第47章

类别:其他 作者:Virginia Woolf字数:5410更新时间:18/12/27 08:07:33
“Andtheloneliness!“hecontinued。AvisionofwalkingwithherthroughthestreetsofLondoncamebeforehiseyes。“Wewillgoforwalkstogether,“hesaid。Thesimplicityoftheidearelievedthem,andforthefirsttimetheylaughed。Theywouldhavelikedhadtheydaredtotakeeachotherbythehand,buttheconsciousnessofeyesfixedonthemfrombehindhadnotyetdesertedthem。 “Books,people,sights——Mrs。Nutt,Greeley,Hutchinson,“Hewetmurmured。 Witheverywordthemistwhichhadenvelopedthem,makingthemseemunrealtoeachother,sincethepreviousafternoonmeltedalittlefurther,andtheircontactbecamemoreandmorenatural。 UpthroughthesultrysouthernlandscapetheysawtheworldtheyknewappearclearerandmorevividlythanithadeverappearedbeforeAsuponthatoccasionatthehotelwhenshehadsatinthewindow,theworldoncemorearrangeditselfbeneathhergazeveryvividlyandinitstrueproportions。SheglancedcuriouslyatTerencefromtimetotime,observinghisgreycoatandhispurpletie; observingthemanwithwhomshewastospendtherestofherlife。 Afteroneoftheseglancesshemurmured,“Yes,I’minlove。 There’snodoubt;I’minlovewithyou。“ Nevertheless,theyremaineduncomfortablyapart;drawnsoclosetogether,asshespoke,thatthereseemednodivisionbetweenthem,andthenextmomentseparateandfarawayagain。 Feelingthispainfully,sheexclaimed,“Itwillbeafight。“ Butasshelookedathimsheperceivedfromtheshapeofhiseyes,thelinesabouthismouth,andotherpeculiaritiesthathepleasedher,andsheadded: “WhereIwanttofight,youhavecompassion。You’refinerthanIam; you’remuchfiner。“ Hereturnedherglanceandsmiled,perceiving,muchasshehaddone,theverysmallindividualthingsaboutherwhichmadeherdelightfultohim。Shewashisforever。Thisbarrierbeingsurmounted,innumerabledelightslaybeforethemboth。 “I’mnotfiner,“heanswered。“I’monlyolder,lazier;aman,notawoman。“ “Aman,“sherepeated,andacurioussenseofpossessioncomingoverher,itstruckherthatshemightnowtouchhim;sheputoutherhandandlightlytouchedhischeek。Hisfingersfollowedwherehershadbeen,andthetouchofhishanduponhisfacebroughtbacktheoverpoweringsenseofunreality。Thisbodyofhiswasunreal; thewholeworldwasunreal。 “What’shappened?“hebegan。“WhydidIaskyoutomarryme? Howdidithappen?“ “Didyouaskmetomarryyou?“shewondered。Theyfadedfarawayfromeachother,andneitherofthemcouldrememberwhathadbeensaid。 “Wesatupontheground,“herecollected。 “Wesatupontheground,“sheconfirmedhim。Therecollectionofsittingupontheground,suchasitwas,seemedtounitethemagain,andtheywalkedoninsilence,theirmindssometimesworkingwithdifficultyandsometimesceasingtowork,theireyesaloneperceivingthethingsroundthem。Nowhewouldattemptagaintotellherhisfaults,andwhyhelovedher;andshewoulddescribewhatshehadfeltatthistimeoratthattime,andtogethertheywouldinterpretherfeeling。 Sobeautifulwasthesoundoftheirvoicesthatbydegreestheyscarcelylistenedtothewordstheyframed。Longsilencescamebetweentheirwords,whichwerenolongersilencesofstruggleandconfusionbutrefreshingsilences,inwhichtrivialthoughtsmovedeasily。 Theybegantospeaknaturallyofordinarythings,oftheflowersandthetrees,howtheygrewtheresored,likegardenflowersathome,andtherebentandcrookedlikethearmofatwistedoldman。 Verygentlyandquietly,almostasifitwerethebloodsinginginherveins,orthewaterofthestreamrunningoverstones,Rachelbecameconsciousofanewfeelingwithinher。Shewonderedforamomentwhatitwas,andthensaidtoherself,withalittlesurpriseatrecognisinginherownpersonsofamousathing: “Thisishappiness,Isuppose。“AndaloudtoTerenceshespoke,“Thisishappiness。“ Ontheheelsofherwordsheanswered,“Thisishappiness,“ uponwhichtheyguessedthatthefeelinghadsprunginbothofthemthesametime。Theybeganthereforetodescribehowthisfeltandthatfelt,howlikeitwasandyethowdifferent;fortheywereverydifferent。 Voicescryingbehindthemneverreachedthroughthewatersinwhichtheywerenowsunk。TherepetitionofHewet’snameinshort,disseveredsyllableswastothemthecrackofadrybranchorthelaughterofabird。Thegrassesandbreezessoundingandmurmuringallroundthem,theynevernoticedthattheswishingofthegrassesgrewlouderandlouder,anddidnotceasewiththelapseofthebreeze。AhanddroppedabruptasirononRachel’sshoulder; itmighthavebeenaboltfromheaven。Shefellbeneathit,andthegrasswhippedacrosshereyesandfilledhermouthandears。 Throughthewavingstemsshesawafigure,largeandshapelessagainstthesky。Helenwasuponher。Rolledthiswayandthat,nowseeingonlyforestsofgreen,andnowthehighblueheaven; shewasspeechlessandalmostwithoutsense。Atlastshelaystill,allthegrassesshakenroundherandbeforeherbyherpanting。 Overherloomedtwogreatheads,theheadsofamanandwoman,ofTerenceandHelen。 Bothwereflushed,bothlaughing,andthelipsweremoving; theycametogetherandkissedintheairaboveher。Brokenfragmentsofspeechcamedowntoherontheground。Shethoughtsheheardthemspeakofloveandthenofmarriage。Raisingherselfandsittingup,shetoorealisedHelen’ssoftbody,thestrongandhospitablearms,andhappinessswellingandbreakinginonevastwave。Whenthisfellaway,andthegrassesoncemorelaylow,andtheskybecamehorizontal,andtheearthrolledoutflatoneachside,andthetreesstoodupright,shewasthefirsttoperceivealittlerowofhumanfiguresstandingpatientlyinthedistance。 Forthemomentshecouldnotrememberwhotheywere。 “Whoarethey?“sheasked,andthenrecollected。 FallingintolinebehindMr。Flushing,theywerecarefultoleaveatleastthreeyards’distancebetweenthetoeofhisbootandtherimofherskirt。 Heledthemacrossastretchofgreenbytheriver-bankandthenthroughagroveoftrees,andbadethemremarkthesignsofhumanhabitation,theblackenedgrass,thecharredtree-stumps,andthere,throughthetrees,strangewoodennests,drawntogetherinanarchwherethetreesdrewapart,thevillagewhichwasthegoaloftheirjourney。 Steppingcautiously,theyobservedthewomen,whoweresquattingonthegroundintriangularshapes,movingtheirhands,eitherplaitingstraworinkneadingsomethinginbowls。Butwhentheyhadlookedforamomentundiscovered,theywereseen,andMr。Flushing,advancingintothecentreoftheclearing,wasengagedintalkwithaleanmajesticman,whosebonesandhollowsatoncemadetheshapesoftheEnglishman’sbodyappearuglyandunnatural。 Thewomentooknonoticeofthestrangers,exceptthattheirhandspausedforamomentandtheirlongnarroweyesslidroundandfixeduponthemwiththemotionlessinexpensivegazeofthoseremovedfromeachotherfarfarbeyondtheplungeofspeech。Theirhandsmovedagain,butthestarecontinued。Itfollowedthemastheywalked,astheypeeredintothehutswheretheycoulddistinguishgunsleaninginthecorner,andbowlsuponthefloor,andstacksofrushes; intheduskthesolemneyesofbabiesregardedthem,andoldwomenstaredouttoo。Astheysaunteredabout,thestarefollowedthem,passingovertheirlegs,theirbodies,theirheads,curiouslynotwithouthostility,likethecrawlofawinterfly。Asshedrewaparthershawlanduncoveredherbreasttothelipsofherbaby,theeyesofawomanneverlefttheirfaces,althoughtheymoveduneasilyunderherstare,andfinallyturnedaway,ratherthanstandtherelookingatheranylonger。Whensweetmeatswereofferedthem,theyputoutgreatredhandstotakethem,andfeltthemselvestreadingcumbrouslyliketight-coatedsoldiersamongthesesoftinstinctivepeople。Butsoonthelifeofthevillagetooknonoticeofthem;theyhadbecomeabsorbedinit。Thewomen’shandsbecamebusyagainwiththestraw;theireyesdropped。Iftheymoved,itwastofetchsomethingfromthehut,ortocatchastrayingchild,ortocrossthespacewithajarbalancedontheirheads; iftheyspoke,itwastocrysomeharshunintelligiblecry。 Voicesrosewhenachildwasbeaten,andfellagain;voicesroseinsong,whichslidupalittlewayanddownalittleway,andsettledagainuponthesamelowandmelancholynote。 Seekingeachother,TerenceandRacheldrewtogetherunderatree。 Peaceful,andevenbeautifulatfirst,thesightofthewomen,whohadgivenuplookingatthem,madethemnowfeelverycoldandmelancholy。 “Well,“Terencesighedatlength,“itmakesusseeminsignificant,doesn’tit?“ Rachelagreed。Soitwouldgoonforeverandever,shesaid,thosewomensittingunderthetrees,thetreesandtheriver。 Theyturnedawayandbegantowalkthroughthetrees,leaning,withoutfearofdiscovery,uponeachother’sarms。Theyhadnotgonefarbeforetheybegantoassureeachotheroncemorethattheywereinlove,werehappy,werecontent;butwhywasitsopainfulbeinginlove,whywastheresomuchpaininhappiness? Thesightofthevillageindeedaffectedthemallcuriouslythoughalldifferently。St。Johnhadlefttheothersandwaswalkingslowlydowntotheriver,absorbedinhisownthoughts,whichwerebitterandunhappy,forhefelthimselfalone;andHelen,standingbyherselfinthesunnyspaceamongthenativewomen,wasexposedtopresentimentsofdisaster。Thecriesofthesenselessbeastsranginherearshighandlowintheair,astheyranfromtree-trunktotree-top。 Howsmallthelittlefigureslookedwanderingthroughthetrees! Shebecameacutelyconsciousofthelittlelimbs,thethinveins,thedelicatefleshofmenandwomen,whichbreakssoeasilyandletsthelifeescapecomparedwiththesegreattreesanddeepwaters。 Afallingbranch,afootthatslips,andtheearthhascrushedthemorthewaterdrownedthem。Thusthinking,shekepthereyesanxiouslyfixeduponthelovers,asifbydoingsoshecouldprotectthemfromtheirfate。Turning,shefoundtheFlushingsbyherside。 Theyweretalkingaboutthethingstheyhadboughtandarguingwhethertheywerereallyold,andwhethertherewerenotsignshereandthereofEuropeaninfluence。Helenwasappealedto。 Shewasmadetolookatabrooch,andthenatapairofear-rings。 Butallthetimesheblamedthemforhavingcomeonthisexpedition,forhavingventuredtoofarandexposedthemselves。Thensherousedherselfandtriedtotalk,butinafewmomentsshecaughtherselfseeingapictureofaboatupsetontheriverinEngland,atmidday。 Itwasmorbid,sheknew,toimaginesuchthings;neverthelessshesoughtoutthefiguresoftheothersbetweenthetrees,andwhenevershesawthemshekepthereyesfixedonthem,sothatshemightbeabletoprotectthemfromdisaster。 Butwhenthesunwentdownandthesteamerturnedandbegantosteambacktowardscivilisation,againherfearswerecalmed。 Inthesemi-darknessthechairsondeckandthepeoplesittinginthemwereangularshapes,themouthbeingindicatedbyatinyburningspot,andthearmbythesamespotmovingupordownasthecigarorcigarettewasliftedtoandfromthelips。Wordscrossedthedarkness,but,notknowingwheretheyfell,seemedtolackenergyandsubstance。Deepsightsproceededregularly,althoughwithsomeattemptatsuppression,fromthelargewhitemoundwhichrepresentedthepersonofMrs。Flushing。Thedayhadbeenlongandveryhot,andnowthatallthecolourswereblottedoutthecoolnightairseemedtopresssoftfingersupontheeyelids,sealingthemdown。 Somephilosophicalremarkdirected,apparently,atSt。JohnHirstmisseditsaim,andhungsolongsuspendedintheairuntilitwasengulfedbyayawn,thatitwasconsidereddead,andthisgavethesignalforstirringoflegsandmurmursaboutsleep。 Thewhitemoundmoved,finallylengtheneditselfanddisappeared,andafterafewturnsandpacesSt。JohnandMr。Flushingwithdrew,leavingthethreechairsstilloccupiedbythreesilentbodies。 Thelightwhichcamefromalamphighonthemastandaskypalewithstarsleftthemwithshapesbutwithoutfeatures;buteveninthisdarknessthewithdrawaloftheothersmadethemfeeleachotherverynear,fortheywereallthinkingofthesamething。 Forsometimenoonespoke,thenHelensaidwithasigh,“Soyou’rebothveryhappy?“