第61章

类别:其他 作者:Virginia Woolf字数:7074更新时间:18/12/27 08:07:33
Asshedidnotimmediatelyanswer,hewenton。 “IknowverywellthatIamnot——thatIhavenotmuchtoofferyoueitherinmyselforinmycircumstances。AndIforget;itcannotseemthemiracletoyouthatitdoestome。UntilImetyouI hadgoneoninmyownquietway——wearebothveryquietpeople,mysisterandI——quitecontentwithmylot。MyfriendshipwithArthurwasthemostimportantthinginmylife。NowthatIknowyou,allthathaschanged。Youseemtoputsuchaspiritintoeverything。 LifeseemstoholdsomanypossibilitiesthatIhadneverdreamtof。“ “That’ssplendid!“Evelynexclaimed,graspinghishand。 “Nowyou’llgobackandstartallkindsofthingsandmakeagreatnameintheworld;andwe’llgoonbeingfriends,whateverhappens……we’llbegreatfriends,won’twe?“ “Evelyn!“hemoanedsuddenly,andtookherinhisarms,andkissedher。 Shedidnotresentit,althoughitmadelittleimpressiononher。 Asshesatuprightagain,shesaid,“Ineverseewhyoneshouldn’tgoonbeingfriends——thoughsomepeopledo。Andfriendshipsdomakeadifference,don’tthey?Theyarethekindofthingsthatmatterinone’slife?“ Helookedatherwithabewilderedexpressionasifhedidnotreallyunderstandwhatshewassaying。Withaconsiderableefforthecollectedhimself,stoodup,andsaid,“NowIthinkIhavetoldyouwhatIfeel,andIwillonlyaddthatIcanwaitaslongaseveryouwish。“ Leftalone,Evelynwalkedupanddownthepath。Whatdidmatterthan? Whatwasthemeaningofitall? Allthateveningthecloudsgathered,untiltheyclosedentirelyovertheblueofthesky。Theyseemedtonarrowthespacebetweenearthandheaven,sothattherewasnoroomfortheairtomoveinfreely; andthewaves,too,layflat,andyetrigid,asiftheywererestrained。 Theleavesonthebushesandtreesinthegardenhungcloselytogether,andthefeelingofpressureandrestraintwasincreasedbytheshortchirpingsoundswhichcamefrombirdsandinsects。 Sostrangewerethelightsandthesilencethatthebusyhumofvoiceswhichusuallyfilledthedining-roomatmealtimeshaddistinctgapsinit,andduringthesesilencestheclatteroftheknivesuponplatesbecameaudible。Thefirstrollofthunderandthefirstheavydropstrikingthepanecausedalittlestir。 “It’scoming!“wassaidsimultaneouslyinmanydifferentlanguages。 Therewasthenaprofoundsilence,asifthethunderhadwithdrawnintoitself。Peoplehadjustbeguntoeatagain,whenagustofcoldaircamethroughtheopenwindows,liftingtableclothsandskirts,alightflashed,andwasinstantlyfollowedbyaclapofthunderrightoverthehotel。Therainswishedwithit,andimmediatelytherewereallthosesoundsofwindowsbeingshutanddoorsslammingviolentlywhichaccompanyastorm。 Theroomgrewsuddenlyseveraldegreesdarker,forthewindseemedtobedrivingwavesofdarknessacrosstheearth。Nooneattemptedtoeatforatime,butsatlookingoutatthegarden,withtheirforksintheair。Theflashesnowcamefrequently,lightingupfacesasiftheyweregoingtobephotographed,surprisingthemintenseandunnaturalexpressions。Theclapfollowedcloseandviolentlyuponthem。Severalwomenhalfrosefromtheirchairsandthensatdownagain,butdinnerwascontinueduneasilywitheyesuponthegarden。Thebushesoutsidewereruffledandwhitened,andthewindpresseduponthemsothattheyseemedtostooptotheground。Thewaitershadtopressdishesuponthediners’notice;andthedinershadtodrawtheattentionofwaiters,fortheywereallabsorbedinlookingatthestorm。 Asthethundershowednosignsofwithdrawing,butseemedmassedrightoverhead,whilethelightningaimedstraightatthegardeneverytime,anuneasygloomreplacedthefirstexcitement。 Finishingthemealveryquickly,peoplecongregatedinthehall,wheretheyfeltmoresecurethaninanyotherplacebecausetheycouldretreatfarfromthewindows,andalthoughtheyheardthethunder,theycouldnotseeanything。Alittleboywascarriedawaysobbinginthearmsofhismother。 Whilethestormcontinued,nooneseemedinclinedtositdown,buttheycollectedinlittlegroupsunderthecentralskylight,wheretheystoodinayellowatmosphere,lookingupwards。 Nowandagaintheirfacesbecamewhite,asthelightningflashed,andfinallyaterrificcrashcame,makingthepanesoftheskylightliftatthejoints。 “Ah!“severalvoicesexclaimedatthesamemoment。 “Somethingstruck,“saidaman’svoice。 Therainrusheddown。Therainseemednowtoextinguishthelightningandthethunder,andthehallbecamealmostdark。 Afteraminuteortwo,whennothingwasheardbuttherattleofwaterupontheglass,therewasaperceptibleslackeningofthesound,andthentheatmospherebecamelighter。 “It’sover,“saidanothervoice。 Atatouch,alltheelectriclightswereturnedon,andrevealedacrowdofpeopleallstanding,alllookingwithratherstrainedfacesupattheskylight,butwhentheysaweachotherintheartificiallighttheyturnedatonceandbegantomoveaway。Forsomeminutestheraincontinuedtorattleupontheskylight,andthethundergaveanothershakeortwo;butitwasevidentfromtheclearingofthedarknessandthelightdrummingoftherainupontheroof,thatthegreatconfusedoceanofairwastravellingawayfromthem,andpassinghighoverheadwithitscloudsanditsrodsoffire,outtosea。Thebuilding,whichhadseemedsosmallinthetumultofthestorm,nowbecameassquareandspaciousasusual。 Asthestormdrewaway,thepeopleinthehallofthehotelsatdown; andwithacomfortablesenseofrelief,begantotelleachotherstoriesaboutgreatstorms,andproducedinmanycasestheiroccupationsfortheevening。Thechess-boardwasbroughtout,andMr。Elliot,whoworeastockinsteadofacollarasasignofconvalescence,butwasotherwisemuchasusual,challengedMr。Peppertoafinalcontest。 Roundthemgatheredagroupofladieswithpiecesofneedlework,orindefaultofneedlework,withnovels,tosuperintendthegame,muchasiftheywereinchargeoftwosmallboysplayingmarbles。 Everynowandthentheylookedattheboardandmadesomeencouragingremarktothegentlemen。 Mrs。Paleyjustroundthecornerhadhercardsarrangedinlongladdersbeforeher,withSusansittingneartosympathisebutnottocorrect,andthemerchantsandthemiscellaneouspeoplewhohadneverbeendiscoveredtopossessnameswerestretchedintheirarm-chairswiththeirnewspapersontheirknees。Theconversationinthesecircumstanceswasverygentle,fragmentary,andintermittent,buttheroomwasfulloftheindescribablestiroflife。Everynowandthenthemoth,whichwasnowgreyofwingandshinyofthorax,whizzedovertheirheads,andhitthelampswithathud。 Ayoungwomanputdownherneedleworkandexclaimed,“Poorcreature! itwouldbekindertokillit。“Butnobodyseemeddisposedtorousehimselfinordertokillthemoth。Theywatcheditdashfromlamptolamp,becausetheywerecomfortable,andhadnothingtodo。 Onthesofa,besidethechess-players,Mrs。ElliotwasimpartinganewstitchinknittingtoMrs。Thornbury,sothattheirheadscameveryneartogether,andwereonlytobedistinguishedbytheoldlacecapwhichMrs。Thornburyworeintheevening。 Mrs。Elliotwasanexpertatknitting,anddisclaimedacomplimenttothateffectwithevidentpride。 “Isupposewe’reallproudofsomething,“shesaid,“andI’mproudofmyknitting。Ithinkthingslikethatruninfamilies。Weallknitwell。 Ihadanunclewhoknittedhisownsockstothedayofhisdeath—— andhediditbetterthananyofhisdaughters,dearoldgentleman。 NowIwonderthatyou,MissAllan,whouseyoureyessomuch,don’ttakeupknittingintheevenings。You’dfinditsucharelief,Ishouldsay——sucharesttotheeyes——andthebazaarsaresogladofthings。“Hervoicedroppedintothesmoothhalf-conscioustoneoftheexpertknitter;thewordscamegentlyoneafteranother。 “AsmuchasIdoIcanalwaysdisposeof,whichisacomfort,forthenIfeelthatIamnotwastingmytime——“ MissAllan,beingthusaddressed,shuthernovelandobservedtheothersplacidlyforatime。Atlastshesaid,“Itissurelynotnaturaltoleaveyourwifebecauseshehappenstobeinlovewithyou。Butthat——asfarasIcanmakeout——iswhatthegentlemaninmystorydoes。“ “Tut,tut,thatdoesn’tsoundgood——no,thatdoesn’tsoundatallnatural,“murmuredtheknittersintheirabsorbedvoices。 “Still,it’sthekindofbookpeoplecallveryclever,“MissAllanadded。 “_Maternity_——byMichaelJessop——Ipresume,“Mr。Elliotputin,forhecouldneverresistthetemptationoftalkingwhileheplayedchess。 “D’youknow,“saidMrs。Elliot,afteramoment,“Idon’tthinkpeople_do_writegoodnovelsnow——notasgoodastheyusedto,anyhow。“ Noonetookthetroubletoagreewithherortodisagreewithher。 ArthurVenningwhowasstrollingabout,sometimeslookingatthegame,sometimesreadingapageofamagazine,lookedatMissAllan,whowashalfasleep,andsaidhumorously,“Apennyforyourthoughts,MissAllan。“ Theotherslookedup。Theyweregladthathehadnotspokentothem。 ButMissAllanrepliedwithoutanyhesitation,“Iwasthinkingofmyimaginaryuncle。Hasn’teveryonegotanimaginaryuncle?“ shecontinued。“Ihaveone——amostdelightfuloldgentleman。 He’salwaysgivingmethings。Sometimesit’sagoldwatch; sometimesit’sacarriageandpair;sometimesit’sabeautifullittlecottageintheNewForest;sometimesit’satickettotheplaceImostwanttosee。“ Shesetthemallthinkingvaguelyofthethingstheywanted。 Mrs。Elliotknewexactlywhatshewanted;shewantedachild; andtheusuallittlepuckerdeepenedonherbrow。 “We’resuchluckypeople,“shesaid,lookingatherhusband。 “Wereallyhavenowants。“Shewasapttosaythis,partlyinordertoconvinceherself,andpartlyinordertoconvinceotherpeople。 ButshewaspreventedfromwonderinghowfarshecarriedconvictionbytheentranceofMr。andMrs。Flushing,whocamethroughthehallandstoppedbythechess-board。Mrs。Flushinglookedwilderthanever。 Agreatstrandofblackhairloopeddownacrossherbrow,hercheekswerewhippedadarkbloodred,anddropsofrainmadewetmarksuponthem。 Mr。Flushingexplainedthattheyhadbeenontheroofwatchingthestorm。 “Itwasawonderfulsight,“hesaid。“Thelightningwentrightoutoverthesea,andlitupthewavesandtheshipsfaraway。 Youcan’tthinkhowwonderfulthemountainslookedtoo,withthelightsonthem,andthegreatmassesofshadow。It’sallovernow。“ Hesliddownintoachair,becominginterestedinthefinalstruggleofthegame。 “Andyougobackto-morrow?“saidMrs。Thornbury,lookingatMrs。Flushing。 “Yes,“shereplied。 “Andindeedoneisnotsorrytogoback,“saidMrs。Elliot,assuminganairofmournfulanxiety,“afterallthisillness。“ “Areyouafraidofdyin’?“Mrs。Flushingdemandedscornfully。 “Ithinkweareallafraidofthat,“saidMrs。Elliotwithdignity。 “Isupposewe’reallcowardswhenitcomestothepoint,“ saidMrs。Flushing,rubbinghercheekagainstthebackofthechair。 “I’msureIam。“ “Notabitofit!“saidMr。Flushing,turninground,forMr。Peppertookaverylongtimetoconsiderhismove。“It’snotcowardlytowishtolive,Alice。It’stheveryreverseofcowardly。 Personally,I’dliketogoonforahundredyears——granted,ofcourse,thatIhadthefulluseofmyfaculties。Thinkofallthethingsthatareboundtohappen!““ThatiswhatIfeel,“Mrs。Thornburyrejoined。 “Thechanges,theimprovements,theinventions——andbeauty。 D’youknowIfeelsometimesthatIcouldn’tbeartodieandceasetoseebeautifulthingsaboutme?“ “ItwouldcertainlybeverydulltodiebeforetheyhavediscoveredwhetherthereislifeinMars,“MissAllanadded。 “Doyoureallybelievethere’slifeinMars?“askedMrs。Flushing,turningtoherforthefirsttimewithkeeninterest。“Whotellsyouthat?Someonewhoknows?D’youknowamancalled——?“ HereMrs。Thornburylaiddownherknitting,andalookofextremesolicitudecameintohereyes。 “ThereisMr。Hirst,“shesaidquietly。 St。Johnhadjustcomethroughtheswingdoor。Hewasratherblownaboutbythewind,andhischeekslookedterriblypale,unshorn,andcavernous。Aftertakingoffhiscoathewasgoingtopassstraightthroughthehallanduptohisroom,buthecouldnotignorethepresenceofsomanypeopleheknew,especiallyasMrs。Thornburyroseandwentuptohim,holdingoutherhand。 Buttheshockofthewarmlamp-litroom,togetherwiththesightofsomanycheerfulhumanbeingssittingtogetherattheirease,afterthedarkwalkintherain,andthelongdaysofstrainandhorror,overcamehimcompletely。HelookedatMrs。Thornburyandcouldnotspeak。 Everyonewassilent。Mr。Pepper’shandstayeduponhisKnight。 Mrs。Thornburysomehowmovedhimtoachair,satherselfbesidehim,andwithtearsinherowneyessaidgently,“Youhavedoneeverythingforyourfriend。“ Heractionsetthemalltalkingagainasiftheyhadneverstopped,andMr。PepperfinishedthemovewithhisKnight。 “Therewasnothingtobedone,“saidSt。John。Hespokeveryslowly。 “Itseemsimpossible——“ Hedrewhishandacrosshiseyesasifsomedreamcamebetweenhimandtheothersandpreventedhimfromseeingwherehewas。 “Andthatpoorfellow,“saidMrs。Thornbury,thetearsfallingagaindownhercheeks。 “Impossible,“St。Johnrepeated。 “Didhehavetheconsolationofknowing——?“Mrs。Thornburybeganverytentatively。 ButSt。Johnmadenoreply。Helaybackinhischair,half-seeingtheothers,half-hearingwhattheysaid。Hewasterriblytired,andthelightandwarmth,themovementsofthehands,andthesoftcommunicativevoicessoothedhim;theygavehimastrangesenseofquietandrelief。Ashesatthere,motionless,thisfeelingofreliefbecameafeelingofprofoundhappiness。WithoutanysenseofdisloyaltytoTerenceandRachelheceasedtothinkabouteitherofthem。Themovementsandthevoicesseemedtodrawtogetherfromdifferentpartsoftheroom,andtocombinethemselvesintoapatternbeforehiseyes;hewascontenttositsilentlywatchingthepatternbuilditselfup,lookingatwhathehardlysaw。 Thegamewasreallyagoodone,andMr。PepperandMr。Elliotwerebecomingmoreandmoresetuponthestruggle。Mrs。Thornbury,seeingthatSt。Johndidnotwishtotalk,resumedherknitting。 “Lightningagain!“Mrs。Flushingsuddenlyexclaimed。Ayellowlightflashedacrossthebluewindow,andforasecondtheysawthegreentreesoutside。Shestrodetothedoor,pusheditopen,andstoodhalfoutintheopenair。 Butthelightwasonlythereflectionofthestormwhichwasover。 Therainhadceased,theheavycloudswereblownaway,andtheairwasthinandclear,althoughvapourishmistswerebeingdrivenswiftlyacrossthemoon。Theskywasoncemoreadeepandsolemnblue,andtheshapeoftheearthwasvisibleatthebottomoftheair,enormous,dark,andsolid,risingintothetaperingmassofthemountain,andprickedhereandthereontheslopesbythetinylightsofvillas。 Thedrivingair,thedroneofthetrees,andtheflashinglightwhichnowandagainspreadabroadilluminationovertheearthfilledMrs。Flushingwithexultation。Herbreastsroseandfell。 “Splendid!Splendid!“shemutteredtoherself。Thensheturnedbackintothehallandexclaimedinaperemptoryvoice,“Comeoutsideandsee,Wilfrid;it’swonderful。“ Somehalf-stirred;somerose;somedroppedtheirballsofwoolandbegantostooptolookforthem。 “Tobed——tobed,“saidMissAllan。 “ItwasthemovewithyourQueenthatgaveitaway,Pepper,“ exclaimedMr。Elliottriumphantly,sweepingthepiecestogetherandstandingup。Hehadwonthegame。 “What?Pepperbeatenatlast?Icongratulateyou!“saidArthurVenning,whowaswheelingoldMrs。Paleytobed。 AllthesevoicessoundedgratefullyinSt。John’searsashelayhalf-asleep,andyetvividlyconsciousofeverythingaroundhim。 Acrosshiseyespassedaprocessionofobjects,blackandindistinct,thefiguresofpeoplepickinguptheirbooks,theircards,theirballsofwool,theirwork-baskets,andpassinghimoneafteranotherontheirwaytobed。 End