第26章

butwhatmemberofParliamenthadhalfhispower？Itistruethatinfar-offprovincesmendidnottalkdailyofTomTowersbuttheyreadTheJupiter，andacknowledgedthatwithoutTheJupiterlifewasnotworthhaving。Thiskindofhiddenbutstillconsciousglorysuitedthenatureoftheman。 Helovedtositsilentinacornerofhisclubandlistentotheloudchatteringofpoliticians，andtothinkhowtheyallwereinhispower——howhecouldsmitetheloudestofthem，wereitworthhiswhiletoraisehispenforsuchapurpose。Helovedtowatchthegreatmenofwhomhedailywrote，andflatterhimselfthathewasgreaterthananyofthem。Eachofthemwasresponsibletohiscountry，eachofthemmustanswerifinquiredinto，eachofthemmustendureabusewithgoodhumour，andinsolencewithoutanger。Buttowhomwashe，TomTowers，responsible？Noonecouldinsulthim；noonecouldinquireintohim。Hecouldspeakoutwitheringwords，andnoonecouldanswerhim:ministerscourtedhim，thoughperhapstheyknewnothisname；bishopsfearedhim；judgesdoubtedtheirownverdictsunlessheconfirmedthem；andgenerals，intheircouncilsofwar，didnotconsidermoredeeplywhattheenemywoulddo，thanwhatTheJupiterwouldsay。 TomTowersneverboastedofTheJupiter；hescarcelyevernamedthepapereventothemostintimateofhisfriends；hedidnotevenwishtobespokenofasconnectedwithit；buthedidnotthelessvaluehisprivileges，orthinkthelessofhisownimportance。ItisprobablethatTomTowersconsideredhimselfthemostpowerfulmaninEurope；andsohewalkedonfromdaytoday，studiouslystrivingtolookaman，butknowingwithinhisbreastthathewasagod。 TomTowers，DrAnticant，andMrSentiment’Ah，Bold！howareyou？Youhaven’tbreakfasted？’ ’Ohyes，hoursago。Andhowareyou？’ WhenoneEsquimaumeetsanother，dothetwo，asaninvariablerule，askaftereachother’shealth？isitinherentinallhumannaturetomakethisobliginginquiry？Didanyreaderofthistaleevermeetanyfriendoracquaintancewithoutaskingsomesuchquestion，anddidanyoneeverlistentothereply？ Sometimesastudiouslycourteousquestionerwillshowsomuchthoughtinthematterastoanswerithimself，bydeclaringthathadhelookedatyouheneedn’thaveasked；meaningtherebytosignifythatyouareanabsolutepersonificationofhealth:butsuchpersonsareonlythosewhopremeditatesmalleffects。 ’Isupposeyou’rebusy？’inquiredBold。 ’Why，yes，rather；orIshouldsayrathernot。Ihavealeisurehourintheday，thisisit。’ ’Iwanttoaskyouifyoucanobligemeinacertainmatter。’ Towersunderstoodinamoment，fromthetoneofhisfriend’svoice，thatthecertainmatterreferredtothenewspaper。 Hesmiled，andnoddedhishead，butmadenopromise。 ’YouknowthislawsuitthatI’vebeenengagedin，’saidBold。 TomTowersintimatedthathewasawareoftheactionwhichwaspendingaboutthehospital。 ’Well，I’veabandonedit。’ TomTowersmerelyraisedhiseyebrows，thrusthishandsintohistrowserspockets，andwaitedforhisfriendtoproceed。 ’Yes，I’vegivenitup。Ineedn’ttroubleyouwithallthehistory；butthefactisthattheconductofMrHarding—— MrHardingisthe——’ ’Ohyes，themasteroftheplace；themanwhotakesallthemoneyanddoesnothing，’saidTomTowers，interruptinghim。 ’Well，Idon’tknowaboutthat；buthisconductinthematterhasbeensoexcellent，solittleselfish，soopen，thatI cannotproceedinthemattertohisdetriment。’Bold’sheartmisgavehimastoEleanorashesaidthis；andyethefeltthatwhathesaidwasnotuntrue。’Ithinknothingshouldnowbedonetillthewardenshipbevacant。’ ’Andbeagainfilled，’saidTowers，’asitcertainlywould，beforeanyoneheardofthevacancy；andthesameobjectionwouldagainexist。It’sanoldstorythatofthevestedrightsoftheincumbent；butsupposetheincumbenthasonlyavestedwrong，andthatthepoorofthetownhaveavestedright，iftheyonlyknewhowtogetatit:isnotthatsomethingthecasehere？’ Boldcouldn’tdenyit，butthoughtitwasoneofthosecaseswhichrequiredagooddealofmanagementbeforeanyrealgoodcouldbedone。Itwasapitythathehadnotconsideredthisbeforehecreptintothelion’smouth，intheshapeofanattorney’soffice。 ’Itwillcostyouagooddeal，Ifear，’saidTowers。 ’Afewhundreds，’saidBold——’perhapsthreehundred；I can’thelpthat，andampreparedforit。’ ’That’sphilosophical。It’squiterefreshingtohearamantalkingofhishundredsinsopurelyindifferentamanner。 ButI’msorryyouaregivingthematterup。Itinjuresamantocommenceathingofthiskind，andnotcarryitthrough。 Haveyouseenthat？’andhethrewasmallpamphletacrossthetable，whichwasallbutdampfromthepress。 Boldhadnotseenitnorheardofit；buthewaswellacquaintedwiththeauthorofit——agentlemanwhosepamphlets，condemnatoryofallthingsinthesemoderndays，hadbeenagooddealtalkedaboutoflate。 DrPessimistAnticantwasaScotchman，whohadpassedagreatportionofhisearlydaysinGermany；hehadstudiedtherewithmucheffect，andhadlearnttolookwithGermansubtiltyintotherootofthings，andtoexamineforhimselftheirintrinsicworthandworthlessness。Nomaneverresolvedmorebravelythanhetoacceptasgoodnothingthatwasevil；tobanishfromhimasevilnothingthatwasgood。 ’Tisapitythatheshouldnothaverecognisedthefact，thatinthisworldnogoodisunalloyed，andthatthereisbutlittleevilthathasnotinitsomeseedofwhatisgoodly。 ReturningfromGermany，hehadastonishedthereadingpublicbythevigourofhisthoughts，putforthinthequaintestlanguage。HecannotwriteEnglish，saidthecritics。Nomatter，saidthepublic；wecanreadwhathedoeswrite，andthatwithoutyawning。AndsoDrPessimistAnticantbecamePopular。Popularityspoilthimforallfurtherrealuse，asithasdonemanyanother。While，withsomediffidence，heconfinedhisobjurgationstotheoccasionalfolliesorshortcomingsofmankind；whileheridiculedtheenergyofthesquiredevotedtotheslaughterofpartridges，orthemistakeofsomenoblepatronwhoturnedapoetintoagaugerofbeer- barrels，itwasallwell；weweregladtobetoldourfaultsandtolookforwardtothecomingmillennium，whenallmen，havingsufficientlystudiedtheworksofDrAnticant，wouldbecometruthfulandenergetic。Butthedoctormistookthesignsofthetimesandthemindsofmen，institutedhimselfcensorofthingsingeneral，andbeganthegreattaskofreprobatingeverythingandeverybody，withoutfurtherpromiseofanymillenniumatall。Thiswasnotsowell；and，totellthetruth，ourauthordidnotsucceedinhisundertaking。Histheorieswereallbeautiful，andthecodeofmoralsthathetaughtuscertainlyanimprovementonthepracticesoftheage。Weallofuscould，andmanyofusdid，learnmuchfromthedoctorwhilehechosetoremainvague，mysterious，andcloudy:butwhenhebecamepractical，thecharmwasgone。 Hisallusiontothepoetandthepartridgeswasreceivedverywell。’Oh，mypoorbrother，’saidhe，’slaughteredpartridgesascoreofbracetoeachgun，andpoetsgaugingale- barrels，withsixtypoundsayear，atDumfries，arenotthesignsofagreatera！——perhapsofthesmallestpossibleerayetwrittenof。Whatevereconomieswepursue，politicalorother，letusseeatoncethatthisisthemaddestoftheuneconomic: partridgeskilledbyourlandmagnatesat，shallwesay，aguineaahead，toberetailedinLeadenhallatoneshillingandninepence，withonepoacherinlimboforeveryfiftybirds！ ourpoet，maker，creator，gaugingale，andthatbadly，withnoleisureformakingorcreating，onlyalittleleisurefordrinking，andsuchlikebeer-barrelavocations！Truly，acuttingofblockswithfinerazorswhilewescrapeourchinssouncomfortablywithrustyknives！Oh，mypoliticaleconomist，masterofsupplyanddemand，divisionoflabourandhighpressure——oh，myloud-speakingfriend，tellme，ifsomuchbeinyou，whatisthedemandforpoetsinthesekingdomsofQueenVictoria，andwhatthevouchsafedsupply？’ Thiswasallverywell:thisgaveussomehope。Wemightdobetterwithournextpoet，whenwegotone；andthoughthepartridgesmightnotbeabandoned，somethingcouldperhapsbedoneastothepoachers。Wewereunwilling，however，totakelessonsinpoliticsfromsomistyaprofessor；andwhenhecametotellusthattheheroesofWestminsterwerenaught，webegantothinkthathehadwrittenenough。Hisattackupondespatchboxeswasnotthoughttohavemuchinit；butasitisshort，thedoctorshallagainbeallowedtospeakhissentiments。 ’Couldutmostingenuityinthemanagementofredtapeavailanythingtomenlyinggasping——wemaysay，allbutdead；coulddespatchboxeswithnever-so-muchvelvetliningandChubb’spatentbeofcomforttoapeopleinextremes，I also，withsomanyothers，would，withparchedtongue，callonthenameofLordJohnRussell；or，mybrother，atyouradvice，onLordAberdeen；or，mycousin，onLordDerby，atyours；being，withmyparchedtongue，indifferenttosuchmatters。’Tisallone。Oh，Derby！Oh，Gladstone！Oh，Palmerston！Oh，LordJohn！Eachcomesrunningwithserenefaceanddespatchbox。Vainphysicians！thoughtherewerehostsofsuch，nodespatchboxwillcurethisdisorder！ What！arethereotherdoctors’newnames，discipleswhohavenotburdenedtheirsoulswithtape？Well，letuscallagain。 Oh，Disraeli，greatoppositionist，manofthebitterbrow！or，Oh，Molesworth，greatreformer，thouwhopromisestUtopia。 Theycome；eachwiththatsereneface，andeach——alas，me！ alas，mycountry！——eachwithadespatchbox！ ’Oh，theserenityofDowningStreet！ ’Mybrothers，whenhopewasoveronthebattle-field，whennodimmestchanceofvictoryremained，theancientRomancouldhidehisfacewithinhistoga，anddiegracefully。CanyouandIdosonow？Ifso，’twerebestforus；ifnot，ohmybrothers，wemustdiedisgracefully，forhopeoflifeandvictoryIseenonelefttousinthisworldbelow。Iforonecannottrustmuchtoserenefaceanddespatchbox！’ Theremightbetruthinthis，theremightbedepthofreasoning；