“Ofcourse，“hesaidwithashrugofhisshoulders，whenTerenceaskedhim，“Issheveryill？“
TheywerebothconsciousofacertainsenseofreliefwhenDr。Lesagewasgone，leavingexplicitdirections，andpromisinganothervisitinafewhours’time；but，unfortunately，theriseoftheirspiritsledthemtotalkmorethanusual，andintalkingtheyquarrelled。
Theyquarrelledaboutaroad，thePortsmouthRoad。St。JohnsaidthatitismacadamisedwhereitpassesHindhead，andTerenceknewaswellasheknewhisownnamethatitisnotmacadamisedatthatpoint。
Inthecourseoftheargumenttheysaidsomeverysharpthingstoeachother，andtherestofthedinnerwaseateninsilence，saveforanoccasionalhalf-stifledreflectionfromRidley。
Whenitgrewdarkandthelampswerebroughtin，Terencefeltunabletocontrolhisirritationanylonger。St。Johnwenttobedinastateofcompleteexhaustion，biddingTerencegood-nightwithrathermoreaffectionthanusualbecauseoftheirquarrel，andRidleyretiredtohisbooks。Leftalone，Terencewalkedupanddowntheroom；hestoodattheopenwindow。
Thelightswerecomingoutoneafteranotherinthetownbeneath，anditwasverypeacefulandcoolinthegarden，sothathesteppedoutontotheterrace。Ashestoodthereinthedarkness，ableonlytoseetheshapesoftreesthroughthefinegreylight，hewasovercomebyadesiretoescape，tohavedonewiththissuffering，toforgetthatRachelwasill。Heallowedhimselftolapseintoforgetfulnessofeverything。Asifawindthathadbeenragingincessantlysuddenlyfellasleep，thefretandstrainandanxietywhichhadbeenpressingonhimpassedaway。Heseemedtostandinanunvexedspaceofair，onalittleislandbyhimself；hewasfreeandimmunefrompain。
ItdidnotmatterwhetherRachelwaswellorill；itdidnotmatterwhethertheywereapartortogether；nothingmattered——nothingmattered。
Thewavesbeatontheshorefaraway，andthesoftwindpassedthroughthebranchesofthetrees，seemingtoencirclehimwithpeaceandsecurity，withdarkandnothingness。Surelytheworldofstrifeandfretandanxietywasnottherealworld，butthiswastherealworld，theworldthatlaybeneaththesuperficialworld，sothat，whateverhappened，onewassecure。Thequietandpeaceseemedtolaphisbodyinafinecoolsheet，soothingeverynerve；
hismindseemedoncemoretoexpand，andbecomenatural。
Butwhenhehadstoodthusforatimeanoiseinthehouserousedhim；
heturnedinstinctivelyandwentintothedrawing-room。Thesightofthelamp-litroombroughtbacksoabruptlyallthathehadforgottenthathestoodforamomentunabletomove。
Herememberedeverything，thehour，theminuteeven，whatpointtheyhadreached，andwhatwastocome。Hecursedhimselfformakingbelieveforaminutethatthingsweredifferentfromwhattheyare。
Thenightwasnowhardertofacethanever。
Unabletostayintheemptydrawing-room，hewanderedoutandsatonthestairshalf-wayuptoRachel’sroom。Helongedforsomeonetotalkto，butHirstwasasleep，andRidleywasasleep；
therewasnosoundinRachel’sroom。TheonlysoundinthehousewasthesoundofChaileymovinginthekitchen。Atlasttherewasarustlingonthestairsoverhead，andNurseMcInniscamedownfasteningthelinksinhercuffs，inpreparationforthenight’swatch。
Terenceroseandstoppedher。Hehadscarcelyspokentoher，butitwaspossiblethatshemightconfirmhiminthebeliefwhichstillpersistedinhisownmindthatRachelwasnotseriouslyill。
HetoldherinawhisperthatDr。Lesagehadbeenandwhathehadsaid。
“Now，Nurse，“hewhispered，“pleasetellmeyouropinion。Doyouconsiderthatsheisveryseriouslyill？Issheinanydanger？“
“Thedoctorhassaid——“shebegan。
“Yes，butIwantyouropinion。Youhavehadexperienceofmanycaseslikethis？“
“IcouldnottellyoumorethanDr。Lesage，Mr。Hewet，“sherepliedcautiously，asthoughherwordsmightbeusedagainsther。“Thecaseisserious，butyoumayfeelquitecertainthatwearedoingallwecanforMissVinrace。“Shespokewithsomeprofessionalself-approbation。
Butsherealisedperhapsthatshedidnotsatisfytheyoungman，whostillblockedherway，forsheshiftedherfeetslightlyuponthestairandlookedoutofthewindowwheretheycouldseethemoonoverthesea。
“Ifyouaskme，“shebeganinacuriouslystealthytone，“IneverlikeMayformypatients。“
“May？“Terencerepeated。
“Itmaybeafancy，butIdon’tliketoseeanybodyfallillinMay，“
shecontinued。“ThingsseemtogowronginMay。Perhapsit’sthemoon。
Theysaythemoonaffectsthebrain，don’tthey，Sir？“
Helookedatherbuthecouldnotanswerher；likealltheothers，whenonelookedathersheseemedtoshrivelbeneathone’seyesandbecomeworthless，malicious，anduntrustworthy。
Sheslippedpasthimanddisappeared。
Thoughhewenttohisroomhewasunableeventotakehisclothesoff。
Foralongtimehepacedupanddown，andthenleaningoutofthewindowgazedattheearthwhichlaysodarkagainstthepalerblueofthesky。Withamixtureoffearandloathinghelookedattheslimblackcypresstreeswhichwerestillvisibleinthegarden，andheardtheunfamiliarcreakingandgratingsoundswhichshowthattheearthisstillhot。Allthesesightsandsoundsappearedsinisterandfullofhostilityandforeboding；togetherwiththenativesandthenurseandthedoctorandtheterribleforceoftheillnessitselftheyseemedtobeinconspiracyagainsthim。
Theyseemedtojointogetherintheirefforttoextractthegreatestpossibleamountofsufferingfromhim。Hecouldnotgetusedtohispain，itwasarevelationtohim。Hehadneverrealisedbeforethatunderneatheveryaction，underneaththelifeofeveryday，painlies，quiescent，butreadytodevour；heseemedtobeabletoseesuffering，asifitwereafire，curlingupovertheedgesofallaction，eatingawaythelivesofmenandwomen。Hethoughtforthefirsttimewithunderstandingofwordswhichhadbeforeseemedtohimempty:thestruggleoflife；thehardnessoflife。
Nowheknewforhimselfthatlifeishardandfullofsuffering。
Helookedatthescatteredlightsinthetownbeneath，andthoughtofArthurandSusan，orEvelynandPerrottventuringoutunwittingly，andbytheirhappinesslayingthemselvesopentosufferingsuchasthis。Howdidtheydaretoloveeachother，hewondered；howhadhehimselfdaredtoliveashehadlived，rapidlyandcarelessly，passingfromonethingtoanother，lovingRachelashehadlovedher？
Neveragainwouldhefeelsecure；hewouldneverbelieveinthestabilityoflife，orforgetwhatdepthsofpainliebeneathsmallhappinessandfeelingsofcontentandsafety。Itseemedtohimashelookedbackthattheirhappinesshadneverbeensogreatashispainwasnow。
Therehadalwaysbeensomethingimperfectintheirhappiness，somethingtheyhadwantedandhadnotbeenabletoget。Ithadbeenfragmentaryandincomplete，becausetheyweresoyoungandhadnotknownwhattheyweredoing。
Thelightofhiscandleflickeredovertheboughsofatreeoutsidethewindow，andasthebranchswayedinthedarknesstherecamebeforehismindapictureofalltheworldthatlayoutsidehiswindow；hethoughtoftheimmenseriverandtheimmenseforest，thevaststretchesofdryearthandtheplainsoftheseathatencircledtheearth；fromtheseatheskyrosesteepandenormous，andtheairwashedprofoundlybetweentheskyandthesea。
Howvastanddarkitmustbetonight，lyingexposedtothewind；
andinallthisgreatspaceitwascurioustothinkhowfewthetownswere，andhowsmalllittleringsoflight，orsingleglow-wormshefiguredthem，scatteredhereandthere，amongtheswellinguncultivatedfoldsoftheworld。Andinthosetownswerelittlemenandwomen，tinymenandwomen。Oh，itwasabsurd，whenonethoughtofit，tosithereinalittleroomsufferingandcaring。Whatdidanythingmatter？Rachel，atinycreature，layillbeneathhim，andhereinhislittleroomhesufferedonheraccount。Thenearnessoftheirbodiesinthisvastuniverse，andtheminutenessoftheirbodies，seemedtohimabsurdandlaughable。
Nothingmattered，herepeated；theyhadnopower，nohope。
Heleantonthewindow-sill，thinking，untilhealmostforgotthetimeandtheplace。Nevertheless，althoughhewasconvincedthatitwasabsurdandlaughable，andthattheyweresmallandhopeless，heneverlostthesensethatthesethoughtssomehowformedpartofalifewhichheandRachelwouldlivetogether。
Owingperhapstothechangeofdoctor，Rachelappearedtoberatherbetternextday。TerriblypaleandwornthoughHelenlooked，therewasaslightliftingofthecloudwhichhadhungallthesedaysinhereyes。
“Shetalkedtome，“shesaidvoluntarily。“Sheaskedmewhatdayoftheweekitwas，likeherself。“
Thensuddenly，withoutanywarningoranyapparentreason，thetearsformedinhereyesandrolledsteadilydownhercheeks。
Shecriedwithscarcelyanyattemptatmovementofherfeatures，andwithoutanyattempttostopherself，asifshedidnotknowthatshewascrying。Inspiteofthereliefwhichherwordsgavehim，Terencewasdismayedbythesight；hadeverythinggivenway？Weretherenolimitstothepowerofthisillness？
Wouldeverythinggodownbeforeit？Helenhadalwaysseemedtohimstronganddetermined，andnowshewaslikeachild。
Hetookherinhisarms，andsheclungtohimlikeachild，cryingsoftlyandquietlyuponhisshoulder。Thensherousedherselfandwipedhertearsaway；itwassillytobehavelikethat，shesaid；
verysilly，sherepeated，whentherecouldbenodoubtthatRachelwasbetter。SheaskedTerencetoforgiveherforherfolly。
Shestoppedatthedoorandcamebackandkissedhimwithoutsayinganything。
OnthisdayindeedRachelwasconsciousofwhatwentonroundher。
Shehadcometothesurfaceofthedark，stickypool，andawaveseemedtobearherupanddownwithit；shehadceasedtohaveanywillofherown；shelayonthetopofthewaveconsciousofsomepain，butchieflyofweakness。Thewavewasreplacedbythesideofamountain。Herbodybecameadriftofmeltingsnow，abovewhichherkneesroseinhugepeakedmountainsofbarebone。
ItwastruethatshesawHelenandsawherroom，buteverythinghadbecomeverypaleandsemi-transparent。Sometimesshecouldseethroughthewallinfrontofher。SometimeswhenHelenwentawaysheseemedtogosofarthatRachel’seyescouldhardlyfollowher。
Theroomalsohadanoddpowerofexpanding，andthoughshepushedhervoiceoutasfaraspossibleuntilsometimesitbecameabirdandflewaway，shethoughtitdoubtfulwhetheriteverreachedthepersonshewastalkingto。Therewereimmenseintervalsorchasms，forthingsstillhadthepowertoappearvisiblybeforeher，betweenonemomentandthenext；itsometimestookanhourforHelentoraiseherarm，pausinglongbetweeneachjerkymovement，andpouroutmedicine。Helen’sformstoopingtoraiseherinbedappearedofgiganticsize，andcamedownuponherliketheceilingfalling。
Butforlongspacesoftimeshewouldmerelylieconsciousofherbodyfloatingonthetopofthebedandherminddriventosomeremotecornerofherbody，orescapedandgoneflittingroundtheroom。
Allsightsweresomethingofaneffort，butthesightofTerencewasthegreatesteffort，becauseheforcedhertojoinmindtobodyinthedesiretoremembersomething。Shedidnotwishtoremember；
ittroubledherwhenpeopletriedtodisturbherloneliness；
shewishedtobealone。Shewishedfornothingelseintheworld。
Althoughshehadcried，TerenceobservedHelen’sgreaterhopefulnesswithsomethingliketriumph；intheargumentbetweenthemshehadmadethefirstsignofadmittingherselfinthewrong。HewaitedforDr。Lesagetocomedownthatafternoonwithconsiderableanxiety，butwiththesamecertaintyatthebackofhismindthathewouldintimeforcethemalltoadmitthattheywereinthewrong。
Asusual，Dr。Lesagewassulkyinhismannerandveryshortinhisanswers。ToTerence’sdemand，“Sheseemstobebetter？“
hereplied，lookingathiminanoddway，“Shehasachanceoflife。“
ThedoorshutandTerencewalkedacrosstothewindow。Heleanthisforeheadagainstthepane。
“Rachel，“herepeatedtohimself。“Shehasachanceoflife。Rachel。“
HowcouldtheysaythesethingsofRachel？HadanyoneyesterdayseriouslybelievedthatRachelwasdying？Theyhadbeenengagedforfourweeks。Afortnightagoshehadbeenperfectlywell。
