第26章

类别:其他 作者:Virginia Woolf字数:5264更新时间:18/12/27 08:07:33
“Intolerable……Theywantmetobeapeerandaprivycouncillor。 I’vecomeoutherepartlyinordertosettlethematter。It’sgottobesettled。EitherImustgotothebar,orImuststayoninCambridge。 Ofcourse,thereareobviousdrawbackstoeach,buttheargumentscertainlydoseemtomeinfavourofCambridge。Thiskindofthing!“ hewavedhishandatthecrowdedballroom。“Repulsive。I’mconsciousofgreatpowersofaffectiontoo。I’mnotsusceptible,ofcourse,inthewayHewetis。I’mveryfondofafewpeople。Ithink,forexample,thatthere’ssomethingtobesaidformymother,thoughsheisinmanywayssodeplorable……AtCambridge,ofcourse,Ishouldinevitablybecomethemostimportantmanintheplace,butthereareotherreasonswhyIdreadCambridge——“ heceased。 “Areyoufindingmeadreadfulbore?“heasked。Hechangedcuriouslyfromafriendconfidinginafriendtoaconventionalyoungmanataparty。 “Notintheleast,“saidHelen。“Ilikeitverymuch。“ “Youcan’tthink,“heexclaimed,speakingalmostwithemotion,“whatadifferenceitmakesfindingsomeonetotalkto! DirectlyIsawyouIfeltyoumightpossiblyunderstandme。 I’mveryfondofHewet,buthehasn’ttheremotestideawhatI’mlike。 You’retheonlywomanI’veevermetwhoseemstohavethefaintestconceptionofwhatImeanwhenIsayathing。“ Thenextdancewasbeginning;itwastheBarcarolleoutofHoffman,whichmadeHelenbeathertoeintimetoit;butshefeltthataftersuchacomplimentitwasimpossibletogetupandgo,and,besidesbeingamused,shewasreallyflattered,andthehonestyofhisconceitattractedher。Shesuspectedthathewasnothappy,andwassufficientlyfemininetowishtoreceiveconfidences。 “I’mveryold,“shesighed。 “TheoddthingisthatIdon’tfindyouoldatall,“hereplied。 “Ifeelasthoughwewereexactlythesameage。Moreover——“ herehehesitated,buttookcouragefromaglanceatherface,“IfeelasifIcouldtalkquiteplainlytoyouasonedoestoaman—— abouttherelationsbetweenthesexes,about……and……“ Inspiteofhiscertaintyaslightrednesscameintohisfaceashespokethelasttwowords。 Shereassuredhimatoncebythelaughwithwhichsheexclaimed,“Ishouldhopeso!“ Helookedatherwithrealcordiality,andthelineswhichweredrawnabouthisnoseandlipsslackenedforthefirsttime。 “ThankGod!“heexclaimed。“Nowwecanbehavelikecivilisedhumanbeings。“ Certainlyabarrierwhichusuallystandsfasthadfallen,anditwaspossibletospeakofmatterswhicharegenerallyonlyalludedtobetweenmenandwomenwhendoctorsarepresent,ortheshadowofdeath。Infiveminuteshewastellingherthehistoryofhislife。 Itwaslong,foritwasfullofextremelyelaborateincidents,whichledontoadiscussionoftheprinciplesonwhichmoralityisfounded,andthustoseveralveryinterestingmatters,whicheveninthisballroomhadtobediscussedinawhisper,lestoneofthepouterpigeonladiesorresplendentmerchantsshouldoverhearthem,andproceedtodemandthattheyshouldleavetheplace。 Whentheyhadcometoanend,or,tospeakmoreaccurately,whenHelenintimatedbyaslightslackeningofherattentionthattheyhadsattherelongenough,Hirstrose,exclaiming,“Sothere’snoreasonwhateverforallthismystery!“ “None,exceptthatweareEnglishpeople,“sheanswered。Shetookhisarmandtheycrossedtheball-room,makingtheirwaywithdifficultybetweenthespinningcouples,whowerenowperceptiblydishevelled,andcertainlytoacriticaleyebynomeanslovelyintheirshapes。 Theexcitementofundertakingafriendshipandthelengthoftheirtalk,madethemhungry,andtheywentinsearchoffoodtothedining-room,whichwasnowfullofpeopleeatingatlittleseparatetables。InthedoorwaytheymetRachel,goinguptodanceagainwithArthurVenning。Shewasflushedandlookedveryhappy,andHelenwasstruckbythefactthatinthismoodshewascertainlymoreattractivethanthegeneralityofyoungwomen。 Shehadnevernoticeditsoclearlybefore。 “Enjoyingyourself?“sheasked,astheystoppedforasecond。 “MissVinrace,“Arthuransweredforher,“hasjustmadeaconfession; she’dnoideathatdancescouldbesodelightful。“ “Yes!“Rachelexclaimed。“I’vechangedmyviewoflifecompletely!“ “Youdon’tsayso!“Helenmocked。Theypassedon。 “That’stypicalofRachel,“shesaid。“Shechangesherviewoflifeabouteveryotherday。D’youknow,Ibelieveyou’rejustthepersonIwant,“shesaid,astheysatdown,“tohelpmecompletehereducation? She’sbeenbroughtuppracticallyinanunnery。Herfather’stooabsurd。 I’vebeendoingwhatIcan——butI’mtooold,andI’mawoman。 Whyshouldn’tyoutalktoher——explainthingstoher——talktoher,Imean,asyoutalktome?“ “Ihavemadeoneattemptalreadythisevening,“saidSt。John。 “Iratherdoubtthatitwassuccessful。Sheseemstomesoveryyoungandinexperienced。IhavepromisedtolendherGibbon。“ “It’snotGibbonexactly,“Helenpondered。“It’sthefactsoflife,Ithink——d’youseewhatImean?Whatreallygoeson,whatpeoplefeel,althoughtheygenerallytrytohideit?There’snothingtobefrightenedof。It’ssomuchmorebeautifulthanthepretences—— alwaysmoreinteresting——alwaysbetter,Ishouldsay,than_that_ kindofthing。“ Shenoddedherheadatatablenearthem,wheretwogirlsandtwoyoungmenwerechaffingeachotherveryloudly,andcarryingonanarchinsinuatingdialogue,sprinkledwithendearments,about,itseemed,apairofstockingsorapairoflegs。Oneofthegirlswasflirtingafanandpretendingtobeshocked,andthesightwasveryunpleasant,partlybecauseitwasobviousthatthegirlsweresecretlyhostiletoeachother。 “Inmyoldage,however,“Helensighed,“I’mcomingtothinkthatitdoesn’tmuchmatterinthelongrunwhatonedoes: peoplealwaysgotheirownway——nothingwilleverinfluencethem。“ Shenoddedherheadatthesupperparty。 ButSt。Johndidnotagree。Hesaidthathethoughtonecouldreallymakeagreatdealofdifferencebyone’spointofview,booksandsoon,andaddedthatfewthingsatthepresenttimematteredmorethantheenlightenmentofwomen。Hesometimesthoughtthatalmosteverythingwasduetoeducation。 Intheballroom,meanwhile,thedancerswerebeingformedintosquaresforthelancers。ArthurandRachel,SusanandHewet,MissAllanandHughlingElliotfoundthemselvestogether。 MissAllanlookedatherwatch。 “Half-pastone,“shestated。“AndIhavetodespatchAlexanderPopeto-morrow。“ “Pope!“snortedMr。Elliot。“WhoreadsPope,Ishouldliketoknow? Andasforreadingabouthim——No,no,MissAllan;bepersuadedyouwillbenefittheworldmuchmorebydancingthanbywriting。“ ItwasoneofMr。Elliot’saffectationsthatnothingintheworldcouldcomparewiththedelightsofdancing——nothingintheworldwassotediousasliterature。Thushesoughtpatheticallyenoughtoingratiatehimselfwiththeyoung,andtoprovetothembeyondadoubtthatthoughmarriedtoaninnyofawife,andratherpaleandbentandcarewornbyhisweightoflearning,hewasasmuchaliveastheyoungestofthemall。 “It’saquestionofbreadandbutter,“saidMissAllancalmly。 “However,theyseemtoexpectme。“Shetookupherpositionandpointedasquareblacktoe。 “Mr。Hewet,youbowtome。“ItwasevidentatoncethatMissAllanwastheonlyoneofthemwhohadathoroughlysoundknowledgeofthefiguresofthedance。 Afterthelancerstherewasawaltz;afterthewaltzapolka; andthenaterriblethinghappened;themusic,whichhadbeensoundingregularlywithfive-minutepauses,stoppedsuddenly。 Theladywiththegreatdarkeyesbegantoswatheherviolininsilk,andthegentlemanplacedhishorncarefullyinitscase。 TheyweresurroundedbycouplesimploringtheminEnglish,inFrench,inSpanish,ofonemoredance,oneonly;itwasstillearly。 Buttheoldmanatthepianomerelyexhibitedhiswatchandshookhishead。Heturnedupthecollarofhiscoatandproducedaredsilkmuffler,whichcompletelydashedhisfestiveappearance。 Strangeasitseemed,themusicianswerepaleandheavy-eyed;theylookedboredandprosaic,asifthesummitoftheirdesirewascoldmeatandbeer,succeededimmediatelybybed。 Rachelwasoneofthosewhohadbeggedthemtocontinue。Whentheyrefusedshebeganturningoverthesheetsofdancemusicwhichlayuponthepiano。Thepiecesweregenerallyboundincolouredcovers,withpicturesonthemofromanticscenes——gondoliersastrideonthecrescentofthemoon,nunspeeringthroughthebarsofaconventwindow,oryoungwomenwiththeirhairdownpointingagunatthestars。Sherememberedthatthegeneraleffectofthemusictowhichtheyhaddancedsogailywasoneofpassionateregretfordeadloveandtheinnocentyearsofyouth;dreadfulsorrowshadalwaysseparatedthedancersfromtheirpasthappiness。 “Nowondertheygetsickofplayingstufflikethis,“sheremarkedreadingabarortwo;“they’rereallyhymntunes,playedveryfast,withbitsoutofWagnerandBeethoven。“ “Doyouplay?Wouldyouplay?Anything,solongaswecandancetoit!“Fromallsideshergiftforplayingthepianowasinsistedupon,andshehadtoconsent。Asverysoonshehadplayedtheonlypiecesofdancemusicshecouldremember,shewentontoplayanairfromasonatabyMozart。 “Butthat’snotadance,“saidsomeonepausingbythepiano。 “Itis,“shereplied,emphaticallynoddingherhead。“Inventthesteps。“ Sureofhermelodyshemarkedtherhythmboldlysoastosimplifytheway。Helencaughttheidea;seizedMissAllanbythearm,andwhirledroundtheroom,nowcurtseying,nowspinninground,nowtrippingthiswayandthatlikeachildskippingthroughameadow。 “Thisisthedanceforpeoplewhodon’tknowhowtodance!“ shecried。Thetunechangedtoaminuet;St。Johnhoppedwithincredibleswiftnessfirstonhisleftleg,thenonhisright; thetuneflowedmelodiously;Hewet,swayinghisarmsandholdingoutthetailsofhiscoat,swamdowntheroominimitationofthevoluptuousdreamydanceofanIndianmaidendancingbeforeherRajah。 Thetunemarched;andMissAllenadvancedwithskirtsextendedandbowedprofoundlytotheengagedpair。Oncetheirfeetfellinwiththerhythmtheyshowedacompletelackofselfconsciousness。 FromMozartRachelpassedwithoutstoppingtooldEnglishhuntingsongs,carols,andhymntunes,for,asshehadobserved,anygoodtune,withalittlemanagement,becameatuneonecoulddanceto。 Bydegreeseverypersonintheroomwastrippingandturninginpairsoralone。Mr。Pepperexecutedaningeniouspointedstepderivedfromfigure-skating,forwhichheonceheldsomelocalchampionship; whileMrs。Thornburytriedtorecallanoldcountrydancewhichshehadseendancedbyherfather’stenantsinDorsetshireintheolddays。 AsforMr。andMrs。Elliot,theygallopadedroundandroundtheroomwithsuchimpetuositythattheotherdancersshiveredattheirapproach。 Somepeoplewereheardtocriticisetheperformanceasaromp; toothersitwasthemostenjoyablepartoftheevening。 “Nowforthegreatrounddance!“Hewetshouted。Instantlyagiganticcirclewasformed,thedancersholdinghandsandshoutingout,“D’youkenJohnPeel,“astheyswungfasterandfasterandfaster,untilthestrainwastoogreat,andonelinkofthechain—— Mrs。Thornbury——gaveway,andtherestwentflyingacrosstheroominalldirections,tolanduponthefloororthechairsorineachother’sarmsasseemedmostconvenient。 Risingfromthesepositions,breathlessandunkempt,itstruckthemforthefirsttimethattheelectriclightsprickedtheairveryvainly,andinstinctivelyagreatmanyeyesturnedtothewindows。Yes——therewasthedawn。Whiletheyhadbeendancingthenighthadpassed,andithadcome。Outside,themountainsshowedverypureandremote;thedewwassparklingonthegrass,andtheskywasflushedwithblue,saveforthepaleyellowsandpinksintheEast。Thedancerscamecrowdingtothewindows,pushedthemopen,andhereandthereventuredafootuponthegrass。