ThenIcouldhearacuriouspatteringuponthedoor，almostlikesomeonefeelingforthehandleinthedark，andPyecraft’sfamiliargrunts。
“It’sallright，“Isaid，“she’sgone。“
Butforalongtimethedoordidn’topen。
Iheardthekeyturn。ThenPyecraft’svoicesaid，“Comein。“
Iturnedthehandleandopenedthedoor。NaturallyIexpectedtoseePyecraft。
Well，youknow，hewasn’tthere！
Ineverhadsuchashockinmylife。Therewashissitting-roominastateofuntidydisorder，platesanddishesamongthebooksandwritingthings，andseveralchairsoverturned，butPyecraft——
“It’sallright，o’man；shutthedoor，“hesaid，andthenI
discoveredhim。
Therehewasrightupclosetothecorniceinthecornerbythedoor，asthoughsomeonehadgluedhimtotheceiling。Hisfacewasanxiousandangry。Hepantedandgesticulated。“Shutthedoor，“hesaid。
“Ifthatwomangetsholdofit——“
Ishutthedoor，andwentandstoodawayfromhimandstared。
“Ifanythinggiveswayandyoutumbledown，“Isaid，“you’llbreakyourneck，Pyecraft。“
“IwishIcould，“hewheezed。
“Amanofyourageandweightgettinguptokiddishgymnastics——“
“Don’t，“hesaid，andlookedagonised。
“I’lltellyou，“hesaid，andgesticulated。
“Howthedeuce，“saidI，“areyouholdingonupthere？“
AndthenabruptlyIrealisedthathewasnotholdingonatall，thathewasfloatingupthere——justasagas-filledbladdermighthavefloatedinthesameposition。Hebeganastruggletothrusthimselfawayfromtheceilingandtoclamberdownthewalltome。
“It’sthatprescription，“hepanted，ashedidso。“Yourgreat-gran——“
Hetookholdofaframedengravingrathercarelesslyashespokeanditgaveway，andheflewbacktotheceilingagain，whilethepicturesmashedontothesofa。Bumphewentagainsttheceiling，andIknewthenwhyhewasalloverwhiteonthemoresalientcurvesandanglesofhisperson。Hetriedagainmorecarefully，comingdownbywayofthemantel。
Itwasreallyamostextraordinaryspectacle，thatgreat，fat，apoplectic-lookingmanupsidedownandtryingtogetfromtheceilingtothefloor。“Thatprescription，“hesaid。“Toosuccessful。“
“How？“
“Lossofweight——almostcomplete。“
Andthen，ofcourse，Iunderstood。
“ByJove，Pyecraft，“saidI，“whatyouwantedwasacureforfatness！
Butyoualwayscalleditweight。Youwouldcallitweight。“
SomehowIwasextremelydelighted。IquitelikedPyecraftforthetime。
“Letmehelpyou！“Isaid，andtookhishandandpulledhimdown。
Hekickedabout，tryingtogetafootholdsomewhere。Itwasverylikeholdingaflagonawindyday。
“Thattable，“hesaid，pointing，“issolidmahoganyandveryheavy。
Ifyoucanputmeunderthat——“
Idid，andtherehewallowedaboutlikeacaptiveballoon，whileIstoodonhishearthrugandtalkedtohim。
Ilitacigar。“Tellme，“Isaid，“whathappened？“
“Itookit，“hesaid。
“Howdidittaste？“
“Oh，BEASTLY！“
Ishouldfancytheyalldid。Whetheroneregardstheingredientsortheprobablecompoundorthepossibleresults，almostallofmygreat-grandmother’sremediesappeartomeatleasttobeextraordinarilyuninviting。Formyownpart——
“Itookalittlesipfirst。“
“Yes？“
“AndasIfeltlighterandbetterafteranhour，Idecidedtotakethedraught。“
“MydearPyecraft！“
“Iheldmynose，“heexplained。“AndthenIkeptongettinglighterandlighter——andhelpless，youknow。“
Hegavewaytoasuddenburstofpassion。“WhatthegoodnessamI
toDO？“hesaid。
“There’sonethingprettyevident，“Isaid，“thatyoumustn’tdo。
Ifyougooutofdoors，you’llgoupandup。“Iwavedanarmupward。
“They’dhavetosendSantos-Dumontafteryoutobringyoudownagain。“
“Isupposeitwillwearoff？“
Ishookmyhead。“Idon’tthinkyoucancountonthat，“Isaid。
Andthentherewasanotherburstofpassion，andhekickedoutatadjacentchairsandbangedthefloor。HebehavedjustasIshouldhaveexpectedagreat，fat，self-indulgentmantobehaveundertryingcircumstances——thatistosay，verybadly。Hespokeofmeandmygreat-grandmotherwithanutterwantofdiscretion。
“Ineveraskedyoutotakethestuff，“Isaid。
Andgenerouslydisregardingtheinsultshewasputtinguponme，Isatdowninhisarmchairandbegantotalktohiminasober，friendlyfashion。
Ipointedouttohimthatthiswasatroublehehadbroughtuponhimself，andthatithadalmostanairofpoeticaljustice。Hehadeatentoomuch。Thishedisputed，andforatimewearguedthepoint。
Hebecamenoisyandviolent，soIdesistedfromthisaspectofhislesson。“Andthen，“saidI，“youcommittedthesinofeuphuism。
YoucalleditnotFat，whichisjustandinglorious，butWeight。You——“
Heinterruptedtosayherecognisedallthat。WhatwashetoDO？
Isuggestedheshouldadapthimselftohisnewconditions。Sowecametothereallysensiblepartofthebusiness。Isuggestedthatitwouldnotbedifficultforhimtolearntowalkaboutontheceilingwithhishands——
“Ican’tsleep，“hesaid。
Butthatwasnogreatdifficulty。Itwasquitepossible，Ipointedout，tomakeashake-upunderawiremattress，fastentheunderthingsonwithtapes，andhaveablanket，sheet，andcoverlettobuttonattheside。Hewouldhavetoconfideinhishousekeeper，Isaid；
andaftersomesquabblingheagreedtothat。(Afterwardsitwasquitedelightfultoseethebeautifullymatter-of-factwaywithwhichthegoodladytookalltheseamazinginversions。)Hecouldhavealibraryladderinhisroom，andallhismealscouldbelaidonthetopofhisbookcase。Wealsohitonaningeniousdevicebywhichhecouldgettothefloorwheneverhewanted，whichwassimplytoputtheBritishEncyclopaedia(tenthedition)onthetopofhisopenshelves。Hejustpulledoutacoupleofvolumesandheldon，anddownhecame。Andweagreedtheremustbeironstaplesalongtheskirting，sothathecouldclingtothosewheneverhewantedtogetabouttheroomonthelowerlevel。
AswegotonwiththethingIfoundmyselfalmostkeenlyinterested。
ItwasIwhocalledinthehousekeeperandbrokematterstoher，anditwasIchieflywhofixeduptheinvertedbed。Infact，Ispenttwowholedaysathisflat。Iamahandy，interferingsortofmanwithascrew-driver，andImadeallsortsofingeniousadaptationsforhim——ranawiretobringhisbellswithinreach，turnedallhiselectriclightsupinsteadofdown，andsoon。Thewholeaffairwasextremelycuriousandinterestingtome，anditwasdelightfultothinkofPyecraftlikesomegreat，fatblow-fly，crawlingaboutonhisceilingandclamberingroundthelintelsofhisdoorsfromoneroomtoanother，andnever，never，nevercomingtotheclubanymore……
Then，youknow，myfatalingenuitygotthebetterofme。Iwassittingbyhisfiredrinkinghiswhisky，andhewasupinhisfavouritecornerbythecornice，tackingaTurkeycarpettotheceiling，whentheideastruckme。“ByJove，Pyecraft！“Isaid，“allthisistotallyunnecessary。“
AndbeforeIcouldcalculatethecompleteconsequencesofmynotionIblurteditout。“Leadunderclothing，“saidI，andthemischiefwasdone。
Pyecraftreceivedthethingalmostintears。“Toberightwaysupagain——“hesaid。IgavehimthewholesecretbeforeIsawwhereitwouldtakeme。“Buysheetlead，“Isaid，“stampitintodiscs。
Sew’emalloveryourunderclothesuntilyouhaveenough。Havelead-soledboots，carryabagofsolidlead，andthethingisdone！
