第17章

Thepoorwardengroanedashesatperfectlystill，lookingupatthehard-heartedoratorwhothustormentedhim，andthebishopechoedthesoundfaintlyfrombehindhishands； butthearchdeaconcaredlittleforsuchsignsofweakness，andcompletedhisexhortation。 ’Butletussupposetheofficetobeleftvacant，andthatyourowntroublesconcerningitwereover；wouldthatsatisfyyou？ Areyouronlyaspirationsinthematterconfinedtoyourselfandfamily？Iknowtheyarenot。Iknowyouareasanxiousasanyofusforthechurchtowhichwebelong；andwhatagrievousblowwouldsuchanactofapostacygiveher！Youoweittothechurchofwhichyouareamemberandaminister，tobearwiththisaffliction，howeversevereitmaybe:youoweittomyfather，whoinstitutedyou，tosupporthisrights:youoweittothosewhoprecededyoutoassertthelegalityoftheirposition；youoweittothosewhoaretocomeafteryou，tomaintainuninjuredforthemthatwhichyoureceiveduninjuredfromothers；andyouowetousalltheunflinchingassistanceofperfectbrotherhoodinthismatter，sothatupholdingoneanotherwemaysupportourgreatcausewithoutblushingandwithoutdisgrace。’ Andsothearchdeaconceased，andstoodself-satisfied，watchingtheeffectofhisspokenwisdom。 Thewardenfelthimself，toacertainextent，stifled；hewouldhavegiventheworldtogethimselfoutintotheopenairwithoutspeakingto，ornoticingthosewhowereintheroomwithhim；butthiswasimpossible。Hecouldnotleavewithoutsayingsomething，andhefelthimselfconfoundedbythearchdeacon’seloquence。Therewasaheavy，unfeeling，unanswerabletruthinwhathehadsaid；therewassomuchpractical，butodiouscommonsenseinit，thatheneitherknewhowtoassentortodiffer。Ifitwerenecessaryforhimtosuffer，hefeltthathecouldendurewithoutcomplaintandwithoutcowardice，providingthathewasself-satisfiedofthejusticeofhisowncause。Whathecouldnotendurewas，thatheshouldbeaccusedbyothers，andnotacquittedbyhimself。 Doubting，ashehadbeguntodoubt，thejusticeofhisownpositioninthehospital，heknewthathisownself-confidencewouldnotberestoredbecauseMrBoldhadbeeninerrorastosomelegalform；norcouldhebesatisfiedtoescape，because，throughsomelegalfiction，hewhoreceivedthegreatestbenefitfromthehospitalmightbeconsideredonlyasoneofitsservants。 Thearchdeacon’sspeechhadsilencedhim——stupefiedhim——annihilatedhim；anythingbutsatisfiedhim。Withthebishopitfarednotmuchbetter。Hedidnotdiscernclearlyhowthingswere，buthesawenoughtoknowthatabattlewastobepreparedfor；abattlethatwoulddestroyhisfewremainingcomforts，andbringhimwithsorrowtothegrave。 Thewardenstillsat，andstilllookedatthearchdeacon，tillhisthoughtsfixedthemselveswhollyonthemeansofescapefromhispresentposition，andhefeltlikeabirdfascinatedbygazingonasnake。 ’Ihopeyouagreewithme，’saidthearchdeaconatlast，breakingthedreadsilence；’mylord，Ihopeyouagreewithme。’ Oh，whatasighthebishopgave！’Mylord，Ihopeyouagreewithme，’againrepeatedthemercilesstyrant。 ’Yes，Isupposeso，’groanedthepooroldman，slowly。 ’Andyou，warden？’ MrHardingwasnowstirredtoaction——hemustspeakandmove，sohegotupandtookoneturnbeforeheanswered。 ’Donotpressmeforananswerjustatpresent；Iwilldonothinglightlyinthematter，andofwhateverIdoIwillgiveyouandthebishopnotice。’Andsowithoutanotherwordhetookhisleave，escapingquicklythroughthepalacehall，anddowntheloftysteps，nordidhebreathefreelytillhefoundhimselfaloneunderthehugeelmsofthesilentclose。Herehewalkedlongandslowly，thinkingonhiscasewithatroubledair，andtryinginvaintoconfutethearchdeacon’sargument。 Hethenwenthome，resolvedtobearitall——ignominy，suspense，disgrace，self-doubt，andheart-burning——andtodoasthosewouldhavehim，whohestillbelievedweremostfitandmostabletocounselhimaright。 TribulationMrHardingwasasaddermanthanhehadeveryetbeenwhenhereturnedtohisownhouse。Hehadbeenwretchedenoughonthatwell-rememberedmorningwhenhewasforcedtoexposebeforehisson-in-lawthepublisher’saccountforusheringintotheworldhisdearbookofsacredmusic:whenaftermakingsuchpaymentsashecoulddounassisted，hefoundthathewasadebtorofmorethanthreehundredpounds；buthissufferingsthenwereasnothingtohispresentmisery；——thenhehaddonewrong，andheknewit，andwasabletoresolvethathewouldnotsininlikemanneragain；butnowhecouldmakenoresolution，andcomforthimselfbynopromisesoffirmness。Hehadbeenforcedtothinkthathislothadplacedhiminafalseposition，andhewasabouttomaintainthatpositionagainsttheopinionoftheworldandagainsthisownconvictions。 Hehadreadwithpity，amountingalmosttohorror，thestrictureswhichhadappearedfromtimetotimeagainsttheEarlofGuildfordasmasterofStCross，andtheinvectivesthathadbeenheapedonrichdiocesandignitariesandovergrownsinecurepluralists。Injudgingofthem，hejudgedleniently； thewholebiasofhisprofessionhadtaughthimtothinkthattheyweremoresinnedagainstthansinning，andthattheanimositywithwhichtheyhadbeenpursuedwasvenomousandunjust；buthehadnotthelessregardedtheirplightasmostmiserable。 Hishairhadstoodonendandhisfleshhadcreptashereadthethingswhichhadbeenwritten；hehadwonderedhowmencouldliveundersuchaloadofdisgrace；howtheycouldfacetheirfellow-creatureswhiletheirnameswerebandiedaboutsoinjuriouslyandsopublicly——andnowthislotwastobehis——he，thatshy，retiringman，whohadsocomfortedhimselfinthehiddenobscurityofhislot，whohadsoenjoyedtheunassumingwarmthofhisownlittlecorner，hewasnowdraggedforthintotheglaringday，andgibbetedbeforeferociousmultitudes。Heenteredhisownhouseacrestfallen，humiliatedman，withoutahopeofovercomingthewretchednesswhichaffectedhim。 Hewanderedintothedrawing-roomwherewashisdaughter； buthecouldnotspeaktohernow，soheleftit，andwentintothebook-room。HewasnotquickenoughtoescapeEleanor’sglance，ortopreventherfromseeingthathewasdisturbed； andinalittlewhileshefollowedhim。Shefoundhimseatedinhisaccustomedchairwithnobookopenbeforehim，nopenreadyinhishand，noill-shapennotesofblottedmusiclyingbeforehimaswasusual，noneofthosehospitalaccountswithwhichhewassopreciseandyetsounmethodical:hewasdoingnothing，thinkingofnothing，lookingatnothing； hewasmerelysuffering。 ’Leaveme，Eleanor，mydear，’hesaid；’leaveme，mydarling，forafewminutes，forIambusy。’ Eleanorsawwellhowitwas，butshedidleavehim，andglidedsilentlybacktoherdrawing-room。Whenhehadsatawhile，thusaloneandunoccupied，hegotuptowalkagain—— hecouldmakemoreofhisthoughtswalkingthansitting，andwascreepingoutintohisgarden，whenhemetBunceonthethreshold。 ’Well，Bunce，’saidhe，inatonethatforhimwassharp，’whatisit？doyouwantme？’ ’Iwasonlycomingtoaskafteryourreverence，’saidtheoldbedesman，touchinghishat；’andtoinquireaboutthenewsfromLondon，’headdedafterapause。 Thewardenwinced，andputhishandtohisforeheadandfeltbewildered。 ’AttorneyFinneyhasbeentherethismorning，’continuedBunce，’andbyhislooksIguessheisnotsowellpleasedasheoncewas，andithasgotabroadsomehowthatthearchdeaconhashaddowngreatnewsfromLondon，andHandyandMoodyarebothasblackasdevils。AndIhope，’saidtheman，tryingtoassumeacheerytone，’thatthingsarelookingup，andthatthere’llbeanendsoontoallthisstuffwhichbothersyourreverencesosorely。’ ’Well，Iwishtheremaybe，Bunce。’ ’Butaboutthenews，yourreverence？’saidtheoldman，almostwhispering。 MrHardingwalkedon，andshookhisheadimpatiently。 PoorBuncelittleknewhowhewastormentinghispatron。 ’Iftherewasanythingtocheeryou，Ishouldbesogladtoknowit，’saidhe，withatoneofaffectionwhichthewardeninallhismiserycouldnotresist。 Hestopped，andtookboththeoldman’shandsinhis。 ’Myfriend，’saidhe，’mydearoldfriend，thereisnothing； thereisnonewstocheerme——God’swillbedone’:andtwosmallhottearsbrokeawayfromhiseyesandstoledownhisfurrowedcheeks。 ’ThenGod’swillbedone，’saidtheothersolemnly；’buttheytoldmethattherewasgoodnewsfromLondon，andI cametowishyourreverencejoy；butGod’swillbedone，’ andsothewardenagainwalkedon，andthebedesman，lookingwistfullyafterhimandreceivingnoencouragementtofollow，returnedsadlytohisownabode。 Foracoupleofhoursthewardenremainedthusinthegarden，nowwalking，nowstandingmotionlessontheturf，andthen，ashislegsgotweary，sittingunconsciouslyonthegardenseats，andthenwalkingagain。AndEleanor，hiddenbehindthemuslincurtainsofthewindow，watchedhimthroughthetreesashenowcameinsight，andthenagainwasconcealedbytheturningsofthewalk；andthusthetimepassedawaytillfive，whenthewardencreptbacktothehouseandpreparedfordinner。 Itwasbutasorrymeal。Thedemureparlour-maid，asshehandedthedishesandchangedtheplates，sawthatallwasnotright，andwasmoredemurethanever:neitherfathernordaughtercouldeat，andthehatefulfoodwassoonclearedaway，andthebottleofportplaceduponthetable。