第58章

Kalinin’ssmallfacehadbecomepainfullycontracted，andgrownoldandhaggard-looking。Rollingoverontohisbreastbeforethelanguishingfire，hewavedahandtodissipatethesmokewhichwaslazilydriftingslant-wise。 “ForseventeendaysdidIremainstretchedonasick-bed，andwasattendedbythedoctorinperson。Oneday，whensittingbymyside，heinquired: “’Ipresumeyourintentionwastopoisonyourself，youfoolishfellow？’ “Yes，merelyTHATwaswhathecalledme——a’foolishfellow。’Yetindeed，whatwasItohim？Onlyanentitywhichmightbecomefoodfordogs，forallhecared。NordidValentinaIgnatievnaherselfpaymeasinglevisit，andmyeyesneveragainbeheldher。BeforelongsheandDr。Kliachkaweredulymarried，anddepartedtoKharkov，wherehewasassignedapostintheTchuguerskiCamp。 ThusonlytheGeneralremained。Roughandready，hewas，nevertheless，oldandsensible，andforthatreason，didnotmatter；whereforeIretainedmysituationasbefore。Onmyrecovery，hesentforme，andsaidinatoneofreproof: “’Lookhere。Youarenotwhollyanidiot。Whathashappenedisthatthosevilebooksofyourshavecorruptedyourmind’(asamatteroffact，Ihadneverreadabookinmylife，sinceforreadingIhavenoloveorinclination)。’Henceyoumusthaveseenforyourselfthatonlyintalesdoclownsmarryprincesses。Youknow，lifeislikeagameofchess。Everypiecehasitspropermoveontheboard，orthegamecouldnotbeplayedatall。’“ Kalininrubbedhishandsoverthefire(slender，non-workmanlikehandstheywere)，andwinkedandsmiled。 “ItooktheGeneral’swordsveryseriously，andproceededtoaskmyself:’Towhatdothosewordsamount？Tothis:thatthoughI maynotcareactuallytotakepartinthegame，Ineednotwastemywholeexistencethroughadisinclinationtolearnthebestusetowhichthatexistencecanbeput。’ Withatriumphantupliftoftone，Kalinincontinued: “So，brother，IsetmyselftoWATCHthegameinquestion；withtheresultthatsoonIdiscoveredthatthemajorityofmenlivesurroundedwithahostofsuperfluouscommoditieswhichdobutburdenthem，andhaveinthemselvesnorealvalue。WhatIrefertoisbooks，pictures，china，andrubbishofthesamesort。 ThoughtItomyself:’WhyshouldIdevotemylifetotendinganddustingsuchcommoditieswhilerisking，allthetime，theirbreakage？Nomoreofitforme！Wasitforthetendingofsucharticlesthatmymotherboremeamidtheagoniesofchildbirth？ IsitanexistenceofTHISkindthatmustbepasseduntilthetombbereached？No，no——athousandtimesno！RatherwillI，withyourgoodleave，rejectaltogetherthegameoflife，andsubsistasmaybebestforme，andasmayhappentobemypleasure。’“ Now，asKalininspoke，hiseyesemittedgreensparks，andashewavedhishandsoverthefire，asthoughtolopofftheredtonguesofflame，hisfingerstwistedconvulsively。 “Ofcourse，notallatastrokedidIarriveatthisconclusion； Ididsobutgradually。ThepersonwhofinallyconfirmedmeinmyopinionwasafriarofBaku，asageofpre-eminentwisdom，throughhissayingtome:’Withnothingatalloughtamantofetterhissoul。Neitherwithbond-service，norwithproperty，norwithwomankind，norwithanyotherconcessiontothetemptationsofthisworldoughthetoconstrainitsaction。 Ratheroughthetolivealone，andtolovenonebutChrist。Onlythisistrue。Onlythiswillbeforeverlasting。’ “And，“addedKalininwithanimationandinflatedcheeksandflushed，suppressedenthusiasm，“manylandsandmanypeopleshaveIseen，andalwayshaveIfound(particularlyinRussia) thatmanyfolkalreadyhavereachedanunderstandingofthemselves，and，consequently，refusedanylongertorenderobeisancetoabsurdities。’Shunevil，andyouwillevolvegood。’ Thatiswhatthefriarsaidtomeasapartingword——thoughlongbeforeourencounterhadIgraspedthemeaningoftheaxiom。AndthataxiomImyselfhavesincepassedontootherfolk，asIhopetodoyetmanytimesinthefuture。“ Atthispointthespeaker’stonerevertedtooneofquerulousanxiety。 “Lookhowlowthesunhassunk！“heexclaimed。 Trueenough，thatluminary，largeandround，wasdeclininginto—— rather，towards——thesea，whilesuspendedbetweenhimandthewaterwerelow，dark，white-toppedcumuli。 “Soonnightfallwillbeovertakingus，“continuedKalininashefumbledinhiskaftan。“Andinthesepartsjackalshowlwhendarknessiscome。“ InparticulardidInoticethreecloudsthatlookedlikeTurksinwhiteturbansandrobesofaduskyredcolour。AndasthesecloudTurksbenttheirheadstogetherinprivateconverse，suddenlythereswelleduponthebackofoneofthefiguresahump，whileontheturbanofasecondtheresproutedforthapalepinkfeatherwhich，becomingdetachedfromitsbase，wentfloatingupwardstowardsthezenithandthenowrayless，despondent，moonlikesun。LastlythethirdTurkstoopedforwardovertheseatoscreenhiscompanions，andashedidso，developedahugerednosewhichcomicallyseemedtodiptowards，andsniffat，thewaters。 “Sometimes，“continuedKalinin’sevenvoicethroughthecracklingandhissingofthewoodfire，“amanwhoisoldandblindmaycobbleashoebetterthancleverermenthanhe，canordertheirwholelives。“ ButnolongerdidIdesiretolistentoKalinin，forthethreadswhichhaddrawnme，boundme，tohispersonalityhadnowparted。 AllthatIdesiredtodowastocontemplateinsilencethesea，whilethinkingofsomeofthosesubjectswhichateventideneverfailtostirthesoultogentle，kindlyemotion。Bombers，Kalinin’swordscontinueddrippingintomyearlikebelatedraindrops。 “Nowadayseverybodyisabusybody。Nowadayseveryoneinquiresofhisfellow-man，’Howisyourlifeordered？’Towhichalwaysthereisaddeddidactically，’Butyououghtnottoliveasyouaredoing。Letmeshowyoutheway。’Asthoughanyonecantellmehowbestmylifemayattainfulldevelopment，seeingthatnoonecanpossiblyhavesuchamatterwithinhisknowledge！Nay，leteverymanliveasbesthepleases，withoutcompulsion。Forinstance，Ihavenoneedofyou。Inreturn，itisnotyourbusinesseithertorequireortoexpectaughtofme。AndthisI saythoughFatherVitalisaysthecontrary，andaversthatthroughoutshouldmanwarwiththeevilsoftheworld。“ Inthevague，widefirmamentablood-redclusterofcloudswashanging，andasIcontemplateditthereoccurredtomethethought，“Maynotthosecloudsbeerstwhilerighteousworld-folkwhoarefollowinganunseenpathacrossthatexpanse，anddyeingitredwiththeirgoodbloodastheygo，inorderthattheearthmaybefertilised？“ Torightandleftofthatstripoflivingflametheseawasofacuriouswinetint，whilefurtheroff，rather，itwasassoftandblackasvelvet，andintheremoteeastsheet-lightningwasflashingevenasthoughsomegianthandwerefruitlesslyendeavouringtostrikeamatchagainstthesoddenfirmament。 MeanwhileKalinincontinuedtodiscoursewithenthusiasmonthesubjectofFatherVitali，theLabourSuperintendentofthemonasteryofNewAthos，whiledescribingindetailthemonk’sjovial，cleverfeatureswiththeirpearlyteethandcontrastingblackandsilverbeard。InparticularherelatedhowonceVitalihadknittedhisfine，almostwomanlikeeyes，andsaidinabasswhichstressedits“o’s“: “Onourfirstarrivalhere，wefoundinpossessiononlyprehistoricchaosanddemoniacalinfluence。Everywherehadclingingweedsgrowntorankness；everywhereonefoundone’sfeetentangledamongbindweedandothervegetationofthesort。Andnowseewhatbeautyandjoyandcomfortthehandofmanhaswrought！“ And，havingthusspoken，themonkhadtracedagreatcirclewithhiseyeanddoughtyhand，acirclewhichhadembracedasinaframethemount，andthegardensfashionedanddevelopedbyridgingsoftherock，andthedownysoilwhichhadbeenbeatenintothoseridgings，andthesilverstreakofwaterfallplayingalmostatVitali’sfeet，andthestone-hewnstaircaseleadingtothecaveofSimeontheCanaanite，andthegildedcupolasofthenewchurchwheretheyhadstoodflashinginthenoontidesun，andthesnow-white，shimmeringblocksoftheguesthouseandtheservants’quarters，andtheglitteringfishponds，andthetreesofuniformtrimness，yetauniformlyregaldignity。 “Brethren，“themonkhadsaidintriumphantconclusion，“wheresoevermanmaybe，hewill，ashesodesires，begivenpowertoovercomethedesolationofthewilds。“ “AndthenIpressedhimfurther，“Kalininadded。“Yes，Isaidtohim:’NeverthelessChrist，ourLord，wasnotlikeyou，forHewashomelessandawanderer。Hewasonewhoutterlyrejectedyourlifeofintensivecultivationofthesoil’“(asherelatedtheincidentKaliningavehisheadsundryjerksfromsidetosidewhichmadehisearsflap，toandfro)。“’AlsoneitherforthelowlyalonenorfortheexaltedalonedidChristexist。Rather，He，likeallgreatbenefactors，wasonewhohadnoparticularleaning。Nay，evenwhenHewasroamingtheRussianLandincompanywithSaintsYuriandNikolai，HealwaysforboretointrudeHimselfintothevillages’affairs，justas，wheneverHiscompanionsengagedindisputesconcerningmankind，Heneverfailedtomaintainsilenceonthesubject。’Yes，thusIplaguedVitaliuntilheshoutedatmyhead，’Ah，impudence，youareaheretic！’“ Bythistime，theairundertheleeofthestonewasgrowingsmokyandoppressive，forthefire，withitsflameslookinglikeabouquetcompoundedofredpoppiesorazaleasandbloomsofanaureatetint，hadbegunfairlytoliveitsbeautifulexistence，andwasblazing，anddiffusingwarmth，andlaughingitsbright，cheerful，intelligentlaugh。Yetfromthemountainsandthecloud-masseseveningwasdescending，astheearthemittedprofoundgaspsofhumidity，andtheseaintoneditsvague，thoughtful，resonantsong。