第60章

类别:其他 作者:Virginia Woolf字数:5203更新时间:18/12/27 08:07:33
Whatwerethosehorridpeopledoing?Shespentthewholemorningindiscussingpoliticswithherhusband,andbydegreesshebecamedeeplyinterestedinwhattheyweresaying。Buteverynowandthenwhatshewassayingseemedtoheroddlyemptyofmeaning。 Atluncheonitwasremarkedbyseveralpeoplethatthevisitorsatthehotelwerebeginningtoleave;therewerefewereveryday。 Therewereonlyfortypeopleatluncheon,insteadofthesixtythattherehadbeen。SooldMrs。Paleycomputed,gazingaboutherwithherfadedeyes,asshetookherseatatherowntableinthewindow。 HerpartygenerallyconsistedofMr。PerrottaswellasArthurandSusan,andto-dayEvelynwaslunchingwiththemalso。 Shewasunusuallysubdued。Havingnoticedthathereyeswerered,andguessingthereason,theotherstookpainstokeepupanelaborateconversationbetweenthemselves。Shesufferedittogoonforafewminutes,leaningbothelbowsonthetable,andleavinghersoupuntouched,whensheexclaimedsuddenly,“Idon’tknowhowyoufeel,butIcansimplythinkofnothingelse!“ Thegentlemenmurmuredsympathetically,andlookedgrave。 Susanreplied,“Yes——isn’titperfectlyawful?Whenyouthinkwhatanicegirlshewas——onlyjustengaged,andthisneedneverhavehappened——itseemstootragic。“ShelookedatArthurasthoughhemightbeabletohelpherwithsomethingmoresuitable。 “Hardlines,“saidArthurbriefly。“Butitwasafoolishthingtodo——togoupthatriver。“Heshookhishead。“Theyshouldhaveknownbetter。Youcan’texpectEnglishwomentostandroughingitasthenativesdowho’vebeenacclimatised。I’dhalfamindtowarnthematteathatdaywhenitwasbeingdiscussed。Butit’snogoodsayingthesesortofthings——itonlyputspeople’sbacksup—— itnevermakesanydifference。“ OldMrs。Paley,hithertocontentedwithhersoup,hereintimated,byraisingonehandtoherear,thatshewishedtoknowwhatwasbeingsaid。 “Youheard,AuntEmma,thatpoorMissVinracehasdiedofthefever,“ Susaninformedhergently。Shecouldnotspeakofdeathloudlyoreveninherusualvoice,sothatMrs。Paleydidnotcatchaword。 Arthurcametotherescue。 “MissVinraceisdead,“hesaidverydistinctly。 Mrs。Paleymerelybentalittletowardshimandasked,“Eh?“ “MissVinraceisdead,“herepeated。Itwasonlybystiffeningallthemusclesroundhismouththathecouldpreventhimselffromburstingintolaughter,andforcedhimselftorepeatforthethirdtime,“MissVinrace……She’sdead。“ Letalonethedifficultyofhearingtheexactwords,factsthatwereoutsideherdailyexperiencetooksometimetoreachMrs。Paley’sconsciousness。Aweightseemedtorestuponherbrain,impeding,thoughnotdamagingitsaction。Shesatvague-eyedforatleastaminutebeforesherealisedwhatArthurmeant。 “Dead?“shesaidvaguely。“MissVinracedead?Dearme……that’sverysad。ButIdon’tatthemomentrememberwhichshewas。 Weseemtohavemadesomanynewacquaintanceshere。“ShelookedatSusanforhelp。“Atalldarkgirl,whojustmissedbeinghandsome,withahighcolour?“ “No,“Susaninterposed。“Shewas——“thenshegaveitupindespair。 TherewasnouseinexplainingthatMrs。Paleywasthinkingofthewrongperson。 “Sheoughtnottohavedied,“Mrs。Paleycontinued。“Shelookedsostrong。Butpeoplewilldrinkthewater。Icannevermakeoutwhy。 ItseemssuchasimplethingtotellthemtoputabottleofSeltzerwaterinyourbedroom。That’salltheprecautionI’veevertaken,andI’vebeenineverypartoftheworld,Imaysay——Italyadozentimesover……Butyoungpeoplealwaysthinktheyknowbetter,andthentheypaythepenalty。Poorthing——Iamverysorryforher。“ Butthedifficultyofpeeringintoadishofpotatoesandhelpingherselfengrossedherattention。 ArthurandSusanbothsecretlyhopedthatthesubjectwasnowdisposedof,forthereseemedtothemsomethingunpleasantinthisdiscussion。 ButEvelynwasnotreadytoletitdrop。Whywouldpeoplenevertalkaboutthethingsthatmattered? “Idon’tbelieveyoucareabit!“shesaid,turningsavagelyuponMr。Perrott,whohadsatallthistimeinsilence。 “I?Oh,yes,Ido,“heansweredawkwardly,butwithobvioussincerity。 Evelyn’squestionsmadehimtoofeeluncomfortable。 “Itseemssoinexplicable,“Evelyncontinued。“Death,Imean。 Whyshouldshebedead,andnotyouorI?Itwasonlyafortnightagothatshewasherewiththerestofus。Whatd’youbelieve?“ shedemandedofmr。Perrott。“D’youbelievethatthingsgoon,thatshe’sstillsomewhere——ord’youthinkit’ssimplyagame—— wecrumbleuptonothingwhenwedie?I’mpositiveRachel’snotdead。“ Mr。PerrottwouldhavesaidalmostanythingthatEvelynwantedhimtosay,buttoassertthathebelievedintheimmortalityofthesoulwasnotinhispower。Hesatsilent,moredeeplywrinkledthanusual,crumblinghisbread。 LestEvelynshouldnextaskhimwhathebelieved,Arthur,aftermakingapauseequivalenttoafullstop,startedacompletelydifferenttopic。 “Supposing,“hesaid,“amanweretowriteandtellyouthathewantedfivepoundsbecausehehadknownyourgrandfather,whatwouldyoudo? Itwasthisway。Mygrandfather——“ “Inventedastove,“saidEvelyn。“Iknowallaboutthat。 Wehadoneintheconservatorytokeeptheplantswarm。“ “Didn’tknowIwassofamous,“saidArthur。“Well,“hecontinued,determinedatallcoststospinhisstoryoutatlength,“theoldchap,beingaboutthesecondbestinventorofhisday,andacapablelawyertoo,died,astheyalwaysdo,withoutmakingawill。 NowFielding,hisclerk,withhowmuchjusticeIdon’tknow,alwaysclaimedthathemeanttodosomethingforhim。Thepooroldboy’scomedownintheworldthroughtryinginventionsonhisownaccount,livesinPengeoveratobacconist’sshop。I’vebeentoseehimthere。 Thequestionis——mustIstumpupornot?Whatdoestheabstractspiritofjusticerequire,Perrott?Remember,Ididn’tbenefitundermygrandfather’swill,andI’venowayoftestingthetruthofthestory。“ “Idon’tknowmuchabouttheabstractspiritofjustice,“saidSusan,smilingcomplacentlyattheothers,“butI’mcertainofonething—— he’llgethisfivepounds!“ AsMr。Perrottproceededtodeliveranopinion,andEvelyninsistedthathewasmuchtoostingy,likealllawyers,thinkingoftheletterandnotofthespirit,whileMrs。Paleyrequiredtobekeptinformedbetweenthecoursesastowhattheywereallsaying,theluncheonpassedwithnointervalofsilence,andArthurcongratulatedhimselfuponthetactwithwhichthediscussionhadbeensmoothedover。 AstheylefttheroomithappenedthatMrs。Paley’swheeledchairranintotheElliots,whowerecomingthroughthedoor,asshewasgoingout。Broughtthustoastandstillforamoment,ArthurandSusancongratulatedHughlingElliotuponhisconvalescence,—— hewasdown,cadaverousenough,forthefirsttime,——andMr。PerrotttookoccasiontosayafewwordsinprivatetoEvelyn。 “Wouldtherebeanychanceofseeingyouthisafternoon,aboutthree-thirtysay?Ishallbeinthegarden,bythefountain。“ TheblockdissolvedbeforeEvelynanswered。Butasshelefttheminthehall,shelookedathimbrightlyandsaid,“Half-pastthree,didyousay?That’llsuitme。“ Sheranupstairswiththefeelingofspiritualexaltationandquickenedlifewhichtheprospectofanemotionalscenealwaysarousedinher。 ThatMr。Perrottwasagainabouttoproposetoher,shehadnodoubt,andshewasawarethatonthisoccasionsheoughttobepreparedwithadefiniteanswer,forshewasgoingawayinthreedays’time。 Butshecouldnotbringhermindtobearuponthequestion。Tocometoadecisionwasverydifficulttoher,becauseshehadanaturaldislikeofanythingfinalanddonewith;shelikedtogoonandon—— alwaysonandon。Shewasleaving,and,therefore,sheoccupiedherselfinlayingherclothesoutsidebysideuponthebed。 Sheobservedthatsomewereveryshabby。Shetookthephotographofherfatherandmother,and,beforeshelaiditawayinherbox,shehelditforaminuteinherhand。Rachelhadlookedatit。 Suddenlythekeenfeelingofsomeone’spersonality,whichthingsthattheyhaveownedorhandledsometimespreserves,overcameher;shefeltRachelintheroomwithher;itwasasifshewereonashipatsea,andthelifeofthedaywasasunrealasthelandinthedistance。 ButbydegreesthefeelingofRachel’spresencepassedaway,andshecouldnolongerrealiseher,forshehadscarcelyknownher。 Butthismomentarysensationleftherdepressedandfatigued。 Whathadshedonewithherlife?Whatfuturewastherebeforeher? Whatwasmake-believe,andwhatwasreal?Weretheseproposalsandintimaciesandadventuresreal,orwasthecontentmentwhichshehadseenonthefacesofSusanandRachelmorerealthananythingshehadeverfelt? Shemadeherselfreadytogodownstairs,absentmindedly,butherfingersweresowelltrainedthattheydidtheworkofpreparingheralmostoftheirownaccord。Whenshewasactuallyonthewaydownstairs,thebloodbegantocirclethroughherbodyofitsownaccordtoo,forhermindfeltverydull。 Mr。Perrottwaswaitingforher。Indeed,hehadgonestraightintothegardenafterluncheon,andhadbeenwalkingupanddownthepathformorethanhalfanhour,inastateofacutesuspense。 “I’mlateasusual!“sheexclaimed,asshecaughtsightofhim。 “Well,youmustforgiveme;Ihadtopackup……Myword! Itlooksstormy!Andthat’sanewsteamerinthebay,isn’tit?“ Shelookedatthebay,inwhichasteamerwasjustdroppinganchor,thesmokestillhangingaboutit,whileaswiftblackshudderranthroughthewaves。“One’squiteforgottenwhatrainlookslike,“ sheadded。 ButMr。Perrottpaidnoattentiontothesteamerortotheweather。 “MissMurgatroyd,“hebeganwithhisusualformality,“Iaskedyoutocomeherefromaveryselfishmotive,Ifear。Idonotthinkyouneedtobeassuredoncemoreofmyfeelings;but,asyouareleavingsosoon,IfeltthatIcouldnotletyougowithoutaskingyoutotellme——haveIanyreasontohopethatyouwillevercometocareforme?“ Hewasverypale,andseemedunabletosayanymore。 ThelittlegushofvitalitywhichhadcomeintoEvelynassherandownstairshadlefther,andshefeltherselfimpotent。 Therewasnothingforhertosay;shefeltnothing。Nowthathewasactuallyaskingher,inhiselderlygentlewords,tomarryhim,shefeltlessforhimthanshehadeverfeltbefore。 “Let’ssitdownandtalkitover,“shesaidratherunsteadily。 Mr。Perrottfollowedhertoacurvedgreenseatunderatree。 Theylookedatthefountaininfrontofthem,whichhadlongceasedtoplay。Evelynkeptlookingatthefountaininsteadofthinkingofwhatshewassaying;thefountainwithoutanywaterseemedtobethetypeofherownbeing。 “OfcourseIcareforyou,“shebegan,rushingherwordsoutinahurry;“IshouldbeabruteifIdidn’t。Ithinkyou’requiteoneofthenicestpeopleI’veeverknown,andoneofthefinesttoo。 ButIwish……Iwishyoudidn’tcareformeinthatway。 Areyousureyoudo?“Forthemomentshehonestlydesiredthatheshouldsayno。 “Quitesure,“saidMr。Perrott。 “Yousee,I’mnotassimpleasmostwomen,“Evelyncontinued。 “IthinkIwantmore。Idon’tknowexactlywhatIfeel。“ Hesatbyher,watchingherandrefrainingfromspeech。 “IsometimesthinkIhaven’tgotitinmetocareverymuchforonepersononly。Someoneelsewouldmakeyouabetterwife。 Icanimagineyouveryhappywithsomeoneelse。“ “Ifyouthinkthatthereisanychancethatyouwillcometocareforme,Iamquitecontenttowait,“saidMr。Perrott。 “Well——there’snohurry,isthere?“saidEvelyn。“SupposeIthoughtitoverandwroteandtoldyouwhenIgetback?I’mgoingtoMoscow; I’llwritefromMoscow。“ ButMr。Perrottpersisted。 “Youcannotgivemeanykindofidea。Idonotaskforadate……thatwouldbemostunreasonable。“Hepaused,lookingdownatthegravelpath。