第35章

类别:其他 作者:Eleanor H。 Porter字数:4751更新时间:18/12/27 14:59:51
There’salittlemoreI’vegottosay,please。 Asifitweren’tbadenoughtodowhatyou’redoing_atall_,butyoumustneedstakeitatsuchatimeasthiswhen——whenherhusband_isn’t_ doingjustwhatheoughttodo,andweallknowit——it’ssounfairtotakehernow,andtryto—— towin——Andyouaren’tevenfairwithhim,’ sheprotestedtremulously。Youpretendtobehisfriend。Yougowithhimeverywhere。It’sjustasifyouwere_helping_to——topullhimdown。 You’reonewiththewholebunch。’(ThebloodsuddenlyrecededfromArkwright’sface,leavingitverywhite;butifAlicesawit,shepaidnoheed。)Everybodysaysyouare。Thentocomeherelikethis,onthesly,whenyouknowhecan’tbehere,I——Oh,can’tyouseewhatyou’redoing?’ Therewasamoment’spause,thenArkwrightspoke。Adeeppainlookedfromhiseyes。Hewasstillverypale,andhismouthhadsettledintosadlines。 Ithink,perhaps,itmaybejustaswellifI tellyouwhatI_am_doing——or,rather,tryingtodo,’hesaidquietly。 Thenhetoldher。 Andsoyousee,’headded,whenhehadfinishedthetale,Ihaven’treallyaccomplishedmuch,afterall,anditseemsthelittleIhaveaccomplishedhasonlyledtomybeingmisjudgedbyyou,mybestfriend。’ Alicegaveasobbingcry。Herfacewasscarlet。 Horror,shame,andreliefstruggledformasteryinhercountenance。 Oh,butIdidn’tknow,Ididn’tknow,’shemoaned,twistingherhandsnervously。Andnow,whenyou’vebeensobrave,sotrue——formetoaccuseyouof——Oh,canyou_ever_forgiveme?Butyousee,knowingthatyou_did_careforher,itdidlook——’Shechokedintosilence,andturnedawayherhead。 Heglancedathertenderly,mournfully。 Yes,’hesaid,afteraminute,inalowvoice。 Icanseehowitdidlook;andsoI’mgoingtotellyounowsomethingIhadmeantnevertotellyou。Therereallycouldn’thavebeenanythinginthat,yousee,forIfoundoutlongagothatitwasgone——whateverlovetherehadbeenfor—— Billy。’ Butyour——tigerskin!’ Oh,yes,Ithoughtitwasalive,’smiledArkwright,sadly,whenIaskedyoutohelpmefightit。Butoneday,verysuddenly,Idiscoveredthatitwasnothingbutadeadskinofdreamsandmemories。ButImadeanotherdiscovery,too。Ifoundthatjustbeyondlayanotherone,andthatwasverymuchalive。’ Anotherone?’Aliceturnedtohiminwonder。Butyouneveraskedmetohelpyoufight——thatone!’ Heshookhishead。 No;Icouldn’t,yousee。Youcouldn’thavehelpedme。You’donlyhavehinderedme。’ Hinderedyou?’ Yes。Yousee,itwasmylovefor——you,thatIwasfighting——then。’ Alicegavealowcryandflushedvividly;butArkwrighthurriedon,hiseyesturnedaway。 Oh,Iunderstand。Iknow。I’mnotaskingfor——anything。IheardsometimeagoofyourengagementtoCalderwell。I’vetriedmanytimestosaytheproper,expectedprettyspeeches,but——Icouldn’t。Iwillnow,though。Ido。 Youhaveallmytenderestbestwishesforyourhappiness——dear。IflongagoIhadn’tbeensuchablindfoolasnottoknowmyownheart——’ But——butthere’ssomemistake,’interposedAlice,palpitatingly,withhanginghead。 I——I’mnotengagedtoMr。Calderwell。’ Arkwrightturnedandsentakeenglanceintoherface。 You’re——not?’ No。’ ButIheardthatCalderwell——’Hestoppedhelplessly。 YouheardthatMr。Calderwellwasengaged,verylikely。But——itsohappensheisn’tengaged—— tome,’murmuredAlice,faintly。 But,longagoyousaid——’Arkwrightpaused,hiseyesstillkeenlysearchingherface。 NevermindwhatIsaid——longago,’laughedAlice,tryingunsuccessfullytomeethisgaze。 Onesayslotsofthings,attimes,youknow。’ IntoArkwright’seyescameanewlight,alightthatplainlyneededbutabreathtofanitintoquickfire。 Alice,’hesaidsoftly,doyoumeanthatmaybenow——Ineedn’ttrytofight——thatothertigerskin?’ Therewasnoanswer。 Arkwrightreachedoutapleadinghand。 Alice,dear,I’velovedyousolong,’hebeggedunsteadily。Don’tyouthinkthatsometime,ifIwasvery,verypatient,youcouldjust_begin_—— tocarealittleforme?’ Stilltherewasnoanswer。Then,slowly,Aliceshookherhead。Herfacewasturnedquiteaway——whichwasapity,forifArkwrightcouldhaveseenthesuddentendermischiefinhereyes,hisownwouldnothavebecomesosomber。 Notevenalittlebit?’ Icouldn’tever——begin,’answeredahalf- smotheredvoice。 Alice!’criedtheman,heart-brokenly。 Aliceturnednow,andforafleetinginstantlethimseehereyes,glowingwiththelovesolongkeptinrelentlessexile。 Icouldn’t,because,yousee-Ibegan—— longago,’shewhispered。 Alice!’Itwasthesamesingleword,butspokenwithaworldofdifference,forintoitnowwascrowdedallthegloryandthewonderofagreatlove。Alice!’breathedthemanagain; andthistimethewordwas,oh,sotenderlywhisperedintothelittlepinkandwhiteearofthegirlinhisarms。 Igotdelayed,’beganBilly,inthedoorway。 Oh-h!’shebrokeoff,beatingahushed,butprecipitate,retreat。 Fullythirtyminuteslater,Billycametothedooragain。Thistimeherapproachwasheraldedbyasnatchofsong。 Ihopeyou’llexcusemybeinggonesolong,’ shesmiled,assheenteredtheroomwherehertwoguestssatdecorouslyfacetofaceatthechess- table。 Well,youknowyousaidyou’dbegonetenminutes,’Arkwrightremindedher,politely。 Yes,IknowIdid。’AndBilly,tohercredit,didnotevensmileatthemanwhodidnotknowtenminutesfromfifty。 Afterall,itwasthebaby’shandthatdidit,aswasproper,andperhapstobeexpected;forsurely,wasitnotBertram,Jr。’splacetoshowhisparentsthathewas,indeed,noWedge,butadearandpreciousTiebindingtwoloving,loyalheartsmoreandmorecloselytogether?Itwouldseem,indeed,thatBertram,Jr。,thoughtso,perhaps,andverybravelyhesetaboutit; though,tocarryouthispurpose,hehadtoturnhisstepsintoanunfamiliarway——awayofpain,andweariness,anddanger。 ItwasArkwrightwhotoldBertramthatthebabywasverysick,andthatBillywantedhim。 Bertramwenthomeatoncetofindadistracted,white-facedBilly,andatwisted,pain-rackedlittlecreature,whoitwasalmostimpossibletobelievewasthehappy,laughingbabyboyhehadleftthatmorning。 ForthenexttwoweeksnothingwasthoughtofinthesilentoldBeaconStreethousebutthetinylittlelifehoveringsonearDeath’sdoorthattwiceitappearedtohaveslippedquiteacrossthethreshold。AllthroughthoseterribleweeksitseemedasifBillyneitheratenorslept;andalwaysatherside,comforting,cheering,andhelpingwhereverpossiblewasBertram,tender,loving,andmarvelouslythoughtful。 Thencametheturningpointwhentheuniverseitselfappearedtohanguponababy’sbreath。Gradually,almostimperceptibly,cametheflutteringbackofthetinyspiritintothelongingarmsstretchedsofar,farouttomeetandholdit。Andthefatherandthemother,lookingintoeachother’ssleepless,dark-ringedeyes,knewthattheirsonwasoncemoretheirstoloveandcherish。 WhentwohavegonetogetherwithadearonedownintotheValleyoftheShadowofDeath,andhavecomeback,eithermourningorrejoicing,theyfindadifferentworldfromtheonetheyhadleft。Thingsthatweregreatbeforeseemsmall,andsomethingsthatweresmallseemgreat。AtleastBertramandBillyfoundtheirworldthuschangedwhentogethertheycamebackbringingtheirsonwiththem。 Inthelongweeksofconvalescence,whenthehealthyrosinessstolebitbybitintothebaby’swaxenface,andthelightofrecognitionandunderstandingcreptdaybydayintothebaby’seyes,therewasmanyaquiethourforheart-to- hearttalksbetweenthetwowhosoanxiouslyandjoyouslyhailedeveryrosytintandfleetingsparkle。Andtherewassomuchtotell,somuchtohear,somuchtotalkabout!Andalways,runningthrougheverything,wasthatgoldenthreadofjoy,besidewhichallelsepaled——thattheyhadBabyandeachother。Asifanythingelsemattered! Tobesure,therewasBertram’sarm。VeryearlyintheirtalksBillyfoundoutaboutthat。 ButBilly,withBabygettingwell,wasnottobedaunted,evenbythis。 Nonsense,darling——notpaintagain,indeed!Why,Bertram,ofcourseyouwill,’shecriedconfidently。 But,Billy,thedoctorsaid,’beganBertram; butBillywouldnotevenlisten。 Verywell,whatifhedid,dear?’sheinterrupted。Whatifhedidsayyoucouldn’tuseyourrightarmmuchagain?’Billy’svoicebrokealittle,thenquicklysteadiedintosomethingverymuchliketriumph。You’vegotyourleftone!’ Bertramshookhishead。 Ican’tpaintwiththat。’ Yes,youcan,’insistedBilly,firmly。Why,Bertram,whatdoyousupposeyouweregiventwoarmsforifnottofightwithbothofthem? AndI’mgoingtobeeversomuchprouderofwhatyoupaintnow,becauseI’llknowhowsplendidlyyouworkedtodoit。Besides,there’sBaby。 Asifyouweren’tevergoingtopaintforBaby! Why,Bertram,I’mgoingtohaveyoupaintBaby,oneofthesedays。Thinkhowpleasedhe’llbetoseeitwhenhegrowsup!He’snicer,anyhow,thananyold`FaceofaGirl’youeverdid。 Paint?Why,Bertram,darling,ofcourseyou’regoingtopaint,andbetterthanyoueverdidbefore!’ Bertramshookhisheadagain;butthistimehesmiled,andpattedBilly’scheekwiththetipofhisforefinger。 AsifIcould!’hedisclaimed。Butthatafternoonhewentintohislong-desertedstudioandhunteduphislastunfinishedpicture。Forsometimehestoodmotionlessbeforeit;then,withaquickgestureofdetermination,hegotouthispalette,paints,andbrushes。Thistimenotuntilhehadpaintedten,adozen,ascoreofstrokes,didhedrophisbrushwithasighandcarefullyerasethefreshpaintonthecanvas。Thenextdayheworkedlonger,andthistimeheallowedalittle,averylittle,ofwhathehaddonetoremain。 ThethirddayBillyherselffoundhimathiseasel。 Iwonder——doyousupposeIcould?’heaskedfearfully。 Why,dearest,ofcourseyoucan!Haven’tyounoticed?Can’tyouseehowmuchmoreyoucandowithyourlefthandnow?You’ve_had_touseit,yousee。_I’ve_seenyoudoalotofthingswithit,lately,thatyouneverusedtodoatall。 And,ofcourse,themoreyoudowithit,themoreyoucan!’ Iknow;butthatdoesn’tmeanthatIcanpaintwithit,’sighedBertram,ruefullyeyeingthetinybitoffreshcolorhiscanvasshowedforhislongafternoon’swork。 Youwaitandsee,’noddedBilly,withsooverwhelmingacheeryconfidencethatBertram,lookingintoherglowingface,wasconsciousofacuriousthrobofexultation,almostasifalreadythevictorywerehis。 ButitwasnotalwaysofBertram’sbrokenarm,norevenofhisworkthattheytalked。Bertram,hangingoverthebaby’scribtoassurehimselfthattherosinessandthesparklewerereallygrowingmoreapparenteveryday,usedtowondersometimeshoweverintheworldhecouldhavebeenjealousofhisson。HesaidasmuchonedaytoBilly。 ToBillyitwasamostastoundingidea。