第9章

类别:其他 作者:Daniel Defoe字数:4135更新时间:18/12/26 16:40:16
Iadded,ifhewastotellmethathewouldnever seememore,thanwhichnothingbutdeathcouldbemore terrible,yetIcouldneverentertainathoughtsodishonourable tomyself,andsobasetohim;andtherefore,Ientreatedhim, ifhehadonegrainofrespectoraffectionleftforme,thathe wouldspeaknomoreofittome,orthathewouldpullhis swordoutandkillme。 Heappearedsurprisedatmyobstinacy, ashecalledit;toldmeIwasunkindtomyself,andunkindto himinit;thatitwasacrisisunlookedforuponusboth,and impossibleforeitherofustoforesee,butthathedidnotsee anyotherwaytosaveusbothfromruin,andthereforehe thoughtitthemoreunkind;butthatifhemustsaynomore ofittome,headdedwithanunusualcoldness,thathedid notknowanythingelsewehadtotalkof;andsoheroseupto takehisleave。 Iroseuptoo,asifwiththesameindifference; butwhenhecametogivemeasitwereapartingkiss,Iburst outintosuchapassionofcrying,thatthoughIwouldhavespoke, Icouldnot,andonlypressinghishand,seemedtogivehimthe adieu,butcriedvehemently。 Hewassensiblymovedwiththis;sohesatdownagain,and saidagreatmanykindthingstome,toabatetheexcessofmy passion,butstillurgedthenecessityofwhathehadproposed; allthewhileinsisting,thatifIdidrefuse,hewouldnotwith- standingprovideforme;butlettingmeplainlyseethathe woulddeclinemeinthemainpoint——nay,evenasamistress; makingitapointofhonournottoliewiththewomanthat, foraughtheknew,mightcometobehisbrother’swife。 Thebarelossofhimasagallantwasnotsomuchmyaffliction asthelossofhisperson,whomindeedIlovedtodistraction; andthelossofalltheexpectationsIhad,andwhichIalways hadbuiltmyhopesupon,ofhavinghimonedayformy husband。 Thesethingsoppressedmymindsomuch,that,in short,Ifellveryill;theagoniesofmymind,inaword,threw meintoahighfever,andlongitwas,thatnoneinthefamily expectedmylife。 Iwasreducedverylowindeed,andwasoftendeliriousand light-headed;butnothinglaysonearmeasthefearthat,when Iwaslight-headed,Ishouldsaysomethingorothertohis prejudice。 Iwasdistressedinmymindalsotoseehim,and sohewastoseeme,forhereallylovedmemostpassionately; butitcouldnotbe;therewasnottheleastroomtodesireit ononesideorother,orsomuchastomakeitdecent。 ItwasnearfiveweeksthatIkeptmybedandthoughthe violenceofmyfeverabatedinthreeweeks,yetitseveral timesreturned;andthephysicianssaidtwoorthreetimes, theycoulddonomoreforme,butthattheymustleavenature andthedistempertofightitout,onlystrengtheningthefirst withcordialstomaintainthestruggle。 Aftertheendoffive weeksIgrewbetter,butwassoweak,soaltered,somelancholy, andrecoveredsoslowly,thattheyphysiciansapprehendedI shouldgointoaconsumption;andwhichvexedmemost, theygaveitastheiropinionthatmymindwasoppressed, thatsomethingtroubledme,and,inshort,thatIwasinlove。 Uponthis,thewholehousewassetuponmetoexamineme, andtopressmetotellwhetherIwasinloveornot,andwith whom;butasIwellmight,Ideniedmybeinginloveatall。 Theyhadonthisoccasionasquabbleonedayaboutmeat table,thathadliketohaveputthewholefamilyinanuproar, andforsometimedidso。 Theyhappenedtobeallattablebut thefather;asforme,Iwasill,andinmychamber。 Atthe beginningofthetalk,whichwasjustastheyhadfinished theirdinner,theoldgentlewoman,whohadsentmesomewhat toeat,calledhermaidtogoupandaskmeifIwouldhaveany more;butthemaidbroughtdownwordIhadnoteatenhalf whatshehadsentmealready。 ’Alas,saystheoldlady,’thatpoorgirl! Iamafraidshewill neverbewell。’ ’Well!’saystheelderbrother,’howshouldMrs。Bettybewell? Theysaysheisinlove。’ ’Ibelievenothingofit,’saystheoldgentlewoman。 ’Idon’tknow,’saystheeldestsister,’whattosaytoit; theyhavemadesucharoutaboutherbeingsohandsome,and socharming,andIknownotwhat,andthatinherhearingtoo, thathasturnedthecreature’shead,Ibelieve,andwhoknows whatpossessionsmayfollowsuchdoings? Formypart,I don’tknowwhattomakeofit。’ ’Why,sister,youmustacknowledgesheisveryhandsome,’ saystheelderbrother。’ ’Ay,andagreatdealhandsomerthanyou,sister,’saysRobin, ’andthat’syourmortification。’ ’Well,well,thatisnotthequestion,’sayshissister;’thatgirl iswellenough,andsheknowsitwellenough;sheneednot betoldofittomakehervain。’ ’Wearenottalkingofherbeingvain,’saystheelderbrother, ’butofherbeinginlove;itmaybesheisinlovewithherself; itseemsmysistersthinkso。’ ’Iwouldshewasinlovewithme,’saysRobin;’I’dquickly putheroutofherpain。’ ’Whatd’yemeanbythat,son,’saystheoldlady;’howcan youtalkso?’ ’Why,madam,’saysRobin,again,veryhonestly,’doyou thinkI’dletthepoorgirldieforlove,andofonethatisnear athandtobehad,too?’ ’Fie,brother!’,saysthesecondsister,’howcanyoutalkso? Wouldyoutakeacreaturethathasnotagroatintheworld?’ ’Prithee,child,’saysRobin,’beauty’saportion,andgood- humourwithitisadoubleportion;Iwishthouhadsthalfher stockofbothforthyportion。’ Sotherewashermouthstopped。 ’Ifind,’saystheeldestsister,’ifBettyisnotinlove,my brotheris。 IwonderhehasnotbrokehismindtoBetty;I warrantshewon’tsayNo。’ ’Theythatyieldwhenthey’reasked,’saysRobin,’areone stepbeforethemthatwereneveraskedtoyield,sister,and twostepsbeforethemthatyieldbeforetheyareasked;and that’sananswertoyou,sister。’ Thisfiredthesister,andsheflewintoapassion,andsaid, thingsweresometothatpassthatitwastimethewench, meaningme,wasoutofthefamily;andbutthatshewasnot fittobeturnedout,shehopedherfatherandmotherwould considerofitassoonasshecouldberemoved。 Robinreplied,thatwasbusinessforthemasterandmistress ofthefamily,whowherenottobetaughtbyonethathadso littlejudgmentashiseldestsister。 Itranupagreatdealfarther;thesisterscolded,Robinrallied andbantered,butpoorBettylostgroundbyitextremelyin thefamily。 Iheardofit,andIcriedheartily,andtheoldlady cameuptome,somebodyhavingtoldherthatIwassomuch concernedaboutit。 Icomplainedtoher,thatitwasveryhard thedoctorsshouldpasssuchacensureuponme,forwhich theyhadnoground;andthatitwasstillharder,considering thecircumstancesIwasunderinthefamily;thatIhopedI haddonenothingtolessenheresteemforme,orgivenany occasionforthebickeringbetweenhersonsanddaughters, andIhadmoreneedtothinkofacoffinthanofbeinginlove, andbeggedshewouldnotletmesufferinheropinionfor anybody’smistakesbutmyown。 ShewassensibleofthejusticeofwhatIsaid,buttoldme, sincetherehadbeensuchaclamouramongthem,andthather youngersontalkedaftersucharattlingwayashedid,she desiredIwouldbesofaithfultoherastoanswerherbutone questionsincerely。 ItoldherIwould,withallmyheart,and withtheutmostplainnessandsincerity。 Why,then,the questionwas,whethertherewayanythingbetweenherson Robertandme。 Itoldherwithalltheprotestationsofsincerity thatIwasabletomake,andasImightwell,do,thattherewas not,noreveryhadbeen;ItoldherthatMr。Roberthadrattled andjested,assheknewitwashisway,andthatItookitalways, asIsupposedhemeantit,tobeawildairywayofdiscourse thathadnosignificationinit;andagainassuredher,thatthere wasnottheleasttittleofwhatsheunderstoodbyitbetween us;andthatthosewhohadsuggestedithaddonemeagreat dealofwrong,andMr。Robertnoserviceatall。 Theoldladywasfullysatisfied,andkissedme,spoke cheerfullytome,andbidmetakecareofmyhealthandwant fornothing,andsotookherleave。 Butwhenshecamedown shefoundthebrotherandallhissisterstogetherbytheears; theywereangry,eventopassion,athisupbraidingthemwith theirbeinghomely,andhavingneverhadanysweethearts, neverhavingbeenaskedthequestion,andtheirbeingso forwardasalmosttoaskfirst。 Heralliedthemuponthe subjectofMrs。Betty;howpretty,howgood-humoured,how shesungbetterthentheydid,anddancedbetter,andhow muchhandsomershewas;andindoingthisheomittedno ill-naturedthingthatcouldvexthem,andindeed,pushedtoo harduponthem。 Theoldladycamedownintheheightofit, andtoputastopitto,toldthemallthediscourseshehadhad withme,andhowIanswered,thattherewasnothingbetween Mr。RobertandI。 ’She’swrongthere,’saysRobin,’foriftherewasnotagreat dealbetweenus,weshouldbeclosertogetherthanweare。 ItoldherIloverherhugely,’sayshe,’butIcouldnevermake thejadebelieveIwasinearnest。’ ’Idonotknowhowyou should,’sayshismother;’nobodyintheirsensescouldbelieve youwereinearnest,totalksotoapoorgirl,whosecircumstances youknowsowell。 ’Butprithee,son,’addsshe,’sinceyoutellmethatyoucould notmakeherbelieveyouwereinearnest,whatmustwe believeaboutit? Foryouramblesoinyourdiscourse,that nobodyknowswhetheryouareinearnestorinjest;butasI findthegirl,byyourownconfession,hasansweredtruly,I wishyouwoulddosotoo,andtellmeseriously,sothatImay dependuponit。 Isthereanythinginitorno? Areyouin earnestorno?