Beforemyhusbanddiedhiselderbrotherwasmarried，and
we，beingthenremovedtoLondon，werewrittentobytheold
ladytocomeandbeatthewedding。
Myhusbandwent，butI
pretendedindisposition，andthatIcouldnotpossiblytravel，
soIstayedbehind；for，inshort，Icouldnotbearthesightof
hisbeinggiventoanotherwoman，thoughIknewIwasnever
tohavehimmyself。
Iwasnow，asabove，leftloosetotheworld，andbeingstill
youngandhandsome，aseverybodysaidofme，andIassure
youIthoughtmyselfso，andwithatolerablefortuneinmy
pocket，Iputnosmallvalueuponmyself。
Iwascourtedby
severalveryconsiderabletradesmen，andparticularlyvery
warmlybyone，alinen-draper，atwhosehouse，aftermy
husband’sdeath，Itookalodging，hissisterbeingmyacquaintance。
HereIhadallthelibertyandalltheopportunitytobegayand
appearincompanythatIcoulddesire，mylandlord’ssister
beingoneofthemaddest，gayestthingsalive，andnotsomuch
mistressofhervirtueasIthoughtasfirstshehadbeen。
She
broughtmeintoaworldof
wildcompany，andevenbrought
homeseveralpersons，suchasshelikedwellenoughtogratify，
toseeherprettywidow，soshewaspleasedtocallme，and
thatnameIgotinalittletimeinpublic。
Now，asfameand
foolsmakeanassembly，Iwasherewonderfullycaressed，had
abundanceofadmirers，andsuchascalledthemselveslovers；
butIfoundnotonefairproposalamongthemall。
Asfortheir
commondesign，thatIunderstoodtoowelltobedrawninto
anymoresnaresofthatkind。
Thecasewasalteredwithme:
Ihadmoneyinmypocket，andhadnothingtosaytothem。
I
hadbeentrickedoncebythatcheatcalledlove，butthegame
wasover；
Iwasresolvednowtobemarriedornothing，and
tobewellmarriedornotatall。
Ilovedthecompany，indeed，ofmenofmirthandwit，menof
gallantryandfigure，andwasoftenentertainedwithsuch，as
Iwasalsowithothers；butIfoundbyjustobservation，thatthe
brightestmencameuponthedullesterrand——thatistosay，the
dullestastowhatIaimedat。
Ontheotherhand，thosewho
camewiththebestproposalswerethedullestandmost
disagreeablepartoftheworld。
Iwasnotaversetoatradesman，
butthenIwouldhaveatradesman，forsooth，thatwas
somethingofagentlemantoo；thatwhenmyhusbandhada
mindtocarrymetothecourt，ortotheplay，hemightbecome
asword，andlookaslikeagentlemanasanotherman；andnot
beonethathadthemarkofhisapron-stringsuponhiscoat，
orthemarkofhishatuponhisperiwig；thatshouldlookasif
hewassetontohissword，whenhisswordwasputontohim，
andthatcarriedhistradeinhiscountenance。
Well，atlastIfoundthisamphibiouscreature，thisland-water
thingcalledagentleman-tradesman；andasajustplagueupon
myfolly，Iwascatchedintheverysnarewhich，asImightsay，
Ilaidformyself。
Isaidformyself，forIwasnottrepanned，
Iconfess，butIbetrayedmyself。
Thiswasadraper，too，forthoughmycomradewouldhave
broughtmetoabargainwithherbrother，yetwhenitcameto
thepoint，itwas，itseems，foramistress，notawife；andIkept
truetothisnotion，thatawomanshouldneverbekeptfora
mistressthathadmoneytokeepherself。
Thusmypride，notmyprinciple，mymoney，notmyvirtue，
keptmehonest；though，asitproved，IfoundIhadmuchbetter
havebeensoldbymyshe-comradetoherbrother，thanhave
soldmyselfasIdidtoatradesmanthatwasrake，gentleman，
shopkeeper，andbeggar，alltogether。
ButIwashurriedon(bymyfancytoagentleman)toruin
myselfinthegrossestmannerthateverywomandid；formy
newhusbandcomingtoalumpofmoneyatonce，fellinto
suchaprofusionofexpense，thatallIhad，andallhehad
before，ifhehadanythingworthmentioning，wouldnothave
helditoutaboveoneyear。
Hewasveryfondofmeforaboutaquarterofayear，and
what
Igotbythatwas，thatIhadthepleasureofseeingagreat
dealofmymoneyspentuponmyself，and，asImaysay，had
someofthespendingittoo。
’Come，mydear，’sayshetome
oneday，’shallwegoandtakeaturnintothecountryforabout
aweek？’’Ay，mydear，’saysI，’whitherwouldyougo？’
’I
carenotwhither，’sayshe，’butIhaveamindtolooklike
qualityforaweek。
We’llgotoOxford，’sayshe。
’How，’says
I，’shallwego？Iamnohorsewoman，and’tistoofarforacoach。’
’Toofar！’sayshe；’noplaceistoofarforacoach-and-six。
If
Icarryyouout，youshalltravellikeaduchess。’
’Hum，’says
I，’mydear，’tisafrolic；butifyouhaveamindtoit，Idon’t
care。’
Well，thetimewasappointed，wehadarichcoach，very
goodhorses，acoachman，postillion，andtwofootmeninvery
goodliveries；agentlemanonhorseback，andapagewitha
featherinhishatuponanotherhorse。
Theservantsallcalled
himmylord，andtheinn-keepers，youmaybesure，didthelike，
andIwasherhonourtheCountess，andthuswetraveledto
Oxford，andaverypleasantjourneywehad；for，givehimhis
due，notabeggaraliveknewbetterhowtobealordthanmy
husband。
WesawalltheraritiesatOxford，talkedwithtwoor
threeFellowsofcollegesaboutputtingoutayoungnephew，
thatwaslefttohislordship’scare，totheUniversity，andof
theirbeinghistutors。
Wedivertedourselveswithbantering
severalotherpoorscholars，withhopesofbeingatleasthis
lordship’schaplainsandputtingonascarf；andthushaving
livedlikequalityindeed，astoexpense，wewentawayfor
Northampton，and，inaword，inabouttwelvedays’ramble
camehomeagain，tothetuneofabout#93expense。
Vanityistheperfectionofafop。
Myhusbandhadthis
excellence，thathevaluednothingofexpense；andashis
history，youmaybesure，hasverylittleweightinit，’tis
enoughtotellyouthatinabouttwoyearsandaquarterhe
broke，andwasnotsohappytogetoverintotheMint，butgot
intoasponging-house，beingarrestedinanactiontooheavy
fromhimtogivebailto，sohesentformetocometohim。
Itwasnosurprisetome，forIhadforeseensometimethat
allwasgoingtowreck，andhadbeentakingcaretoreserve
somethingifIcould，thoughitwasnotmuch，formyself。
But
whenhesentforme，hebehavedmuchbetterthanIexpected，
andtoldmeplainlyhehadplayedthefool，andsuffered
himselftobesurprised，whichhemighthaveprevented；that
nowheforesawhecouldnotstandit，andthereforehewould
havemegohome，andinthenighttakeawayeverythingIhad
inthehouseofanyvalue，andsecureit；andafterthat，hetold
methatifIcouldgetawayonehundredortwohundredpounds
ingoodsoutoftheshop，Ishoulddoit；’only，’sayshe，’letme
knownothingofit，neitherwhatyoutakenorwhitheryou
carryit；forasforme，’sayshe，’Iamresolvedtogetoutof
thishouseandbegone；andifyouneverhearofmemore，my
dear，’sayshe，’Iwishyouwell；Iamonlysorryfortheinjury
Ihavedoneyou。’
Hesaidsomeveryhandsomethingstome
indeedatparting；forItoldyouhewasagentleman，andthat
wasallthebenefit
Ihadofhisbeingso；thatheusedmevery
handsomelyandwithgoodmannersuponalloccasions，even
tothelast，onlyspentallIhad，andleftmetorobthecreditors
forsomethingtosubsiston。
However，Ididashebademe，thatyoumaybesure；and
havingthustakenmyleaveofhim，Ineversawhimmore，for
hefoundmeanstobreakoutofthebailiff’shousethatnight
orthenext，andgooverintoFrance，andfortherestofthe
creditorsscrambledforitaswellastheycould。
How，Iknew
not，forIcouldcomeatnoknowledgeofanything，morethan
this，thathecamehomeaboutthreeo’clockinthemorning，
causedtherestofhisgoodstoberemovedintotheMint，and
theshoptobeshutup；andhavingraisedwhatmoneyhecould
gettogether，hegotover，asIsaid，toFrance，fromwhenceI
hadoneortwolettersfromhim，andnomore。
Ididnotseehim
whenhecamehome，forhehavinggivenmesuchinstructions
asabove，andIhavingmadethebestofmytime，Ihadnomore
businessbackagainatthehouse，notknowingbutImighthave
beenstoppedtherebythecreditors；foracommissionof
bankruptbeingsoonafterissued，theymighthavestoppedme
byordersfromthecommissioners。
Butmyhusband，having
sodexterouslygotoutofthebailiff’shousebylettinghimself
downinamostdesperatemannerfromalmostthetopofthe
housetothetopofanotherbuilding，andleapingfromthence，
whichwasalmosttwostoreys，andwhichwasenoughindeed
tohavebrokenhisneck，hecamehomeandgotawayhisgoods
beforethecreditorscouldcometoseize；thatistosay，before
theycouldgetoutthecommission，andbereadytosendtheir
officerstotakepossession。
Myhusbandwassociviltome，forstillIsayhewasmuch
ofagentleman，thatinthefirstletterhewrotemefromFrance，
heletmeknowwherehehadpawnedtwentypiecesoffine
hollandfor#30，whichwerereallyworth#90，andenclosed
methetokenandanorderforthetakingthemup，payingthe
money，whichIdid，andmadeintimeabove#100ofthem，
havingleisuretocutthemandsellthem，someandsome，to
privatefamilies，asopportunityoffered。
