第20章

类别:其他 作者:Daniel Defoe字数:4117更新时间:18/12/26 16:40:16
interruptedhim,andtoldhimIwassorryIhadgonesofar, sinceIsawwhatdisorderitputhiminto,butIdesiredhim nottotalktomeofexplanations,forthatwouldbutmake thingsworse。 Thisheightenedhisimpatience,and,indeed,perplexedhim beyondallbearing;fornowhebegantosuspectthatthere wassomemysteryyetunfolded,butcouldnotmaketheleast guessattherealparticularsofit;allthatraninhisbrainwas, thatIhadanotherhusbandalive,whichIcouldnotsayinfact mightnotbetrue,butIassuredhim,however,therewasnot theleastofthatinit;andindeed,astomyotherhusband,he waseffectuallydeadinlawtome,andhadtoldmeIshould lookonhimassuch,soIhadnottheleastuneasinessonthat score。 ButnowIfoundthethingtoofargonetoconcealitmuch longer,andmyhusbandhimselfgavemeanopportunityto easemyselfofthesecret,muchtomysatisfaction。 Hehad labouredwithmethreeorfourweeks,buttonopurpose,only totellhimwhetherIhadspokenthesewordsonlyastheeffect ofmypassion,toputhiminapassion,orwhethertherewas anythingof truthinthebottomofthem。 ButIcontinued inflexible,andwouldexplainnothing,unlesshewouldfirst consenttomygoingtoEngland,whichhewouldneverdo, hesaid,whilehelived;ontheotherhand,Isaiditwasinmy powertomakehimwillingwhenIpleased——nay,tomakehim entreatmetogo;andthisincreasedhiscuriosity,andmadehim importunatetothehighestdegree,butitwasalltonopurpose。 Atlengthhetellsallthisstorytohismother,andsetsherupon metogetthemainsecretoutofme,andsheusedherutmost skillwithmeindeed;butIputhertoafullstopatonceby tellingherthatthereasonandmysteryofthewholematterlay inherself,andthatitwasmyrespecttoherthathadmademe concealit;andthat,inshort,Icouldgonofarther,andtherefore conjuredhernottoinsistuponit。 Shewasstruckdumbatthissuggestion,andcouldnottell whattosayortothink;but,layingasidethesuppositionasa policyofmine,continuedherimportunityonaccountofher son,and,ifpossible,tomakeupthebreachbetweenustwo。 Astothat,Itoldherthatitwasindeedagooddesigninher, butthatitwasimpossibletobedone;andthatifIshouldreveal toherthetruthofwhatshedesired,shewouldgrantittobe impossible,andceasetodesireit。 AtlastIseemedtobe prevailedonbyherimportunity,andtoldherIdaredtrusther withasecretofthegreatestimportance,andshewouldsoon seethatthiswasso,andthatIwouldconsenttolodgeitin herbreast,ifshewouldengagesolemnlynottoacquainther sonwithitwithoutmyconsent。 Shewaslonginpromisingthispart,butratherthannotcome atthemainsecret,sheagreedtothattoo,andafteragreat manyotherpreliminaries,Ibegan,andtoldherthewholestory。 FirstItoldherhowmuchshewasconcernedinalltheunhappy breachwhichhadhappenedbetweenhersonandme,bytelling meherownstoryandherLondonname;andthatthesurprise shesawIwasinwasuponthatoccasion。 TheItoldhermy ownstory,andmyname,andassuredher,bysuchothertokens asshecouldnotdeny,thatIwasnoother,normoreorless, thanherownchild,herdaughter,bornofherbodyinNewgate; thesamethathadsavedherfromthegallowsbybeinginher belly,andthesamethatsheleftinsuch-and-suchhandswhen shewastransported。 Itisimpossibletoexpresstheastonishmentshewasin;she wasnotinclinedtobelievethestory,ortorememberthe particulars,forsheimmediatelyforesawtheconfusionthat mustfollowinthefamilyuponit。 Buteverythingconcurred soexactlywiththestoriesshehadtoldmeofherself,andwhich, ifshehadnottoldme,shewouldperhapshavebeencontent tohavedenied,thatshehadstoppedherownmouth,andshe hadnothingtodobuttotakemeabouttheneckandkissme, andcrymostvehementlyoverme,withoutspeakingoneword foralongtimetogether。 Atlastshebrokeout: ’Unhappychild!’ saysshe,’whatmiserablechancecouldbringtheehither?and inthearmsofmyownson,too! Dreadfulgirl,’saysshe,’why, weareallundone! Marriedtothyownbrother! Threechildren, andtwoalive,allofthesamefleshandblood! Mysonandmy daughterlyingtogetherashusbandandwife! Allconfusion anddistractionforever! Miserablefamily!whatwillbecome ofus? Whatistobesaid? Whatistobedone?’ Andthusshe ranonforagreatwhile;norhadIanypowertospeak,orif Ihad,didIknowwhattosay,foreverywordwoundedmeto thesoul。 Withthiskindofamazementonourthoughtswe partedforthefirsttime,thoughmymotherwasmoresurprised thanIwas,becauseitwasmorenewstoherthantome。 However,shepromisedagaintomeatparting,thatshewould saynothingofittoherson,tillwehadtalkedofitagain。 EndofPart3 Part4 Itwasnotlong,youmaybesure,beforewehadasecond conferenceuponthesamesubject;when,asifshehadbeen willingtoforgetthestoryshehadtoldmeofherself,orto supposethatIhadforgotsomeoftheparticulars,shebegan totellthemwithalterationsandomissions;butIrefreshedher memoryandsethertorightsinmanythingswhichIsupposed shehadforgot,andthencameinsoopportunelywiththe wholehistory,thatitwasimpossibleforhertogofromit;and thenshefellintoherrhapsodiesagain,andexclamationsatthe severityofhermisfortunes。 Whenthesethingswerealittle overwithher,wefellintoaclosedebateaboutwhatshould befirstdonebeforewegaveanaccountofthemattertomy husband。 Buttowhatpurposecouldbeallourconsultations? Wecouldneitherofusseeourwaythroughit,norseehowit couldbesafetoopensuchascenetohim。 Itwasimpossible tomakeanyjudgment,orgiveanyguessatwhattemperhe wouldreceiveitin,orwhatmeasureshewouldtakeuponit; andifheshouldhavesolittlegovernmentofhimselfastomake itpublic,weeasilyforesawthatitwouldbetheruinofthe wholefamily,andexposemymotherandmetothelastdegree; andifatlastheshouldtaketheadvantagethelawwouldgive him,hemightputmeawaywithdisdainandleavemetosue forthelittleportionthatIhad,andperhapswasteitallinthe suit,andthenbeabeggar;thechildrenwouldberuinedtoo, havingnolegalclaimtoanyofhiseffects;andthusIshould seehim,perhaps,inthearmsofanotherwifeinafewmonths, andbemyselfthemostmiserablecreaturealive。 MymotherwasassensibleofthisasI;and,uponthewhole, weknewnotwhattodo。 Aftersometimewecametomore soberresolutions,butthenitwaswiththismisfortunetoo,that mymother’sopinionandminewerequitedifferentfromone another,andindeedinconsistentwithoneanother;formy mother’sopinionwas,thatIshouldburythewholething entirely,andcontinuetolivewithhimasmyhusbandtillsome othereventshouldmakethediscoveryofitmoreconvenient; andthatinthemeantimeshewouldendeavourtoreconcileus togetheragain,andrestoreourmutualcomfortandfamily peace;thatwemightlieasweusedtodotogether,andsolet thewholematterremainasecretascloseasdeath。 ’For,child,’ saysshe,’wearebothundoneifitcomesout。’ Toencouragemetothis,shepromisedtomakemeeasyinmy circumstances,asfarasshewasable,andtoleavemewhat shecouldatherdeath,securedformeseparatelyfrommy husband;sothatifitshouldcomeoutafterwards,Ishouldnot beleftdestitute,butbeabletostandonmyownfeetand procurejusticefromhim。 Thisproposaldidnotagreeatallwithmyjudgmentofthe thing,thoughitwasveryfairandkindinmymother;butmy thoughtsranquiteanotherway。 Astokeepingthethinginourownbreasts,andlettingitall remainasitwas,Itoldheritwasimpossible;andIaskedher howshecouldthinkIcouldbearthethoughtsoflyingwith myownbrother。 Inthenextplace,Itoldherthatherbeing alivewastheonlysupportofthediscovery,andthatwhileshe ownedmeforherchild,andsawreasontobesatisfiedthatI wasso,nobodyelsewoulddoubtit;butthatifsheshoulddie beforethediscovery,Ishouldbetakenforanimpudentcreature thathadforgedsuchathingtogoawayfrommyhusband,or shouldbecountedcrazedanddistracted。 ThenItoldherhow hehadthreatenedalreadytoputmeintoamadhouse,andwhat concernIhadbeeninaboutit,andhowthatwasthethingthat drovemetothenecessityofdiscoveringittoherasIhaddone。 FromallwhichItoldher,thatIhad,onthemostserious reflectionsIwasabletomakeinthecase,cometothisresolution, whichIhopedshewouldlike,asamediumbetweenboth,viz。 thatsheshoulduseherendeavourswithhersontogiveme leavetogotoEngland,asIhaddesired,andtofurnishmewith asufficientsumofmoney,eitheringoodsalongwithme,or inbillsformysupportthere,allalongsuggestingthathemight onetimeorotherthinkitpropertocomeovertome。 ThatwhenIwasgone,sheshouldthen,incoldblood,and afterfirstobliginghiminthesolemnestmannerpossibleto secrecy,discoverthecasetohim,doingitgradually,andas herowndiscretionshouldguideher,sothathemightnotbe surprisedwithit,andflyoutintoanypassionsandexcesses onmyaccount,oronhers;andthatsheshouldconcernherself topreventhisslightingthechildren,ormarryingagain,unless hehadacertainaccountofmybeingdead。 Thiswasmyscheme,andmyreasonsweregood;Iwasreally alienatedfromhimintheconsequencesofthesethings;indeed, Imortallyhatedhimasahusband,anditwasimpossibleto removethatrivetedaversionIhadtohim。 Atthesametime,