However，withallthis，andallthatIhadsecuredbefore，I
found，uponcastingthingsup，mycasewasverymuchaltered，
anymyfortunemuchlessened；for，includingthehollandsand
aparceloffinemuslins，whichIcarriedoffbefore，andsome
plate，andotherthings，IfoundIcouldhardlymusterup#500；
andmyconditionwasveryodd，forthoughIhadnochild(I
hadhadonebymygentlemandraper，butitwasburied)，yetI
wasawidowbewitched；Ihadahusbandandnohusband，and
Icouldnotpretendtomarryagain，thoughIknewwellenough
myhusbandwouldneverseeEnglandanymore，ifhelivedfifty
years。
Thus，Isay，Iwaslimitedfrommarriage，whatoffer
mightsoeverbemademe；andIhadnotonefriendtoadvise
withintheconditionIwasin，leasenotoneIdursttrustthe
secretofmycircumstancesto，forifthecommissionerswere
tohavebeeninformedwhereIwas，Ishouldhavebeenfetched
upandexamineduponoath，andallIhavesavedbetakenaware
fromme。
Upontheseapprehensions，thefirstthingIdidwastogoquite
outofmyknowledge，andgobyanothername。
ThisIdid
effectually，forIwentintotheMinttoo，tooklodgingsina
veryprivateplace，dressedupinthehabitofawidow，and
calledmyselfMrs。Flanders。
Here，however，Iconcealedmyself，andthoughmynew
acquaintancesknewnothingofme，yetIsoongotagreat
dealofcompanyaboutme；andwhetheritbethatwomenare
scarceamongthesortsofpeoplethatgenerallyaretobefound
there，orthatsomeconsolationsinthemiseriesoftheplace
aremorerequisitethanonotheroccasions，Isoonfoundan
agreeablewomanwasexceedinglyvaluableamongthesons
ofafflictionthere，andthatthosethatwantedmoneytopay
halfacrownonthepoundtotheircreditors，andthatrunindebt
atthesignoftheBullfortheirdinners，wouldyetfindmoney
forasupper，iftheylikedthewoman。
However，Ikeptmyselfsafeyet，thoughIbegan，likemyLord
Rochester’smistress，thatlovedhiscompany，butwouldnot
admithimfarther，tohavethescandalofawhore，withoutthe
joy；anduponthisscore，tiredwiththeplace，andindeed
withthecompanytoo，Ibegantothinkofremoving。
Itwasindeedasubjectofstrangereflectiontometoseemen
whowereoverwhelmedinperplexedcircumstances，who
werereducedsomedegreesbelowbeingruined，whosefamilies
wereobjectsoftheirownterrorandotherpeople’scharity，
yetwhileapennylasted，nay，evenbeyondit，endeavouringto
drownthemselves，labouringtoforgetformerthings，which
notitwasthepropertimetoremember，makingmoreworkfor
repentance，andsinningon，asaremedyforsinpast。
Butitisnoneofmytalenttopreach；thesemenweretoo
wicked，evenforme。
Therewassomethinghorridandabsurd
intheirwayofsinning，foritwasallaforceevenupon
themselves；theydidnotonlyactagainstconscience，but
againstnature；theyputarapeupontheirtempertodrownthe
reflections，whichtheircircumstancescontinuallygavethem；
andnothingwasmoreeasythantoseehowsighswould
interrupttheirsongs，andpalenessandanguishsitupontheir
brows，inspiteoftheforcedsmilestheyputon；nay，sometimes
itwouldbreakoutattheirverymouthswhentheyhadparted
withtheirmoneyforalewdtreatorawickedembrace。
Ihave
heardthem，turningabout，fetchadeepsigh，andcry，’Whata
dogamI！
Well，Betty，mydear，I’lldrinkthyhealth，though’；
meaningthehonestwife，thatperhapshadnotahalf-crown
forherselfandthreeorfourchildren。
Thenextmorningthey
areattheirpenitentialsagain；andperhapsthepoorweeping
wifecomesovertohim，eitherbringshimsomeaccountof
whathiscreditorsaredoing，andhowsheandthechildrenare
turnedoutofdoors，orsomeotherdreadfulnews；andthis
addstohisself-reproaches；butwhenhehasthoughtandpored
onittillheisalmostmad，havingnoprinciplestosupporthim，
nothingwithinhimorabovehimtocomforthim，butfinding
italldarknessoneveryside，hefliestothesamereliefagain，
viz。todrinkitaway，debauchitaway，andfallinginto
companyofmeninjustthesameconditionwithhimself，he
repeatsthecrime，andthushegoeseverydayonestep
onwardofhiswaytodestruction。
Iwasnotwickedenoughforsuchfellowsastheseyet。
On
thecontrary，IbegantoconsiderhereveryseriouslywhatI
hadtodo；howthingsstoodwithme，andwhatcourseIought
totake。
IknewIhadnofriends，no，notonefriendorrelation
intheworld；andthatlittleIhadleftapparentlywasted，which
whenitwasgone，Isawnothingbutmiseryandstarvingwas
beforeme。
Upontheseconsiderations，Isay，andfilledwith
horrorattheplaceIwasin，andthedreadfulobjectswhichI
hadalwaysbeforeme，Iresolvedtobegone。
Ihadmadeanacquaintancewithaverysober，goodsortofa
woman，whowasawidowtoo，likeme，butinbettercircumstances。
Herhusbandhadbeenacaptainofamerchantship，andhaving
hadthemisfortunetobecastawaycominghomeonavoyage
fromtheWestIndies，whichwouldhavebeenveryprofitable
ifhehadcomesafe，wassoreducedbytheloss，thatthough
hehadsavedhislifethen，itbrokehisheart，andkilledhim
afterwards；andhiswidow，beingpursuedbythecreditors，was
forcedtotakeshelterintheMint。
Shesoonmadethingsup
withthehelpoffriends，andwasatlibertyagain；andfinding
thatIratherwastheretobeconcealed，thanbyanyparticular
prosecutionsandfindingalsothatIagreedwithher，orrather
shewithme，inajustabhorrenceoftheplaceandofthe
company，sheinvitedtogohomewithhertillIcouldput
myselfinsomepostureofsettlingintheworldtomymind；
withaltellingme，thatitwastentoonebutsomegoodcaptain
ofashipmighttakeafancytome，andcourtme，inthatpart
ofthetownwhereshelived。
Iacceptedheroffer，andwaswithherhalfayear，andshould
havebeenlonger，butinthatintervalwhatsheproposedtome
happenedtoherself，andshemarriedverymuchtoheradvantage。
Butwhosefortunesoeverwasupontheincrease，mineseemed
tobeuponthewane，andIfoundnothingpresent，excepttwo
orthreeboatswains，orsuchfellows，butasforthecommanders，
theyweregenerallyoftwosorts:
1。Suchas，havinggood
business，thatistosay，agoodship，resolvednottomarry
butwithadvantage，thatis，withagoodfortune；2。Suchas，
beingoutofemploy，wantedawifetohelpthemtoaship；I
mean(1)awifewho，havingsomemoney，couldenablethem
tohold，astheycallit，agoodpartofashipthemselves，soto
encourageownerstocomein；or(2)awifewho，ifshehadnot
money，hadfriendswhowereconcernedinshipping，andso
couldhelptoputtheyoungmanintoagoodship，whichto
themisasgoodasaportion；andneitherofthesewasmycase，
soIlookedlikeonethatwastolieonhand。
ThisknowledgeIsoonlearnedbyexperience，viz。thatthe
stateofthingswasalteredasto
matrimony，andthatIwasnot
toexpectatLondonwhatIhadfoundinthecountry:
that
marriageswereheretheconsequencesofpoliticschemesfor
forminginterests，andcarryingonbusiness，andthatLovehad
noshare，orbutverylittle，inthematter。
Thatasmysister-in-lawatColchesterhadsaid，beauty，wit，
manners，sense，goodhumour，goodbehaviour，education，
virtue，piety，oranyotherqualification，whetherofbodyor
mind，hadnopowertorecommend；thatmoneyonlymadea
womanagreeable；thatmenchosemistressesindeedbythe
gustoftheiraffection，anditwasrequisitetoawhoretobe
handsome，well-shaped，haveagoodmienandagraceful
behaviour；butthatforawife，nodeformitywouldshockthe
fancy，noillqualitiesthejudgment；themoneywasthething；
theportionwasneithercrookednormonstrous，butthemoney
wasalwaysagreeable，whateverthewifewas。
Ontheotherhand，asthemarketranveryunhappilyonthe
men’sside，Ifoundthewomenhadlosttheprivilegeofsaying
No；thatitwasafavournowforawomantohavetheQuestion
asked，andifanyyoungladyhadsomucharroganceasto
counterfeitanegative，sheneverhadtheopportunitygiven
herofdenyingtwice，muchlessofrecoveringthatfalsestep，
andacceptingwhatshehadbutseemedtodecline。
Themen
hadsuchchoiceeverywhere，thatthecaseofthewomenwas
veryunhappy；fortheyseemedtoplyateverydoor，andifthe
manwasbygreatchancerefusedatonehouse，hewassureto
bereceivedatthenext。
Besidesthis，Iobservedthatthemenmadenoscrupletoset
themselvesout，andtogoa-fortunehunting，astheycallit，
whentheyhadreallynofortunethemselvestodemandit，or
merittodeserveit；andthattheycarrieditsohigh，thatawoman
wasscarceallowedtoinquireafterthecharacterorestateof
thepersonthatpretendedtoher。
ThisIhadanexampleof，in
ayoungladyinthenexthousetome，andwithwhomIhad
contractedanintimacy；shewascourtedbyayoungcaptain，
andthoughshehadnear#2000toherfortune，shedidbut
inquireofsomeofhisneighboursabouthischaracter，his
morals，orsubstance，andhetookoccasionatthenextvisitto
letherknow，truly，thathetookitveryill，andthatheshould
notgiveherthetroubleofhisvisitsanymore。
Iheardofit，
andIhadbegunmyacquaintancewithher，Iwenttoseeher
uponit。
Sheenteredintoacloseconversationwithmeabout
it，andunbosomedherselfveryfreely。
Iperceivedpresently
thatthoughshethoughtherselfveryillused，yetshehadno
powertoresentit，andwasexceedinglypiquedthatshehad
losthim，andparticularlythatanotherof
lessfortunehad
gainedhim。
