第61章

类别:其他 作者:Daniel Defoe字数:4210更新时间:18/12/26 16:40:16
waitedwithgreatimpatience,andunderthegreatestoppressions ofspiritsimaginable,tillaboutfouro’clockhecametomy apartment;forIhadobtainedthefavour,bythehelpofmoney, nothingbeingtobedoneinthatplacewithoutit,nottobe keptinthecondemnedhole,astheycallit,amongtherestof theprisonerswhoweretodie,buttohavealittledirty chambertomyself。 MyheartleapedwithinmeforjoywhenIheardhisvoiceat thedoor,evenbeforeIsawhim;butletanyonejudgewhat kindofmotionIfoundinmysoul,whenafterhavingmadea shortexcuseforhisnotcoming,heshowedmethathistime hadbeenemployedonmyaccount;thathehadobtaineda favourablereportfromtheRecordertotheSecretaryofState inmyparticularcase,and,inshort,thathehadbroughtme areprieve。 Heusedallthecautionthathewasableinlettingmeknow athingwhichitwouldhavebeenadoublecrueltytohave concealed;andyetitwastoomuchforme;forasgriefhad oversetmebefore,sodidjoyoversetmenow,andIfellinto amuchmoredangerousswooningthanIdidatfirst,andit wasnotwithoutagreatdifficultythatIwasrecoveredatall。 ThegoodmanhavingmadeaveryChristianexhortationto me,nottoletthejoyofmyreprieveputtheremembranceof mypastsorrowoutofmymind,andhavingtoldmethathe mustleaveme,togoandenterthereprieveinthebooks,and showittothesheriffs,stoodupjustbeforehisgoingaway, andinaveryearnestmannerprayedtoGodforme,thatmy repentancemightbemadeunfeignedandsincere;andthat mycomingback,asitwere,intolifeagain,mightnotbea returningtothefolliesoflifewhichIhadmadesuchsolemn resolutionstoforsake,andtorepentofthem。 Ijoinedheartily inthepetition,andmustneedssayIhaddeeperimpressions uponmymindallthatnight,ofthemercyofGodinsparing mylife,andagreaterdetestationofmypastsins,fromasense ofthegoodnesswhichIhadtastedinthiscase,thanIhadin allmysorrowbefore。 Thismaybethoughtinconsistentinitself,andwidefromthe businessofthisbook;particularly,Ireflectthatmanyofthose whomaybepleasedanddivertedwiththerelationofthewild andwickedpartofmystorymaynotrelishthis,whichis reallythebestpartofmylife,themostadvantageoustomyself, andthemostinstructivetoothers。 Such,however,will,Ihope, allowmethelibertytomakemystorycomplete。 Itwouldbe aseveresatireonsuchtosaytheydonotrelishtherepentance asmuchastheydothecrime;andthattheyhadratherthe historywereacompletetragedy,asitwasverylikelytohavebeen。 ButIgoonwithmyrelation。 Thenextmorningtherewasa sadsceneindeedintheprison。 ThefirstthingIwassaluted withinthemorningwasthetollingofthegreatbellatSt。 Sepulchre’s,astheycallit,whichusheredintheday。 Assoon asitbegantotoll,adismalgroaningandcryingwasheard fromthecondemnedhole,wheretherelaysixpoorsoulswho weretobeexecutedthatday,somefromonecrime,somefor another,andtwoofthemformurder。 Thiswasfollowedbyaconfusedclamourinthehouse,among theseveralsortsofprisoners,expressingtheirawkwardsorrows forthepoorcreaturesthatweretodie,butinamannerextremely differingonefromanother。 Somecriedforthem;somehuzzaed, andwishedthemagoodjourney;somedamnedandcursedthose thathadbroughtthemtoit——thatis,meaningtheevidence,or prosecutors——manypityingthem,andsomefew,butveryfew, prayingforthem。 Therewashardlyroomforsomuchcomposureofmindas wasrequiredformetoblessthemercifulProvidencethathad, asitwere,snatchedmeoutofthejawsofthisdestruction。 I remained,asitwere,dumbandsilent,overcomewiththe senseofit,andnotabletoexpresswhatIhadinmyheart;for thepassionsonsuchoccasionsasthesearecertainlysoagitated asnottobeablepresentlytoregulatetheirownmotions。 Allthewhilethepoorcondemnedcreatureswerepreparing totheirdeath,andtheordinary,astheycallhim,wasbusy withthem,disposingthemtosubmittotheirsentence——Isay, allthiswhileIwasseizedwithafitoftrembling,asmuchas IcouldhavebeenifIhadbeeninthesamecondition,astobe surethedaybeforeIexpectedtobe;Iwassoviolentlyagitated bythissurprisingfit,thatIshookasifithadbeeninthecold fitofanague,sothatIcouldnotspeakorlookbutlikeone distracted。 Assoonastheywereallputintocartsandgone, which,however,Ihadnotcourageenoughtosee——Isay,as soonastheyweregone,Ifellintoafitofcryinginvoluntarily, andwithoutdesign,butasameredistemper,andyetsoviolent, anditheldmesolong,thatIknewnotwhatcoursetotake, norcouldIstop,orputachecktoit,no,notwithallthe strengthandcourageIhad。 Thisfitofcryingheldmeneartwohours,and,asIbelieve, heldmetilltheywerealloutoftheworld,andthenamost humble,penitent,seriouskindofjoysucceeded;arealtransport itwas,orpassionofjoyandthankfulness,butstillunableto giveventtoitbywords,andinthisIcontinuedmostpartof theday。 Intheeveningthegoodministervisitedmeagain,andthen felltohisusualgooddiscourses。 Hecongratulatedmyhaving aspaceyetallowedmeforrepentance,whereasthestateof thosesixpoorcreatureswasdetermined,andtheywerenow pasttheoffersofsalvation;heearnestlypressedmetoretain thesamesentimentsofthethingsoflifethatIhadwhenIhad aviewofeternity;andattheendofalltoldmeIshouldnot concludethatallwasover,thatareprievewasnotapardon, thathecouldnotyetanswerfortheeffectsofit;however,I hadthismercy,thatIhadmoretimegivenme,andthatitwas mybusinesstoimprovethattime。 Thisdiscourse,thoughveryseasonable,leftakindofsadness onmy heart,asifImightexpecttheaffairwouldhavea tragicalissuestill,which,however,hehadnocertaintyof; andIdidnotindeed,atthattime,questionhimaboutit,he havingsaidthathewoulddohisutmosttobringittoagood end,andthathehopedhemight,buthewouldnothaveme besecure;andtheconsequenceprovedthathehadreasonfor whathesaid。 ItwasaboutafortnightafterthisthatIhadsomejustapprehensions thatIshouldbeincludedinthenextdeadwarrantattheensuing sessions;anditwasnotwithoutgreatdifficulty,andatlasta humblepetitionfortransportation,thatIavoidedit,soillwas Ibeholdingtofame,andsoprevailingwasthefatalreportof beinganoldoffender;thoughinthattheydidnotdomestrict justice,forIwasnotinthesenseofthelawanoldoffender, whateverIwasintheeyeofthejudge,forIhadneverbeen beforetheminajudicialwaybefore;sothejudgescouldnot chargemewithbeinganoldoffender,buttheRecorderwas pleasedtorepresentmycaseashethoughtfit。 Ihadnowacertaintyoflifeindeed,butwiththehardconditions ofbeingorderedfortransportation,whichindeedwashard conditioninitself,butnotwhencomparativelyconsidered; andthereforeIshallmakenocommentsuponthesentence, noruponthechoiceIwasputto。 Weshallallchooseanything ratherthandeath,especiallywhen’tisattendedwithan uncomfortableprospectbeyondit,whichwasmycase。 Thegoodminister,whoseinterest,thoughastrangertome, hadobtainedmethereprieve,mournedsincerelyforthispart。 Hewasinhopes,hesaid,thatIshouldhaveendedmydays undertheinfluenceofgoodinstruction,thatIshouldnothave beenturnedlooseagainamongsuchawretchedcrewasthey generallyare,whoarethussentabroad,where,ashesaid,I musthavemorethanordinarysecretassistancefromthegrace ofGod,ifIdidnotturnaswickedagainasever。 Ihavenotforagoodwhilementionedmygoverness,who hadduringmost,ifnotall,ofthispartbeendangerouslysick, andbeinginasnearaviewofdeathbyherdiseaseasIwas bymysentence,wasagreatpenitent——Isay,Ihavenotmentioned her,norindeeddidIseeherinallthistime;butbeingnow recovering,andjustabletocomeabroad,shecametoseeme。 Itoldhermycondition,andwhatadifferentfluxandreflux oftearsandhopesIhadbeenagitatedwith;ItoldherwhatI hadescaped,anduponwhatterms;andshewaspresentwhen theministerexpressedhisfearsofmyrelapsingintowickedness uponmyfallingintothewretchedcompaniesthataregenerally transported。 IndeedIhadamelancholyreflectionuponitin myownmind,forIknewwhatadreadfulgangwasalways sentawaytogether,andIsaidtomygovernessthatthegood minister’sfearswerenotwithoutcause。 ’Well,well,’says she, ’butIhopeyouwillnotbetemptedwithsuchahorridexample asthat。’ Andassoonastheministerwasgone,shetoldmeshe wouldnothavemediscouraged,forperhapswaysandmeans mightbefoundouttodisposeofmeinaparticularway,by myself,ofwhichshewouldtalkfurthertomeafterward。 Ilookedearnestlyather,andIthoughtshelookedmorecheerful thansheusuallyhaddone,andIentertainedimmediatelya thousandnotionsofbeingdelivered,butcouldnotformylife imagethemethods,orthinkofonethatwasintheleastfeasible; butIwastoomuchconcernedinittolethergofrommewithout explainingherself,which,thoughshewasverylothtodo,yet myimportunityprevailed,and,whileIwasstillpressing,she answeredmeinafewwords,thus: ’Why,youhavemoney, haveyounot? Didyoueverknowoneinyourlifethatwas transportedandhadahundredpoundsinhispocket,I’llwarrant you,child?’saysshe。 Iunderstoodherpresently,buttoldherIwouldleaveallthat toher,butIsawnoroomtohopeforanythingbutastrict executionoftheorder,andasitwasaseveritythatwas esteemedamercy,therewasnodoubtbutitwouldbestrictly observed。 Shesaidnomorebutthis: ’Wewilltrywhatcan