第37章

类别:其他 作者:Robert Louis Stevenson字数:3494更新时间:18/12/27 09:07:25
MYDEARCOLVIN,-WehavehadquiteaninterestingmonthandmostlyinconsiderationofthatroadwhichIthinkItoldyouwasabouttobemade。Itwasmadewithoutahitch,thoughI confessIwasconsiderablysurprised。Whentheygotthrough,Iwroteaspeechtothem,sentitdowntoaMissionarytobetranslated,andinvitedthelottoafeast。Ithoughtagooddealofthisfeast。Theoccasionwasreallyinteresting。I wantedtopitchitinhot。AndIwishedtohaveasmanyinfluentialwitnessespresentaspossible。Well,asitdrewtowardsthedayIhadnothingbutrefusals。Everybodysupposeditwastobeapoliticaloccasion,thatIhadmadeahiveofrebelsuphere,andwasgoingtopushfornewhostilities。 TheAmanuensishasbeenill,andaftertheabovetrialpeteredout。Imustreturntomyown,loneWaverley。Thecaptainrefused,tellingmewhy;andatlastIhadtobeatupforpeoplealmostwithprayers。However,Igotagoodlot,asyouwillseebytheaccompanyingnewspaperreport。Theroadcontainedthisinscription,drawnupbythechiefsthemselves: ’THEROADOFGRATITUDE。’ ’ConsideringthegreatloveofTusitalainhislovingcareofusinourdistressintheprison,wehavethereforepreparedasplendidgift。Itshallneverbemuddy,itshallendureforever,thisroadthatwehavedug。’Thisthenewspaperreportercouldnotgive,notknowinganySamoan。ThesamereasonexplainshisreferencestoSeumanutafa’sspeech,whichwasnotlongandWASimportant,foritwasaspeechofcourtesyandforgivenesstohisformerenemies。Itwasverymuchapplauded。Secondly,itwasnotPoe,itwasMataafa(don’tconfusewithMataafa)whospokefortheprisoners。 Otherwiseitisextremelycorrect。 Ibegyourpardonforsomuchuponmyaboriginals。Evenyoumustsympathisewithmeinthisunheard-ofcompliment,andmyhavingbeenabletodeliversosevereasermonwithacceptance。ItremainsanicepointofconsciencewhatI shouldwishdoneinthematter。Ithinkthismeeting,itsimmediateresults,andthetermsofwhatIsaidtothem,desirabletobeknown。Itwilldoalittlejusticetome,whohavenothadtoomuchjusticedoneme。Atthesametime,tosendthisreporttothepapersistrulyanactofself- advertisement,andIdislikethethought。Query,inamanwhohasbeensomuchcalumniated,isthatnotjustifiable?I donotknow;bemyjudge。Mankindistoocomplicatedforme; evenmyself。DoIwishtoadvertise?IthinkIdo,Godhelpme!Ihavehadhardtimeshere,aseverymanmusthavewhomixesupwithpublicbusiness;andIbemoanmyself,knowingthatallIhavedonehasbeenintheinterestofpeaceandgoodgovernment;andhavingoncedeliveredmymind,Iwouldlikeit,Ithink,tobemadepublic。ButtheotherpartofmeREGIMBS。 IknowIamataclimactericforallmenwholivebytheirwits,soIdonotdespair。ButthetruthisIamprettynearlyuselessatliterature,andIwillaskyoutospareST。 IVESwhenitgoestoyou;itisasortofCOUNTROBERTOF PARIS。ButIhoperatheraDOMBEYANDSON,tobesucceededbyOURMUTUALFRIENDandGREATEXPECTATIONSandATALEOFTWO CITIES。Notoilhasbeensparedovertheungratefulcanvas; anditWILLNOTcometogether,andImustlive,andmyfamily。Wereitnotformyhealth,whichmadeitimpossible,IcouldnotfinditinmyhearttoforgivemyselfthatIdidnotsticktoanhonest,common-placetradewhenIwasyoung,whichmighthavenowsupportedmeduringtheseillyears。 Butdonotsupposemetobedowninanythingelse;only,forthenonce,myskilldesertsme,suchasitis,orwas。Itwasaverylittledoseofinspiration,andaprettylittletrickofstyle,longlost,improvedbythemostheroicindustry。Sofar,Ihavemanagedtopleasethejournalists。 ButIamafictitiousarticleandhavelongknownit。Iamreadbyjournalists,bymyfellow-novelists,andbyboys; withthese,INCIPITETEXPLICITmyvogue。Goodthinganyway! foritseemstohavesoldtheEdition。AndIlookforwardconfidentlytoanaftermath;Idonotthinkmyhealthcanbesohugelyimproved,withoutsomesubsequentimprovementinmybrains。Though,ofcourse,thereisthepossibilitythatliteratureisamorbidsecretion,andabhorshealth!IdonotthinkitispossibletohavefewerillusionsthanI。I sometimeswishIhadmore。Theyareamusing。ButIcannottakemyselfseriouslyasanartist;thelimitationsaresoobvious。Ididtakemyselfseriouslyasaworkmanofold,butmypracticehasfallenoff。Iamnowanidlerandcumbereroftheground;itmaybeexcusedtomeperhapsbytwentyyearsofindustryandill-health,whichhavetakenthecreamoffthemilk。 AsIwaswritingthislastsentence,Iheardthestridentraindrawingnearacrosstheforest,andbythetimeIwascometotheword’cream’itburstuponmyroof,andhassinceredoubled,androareduponit。Averywelcomechange。Allsmellsofthegoodwetearth,sweetly,withakindofHighlandtouch;thecrystalrodsoftheshower,asIlookup,havedrawntheircriss-crossovereverything;andagentleandverywelcomecoolnesscomesuparoundmeinlittledraughts,blesseddraughts,notchilling,onlyequalisingthetemperature。Nowtherainisoffinthisspot,butIhearitroaringstillinthenighneighbourhood-andthatmoment,I wasdrivenfromtheverandahbyrandomraindrops,spittingatmethroughtheJapaneseblinds。Thesearenottearswithwhichthepageisspotted!Nowthewindowsstream,theroofreverberates。Itisgood;itanswerssomethingwhichisinmyheart;Iknownotwhat;oldmemoriesofthewetmoorlandbelike。 Well,ithasblownbyagain,andIaminmyplaceoncemore,withanaccompanimentofperpetualdrippingontheverandah- andverymuchinclinedforachat。TheexactsubjectIdonotknow!Itwillbebitteratleast,andthatisstrange,formyattitudeisessentiallyNOTbitter,butIhavecomeintothesedayswhenamanseesabovealltheseamyside,andIhavedweltsometimeinasmallplacewherehehasanopportunityofreadinglittlemotivesthathewouldmissinthegreatworld,andindeed,to-day,Iamalmostreadytocalltheworldanerror。Because?BecauseIhavenotdruggedmyselfwithsuccessfulwork,andthereareallkindsoftriflesbuzzinginmyear,unfriendlytrifles,fromtheleasttothe-well,totheprettybig。AllthesethattouchmearePrettyBig;andyetnonetouchmeintheleast,ifrightlylookedat,excepttheoneeternalburthentogoonmakinganincome。IfIcouldfindaplacewhereIcouldliedownandgiveupfor(say)twoyears,andallowthesaintedpublictosupportme,ifitwerealunaticasylum,wouldn’tI go,just!Butwecan’thavebothextremesatonce,worseluck!Ishouldliketoputmysavingsintoaproprietarianinvestment,andretireinthemeanwhileintoacommunisticretreat,whichisdouble-dealing。Butyoumenwithsalariesdon’tknowhowafamilyweighsonafellow’smind。 Ihearthearticleinnextweek’sHERALDistobeagreataffair,andalltheofficialswhocametometheotherdayaretobeattacked!Thisistheunpleasantsideofbeing(withoutasalary)inpubliclife;Iwillleaveanyonetojudgeifmyspeechwaswellintended,andcalculatedtodogood。Itwasevendaring-IassureyouoneofthechiefslookedlikeafiendatmydescriptionofSamoanwarfare。 Yourwarningwasnotneeded;wearealldeterminedtoKEEP THEPEACEandtoHOLDOURPEACE。Iknow,mydearfellow,howremoteallthissounds!Kindlypardonyourfriend。Ihavemylifetolivehere;theseinterestsareformeimmediate; andifIdonotwriteofthem,Imightassoonnotwriteatall。Thereisthedifficultyinadistantcorrespondence。 Itisperhapseasyformetoenterintoandunderstandyourinterests;Iownitisdifficultforyou;butyoumustjustwadethroughthemforfriendship’ssake,andtrytofindtolerablewhatisvitalforyourfriend。Icannotforbearchallengingyoutoit,astointellectuallists。Itistheproofofintelligence,theproofofnotbeingabarbarian,tobeabletoenterintosomethingoutsideofoneself,somethingthatdoesnottouchone’snextneighbourinthecityomnibus。 Good-bye,mylord。Mayyourracecontinueandyouflourish- Yoursever,TUSITALA。 End