaw，——andwhereIhavefound’emgood，Ihavetookabitofimaginationfrom’em，andwhereIhavefound’embad，Ihavelet’emalone。NowI’lltellyouwhat。ImeantogodownintomygravedeclaringthatofallthecallingsillusedinGreatBritain，theCheapJackcallingistheworstused。Whyain’tweaprofession？Whyain’tweendowedwithprivileges？Whyareweforcedtotakeoutahawker’slicense，whennosuchthingisexpectedofthepoliticalhawkers？Where’sthedifferencebetwixtus？ExceptthatweareCheapJacksandtheyareDearJacks，Idon’tseeanydifferencebutwhat’sinourfavour。 Forlookhere！Sayit’selectiontime。Iamonthefootboardofmycartinthemarket—place，onaSaturdaynight。Iputupageneralmiscellaneouslot。Isay：\"Nowhere，myfreeandindependentwoters，I’magoingtogiveyousuchachanceasyouneverhadinallyourborndays，noryetthedayspreceding。NowI’llshowyouwhatIamagoingtodowithyou。Here’sapairofrazorsthat’llshaveyoucloserthantheBoardofGuardians；here’saflat—ironworthitsweightingold；here’safrying—panartificiallyflavouredwithessenceofbeefsteakstothatdegreethatyou’veonlygotfortherestofyourlivestofrybreadanddrippinginitandthereyouarerepletewithanimalfood；here’sagenuinechronometerwatchinsuchasolidsilvercasethatyoumayknockatthedoorwithitwhenyoucomehomelatefromasocialmeeting，androuseyourwifeandfamily，andsaveupyourknockerforthepostman；andhere’shalf—a— dozendinnerplatesthatyoumayplaythecymbalswithtocharmbabywhenit’sfractious。Stop！I’llthrowinanotherarticle，andI’llgiveyouthat，andit’sarolling—pin；andifthebabycanonlygetitwellintoitsmouthwhenitsteethiscomingandrubthegumsoncewithit，they’llcomethroughdouble，inafitoflaughterequaltobeingtickled。Stopagain！I’llthrowyouinanotherarticle，becauseIdon’tlikethelooksofyou，foryouhaven’ttheappearanceofbuyersunlessIlosebyyou，andbecauseI’dratherlosethannottakemoneyto—night，andthat’salooking—glassinwhichyoumayseehowuglyyoulookwhenyoudon’tbid。Whatdoyousaynow？Come！Doyousayapound？Notyou，foryouhaven’tgotit。Doyousaytenshillings？Notyou，foryouowemoretothetallyman。Wellthen，I’lltellyouwhatI’lldowithyou。I’llheap’emallonthefootboardofthecart，——theretheyare！razors，flatwatch，dinnerplates，rolling—pin，andawayforfourshillings，andI’llgiveyousixpenceforyourtrouble！\"Thisisme，theCheapJack。ButontheMondaymorning，inthesamemarket—place，comestheDearJackonthehustings——HIScart——and，whatdoesHEsay？ \"Nowmyfreeandindependentwoters，Iamagoingtogiveyousuchachance\"（hebeginsjustlikeme）\"asyouneverhadinallyourborndays，andthat’sthechanceofsendingMyselftoParliament。NowI’lltellyouwhatIamagoingtodoforyou。Here’stheinterestsofthismagnificenttownpromotedabovealltherestofthecivilisedanduncivilisedearth。Here’syourrailwayscarried，andyourneighbours’railwaysjockeyed。Here’sallyoursonsinthePost—office。Here’sBritanniasmilingonyou。Here’stheeyesofEuropeonyou。Here’suniwersalprosperityforyou，repletionofanimalfood，goldencornfields，gladsomehomesteads，androundsofapplausefromyourownhearts，allinonelot，andthat’smyself。 WillyoutakemeasIstand？Youwon’t？Well，then，I’lltellyouwhatI’lldowithyou。Comenow！I’llthrowyouinanythingyouaskfor。There！Church—rates，abolitionofmoremalttax，nomalttax，universaleducationtothehighestmark，oruniwersalignorancetothelowest，totalabolitionofflogginginthearmyoradozenforeveryprivateonceamonthallround，WrongsofMenorRightsofWomen——onlysaywhichitshallbe，take’emorleave’em，andI’mofyouropinionaltogether，andthelot’syourownonyourownterms。 There！Youwon’ttakeityet！Well，then，I’lltellyouwhatI’lldowithyou。Come！YouAREsuchfreeandindependentwoters，andI amsoproudofyou，——youAREsuchanobleandenlightenedconstituency，andIAMsoambitiousofthehonouranddignityofbeingyourmember，whichisbyfarthehighestleveltowhichthewingsofthehumanmindcansoar，——thatI’lltellyouwhatI’lldowithyou。I’llthrowyouinallthepublic—housesinyourmagnificenttownfornothing。Willthatcontentyou？Itwon’t？ Youwon’ttakethelotyet？Well，then，beforeIputthehorseinanddriveaway，andmaketheoffertothenextmostmagnificenttownthatcanbediscovered，I’lltellyouwhatI’lldo。Takethelot，andI’lldroptwothousandpoundinthestreetsofyourmagnificenttownforthemtopickupthatcan。Notenough？Nowlookhere。 ThisistheveryfurthestthatI’magoingto。I’llmakeittwothousandfivehundred。Andstillyouwon’t？Here，missis！Putthehorse——no，stophalfamoment，Ishouldn’tliketoturnmybackuponyouneitherforatrifle，I’llmakeittwothousandsevenhundredandfiftypound。There！Takethelotonyourownterms，andI’llcountouttwothousandsevenhundredandfiftypoundonthefoot— boardofthecart，tobedroppedinthestreetsofyourmagnificenttownforthemtopickupthatcan。Whatdoyousay？Comenow！Youwon’tdobetter，andyoumaydoworse。Youtakeit？Hooray！Soldagain，andgottheseat！\" TheseDearJackssoapthepeopleshameful，butweCheapJacksdon’t。 Wetell’emthetruthaboutthemselvestotheirfaces，andscorntocourt’em。Astowenturesomenessinthewayofpuffingupthelots，theDearJacksbeatushollow。ItisconsideredintheCheapJackcalling，thatbetterpattercanbemadeoutofagunthananyarticleweputupfromthecart，exceptapairofspectacles。I oftenholdforthaboutagunforaquarterofanhour，andfeelasifIneedneverleaveoff。ButwhenItell’emwhattheguncando，andwhatthegunhasbroughtdown，InevergohalfsofarastheDearJacksdowhentheymakespeechesinpraiseofTHEIRguns——theirgreatgunsthatset’emontodoit。Besides，I’minbusinessformyself：Iain’tsentdownintothemarket—placetoorder，astheyare。Besides，again，mygunsdon’tknowwhatIsayintheirlaudation，andtheirgunsdo，andthewholeconcernof’emhavereasontobesickandashamedallround。ThesearesomeofmyargumentsfordeclaringthattheCheapJackcallingistreatedillinGreatBritain，andforturningwarmwhenIthinkoftheotherJacksinquestionsettingthemselvesuptopretendtolookdownuponit。 Icourtedmywifefromthefootboardofthecart。Ididindeed。 ShewasaSuffolkyoungwoman，anditwasinIpswichmarketplacerightoppositethecorn—chandler’sshop。IhadnoticedherupatawindowlastSaturdaythatwas，appreciatinghighly。Ihadtooktoher，andIhadsaidtomyself，\"Ifnotalreadydisposedof，I’llhavethatlot。\"NextSaturdaythatcome，Ipitchedthecartonthesamepitch，andIwasinveryhighfeatherindeed，keeping’emlaughingthewholeofthetime，andgettingoffthegoodsbriskly。 AtlastItookoutofmywaistcoat—pocketasmalllotwrappedinsoftpaper，andIputitthisway（lookingupatthewindowwhereshewas）。\"Nowhere，mybloomingEnglishmaidens，isanarticle，thelastarticleofthepresentevening’ssale，whichIoffertoonlyyou，thelovelySuffolkDumplingsbilingoverwithbeauty，andIwon’ttakeabidofathousandpoundsforfromanymanalive。Nowwhatisit？Why，I’lltellyouwhatitis。It’smadeoffinegold，andit’snotbroke，thoughthere’saholeinthemiddleofit，andit’sstrongerthananyfetterthateverwasforged，thoughit’ssmallerthananyfingerinmysetoften。Whyten？Because，whenmyparentsmadeovermypropertytome，Itellyoutrue，therewastwelvesheets，twelvetowels，twelvetable—cloths，twelveknives，twelveforks，twelvetablespoons，andtwelveteaspoons，butmysetoffingerswastwoshortofadozen，andcouldneversincebematched。Nowwhatelseisit？Come，I’lltellyou。It’sahoopofsolidgold，wrappedinasilvercurl—paper，thatImyselftookofftheshininglocksoftheeverbeautifuloldladyinThreadneedleStreet，Londoncity；Iwouldn’ttellyousoifIhadn’tthepapertoshow，oryoumightn’tbelieveitevenofme。Nowwhatelseisit？ It’saman—trapandahandcuff，theparishstocksandaleg—lock，allingoldandallinone。Nowwhatelseisit？It’sawedding— ring。NowI’lltellyouwhatI’magoingtodowithit。I’mnotagoingtoofferthislotformoney；butImeantogiveittothenextofyoubeautiesthatlaughs，andI’llpayheravisitto—morrowmorningatexactlyhalfafternineo’clockasthechimesgo，andI’lltakeheroutforawalktoputupthebanns。\"Shelaughed，andgottheringhandeduptoher。WhenIcalledinthemorning，shesays，\"Odear！It’sneveryou，andyounevermeanit？\"\"It’severme，\"saysI，\"andIameveryours，andIevermeanit。\"Sowegotmarried，afterbeingputupthreetimes——which，bythebye，isquiteintheCheapJackwayagain，andshowsoncemorehowtheCheapJackcustomspervadesociety。 Shewasn’tabadwife，butshehadatemper。Ifshecouldhavepartedwiththatonearticleatasacrifice，Iwouldn’thaveswoppedherawayinexchangeforanyotherwomaninEngland。NotthatI everdidswopheraway，forwelivedtogethertillshedied，andthatwasthirteenyear。Now，mylordsandladiesandgentlefolksall，I’llletyouintoasecret，thoughyouwon’tbelieveit。 ThirteenyearoftemperinaPalacewouldtrytheworstofyou，butthirteenyearoftemperinaCartwouldtrythebestofyou。Youarekeptsoveryclosetoitinacart，yousee。There’sthousandsofcouplesamongyougettingonlikesweetileuponawhetstoneinhousesfiveandsixpairsofstairshigh，thatwouldgototheDivorceCourtinacart。Whetherthejoltingmakesitworse，I don’tundertaketodecide；butinacartitdoescomehometoyou，andsticktoyou。WiolenceinacartisSOwiolent，andaggrawationinacartisSOaggrawating。 Wemighthavehadsuchapleasantlife！Aroomycart，withthelargegoodshungoutside，andthebedslungunderneathitwhenontheroad，anironpotandakettle，afireplaceforthecoldweather，achimneyforthesmoke，ahanging—shelfandacupboard，adogandahorse。Whatmoredoyouwant？Youdrawoffuponabitofturfinagreenlaneorbytheroadside，youhobbleyouroldhorseandturnhimgrazing，youlightyourfireupontheashesofthelastvisitors，youcookyourstew，andyouwouldn’tcalltheEmperorofFranceyourfather。Buthaveatemperinthecart，flinginglanguageandthehardestgoodsinstockatyou，andwhereareyouthen？Putanametoyourfeelings。 MydogknewaswellwhenshewasontheturnasIdid。Beforeshebrokeout，hewouldgiveahowl，andbolt。Howheknewit，wasamysterytome；butthesureandcertainknowledgeofitwouldwakehimupoutofhissoundestsleep，andhewouldgiveahowl，andbolt。AtsuchtimesIwishedIwashim。 Theworstofitwas，wehadadaughterborntous，andIlovechildrenwithallmyheart。Whenshewasinherfuriesshebeatthechild。Thisgottobesoshocking，asthechildgottobefourorfiveyearold，thatIhavemanyatimegoneonwithmywhipovermyshoulder，attheoldhorse’shead，sobbingandcryingworsethaneverlittleSophydid。ForhowcouldIpreventit？Suchathingisnottobetriedwithsuchatemper——inacart——withoutcomingtoafight。It’sinthenaturalsizeandformationofacarttobringittoafight。Andthenthepoorchildgotworseterrifiedthanbefore，aswellasworsehurtgenerally，andhermothermadecomplaintstothenextpeoplewelightedon，andthewordwentround，\"Here’sawretchofaCheapJackbeenabeatinghiswife。\" LittleSophywassuchabravechild！Shegrewtobequitedevotedtoherpoorfather，thoughhecoulddosolittletohelpher。Shehadawonderfulquantityofshiningdarkhair，allcurlingnaturalabouther。Itisquiteastonishingtomenow，thatIdidn’tgotearingmadwhenIusedtoseeherrunfromhermotherbeforethecart，andhermothercatchherbythishair，andpullherdownbyit，andbeather。 SuchabravechildIsaidshewas！Ah！withreason。 \"Don’tyoumindnexttime，fatherdear，\"shewouldwhispertome，withherlittlefacestillflushed，andherbrighteyesstillwet； \"ifIdon’tcryout，youmayknowIamnotmuchhurt。AndevenifI docryout，itwillonlybetogetmothertoletgoandleaveoff。\" WhatIhaveseenthelittlespiritbear——forme——withoutcryingout！ Yetinotherrespectshermothertookgreatcareofher。Herclotheswerealwayscleanandneat，andhermotherwasnevertiredofworkingat’em。Suchistheinconsistencyinthings。Ourbeingdowninthemarshcountryinunhealthyweather，IconsiderthecauseofSophy’stakingbadlowfever；buthowevershetookit，onceshegotitsheturnedawayfromhermotherforevermore，andnothingwouldpersuadehertobetouchedbyhermother’shand。Shewouldshiverandsay，\"No，no，no，\"whenitwasofferedat，andwouldhideherfaceonmyshoulder，andholdmetighterroundtheneck。 TheCheapJackbusinesshadbeenworsethaneverIhadknownit，whatwithonethingandwhatwithanother（andnotleastwithrailroads，whichwillcutitalltopieces，Iexpect，atlast），andIwasrundryofmoney。Forwhichreason，onenightatthatperiodoflittleSophy’sbeingsobad，eitherwemusthavecometoadead— lockforvictualsanddrink，orImusthavepitchedthecartasI did。 Icouldn’tgetthedearchildtoliedownorleavegoofme，andindeedIhadn’tthehearttotry，soIsteppedoutonthefootboardwithherholdingroundmyneck。Theyallsetupalaughwhentheyseeus，andonechuckle—headedJoskin（thatIhatedforit）madethebidding，\"Tuppenceforher！\" \"Now，youcountryboobies，\"saysI，feelingasifmyheartwasaheavyweightattheendofabrokensashline，\"IgiveyounoticethatIamagoingtocharmthemoneyoutofyourpockets，andtogiveyousomuchmorethanyourmoney’sworththatyou’llonlypersuadeyourselvestodrawyourSaturdaynight’swageseveragainarterwardsbythehopesofmeetingmetolay’emoutwith，whichyouneverwill，andwhynot？BecauseI’vemademyfortunesbysellingmygoodsonalargescaleforseventy—fivepercent。lessthanI givefor’em，andIamconsequentlytobeelevatedtotheHouseofPeersnextweek，bythetitleoftheDukeofCheapandMarkisJackaloorul。Nowlet’sknowwhatyouwantto—night，andyoushallhaveit。Butfirstofall，shallItellyouwhyIhavegotthislittlegirlroundmyneck？Youdon’twanttoknow？Thenyoushall。 ShebelongstotheFairies。She’safortune—teller。Shecantellmeallaboutyouinawhisper，andcanputmeuptowhetheryou’regoingtobuyalotorleaveit。Nowdoyouwantasaw？No，shesaysyoudon’t，becauseyou’retooclumsytouseone。Elsehere’sasawwhichwouldbealifelongblessingtoahandyman，atfourshillings，atthreeandsix，atthree，attwoandsix，attwo，ateighteen—pence。Butnoneofyoushallhaveitatanyprice，onaccountofyourwell—knownawkwardness，whichwouldmakeitmanslaughter。ThesameobjectionappliestothissetofthreeplaneswhichIwon’tletyouhaveneither，sodon’tbidfor’em。 NowIamagoingtoaskherwhatyoudowant。\"（ThenIwhispered，\"Yourheadburnsso，thatIamafraidithurtsyoubad，mypet，\"andsheanswered，withoutopeningherheavyeyes，\"Justalittle，father。\"）\"O！Thislittlefortune—tellersaysit’samemorandum— bookyouwant。Thenwhydidn’tyoumentionit？Hereitis。Lookatit。Twohundredsuperfinehot—pressedwire—wovepages——ifyoudon’tbelieveme，count’em——readyruledforyourexpenses，aneverlastinglypointedpenciltoput’emdownwith，adouble—bladedpenknifetoscratch’emoutwith，abookofprintedtablestocalculateyourincomewith，andacamp—stooltositdownuponwhileyougiveyourmindtoit！Stop！Andanumbrellatokeepthemoonoffwhenyougiveyourmindtoitonapitch—darknight。NowI won’taskyouhowmuchforthelot，buthowlittle？Howlittleareyouthinkingof？Don’tbeashamedtomentionit，becausemyfortune—tellerknowsalready。\"（Thenmakingbelievetowhisper，I kissedher，——andshekissedme。）\"Why，shesaysyouarethinkingofaslittleasthreeandthreepence！Icouldn’thavebelievedit，evenofyou，unlessshetoldme。Threeandthreepence！Andasetofprintedtablesinthelotthat’llcalculateyourincomeuptofortythousandayear！Withanincomeoffortythousandayear，yougrudgethreeandsixpence。Wellthen，I’lltellyoumyopinion。I sodespisethethreepence，thatI’dsoonertakethreeshillings。 There。Forthreeshillings，threeshillings，threeshillings！ Gone。Hand’emovertotheluckyman。\" Astherehadbeennobidatall，everybodylookedaboutandgrinnedateverybody，whileItouchedlittleSophy’sfaceandaskedherifshefeltfaint，orgiddy。\"Notvery，father。Itwillsoonbeover。\"Thenturningfromtheprettypatienteyes，whichwereopenednow，andseeingnothingbutgrinsacrossmylightedgrease—pot，I wentonagaininmyCheapJackstyle。\"Where’sthebutcher？\"（Mysorrowfuleyehadjustcaughtsightofafatyoungbutcherontheoutsideofthecrowd。）\"Shesaysthegoodluckisthebutcher’s。 Whereishe？\"Everybodyhandedontheblushingbutchertothefront，andtherewasaroar，andthebutcherfelthimselfobligedtoputhishandinhispocket，andtakethelot。Thepartysopickedout，ingeneral，doesfeelobligedtotakethelot——goodfourtimesoutofsix。Thenwehadanotherlot，thecounterpartofthatone，andsolditsixpencecheaper，whichisalwayswerymuchenjoyed。 Thenwehadthespectacles。Itain’taspecialprofitablelot，butIput’emon，andIseewhattheChancelloroftheExchequerisgoingtotakeoffthetaxes，andIseewhatthesweetheartoftheyoungwomanintheshawlisdoingathome，andIseewhattheBishopshasgotfordinner，andadealmorethatseldomfailstofetchem’upintheirspirits；andthebettertheirspirits，thebettertheirbids。Thenwehadtheladies’lot——theteapot，tea— caddy，glasssugar—basin，half—a—dozenspoons，andcaudle—cup——andallthetimeIwasmakingsimilarexcusestogivealookortwoandsayawordortwotomypoorchild。Itwaswhilethesecondladies’ lotwasholding’emenchainedthatIfeltherliftherselfalittleonmyshoulder，tolookacrossthedarkstreet。\"Whattroublesyou，darling？\"\"Nothingtroublesme，father。Iamnotatalltroubled。 Butdon’tIseeaprettychurchyardoverthere？\"\"Yes，mydear。\" \"Kissmetwice，dearfather，andlaymedowntorestuponthatchurchyardgrasssosoftandgreen。\"Istaggeredbackintothecartwithherheaddroppedonmyshoulder，andIsaystohermother，\"Quick。Shutthedoor！Don’tletthoselaughingpeoplesee！\" \"What’sthematter？\"shecries。\"Owoman，woman，\"Itellsher，\"you’llnevercatchmylittleSophybyherhairagain，forshehasflownawayfromyou！\" MaybethosewereharderwordsthanImeant’em；butfromthattimeforthmywifetooktobrooding，andwouldsitinthecartorwalkbesideit，hoursatastretch，withherarmscrossed，andhereyeslookingontheground。Whenherfuriestookher（whichwasratherseldomerthanbefore）theytookherinanewway，andshebangedherselfabouttothatextentthatIwasforcedtoholdher。Shegotnonethebetterforalittledrinknowandthen，andthroughsomeyearsIusedtowonder，asIploddedalongattheoldhorse’shead，whethertherewasmanycartsupontheroadthatheldsomuchdrearinessasmine，forallmybeinglookeduptoastheKingoftheCheapJacks。Sosadourliveswentontillonesummerevening，when，aswewerecomingintoExeter，outofthefartherWestofEngland，wesawawomanbeatingachildinacruelmanner，whoscreamed，\"Don’tbeatme！Omother，mother，mother！\"Thenmywifestoppedherears，andranawaylikeawildthing，andnextdayshewasfoundintheriver。 Meandmydogwereallthecompanyleftinthecartnow；andthedoglearnedtogiveashortbarkwhentheywouldn’tbid，andtogiveanotherandanodofhisheadwhenIaskedhim，\"Whosaidhalfacrown？Areyouthegentleman，sir，thatofferedhalfacrown？\"Heattainedtoanimmenseheightofpopularity，andIshallalwaysbelievetaughthimselfentirelyoutofhisownheadtogrowlatanypersoninthecrowdthatbidaslowassixpence。Buthegottobewelloninyears，andonenightwhenIwasconwulsingYorkwiththespectacles，hetookaconwulsiononhisownaccountupontheveryfootboardbyme，anditfinishedhim。 Beingnaturallyofatenderturn，Ihaddreadfullonelyfeelingsonmearterthis。Iconquered’ematsellingtimes，havingareputationtokeep（nottomentionkeepingmyself），buttheygotmedowninprivate，androlleduponme。That’softenthewaywithuspubliccharacters。Seeusonthefootboard，andyou’dgiveprettywellanythingyoupossesstobeus。Seeusoffthefootboard，andyou’daddatrifletobeoffyourbargain。ItwasunderthosecircumstancesthatIcomeacquaintedwithagiant。Imighthavebeentoohightofallintoconversationwithhim，haditnotbeenformylonelyfeelings。Forthegeneralruleis，goingroundthecountry，todrawthelineatdressingup。Whenamancan’ttrusthisgettingalivingtohisundisguisedabilities，youconsiderhimbelowyoursort。AndthisgiantwhenonviewfiguredasaRoman。 Hewasalanguidyoungman，whichIattributetothedistancebetwixthisextremities。Hehadalittleheadandlessinit，hehadweakeyesandweakknees，andaltogetheryoucouldn’tlookathimwithoutfeelingthattherewasgreatlytoomuchofhimbothforhisjointsandhismind。Buthewasanamiablethoughtimidyoungman（hismotherlethimout，andspentthemoney），andwecomeacquaintedwhenhewaswalkingtoeasethehorsebetwixttwofairs。 HewascalledRinaldodiVelasco，hisnamebeingPickleson。 Thisgiant，otherwisePickleson，mentionedtomeunderthesealofconfidencethat，beyondhisbeingaburdentohimself，hislifewasmadeaburdentohimbythecrueltyofhismastertowardsastep— daughterwhowasdeafanddumb。Hermotherwasdead，andshehadnolivingsoultotakeherpart，andwasusedmosthard。Shetravelledwithhismaster’scaravanonlybecausetherewasnowheretoleaveher，andthisgiant，otherwisePickleson，didgosofarastobelievethathismasteroftentriedtoloseher。Hewassuchaverylanguidyoungman，thatIdon’tknowhowlongitdidn’ttakehimtogetthisstoryout，butitpassedthroughhisdefectivecirculationtohistopextremityincourseoftime。 WhenIheardthisaccountfromthegiant，otherwisePickleson，andlikewisethatthepoorgirlhadbeautifullongdarkhair，andwasoftenpulleddownbyitandbeaten，Icouldn’tseethegiantthroughwhatstoodinmyeyes。Havingwiped’em，Igivehimsixpence（forhewaskeptasshortashewaslong），andhelaiditoutintwothree—penn’orthsofgin—and—water，whichsobriskedhimup，thathesangtheFavouriteComicofShiveryShakey，ain’titcold？——apopulareffectwhichhismasterhadtriedeveryothermeanstogetoutofhimasaRomanwhollyinvain。 Hismaster’snamewasMim，aweryhoarseman，andIknewhimtospeakto。IwenttothatFairasamerecivilian，leavingthecartoutsidethetown，andIlookedaboutthebackoftheVanswhiletheperformingwasgoingon，andatlast，sittingdozingagainstamuddycart—wheel，Icomeuponthepoorgirlwhowasdeafanddumb。AtthefirstlookImightalmosthavejudgedthatshehadescapedfromtheWildBeastShow；butatthesecondIthoughtbetterofher，andthoughtthatifshewasmorecaredforandmorekindlyusedshewouldbelikemychild。Shewasjustthesameagethatmyowndaughterwouldhavebeen，ifherprettyheadhadnotfelldownuponmyshoulderthatunfortunatenight。 Tocutitshort，IspokeconfidentialtoMimwhilehewasbeatingthegongoutsidebetwixttwolotsofPickleson’spublics，andIputittohim，\"Sheliesheavyonyourownhands；what’llyoutakeforher？\"Mimwasamostferociousswearer。Suppressingthatpartofhisreplywhichwasmuchthelongestpart，hisreplywas，\"Apairofbraces。\"\"NowI’lltellyou，\"saysI，\"whatI’magoingtodowithyou。I’magoingtofetchyouhalf—a—dozenpairoftheprimestbracesinthecart，andthentotakeherawaywithme。\"SaysMim（againferocious），\"I’llbelieveitwhenI’vegotthegoods，andnosooner。\"ImadeallthehasteIcould，lestheshouldthinktwiceofit，andthebargainwascompleted，whichPicklesonhewastherebysorelievedinhismindthathecomeoutathislittlebackdoor，longwayslikeaserpent，andgiveusShiveryShakeyinawhisperamongthewheelsatparting。 ItwashappydaysforbothofuswhenSophyandmebegantotravelinthecart。IatoncegiveherthenameofSophy，toputherevertowardsmeintheattitudeofmyowndaughter。Wesoonmadeouttobegintounderstandoneanother，throughthegoodnessoftheHeavens，whensheknowedthatImeanttrueandkindbyher。Inaverylittletimeshewaswonderfulfondofme。Youhavenoideawhatitistohaveanybodywonderfulfondofyou，unlessyouhavebeengotdownandrolleduponbythelonelyfeelingsthatIhavementionedashavingoncegotthebetterofme。 You’dhavelaughed——ortherewerse——it’saccordingtoyourdisposition——ifyoucouldhaveseenmetryingtoteachSophy。AtfirstIwashelped——you’dneverguessbywhat——milestones。Igotsomelargealphabetsinabox，allthelettersseparateonbitsofbone，andsayingwewasgoingtoWINDSOR，Igiveherthoselettersinthatorder，andthenateverymilestoneIshowedherthosesamelettersinthatsameorderagain，andpointedtowardstheabodeofroyalty。AnothertimeIgiveherCART，andthenchalkedthesameuponthecart。AnothertimeIgiveherDOCTORMARIGOLD，andhungacorrespondinginscriptionoutsidemywaistcoat。Peoplethatmetusmightstareabitandlaugh，butwhatdidIcare，ifshecaughttheidea？Shecaughtitafterlongpatienceandtrouble，andthenwedidbegintogetonswimmingly，Ibelieveyou！Atfirstshewasalittlegiventoconsidermethecart，andthecarttheabodeofroyalty，butthatsoonworeoff。