第18章

’WouldyoulikeBuncetocomein，papa？’saidEleanor，thinkingthatthecompanyoftheoldmanmightlightenhissorrow。 ’No，mydear，thankyou，nottoday；butarenotyougoingout，Eleanor，thislovelyafternoon？don’tstayinforme，mydear。’ ’Ithoughtyouseemedsosad，papa。’ ’Sad，’saidhe，irritated；’well，peoplemustallhavetheirshareofsadnesshere；Iamnotmoreexemptthananother: butkissme，dearest，andgonow；Iwill，ifpossible，bemoresociablewhenyoureturn。’ AndEleanorwasagainbanishedfromherfather’ssorrow。 Ah！herdesirenowwasnottofindhimhappy，buttobeallowedtosharehissorrows；nottoforcehimtobesociable，buttopersuadehimtobetrustful。 Sheputonherbonnetasdesired，andwentuptoMaryBold；thiswasnowherdailyhaunt，forJohnBoldwasupinLondonamonglawyersandchurchreformers，divingdeepintootherquestionsthanthatofthewardenshipofBarchester； supplyinginformationtoonememberofParliament，anddiningwithanother；subscribingtofundsfortheabolitionofclericalincomes，andsecondingatthatgreatnationalmeetingattheCrownandAnchoraresolutiontotheeffect，thatnoclergymanoftheChurchofEngland，behewhohemight，shouldhavemorethanathousandayear，andnonelessthantwohundredandfifty。Hisspeechonthisoccasionwasshort，forfifteenhadtospeak，andtheroomwashiredfortwohoursonly，attheexpirationofwhichtheQuakersandMrCobdenweretomakeuseofitforanappealtothepublicinaidoftheEmperorofRussia；butitwassharpandeffective；atleasthewastoldsobyacompanionwithwhomhenowlivedmuch，andonwhomhegreatlydepended——oneTomTowers，averyleadinggenius，andsupposedtohavehighemploymentonthestaffofTheJupiter。 SoEleanor，aswasnowherwont，wentuptoMaryBold，andMarylistenedkindly，whilethedaughterspokemuchofherfather，and，perhapskinderstill，foundalistenerinEleanor，whileshespokeaboutherbrother。Inthemeantimethewardensatalone，leaningonthearmofhischair；hehadpouredoutaglassofwine，buthaddonesomerelyfromhabit，forheleftituntouched；therehesatgazingattheopenwindow，andthinking，ifhecanbesaidtohavethought，ofthehappinessofhispastlife。Allmannerofpastdelightscamebeforehismind，whichatthetimehehadenjoyedwithoutconsideringthem；hiseasydays，hisabsenceofallkindofhardwork，hispleasantshadyhome，thosetwelveoldneighbourswhosewelfaretillnowhadbeenthesourceofsomuchpleasantcare，theexcellenceofhischildren，thefriendshipofthedearoldbishop，thesolemngrandeurofthosevaultedaisles，throughwhichhelovedtohearhisownvoicepealing； andthenthatfriendoffriends，thatchoiceallythathadneverdesertedhim，thateloquentcompanionthatwouldalways，whenasked，discoursesuchpleasantmusic，thatvioloncelloofhis——ah，howhappyhehadbeen！butitwasovernow；hiseasydaysandabsenceofworkhadbeenthecrimewhichbroughtonhimhistribulation；hisshadyhomewaspleasantnolonger；maybeitwasnolongerhis；theoldneighbours，whosewelfarehadbeensodesiredbyhim，werehisenemies； hisdaughterwasaswretchedashimself；andeventhebishopwasmademiserablebyhisposition。Hecouldneveragainliftuphisvoiceboldlyashehadhithertodoneamonghisbrethren，forhefeltthathewasdisgraced；andhefearedeventotouchhisbow，forheknewhowgrievousasoundofwailing，howpiteousalamentation，itwouldproduce。 Hewasstillsittinginthesamechairandthesameposture，havinghardlymovedalimbfortwohours，whenEleanorcamebacktotea，andsucceededinbringinghimwithherintothedrawing-room。 Theteaseemedascomfortlessasthedinner，thoughthewarden，whohadhithertoeatennothingallday，devouredtheplatefulofbreadandbutter，unconsciousofwhathewasdoing。 Eleanorhadmadeuphermindtoforcehimtotalktoher，butshehardlyknewhowtocommence:shemustwaittilltheurnwasgone，tilltheservantwouldnolongerbecominginandout。 Atlasteverythingwasgone，andthedrawing-roomdoorwaspermanentlyclosed；thenEleanor，gettingupandgoingroundtoherfather，putherarmroundhisneck，andsaid，’Papa，won’tyoutellmewhatitis？’ ’Whatwhatis，mydear？’ ’Thisnewsorrowthattormentsyou；Iknowyouareunhappy，papa。’ ’Newsorrow！it’snonewsorrow，mydear；wehaveallourcaressometimes’；andhetriedtosmile，butitwasaghastlyfailure；’butIshouldn’tbesodullacompanion； come，we’llhavesomemusic。’ ’No，papa，nottonight——itwouldonlytroubleyoutonight’； andshesatuponhisknee，asshesometimeswouldintheirgayestmoods，andwithherarmroundhisneck，shesaid: ’Papa，Iwillnotleaveyoutillyoutalktome；oh，ifyouonlyknewhowmuchgooditwoulddotoyou，totellmeofitall。’ Thefatherkissedhisdaughter，andpressedhertohisheart； butstillhesaidnothing:itwassohardtohimtospeakofhisownsorrows；hewassoshyamanevenwithhisownchild！ ’Oh，papa，dotellmewhatitis；Iknowitisaboutthehospital，andwhattheyaredoingupinLondon，andwhatthatcruelnewspaperhassaid；butiftherebesuchcauseforsorrow，letusbesorrowfultogether；weareallinalltoeachothernow:dear，dearpapa，dospeaktome。’ MrHardingcouldnotwellspeaknow，forthewarmtearswererunningdownhischeekslikeraininMay，butheheldhischildclosetohisheart，andsqueezedherhandasalovermight，andshekissedhisforeheadandhiswetcheeks，andlayuponhisbosom，andcomfortedhimasawomanonlycando。 ，Myownchild，’hesaid，assoonashistearswouldlethimspeak，’myown，ownchild，whyshouldyoutoobeunhappybeforeitisnecessary？Itmaycometothat，thatwemustleavethisplace，buttillthattimecomes，whyshouldyouryoungdaysbeclouded？’ ’Andisthatall，papa？Ifthatbeall，letusleaveit，andhavelightheartselsewhere:ifthatbeall，letusgo。Oh，papa，youandIcouldbehappyifwehadonlybreadtoeat，solongasourheartswerelight。’ AndEleanor’sfacewaslightedupwithenthusiasmasshetoldherfatherhowhemightbanishallhiscare；andagleamofjoyshotacrosshisbrowasthisideaofescapeagainpresenteditself，andheagainfanciedforamomentthathecouldspurnawayfromhimtheincomewhichtheworldenviedhim；thathecouldgivethelietothatwielderofthetomahawkwhohaddaredtowritesuchthingsofhiminTheJupiter； thathecouldleaveSirAbraham，andthearchdeacon，andBold，andtherestofthemwiththeirlawsuitamongthem，andwipehishandsaltogetherofsosorrow-stirringaconcern。Ah，whathappinessmighttherebeinthedistance，withEleanorandhiminsomesmallcottage，andnothingleftoftheirformergrandeurbuttheirmusic！Yes，theywouldwalkforthwiththeirmusicbooks，andtheirinstruments，andshakingthedustfromofftheirfeetastheywent，leavetheungratefulplace。 Neverdidapoorclergymansighforawarmbeneficemoreanxiouslythanourwardendidnowtoberidofhis。 ’Giveitup，papa，’shesaidagain，jumpingfromhiskneesandstandingonherfeetbeforehim，lookingboldlyintohisface；’giveitup，papa。’ Oh，itwassadtoseehowthatmomentarygleamofjoypassedaway；howthelookofhopewasdispersedfromthatsorrowfulface，astheremembranceofthearchdeaconcamebackuponourpoorwarden，andhereflectedthathecouldnotstirfromhisnowhatedpost。Hewasasamanboundwithiron，fetteredwithadamant:hewasinnorespectafreeagent；hehadnochoice。’Giveitup！’Ohifheonlycould: whataneasywaythatwereoutofallhistroubles！ ’Papa，don’tdoubtaboutit，’shecontinued，thinkingthathishesitationarosefromhisunwillingnesstoabandonsocomfortableahome；’isitonmyaccountthatyouwouldstayhere？DoyouthinkthatIcannotbehappywithoutapony- carriageandafinedrawing-room？Papa，Inevercanbehappyhere，aslongasthereisaquestionastoyourhonourinstayinghere；butIcouldbegayasthedayislonginthesmallesttinylittlecottage，ifIcouldseeyoucomeinandgooutwithalightheart。Oh！papa，yourfacetellssomuch； thoughyouwon’tspeaktomewithyourvoice，IknowhowitiswithyoueverytimeIlookatyou。’ Howhepressedhertohisheartagainwithalmostaspasmodicpressure！Howhekissedherasthetearsfelllikerainfromhisoldeyes！Howheblessedher，andcalledherbyahundredsoftsweetnameswhichnowcamenewtohislips！Howhechidhimselfforeverhavingbeenunhappywithsuchatreasureinhishouse，suchajewelonhisbosom，withsosweetaflowerinthechoicegardenofhisheart！Andthenthefloodgatesofhistonguewereloosed，and，atlength，withunsparingdetailofcircumstances，hetoldherallthathewished，andallthathecouldnotdo。Herepeatedthoseargumentsofthearchdeacon，notagreeingintheirtruth，butexplaininghisinabilitytoescapefromthem——howithadbeendeclaredtohimthathewasboundtoremainwherehewasbytheinterestsofhisorder，bygratitudetothebishop，bythewishesofhisfriends，byasenseofduty，which，thoughhecouldnotunderstandit，hewasfaintoacknowledge。Hetoldherhowhehadbeenaccusedofcowardice，andthoughhewasnotamantomakemuchofsuchachargebeforetheworld，nowinthefullcandourofhisheartheexplainedtoherthatsuchanaccusationwasgrievoustohim；thathedidthinkitwouldbeunmanlytodeserthispost，merelytoescapehispresentsufferings，andthat，therefore，hemustbearasbesthemightthemiserywhichwaspreparedforhim。 Anddidshefindthesedetailstedious？Oh，no；sheencouragedhimtodilateoneveryfeelingheexpressed，tillhelaidbaretheinmostcornersofhishearttoher。Theyspoketogetherofthearchdeacon，astwochildrenmightofastern，unpopular，butstillrespectedschoolmaster，andofthebishopasaparentkindaskindcouldbe，butpowerlessagainstanomnipotentpedagogue。