第2章

类别:其他 作者:Willa Cather字数:17544更新时间:19/01/02 10:33:28
\"IthoughtIsawyouinMacConnell’sboxwithMainhalloneevening,butIsupposedyouhadlefttownbeforethis。\" Shelookedathimfranklyandcordially,asifhewereindeedmerelyanoldfriendwhomshewasgladtomeetagain。 \"No,I’vebeenmooningabouthere。\" Hildalaughedgayly。\"Mooning!Iseeyoumooning!Youmustbethebusiestmanintheworld。Timeandsuccesshavedonewellbyyou,youknow。You’rehandsomerthaneverandyou’vegainedagrandmanner。\" Alexanderblushedandbowed。\"Timeandsuccesshavebeengoodfriendstobothofus。 Aren’tyoutremendouslypleasedwithyourself?\" Shelaughedagainandshruggedhershoulders。 \"Oh,so—so。ButIwanttohearaboutyou。 SeveralyearsagoIreadsuchalotinthepapersaboutthewonderfulthingsyoudidinJapan,andhowtheEmperordecoratedyou。 Whatwasit,CommanderoftheOrderoftheRisingSun?Thatsoundslike`TheMikado。’Andwhataboutyournewbridge—— inCanada,isn’tit,andit’stobethelongestoneintheworldandhassomequeernameI can’tremember。\" Bartleyshookhisheadandsmileddrolly。 \"Sincewhenhaveyoubeeninterestedinbridges?Orhaveyoulearnedtobeinterestedineverything?Andisthatapartofsuccess?\" \"Why,howabsurd!AsifIwerenotalwaysinterested!\"Hildaexclaimed。 \"Well,Ithinkwewon’ttalkaboutbridgeshere,atanyrate。\"Bartleylookeddownatthetoeofheryellowslipperwhichwastappingtherugimpatientlyunderthehemofhergown。 \"ButIwonderwhetheryou’dthinkmeimpertinentifIaskedyoutoletmecometoseeyousometimeandtellyouaboutthem?\" \"WhyshouldI?EversomanypeoplecomeonSundayafternoons。\" \"Iknow。Mainhallofferedtotakeme。 ButyoumustknowthatI’vebeeninLondonseveraltimeswithinthelastfewyears,andyoumightverywellthinkthatjustnowisaratherinopportunetime——\" Shecuthimshort。\"Nonsense。Oneofthepleasantestthingsaboutsuccessisthatitmakespeoplewanttolookoneup,ifthat’swhatyoumean。I’mlikeeveryoneelse—— moreagreeabletomeetwhenthingsaregoingwellwithme。Don’tyousupposeitgivesmeanypleasuretodosomethingthatpeoplelike?\" \"Doesit?Oh,howfineitallis,yourcomingonlikethis!ButIdidn’twantyoutothinkitwasbecauseofthatIwantedtoseeyou。\" Hespokeveryseriouslyandlookeddownatthefloor。 Hildastudiedhiminwide—eyedastonishmentforamoment,andthenbrokeintoalow,amusedlaugh。\"MydearMr。Alexander,youhavestrangedelicacies。Ifyouplease,thatisexactlywhyyouwishtoseeme。 Weunderstandthat,dowenot?\" Bartleylookedruffledandturnedthesealringonhislittlefingeraboutawkwardly。 Hildaleanedbackinherchair,watchinghimindulgentlyoutofhershrewdeyes。 \"Come,don’tbeangry,butdon’ttrytoposeforme,ortobeanythingbutwhatyouare。 Ifyoucaretocome,it’syourselfI’llbegladtosee,andyouthinkingwellofyourself。 Don’ttrytowearacloakofhumility;itdoesn’tbecomeyou。Stalkinasyouareanddon’tmakeexcuses。I’mnotaccustomedtoinquiringintothemotivesofmyguests。Thatwouldhardlybesafe,evenforLadyWalford,inagreathouselikethis。\" \"Sundayafternoon,then,\"saidAlexander,assherosetojoinherhostess。 \"HowearlymayIcome?\" Shegavehimherhandandflushedandlaughed。Hebentoveritalittlestiffly。 ShewentawayonLadyWalford’sarm,andashestoodwatchingheryellowtrainglidedownthelongfloorhelookedrathersullen。Hefeltthathehadnotcomeoutofitverybrilliantly。 CHAPTERIV OnSundayafternoonAlexanderrememberedMissBurgoyne’sinvitationandcalledatherapartment。Hefounditadelightfullittleplaceandhemetcharmingpeoplethere。 Hildalivedalone,attendedbyaveryprettyandcompetentFrenchservantwhoansweredthedoorandbroughtinthetea。Alexanderarrivedearly,andsometwenty—oddpeopledroppedinduringthecourseoftheafternoon。 HughMacConnellcamewithhissister,andstoodabout,managinghistea—cupawkwardlyandwatchingeveryoneoutofhisdeep—set,fadedeyes。Heseemedtohavemadearesoluteeffortattidinessofattire,andhissister,arobust,floridwomanwithasplendidjovialityabouther,kepteyeinghisfreshlycreasedclothesapprehensively。Itwasnotverylong,indeed,beforehiscoathungwithadiscouragedsagfromhisgauntshouldersandhishairandbeardwererumpledasifhehadbeenoutinagale。Hisdryhumorwentunderacloudofabsent—mindedkindlinesswhich,Mainhallexplained,alwaysovertookhimhere。Hewasneversowittyorsosharphereaselsewhere,andAlexanderthoughthebehavedasifhewereanelderlyrelativecomeintoayounggirl’sparty。 Theeditorofamonthlyreviewcamewithhiswife,andLadyKildare,theIrishphilanthropist,broughtheryoungnephew,RobertOwen,whohadcomeupfromOxford,andwhowasvisiblyexcitedandgratifiedbyhisfirstintroductiontoMissBurgoyne。 Hildawasverynicetohim,andhesatontheedgeofhischair,flushedwithhisconversationaleffortsandmovinghischinaboutnervouslyoverhishighcollar。 SarahFrost,thenovelist,camewithherhusband,averygenialandplacidoldscholarwhohadbecomeslightlyderangeduponthesubjectofthefourthdimension。Onothermattershewasperfectlyrationalandhewaseasyandpleasinginconversation。HelookedverymuchlikeAgassiz,andhiswife,inherold—fashionedblacksilkdress,overskirtedandtight—sleeved,remindedAlexanderoftheearlypicturesofMrs。Browning。Hildaseemedparticularlyfondofthisquaintcouple,andBartleyhimselfwassopleasedwiththeirmildandthoughtfulconversethathetookhisleavewhentheydid,andwalkedwiththemovertoOxfordStreet,wheretheywaitedfortheir’bus。TheyaskedhimtocometoseetheminChelsea,andtheyspokeverytenderlyofHilda。\"She’sadear,unworldlylittlething,\"saidthephilosopherabsently; \"morelikethestagepeopleofmyyoungdays—— folkofsimplemanners。Therearen’tmanysuchleft。 Americantourshavespoiledthem,I’mafraid。 Theyhaveallgrownverysmart。Lambwouldn’tcareagreatdealaboutmanyofthem,Ifancy。\" AlexanderwentbacktoBedfordSquareasecondSundayafternoon。HehadalongtalkwithMacConnell,buthegotnowordwithHildaalone,andheleftinadiscontentedstateofmind。Fortherestoftheweekhewasnervousandunsettled,andkeptrushinghisworkasifhewerepreparingforimmediatedeparture。OnThursdayafternoonhecutshortacommitteemeeting,jumpedintoahansom,anddrovetoBedfordSquare。 Hesentuphiscard,butitcamebacktohimwithamessagescribbledacrossthefront。 SosorryIcan’tseeyou。WillyoucomeanddinewithmeSundayeveningathalf—pastseven? H。B。 WhenBartleyarrivedatBedfordSquareonSundayevening,Marie,theprettylittleFrenchgirl,methimatthedoorandconductedhimupstairs。Hildawaswritinginherliving—room,underthelightofatalldesklamp。 BartleyrecognizedtheprimrosesatingownshehadwornthatfirsteveningatLadyWalford’s。 \"I’msopleasedthatyouthinkmeworththatyellowdress,youknow,\"hesaid,takingherhandandlookingheroveradmiringlyfromthetoesofhercanaryslipperstohersmoothlypartedbrownhair。\"Yes,it’svery,verypretty。EveryoneatLadyWalford’swaslookingatit。\" Hildacurtsied。\"Isthatwhyyouthinkitpretty?I’venoneedforfineclothesinMac’splaythistime,soIcanaffordafewduddiesformyself。It’sowingtothatsamechance,bytheway,thatIamabletoaskyoutodinner。 Idon’tneedMarietodressmethisseason,soshekeepshouseforme,andmylittleGalwaygirlhasgonehomeforavisit。IshouldneverhaveaskedyouifMollyhadbeenhere,forIrememberyoudon’tlikeEnglishcookery。\" Alexanderwalkedabouttheroom,lookingateverything。 \"Ihaven’thadachanceyettotellyouwhatajollylittleplaceIthinkthisis。 Wheredidyougetthoseetchings? They’requiteunusual,aren’tthey?\" \"LadyWestmeresentthemtomefromRomelastChristmas。SheisverymuchinterestedintheAmericanartistwhodidthem。 TheyareallsketchesmadeabouttheVillad’Este,yousee。HepaintedthatgroupofcypressesfortheSalon,anditwasboughtfortheLuxembourg。\" Alexanderwalkedovertothebookcases。 \"It’stheairofthewholeplaceherethatIlike。Youhaven’tgotanythingthatdoesn’tbelong。Seemstomeitlooksparticularlywellto—night。Andyouhavesomanyflowers。 Iliketheselittleyellowirises。\" \"Roomsalwayslookbetterbylamplight——inLondon,atleast。ThoughMarieisclean——reallyclean,astheFrenchare。Whydoyoulookattheflowerssocritically?MariegotthemallfreshinCoventGardenmarketyesterdaymorning。\" \"I’mglad,\"saidAlexandersimply。 \"Ican’ttellyouhowgladIamtohaveyousoprettyandcomfortablehere,andtoheareveryonesayingsuchnicethingsaboutyou。 You’vegotawfullynicefriends,\"headdedhumbly,pickingupalittlejadeelephantfromherdesk。\"Thosefellowsareallveryloyal,evenMainhall。Theydon’ttalkofanyoneelseastheydoofyou。\" Hildasatdownonthecouchandsaidseriously:\"I’veaneatlittlesuminthebank,too,now,andIownamiteofahutinGalway。It’snotworthmuch,butIloveit。 I’vemanagedtosavesomethingeveryyear,andthatwithhelpingmythreesistersnowandthen,andtidingpoorCousinMikeoverbadseasons。He’sthatgifted,youknow,buthewilldrinkandlosesmoregoodengagementsthanotherfellowseverget。 AndI’vetraveledabit,too。\" Marieopenedthedoorandsmilinglyannouncedthatdinnerwasserved。 \"Mydining—room,\"Hildaexplained,assheledtheway,\"isthetiniestplaceyouhaveeverseen。\" Itwasatinyroom,hungallroundwithFrenchprints,abovewhichranashelffullofchina。HildasawAlexanderlookupatit。 \"It’snotparticularlyrare,\"shesaid,\"butsomeofitwasmymother’s。Heavenknowshowshemanagedtokeepitwhole,throughallourwanderings,orinwhatbasketsandbundlesandtheatretrunksithasn’tbeenstowedaway。 WealwayshadourteaoutofthosebluecupswhenIwasalittlegirl,sometimesinthequeerestlodgings,andsometimesonatrunkatthetheatre——queertheatres,forthatmatter。\" Itwasawonderfullittledinner。Therewaswatercresssoup,andsole,andadelightfulomelettestuffedwithmushroomsandtruffles,andtwosmallrareducklings,andartichokes,andadryyellowRhonewineofwhichBartleyhadalwaysbeenveryfond。Hedrankitappreciativelyandremarkedthattherewasstillnootherhelikedsowell。 \"Ihavesomechampagneforyou,too。I don’tdrinkitmyself,butIliketoseeitbehavewhenit’spoured。Thereisnothingelsethatlookssojolly。\" \"Thankyou。ButIdon’tlikeitsowellasthis。\"Bartleyheldtheyellowwineagainstthelightandsquintedintoitasheturnedtheglassslowlyabout。\"Youhavetraveled,yousay。HaveyoubeeninParismuchtheselateyears?\" Hildaloweredoneofthecandle—shadescarefully。\"Oh,yes,IgoovertoParisoften。 TherearefewchangesintheoldQuarter。 DearoldMadameAngerisdead——butperhapsyoudon’trememberher?\" \"Don’tI,though!I’msosorrytohearit。 Howdidhersonturnout?Irememberhowshesavedandscrapedforhim,andhowhealwayslayabedtillteno’clock。HewasthelaziestfellowattheBeauxArts;andthat’ssayingagooddeal。\" \"Well,heisstillcleverandlazy。Theysayheisagoodarchitectwhenhewillwork。 He’sabig,handsomecreature,andhehatesAmericansasmuchasever。ButAngel——doyourememberAngel?\" \"Perfectly。DidsheevergetbacktoBrittanyandherbainsdemer?\" \"Ah,no。PoorAngel!ShegottiredofcookingandscouringthecoppersinMadameAnger’slittlekitchen,sosheranawaywithasoldier,andthenwithanothersoldier。 Toobad!ShestilllivesabouttheQuarter,and,thoughthereisalwaysasoldat,shehasbecomeablanchisseusedefin。ShedidmyblousesbeautifullythelasttimeIwasthere,andwassodelightedtoseemeagain。Igaveherallmyoldclothes,evenmyoldhats,thoughshealwayswearsherBretonheaddress。Herhairisstilllikeflax,andherblueeyesarejustlikeababy’s,andshehasthesamethreefrecklesonherlittlenose,andtalksaboutgoingbacktoherbainsdemer。\" BartleylookedatHildaacrosstheyellowlightofthecandlesandbrokeintoalow,happylaugh。\"Howjollyitwasbeingyoung,Hilda!DoyourememberthatfirstwalkwetooktogetherinParis?WewalkeddowntothePlaceSaint—Micheltobuysomelilacs。 Doyourememberhowsweettheysmelled?\" \"IndeedIdo。Come,we’llhaveourcoffeeintheotherroom,andyoucansmoke。\" Hildarosequickly,asifshewishedtochangethedriftoftheirtalk,butBartleyfounditpleasanttocontinueit。 \"Whatawarm,softspringeveningthatwas,\"hewenton,astheysatdowninthestudywiththecoffeeonalittletablebetweenthem;\"andthesky,overthebridges,wasjustthecolorofthelilacs。Wewalkedondownbytheriver,didn’twe?\" Hildalaughedandlookedathimquestioningly。 Hesawagleaminhereyesthatherememberedevenbetterthantheepisodehewasrecalling。 \"Ithinkwedid,\"sheanswereddemurely。 \"ItwasontheQuaiwemetthatwomanwhowascryingsobitterly。Igaveherasprayoflilac,Iremember,andyougaveherafranc。Iwasfrightenedatyourprodigality。\" \"IexpectitwasthelastfrancIhad。 Whatastrongbrownfaceshehad,andverytragic。Shelookedatuswithsuchdespairandlonging,outfromunderherblackshawl。 Whatshewantedfromuswasneitherourflowersnorourfrancs,butjustouryouth。 Irememberittouchedmeso。Iwouldhavegivenhersomeofmineoffmyback,ifIcould。 Ihadenoughandtosparethen,\"Bartleymused,andlookedthoughtfullyathiscigar。 Theywerebothrememberingwhatthewomanhadsaidwhenshetookthemoney: \"Godgiveyouahappylove!\"Itwasnotintheingratiatingtoneofthehabitualbeggar: ithadcomeoutofthedepthsofthepoorcreature’ssorrow,vibratingwithpityfortheiryouthanddespairattheterriblenessofhumanlife; ithadtheanguishofavoiceofprophecy。 Untilshespoke,Bartleyhadnotrealizedthathewasinlove。Thestrangewoman,andherpassionatesentencethatrangoutsosharply,hadfrightenedthemboth。 Theywenthomesadlywiththelilacs,backtotheRueSaint—Jacques,walkingveryslowly,arminarm。WhentheyreachedthehousewhereHildalodged,Bartleywentacrossthecourtwithher,andupthedarkoldstairstothethirdlanding;andtherehehadkissedherforthefirsttime。Hehadshuthiseyestogivehimthecourage,heremembered,andshehadtrembledso—— BartleystartedwhenHildarangthelittlebellbesideher。\"Dearme,whydidyoudothat?Ihadquiteforgotten——Iwasbackthere。 Itwasveryjolly,\"hemurmuredlazily,asMariecameintotakeawaythecoffee。 Hildalaughedandwentovertothepiano。\"Well,weareneitherofustwentynow,youknow。HaveItoldyouaboutmynewplay?Maciswritingone;reallyformethistime。Yousee,I’mcomingon。\" \"I’veseennothingelse。Whatkindofapartisit?Shallyouwearyellowgowns? Ihopeso。\" Hewaslookingatherroundslenderfigure,asshestoodbythepiano,turningoverapileofmusic,andhefelttheenergyineverylineofit。 \"No,itisn’tadress—uppart。Hedoesn’tseemtofancymeinfinefeathers。HesaysIoughttobemindingthepigsathome,andI supposeIought。Buthe’sgivenmesomegoodIrishsongs。Listen。\" Shesatdownatthepianoandsang。 Whenshefinished,Alexandershookhimselfoutofareverie。 \"Sing`TheHarpThatOnce,’Hilda。 Youusedtosingitsowell。\" \"Nonsense。OfcourseIcan’treallysing,exceptthewaymymotherandgrandmotherdidbeforeme。Mostactressesnowadayslearntosingproperly,soItriedamaster; butheconfusedme,just!\" Alexanderlaughed。\"Allthesame,singit,Hilda。\" Hildastartedupfromthestoolandmovedrestlesslytowardthewindow。 \"It’sreallytoowarminthisroomtosing。 Don’tyoufeelit?\" Alexanderwentoverandopenedthewindowforher。\"Aren’tyouafraidtoletthewindlowlikethatonyourneck?Can’tIgetascarforsomething?\" \"Askatheatreladyifshe’safraidofdrafts!\" Hildalaughed。\"Butperhaps,asI’msowarm—— givemeyourhandkerchief。There,justinfront。\" Heslippedthecornerscarefullyunderhershoulder—straps。 \"There,thatwilldo。Itlookslikeabib。\" Shepushedhishandawayquicklyandstoodlookingoutintothedesertedsquare。 \"Isn’tLondonatombonSundaynight?\" Alexandercaughttheagitationinhervoice。 Hestoodalittlebehindher,andtriedtosteadyhimselfashesaid:\"It’ssoftandmisty。 Seehowwhitethestarsare。\" ForalongtimeneitherHildanorBartleyspoke。 Theystoodclosetogether,lookingoutintothewan,waterysky,breathingalwaysmorequicklyandlightly,anditseemedasifalltheclocksintheworldhadstopped。 Suddenlyhemovedtheclenchedhandheheldbehindhimanddroppeditviolentlyathisside。Hefeltatremorrunthroughtheslenderyellowfigureinfrontofhim。 Shecaughthishandkerchieffromherthroatandthrustitathimwithoutturninground。\"Here,takeit。Youmustgonow,Bartley。Good—night。\" Bartleyleanedoverhershoulder,withouttouchingher,andwhisperedinherear: \"Youaregivingmeachance?\" \"Yes。Takeitandgo。Thisisn’tfair,youknow。Good—night。\" Alexanderunclenchedthetwohandsathissides。Withonehethrewdownthewindowandwiththeother——stillstandingbehindher——hedrewherbackagainsthim。 Sheutteredalittlecry,threwherarmsoverherhead,anddrewhisfacedowntohers。 \"Areyougoingtoletmeloveyoualittle,Bartley?\" shewhispered。 CHAPTERV ItwastheafternoonofthedaybeforeChristmas。 Mrs。Alexanderhadbeendrivingaboutallthemorning,leavingpresentsatthehousesofherfriends。 Shelunchedalone,andassherosefromthetableshespoketothebutler:\"Thomas,IamgoingdowntothekitchennowtoseeNorah。Inhalfanhouryouaretobringthegreensupfromthecellarandputtheminthelibrary。Mr。Alexanderwillbehomeatthreetohangthemhimself。 Don’tforgetthestepladder,andplentyoftacksandstring。Youmaybringtheazaleasupstairs。 TakethewhiteonetoMr。Alexander’sstudy。 Putthetwopinkonesinthisroom,andtheredoneinthedrawing—room。\" Alittlebeforethreeo’clockMrs。Alexanderwentintothelibrarytoseethateverythingwasready。Shepulledthewindowshadeshigh,fortheweatherwasdarkandstormy,andtherewaslittlelight,eveninthestreets。 Afootofsnowhadfallenduringthemorning,andthewidespaceovertheriverwasthickwithflyingflakesthatfellandwreathedthemassesoffloatingice。 Winifredwasstandingbythewindowwhensheheardthefrontdooropen。ShehurriedtothehallasAlexandercamestampingin,coveredwithsnow。Hekissedherjoyfullyandbrushedawaythesnowthatfellonherhair。 \"IwishIhadaskedyoutomeetmeattheofficeandwalkhomewithme,Winifred。 TheCommonisbeautiful。Theboyshavesweptthesnowoffthepondandareskatingfuriously。 Didthecyclamenscome?\" \"Anhourago。Whatsplendidones! Butaren’tyoufrightfullyextravagant?\" \"NotforChristmas—time。I’llgoupstairsandchangemycoat。Ishallbedowninamoment。 TellThomastogeteverythingready。\" WhenAlexanderreappeared,hetookhiswife’sarmandwentwithherintothelibrary。 \"Whendidtheazaleasgethere? Thomashasgotthewhiteoneinmyroom。\" \"Itoldhimtoputitthere。\" \"But,Isay,it’smuchthefinestofthelot!\" \"That’swhyIhaditputthere。Thereistoomuchcolorinthatroomforaredone,youknow。\" Bartleybegantosortthegreens。\"Itlooksverysplendidthere,butIfeelpiggishtohaveit。However,wereallyspendmoretimetherethananywhereelseinthehouse。 Willyouhandmetheholly?\" Heclimbedupthestepladder,whichcreakedunderhisweight,andbegantotwistthetoughstemsofthehollyintotheframe— workofthechandelier。 \"IforgottotellyouthatIhadaletterfromWilson,thismorning,explaininghistelegram。HeiscomingonbecauseanolduncleupinVermonthasconvenientlydiedandleftWilsonalittlemoney——somethingliketenthousand。He’scomingontosettleuptheestate。Won’titbejollytohavehim?\" \"Andhowfinethathe’scomeintoalittlemoney。IcanseehimpostingdownStateStreettothesteamshipoffices。Hewillgetagoodmanytripsoutofthattenthousand。 Whatcanhavedetainedhim?Iexpectedhimhereforluncheon。\" \"ThosetrainsfromAlbanyarealwayslate。He’llbealongsometimethisafternoon。 Andnow,don’tyouwanttogoupstairsandliedownforanhour?You’vehadabusymorningandIdon’twantyoutobetiredto—night。\" AfterhiswifewentupstairsAlexanderworkedenergeticallyatthegreensforafewmoments。Then,ashewascuttingoffalengthofstring,hesighedsuddenlyandsatdown,staringoutofthewindowatthesnow。 Theanimationdiedoutofhisface,butinhiseyestherewasarestlesslight,alookofapprehensionandsuspense。Hekeptclaspingandunclaspinghisbighandsasifheweretryingtorealizesomething。Theclocktickedthroughtheminutesofahalf—hourandtheafternoonoutsidebegantothickenanddarkenturbidly。Alexander,sincehefirstsatdown,hadnotchangedhisposition。Heleanedforward,hishandsbetweenhisknees,scarcelybreathing,asifhewereholdinghimselfawayfromhissurroundings,fromtheroom,andfromtheverychairinwhichhesat,fromeverythingexceptthewildeddiesofsnowabovetheriveronwhichhiseyeswerefixedwithfeverishintentness,asifheweretryingtoprojecthimselfthither。WhenatlastLuciusWilsonwasannounced,Alexandersprangeagerlytohisfeetandhurriedtomeethisoldinstructor。 \"Hello,Wilson。Whatluck!Comeintothelibrary。Wearetohavealotofpeopletodinnerto—night,andWinifred’slyingdown。 Youwillexcuseher,won’tyou?Andnowwhataboutyourself?Sitdownandtellmeeverything。\" \"IthinkI’drathermoveabout,ifyoudon’tmind。 I’vebeensittinginthetrainforaweek,itseemstome。\"Wilsonstoodbeforethefirewithhishandsbehindhimandlookedabouttheroom。\"YouHAVEbeenbusy。 Bartley,ifI’dhadmychoiceofallpossibleplacesinwhichtospendChristmas,yourhousewouldcertainlybetheplaceI’dhavechosen。 Happypeopledoagreatdealfortheirfriends。 Ahouselikethisthrowsitswarmthout。 IfeltitdistinctlyasIwascomingthroughtheBerkshires。IcouldscarcelybelievethatIwastoseeMrs。Bartleyagainsosoon。\" \"Thankyou,Wilson。She’llbeasgladtoseeyou。Shallwehaveteanow?I’llringforThomastoclearawaythislitter。 WinifredsaysIalwayswreckthehousewhenItrytodoanything。Doyouknow,Iamquitetired。 LooksasifIwerenotusedtowork,doesn’tit?\" Alexanderlaughedanddroppedintoachair。 \"Youknow,I’msailingthedayafterNewYear’s。\" \"Again?Why,you’vebeenovertwicesinceIwashereinthespring,haven’tyou?\" \"Oh,IwasinLondonabouttendaysinthesummer。Wenttoescapethehotweathermorethananythingelse。Ishan’tbegonemorethanamonththistime。WinifredandI havebeenupinCanadaformostoftheautumn。ThatMoorlockBridgeisonmybackallthetime。Ineverhadsomuchtroublewithajobbefore。\"Alexandermovedaboutrestlesslyandfelltopokingthefire。 \"Haven’tIseeninthepapersthatthereissometroubleaboutatidewaterbridgeofyoursinNewJersey?\" \"Oh,thatdoesn’tamounttoanything。 It’sheldupbyasteelstrike。Abother,ofcourse,butthesortofthingoneisalwayshavingtoputupwith。ButtheMoorlockBridgeisacontinualanxiety。Yousee,thetruthis,wearehavingtobuildprettywelltothestrainlimitupthere。They’vecrowdedmetoomuchonthecost。It’sallverywellifeverythinggoeswell,buttheseestimateshaveneverbeenusedforanythingofsuchlengthbefore。However,there’snothingtobedone。 TheyholdmetothescaleI’veusedinshorterbridges。Thelastthingabridgecommissioncaresaboutisthekindofbridgeyoubuild。\" WhenBartleyhadfinisheddressingfordinnerhewentintohisstudy,wherehefoundhiswifearrangingflowersonhiswriting—table。 \"ThesepinkrosesjustcamefromMrs。Hastings,\" shesaid,smiling,\"andIamsureshemeantthemforyou。\" Bartleylookedaboutwithanairofsatisfactionatthegreensandthewreathsinthewindows。 \"Haveyouamoment,Winifred?IhavejustnowbeenthinkingthatthisisourtwelfthChristmas。 Canyourealizeit?\"Hewentuptothetableandtookherhandsawayfromtheflowers,dryingthemwithhispockethandkerchief。 \"They’vebeenawfullyhappyones,allofthem,haven’tthey?\"Hetookherinhisarmsandbentback,liftingheralittleandgivingheralongkiss。 \"Youarehappy,aren’tyouWinifred?Morethananythingelseintheworld,Iwantyoutobehappy。 Sometimes,oflate,I’vethoughtyoulookedasifyouweretroubled。\" \"No;it’sonlywhenyouaretroubledandharassedthatIfeelworried,Bartley。 Iwishyoualwaysseemedasyoudoto—night。 Butyoudon’t,always。\"Shelookedearnestlyandinquiringlyintohiseyes。 Alexandertookhertwohandsfromhisshouldersandswungthembackandforthinhisown,laughinghisbigblondlaugh。 \"I’mgrowingolder,mydear;that’swhatyoufeel。Now,mayIshowyousomething? Imeanttosavethemuntilto—morrow,butI wantyoutowearthemto—night。\"Hetookalittleleatherboxoutofhispocketandopenedit。Onthewhitevelvetlaytwolongpendantsofcuriouslyworkedgold,setwithpearls。 WinifredlookedfromtheboxtoBartleyandexclaimed:—— \"Wheredidyoueverfindsuchgoldwork,Bartley?\" \"It’soldFlemish。Isn’titfine?\" \"Theyarethemostbeautifulthings,dear。 But,youknow,Ineverwearearrings。\" \"Yes,yes,Iknow。ButIwantyoutowearthem。Ihavealwayswantedyouto。 Sofewwomencan。Theremustbeagoodear,tobeginwith,andanose\"——hewavedhishand——\"abovereproach。Mostwomenlooksillyinthem。Theygoonlywithfaceslikeyours——very,veryproud,andjustalittlehard。\" Winifredlaughedasshewentovertothemirrorandfittedthedelicatespringstothelobesofherears。\"Oh,Bartley,thatoldfoolishnessaboutmybeinghard。Itreallyhurtsmyfeelings。ButImustgodownnow。 Peoplearebeginningtocome。\" Bartleydrewherarmabouthisneckandwenttothedoorwithher。\"Nothardtome,Winifred,\" hewhispered。\"Never,neverhardtome。\" Leftalone,hepacedupanddownhisstudy。Hewasathomeagain,amongallthedearfamiliarthingsthatspoketohimofsomanyhappyyears。Hishouseto—nightwouldbefullofcharmingpeople,wholikedandadmiredhim。Yetallthetime,underneathhispleasureandhopefulnessandsatisfaction,hewasconsciousofthevibrationofanunnaturalexcitement。Amidthislightandwarmthandfriendliness,hesometimesstartedandshuddered,asifsomeonehadsteppedonhisgrave。 Somethinghadbrokenlooseinhimofwhichheknewnothingexceptthatitwassullenandpowerful,andthatitwrungandtorturedhim。 Sometimesitcameuponhimsoftly,inenervatingreveries。 Sometimesitbatteredhimlikethecannonrollingintheholdofthevessel。Always,now,itbroughtwithitasenseofquickenedlife,ofstimulatingdanger。 To—nightitcameuponhimsuddenly,ashewaswalkingthefloor,afterhiswifelefthim。 Itseemedimpossible;hecouldnotbelieveit。 Heglancedentreatinglyatthedoor,asiftocallherback。Heheardvoicesinthehallbelow,andknewthathemustgodown。Goingovertothewindow,helookedoutatthelightsacrosstheriver。 Howcouldthishappenhere,inhisownhouse,amongthethingsheloved?Whatwasitthatreachedinoutofthedarknessandthrilledhim?Ashestoodtherehehadafeelingthathewouldneverescape。Heshuthiseyesandpressedhisforeheadagainstthecoldwindowglass,breathinginthechillthatcamethroughit。\"Thatthis,\"hegroaned,\"thatthisshouldhavehappenedtoME!\" OnNewYear’sdayathawsetin,andduringthenighttorrentsofrainfell。 Inthemorning,themorningofAlexander’sdepartureforEngland,theriverwasstreakedwithfogandtheraindrovehardagainstthewindowsofthebreakfast—room。Alexanderhadfinishedhiscoffeeandwaspacingupanddown。Hiswifesatatthetable,watchinghim。Shewaspaleandunnaturallycalm。 WhenThomasbroughttheletters,Bartleysankintohischairandranthemoverrapidly。 \"Here’sanotefromoldWilson。He’ssafebackathisgrind,andsayshehadabullytime。 `ThememoryofMrs。Bartleywillmakemywholewinterfragrant。’Justlikehim。 Hewillgoongettingmeasurelesssatisfactionoutofyoubyhisstudyfire。Whatamanheisforlookingonatlife!\"Bartleysighed,pushedthelettersbackimpatiently,andwentovertothewindow。\"Thisisanastysortofdaytosail。I’veanotiontocallitoff。Nextweekwouldbetimeenough。\" \"Thatwouldonlymeanstartingtwice。 Itwouldn’treallyhelpyououtatall,\" Mrs。Alexanderspokesoothingly。\"Andyou’dcomebacklateforallyourengagements。\" Bartleybeganjinglingsomeloosecoinsinhispocket。\"Iwishthingswouldletmerest。 I’mtiredofwork,tiredofpeople,tiredoftrailingabout。\"Helookedoutatthestorm—beatenriver。 Winifredcameupbehindhimandputahandonhisshoulder。\"That’swhatyoualwayssay,poorBartley!Atbottomyoureallylikeallthesethings。Can’tyourememberthat?\" Heputhisarmabouther。\"Allthesame,liferunssmoothlyenoughwithsomepeople,andwithmeit’salwaysamessysortofpatchwork。 It’slikethesong;peaceiswhereIamnot。 Howcanyoufaceitallwithsomuchfortitude?\" ShelookedathimwiththatcleargazewhichWilsonhadsomuchadmired,whichhehadfeltimpliedsuchhighconfidenceandfearlesspride。\"Oh,Ifacedthatlongago,whenyouwereonyourfirstbridge,upatoldAllway。Iknewthenthatyourpathswerenottobepathsofpeace,butIdecidedthatIwantedtofollowthem。\" Bartleyandhiswifestoodsilentforalongtime;thefirecrackledinthegrate,therainbeatinsistentlyuponthewindows,andthesleepyAngoralookedupatthemcuriously。 PresentlyThomasmadeadiscreetsoundatthedoor。 \"ShallEdwardbringdownyourtrunks,sir?\" \"Yes;theyareready。Tellhimnottoforgetthebigportfolioonthestudytable。\" Thomaswithdrew,closingthedoorsoftly。 Bartleyturnedawayfromhiswife,stillholdingherhand。\"Itnevergetsanyeasier,Winifred。\" Theybothstartedatthesoundofthecarriageonthepavementoutside。Alexandersatdownandleanedhisheadonhishand。 Hiswifebentoverhim。\"Courage,\"shesaidgayly。Bartleyroseandrangthebell。Thomasbroughthimhishatandstickandulster。Atthesightofthese,thesuperciliousAngoramovedrestlessly,quittedherredcushionbythefire,andcameup,wavinghertailinvexationattheseominousindicationsofchange。Alexanderstoopedtostrokeher,andthenplungedintohiscoatanddrewonhisgloves。Hiswifeheldhisstick,smiling。 Bartleysmiledtoo,andhiseyescleared。 \"I’llworklikethedevil,Winifred,andbehomeagainbeforeyourealizeI’vegone。\"Hekissedherquicklyseveraltimes,hurriedoutofthefrontdoorintotherain,andwavedtoherfromthecarriagewindowasthedriverwasstartinghismelancholy,drippingblackhorses。Alexandersatwithhishandsclenchedonhisknees。Asthecarriageturnedupthehill,heliftedonehandandbroughtitdownviolently。 \"Thistime\"——hespokealoudandthroughhissetteeth—— \"thistimeI’mgoingtoendit!\" Ontheafternoonofthethirddayout,Alexanderwassittingwelltothestern,onthewindwardsidewherethechairswerefew,hisrugsoverhimandthecollarofhisfur—linedcoatturnedupabouthisears。 Theweatherhadsofarbeendarkandraw。 Fortwohourshehadbeenwatchingthelow,dirtyskyandthebeatingoftheheavyrainupontheiron—coloredsea。Therewasalong,oilyswellthatmadeexerciselaborious。 Thedeckssmelledofdampwoolens,andtheairwassohumidthatdropsofmoisturekeptgatheringuponhishairandmustache。 Heseldommovedexcepttobrushthemaway。 Thegreatopenspacesmadehimpassiveandtherestlessnessofthewaterquietedhim。 Heintendedduringthevoyagetodecideuponacourseofaction,butheheldallthisawayfromhimforthepresentandlayinablessedgrayoblivion。Deepdowninhimsomewherehisresolutionwasweakeningandstrengthening,ebbingandflowing。Thethingthatperturbedhimwentonassteadilyashispulse,buthewasalmostunconsciousofit。 Hewassubmergedinthevastimpersonalgraynessabouthim,andatintervalsthesidelongrolloftheboatmeasuredofftimelikethetickingofaclock。Hefeltreleasedfromeverythingthattroubledandperplexedhim。Itwasasifhehadtrickedandoutwittedtorturingmemories,hadactuallymanagedtogetonboardwithoutthem。 Hethoughtofnothingatall。Ifhismindnowandagainpickedafaceoutofthegrayness,itwasLuciusWilson’s,orthefaceofanoldschoolmate,forgottenforyears;oritwastheslimoutlineofafavoritegreyhoundheusedtohuntjack—rabbitswithwhenhewasaboy。 Towardsixo’clockthewindroseandtuggedatthetarpaulinandbroughttheswellhigher。AfterdinnerAlexandercamebacktothewetdeck,piledhisdamprugsoverhimagain,andsatsmoking,losinghimselfintheobliteratingblacknessanddrowsingintherushofthegale。Beforehewentbelowafewbrightstarswereprickedoffbetweenheavilymovingmassesofcloud。 Thenextmorningwasbrightandmild,withafreshbreeze。Alexanderfelttheneedofexerciseevenbeforehecameoutofhiscabin。Whenhewentondecktheskywasblueandblinding,withheavywhiffsofwhitecloud,smoke—coloredattheedges,movingrapidlyacrossit。Thewaterwasroughish,acold,clearindigobreakingintowhitecaps。 Bartleywalkedfortwohours,andthenstretchedhimselfinthesununtillunch—time。 IntheafternoonhewrotealonglettertoWinifred。Later,ashewalkedthedeckthroughasplendidgoldensunset,hisspiritsrosecontinually。Itwasagreeabletocometohimselfagainafterseveraldaysofnumbnessandtorpor。Hestayedoutuntilthelasttingeofviolethadfadedfromthewater。Therewasliterallyatasteoflifeonhislipsashesatdowntodinnerandorderedabottleofchampagne。 Hewaslateinfinishinghisdinner,anddrankrathermorewinethanhehadmeantto。Whenhewentabove,thewindhadrisenandthedeckwasalmostdeserted。Ashesteppedoutofthedooragaleliftedhisheavyfurcoatabouthisshoulders。Hefoughthiswayupthedeckwithkeenexhilaration。 Themomenthestepped,almostoutofbreath,behindtheshelterofthestern,thewindwascutoff,andhefelt,likearushofwarmair,asenseofcloseandintimatecompanionship。 Hestartedbackandtorehiscoatopenasifsomethingwarmwereactuallyclingingtohimbeneathit。Hehurriedupthedeckandwentintothesaloonparlor,fullofwomenwhohadretreatedthitherfromthesharpwind。 Hethrewhimselfuponthem。Hetalkeddelightfullytotheolderonesandplayedaccompanimentsfortheyoungeronesuntilthelastsleepygirlhadfollowedhermotherbelow。Thenhewentintothesmoking—room。 Heplayedbridgeuntiltwoo’clockinthemorning,andmanagedtoloseaconsiderablesumofmoneywithoutreallynoticingthathewasdoingso。 Afterthebreakofonefinedaytheweatherwasprettyconsistentlydull。 Whenthelowskythinnedatrifle,thepalewhitespotofasundidnomorethanthrowabluishlustreonthewater,givingitthedarkbrightnessofnewlycutlead。ThroughoneafteranotherofthosegraydaysAlexanderdrowsedandmused,drinkinginthegratefulmoisture。Butthecompletepeaceofthefirstpartofthevoyagewasover。 Sometimesherosesuddenlyfromhischairasifdrivenout,andpacedthedeckforhours。Peoplenoticedhispropensityforwalkinginroughweather,andwatchedhimcuriouslyashedidhisrounds。Fromhisabstractionandthedeterminedsetofhisjaw,theyfanciedhemustbethinkingabouthisbridge。EveryonehadheardofthenewcantileverbridgeinCanada。 ButAlexanderwasnotthinkingabouthiswork。 Afterthefourthnightout,whenhiswillsuddenlysoftenedunderhishands,hehadbeencontinuallyhammeringawayathimself。 Moreandmoreoften,whenhefirstwakenedinthemorningorwhenhesteppedintoawarmplaceafterbeingchilledonthedeck,hefeltasuddenpainfuldelightatbeingneareranothershore。Sometimeswhenhewasmostdespondent,whenhethoughthimselfwornoutwiththisstruggle,inaflashhewasfreeofitandleapedintoanoverwhelmingconsciousnessofhimself。Ontheinstanthefeltthatmarvelousreturnoftheimpetuousness,theintenseexcitement,theincreasingexpectancyofyouth。 CHAPTERVI ThelasttwodaysofthevoyageBartleyfoundalmostintolerable。ThestopatQueenstown,thetediouspassageuptheMersey,werethingsthathenoteddimlythroughhisgrowingimpatience。HehadplannedtostopinLiverpool;but,instead,hetooktheboattrainforLondon。 EmergingatEustonathalf—pastthreeo’clockintheafternoon,AlexanderhadhisluggagesenttotheSavoyanddroveatoncetoBedfordSquare。WhenMariemethimatthedoor,evenherstrongsenseoftheproprietiescouldnotrestrainhersurpriseanddelight。Sheblushedandsmiledandfumbledhiscardinherconfusionbeforesheranupstairs。Alexanderpacedupanddownthehallway,buttoningandunbuttoninghisovercoat,untilshereturnedandtookhimuptoHilda’sliving—room。Theroomwasemptywhenheentered。 Acoalfirewascracklinginthegrateandthelampswerelit,foritwasalreadybeginningtogrowdarkoutside。Alexanderdidnotsitdown。HestoodhisgroundoverbythewindowsuntilHildacamein。 Shecalledhisnameonthethreshold,butinherswiftflightacrosstheroomshefeltachangeinhimandcaughtherselfupsodeftlythathecouldnottelljustwhenshedidit。 Shemerelybrushedhischeekwithherlipsandputahandlightlyandjoyouslyoneithershoulder。 \"Oh,whatagrandthingtohappenonarawday!IfeltitinmyboneswhenIwokethismorningthatsomethingsplendidwasgoingtoturnup。IthoughtitmightbeSisterKateorCousinMikewouldbehappeningalong。 Ineverdreameditwouldbeyou,Bartley。 Butwhydoyouletmechatteronlikethis? Comeovertothefire;you’rechilledthrough。\" Shepushedhimtowardthebigchairbythefire,andsatdownonastoolattheoppositesideofthehearth,herkneesdrawnuptoherchin,laughinglikeahappylittlegirl。 \"Whendidyoucome,Bartley,andhowdidithappen?Youhaven’tspokenaword。\" \"Igotinabouttenminutesago。IlandedatLiverpoolthismorningandcamedownontheboattrain。\" Alexanderleanedforwardandwarmedhishandsbeforetheblaze。Hildawatchedhimwithperplexity。 \"There’ssomethingtroublingyou,Bartley。 Whatisit?\" Bartleybentloweroverthefire。\"It’sthewholethingthattroublesme,Hilda。YouandI。\" Hildatookaquick,softbreath。Shelookedathisheavyshouldersandbig,determinedhead,thrustforwardlikeacatapultinleash。 \"Whataboutus,Bartley?\"sheaskedinathinvoice。 Helockedandunlockedhishandsoverthegrateandspreadhisfingersclosetothebluishflame,whilethecoalscrackledandtheclocktickedandastreetvendorbegantocallunderthewindow。AtlastAlexanderbroughtoutoneword:—— \"Everything!\" Hildawaspalebythistime,andhereyeswerewidewithfright。ShelookedaboutdesperatelyfromBartleytothedoor,thentothewindows,andbackagaintoBartley。Sheroseuncertainly,touchedhishairwithherhand,thensankbackuponherstool。 \"I’lldoanythingyouwishmeto,Bartley,\" shesaidtremulously。\"Ican’tstandseeingyoumiserable。\" \"Ican’tlivewithmyselfanylonger,\" heansweredroughly。 Heroseandpushedthechairbehindhimandbegantowalkmiserablyabouttheroom,seemingtofindittoosmallforhim。 Hepulledupawindowasiftheairwereheavy。 Hildawatchedhimfromhercorner,tremblingandscarcelybreathing,darkshadowsgrowingabouthereyes。 \"It……ithasn’talwaysmadeyoumiserable,hasit?\"Hereyelidsfellandherlipsquivered。 \"Always。Butit’sworsenow。It’sunbearable。 Ittorturesmeeveryminute。\" \"ButwhyNOW?\"sheaskedpiteously,wringingherhands。 Heignoredherquestion。\"Iamnotamanwhocanlivetwolives,\"hewentonfeverishly。\"Eachlifespoilstheother。 Igetnothingbutmiseryoutofeither。 Theworldisallthere,justasitusedtobe,butIcan’tgetatitanymore。Thereisthisdeceptionbetweenmeandeverything。\" Atthatword\"deception,\"spokenwithsuchself—contempt,thecolorflashedbackintoHilda’sfaceassuddenlyasifshehadbeenstruckbyawhiplash。Shebitherlipandlookeddownatherhands,whichwereclaspedtightlyinfrontofher。 \"Couldyou——couldyousitdownandtalkaboutitquietly,Bartley,asifIwereafriend,andnotsomeonewhohadtobedefied?\" Hedroppedbackheavilyintohischairbythefire。\"ItwasmyselfIwasdefying,Hilda。 IhavethoughtaboutituntilIamwornout。\" Helookedatherandhishaggardfacesoftened。 Heputouthishandtowardherashelookedawayagainintothefire。