第20章

HereVologonovlowershisvoice，andcontinueswithsomethingofthegrowlofanangrydog: “Itoohavehadsons，oneofwhomwaskilledatKushka(adocumenthascertifiedtothateffect)，anotherwasdrownedwhilstdrunk，threemorediedininfancy，andonlytwoarestillalive。Oftheselast，IknowthatoneisactingasawaiterinahotelatSmolensk，whiletheother，Melenti，waseducatedfortheChurch，senttostudyinaseminary，inducedtoabscondandgetintotrouble，andeventuallydispatchedtoSiberia。Therenow！Yes，theRussianiswhatmightbecalleda’lightweighted’ individual，anindividualwho，unlessheholdshimselfdownbythehead，issooncarriedoffbythewindlikeachicken’sfeather——forwearetooself-confidentandrestless。Beforenow，Imyselfhavebeenagull，amanlackingbalance:forneverdoesyouthrealiseitsowninsignificance，orknowhowtowait。“ Dissertationsofthekinddropfromtheoldmanlikewaterfromaleakypipeonacold，blusterydayinautumn。Wagginghisgreybeard，hetalksandtalks，untilIbegintothinkthathemustbeanevilwizard，andmasterofthisremote，barren，swampy，ravine-pittedregion——thatheitiswhooriginallyplantedthetowninthisuncomfortable，clayeyhollow，andhasthrownthehousesintoheaps，andentangledthestreets，andwantonlycreatedthetown’sunaccountablyrudeandroughanddeadlyexistence，andaddledmen’sbrainswithdisconnectednonsense，andconsumedtheirheartswithafearoflife。Yes，itcomestomethatitmustbehewho，duringthelongsixmonthsofwinter，causescruelsnowstormsfromtheplaintoinvadethetown，andwithfrostcompressesthebuildingsofthetownuntiltheirrafterscrack，andstingingcoldbringsbirdstotheground。 Lastly，Ibecomeseizedwiththeideathatitmustbehewho，almosteverysummer，envelopsthetowninthoseterriblevisitationsofheatbynightwhichseemalmosttocausethehousestomelt。 However，asarulehemaintainscompletesilence，andmerelymakeschewingmotionswithhisstrong-toothedjawsashesitswagginghisbeardfromsidetoside。Atsuchtimesthereisinhiseyesabluishfirelikethegleamofcharcoal，whilehiscrookedfingerswrithelikeworms，andhisoutwardappearancebecomessheerlythatofamagicianofiniquity。 OnceIaskedhim: “Whatinparticularoughtmentowaitfor？“ Forawhilehesatclaspinghisbeard，and，withcontractedeyes，gazingasatsomethingbehindme。Thenhesaidquietlyanddidactically: “SomedaytherewillariseaStrangeManwhowillproclaimtotheworldtheWordtowhichthereneverwasabeginning。ButtowhichofusisthehourwhenthatManwillariseknown？Tononeofus……AndtowhichofusareknownthemiracleswhichthatWordwillperform？Tononeofus。“ Onceuponatimethereusedtoglidepastthewindowofmyroomthefair，curly，wavering，goldenheadofNilushkatheidiot，aladlookinglikeathingwhichtheearthhasbegottenoflove。 Yes，Nilushkawaslikeanangelinsomesacredpictureadorningthesouthernorthenortherngatesofanancientchurch，as，withhisflushedfacesmearedwithwax-smokeandoil，andhislightblueeyesgleaminginacold，unearthlysmile，andaframecladinaredsmockreachingtobelowhisknees，andthesolesofhisfeetshowingblack(alwayshewalkedontiptoe)，andhisthincalves，asstraightandwhiteasthecalvesofawoman，coveredwithgoldendown，hewalkedthestreets。 Sometimeshoppingalongononeleg，andsmiling，andwavinghisarms，andcausingtheamplefoldsandsleevesofhissmocktoflutteruntilheseemedtobemovinginthemidstofanimbus，Nilushkawouldsinginahaltingwhisperthechildishditty: 0hLo-ord，pardonme！ Wo-olvesrun，Anddo-ogsrun，AndthehunterswaitTokillthewolves。 0hLo-ord，pardonme！ Meanwhile，hewoulddiffuseacheeringatmosphereofhappinesswithwhichnooneinthelocalityhadanythingincommon。Forhewaseveralighthearted，winning，essentiallypureinnocentofthetypewhichneverfailstoevokegood-naturedsmilesandkindlyemotions。Indeed，asheroamedthestreets，thesuburbseemedtoliveitslifewithlessclamour，toappearmoredecentofoutwardguise，sincethelocalfolklookedupontheimbecilewithfarmoreindulgencethantheydidupontheirownchildren； andhewasintimatewith，andbelovedby，eventheworst。 Probablythereasonforthiswasthatthesemblanceofflightamidanatmosphereofgoldendustwhichwashiscombinedwithhisstraight，slenderlittlefiguretoputallwhobeheldhiminmindofchurches，angels，God，andParadise。Atallevents，allviewedhiminamannercontemplative，interested，andmorethanalittledeferential。 AcuriousfactwasthecircumstancethatwheneverNilushkasightedastraygleamfromapieceofglass，ortheglitterofamorselofcopperinsunlight，hewouldhaltdeadwherehewas，turngreywiththeashinessofdeath，losehissmile，andremaindilatingtoanunnaturalextenthiscloudedandtroubledeyes。 Andso，withhiswholeformdistortedwithhorror，andhisthinhandcrossinghimself，andhiskneestrembling，andhissmockflutteringaroundhisfrailwispofabody，andhisfeaturesgrowingstonelike，hewould，foranhourormore，continuetostand，untilatlengthsomeonelaidahandinhis，andledhimhome。 Thetalehaditthat，inthefirstinstance，born“soft-headed，“ hefinallylosthisreason，fiveyearsbeforetheperiodofwhichIamwriting，whenagreatfireoccurred，andthatthenceforthanything，savesunlight，thatinanywayresembledfireplungedhimintothistorporofdumbdread。 Naturallythepeopleofthesuburbdevotedtohimagreatdealofattention。 “TheregoesGod’sfool，“wouldbetheirremark。“ItwillnotbelongbeforehediesandbecomesaSaint，andwefalldownandworshiphim。“ Yettherewerepersonswhowouldgosofarastocrackrudejestsathisexpense。Forinstance，ashewouldbeskippingalong，withhischildishvoiceraisedinhislittleditty，someidleroranotherwouldshoutfromawindow，orthroughthecrannyofafence: “Hi，Nilushka！Fire！Fire！“ Whereupontheangel-facedimbecilewouldsinktoearthasthoughhislegshadbeencutawayatthekneefromunderhim，andhewouldhuddle，franticallyclutchinghisgoldenheadinhispermanentlysoiledhands，andexposinghisyouthfulformtothedust，underthenearesthouseorfence。 Onlythenwouldthepersonwhohadgivenhimthefrightrepent，andsaywithalaugh: “Godinheaven，whatastupidladthisis！“ And，shouldthatpersonhavebeenaskedwhyhehadthusterrifiedtheboy，hewouldprobablyhavereplied: “Becauseitissuchsporttodoso。Asaladwhocannotfeelthingsasotherhumanbeingsdo，heinclinesfolktomakefunofhim。“ AsfortheomniscientAntipaVologonov，thefollowingwashisfrequentcommentonNilushka: “Christalsohadtowalkinterror。Christalsowaspersecuted。 Whyso？BecauseeverHeenduredinrectitudeandstrength。Menneedtolearnwhatisrealandwhatisunreal。Manyarethesinsofearthcomeofthefactthattheseemingismistakenfortheactual，andthatmenkeeppressingforwardwhentheyoughttobewaiting，tobeprovingthemselves。“ HenceVologonov，liketherest，bestowedmuchattentionuponNilushka，andfrequentlyheldconversationswithhim。 “DoyounowpraytoGod，“hesaidonceashepointedtoheavenwithoneofhiscrookedfingers，andwiththedisengagedhandclaspedhisdishevelled，variouslycolouredbeard。 WhereuponNilushkaglancedfearfullyatthemysteriouslypointingfinger，and，pluckingsharplyathisforehead，shoulders，andstomachwithtwofingersandathumb，intonedinthin，plaintiveaccents: “OurFatherinHeaven——“ “WHICHARTinHeaven。“ “Yes，intheHeavenofHeavens。“ “Ah，well！Godwillunderstand。Heisthefriendofallblessedones。“[Idiots；sincepersonsmentallydeficientarepopularlydeemedtostandinapeculiarlycloserelationtotheAlmighty。] Again，greatwasNilushka’sinterestinanythingspherical。 Also，hehadaloveforhandlingtheheadsofchildren；when，softlyapproachingagroupfrombehind，hewould，withhisbright，quietsmile，layslender，bonyfingersuponaclose-croppedlittlepoll；withtheresultthatthechildren，notrelishingsuchfingering，wouldtakealarmatthesame，and，boltingtoadiscreetdistance，thenceabusetheidiot，putouttheirtonguesathim，anddrawlinanasalchorus: “Nilka，thebottle-neck，theneckwithoutanapetoit“ [ProbablytheattractivenessofthisformulalayratherintherhymingoftheRussianwords:“Nilka，butilka，bashkabezzatilka！“thanintheiractualmeaning]。