第2章

AftercarefullystudyingthefieldofopportunitiesopentocapitalhehadsoldhislittlepropertythereforeighthundreddollarsandinvesteditinoneoftheenterprisesopenedupbythebookinOkochee。 \"MightIinquire，sir，\"saidMr。Bloom，\"inwhatparticularlineofbusinessyouinsertedyourcoin？IknowthattownaswellasIknowtheregulationsforillegaluseofthemails。Imightgiveyouahunchastowhetheryoucanmakethegamegoornot。\" J。Pinkney，somehow，hadakindlyfeelingtowardtheseunsophisticatedrepresentativesofby—gonedays。Theyweresosimple，impractical，andunsuspecting。HewasgladthathehappenednottohaveagoldbrickorablockofthatwesternBadBoySilverMinestockalongwithhim。Hewouldhavedislikedtounloadonpeoplehelikedsowellashedidthese；buttherearesometemptationstoeenticingtoberesisted。 \"No，sir，\"saidColonelBlaylock。pausingtoarrangethequeen’swrap。 \"IdidnotinvestinOkochee。Ihavemadeanexhaustivestudyofbusinessconditions，andIregardoldsettledtownsasunfavorablefieldsinwhichtoplacecapitalthatislimitedinamount。Somemonthsago，throughthekindnessofafriend，therecameintomyhandsamapanddescriptionofthisnewtownofSkylandthathasbeenbuiltuponthelake。Thedescriptionwassopleasing，thefutureofthetownsetforthinsuchconvincingarguments，anditsincreasingprosperityportrayedinsuchanattractivestylethatIdecidedtotakeadvantageoftheopportunityitoffered。I carefullyselectedalotinthecentreofthebusinessdistrict，althoughitspricewasthehighestintheschedule——fivehundreddollars——andmadethepurchaseatonce。\" \"Areyoutheman——Imean，didyoupayfivehundreddollarsforalotinSkyland\"askedJ。PinkneyBloom。 \"Idid，sir，\"answeredtheColonel，withtheairofamodestmillionaireexplaininghissuccess；\"alotmostexcellentlysituatedonthesamesquarewiththeoperahouse，andonlytwosquaresfromtheboardoftrade。Iconsiderthepurchaseamostfortuitousone。 Itismyintentiontoerectasmallbuildinguponitatonce，andopenamodestbookandstationerystore。DuringpastyearsIhavemetwithmanypecuniaryreverses，andInowfinditnecessarytoengageinsomecommercialoccupationthatwillfurnishmewithalivelihood。Thebookandstationerybusiness，thoughanhumbleone，seemstomenotinaptnoraltogetheruncongenial。IamagraduateoftheUniversityofVirginia；andMrs。Blaylock’sreallywonderfulacquaintancewithbelles—lettresandpoeticliteratureshouldgofartowardinsuringsuccess。Ofcourse，Mrs。Blaylockwouldnotpersonallyservebehindthecounter。WiththenearlythreehundreddollarsIhaveremainingIcanmanagethebuildingofahouse，bygivingalienonthelot。IhaveanoldfriendinAtlantawhoisapartnerinalargebookstore，andhehasagreedtofurnishmewithastockofgoodsoncredit，onextremelyeasyterms。Iampleasedtohope，sir，thatMrs。Blaylock’shealthandhappinesswillbeincreasedbythechangeoflocality。AlreadyIfancyIcanperceivethereturnofthoserosesthatwereoncethehopeanddespairofGeorgiacavaliers。\" Againfollowedthatwonderfulbow，astheColonellightlytouchedthepalecheekofthepoetess。Mrs。Blaylock，blushinglikeagirl，shookhercurlandgavetheColonelanarch，reprovingtap。Secretofeternalyouth——whereartthou？Everysecondtheanswercomes——\"Here，here，here。\"Listentothineownheartbeats，0wearyseekerafterexternalmiracles。 \"Thoseyears，\"saidMrs。Blaylock，\"inHollySpringswerelong，long，long。Butnowisthepromisedlandinsight。Skyland!——alovelyname。\" \"Doubtless，\"saidtheColonel，\"weshallbeabletosecurecomfortableaccommodationsatsomemodesthotelatreasonablerates。OurtrunksareinOkochee，tobeforwardedwhenweshallhavemadepermanentarrangements。\" J。PinkneyBloomexcusedhimself，wentforward，andstoodbythecaptainatthewheel。 \"Mac，\"saidhe，\"doyouremembermytellingyouoncethatIsoldoneofthosefive—hundred—dollarlotsinSkyland？\" \"SeemsIdo，\"grinnedCaptainMacFarland。 \"I’mnotacoward，asageneralrule，\"wentonthepromoter，\"butIalwayssaidthatifIevermetthesuckerthatboughtthatlotI’drunlikeaturkey。Now，youseethatoldbabe—in—the—woodoverthere？Well，he’stheboythatdrewtheprize。Thatwastheonlyfive—hundred—dollarlotthatwent。Therestrangedfromtendollarstotwohundred。Hiswifewritespoetry。She’sinventedoneaboutthehighgroundsofGeorgia，that’swayupinG。They’regoingtoSkylandtoopenabookstore。\" \"Well，\"saidMacFarland，withanothergrin，\"it’sagoodthingyouarealong，J。P。；youcanshow’emaroundtownuntiltheybegintofeelathome。\" \"He’sgotthreehundreddollarslefttobuildahouseandstorewith，\"wentonJ。Pinkney，asifheweretalkingtohimself。\"Andhethinksthere’sanopenhouseupthere。\" CaptainMacFarlandreleasedthewheellongenoughtogivehislegaroguishslap。 \"Youoldfatrascal!\"hechuckled，withawink。 \"Mac，you’reafool，\"saidJ。PinkneyBloom，coldly。HewentbackandjoinedtheBlaylocks，wherehesat，lesstalkative，withthatstraightfurrowbetweenhisbrowsthatalwaysstoodasasignalofschemesbeingshapedwithin。 \"There’sagoodmanyswindlesconnectedwiththesebooms，\"hesaidpresently。\"WhatifthisSkylandshouldturnouttobeone——thatis，supposebusinessshouldbesortofdullthere，andnospecialsaleforbooks？\" \"Mydearsir，\"saidColonelBlaylock，restinghishanduponthebackofhiswife’schair，\"threetimesIhavebeenreducedtoalmostpenurybytheduplicityofothers，butIhavenotyetlostfaithinhumanity。 IfIhavebeendeceivedagain，stillwemaygleanhealthandcontent，ifnotworldlyprofit。Iamawarethattherearedishonestschemersintheworldwhosettrapsfortheunwary，buteventheyarenotaltogetherbad。Mydear，canyourecallthoseversesentitled’HeGiveththeIncrease，’thatyoucomposedforthechoirofourchurchinHollySprings？\" \"Thatwasfouryearsago，\"saidMrs。Blaylock；\"perhansIcanrepeataverseortwo。 \"Thelilyspringsfromtherottingmould； Pearlsfromthedeepseaslime； GoodwillcomeoutofNazarethAllinGod’sowntime。 \"TothehardestheartthesofteninggraceCometh，atlast，tobless； GuidingitrighttohelpandcheerAndsuccorindistress。 \"Icannotremembertherest。Thelineswerenotambitious。Theywerewrittentothemusiccomposedbyadearfriend。\" \"It’safinerhyme，justthesame，\"declaredMr。Bloom。\"Itseemstoringthebell，allright。IguessIgatherthesenseofit。Itmeansthattherankestkindofaphonywillgiveyouthebestendofitonceinawhile。\" Mr。Bloomstrayedthoughtfullybacktothecaptain，andstoodmeditating。 \"OughttobeinsightofthespiresandgildeddomesofSkylandnowinafewminutes，\"chirrupedMacFarland，shakingwithenjoyment。 \"Gotothedevil，\"saidMr。Bloom，stillpensive。 Andnow，upontheleftbank，theycaughtaglimpseofawhitevillage，highuponthehills，smotheredamonggreentrees。ThatwasColdBranch——noboomtown，buttheslowgrowthofmanyyears。ColdBranchlayontheedgeofthegrapeandcornlands。Thebigcountryroadranjustbackoftheheights。ColdBranchhadnothingincommonwiththefriskyambitionofOkocheewithitsimpertinentlake。 \"Mac，\"saidJ。Pinkneysuddenly，\"IwantyoutostopatColdBranch。 There’salandingtherethattheymadetousesometimeswhentheriverwasup。\" \"Can’t，\"saidthecaptain，grinningmorebroadly。\"I’vegottheUnitedStatesmailsonboard。Rightto—daythisboat’sinthegovernmentservice。DoyouwanttohavethepooroldcaptainkeelhauledbyUncleSam？AndthegreatcityofSkyland，alldisconsolate，waitingforitsmail？I’mashamedofyourextravagance，J。P。\" \"Mac，\"almostwhisperedJ。Pinkney，inhisdanger—linevoice，\"I lookedintotheengineroomofthe~DixieBelle~awhileago。Don’tyouknowofsomebodythatneedsanewboiler？CementandblackJapancan’thideflawsfromme。Andthen，thosesharesofbuildingandloanthatyoutradedforrepairs——theywereallyours，ofcourse。Ihatetomentionthesethings，but——\" \"Oh，comenow，J。P。，\"saidthecaptain。\"YouknowIwasjustfooling。I’llputyouoffatColdBranch，ifyousayso。\" \"Theotherpassengersgetoffthere，too，\"saidMr。Bloom。 Furtherconversationwasheld，andintenminutesthe~DixieBelle~ turnedhernosetowardalittle，crankywoodenpierontheleftbank，andthecaptain，relinquishingthewheeltoaroustabout，cametothepassengerdeckandmadetheremarkableannouncement：\"AlloutforSkyland。\" TheBlaylocksandJ。PinkneyBloomdisembarked，andthe~DixieBelle~ proceededonherwayupthelake。Guidedbytheindefatigablepromoter，theyslowlyclimbedthesteephillside，pausingoftentorestandadmiretheview。FinallytheyenteredthevillageofColdBranch。WarmlyboththeColonelandhiswifepraiseditforitshomelikeandpeacefulbeauty。Mr。Bloomconductedthemtoatwo—storybuildingonashadystreetthatborethelegend，\"Pine—topInn。\"Herehetookhisleave，receivingthecordialthanksofthetwoforhisattentions，theColonelremarkingthathethoughttheywouldspendtheremainderofthedayinrest，andtakealookathispurchaseonthemorrow。 J。PinkneyBloomwalkeddownColdBranch’smainstreet。Hedidnotknowthistown，butheknewtowns，andhisfeetdidnotfalter。 Presentlyhesawasignoveradoor：\"FrankE。Cooly，Attorney—at—LawandNotaryPublic。\"AyoungmanwasMr。Cooly，andawaitingbusiness。 \"Getyourhat，son，\"saidMr。Bloom，inhisbreezyway，\"andablankdeed，andcomealong。It’sajobforyou。\" \"Now，\"hecontinued，whenMr。Coolyhadrespondedwithalacrity，\"isthereabookstoreintown？\" \"One，\"saidthelawyer。\"HenryWilliams’s。\" \"Getthere，\"saidMr。Bloom。\"We’regoingtobuyit。\" HenryWilliamswasbehindhiscounter。Hisstorewasasmallone，containingamixtureofbooks，stationery，andfancyrubbish。 AdjoiningitwasHenry’shome——adecentcottage，vine—emboweredandcosy。Henrywaslankandsoporific，andnotinclinedtorushhisbusiness。 \"Iwanttobuyyourhouseandstore，\"saidMr。Bloom。\"Ihaven’tgottimetodicker——nameyourprice。\" \"It’swortheighthundred，\"saidHenry，toomuchdazedtoaskmorethanitsvalue。 \"Shutthatdoor，\"saidMr。Bloomtothelawyer。Thenhetoreoffhiscoatandvest，andbegantounbuttonhisshirt。 \"Wanterfightaboutit，doyer？\"saidHenryWilliams，jumpingupandcrackinghisheelstogethertwice。\"Allright，hunky——sailinandcutyercapers。\" \"Keepyourclotheson，\"saidMr。Bloom。\"I’monlygoingdowntothebank。\" Hedreweightone—hundred—dollarbillsfromhismoneybeltandplankedthemdownonthecounter。Mr。Coolyshowedsignsoffuturepromise，forhealreadyhadthedeedspreadout，andwasreachingacrossthecounterfortheinkbottle。NeverbeforeorsincewassuchquickactionhadinColdBranch。 \"Yourname，please？\"askedthelawyer。 \"MakeitouttoPeytonBlaylock，\"saidMr。Bloom。\"Godknowshowtospellit。\" WithinthirtyminutesHenryWilliamswasoutofbusiness，andMr。 BloomstoodonthebricksidewalkwithMr。Cooly，whoheldinhishandthesignedandattesteddeed。 \"You’llfindthepartyatthePinetopInn，\"saidJ。PinkneyBloom。 \"Getitrecorded，andtakeitdownandgiveittohim。He’llaskyouahell’smintofquestions；sohere’stendollarsforthetroubleyou’llhaveinnotbeingabletoanswer’em。Neverrunmuchtopoetry，didyou，youngman？\" \"Well，\"saidthereallytalentedCooly，whoevenyetretainedhisrightmind，\"nowandthen。\" \"Digintoit，\"saidMr。Bloom，\"it’llpayyou。Neverheardapoem，now，thatrunsomethinglikethis，didyou？—— AgoodthingoutofNazarethComesupsometimes，Iguess，Onhand，allright，tohelpandcheerAsuckerindistress。\" \"Ibelievenot，\"saidMr。Cooly。 \"It’sahymn，\"saidJ。PinkneyBloom。\"Now，showmethewaytoaliverystable，son，forI’mgoingtohitthedirtroadbacktoOkochee。\" CONFESSIONSOFAHUMORIST Therewasapainlessstageofincubationthatlastedtwenty—fiveyears，andthenitbrokeoutonme，andpeoplesaidIwasIt。 Buttheycalledithumorinsteadofmeasles。 Theemployeesinthestoreboughtasilverinkstandfortheseniorpartneronhisfiftiethbirthday。Wecrowdedintohisprivateofficetopresentit。Ihadbeenselectedforspokesman，andImadealittlespeechthatIhadbeenpreparingforaweek。 Itmadeahit。Itwasfullofpunsandepigramsandfunnytwiststhatbroughtdownthehouse——whichwasaverysolidoneinthewholesalehardwareline。OldMarlowehimselfactuallygrinned，andtheemployeestooktheircueandroared。 Myreputationasahumoristdatesfromhalf—pastnineo’clockonthatmorning。Forweeksafterwardmyfellowclerksfannedtheflameofmyself—esteem。Onebyonetheycametome，sayingwhatanawfullycleverspeechthatwas，oldman，andcarefullyexplainedtomethepointofeachoneofmyjokes。 GraduallyIfoundthatIwasexpectedtokeepitup。Othersmightspeaksanelyonbusinessmattersandtheday’stopics，butfrommesomethinggamesomeandairywasrequired。 Iwasexpectedtocrackjokesaboutthecrockeryandlightenupthegranitewarewithpersiflage。Iwassecondbookkeeper，andifI failedtoshowupabalancesheetwithoutsomethingcomicaboutthefootingsorcouldfindnocauseforlaughterinaninvoiceofplows，theotherclerksweredisappointed。Bydegreesmyfamespread，andIbecamealocal\"character。\"Ourtownwassmallenoughtomakethispossible。Thedailynewspaperquotedme。AtsocialgatheringsIwasindispensable。 IbelieveIdidpossessconsiderablewitandafacilityforquickandspontaneousrepartee。ThisgiftIcultivatedandimprovedbypractice。Andthenatureofitwaskindlyandgenial，notrunningtosarcasmoroffendingothers。Peoplebegantosmilewhentheysawmecoming，andbythetimewehadmetIgenerallyhadthewordreadytobroadenthesmileintoalaugh。 Ihadmarriedearly。Wehadacharmingboyofthreeandagirloffive。Naturally，welivedinavine—coveredcottage，andwerehappy。 Mysalaryasbookkeeperinthehardwareconcernkeptatadistancethoseillsattendantuponsuperfluouswealth。 AtsundrytimesIhadwrittenoutafewjokesandconceitsthatI consideredpeculiarlyhappy，andhadsentthemtocertainperiodicalsthatprintsuchthings。Allofthemhadbeeninstantlyaccepted。 Severaloftheeditorshadwrittentorequestfurthercontributions。 OnedayIreceivedaletterfromtheeditorofafamousweeklypublication。HesuggestedthatIsubmittohimahumorouscompositiontofillacolumnofspace；hintingthathewouldmakeitaregularfeatureofeachissueiftheworkprovedsatisfactory。Ididso，andattheendoftwoweeksheofferedtomakeacontractwithmeforayearatafigurethatwasconsiderablyhigherthantheamountpaidmebythehardwarefirm。 Iwasfilledwithdelight。Mywifealreadycrownedmeinhermindwiththeimperishableevergreensofliterarysuccess。Wehadlobstercroquettesandabottleofblackberrywineforsupperthatnight。 Herewasthechancetoliberatemyselffromdrudgery。ItalkedoverthematterveryseriouslywithLouisa。WeagreedthatImustresignmyplaceatthestoreanddevotemyselftohumor。 Iresigned。Myfellowclerksgavemeafarewellbanquet。ThespeechImadetherecoruscated。ItwasprintedinfullbytheGazette。ThenextmorningIawokeandlookedattheclock。 \"Late，byGeorge!\"Iexclaimed，andgrabbedformyclothes。LouisaremindedmethatIwasnolongeraslavetohardwareandcontractors’ supplies。Iwasnowaprofessionalhumorist。 Afterbreakfastsheproudlyledmetothelittleroomoffthekitchen。 Deargirl!Therewasmytableandchair，writingpad，ink，andpipetray。Andalltheauthor’strappings——thecelerystandfulloffreshrosesandhoneysuckle，lastyear’scalendaronthewall，thedictionary，andalittlebagofchocolatestonibblebetweeninspirations。Deargirl! Isatmetowork。Thewallpaperispatternedwitharabesquesorodalisksor——perhaps——itistrapezoids。UpononeofthefiguresI fixedmyeyes。Ibethoughtmeofhumor。 Avoicestartledme——Louisa’svoice。 \"Ifyouaren’ttoobusy，dear，\"itsaid，\"cometodinner。\" Ilookedatmywatch。Yes，fivehourshadbeengatheredinbythegrimscytheman。Iwenttodinner。 \"Youmustn’tworktoohardatfirst，\"saidLouisa。\"Goethe——orwasitNapoleon？——saidfivehoursadayisenoughformentallabor。Couldn’tyoutakemeandthechildrentothewoodsthisafternoon？\" \"Iamalittletired，\"Iadmitted。Sowewenttothewoods。 ButIsoongottheswingofit。WithinamonthIwasturningoutcopyasregularasshipmentsofhardware。 AndIhadsuccess。Mycolumnintheweeklymadesomestir，andIwasreferredtoinagossipywaybythecriticsassomethingfreshinthelineofhumorists。Iaugmentedmyincomeconsiderablybycontributingtootherpublications。 Ipickedupthetricksofthetrade。Icouldtakeafunnyideaandmakeatwo—linejokeofit，earningadollar。Withfalsewhiskerson，itwouldserveupcoldasaquatrain，doublingitsproducingvalue。Byturningtheskirtandaddingaruffleofrhymeyouwouldhardlyrecognizeitas~versdesociete~withneatlyshodfeetandafashion—plateillustration。 Ibegantosaveupmoney，andwehadnewcarpets，andaparlororgan。 MytownspeoplebegantolookuponmeasacitizenofsomeconsequenceinsteadofthemerrytrifierIhadbeenwhenIclerkedinthehardwarestore。 Afterfiveorsixmonthsthespontanietyseemedtodepartfrommyhumor。Quipsanddrollsayingsnolongerfellcarelesslyfrommylips。Iwassometimeshardrunformaterial。Ifoundmyselflisteningtocatchavailableideasfromtheconversationofmyfriends。SometimesIchewedmypencilandgazedatthewallpaperforhourstryingtobuildupsomegaylittlebubbleofunstudiedfun。 AndthenIbecameaharpy，aMoloch，aJonah，avampire，tomyacquaintances。Anxious，haggard，greedy，Istoodamongthemlikeaveritablekilljoy。Letabrightsaying，awittycomparison，apiquantphrasefallfromtheirlipsandIwasafteritlikeahoundspringinguponabone。Idarednottrustmymemory；but，turningasideguiltilyandmeanly，Iwouldmakeanoteofitinmyever—presentmemorandumbookoruponmycuffformyownfutureuse。 Myfriendsregardedmeinsorrowandwonder。Iwasnotthesameman。 WhereonceIhadfurnishedthementertainmentandjollity，Inowpreyeduponthem。Nojestsfrommeeverbidfortheirsmilesnow。 Theyweretooprecious。Icouldnotaffordtodispensegratuitouslythemeansofmylivelihood。 Iwasalugubriousfoxpraisingthesingingofmyfriends，thecrow’s，thattheymightdropfromtheirbeaksthemorselsofwitthatI coveted。 Nearlyeveryonebegantoavoidme。Ievenforgothowtosmile，notevenpayingthatmuchforthesayingsIappropriated。 Nopersons，places，times，orsubjectswereexemptfrommyplunderinginsearchofmaterial。Eveninchurchmydemoralizedfancywenthuntingamongthesolemnaislesandpillarsforspoil。 Didtheministergiveoutthelong—meterdoxology，atonceIbegan： \"Doxology——sockdology——sockdolager——meter——meether。\" Thesermonranthroughmymentalsieve，itspreceptsfilteringunheeded，couldIbutgleanasuggestionofapunora~bonmot~。 ThesolemnestanthemsofthechoirwerebutanaccompanimenttomythoughtsasIconceivednewchangestoringupontheancientcomicalitiesconcerningthejealousiesofsoprano，tenor，andbasso。 Myownhomebecameahuntingground。Mywifeisasingularlyfemininecreature，candid，sympathetic，andimpulsive。Onceherconversationwasmydelight，andherideasasourceofunfailingpleasure。NowI workedher。Shewasagoldmineofthoseamusingbutlovableinconsistenciesthatdistinguishthefemalemind。 Ibegantomarketthosepearlsofunwisdomandhumorthatshouldhaveenrichedonlythesacredprecinctsofhome。WithdevilishcunningI encouragedhertotalk。Unsuspecting，shelaidherheartbare。Uponthecold，conspicuous，common，printedpageIofferedittothepublicgaze。 AliteraryJudas，Ikissedherandbetrayedher。ForpiecesofsilverIdressedhersweetconfidencesinthepantalettesandfrillsoffollyandmadethemdanceinthemarketplace。 DearLouisa!OfnightsIhavebentoverhercruelasawolfaboveatenderlamb，hearkeningeventohersoftwordsmurmuredinsleep，hopingtocatchanideaformynextday’sgrind。Thereisworsetocome。 Godhelpme!Nextmyfangswereburieddeepintheneckofthefugitivesayingsofmylittlechildren。 GuyandViolaweretwobrightfountainsofchildish，quaintthoughtsandspeeches。Ifoundareadysaleforthiskindofhumor，andwasfurnishingaregulardepartmentinamagazinewith\"FunnyFanciesofChildhood。\"IbegantostalkthemasanIndianstalkstheantelope。 Iwouldhidebehindsofasanddoors，orcrawlonmyhandsandkneesamongthebushesintheyardtoeavesdropwhiletheywereatplay。 Ihadallthequalitiesofaharpyexceptremorse。 Once，whenIwasbarrenofideas，andmycopymustleaveinthenextmail，Icoveredmyselfinapileofautumnleavesintheyard，whereIknewtheyintendedtocometoplay。IcannotbringmyselftobelievethatGuywasawareofmyhidingplace，butevenifhewas，Iwouldbeloathtoblamehimforhissettingfiretotheleaves，causingthedestructionofmynewsuitofclothes，andnearlycrematingaparent。 Soonmyownchildrenbegantoshunmeasapest。Often，whenIwascreepinguponthemlikeamelancholyghoul，Iwouldhearthemsaytoeachother：\"Herecomespapa，\"andtheywouldgathertheirtoysandscurryawaytosomesaferhidingplace。MiserablewretchthatIwas! AndyetIwasdoingwellfinancially。BeforethefirstyearhadpassedIhadsavedathousanddollars，andwehadlivedincomfort。 Butatwhatacost!Iamnotquiteclearastowhatapariahis，butIwaseverythingthatitsoundslike。Ihadnofriends，noamusements，noenjoymentoflife。Thehappinessofmyfamilyhadbeensacrificed。Iwasabee，suckingsordidhoneyfromlife’sfairestflowers，dreadedandshunnedonaccountofmystingo。 Onedayamanspoketome，withapleasantandfriendlysmile。Notinmonthshadthethinghappened。IwaspassingtheundertakingestablishmentofPeterHeffelbower。Peterstoodinthedoorandsalutedme。Istopped，strangelywrunginmyheartbyhisgreeting。 Heaskedmeinside。 Thedaywaschillandrainy。Wewentintothebackroom，whereafireburned，inalittlestove。Acustomercame，andPeterleftmealoneforawhile。PresentlyIfeltanewfeelingstealingoverme——asenseofbeautifulcalmandcontent，Ilookedaroundtheplace。 Therewererowsofshiningrosewoodcaskets，blackpalls，trestles，hearseplumes，mourningstreamers，andalltheparaphernaliaofthesolemntrade。Herewaspeace，order，silence，theabodeofgraveanddignifiedreflections。Here，onthebrinkoflife，wasalittlenichepervadedbythespiritofeternalrest。 WhenIenteredit，thefolliesoftheworldabandonedmeatthedoor。 Ifeltnoinclinationtowrestahumorousideafromthosesombreandstatelytrappings。Mymindseemedtostretchitselftogratefulreposeuponacouchdrapedwithgentlethoughts。 AquarterofanhouragoIwasanabandonedhumorist。NowIwasaphilosopher，fullofserenityandease。Ihadfoundarefugefromhumor，fromthehotchaseoftheshyquip，fromthedegradingpursuitofthepantingjoke，fromtherestlessreachafterthenimblerepartee。 IhadnotknownHeffelbowerwell。Whenhecameback，Ilethimtalk，fearfulthathemightprovetobeajarringnoteinthesweet，dirgelikeharmonyofhisestablishment。 But，no。Hechimedtruly。Igavealongsighofhappiness。NeverhaveIknownaman’stalktobeasmagnificentlydullasPeter’swas。 ComparedwithittheDeadSeaisageyser。Neverasparkleoraglimmerofwitmarredhiswords。Commonplacesastriteandasplentifulasblackberriesflowedfromhislipsnomorestirringinqualitythanalastweek’staperunningfromaticker。Quakingalittle，Itrieduponhimoneofmybestpointedjokes。Itfellbackineffectual，withthepointbroken。Ilovedthatmanfromthenon。 TwoorthreeeveningseachweekIwouldstealdowntoHeffelbower’sandrevelinhisbackroom。Thatwasmyonlyjoy。Ibegantoriseearlyandhurrythroughmywork，thatImightspendmoretimeinmyhaven。InnootherplacecouldIthrowoffmyhabitofextractinghumorousideasfrommysurroundings。Peter’stalkleftmenoopeninghadIbesiegediteversohard。 UnderthisinfluenceIbegantoimproveinspirits。Itwastherecreationfromone’slaborwhicheverymanneeds。IsurprisedoneortwoofmyformerfriendsbythrowingthemasmileandacheerywordasIpassedthemonthestreets。SeveraltimesIdumfoundedmyfamilybyrelaxinglongenoughtomakeajocoseremarkintheirpresence。 IhadsolongbeenriddenbytheincubusofhumorthatIseizedmyhoursofholidaywithaschoolboy’szest。 Mvworkbegantosuffer。Itwasnotthepainandburdentomethatithadbeen。Ioftenwhistledatmydesk，andwrotewithfarmorefluencythanbefore。Iaccomplishedmytasksimpatiently，asanxioustobeofftomyhelpfulretreatasadrunkardistogettohistavern。 MywifehadsomeanxioushoursinconjecturingwhereIspentmyafternoons。Ithoughtitbestnottotellher；womendonotunderstandthesethings。Poorgirl!——shehadoneshockoutofit。 OnedayIbroughthomeasilvercoffinhandleforapaperweightandafine，fluffyhearseplumetodustmypaperswith。 Ilovedtoseethemonmydesk，andthinkofthebelovedbackroomdownatHeffelbower’s。ButLouisafoundthem，andsheshriekedwithhorror。Ihadtoconsoleherwithsomelameexcuseforhavingthem，butIsawinhereyesthattheprejudicewasnotremoved。Ihadtoremovethearticles，though，atdouble—quicktime。 OnedayPeterHeffelbowerlaidbeforemeatemptationthatsweptmeoffmyfeet。Inhissensible，uninspiredwayheshowedmehisbooks，andexplainedthathisprofitsandhisbusinesswereincreasingrapidly。Hehadthoughtoftakinginapartnerwithsomecash。Hewouldratherhavemethananyoneheknew。WhenIlefthisplacethatafternoonPeterhadmycheckforthethousanddollarsIhadinthebank，andIwasapartnerinhisundertakingbusiness。 Iwenthomewithfeelingsofdeliriousjoy，mingledwithacertainamountofdoubt。Iwasdreadingtotellmywifeaboutit。ButI walkedonair。Togiveupthewritingofhumorousstuff，oncemoretoenjoytheapplesoflife，insteadofsqueezingthemtoapulpforafewdropsofhardcidertomakethepubicfeelfunny——whataboonthatwouldbe! AtthesuppertableLouisahandedmesomelettersthathadcomeduringmyabsence。Severalofthemcontainedrejectedmanuscript。EversinceIfirstbegangoingtoHeffelbower’smystuffhadbeencomingbackwithalarmingfrequency。LatelyIhadbeendashingoffmyjokesandarticleswiththegreatestfluency。PreviouslyIhadlaboredlikeabricklayer，slowlyandwithagony。 PresentlyIopenedaletterfromtheeditoroftheweeklywithwhichI hadaregularcontract。Thechecksforthatweeklyarticlewerestillourmaindependence。Theletterranthus： DEARSIR： Asyouareaware，ourcontractfortheyearexpireswiththepresentmonth。Whileregrettingthenecessityforsodoing，wemustsaythatwedonotcaretorenewsameforthecomingyear。Wewerequitepleasedwithyourstyleofhumor，whichseemstohavedelightedquitealargeproportionofourreaders。Butforthepasttwomonthswehavenoticedadecidedfallingoffinitsquality。Yourearlierworkshowedaspontaneous，easy，naturalflowoffunandwit。Oflateitislabored，studied，andunconvincing，givingpainfulevidenceofhardtoilanddrudgingmechanism。 Againregrettingthatwedonotconsideryourcontributionsavailableanylonger，weare，yourssincerely，THEEDITOR。 Ihandedthislettertomywife。Aftershehadreaditherfacegrewextremelylong，andthereweretearsinhereyes。 \"Themeanoldthing!\"sheexclaimedindignantly。\"I’msureyourpiecesarejustasgoodastheyeverwere。Anditdoesn’ttakeyouhalfaslongtowritethemasitdid。\"Andthen，Isuppose，Louisathoughtofthechecksthatwouldceasecoming。\"Oh，John，\"shewailed，\"whatwillyoudonow？\" ForananswerIgotupandbegantodoapolkasteparoundthesuppertable。IamsureLouisathoughtthetroublehaddrivenmemad；andIthinkthechildrenhopedithad，fortheytoreafterme，yellingwithgleeandemulatingmysteps。Iwasnowsomethingliketheiroldplaymateasofyore。 \"Thetheatreforusto—night!\"Ishouted；\"nothingless。Andalate，wild，disreputablesupperforallofusatthePalaceRestaurant。 Lumpty—diddle—de—dee—de—dum!\" AndthenIexplainedmygleebydeclaringthatIwasnowapartnerinaprosperousundertakingestablishment，andthatwrittenjokesmightgohidetheirheadsinsackclothandashesforallme。 Withtheeditor’sletterinherhandtojustifythedeedIhaddone，mywifecouldadvancenoobjectionssaveafewmildonesbasedonthefeminineinabilitytoappreciateagoodthingsuchasthelittlebackroomofPeterHef——no，ofHeffelbower&Co’s。undertakingestablishment。 Inconclusion，Iwillsaythatto—dayyouwillfindnomaninourtownaswellliked，asjovial，andfullofmerrysayingsasI。Myjokesareagainnoisedaboutandquoted；oncemoreItakepleasureinmywife’sconfidentialchatterwithoutamercenarythought，whileGuyandViolaplayatmyfeetdistributinggemsofchildishhumorwithoutfearoftheghastlytormentorwhousedtodogtheirsteps，notebookinhand。 Ourbusinesshasprosperedfinely。Ikeepthebooksandlookaftertheshop，whilePeterattendstooutsidematters。HesaysthatmylevityandhighspiritswouldsimplyturnanyfuneralintoaregularIrishwake。 THESPARROWSINMADISONSQUARE TheyoungmaninstraitenedcircumstanceswhocomestoNewYorkCitytoenterliteraturehasbutonethingtodo，providedhehasstudiedcarefullyhisfieldinadvance。HemustgostraighttoMadisonSquare，writeanarticleaboutthesparrowsthere，andsellittothe~Sun~for$15。 Icannotrecalleitheranovelorastorydealingwiththepopularthemeoftheyoungwriterfromtheprovinceswhocomestothemetropolistowinfameandfortunewithhispeninwhichtheherodoesnotgethisstartthatway。Itdoesseemstrangethatsomeauthor，incastingaboutforstartlinglyoriginalplots，hasnothitupontheideaofhavinghisherowriteaboutthebluebirdsinUnionSquareandsellittothe~Herald~。ButasearchthroughthefilesofmetropolitanfictioncountsupoverwhelminglyforthesparrowsandtheoldGardenSquare，andthe~Sun~alwayswritesthecheck。 Ofcourseitiseasytounderstandwhythisfirstcityventureofthebuddingauthorisalwayssuccessful。Heisprimedbynecessitytoasuperlativeeffort；midtheironandstoneandmarbleoftheroaringcityhehasfoundthisspotofsingingbirdsandgreengrassandtrees；everytendersentimentinhisnatureisbafflingwiththesweetpainofhomesickness；hisgeniusisarousedasitnevermaybeagain； thebirdschirp，thetreebranchessway，thenoiseofwheelsisforgotten；hewriteswithhissoulinhispen——andhesellsittothe~Sun~for$15。 IhadreadofthiscustomduringmanyyearsbeforeIcametoNewYork。 Whenmyfriendswereusingtheirstrongestargumentstodissuademefromcoming，Ionlysmiledserenely。TheydidnotknowofthatsparrowgraftIhadupmysleeve。 WhenIarrivedinNewYork，andthecartookmestraightfromtheferryupTwenty—thirdStreettoMadisonSquare，Icouldhearthat$15checkrustlinginmyinsidepocket。 Iobtainedlodgingatanunhyphenatedhostelry，andthenextmorningIwasonabenchinMadisonSquarealmostbythetimethesparrowswereawake。Theirmelodiouschirping，thebenignantspringfoliageofthenobletreesandtheclean，fragrantgrassremindedmesopotentlyoftheoldfarmIhadleftthattearsalmostcameintomyeyes。 Then，allinamoment，Ifeltmyinspiration。Thebrave，piercingnotesofthosecheerfulsmallbirdsformedakeynotetoawonderful，light，fancifulsongofhopeandjoyandaltruism。Likemyself，theywerecreatureswithheartspitchedtothetuneofwoodsandfields； asIwas，soweretheycaptivesbycircumstanceinthediscordant，dullcity——yetwithhowmuchgraceandgleetheyboretherestraint! Andthentheearlymorningpeoplebegantopassthroughthesquaretotheirwork——sullenpeople，withsidelongglancesandglumfaces，hurrying，hurrying，hurrying。AndIgotmythemecutoutclearfromthebirdnotes，andwroughtitintoalesson，andapoem，andacarnivaldance，andalullaby；andthentranslateditallintoproseandbegantowrite。 Fortwohoursmypenciltraveledovermypadwithscarcelyarest。 ThenIwenttothelittleroomIhadrentedfortwodays，andthereIcutittohalf，andthenmailedit，white—hot，tothe~Sun~。 ThenextmorningIwasupbydaylightandspenttwocentsofmycapitalforapaper。Iftheword\"sparrow\"wasinitIwasunabletofindit。Itookituptomyroomandspreaditoutonthebedandwentoverit，columnbycolumn。Somethingwaswrong。 ThreehoursafterwardthepostmanbroughtmealargeenvelopecontainingmyMS。andapieceofinexpensivepaper，about3inchesby4——Isupposesomeofyouhaveseenthem——uponwhichwaswritteninvioletink，\"Withthe~Sun’s~thanks。\" Iwentovertothesquareandsatuponabench。No；Ididnotthinkitnecessarytoeatanybreakfastthatmorning。Theconfoundedpestsofsparrowsweremakingthesquarehideouswiththeiridiotic\"cheep，cheep。\"Ineversawbirdssopersistentlynoisy，impudent，anddisagreeableinallmylife。 Bythistime，accordingtoalltraditions，Ishouldhavebeenstandingintheofficeoftheeditorofthe~Sun~。Thatpersonage——atall，grave，white—hairedman——wouldstrikeasilverbellashegraspedmyhandandwipedasuspiciousmoisturefromhisglasses。 \"Mr。McChesney，\"hewouldbesayingwhenasubordinateappeared，\"thisisMr。Henry，theyoungmanwhosentinthatexquisitegemaboutthesparrowsinMadisonSquare。Youmaygivehimadeskatonce。Yoursalary，sir，willbe$80aweek，tobeginwith。\" ThiswaswhatIhadbeenledtoexpectbyallwriterswhohaveevolvedromancesofliteraryNewYork。 Somethingwasdecidedlywrongwithtradition。Icouldnotassumetheblame，soIfixedituponthesparrows。Ibegantohatethemwithintensityandheat。 Atthatmomentanindividualwearinganexcessofwhiskers，twohats，andapestilentialairslidintotheseatbesideme。 \"Say，Willie，\"hemutteredcajolingly，\"couldyoucoughupadimeoutofyourcoffersforacupofcoffeethismorning？\" \"I’mlung—weary，myfriend，\"saidI。\"ThebestIcandoisthreecents。\" \"Andyoulooklikeagentleman，too，\"saidhe。\"Whatbrungyoudown？——boozer？\" \"Birds，\"Isaidfiercely。\"Thebrown—throatedsongsterscarollingsongsofhopeandcheertowearymantoilingamidthecity’sdustanddin。Thelittlefeatheredcouriersfromthemeadowsandwoodschirpingsweetlytousofblueskiesandfloweringfields。Theconfoundedlittlesquint—eyednuisancesyawpinglikeaflockofsteampianos，andstuffingthemselveslikealdermenwithgrassseedsandbugs，whileamansitsonabenchandgoeswithouthisbreakfast。 Yes，sir，birds!lookatthem!\" AsIspokeIpickedupadeadtreebranchthatlaybythebench，andhurleditwithallmyforceintoaclosecongregationofthesparrowsonthegrass。Theflockflewtothetreeswithababelofshrillcries；buttwoofthemremainedprostrateupontheturf。 Inamomentmyunsavoryfriendhadleapedovertherowofbenchesandsecuredtheflutteringvictims，whichhethrusthurriedlyintohispockets。Thenhebeckonedmewithadirtyforefinger。 \"Comeon，cully，\"hesaidhoarsely。\"You’reinonthefeed。\" Thankyouverymuch! WeaklyIfollowedmydingyacquaintance。Heledmeawayfromtheparkdownasidestreetandthroughacrackinafenceintoavacantlotwheresomeexcavatinghadbeengoingon。Behindapileofoldstonesandlumberhepaused，andtookouthisbirds。 \"Igotmatches，\"saidhe。\"Yougotanypapertostartafirewith？\" Idrewforthmymanuscriptstoryofthesparrows，andoffereditforburntsacrifice。Therewereoldplanks，splinters，andchipsforourfire。Myfrowsyfriendproducedfromsomeinteriorofhisfrayedclothinghalfaloafofbread，pepper，andsalt。 Intenminuteseachofuswasholdingasparrowspitteduponastickovertheleapingflames。 \"Say，\"saidmyfellowbivouacker，\"thisain’tsobadwhenafellow’shungry。ItremindsmeofwhenIstruckNewYorkfirst——aboutfifteenyearsago。IcomeinfromtheWesttoseeifIcouldgetajobonanewspaper。IhittheMadisonSquareParkthefirstmornin’after，andwassittingaroundonthebenches。Inoticedthesparrowschirpin’，andthegrassandtreessoniceandgreenthatIthoughtIwasbackinthecountryagain。ThenIgotsomepapersoutofmypocket，and——\" \"Iknow，\"Iinterrupted。\"Yousentittothe~Sun~andgot$15。\" \"Say，\"saidmyfriend，suspiciously，\"youseemtoknowagooddeal。 Wherewasyou？Iwenttosleeponthebenchthere，inthesun，andsomebodytouchedmeforeverycentIhad——$15。\" HEARTSANDHANDS AtDenvertherewasaninfluxofpassengersintothecoachesontheeastboundB。&M。express。Inonecoachtheresataveryprettyyoungwomandressedineleganttasteandsurroundedbyalltheluxuriouscomfortsofanexperiencedtraveler。Amongthenewcomersweretwoyoungmen，oneofhandsomepresencewithabold，frankcountenanceandmanner；theotheraruffled，glum—facedperson，heavilybuiltandroughlydressed。Thetwowerehandcuffedtogether。 Astheypasseddowntheaisleofthecoachtheonlyvacantseatofferedwasareversedonefacingtheattractiveyoungwoman。Herethelinkedcoupleseatedthemselves。Theyoungwoman’sglancefelluponthemwithadistant，swiftdisinterest；thenwithalovelysmilebrighteninghercountenanceandatenderpinktingeingherroundedcheeks，sheheldoutalittlegray—glovedhand。Whenshespokehervoice，full，sweet，anddeliberate，proclaimedthatitsownerwasaccustomedtospeakandbeheard。 \"Well，Mr。Easton，ifyou~will~makemespeakfirst，IsupposeI must。Don’tvoueverrecognizeoldfriendswhenyoumeetthemintheWest？\" Theyoungermanrousedhimselfsharplyatthesoundofhervoice，seemedtostrugglewithaslightembarrassmentwhichhethrewoffinstantly，andthenclaspedherfingerswithhislefthand。 \"It’sMissFairchild，\"hesaid，withasmile。\"I’llaskyoutoexcusetheotherhand；\"it’sotherwiseengagedjustatpresent。\" Heslightlyraisedhisrighthand，boundatthewristbytheshining\"bracelet\"totheleftoneofhiscompanion。Thegladlookinthegirl’seyesslowlychangedtoabewilderedhorror。Theglowfadedfromhercheeks。Herlipspartedinavague，relaxingdistress。 Easton，withalittlelaugh，asifamused，wasabouttospeakagainwhentheotherforestalledhim。Theglum—facedmanhadbeenwatchingthegirl’scountenancewithveiledglancesfromhiskeen，shrewdeyes。 \"You’llexcusemeforspeaking，miss，but，Iseeyou’reacquaintedwiththemarshallhere。Ifyou’llaskhimtospeakawordformewhenwegettothepenhe’lldoit，andit’llmakethingseasierformethere。He’stakingmetoLeavenworthprison。It’ssevenyearsforcounterfeiting。\" \"Oh!\"saidthegirl，withadeepbreathandreturningcolor。\"Sothatiswhatyouaredoingouthere？Amarshal!\" \"MydearMissFairchild，\"saidEaston，calmly，\"Ihadtodosomething。 Moneyhasawayoftakingwingsuntoitself，andyouknowittakesmoneytokeepstepwithourcrowdinWashington。IsawthisopeningintheWest，and——well，amarshalshipisn’tquiteashighapositionasthatofambassador，but——\" \"Theambassador，\"saidthegirl，warmly，\"doesn’tcallanymore。Heneedn’teverhavedoneso。Yououghttoknowthat。AndsonowyouareoneofthesedashingWesternheroes，andyourideandshootandgointoallkindsofdangers。That’sdifferentfromtheWashingtonlife。 Youhavebeenmissedfromtheoldcrowd。\" Thegirl’seyes，fascinated，wentback，wideningalittle，torestupontheglitteringhandcuffs。 \"Don’tyouworryaboutthem，miss，\"saidtheotherman。\"Allmarshalshandcuffthemselvestotheirprisonerstokeepthemfromgettingaway。 Mr。Eastonknowshisbusiness。\" \"WillweseeyouagainsooninWashington？\"askedthegirl。 \"Notsoon，Ithink，\"saidEaston。\"Mybutterflydaysareover，I fear。\" \"IlovetheWest，\"saidthegirlirrelevantly。Hereyeswereshiningsoftly。Shelookedawayoutthecarwindow。Shebegantospeaktrulyandsimplywithouttheglossofstyleandmanner： \"MammaandIspentthesummerinDenver。Shewenthomeaweekagobecausefatherwasslightlyill。IcouldliveandbehappyintheWest。Ithinktheairhereagreeswithme。Moneyisn’teverything。 Butpeoplealwaysmisunderstandthingsandremainstupid——\" \"Say，Mr。Marshal，\"growledtheglum—facedman。\"Thisisn’tquitefair。I’mneedingadrink，andhaven’thadasmokeallday。Haven’tyoutalkedlongenough？Takemeinthesmokernow，won’tyou？I’mhalfdeadforapipe。\" Theboundtravelersrosetotheirfeet，Eastonwiththesameslowsmileonhisface。 \"Ican’tdenyapetitionfortobacco，\"hesaid，lightly。\"It’stheonefriendoftheunfortunate。Good—bye，MissFairchild。Dutycalls，youknow。\"Heheldouthishandforafarewell。 \"It’stoobadyouarenotgoingEast，\"shesaid，reclothingherselfwithmannerandstyle。\"ButyoumustgoontoLeavenworth，I suppose？\" \"Yes，\"saidEaston，\"ImustgoontoLeavenworth。\" Thetwomensidleddowntheaisleintothesmoker。 Thetwopassengersinaseatnearbyhadheardmostoftheconversation。Saidoneofthem：\"Thatmarshal’sagoodsortofchap。SomeoftheseWesternfellowsareallright。\" \"Prettyyoungtoholdanofficelikethat，isn’the？\"askedtheother。 \"Young!\"exclaimedthefirstspeaker，\"why——Oh!didn’tyoucatchon？ Say——didyoueverknowanofficertohandcuffaprisonertohis~right~hand？\" THECACTUS ThemostnotablethingaboutTimeisthatitissopurelyrelative。Alargeamountofreminiscenceis，bycommonconsent，concededtothedrowningman；anditisnotpastbeliefthatonemayreviewanentirecourtshipwhileremovingone’sgloves。 ThatiswhatTrysdalewasdoing，standingbyatableinhisbachelorapartments。Onthetablestoodasingular—lookinggreenplantinaredearthenjar。Theplantwasoneofthespeciesofcacti，andwasprovidedwithlong，tentacularleavesthatperpetuallyswayedwiththeslightestbreezewithapeculiarbeckoningmotion。 Trysdale’sfriend，thebrotherofthebride，stoodatasideboardcomplainingatbeingallowedtodrinkalone。Bothmenwereineveningdress。Whitefavorslikestarsupontheircoatsshonethroughthegloomoftheapartment。 Asheslowlyunbuttonedhisgloves，therepassedthroughTrysdale’smindaswift，scarifyingretrospectofthelastfewhours。Itseemedthatinhisnostrilswasstillthescentoftheflowersthathadbeenbankedinodorousmassesaboutthechurch，andinhisearsthelowpitchedhumofathousandwell—bredvoices，therustleofcrispgarments，and，mostinsistentlyrecurring，thedrawlingwordsoftheministerirrevocablybindinghertoanother。 >Fromthislasthopelesspointofviewhestillstrove，asifithadbecomeahabitofhismind，toreachsomeconjectureastowhyandhowhehadlosther。Shakenrudelybytheuncompromisingfact，hehadsuddenlyfoundhimselfconfrontedbyathinghehadneverbeforefaced——hisowninnermost，unmitigated，aridunbedeckedself。Hesawallthegarbsofpretenceandegoismthathehadwornnowturntoragsoffolly。Heshudderedatthethoughtthattoothers，beforenow，thegarmentsofhissoulmusthaveappearedsorryandthreadbare。 Vanityandconceit？Thesewerethejointsinhisarmor。Andhowfreefromeithershehadalwaysbeen——Butwhy—— Asshehadslowlymoveduptheaisletowardthealtarhehadfeltanunworthy，sullenexultationthathadservedtosupporthim。Hehadtoldhimselfthatherpalenesswasfromthoughtsofanotherthanthemantowhomshewasabouttogiveherself。Buteventhatpoorconsolationhadbeenwrenchedfromhim。For，whenhesawthatswift，limpid，upwardlookthatshegavethemanwhenhetookherhand，heknewhimselftobeforgotten。Oncethatsamelookhadbeenraisedtohim，andhehadgaugeditsmeaning。Indeed，hisconceithadcrumbled；itslastpropwasgone。Whyhaditendedthus？Therehadbeennoquarrelbetweenthem，nothing—— Forthethousandthtimeheremarshalledinhismindtheeventsofthoselastfewdaysbeforethetidehadsosuddenlyturned。 Shehadalwaysinsisteduponplacinghimuponapedestal，andhehadacceptedherhomagewithroyalgrandeur。Ithadbeenaverysweetincensethatshehadburnedbeforehim；somodest（hetoldhimself）； sochildlikeandworshipful，and（hewouldoncehavesworn）sosincere。Shehadinvestedhimwithanalmostsupernaturalnumberofhighattributesandexcellenciesandtalents，andhehadabsorbedtheoblationasadesertdrinkstherainthatcancoaxfromitnopromiseofblossomorfruit。 AsTrysdalegrimlywrenchedaparttheseamofhislastglove，thecrowninginstanceofhisfatuousandtardilymournedegoismcamevividlybacktohim。Thescenewasthenightwhenhehadaskedhertocomeuponhispedestalwithhimandsharehisgreatness。Hecouldnot，now，forthepainofit，allowhismindtodwelluponthememoryofherconvincingbeautythatnight——thecarelesswaveofherhair，thetendernessandvirginalcharmofherlooksandwords。Buttheyhadbeenenough，andtheyhadbroughthimtospeak。Duringtheirconversationshehadsaid： \"AndCaptainCarrutherstellsmethatyouspeaktheSpanishlanguagelikeanative。Whyhaveyouhiddenthisaccomplishmentfromme？Isthereanythingyoudonotknow？\" Now，Carrutherswasanidiot。Nodoubthe（Trysdale）hadbeenguilty（hesometimesdidsuchthings）ofairingattheclubsomeold，cantingCastilianproverbdugfromthehotchpotchatthebackofdictionaries。 Carruthers，whowasoneofhisincontinentadmirers，wastheverymantohavemagnifiedthisexhibitionofdoubtfulerudition。 But，alas!theincenseofheradmirationhadbeensosweetandflattering。Heallowedtheimputationtopasswithoutdenial。 Withoutprotest，heallowedhertotwineabouthisbrowthisspuriousbayofSpanishscholarship。Heletitgracehisconqueringhead，and，amongitssoftconvolutions，hedidnotfeeltheprickofthethornthatwastopiercehimlater。 Howglad，howshy，howtremulousshewas!Howsheflutteredlikeasnaredbirdwhenhelaidhismightinessatherfeet!Hecouldhavesworn，andhecouldswearnow，thatunmistakableconsentwasinhereyes，but，coyly，shewouldgivehimnodirectanswer。\"Iwillsendyoumyanswerto—morrow，\"shesaid；andhe，theindulgent，confidentvictor，smilinglygrantedthedelay。Thenextdayhewaited，impatient，inhisroomsfortheword。Atnoonhergroomcametothedoorandleftthestrangecactusintheredearthenjar。Therewasnonote，nomessage，merelyatagupontheplantbearingabarbarousforeignorbotanicalname。Hewaiteduntilnight，butheranswerdidnotcome。Hislargeprideandhurtvanitykepthimfromseekingher。 Twoeveningslatertheymetatadinner。Theirgreetingswereconventional，butshelookedathim，breathless，wondering，eager。 Hewascourteous，adamant，waitingherexplanation。Withwomanlyswiftnessshetookhercuefromhismanner，andturnedtosnowandice。Thus，andwiderfromthison，theyhaddriftedapart。Wherewashisfault？Whohadbeentoblame？Humblednow，hesoughttheansweramidtheruinsofhisself—conceit。If—— Thevoiceoftheothermanintheroom，querulouslyintrudinguponhisthoughts，arousedhim。 \"Isay，Trysdale，whatthedeuceisthematterwithyou？Youlookunhappyasifyouyourselfhadbeenmarriedinsteadofhavingactedmerelyasanaccomplice。Lookatme，anotheraccessory，cometwothousandmilesonagarlicky，cockroachybananasteamerallthewayfromSouthAmericatoconniveatthesacrifice——pleasetoobservehowlightlymyguiltrestsuponmyshoulders。OnlylittlesisterIhad，too，andnowshe’sgone。Comenow!takesomethingtoeaseyourconscience。\" \"Idon’tdrinkjustnow，thanks，\"saidTrysdale。 \"Yourbrandy，\"resumedtheother，comingoverandjoininghim，\"isabominable。RundowntoseemesometimeatPuntaRedonda，andtrysomeofourstuffthatoldGarciasmugglesin。It’sworththe，trip。 Hallo!here’sanoldacquaintance。Whereverdidyourakeupthiscactus，Trysdale？\" \"Apresent，\"saidTrysdale，\"fromafriend。Knowthespecies？\" \"Verywell。It’satropicalconcern。Seehundredsof’emaroundPuntaeveryday。Here’sthenameonthistagtiedtoit。KnowanySpanish，Trysdale？\" \"No，\"saidTrysdale，withthebitterwraithofasmile——\"IsitSpanish？\" \"Yes。Thenativesimaginetheleavesarereachingoutandbeckoningtoyou。Theycallitbythisname——Ventomarme。NamemeansinEnglish，’Comeandtakeme。’\" THEDETECTIVEDETECTOR IwaswalkinginCentralParkwithAveryKnight，thegreatNewYorkburglar，highwayman，andmurderer。 \"But，mydearKnight，\"saidI，\"itsoundsincredible。Youhaveundoubtedlyperformedsomeofthemostwonderfulfeatsinyourprofessionknowntomoderncrime。Youhavecommittedsomemarvellousdeedsundertheverynosesofthepolice——youhaveboldlyenteredthehomesofmillionairesandheldthemupwithanemptygunwhileyoumadefreewiththeirsilverandjewels；youhavesandbaggedcitizensintheglareofBroadway’selectriclights；youhavekilledandrobbedwithsuperbopennessandabsoluteimpunity——butwhenyouboastthatwithinforty—eighthoursaftercommittingamurderyoucanrundownandactuallybringmefacetofacewiththedetectiveassignedtoapprehendyou，Imustbegleavetoexpressmydoubts——remember，youareinNewYork。\" AveryKnightsmiledindulgently。 \"Youpiquemyprofessionalpride，doctor，\"hesaidinanettledtone。\"Iwillconvinceyou。\" Abouttwelveyardsinadvanceofusaprosperous—lookingcitizenwasroundingaclumpofbusheswherethewalkcurved。Knightsuddenlydrewarevolverandshotthemanintheback。Hisvictimfellandlaywithoutmoving。 Thegreatmurdererwentuptohimleisurelyandtookfromhisclotheshismoney，watch，andavaluableringandcravatpin。Hethenrejoinedmesmilingcalmly，andwecontinuedourwalk。 Tenstepsandwemetapolicemanrunningtowardthespotwheretheshothadbeenfired。AveryKnightstoppedhim。 \"Ihavejustkilledaman，\"heannounced，seriously，\"androbbedhimofhispossessions。\" \"G’wan，\"saidthepoliceman，angrily，\"orI’llrunyezin!Wantyernameinthepapers，don’tyez？Ineverknewthecrankstocomearoundsoquickafterashootin’before。Outofth’park，now，foryours，orI’llfanyez。\" \"Whatyouhavedone，\"Isaid，argumentatively，asKnightandIwalkedon，\"waseasy。Butwhenyoucometothetaskofhuntingdownthedetectivethattheysenduponyourtrailyouwillfindthatyouhaveundertakenadifficultfeat。\" \"Perhapsso，\"saidKnight，lightly。\"Iwilladmitthatmysuccessdependsinadegreeuponthesortofmantheystartafterme。Ifitshouldbeanordinaryplain—clothesmanImightfailtogainasightofhim。IftheyhonormebygivingthecasetosomeoneoftheircelebratedsleuthsIdonotfeartomatchmycunningandpowersofinductionagainsthis。\" OnthenextafternoonKnightenteredmyofficewithasatisfiedlookonhiskeencountenance。 \"Howgoesthemysteriousmurder？\"Iasked。 \"Asusual，\"saidKnight，smilingly。\"Ihaveputinthemorningatthepolicestationandattheinquest。Itseemsthatacardcaseofminecontainingcardswithmynameandaddresswasfoundnearthebody。 Theyhavethreewitnesseswhosawtheshootingandgaveadescriptionofme。ThecasehasbeenplacedinthehandsofShamrockJolnes，thefamousdetective。HeleftHeadquartersat11：30ontheassignment。 Iwaitedatmyaddressuntiltwo，thinkinghemightcallthere。\" Ilaughed，tauntingly。 \"YouwillneverseeJolnes，\"Icontinued，\"untilthismurderhasbeenforgotten，twoorthreeweeksfromnow。Ihadabetteropinionofyourshrewdness，Knight。Duringthethreehoursandahalfthatyouwaitedhehasgotoutofyourken。Heisafteryouontrueinductiontheoriesnow，andnowrongdoerhasyetbeenknowntocomeuponhimwhilethusengaged。Iadviseyoutogiveitup。\" \"Doctor，\"saidKnight，withasuddenglintinhiskeengrayeyeandasquaringofhischin，\"inspiteoftherecordyourcityholdsofsomethinglikeadozenhomicideswithoutasubsequentmeetingoftheperpetrator，andthesleuthinchargeofthecase，Iwillundertaketobreakthatrecord。To—morrowIwilltakeyoutoShamrockJolnes—— Iwillunmaskhimbeforeyouandprovetoyouthatitisnotanimpossibilityforanofficerofthelawandamanslayertostandfacetofaceinyourcity。\" \"Doit，\"saidI，\"andyou’llhavethesincerethanksofthePoliceDepartment。\" OnthenextdayKnightcalledformeinacab。 \"I’vebeenononeortwofalsescents，doctor，\"headmitted。\"Iknowsomethingofdetectives’methods，andIfollowedoutafewofthem，expectingtofindJolnesattheotherend。Thepistolbeinga。45— caliber，IthoughtsurelyIwouldfindhimatworkontheclueinForty—fifthStreet。Then，again，IlookedforthedetectiveattheColumbiaUniversity，astheman’sbeingshotinthebacknaturallysuggestedhazing。ButIcouldnotfindatraceofhim。\" \"——Norwillyou，\"Isaid，emphatically。 \"Notbyordinarymethods，\"saidKnight。\"ImightwalkupanddownBroadwayforamonthwithoutsuccess。Butyouhavearousedmypride，doctor；andifIfailtoshowyouShamrockJolnesthisday，IpromiseyouIwillneverkillorrobinyourcityagain。\" \"Nonsense，man，\"Ireplied。\"Whenourburglarswalkintoourhousesandpolitelydemand，thousandsofdollars’worthofjewels，andthendineandbangthepianoanhourortwobeforeleaving，howdoyou，ameremurderer，expecttocomeincontactwiththedetectivethatislookingforyou？\" AveryKnight，satlostinthoughtforawhile。Atlengthhelookedupbrightly。 \"Doc，\"saidhe，\"Ihaveit。Putonyourhat，andcomewithme。InhalfanhourIguaranteethatyoushallstandinthepresenceofShamrockJolnes。\" IenteredacabwithAveryKnight。Ididnothearhisinstructionstothedriver，butthevehiclesetoutatasmartpaceupBroadway，turningpresentlyintoFifthAvenue，andproceedingnorthwardagain。 ItwaswitharapidlybeatingheartthatIaccompaniedthiswonderfulandgiftedassassin，whoseanalyticalgeniusandsuperbself— confidencehadpromptedhimtomakemethetremendouspromiseofbringingmeintothepresenceofamurdererandtheNewYorkdetectiveinpursuitofhimsimultaneously。EvenyetIcouldnotbelieveitpossible。 \"Areyousurethatyouarenotbeingledintosometrap？\"Iasked。 \"Supposethatyourclue，whateveritis，shouldbringusonlyintothepresenceoftheCommissionerofPoliceandacoupleofdozencops!\" \"Mydeardoctor，\"saidKnight，alittlestiffly。\"IwouldremindyouthatIamnogambler。\" \"Ibegyourpardon，\"saidI。\"ButIdonotthinkyouwillfindJolnes。\" Thecabstoppedbeforeoneofthehandsomestresidencesontheavenue。 Walkingupanddowninfrontofthehousewasamanwithlongredwhiskers，withadetective’sbadgeshowingonthelapelofhiscoat。 Nowandthenthemanwouldremovehiswhiskerstowipehisface，andthenIwouldrecognizeatoncethewell—knownfeaturesofthegreatNewYorkdetective。Jolneswaskeepingasharpwatchuponthedoorsandwindowsofthehouse。 \"Well，doctor，\"saidKnight，unabletorepressanoteoftriumphinhisvoice，\"haveyouseen？\" \"Itiswonderful——wonderful!\"Icouldnothelpexclaimingasourcabstartedonitsreturntrip。\"Buthowdidyoudoit？Bywhatprocessofinduction——\" \"Mydeardoctor，\"interruptedthegreatmurderer，\"theinductivetheoryiswhatthedetectivesuse。Myprocessismoremodern。I callitthesaltatorialtheory。Withoutbotheringwiththetediousmentalphenomenanecessarytothesolutionofamysteryfromslightclues，Ijumpatoncetoaconclusion。IwillexplaintoyouthemethodIemployedinthiscase。 \"Inthefirstplace，IarguedthatasthecrimewascommittedinNewYorkCityinbroaddaylight，inapublicplaceandunderpeculiarlyatrociouscircumstances，andthatasthemostskilfulsleuthavailablewasletlooseuponthecase，theperpetratorwouldneverbediscovered。Doyounotthinkmypostulationjustifiedbyprecedent？\" \"Perhapsso，\"Ireplied，doggedly。\"ButifBigBillDev——\" \"Stopthat，\"interruptedKnight，withasmile，\"I’veheardthatseveraltimes。It’stoolatenow。Iwillproceed。 \"IfhomicidesinNewYorkwentundiscovered，Ireasoned，althoughthebestdetectivetalentwasemployedtoferretthemout，itmustbetruethatthedetectiveswentabouttheirworkinthewrongway。 Andnotonlyinthewrongway，butexactlyoppositefromtherightway。Thatwasmyclue。 \"IslewthemaninCentralPark。Now，letmedescribemyselftoyou。