第34章

类别:其他 作者:Virginia Woolf字数:5115更新时间:18/12/27 08:07:33
“Well,youmusttaketheresponsibility,“hesaid。“I’vemadeupmymind;IshallgototheBar。“ Hiswordswereveryserious,almostemotional;theyrecalledHelenafterasecond’shesitation。 “I’msureyou’reright,“shesaidwarmly,andshookthehandheheldout。“You’llbeagreatman,I’mcertain。“ Then,asiftomakehimlookatthescene,shesweptherhandroundtheimmensecircumferenceoftheview。Fromthesea,overtheroofsofthetown,acrossthecrestsofthemountains,overtheriverandtheplain,andagainacrossthecrestsofthemountainsitsweptuntilitreachedthevilla,thegarden,themagnolia-tree,andthefiguresofHirstandherselfstandingtogether,whenitdroppedtoherside。 HewetandRachelhadlongagoreachedtheparticularplaceontheedgeofthecliffwhere,lookingdownintothesea,youmightchanceonjelly-fishanddolphins。Lookingtheotherway,thevastexpanseoflandgavethemasensationwhichisgivenbynoview,howeverextended,inEngland;thevillagesandthehillstherehavingnames,andthefarthesthorizonofhillsasoftenasnotdippingandshowingalineofmistwhichisthesea;heretheviewwasoneofinfinitesun-driedearth,earthpointedinpinnacles,heapedinvastbarriers,earthwideningandspreadingawayandawayliketheimmensefloorofthesea,earthchequeredbydayandbynight,andpartitionedintodifferentlands,wherefamouscitieswerefounded,andtheracesofmenchangedfromdarksavagestowhitecivilisedmen,andbacktodarksavagesagain。PerhapstheirEnglishbloodmadethisprospectuncomfortablyimpersonalandhostiletothem,forhavingonceturnedtheirfacesthatwaytheynextturnedthemtothesea,andfortherestofthetimesatlookingatthesea。 Thesea,thoughitwasathinandsparklingwaterhere,whichseemedincapableofsurgeoranger,eventuallynarroweditself,cloudeditspuretintwithgrey,andswirledthroughnarrowchannelsanddashedinashiverofbrokenwatersagainstmassivegraniterocks。 ItwasthisseathatfloweduptothemouthoftheThames; andtheThameswashedtherootsofthecityofLondon。 Hewet’sthoughtshadfollowedsomesuchcourseasthis,forthefirstthinghesaidastheystoodontheedgeofthecliffwas—— “I’dliketobeinEngland!“ Rachellaydownonherelbow,andpartedthetallgrasseswhichgrewontheedge,sothatshemighthaveaclearview。Thewaterwasverycalm;rockingupanddownatthebaseofthecliff,andsoclearthatonecouldseetheredofthestonesatthebottomofit。 Soithadbeenatthebirthoftheworld,andsoithadremainedeversince。Probablynohumanbeinghadeverbrokenthatwaterwithboatorwithbody。Obeyingsomeimpulse,shedeterminedtomarthateternityofpeace,andthrewthelargestpebbleshecouldfind。 Itstruckthewater,andtheripplesspreadoutandout。 Hewetlookeddowntoo。 “It’swonderful,“hesaid,astheywidenedandceased。Thefreshnessandthenewnessseemedtohimwonderful。Hethrewapebblenext。 Therewasscarcelyanysound。 “ButEngland,“Rachelmurmuredintheabsorbedtoneofonewhoseeyesareconcentrateduponsomesight。“Whatd’youwantwithEngland?“ “Myfriendschiefly,“hesaid,“andallthethingsonedoes。“ HecouldlookatRachelwithouthernoticingit。Shewasstillabsorbedinthewaterandtheexquisitelypleasantsensationswhichalittledepthoftheseawashingoverrockssuggests。 Henoticedthatshewaswearingadressofdeepbluecolour,madeofasoftthincottonstuff,whichclungtotheshapeofherbody。 Itwasabodywiththeanglesandhollowsofayoungwoman’sbodynotyetdeveloped,butinnowaydistorted,andthusinterestingandevenlovable。RaisinghiseyesHewetobservedherhead; shehadtakenherhatoff,andthefacerestedonherhand。 Asshelookeddownintothesea,herlipswereslightlyparted。 Theexpressionwasoneofchildlikeintentness,asifshewerewatchingforafishtoswimpastovertheclearredrocks。 Neverthelesshertwenty-fouryearsoflifehadgivenheralookofreserve。Herhand,whichlayontheground,thefingerscurlingslightlyin,waswellshapedandcompetent;thesquare-tippedandnervousfingerswerethefingersofamusician。WithsomethinglikeanguishHewetrealisedthat,farfrombeingunattractive,herbodywasveryattractivetohim。Shelookedupsuddenly。 Hereyeswerefullofeagernessandinterest。 “Youwritenovels?“sheasked。 Forthemomenthecouldnotthinkwhathewassaying。Hewasovercomewiththedesiretoholdherinhisarms。 “Ohyes,“hesaid。“Thatis,Iwanttowritethem。“ Shewouldnottakeherlargegreyeyesoffhisface。 “Novels,“sherepeated。“Whydoyouwritenovels?Yououghttowritemusic。Music,yousee“——sheshiftedhereyes,andbecamelessdesirableasherbrainbegantowork,inflictingacertainchangeuponherface——“musicgoesstraightforthings。Itsaysallthereistosayatonce。Withwritingitseemstomethere’ssomuch“——shepausedforanexpression,andrubbedherfingersintheearth——“scratchingonthematchbox。MostofthetimewhenI wasreadingGibbonthisafternoonIwashorribly,ohinfernally,damnablybored!“Shegaveashakeoflaughter,lookingatHewet,wholaughedtoo。 “_I_shan’tlendyoubooks,“heremarked。 “Whyisit,“Rachelcontinued,“thatIcanlaughatMr。Hirsttoyou,butnottohisface?AtteaIwascompletelyoverwhelmed,notbyhisugliness——byhismind。“Sheenclosedacircleintheairwithherhands。SherealisedwithagreatsenseofcomfortwhoeasilyshecouldtalktoHewet,thosethornsorraggedcornerswhichtearthesurfaceofsomerelationshipsbeingsmoothedaway。 “SoIobserved,“saidHewet。“That’sathingthatneverceasestoamazeme。“Hehadrecoveredhiscomposuretosuchanextentthathecouldlightandsmokeacigarette,andfeelingherease,becamehappyandeasyhimself。 “Therespectthatwomen,evenwell-educated,veryablewomen,haveformen,“hewenton。“Ibelievewemusthavethesortofpoweroveryouthatwe’resaidtohaveoverhorses。Theyseeusthreetimesasbigasweareorthey’dneverobeyus。Forthatveryreason,I’minclinedtodoubtthatyou’lleverdoanythingevenwhenyouhavethevote。“Helookedatherreflectively。Sheappearedverysmoothandsensitiveandyoung。“It’lltakeatleastsixgenerationsbeforeyou’resufficientlythick-skinnedtogointolawcourtsandbusinessoffices。Considerwhatabullytheordinarymanis,“ hecontinued,“theordinaryhard-working,ratherambitioussolicitorormanofbusinesswithafamilytobringupandacertainpositiontomaintain。Andthen,ofcourse,thedaughtershavetogivewaytothesons;thesonshavetobeeducated;theyhavetobullyandshovefortheirwivesandfamilies,andsoitallcomesoveragain。 Andmeanwhiletherearethewomeninthebackground……Doyoureallythinkthatthevotewilldoyouanygood?“ “Thevote?“Rachelrepeated。Shehadtovisualiseitasalittlebitofpaperwhichshedroppedintoaboxbeforesheunderstoodhisquestion,andlookingateachothertheysmiledatsomethingabsurdinthequestion。 “Nottome,“shesaid。“ButIplaythepiano……Aremenreallylikethat?“sheasked,returningtothequestionthatinterestedher。 “I’mnotafraidofyou。“Shelookedathimeasily。 “Oh,I’mdifferent,“Hewetreplied。“I’vegotbetweensixandsevenhundredayearofmyown。Andthennoonetakesanovelistseriously,thankheavens。There’snodoubtithelpstomakeupforthedrudgeryofaprofessionifaman’stakenvery,veryseriouslybyeveryone—— ifhegetsappointments,andhasofficesandatitle,andlotsoflettersafterhisname,andbitsofribbonanddegrees。 Idon’tgrudgeit’em,thoughsometimesitcomesoverme——whatanamazingconcoction!Whatamiraclethemasculineconceptionoflifeis——judges,civilservants,army,navy,HousesofParliament,lordmayors——whataworldwe’vemadeofit!LookatHirstnow。 Iassureyou,“hesaid,“notaday’spassedsincewecameherewithoutadiscussionastowhetherhe’stostayonatCambridgeortogototheBar。It’shiscareer——hissacredcareer。AndifI’veheardittwentytimes,I’msurehismotherandsisterhavehearditfivehundredtimes。Can’tyouimaginethefamilyconclaves,andthesistertoldtorunoutandfeedtherabbitsbecauseSt。Johnmusthavetheschool-roomtohimself——’St。John’sworking,’’St。Johnwantshisteabroughttohim。’Don’tyouknowthekindofthing? NowonderthatSt。Johnthinksitamatterofconsiderableimportance。 Itistoo。Hehastoearnhisliving。ButSt。John’ssister——“ Hewetpuffedinsilence。“Noonetakesherseriously,poordear。 Shefeedstherabbits。“ “Yes,“saidRachel。“I’vefedrabbitsfortwenty-fouryears;itseemsoddnow。“Shelookedmeditative,andHewet,whohadbeentalkingmuchatrandomandinstinctivelyadoptingthefemininepointofview,sawthatshewouldnowtalkaboutherself,whichwaswhathewanted,forsotheymightcometoknoweachother。 Shelookedbackmeditativelyuponherpastlife。 “Howdoyouspendyourday?“heasked。 Shemeditatedstill。Whenshethoughtoftheirdayitseemedtoheritwascutintofourpiecesbytheirmeals。Thesedivisionswereabsolutelyrigid,thecontentsofthedayhavingtoaccommodatethemselveswithinthefourrigidbars。Lookingbackatherlife,thatwaswhatshesaw。 “Breakfastnine;luncheonone;teafive;dinnereight,“shesaid。 “Well,“saidHewet,“whatd’youdointhemorning?“ “Ineedtoplaythepianoforhoursandhours。“ “Andafterluncheon?“ “ThenIwentshoppingwithoneofmyaunts。Orwewenttoseesomeone,orwetookamessage;orwedidsomethingthathadtobedone—— thetapsmightbeleaking。Theyvisitthepooragooddeal—— oldchar-womenwithbadlegs,womenwhowantticketsforhospitals。 OrIusedtowalkintheparkbymyself。Andafterteapeoplesometimescalled;orinsummerwesatinthegardenorplayedcroquet; inwinterIreadaloud,whiletheyworked;afterdinnerIplayedthepianoandtheywroteletters。Iffatherwasathomewehadfriendsofhistodinner,andaboutonceamonthwewentuptotheplay。 Everynowandthenwedinedout;sometimesIwenttoadanceinLondon,butthatwasdifficultbecauseofgettingback。 Thepeoplewesawwereoldfamilyfriends,andrelations,butwedidn’tseemanypeople。Therewastheclergyman,Mr。Pepper,andtheHunts。Fathergenerallywantedtobequietwhenhecamehome,becauseheworksveryhardatHull。Alsomyauntsaren’tverystrong。Ahousetakesupalotoftimeifyoudoitproperly。 Ourservantswerealwaysbad,andsoAuntLucyusedtodoagooddealinthekitchen,andAuntClara,Ithink,spentmostofthemorningdustingthedrawing-roomandgoingthroughthelinenandsilver。 Thentherewerethedogs。Theyhadtobeexercised,besidesbeingwashedandbrushed。NowSandy’sdead,butAuntClarahasaveryoldcockatoothatcamefromIndia。Everythinginourhouse,“ sheexclaimed,“comesfromsomewhere!It’sfullofoldfurniture,notreallyold,Victorian,thingsmother’sfamilyhadorfather’sfamilyhad,whichtheydidn’tliketogetridof,Isuppose,thoughwe’vereallynoroomforthem。It’sratheranicehouse,“ shecontinued,“exceptthatit’salittledingy——dullIshouldsay。“ Shecalledupbeforehereyesavisionofthedrawing-roomathome; itwasalargeoblongroom,withasquarewindowopeningonthegarden。 Greenplushchairsstoodagainstthewall;therewasaheavycarvedbook-case,withglassdoors,andageneralimpressionoffadedsofacovers,largespacesofpalegreen,andbasketswithpiecesofwool-workdroppingoutofthem。PhotographsfromoldItalianmasterpieceshungonthewalls,andviewsofVenetianbridgesandSwedishwaterfallswhichmembersofthefamilyhadseenyearsago。