第5章

类别:其他 作者:Virginia Woolf字数:5248更新时间:18/12/27 08:07:33
Friendsmighthavetoldherthings,butshehadfewofherownage,—— Richmondbeinganawkwardplacetoreach,——and,asithappened,theonlygirlsheknewwellwasareligiouszealot,whointhefervourofintimacytalkedaboutGod,andthebestwaysoftakingupone’scross,atopiconlyfitfullyinterestingtoonewhosemindreachedotherstagesatothertimes。 Butlyinginherchair,withonehandbehindherhead,theothergraspingtheknobonthearm,shewasclearlyfollowingherthoughtsintently。Hereducationleftherabundanttimeforthinking。 Hereyeswerefixedsosteadilyuponaballontherailoftheshipthatshewouldhavebeenstartledandannoyedifanythinghadchancedtoobscureitforasecond。Shehadbegunhermeditationswithashoutoflaughter,causedbythefollowingtranslationfrom_Tristan_: InshrinkingtrepidationHisshameheseemstohideWhiletothekinghisrelationHebringsthecorpse-likeBride。 SeemsitsosenselesswhatIsay? Shecriedthatitdid,andthrewdownthebook。Nextshehadpickedup_Cowper’s__Letters_,theclassicprescribedbyherfatherwhichhadboredher,sothatonesentencechancingtosaysomethingaboutthesmellofbroominhisgarden,shehadthereuponseenthelittlehallatRichmondladenwithflowersonthedayofhermother’sfuneral,smellingsostrongthatnowanyflower-scentbroughtbackthesicklyhorriblesensation; andsofromonesceneshepassed,half-hearing,half-seeing,toanother。ShesawherAuntLucyarrangingflowersinthedrawing-room。 “AuntLucy,“shevolunteered,“Idon’tlikethesmellofbroom; itremindsmeoffunerals。“ “Nonsense,Rachel,“AuntLucyreplied;“don’tsaysuchfoolishthings,dear。Ialwaysthinkitaparticularlycheerfulplant。“ Lyinginthehotsunhermindwasfixeduponthecharactersofheraunts,theirviews,andthewaytheylived。IndeedthiswasasubjectthatlastedherhundredsofmorningwalksroundRichmondPark,andblottedoutthetreesandthepeopleandthedeer。Whydidtheydothethingstheydid,andwhatdidtheyfeel,andwhatwasitallabout?AgainsheheardAuntLucytalkingtoAuntEleanor。 Shehadbeenthatmorningtotakeupthecharacterofaservant,“And,ofcourse,athalf-pastteninthemorningoneexpectstofindthehousemaidbrushingthestairs。“Howodd!Howunspeakablyodd! Butshecouldnotexplaintoherselfwhysuddenlyasherauntspokethewholesysteminwhichtheylivedhadappearedbeforehereyesassomethingquiteunfamiliarandinexplicable,andthemselvesaschairsorumbrellasdroppedabouthereandtherewithoutanyreason。 Shecouldonlysaywithherslightstammer,“Areyouf-f-fondofAuntEleanor,AuntLucy?“towhichherauntreplied,withhernervoushen-liketwitterofalaugh,“Mydearchild,whatquestionsyoudoask!“ “Howfond?Veryfond!“Rachelpursued。 “Ican’tsayI’veeverthought’how,’“saidMissVinrace。 “Ifonecaresonedoesn’tthink’how,’Rachel,“whichwasaimedattheniecewhohadneveryet“come“toherauntsascordiallyastheywished。 “ButyouknowIcareforyou,don’tyou,dear,becauseyou’reyourmother’sdaughter,iffornootherreason,andthere_are_plentyofotherreasons“——andsheleantoverandkissedherwithsomeemotion,andtheargumentwasspiltirretrievablyabouttheplacelikeabucketofmilk。 BythesemeansRachelreachedthatstageinthinking,ifthinkingitcanbecalled,whentheeyesareintentuponaballoraknobandthelipsceasetomove。Hereffortstocometoanunderstandinghadonlyhurtheraunt’sfeelings,andtheconclusionmustbethatitisbetternottotry。Tofeelanythingstronglywastocreateanabyssbetweenoneselfandotherswhofeelstronglyperhapsbutdifferently。 Itwasfarbettertoplaythepianoandforgetalltherest。 Theconclusionwasverywelcome。Lettheseoddmenandwomen—— heraunts,theHunts,Ridley,Helen,Mr。Pepper,andtherest—— besymbols,——featurelessbutdignified,symbolsofage,ofyouth,ofmotherhood,oflearning,andbeautifuloftenaspeopleuponthestagearebeautiful。Itappearedthatnobodyeversaidathingtheymeant,orevertalkedofafeelingtheyfelt,butthatwaswhatmusicwasfor。 Realitydwellinginwhatonesawandfelt,butdidnottalkabout,onecouldacceptasysteminwhichthingswentroundandroundquitesatisfactorilytootherpeople,withoutoftentroublingtothinkaboutit,exceptassomethingsuperficiallystrange。 Absorbedbyhermusicsheacceptedherlotverycomplacently,blazingintoindignationperhapsonceafortnight,andsubsidingasshesubsidednow。Inextricablymixedindreamyconfusion,hermindseemedtoenterintocommunion,tobedelightfullyexpandedandcombinedwiththespiritofthewhitishboardsondeck,withthespiritofthesea,withthespiritofBeethovenOp。 112,evenwiththespiritofpoorWilliamCowperthereatOlney。 Likeaballofthistledownitkissedthesea,rose,kisseditagain,andthusrisingandkissingpassedfinallyoutofsight。Therisingandfallingoftheballofthistledownwasrepresentedbythesuddendroopforwardofherownhead,andwhenitpassedoutofsightshewasasleep。 TenminuteslaterMrs。Ambroseopenedthedoorandlookedather。 ItdidnotsurprisehertofindthatthiswasthewayinwhichRachelpassedhermornings。Sheglancedroundtheroomatthepiano,atthebooks,atthegeneralmess。InthefirstplacesheconsideredRachelaesthetically;lyingunprotectedshelookedsomehowlikeavictimdroppedfromtheclawsofabirdofprey,butconsideredasawoman,ayoungwomanoftwenty-four,thesightgaverisetoreflections。 Mrs。Ambrosestoodthinkingforatleasttwominutes。Shethensmiled,turnednoiselesslyawayandwent,lestthesleepershouldwaken,andthereshouldbetheawkwardnessofspeechbetweenthem。 Earlynextmorningtherewasasoundasofchainsbeingdrawnroughlyoverhead;thesteadyheartofthe_Euphrosyne_slowlyceasedtobeat;andHelen,pokinghernoseabovedeck,sawastationarycastleuponastationaryhill。TheyhaddroppedanchorinthemouthoftheTagus,andinsteadofcleavingnewwavesperpetually,thesamewaveskeptreturningandwashingagainstthesidesoftheship。 Assoonasbreakfastwasdone,Willoughbydisappearedoverthevessel’sside,carryingabrownleathercase,shoutingoverhisshoulderthateveryonewastomindandbehavethemselves,forhewouldbekeptinLisbondoingbusinessuntilfiveo’clockthatafternoon。 Ataboutthathourhereappeared,carryinghiscase,professinghimselftired,bothered,hungry,thirsty,cold,andinimmediateneedofhistea。Rubbinghishands,hetoldthemtheadventuresoftheday: howhehadcomeuponpooroldJacksoncombinghismoustachebeforetheglassintheoffice,littleexpectinghisdescent,hadputhimthroughsuchamorning’sworkasseldomcamehisway;thentreatedhimtoalunchofchampagneandortolans;paidacalluponMrs。Jackson,whowasfatterthanever,poorwoman,butaskedkindlyafterRachel—— andOLord,littleJacksonhadconfessedtoaconfoundedpieceofweakness——well,well,noharmwasdone,hesupposed,butwhatwastheuseofhisgivingordersiftheywerepromptlydisobeyed? Hehadsaiddistinctlythathewouldtakenopassengersonthistrip。 Herehebegansearchinginhispocketsandeventuallydiscoveredacard,whichheplankeddownonthetablebeforeRachel。Onitsheread,“Mr。andMrs。RichardDalloway,23BrowneStreet,Mayfair。“ “Mr。RichardDalloway,“continuedVinrace,“seemstobeagentlemanwhothinksthatbecausehewasonceamemberofParliament,andhiswife’sthedaughterofapeer,theycanhavewhattheylikefortheasking。TheygotroundpoorlittleJacksonanyhow。 Saidtheymusthavepassages——producedaletterfromLordGlenaway,askingmeasapersonalfavour——overruledanyobjectionsJacksonmade(Idon’tbelievetheycametomuch),andsothere’snothingforitbuttosubmit,Isuppose。“ ButitwasevidentthatforsomereasonorotherWilloughbywasquitepleasedtosubmit,althoughhemadeashowofgrowling。 ThetruthwasthatMr。andMrs。DallowayhadfoundthemselvesstrandedinLisbon。TheyhadbeentravellingontheContinentforsomeweeks,chieflywithaviewtobroadeningMr。Dalloway’smind。 Unableforaseason,byoneoftheaccidentsofpoliticallife,toservehiscountryinParliament,Mr。DallowaywasdoingthebesthecouldtoserveitoutofParliament。ForthatpurposetheLatincountriesdidverywell,althoughtheEast,ofcourse,wouldhavedonebetter。 “ExpecttohearofmenextinPetersburgorTeheran,“hehadsaid,turningtowavefarewellfromthestepsoftheTravellers’。ButadiseasehadbrokenoutintheEast,therewascholerainRussia,andhewasheardof,notsoromantically,inLisbon。TheyhadbeenthroughFrance;hehadstoppedatmanufacturingcentreswhere,producinglettersofintroduction,hehadbeenshownoverworks,andnotedfactsinapocket-book。InSpainheandMrs。Dallowayhadmountedmules,fortheywishedtounderstandhowthepeasantslive。 Aretheyripeforrebellion,forexample?Mrs。DallowayhadtheninsisteduponadayortwoatMadridwiththepictures。 FinallytheyarrivedinLisbonandspentsixdayswhich,inajournalprivatelyissuedafterwards,theydescribedasof“uniqueinterest。“ Richardhadaudienceswithministers,andforetoldacrisisatnodistantdate,“thefoundationsofgovernmentbeingincurablycorrupt。 Yethowblame,etc。“;whileClarissainspectedtheroyalstables,andtookseveralsnapshotsshowingmennowexiledandwindowsnowbroken。 AmongotherthingsshephotographedFielding’sgrave,andletlooseasmallbirdwhichsomeruffianhadtrapped,“becauseonehatestothinkofanythinginacagewhereEnglishpeoplelieburied,“ thediarystated。Theirtourwasthoroughlyunconventional,andfollowednomeditatedplan。Theforeigncorrespondentsofthe_Times_decidedtheirrouteasmuchasanythingelse。 Mr。Dallowaywishedtolookatcertainguns,andwasofopinionthattheAfricancoastisfarmoreunsettledthanpeopleathomewereinclinedtobelieve。Forthesereasonstheywantedaslowinquisitivekindofship,comfortable,fortheywerebadsailors,butnotextravagant,whichwouldstopforadayortwoatthisportandatthat,takingincoalwhiletheDallowayssawthingsforthemselves。MeanwhiletheyfoundthemselvesstrandedinLisbon,unableforthemomenttolayhandsupontheprecisevesseltheywanted。 Theyheardofthe_Euphrosyne_,butheardalsothatshewasprimarilyacargoboat,andonlytookpassengersbyspecialarrangement,herbusinessbeingtocarrydrygoodstotheAmazons,andrubberhomeagain。“Byspecialarrangement,“however,werewordsofhighencouragementtothem,fortheycameofaclasswherealmosteverythingwasspeciallyarranged,orcouldbeifnecessary。 OnthisoccasionallthatRicharddidwastowriteanotetoLordGlenaway,theheadofthelinewhichbearshistitle; tocallonpooroldJackson;torepresenttohimhowMrs。Dallowaywasso-and-so,andhehadbeensomethingorotherelse,andwhattheywantedwassuchandsuchathing。Itwasdone。 Theypartedwithcomplimentsandpleasureonbothsides,andhere,aweeklater,cametheboatrowinguptotheshipintheduskwiththeDallowaysonboardofit;inthreeminutestheywerestandingtogetheronthedeckofthe_Euphrosyne_。Theirarrival,ofcourse,createdsomestir,anditwasseenbyseveralpairsofeyesthatMrs。Dallowaywasatallslightwoman,herbodywrappedinfurs,herheadinveils,whileMr。Dallowayappearedtobeamiddle-sizedmanofsturdybuild,dressedlikeasportsmanonanautumnalmoor。 Manysolidleatherbagsofarichbrownhuesoonsurroundedthem,inadditiontowhichMr。Dallowaycarriedadespatchbox,andhiswifeadressing-casesuggestiveofadiamondnecklaceandbottleswithsilvertops。 “It’ssolikeWhistler!“sheexclaimed,withawavetowardstheshore,assheshookRachelbythehand,andRachelhadonlytimetolookatthegreyhillsononesideofherbeforeWilloughbyintroducedMrs。Chailey,whotooktheladytohercabin。