第33章

类别:其他 作者:Virginia Woolf字数:5546更新时间:18/12/27 08:07:33
UponwhichMrs。Flushingcriedoutwithdelight: “She’smyfirstcousin!Goon——goon!“ WhenMrs。Flushingrosetogoshewasobviouslydelightedwithhernewacquaintances。Shemadethreeorfourdifferentplansformeetingorgoingonanexpedition,orshowingHelenthethingstheyhadbought,onherwaytothecarriage。Sheincludedthemallinavaguebutmagnificentinvitation。 AsHelenreturnedtothegardenagain,Ridley’swordsofwarningcameintoherhead,andshehesitatedamomentandlookedatRachelsittingbetweenHirstandHewet。Butshecoulddrawnoconclusions,forHewetwasstillreadingGibbonaloud,andRachel,foralltheexpressionshehad,mighthavebeenashell,andhiswordswaterrubbingagainstherears,aswaterrubsashellontheedgeofarock。 Hewet’svoicewasverypleasant。WhenhereachedtheendoftheperiodHewetstopped,andnoonevolunteeredanycriticism。 “Idoadorethearistocracy!“Hirstexclaimedafteramoment’spause。 “They’resoamazinglyunscrupulous。Noneofuswoulddaretobehaveasthatwomanbehaves。“ “WhatIlikeaboutthem,“saidHelenasshesatdown,“isthatthey’resowellputtogether。Naked,Mrs。Flushingwouldbesuperb。 Dressedasshedresses,it’sabsurd,ofcourse。“ “Yes,“saidHirst。Ashadeofdepressioncrossedhisface。 “I’veneverweighedmorethantenstoneinmylife,“hesaid,“whichisridiculous,consideringmyheight,andI’veactuallygonedowninweightsincewecamehere。Idaresaythataccountsfortherheumatism。“Againhejerkedhiswristbacksharply,sothatHelenmighthearthegrindingofthechalkstones。 Shecouldnothelpsmiling。 “It’snolaughingmatterforme,Iassureyou,“heprotested。 “Mymother’sachronicinvalid,andI’malwaysexpectingtobetoldthatI’vegotheartdiseasemyself。Rheumatismalwaysgoestotheheartintheend。“ “Forgoodness’sake,Hirst,“Hewetprotested;“onemightthinkyouwereanoldcrippleofeighty。Ifitcomestothat,Ihadanauntwhodiedofcancermyself,butIputaboldfaceonit——“ Heroseandbegantiltinghischairbackwardsandforwardsonitshindlegs。“Isanyonehereinclinedforawalk?“ hesaid。“There’samagnificentwalk,upbehindthehouse。 Youcomeoutontoacliffandlookrightdownintothesea。 Therocksareallred;youcanseethemthroughthewater。 TheotherdayIsawasightthatfairlytookmybreathaway—— abouttwentyjelly-fish,semi-transparent,pink,withlongstreamers,floatingonthetopofthewaves。“ “Suretheyweren’tmermaids?“saidHirst。“It’smuchtoohottoclimbuphill。“HelookedatHelen,whoshowednosignsofmoving。 “Yes,it’stoohot,“Helendecided。 Therewasashortsilence。 “I’dliketocome,“saidRachel。 “Butshemighthavesaidthatanyhow,“HelenthoughttoherselfasHewetandRachelwentawaytogether,andHelenwasleftalonewithSt。John,toSt。John’sobvioussatisfaction。 Hemayhavebeensatisfied,buthisusualdifficultyindecidingthatonesubjectwasmoredeservingofnoticethananotherpreventedhimfromspeakingforsometime。Hesatstaringintentlyattheheadofadeadmatch,whileHelenconsidered——soitseemedfromtheexpressionofhereyes——somethingnotcloselyconnectedwiththepresentmoment。 AtlastSt。Johnexclaimed,“Damn!Damneverything!Damneverybody!“ headded。“AtCambridgetherearepeopletotalkto。“ “AtCambridgetherearepeopletotalkto,“Helenechoedhim,rhythmicallyandabsent-mindedly。Thenshewokeup。“Bytheway,haveyousettledwhatyou’regoingtodo——isittobeCambridgeortheBar?“ Hepursedhislips,butmadenoimmediateanswer,forHelenwasstillslightlyinattentive。ShehadbeenthinkingaboutRachelandwhichofthetwoyoungmenshewaslikelytofallinlovewith,andnowsittingoppositetoHirstshethought,“He’sugly。 It’sapitythey’resougly。“ ShedidnotincludeHewetinthiscriticism;shewasthinkingoftheclever,honest,interestingyoungmensheknew,ofwhomHirstwasagoodexample,andwonderingwhetheritwasnecessarythatthoughtandscholarshipshouldthusmaltreattheirbodies,andshouldthuselevatetheirmindstoaveryhightowerfromwhichthehumanraceappearedtothemlikeratsandmicesquirmingontheflat。 “Andthefuture?“shereflected,vaguelyenvisagingaraceofmenbecomingmoreandmorelikeHirst,andaraceofwomenbecomingmoreandmorelikeRachel。“Ohno,“sheconcluded,glancingathim,“onewouldn’tmarryyou。Well,then,thefutureoftheraceisinthehandsofSusanandArthur;no——that’sdreadful。 Offarmlabourers;no——notoftheEnglishatall,butofRussiansandChinese。“Thistrainofthoughtdidnotsatisfyher,andwasinterruptedbySt。John,whobeganagain: “IwishyouknewBennett。He’sthegreatestmanintheworld。“ “Bennett?“sheenquired。Becomingmoreatease,St。Johndroppedtheconcentratedabruptnessofhismanner,andexplainedthatBennettwasamanwholivedinanoldwindmillsixmilesoutofCambridge。 Helivedtheperfectlife,accordingtoSt。John,verylonely,verysimple,caringonlyforthetruthofthings,alwaysreadytotalk,andextraordinarilymodest,thoughhismindwasofthegreatest。 “Don’tyouthink,“saidSt。John,whenhehaddonedescribinghim,“thatkindofthingmakesthiskindofthingratherflimsy?DidyounoticeatteahowpooroldHewethadtochangetheconversation? HowtheywereallreadytopounceuponmebecausetheythoughtI wasgoingtosaysomethingimproper?Itwasn’tanything,really。 IfBennetthadbeentherehe’dhavesaidexactlywhathemeanttosay,orhe’dhavegotupandgone。Butthere’ssomethingratherbadforthecharacterinthat——Imeanifonehasn’tgotBennett’scharacter。 It’sinclinedtomakeonebitter。ShouldyousaythatIwasbitter?“ Helendidnotanswer,andhecontinued: “OfcourseIam,disgustinglybitter,andit’sabeastlythingtobe。 ButtheworstofmeisthatI’msoenvious。Ienvyeveryone。 Ican’tendurepeoplewhodothingsbetterthanIdo——perfectlyabsurdthingstoo——waitersbalancingpilesofplates——evenArthur,becauseSusan’sinlovewithhim。Iwantpeopletolikeme,andtheydon’t。It’spartlymyappearance,Iexpect,“hecontinued,“thoughit’sanabsolutelietosayI’veJewishbloodinme—— asamatteroffactwe’vebeeninNorfolk,HirstofHirstbourneHall,forthreecenturiesatleast。Itmustbeawfullysoothingtobelikeyou—— everyonelikingoneatonce。“ “Iassureyoutheydon’t,“Helenlaughed。 “Theydo,“saidHirstwithconviction。“Inthefirstplace,you’rethemostbeautifulwomanI’veeverseen;inthesecond,youhaveanexceptionallynicenature。“ IfHirsthadlookedatherinsteadoflookingintentlyathisteacuphewouldhaveseenHelenblush,partlywithpleasure,partlywithanimpulseofaffectiontowardstheyoungmanwhohadseemed,andwouldseemagain,souglyandsolimited。Shepitiedhim,forshesuspectedthathesuffered,andshewasinterestedinhim,formanyofthethingshesaidseemedtohertrue;sheadmiredthemoralityofyouth,andyetshefeltimprisoned。Asifherinstinctweretoescapetosomethingbrightlycolouredandimpersonal,whichshecouldholdinherhands,shewentintothehouseandreturnedwithherembroidery。Buthewasnotinterestedinherembroidery; hedidnotevenlookatit。 “AboutMissVinrace,“hebegan,——“oh,lookhere,dolet’sbeSt。JohnandHelen,andRachelandTerence——what’sshelike?Doesshereason,doesshefeel,orisshemerelyakindoffootstool?“ “Ohno,“saidHelen,withgreatdecision。FromherobservationsatteashewasinclinedtodoubtwhetherHirstwasthepersontoeducateRachel。Shehadgraduallycometobeinterestedinherniece,andfondofher;shedislikedsomethingsaboutherverymuch,shewasamusedbyothers;butshefelther,onthewhole,aliveifunformedhumanbeing,experimental,andnotalwaysfortunateinherexperiments,butwithpowersofsomekind,andacapacityforfeeling。Somewhereinthedepthsofher,too,shewasboundtoRachelbytheindestructibleifinexplicabletiesofsex。 “Sheseemsvague,butshe’sawillofherown,“shesaid,asifintheintervalshehadrunthroughherqualities。 Theembroidery,whichwasamatterforthought,thedesignbeingdifficultandthecolourswantingconsideration,broughtlapsesintothedialoguewhensheseemedtobeengrossedinherskeinsofsilk,or,withheadalittledrawnbackandeyesnarrowed,consideredtheeffectofthewhole。Thusshemerelysaid,“Um-m-m“toSt。John’snextremark,“Ishallaskhertogoforawalkwithme。“ Perhapsheresentedthisdivisionofattention。HesatsilentwatchingHelenclosely。 “You’reabsolutelyhappy,“heproclaimedatlast。 “Yes?“Helenenquired,stickinginherneedle。 “Marriage,Isuppose,“saidSt。John。 “Yes,“saidHelen,gentlydrawingherneedleout。 “Children?“St。Johnenquired。 “Yes,“saidHelen,stickingherneedleinagain。“Idon’tknowwhyI’mhappy,“shesuddenlylaughed,lookinghimfullintheface。 Therewasaconsiderablepause。 “There’sanabyssbetweenus,“saidSt。John。Hisvoicesoundedasifitissuedfromthedepthsofacavernintherocks。 “You’reinfinitelysimplerthanIam。Womenalwaysare,ofcourse。 That’sthedifficulty。Oneneverknowshowawomangetsthere。 Supposingallthetimeyou’rethinking,’Oh,whatamorbidyoungman!’“ Helensatandlookedathimwithherneedleinherhand。 Fromherpositionshesawhisheadinfrontofthedarkpyramidofamagnolia-tree。Withonefootraisedontherungofachair,andherelbowoutintheattitudeforsewing,herownfigurepossessedthesublimityofawoman’softheearlyworld,spinningthethreadoffate——thesublimitypossessedbymanywomenofthepresentdaywhofallintotheattituderequiredbyscrubbingorsewing。 St。Johnlookedather。 “Isupposeyou’veneverpaidanyacomplimentinthecourseofyourlife,“hesaidirrelevantly。 “IspoilRidleyrather,“Helenconsidered。 “I’mgoingtoaskyoupointblank——doyoulikeme?“ Afteracertainpause,shereplied,“Yes,certainly。“ “ThankGod!“heexclaimed。“That’sonemercy。Yousee,“hecontinuedwithemotion,“I’dratheryoulikedmethananyoneI’veevermet。“ “Whataboutthefivephilosophers?“saidHelen,withalaugh,stitchingfirmlyandswiftlyathercanvas。“Iwishyou’ddescribethem。“ Hirsthadnoparticularwishtodescribethem,butwhenhebegantoconsiderthemhefoundhimselfsoothedandstrengthened。Farawaytotheothersideoftheworldastheywere,insmokyrooms,andgreymedievalcourts,theyappearedremarkablefigures,free-spokenmenwithwhomonecouldbeatease;incomparablymoresubtleinemotionthanthepeoplehere。Theygavehim,certainly,whatnowomancouldgivehim,notHeleneven。Warmingatthethoughtofthem,hewentontolayhiscasebeforeMrs。Ambrose。ShouldhestayonatCambridgeorshouldhegototheBar?Onedayhethoughtonething,anotherdayanother。Helenlistenedattentively。 Atlast,withoutanypreface,shepronouncedherdecision。 “LeaveCambridgeandgototheBar,“shesaid。Hepressedherforherreasons。 “Ithinkyou’denjoyLondonmore,“shesaid。Itdidnotseemaverysubtlereason,butsheappearedtothinkitsufficient。 Shelookedathimagainstthebackgroundoffloweringmagnolia。 Therewassomethingcuriousinthesight。Perhapsitwasthattheheavywax-likeflowersweresosmoothandinarticulate,andhisface—— hehadthrownhishataway,hishairwasrumpled,heheldhiseye-glassesinhishand,sothataredmarkappearedoneithersideofhisnose——wassoworriedandgarrulous。Itwasabeautifulbush,spreadingverywidely,andallthetimeshehadsattheretalkingshehadbeennoticingthepatchesofshadeandtheshapeoftheleaves,andthewaythegreatwhiteflowerssatinthemidstofthegreen。 Shehadnoticedithalf-consciously,neverthelessthepatternhadbecomepartoftheirtalk。Shelaiddownhersewing,andbegantowalkupanddownthegarden,andHirstrosetooandpacedbyherside。 Hewasratherdisturbed,uncomfortable,andfullofthought。 Neitherofthemspoke。 Thesunwasbeginningtogodown,andachangehadcomeoverthemountains,asiftheywererobbedoftheirearthlysubstance,andcomposedmerelyofintensebluemist。Longthincloudsofflamingored,withedgesliketheedgesofcurledostrichfeathers,layupanddowntheskyatdifferentaltitudes。Theroofsofthetownseemedtohavesunklowerthanusual;thecypressesappearedveryblackbetweentheroofs,andtheroofsthemselveswerebrownandwhite。Asusualintheevening,singlecriesandsinglebellsbecameaudiblerisingfrombeneath。 St。Johnstoppedsuddenly。