IfIswingbythestring
Ishallhearthebellring1
Andthenthere’sanendofpoorJenny。’
Imentionthisbecauseitwouldbeworththeobservationofanyprisoner，whoshallhereafterfallintothesamemisfortune，andcometothatdreadfulplaceofNewgate，howtime，necessity，andconversingwiththewretchesthataretherefamiliarizestheplacetothem；howatlasttheybecomereconciledtothatwhichatfirstwasthegreatestdreadupontheirspiritsintheworld，andareasimpudentlycheerfuland
merryintheirmiseryastheywerewhenoutofit。
Icannotsay，assomedo，thisdevilisnotsoblackasheis
painted；forindeednocolourscanrepresenttheplacetothe
life，notanysoulconceivearightofitbutthosewhohave
beensuffersthere。
Buthowhellshouldbecomebydegreeso
natural，andnotonlytolerable，butevenagreeable，isathing
unintelligiblebutbythosewhohaveexperiencedit，asIhave。
ThesamenightthatIwassenttoNewgate，Isentthenewsof
ittomyoldgoverness，whowassurprisedatit，youmaybe
sure，andspentthenightalmostasilloutofNewgate，asIdid
init。
Thenextmorningshecametoseeme；shedidwhatshecould
tocomfortme，butshesawthatwastonopurpose；however，
asshesaid，tosinkundertheweightwasbuttoincreasethe
weight；sheimmediatelyappliedherselftoalltheproper
methodstopreventtheeffectsofit，whichwefeared，and
firstshefoundoutthetwofieryjadesthathadsurprisedme。
Shetamperedwiththem，offeredthemmoney，and，inaword，
triedallimaginablewaystopreventaprosecution；sheoffered
oneofthewenches#100togoawayfromhermistress，and
nottoappearagainstme，butshewassoresolute，thatthough
shewasbutaservantmaidat#3ayearwagesorthereabouts，
sherefusedit，andwouldhaverefusedit，asmygoverness
saidshebelieved，ifshehadofferedher#500。
Thenshe
attackedtheothermaid；shewasnotsohard-heartedin
appearanceastheother，andsometimesseemedinclinedto
bemerciful；butthefirstwenchkeptherup，andchangedher
mind，andwouldnotsomuchasletmygovernesstalkwith
her，butthreatenedtohaveherupfortamperingwiththe
evidence。
Thensheappliedtothemaster，thatistosay，themanwhose
goodshadbeenstolen，andparticularlytohiswife，who，as
Itoldyou，wasinclinedatfirsttohavesomecompassionfor
me；shefoundthewomanthesamestill，butthemanalleged
hewasboundbythejusticethatcommittedme，toprosecute，
andthatheshouldforfeithisrecognisance。
Mygovernessofferedtofindfriendsthatshouldgethis
recognisancesoffofthefile，astheycallit，andthathe
shouldnotsuffer；butitwasnotpossibletoconvincehimthat
couldbedone，orthathecouldbesafeanywayintheworld
butbyappearingagainstme；soIwastohavethreewitnesses
offactagainstme，themasterandhistwomaids；thatistosay，
IwasascertaintobecastformylifeasIwascertainthatI
wasalive，andIhadnothingtodobuttothinkofdying，and
prepareforit。
Ihadbutasadfoundationtobuildupon，asI
saidbefore，forallmyrepentanceappearedtometobeonly
theeffectofmyfearofdeath，notasincereregretforthe
wickedlifethatIhadlived，andwhichhadbroughtthismisery
uponme，fortheoffendingmyCreator，whowasnowsuddenly
tobemyjudge。
Ilivedmanydayshereundertheutmosthorrorofsoul；Ihad
death，asitwere，inview，andthoughtofnothingnightand
day，butofgibbetsandhalters，evilspiritsanddevils；itisnot
tobeexpressedbywordshowIwasharassed，betweenthe
dreadfulapprehensionsofdeathandtheterrorofmyconscience
reproachingmewithmypasthorriblelife。
TheordinaryOfNewgatecametome，andtalkedalittlein
hisway，butallhisdivinityranuponconfessingmycrime，as
hecalledit(thoughheknewnotwhatIwasinfor)，makinga
fulldiscovery，andthelike，withoutwhichhetoldmeGod
wouldneverforgiveme；andhesaidsolittletothepurpose，
thatIhadnomannerofconsolationfromhim；andthento
observethepoorcreaturepreachingconfessionandrepentance
tomeinthemorning，andfindhimdrunkwithbrandyand
spiritsbynoon，thishadsomethinginitsoshocking，thatI
begantonauseatethemanmorethanhiswork，andhiswork
toobydegrees，forthesakeoftheman；sothatIdesiredhim
totroublemenomore。
Iknownothowitwas，butbytheindefatigableapplication
ofmydiligentgovernessIhadnobillpreferredagainstme
thefirstsessions，Imeantothegrandjury，atGuildhall；soI
hadanothermonthorfiveweeksbeforeme，andwithoutdoubt
thisoughttohavebeenacceptedbyme，assomuchtimegiven
meforreflectionuponwhatwaspast，andpreparationforwhat
wastocome；or，inaword，Ioughttohaveesteemeditasa
spacegivenmeforrepentance，andhaveemployeditassuch，
butitwasnotinme。
Iwassorry(asbefore)forbeingin
Newgate，buthadveryfewsignsofrepentanceaboutme。
Onthecontrary，likethewatersinthecavitiesandhollows
ofmountains，whichpetrifyandturnintostonewhateverthey
aresufferedtodropon，sothecontinualconversingwithsuch
acrewofhell-houndsasIwas，hadthesamecommonoperation
uponmeasuponotherpeople。
Idegeneratedintostone；I
turnedfirststupidandsenseless，thenbrutishandthoughtless，
andatlastravingmadasanyofthemwere；and，inshort，I
becameasnaturallypleasedandeasywiththeplace，asif
indeedIhadbeenbornthere。
Itisscarcepossibletoimaginethatournaturesshouldbe
capableofsomuchdegeneracy，astomakethatpleasantand
agreeablethatinitselfisthemostcompletemisery。
Here
wasacircumstancethatIthinkitisscarcepossibletomention
aworse:
Iwasasexquisitelymiserableas，speakingof
commoncases，itwaspossibleforanyonetobethathadlife
andhealth，andmoneytohelpthem，asIhad。
Ihadweightofguiltuponmeenoughtosinkanycreature
whohadtheleastpowerofreflectionleft，andhadanysense
uponthemofthehappinessofthislife，ofthemiseryof
another；thenIhadatfirstremorseindeed，butnorepentance；
Ihadnowneitherremorsenorrepentance。
Ihadacrime
chargedonme，thepunishmentofwhichwasdeathbyour
law；theproofsoevident，thattherewasnoroomformeso
muchastopleadnotguilty。
Ihadthenameofanoldoffender，
sothatIhadnothingtoexpectbutdeathinafewweeks’time，
neitherhadImyselfanythoughtsofescaping；andyetacertain
strangelethargyofsoulpossessedme。
Ihadnotrouble，no
apprehensions，nosorrowaboutme，thefirstsurprisewas
gone；Iwas，Imaywellsay，Iknownothow；mysenses，my
reason，nay，myconscience，wereallasleep；mycourseoflife
forfortyyearshadbeenahorridcomplicationofwickedness，
whoredom，adultery，incest，lying，theft；and，inaword，
everythingbutmurderandtreasonhadbeenmypracticefrom
theageofeighteen，orthereabouts，tothree-score；andnowI
wasengulfedinthemiseryofpunishment，andhadaninfamous
deathjustatthedoor，andyetIhadnosenseofmycondition，
nothoughtofheavenorhellatleast，thatwentanyfartherthan
abareflyingtouch，likethestitchorpainthatgivesahintand
goesoff。
IneitherhadahearttoaskGod’smercy，norindeed
tothinkofit。
Andinthis，Ithink，Ihavegivenabrief
descriptionofthecompletestmiseryonearth。
Allmyterrifyingthoughtswerepast，thehorrorsoftheplace
werebecomefamiliar，andIfeltnomoreuneasinessatthe
noiseandclamoursoftheprison，thantheydidwhomade
thatnoise；inaword，IwasbecomeamereNewgate-bird，as
wickedandasoutrageousasanyofthem；nay，Iscarce
retainedthehabitandcustomofgoodbreedingandmanners，
whichallalongtillnowranthroughmyconversation；so
thoroughadegeneracyhadpossessedme，thatIwasnomore
thesamethingthatIhadbeen，thanifIhadneverbeen
otherwisethanwhatIwasnow。
InthemiddleofthishardenedpartofmylifeIhadanother
suddensurprise，whichcalledmebackalittletothatthing
calledsorrow，whichindeedIbegantobepastthesenseof
before。
Theytoldmeonenightthattherewasbroughtinto
theprisonlatethenightbeforethreehighwaymen，whohad
committedrobberysomewhereontheroadtoWindsor，
HounslowHeath，Ithinkitwas，andwerepursuedtoUxbridge
bythecountry，andweretakenthereafteragallantresistance，
inwhichIknownothowmanyofthecountrypeoplewere
wounded，andsomekilled。
Itisnottobewonderedthatweprisonerswerealldesirous
enoughtoseethesebrave，toppinggentlemen，thatwere
talkeduptobesuchastheirfellowshadnotbeenknown，and
especiallybecauseitwassaidtheywouldinthemorningbe
removedintothepress-yard，havinggivenmoneytothehead
masteroftheprison，tobeallowedthelibertyofthatbetter
partoftheprison。
Sowethatwerewomenplacedourselves
intheway，thatwewouldbesuretoseethem；butnothing
couldexpresstheamazementandsurpriseIwasin，whenthe
veryfirstmanthatcameoutIknewtobemyLancashirehusband，
thesamewholivedsowellatDunstable，andthesamewhoI
afterwardssawatBrickhill，whenIwasmarriedtomylast
husband，ashasbeenrelated。
Iwasstruckdumbatthesight，andknewneitherwhattosay
norwhattodo；hedidnotknowme，andthatwasallthe
presentreliefIhad。
Iquittedmycompany，andretiredas
muchasthatdreadfulplacesuffersanybodytoretire，andI
criedvehementlyforagreatwhile。
’DreadfulcreaturethatI
am，’saidI，’howmaypoorpeoplehaveImademiserable？
HowmanydesperatewretcheshaveIsenttothedevil？’
He
hadtoldmeatChesterhewasruinedbythatmatch，andthat
hisfortunesweremadedesperateonmyaccount；forthat
thinkingIhadbeenafortune，hewasrunintodebtmorethan
hewasabletopay，andthatheknewnotwhatcoursetotake；
thathewouldgointothearmyandcarryamusket，orbuya
horseandtakeatour，ashecalledit；andthoughInevertold
himthatIwasafortune，andsodidnotactuallydeceivehim
myself，yetIdidencouragethehavingitthoughtthatIwasso，
andbythatmeansIwastheoccasionoriginallyofhismischief。
Thesurpriseofthethingonlystruckdeeperintomythoughts，
anygavemestrongerreflectionsthanallthathadbefallenme
before。
