INTRODUCTIONBYHENRYMORLEY。
ThisisthebookwhichfixedthenameandcharacterofJohnBullontheEnglishpeople。Thoughinonepartofthestoryheisthinandlongnosed，asaresultoftrouble，generallyheissuggestedtousas\"ruddyandplump，withapairofcheekslikeatrumpeter，\"anhonesttradesman，simpleandstraightforward，easilycheated;butwhenhetakeshisaffairsintohisownhands，actingwithgoodplainsense，knowingverywellwhathewantsdone，anddoingit。
Thebookwasbegunintheyear1712，andpublishedinfoursuccessivegroupsofchaptersthatdealtplayfully，fromtheTorypointofview，withpublicaffairsleadinguptothePeaceofUtrecht。ThePeaceurgedandmadebytheTorieswasintheselightpapersrecommendedtothepublic。Thelasttouchesintheparablerefertothebeginningoftheyear1713，whentheDukeofOrmondseparatedhistroopsfromthoseoftheAlliesandwenttoreceiveDunkirkasthestipulatedconditionofcessationofarms。AfterthewithdrawaloftheBritishtroops，PrinceEugenewasdefeatedbyMarshalVillarsatDenain，andotherreversesfollowed。ThePeaceofUtrechtwassignedonthe31stofMarch。
Somechaptersinthisbookdealinlikemanner，fromthepointofviewofagood-naturedToryofQueenAnne’stime，withthefeudsofthedaybetweenChurchandDissent。Otherchaptersunitewiththistopicaplayfulaccountofanotherchiefpoliticaleventofthetime——thenegotiationleadingtotheActofUnionbetweenEnglandandScotland，whichreceivedtheRoyalAssentonthe6thofMarch，17O7;JohnBullthenconsentedtoreceivehis\"SisterPeg\"intohishouse。TheChurch，ofcourse，isJohnBull’smother;hisfirstwifeisaWhigParliament，hissecondwifeaToryParliament，whichfirstmetinNovember，171O。
This\"HistoryofJohnBull\"beganwiththefirstofitsfourpartsentitled\"LawisaBottomlessPit，exemplifiedinthecaseofLordStrutt，JohnBull，NicholasFrog，andLewisBaboon，whospentalltheyhadinaLaw-suit。\"ForLawputWar——theWaroftheSpanishSuccession;forlawyers，soldiers;forsessions，campaigns;forverdicts，battleswon;forHumphryHocustheattorney，Marlboroughthegeneral;forlawexpenses，warexpenses;andforaimofthewhole，toaidtheTorypolicyofpeacewithFrance。Asecondpartfollowed，entitled\"JohnBullinhisSenses;\"thethirdpartwascalled\"JohnBullstillinhisSenses;\"andthefourthpart，\"LewisBaboonturnedHonest，andJohnBullPolitician。\"Thefourpartswereafterwardsarrangedintotwo，astheyareherereprinted，andpublishedtogetheras\"TheHistoryofJohnBull，\"withafewnotesbytheauthorwhichsufficientlyexplainitsdrift。
TheauthorwasJohnArbuthnot，aphysician，familiarfriendofPopeandSwift，whomPopeaddressedas\"Friendtomylife，whichdidnotyouprolong，Theworldhadwantedmanyanidlesong;\"
andofwhomSwiftsaid，that\"hehasmorewitthanweallhave，andhishumanityisequaltohiswit。\"\"IftherewereadozenArbuthnotsintheworld，\"saidSwift，\"Iwouldburn’Gulliver’sTravels。’\"
ArbuthnotwasofSwift’sage，bornin1667，sonofaScotchEpiscopalclergyman，wholosthislivingattheRevolution。Hissons——alltrainedinHighChurchprinciples——leftScotlandtoseektheirfortunes;JohncametoLondonandtaughtmathematics。HetookhisdegreeofDoctorofMedicineatSt。Andrewsin1696;founduseformathematicsinhisstudiesofmedicine;becameaFellowoftheRoyalSociety;andbeingbychanceatEpsomwhenQueenAnne’shusbandwastakenill，prescribedforhimsosuccessfullythathewasmadein1705PhysicianExtraordinary，andupontheoccurrenceofavacancyin17O9PhysicianinOrdinary，totheQueen。Swiftcallshimherfavouritephysician。In171OhewasadmittedFellowoftheRoyalCollegeofPhysicians。ThatwasArbuthnot’spositionin1712-13when，attheageofforty-five，hewrotethis\"HistoryofJohnBull。\"HewaspersonalfriendoftheMinisterswhosepolicyhesupported，andespeciallyofHarley，EarlofOxford，theSirRogeroftheHistory。
AfterQueenAnne’sdeath，andthecomingoftheWhigstopower，ArbuthnotlosthisofficeatCourt。Buthewasthefriendandphysicianofallthewits;himselfwithoutliteraryambition，allowingfriendstomakewhatalterationstheypleasedinpiecesthathewrote，orhischildrentomakekitesofthem。Acoupleofyearsbeforehisdeathhesuffereddeeplyfromthelossoftheelderofhistwosons。Hewashimselfafflictedthenwithstone，andretiredtoHampsteadtodie。\"Arecovery，\"hewrotetoSwift，\"isinmycaseandinmyageimpossible;thekindestwishofmyfriendsiseuthanasia。\"Hediedin1735。
AUTHOR’SPREFACE。
WhenIwasfirstcalledtotheofficeofhistoriographertoJohnBull，heexpressedhimselftothispurpose：——\"SirHumphreyPolesworth，*Iknowyouareaplaindealer;itisforthatreasonI
havechosenyouforthisimportanttrust;speakthetruthandsparenot。\"ThatImightfulfilthosehishonourableintentions，I
obtainedleavetorepairto，andattendhiminhismostsecretretirements;andIputthejournalsofalltransactionsintoastrongbox，tobeopenedatafittingoccasion，afterthemannerofthehistoriographersofsomeeasternmonarchs：thisIthoughtwasthesafestway;thoughIdeclareIwasneverafraidtobechopped**
bymymasterfortellingoftruth。Itisfromthosejournalsthatmymemoirsarecompiled：thereforeletnotposterityathousandyearshencelookfortruthinthevoluminousannalsofpedants，whoareentirelyignorantofthesecretspringsofgreatactions;iftheydo，letmetellthemtheywillbenebused。***
*AMemberofParliament，eminentforacertaincantinhisconversation，ofwhichthereisagooddealinthisbook。
**AcantwordofSirHumphrey’s。
***Anothercantword，signifyingdeceived。
WithincrediblepainshaveIendeavouredtocopytheseveralbeautiesoftheancientandmodernhistorians;theimpartialtemperofHerodotus，thegravity，austerity，andstrictmoralsofThucydides，theextensiveknowledgeofXenophon，thesublimityandgrandeurofTitusLivius;andtoavoidthecarelessstyleofPolybius，IhaveborrowedconsiderableornamentsfromDionysiusHalicarnasseus，andDiodorusSiculus。ThespeciousgildingofTacitusIhaveendeavouredtoshun。Mariana，Davila，andFra。
Paulo，arethoseamongstthemodernswhomIthoughtmostworthyofimitation;butIcannotbesodisingenuous，asnottoowntheinfiniteobligationsIhavetothe\"Pilgrim’sProgress\"ofJohnBunyan，andthe\"TenterBelly\"oftheReverendJosephHall。
Fromsuchencouragementandhelps，itiseasytoguesstowhatadegreeofperfectionImighthavebroughtthisgreatwork，haditnotbeennippedinthebudbysomeilliteratepeopleinbothHousesofParliament，whoenvyingthegreatfigureIwastomakeinfutureages，underpretenceofraisingmoneyforthewar，*havepadlockedallthoseverypensthatweretocelebratetheactionsoftheirheroes，bysilencingatoncethewholeuniversityofGrubStreet。I
ampersuadedthatnothingbuttheprospectofanapproachingpeacecouldhaveencouragedthemtomakesoboldastep。Butsufferme，inthenameoftherestofthematriculatesofthatfamousuniversity，toaskthemsomeplainquestions：Dotheythinkthatpeacewillbringalongwithitthegoldenage？Willtherebeneveradyingspeechofatraitor？AreCethegusandCatilineturnedsotame，thattherewillbenoopportunitytocryaboutthestreets，\"A
DangerousPlot？\"Willpeacebringsuchplentythatnogentlemanwillhaveoccasiontogouponthehighway，orbreakintoahouse？I
amsorrythattheworldshouldbesomuchimposeduponbythedreamsofafalseprophet，astoimaginetheMillenniumisathand。OGrubStreet！thoufruitfulnurseryoftoweringgeniuses！HowdoIlamentthydownfall？ThyruincouldneverbemeditatedbyanywhomeantwelltoEnglishliberty。Nomodernlyceumwilleverequalthyglory：whetherinsoftpastoralsthoudidstsingtheflamesofpamperedapprenticesandcoycookmaids;ormournfuldittiesofdepartinglovers;oriftoMaeonianstrainsthouraisedstthyvoice，torecordthestratagems，thearduousexploits，andthenocturnalscaladeofneedyheroes，theterrorofyourpeacefulcitizens，describingthepowerfulBettyortheartfulPicklock，orthesecretcavernsandgrottoesofVulcansweatingathisforge，andstampingthequeen’simageonvilermetalswhichheretailsforbeefandpotsofale;orifthouwertcontentinsimplenarrative，torelatethecruelactsofimplacablerevenge，orthecomplaintofravishedvirginsblushingtotelltheiradventuresbeforethelisteningcrowdofcitydamsels，whilstinthyfaithfulhistorythouintermingledstthegravestcounselsandthepurestmorals。Norlessacuteandpiercingwertthouinthysearchandpompousdescriptionsoftheworksofnature;whetherinproperandemphatictermsthoudidstpainttheblazingcomet’sfierytail，thestupendousforceofdreadfulthunderandearthquakes，andtheunrelentinginundations。
Sometimes，withMachiaveliansagacity，thouunravelledstintriguesofstate，andthetraitorousconspiraciesofrebels，givingwisecounseltomonarchs。HowdidstthoumoveourterrorandourpitywiththypassionatescenesbetweenJackCatchandtheheroesoftheOldBailey？HowdidstthoudescribetheirintrepidmarchupHolbornHill？Nordidstthoushinelessinthytheologicalcapacity，whenthougavestghostlycounselstodyingfelons，anddidstrecordtheguiltypangsofSabbathbreakers。HowwillthenobleartsofJohnOverton’s**paintingandsculpturenowlanguish？whererichinvention，properexpression，correctdesign，divineattitudes，andartfulcontrast，heightenedwiththebeautiesofClar。Obscur。，embellishedthycelebratedpieces，tothedelightandastonishmentofthejudiciousmultitude！Adieu，persuasiveeloquence！thequaintmetaphor，thepoignantirony，theproperepithet，andthelivelysimile，arefledforever！Insteadofthese，weshallhave，Iknownotwhat！Theilliteratewilltelltherestwithpleasure。
*Actrestrainingthelibertyofthepress，etc。
**TheengraverofthecutsbeforetheGrubStreetpapers。
Ihopethereaderwillexcusethisdigression，duebywayofcondolencetomyworthybrethrenofGrubStreet，fortheapproachingbarbaritythatislikelytooverspreadallitsregionsbythisoppressiveandexorbitanttax。Ithasbeenmygoodfortunetoreceivemyeducationthere;andsolongasIpreservedsomefigureandrankamongstthelearnedofthatsociety，IscornedtotakemydegreeeitheratUtrechtorLeyden，thoughIwasoffereditgratisbytheprofessorsinthoseuniversities。
Andnowthatposteritymaynotbeignorantinwhatagesoexcellentahistorywaswritten（whichwouldotherwise，nodoubt，bethesubjectofitsinquiries），Ithinkitpropertoinformthelearnedoffuturetimes，thatitwascompiledwhenLouisXIV。wasKingofFrance，andPhiliphisgrandsonofSpain;whenEnglandandHolland，inconjunctionwiththeEmperorandtheAllies，enteredintoawaragainstthesetwoprinces，whichlastedtenyears，underthemanagementoftheDukeofMarlborough，andwasputtoaconclusionbytheTreatyofUtrecht，undertheministryoftheEarlofOxford，intheyear1713。
ManyatthattimedidimaginethehistoryofJohnBull，andthepersonagesmentionedinit，tobeallegorical，whichtheauthorwouldneverown。Notwithstanding，toindulgethereader’sfancyandcuriosity，Ihaveprintedatthebottomofthepagethesupposedallusionsofthemostobscurepartsofthestory。
THEHISTORYOFJOHNBULL。
CHAPTERI。TheOccasionoftheLawSuit。
IneednottellyouofthegreatquarrelsthathavehappenedinourneighbourhoodsincethedeathofthelateLordStrutt;*howtheparson**andacunningattorneygothimtosettlehisestateuponhiscousinPhilipBaboon，tothegreatdisappointmentofhiscousinEsquireSouth。Somesticknottosaythattheparsonandtheattorneyforgedawill;forwhichtheywerewellpaidbythefamilyoftheBaboons。Letthatbeasitwill，itismatteroffactthatthehonourandestatehavecontinuedeversinceinthepersonofPhilipBaboon。
*LateKingofSpain。
**CardinalPortocarero。
YouknowthattheLordStruttshaveformanyyearsbeenpossessedofaverygreatlandedestate，wellconditioned，wooded，watered，withcoal，salt，tin，copper，iron，etc。，allwithinthemselves;thatithasbeenthemisfortuneofthatfamilytobethepropertyoftheirstewards，tradesmen，andinferiorservants，whichhasbroughtgreatincumbrancesuponthem;atthesametime，theirnotabatingoftheirexpensivewayoflivinghasforcedthemtomortgagetheirbestmanors。Itiscrediblyreportedthatthebutcher’sandbaker’sbillofaLordStruttthatlivedtwohundredyearsagoarenotyetpaid。
WhenPhilipBabooncamefirsttothepossessionoftheLordStrutt’sestate，histradesmen，*asisusualuponsuchoccasions，waiteduponhimtowishhimjoyandbespeakhiscustom。ThetwochiefwereJohnBull，**theclothier，andNic。Frog，***thelinendraper。TheytoldhimthattheBullsandFrogshadservedtheLordStruttswithdraperywareformanyyears;thattheywerehonestandfairdealers;
thattheirbillshadneverbeenquestioned;thattheLordStruttslivedgenerously，andneverusedtodirtytheirfingerswithpen，ink，andcounters;thathislordshipmightdependupontheirhonestythattheywouldusehimaskindlyastheyhaddonehispredecessors。
Theyounglordseemedtotakeallingoodpart，anddismissedthemwithadealofseemingcontent，assuringthemhedidnotintendtochangeanyofthehonourablemaximsofhispredecessors。
*ThefirstlettersofcongratulationfromKingWilliamandtheStatesofHollanduponKingPhilip’saccessiontothecrownofSpain。
**TheEnglish。
***TheDutch。
CHAPTERII。HowBullandFroggrewjealousthattheLordStruttintendedtogiveallhiscustomtohisgrandfatherLewisBaboon。
Ithappenedunfortunatelyforthepeaceofourneighbourhoodthatthisyounglordhadanoldcunningrogue，or，astheScotscallit，afalseloonofagrandfather，thatonemightjustlycallaJack-
of-all-Trades。*Sometimesyouwouldseehimbehindhiscountersellingbroadcloth，sometimesmeasuringlinen;nextdayhewouldbedealinginmerceryware。Highheads，ribbons，gloves，fans，andlaceheunderstoodtoanicety。CharlesMathercouldnotbubbleayoungbeaubetterwithatoy;nay，hewoulddescendeventothesellingoftape，garters，andshoe-buckles。Whenshopwasshutuphewouldgoabouttheneighbourhoodandearnhalf-a-crownbyteachingtheyoungmenandmaidstodance。Bythesemethodshehadacquiredimmenseriches，whichheusedtosquander*awayatback-sword，quarter-staff，andcudgel-play，inwhichhetookgreatpleasure，andchallengedallthecountry。YouwillsayitisnowonderifBullandFrogshouldbejealousofthisfellow。\"Itisnotimpossible，\"
saysFrogtoBull，\"butthisoldroguewilltakethemanagementoftheyounglord’sbusinessintohishands;besides，therascalhasgoodware，andwillservehimascheapasanybody。Inthatcase，I
leaveyoutojudgewhatmustbecomeofusandourfamilies;wemuststarve，orturnjourneymantooldLewisBaboon。Therefore，neighbour，IholditadvisablethatwewritetoyoungLordStrutttoknowthebottomofthismatter。\"
*ThecharacterandtradeoftheFrenchnation。
**TheKing’sdispositiontowar。
CHAPTERIII。ACopyofBullandFrog’sLettertoLordStrutt。
MyLord，——IsupposeyourlordshipknowsthattheBullsandtheFrogshaveservedtheLordStruttswithallsortsofdraperywaretimeoutofmind。Andwhereaswearejealous，notwithoutreason，thatyourlordshipintendshenceforthtobuyofyourgrandsireoldLewisBaboon，thisistoinformyourlordshipthatthisproceedingdoesnotsuitwiththecircumstancesofourfamilies，whohavelivedandmadeagoodfigureintheworldbythegenerosityoftheLordStrutts。Thereforewethinkfittoacquaintyourlordshipthatyoumustfindsufficientsecuritytous，ourheirs，andassignsthatyouwillnotemployLewisBaboon，orelsewewilltakeourremedyatlaw，clapanactionuponyouof2O，OOOpoundsforolddebts，seizeanddistrainyourgoodsandchattels，which，consideringyourlordship’scircumstances，willplungeyouintodifficulties，fromwhichitwillnotbeeasytoextricateyourself。Thereforewehope，whenyourlordshiphasbetterconsideredonit，youwillcomplywiththedesireofYourlovingfriends，JOHNBULL，NIC。FROG。
SomeofBull’sfriendsadvisedhimtotakegentlermethodswiththeyounglord，butJohnnaturallylovedroughplay。ItisimpossibletoexpressthesurpriseoftheLordStruttuponthereceiptofthisletter。Hewasnotflushinreadyeithertogotolaworclearolddebts，neithercouldhefindgoodbail。Heofferedtobringmatterstoafriendlyaccommodation，andpromised，uponhiswordofhonour，thathewouldnotchangehisdrapers;butalltonopurpose，forBullandFrogsawclearlythatoldLewiswouldhavethecheatingofhim。
CHAPTERIV。HowBullandFrogwenttolawwithLordStruttaboutthepremises，andwerejoinedbytherestofthetradesmen。
AllendeavoursofaccommodationbetweenLordStruttandhisdrapersprovedvain。Jealousiesincreased，and，indeed，itwasrumouredabroadthatLordStrutthadbespokehisnewliveriesofoldLewisBaboon。ThiscomingtoMrs。Bull’sears，whenJohnBullcamehome，hefoundallhisfamilyinanuproar。Mrs。Bull，youmustknow，wasveryapttobecholeric。\"Yousot，\"saysshe，\"youloiteraboutalehousesandtaverns，spendyourtimeatbilliards，ninepins，orpuppet-shows，orflauntaboutthestreetsinyournewgiltchariot，nevermindingmenoryournumerousfamily。Don’tyouhearhowLordStrutthasbespokehisliveriesatLewisBaboon’sshop？Don’tyouseehowthatoldfoxstealsawayyourcustomers，andturnsyououtofyourbusinesseveryday，andyousitlikeanidledrone，withyourhandsinyourpockets？Fieuponit。Upman，rousethyself;
I’llselltomyshiftbeforeI’llbesousedbythatknave。\"*YoumustthinkMrs。BullhadbeenprettywelltunedupbyFrog，whochimedinwithherlearnedharangue。Nofurtherdelaynow，buttocounsellearnedinthelawtheygo，whounanimouslyassuredthembothofjusticeandinfalliblesuccessoftheirlawsuit。
*ThesentimentsandaddressesoftheParliamentatthattime。
ItoldyoubeforethatoldLewisBaboonwasasortofaJack-of-all-trades，whichmadetherestofthetradesmenjealous，aswellasBullandFrog;theyhearingofthequarrel，weregladofanopportunityofjoiningagainstoldLewisBaboon，providedthatBullandFrogwouldbearthechargesofthesuit。EvenlyingNed，thechimney-sweeperofSavoy，andTom，thePortugaldustman，putintheirclaims，andthecausewasputintothehandsofHumphryHocus，theattorney。
Adeclarationwasdrawnuptoshow\"ThatBullandFroghadundoubtedrightbyprescriptiontobedraperstotheLordStrutts;thattherewereseveraloldcontractstothatpurpose;thatLewisBaboonhadtakenupthetradeofclothieranddraperwithoutservinghistimeorpurchasinghisfreedom;thathesoldgoodsthatwerenotmarketablewithoutthestamp;thathehimselfwasmorefitforabullythanatradesman，andwentaboutthroughallthecountryfairschallengingpeopletofightprizes，wrestlingandcudgelplay，andabundancemoretothispurpose。\"
CHAPTERV。ThetruecharactersofJohnBull，Nic。Frog，andHocus。*
*CharactersoftheEnglishandDutch，andtheGeneralDukeofMarlborough。
ForthebetterunderstandingthefollowinghistorythereaderoughttoknowthatBull，inthemain，wasanhonest，plain-dealingfellow，choleric，bold，andofaveryunconstanttemper;hedreadednotoldLewiseitheratback-sword，singlefalchion，orcudgel-play;butthenhewasveryapttoquarrelwithhisbestfriends，especiallyiftheypretendedtogovernhim。Ifyouflatteredhimyoumightleadhimlikeachild。John’stemperdependedverymuchupontheair;
hisspiritsroseandfellwiththeweather-glass。Johnwasquickandunderstoodhisbusinessverywell，butnomanalivewasmorecarelessinlookingintohisaccounts，ormorecheatedbypartners，apprentices，andservants。Thiswasoccasionedbyhisbeingabooncompanion，lovinghisbottleandhisdiversion;for，tosaytruth，nomankeptabetterhousethanJohn，norspenthismoneymoregenerously。ByplainandfairdealingJohnhadacquiredsomeplums，andmighthavekeptthem，haditnotbeenforhisunhappylawsuit。
Nic。Frogwasacunning，slyfellow，quitethereverseofJohninmanyparticulars;covetous，frugal，mindeddomesticaffairs，wouldpinchhisbellytosavehispocket，neverlostafarthingbycarelessservantsorbaddebtors。Hedidnotcaremuchforanysortofdiversion，excepttricksofhighGermanartistsandlegerdemain。
NomanexceededNic。inthese;yetitmustbeownedthatNic。wasafairdealer，andinthatwayacquiredimmenseriches。
Hocuswasanoldcunningattorney，andthoughthiswasthefirstconsiderablesuitthateverhewasengagedinheshowedhimselfsuperiorinaddresstomostofhisprofession。Hekeptalwaysgoodclerks，helovedmoney，wassmooth-tongued，gavegoodwords，andseldomlosthistemper。Hewasnotworsethananinfidel，forheprovidedplentifullyforhisfamily，buthelovedhimselfbetterthanthemall。Theneighboursreportedthathewashenpecked，whichwasimpossible，bysuchamild-spiritedwomanashiswifewas。
CHAPTERVI。OfthevarioussuccessoftheLawsuit。*
*Thesuccessofthewar。
Lawisabottomlesspit;itisacormorant，aharpy，thatdevourseverything。JohnBullwasflatteredbythelawyersthathissuitwouldnotlastaboveayearortwoatmost;thatbeforethattimehewouldbeinquietpossessionofhisbusiness;yettenlongyearsdidHocussteerhiscausethroughallthemeandersofthelawandallthecourts。Noskill，noaddresswaswanting，and，tosaytruth，Johndidnotstarvethecause;therewantednotyellowboystofeecounsel，hirewitnesses，andbribejuries。LordStruttwasgenerallycast，neverhadoneverdictinhisfavour，andJohnwaspromisedthatthenext，andthenext，wouldbethefinaldetermination;but，alas！thatfinaldeterminationandhappyconclusionwaslikeanenchantedisland;thenearerJohncametoitthefurtheritwentfromhim。Newtrialsuponnewpointsstillarose，newdoubts，newmatterstobecleared;inshort，lawyersseldompartwithsogoodacausetilltheyhavegottheoysterandtheirclientstheshell。John’sreadymoney，bookdebts，bonds，mortgages，allwentintothelawyers’pockets。ThenJohnbegantoborrowmoneyuponBankStockandEastIndiaBonds。Nowandthenafarmwenttopot。AtlastitwasthoughtagoodexpedienttosetupEsquireSouth’stitletoprovethewillforgedanddispossessPhilipLordStruttatonce。Hereagainwasanewfieldforthelawyers，andthecausegrewmoreintricatethanever。Johngrewmadderandmadder;whereverhemetanyofLordStrutt’sservantshetoreofftheirclothes。Nowandthenyouwouldseethemcomehomenaked，withoutshoes，stockings，andlinen。AsforoldLewisBaboon，hewasreducedtohislastshift，thoughhehadasmanyasanyother。
Hischildrenwerereducedfromrichsilkstodoilystuffs，hisservantsinragsandbarefooted;insteadofgoodvictualstheynowliveduponneckbeefandbullock’sliver。Inshort，nobodygotmuchbythematterbutthemenoflaw。
CHAPTERVII。HowJohnBullwassomightilypleasedwithhissuccessthathewasgoingtoleaveoffhistradeandturnLawyer。
Itiswiselyobservedbyagreatphilosopherthathabitisasecondnature。ThiswasverifiedinthecaseofJohnBull，who，fromanhonestandplaintradesman，hadgotsuchahauntabouttheCourtsofJustice，andsuchajargonoflawwords，thatheconcludedhimselfasablealawyerasanythatpleadedatthebarorsatonthebench。
Hewasoverheardonedaytalkingtohimselfafterthismanner：\"Howcapriciouslydoesfateorchancedisposeofmankind。HowseldomisthatbusinessallottedtoamanforwhichheisfittedbyNature。
ItisplainIwasintendedforamanoflaw。Howdidmyguardiansmistakemygeniusinplacingme，likeameanslave，behindacounter？Blessme！whatimmenseestatesthesefellowsraisebythelaw。Besides，itistheprofessionofagentleman。Whatapleasureitistobevictoriousinacause：toswaggeratthebar。WhatafoolamItodrudgeanymoreinthiswoollentrade。ForalawyerI
wasborn，andalawyerIwillbe;oneisnevertoooldtolearn。\"*
AllthiswhileJohnhadconnedoversuchacatalogueofhardwordsaswereenoughtoconjureupthedevil;theseheusedtobabbleindifferentlyinallcompanies，especiallyatcoffeehouses，sothathisneighbourtradesmenbegantoshunhiscompanyasamanthatwascracked。InsteadoftheaffairsofBlackwellHallandpriceofbroadcloth，wool，andbaizes，hetalksofnothingbutactionsuponthecase，returns，capias，aliascapias，demurrers，venirefacias，replevins，supersedeases，certioraries，writsoferror，actionsoftroverandconversion，trespasses，precipes，anddedimus。Thiswasmatterofjesttothelearnedinlaw;howeverHocusandtherestofthetribeencouragedJohninhisfancy，assuringhimthathehadagreatgeniusforlaw;thattheyquestionednotbutintimehemightraisemoneyenoughbyittoreimbursehimofallhischarges;thatifhestudiedhewouldundoubtedlyarrivetothedignityofaLordChiefJustice。AsfortheadviceofhonestfriendsandneighboursJohndespisedit;helookeduponthemasfellowsofalowgenius，poorgrovellingmechanics。Johnreckoneditmorehonourtohavegotonefavourableverdictthantohavesoldabaleofbroadcloth。AsforNic。Frog，tosaythetruth，hewasmoreprudent;forthoughhefollowedhislawsuitcloselyheneglectednothisordinarybusiness，butwasbothincourtandinhisshopattheproperhours。
*Themannersandsentimentsofthenationatthattime。
CHAPTERVIII。HowJohndiscoveredthatHocushadanIntriguewithhisWife;*andwhatfollowedthereupon。
Johnhadnotrunonamaddingsolonghaditnotbeenforanextravagantwife，whomHocusperceivingJohntobefondof，wasresolvedtowinovertohisside。Itisatruesaying，thatthelastmanoftheparishthatknowsofhiscuckoldomishimself。ItwasobservedbyalltheneighbourhoodthatHocushaddealingswithJohn’swifethatwerenotsomuchforhishonour;butthiswasperceivedbyJohnalittletoolate：shewasaluxuriousjade，lovedsplendidequipages，plays，treatsandballs，differingverymuchfromthesobermannersofherancestors，andbynomeansfitforatradesman’swife。Hocusfedherextravagancy（whatwasstillmoreshameful）withJohn’sownmoney。EverybodysaidthatHocushadamonth’smindtoher;bethatasitwill，itismatteroffact，thatuponalloccasionssheranoutextravagantlyonthepraiseofHocus。WhenJohnusedtobefindingfaultwithhisbills，sheusedtoreproachhimasungratefultohisgreatestbenefactor;onethathadtakensomuchpainsinhislawsuit，andretrievedhisfamilyfromtheoppressionofoldLewisBaboon。AgoodswingingsumofJohn’sreadiestcashwenttowardsbuildingofHocus’scountryhouse。**ThisaffairbetweenHocusandMrs。Bullwasnowsoopen，thatalltheworldwasscandalisedatit;Johnwasnotsoclod-pated，butatlasthetookthehint。Theparsonoftheparishpreachingonedaywithmorezealthansenseagainstadultery，Mrs。
Bulltoldherhusbandthathewasaveryuncivilfellowtousesuchcoarselanguagebeforepeopleofcondition;***thatHocuswasofthesamemind，andthattheywouldjointohavehimturnedoutofhislivingforusingpersonalreflections。Howdoyoumean，saysJohn，bypersonalreflections？IhopeinGod，wife，hedidnotreflectuponyou？\"No，thankGod，myreputationistoowellestablishedintheworldtoreceiveanyhurtfromsuchafoul-mouthedscoundrelashe;hisdoctrinetendsonlytomakehusbandstyrants，andwivesslaves;mustwebeshutup，andhusbandslefttotheirliberty？
Veryprettyindeed！awifemustnevergoabroadwithaPlatonictoseeaplayoraball;shemustneverstirwithoutherhusband;norwalkinSpringGardenwithacousin。Idosay，husband，andIwillstandbyit，thatwithouttheinnocentfreedomsoflife，matrimonywouldbeamostintolerablestate;andthatawife’svirtueoughttobetheresultofherownreason，andnotofherhusband’sgovernment：formypart，Iwouldscornahusbandthatwouldbejealous，ifhesawafellowwithme。\"AllthiswhileJohn’sbloodboiledinhisveins：hewasnowconfirmedinallhissuspicions;
thehardestnames，werethebestwordsthatJohngaveher。Thingswentfrombettertoworse，tillMrs。BullaimedaknifeatJohn，thoughJohnthrewabottleatherheadverybrutallyindeed：andafterthistherewasnothingbutconfusion;bottles，glasses，spoons，plates，knives，forks，anddishes，flewaboutlikedust;theresultofwhichwas，thatMrs。Bullreceivedabruiseinherrightsideofwhichshediedhalfayearafter。Thebruiseimposthumated，andafterwardsturnedtoastinkingulcer，whichmadeeverybodyshytocomenearher，yetshewantednotthehelpofmanyablephysicians，whoattendedverydiligently，anddidwhatmenofskillcoulddo;butalltonopurpose，forherconditionwasnowquitedesperate，allregularphysiciansandhernearestrelationshavinggivenherover。****
*TheopinionatthattimeoftheGeneral’stamperingwiththeParliament。
**BlenheimPalace。
***ThestoryofDr。Sacheverel，andtheresentmentoftheHouseofCommons。
****TheopinionoftheToriesaboutthatHouseofCommons。
CHAPTERIX。HowsomeQuacksundertooktocureMrs。Bullofherulcer。*
ThereisnothingsoimpossibleinNaturebutmountebankswillundertake;nothingsoincrediblebuttheywillaffirm：Mrs。Bull’sconditionwaslookeduponasdesperatebyallthemenofart;buttherewerethosethatbraggedtheyhadaninfallibleointmentandplaister，whichbeingappliedtothesore，wouldcureitinafewdays;atthesametimetheywouldgiveherapillthatwouldpurgeoffallherbadhumours，sweetenherblood，andrectifyherdisturbedimagination。Inspiteofallapplicationsthepatientgrewworseeveryday;shestunkso，nobodydurstcomewithinastone’sthrowofher，exceptthosequackswhoattendedherclose，andapprehendednodanger。IfoneaskedthemhowMrs。Bulldid？
Betterandbetter，saidthey;thepartsheal，andherconstitutionmends：ifshesubmitstoourgovernmentshewillbeabroadinalittletime。Nay，itisreportedthattheywrotetoherfriendsinthecountrythatsheshoulddanceajignextOctoberinWestminsterHall，andthatherillnesshadbeenchieflyowingtobadphysicians。
Atlast，oneofthemwassentforingreathaste，hispatientgrewworseandworse：whenhecame，heaffirmedthatitwasagrossmistake，andthatshewasneverinafairerway。Bringhitherthesalve，sayshe，andgiveheraplentifuldraughtofmycordial。Ashewasapplyinghisointments，andadministeringthecordial，thepatientgaveuptheghost，tothegreatconfusionofthequack，andthegreatjoyofBullandhisfriends。Thequackflungawayoutofthehouseingreatdisorder，andsworetherewasfoulplay，forhewassurehismedicineswereinfallible。Mrs。Bullhavingdiedwithoutanysignsofrepentanceordevotion，theclergywouldhardlyallowheraChristianburial。TherelationshadonceresolvedtosueJohnforthemurder，butconsideringbetterofit，andthatsuchatrialwouldripupoldsores，anddiscoverthingsnotsomuchtothereputationofthedeceased，theydroppedtheirdesign。Sheleftnowill，onlytherewasfoundinherstrongboxthefollowingwordswrittenonascripofpaper——\"MycurseonJohnBull，andallmyposterity，ifevertheycometoanycompositionwiththeLordStrutt。\"
Shelefthimthreedaughters，whosenameswerePolemia，Discordia，andUsuria。**
*EndeavoursandhopesofsomepeopletohinderthedissolutionofthatParliament。
**War，faction，andusury。
CHAPTERX。OfJohnBull’ssecondWife，andthegoodAdvicethatshegavehim。*
Johnquicklygotthebetterofhisgrief，and，seeingthatneitherhisconstitutionnortheaffairsofhisfamily，couldpermithimtoliveinanunmarriedstate，heresolvedtogethimanotherwife;acousinofhislastwife’swasproposed，butJohnwouldhavenomoreofthebreed。Inshort，heweddedasobercountrygentlewoman，ofagoodfamilyandaplentifulfortune，thereverseoftheotherinhertemper;notbutthatshelovedmoney，forshewassaving，andappliedherfortunetopayJohn’sclamorousdebts，thattheunfrugalmethodofhislastwife，andthisruinouslawsuit，hadbroughthiminto。Oneday，asshehadgotherhusbandinagoodhumour，shetalkedtohimafterthefollowingmanner：——\"Mydear，sinceIhavebeenyourwife，Ihaveobservedgreatabusesanddisordersinyourfamily：yourservantsaremutinousandquarrelsome，andcheatyoumostabominably;yourcookmaidisinacombinationwithyourbutcher，poulterer，andfishmonger;yourbutlerpurloinsyourliquor，andthebrewersellsyouhogwash;yourbakercheatsbothinweightandintale;evenyourmilkwomanandyournursery-maidhaveafellowfeeling;yourtailor，insteadofshreds，cabbageswholeyardsofcloth;besides，leavingsuchlongscores，andnotgoingtomarketwithreadymoneyforcesustotakebadwareofthetradesmenattheirownprice。Youhavenotpostedyourbooksthesetenyears。
Howisitpossibleforamanofbusinesstokeephisaffairsevenintheworldatthisrate？PrayGodthisHocusbehonest;wouldtoGodyouwouldlookoverhisbills，andseehowmattersstandbetweenFrogandyou。Prodigioussumsarespentinthislawsuit，andmoremustbeborrowedofscrivenersandusurersatheavyinterest。
Besides，mydear，letmebegofyoutolayasidethatwildprojectofleavingyourbusinesstoturnlawyer，forwhich，letmetellyou，Natureneverdesignedyou。Believeme，theseroguesdobutflatter，thattheymaypickyourpocket;observewhataparcelofhungryraggedfellowslivebyyourcause;tobesuretheywillnevermakeanendofit。Iforeseethishauntyouhavegotaboutthecourtswillonedayoranotherbringyourfamilytobeggary。Consider，mydear，howindecentitistoabandonyourshopandfollowpettifoggers;thehabitissostronguponyou，thatthereishardlyapleabetweentwocountryesquires，aboutabarrenacreuponacommon，butyoudrawyourselfinasbail，surety，orsolicitor。\"
Johnheardherallthiswhilewithpatience，tillsheprickedhismaggot，andtouchedhiminthetenderpoint。Thenhebrokeoutintoaviolentpassion：\"What，Inotfitforalawyer？letmetellyou，myclod-patedrelationsspoiledthegreatestgeniusintheworldwhentheybredmeamechanic。LordStrutt，andhisoldrogueofagrandsire，havefoundtotheircostthatIcanmanagealawsuitaswellasanother。\"\"Idon’tdenywhatyousay，\"repliedMrs。Bull，\"nordoIcallinquestionyourparts;but，Isay，itdoesnotsuitwithyourcircumstances;youandyourpredecessorshavelivedingoodreputationamongyourneighboursbythissameclothing-trade，anditweremadnesstoleaveitoff。Besides，therearefewthatknowallthetricksandcheatsoftheselawyers。Doesnotyourownexperienceteachyouhowtheyhavedrawnyouonfromonetermtoanother，andhowyouhavedancedtheroundofallthecourts，stillflatteringyouwithafinalissue;and，foraughtIcansee，yourcauseisnotabitclearerthanitwassevenyearsago。\"\"Iwillbehanged，\"saysJohn，\"ifIacceptofanycompositionfromStruttorhisgrandfather;I’llratherwheelaboutthestreetsanenginetogrindknivesandscissors。However，I’lltakeyouradvice，andlookovermyaccounts。\"
*AnewParliament：theaversionofaToryHouseofCommonstowar。
CHAPTERXI。HowJohnlookedoverhisAttorney’sBill。*
*Lookingovertheaccounts。
WhenJohnfirstbroughtoutthebills，thesurpriseofallthefamilywasunexpressibleattheprodigiousdimensionsofthem;theywouldhavemeasuredwiththebestbaleofclothinJohn’sshop。
Feestojudges，punyjudges，clerks，prothonotaries，philisers，chirographers，under-clerks，proclamators，counsel，witnesses，jurymen，marshals，tipstaffs，criers，porters;forenrollings，exemplifications，bails，vouchers，returns，caveats，examinations，filingsofwords，entries，declarations，replications，recordats，nolleprosequies，certioraries，mittimuses，demurrers，specialverdicts，informations，scirefacias，supersedeas，habeascorpus，coach-hire，treatingofwitnesses，etc。\"Verily，\"saysJohn，\"thereareaprodigiousnumberoflearnedwordsinthislaw;whataprettyscienceitis！\"\"Aybut，husband，youhavepaidforeverysyllableandletterofthesefinewords。Blessme，whatimmensesumsareatthebottomoftheaccount！\"Johnspentseveralweeksinlookingoverhisbills，and，bycomparingandstatinghisaccounts，hediscoveredthat，besidestheextravaganceofeveryarticle，hehadbeenegregiouslycheated;thathehadpaidforcounselthatwereneverfee’d，forwritsthatwereneverdrawn，fordinnersthatwereneverdressed，andjourneysthatwerenevermade;inshort，thatthetradesmen，lawyers，andFroghadagreedtothrowtheburdenofthelawsuituponhisshoulders。
CHAPTERXII。HowJohngrewangry，andresolvedtoacceptaComposition;andwhatMethodswerepractisedbytheLawyersforkeepinghimfromit。*
WellmightthelearnedDanielBurgesssay，\"Thatalawsuitisasuitforlife。Hethatsowshisgrainuponmarblewillhavemanyahungrybellybeforeharvest。\"ThisJohnfeltbywoefulexperience。
John’scausewasagoodmilchcow，andmanyamansubsistedhisfamilyoutofit。However，Johnbegantothinkithightimetolookabouthim。Hehadacousininthecountry，oneSirRogerBold，whosepredecessorshadbeenbreduptothelaw，andknewasmuchofitasanybody;buthavingleftofftheprofessionforsometime，theytookgreatpleasureincompoundinglawsuitsamongtheirneighbours，forwhichtheyweretheaversionofthegentlemenofthelongrobe，andatperpetualwarwithallthecountryattorneys。
JohnputhiscauseinSirRoger’shands，desiringhimtomakethebestofit。Thenewshadnosoonerreachedtheearsofthelawyers，buttheywereallinanuproar。TheybroughtalltherestofthetradesmenuponJohn。**SquireSouthsworehewasbetrayed，thathewouldstarvebeforehecompounded;Frogsaidhewashighlywronged;
evenlyingNedthechimney-sweeperandTomthedustmancomplainedthattheirinterestwassacrificed;thelawyers，solicitors，Hocusandhisclerks，wereallupinarmsatthenewsofthecomposition：
theyabusedhimandhiswifemostshamefully。\"Yousilly，awkward，ill-bredcountrysow，\"quothone，\"haveyounomoremannersthantorailatHocusthathassavedthatclod-patednumskulledninny-hammerofyoursfromruin，andallhisfamily？Itiswellknownhowhehasroseearlyandsatuplatetomakehimeasy，whenhewassottingateveryalehouseintown。Iknewhislastwife：shewasawomanofbreeding，goodhumour，andcomplaisance——knewhowtoliveintheworld。Asforyou，youlooklikeapuppetmovedbyclockwork;yourclotheshanguponyouastheywereupontenter-hooks;andyoucomeintoaroomasyouweregoingtostealawayapintpot。Getyougoneinthecountry，tolookafteryourmother’spoultry，tomilkthecows，churnthebutter，anddressupnosegaysforaholiday，andnotmeddlewithmatterswhichyouknownomoreofthanthesign-postbeforeyourdoor。ItiswellknownthatHocushasanestablishedreputation;heneversworeanoath，nortoldalie，inallhislife;
heisgratefultohisbenefactors，faithfultohisfriends，liberaltohisdependents，anddutifultohissuperiors;hevaluesnotyourmoneymorethanthedustunderhisfeet，buthehatestobeabused。
Onceforall，Mrs。Minx，leaveofftalkingofHocus，orIwillpulloutthesesaucer-eyesofyours，andmakethatredstreakcountryfacelookasrawasanox-cheekuponabutcher’s-stall;remember，Isay，thattherearepilloriesandducking-stools。\"***Withthisawaytheyflung，leavingMrs。Bullnotimetoreply。NostonewasleftunturnedtofrightenJohnfromhiscomposition。Sometimestheyspreadreportsatcoffee-housesthatJohnandhiswifewererunmad;
thattheyintendedtogiveuphouse，andmakeoveralltheirestatetoLewisBaboon;thatJohnhadbeenoftenheardtalkingtohimself，andseeninthestreetswithoutshoesorstockings;thathedidnothingfrommorningtillnightbutbeathisservants，afterhavingbeenthebestmasteralive。Asforhiswife，shewasamerenatural。SometimesJohn’shousewasbesetwithawholeregimentofattornies’clerks，bailiffs，andbailiffs’followers，andothersmallretainersofthelaw，whothrewstonesathiswindows，anddirtathimselfashewentalongthestreet。WhenJohncomplainedofwantofready-moneytocarryonhissuit，theyadvisedhimtopawnhisplateandjewels，andthatMrs。Bullshouldsellherlinenandwearingclothes。
*Talkofpeace，andthestruggleofthepartyagainstit。
**TheendeavoursmadeuseoftostoptheTreatyofPeace，***ReflectionsupontheHouseofCommonsasignorant，whoknownothingofbusiness。
CHAPTERXIII。Mrs。Bull’svindicationoftheindispensabledutyincumbentuponWivesincaseoftheTyranny，Infidelity，orInsufficiencyofHusbands;beingafullAnswertotheDoctor’sSermonagainstAdultery。*
*TheTories’representationofthespeechesatSacheverel’strial。
Johnfounddailyfreshproofsoftheinfidelityandbaddesignsofhisdeceasedwife;amongstotherthings，onedaylookingoverhiscabinet，hefoundthefollowingpaper：——
\"Itisevidentthatmatrimonyisfoundeduponanoriginalcontract，wherebythewifemakesovertherightshehasbythelawofNatureinfavourofthehusband，bywhichheacquiresthepropertyofallherposterity。But，then，theobligationismutual;andwherethecontractisbrokenononesideitceasestobindontheother。
Wherethereisarighttheremustbeapowertomaintainitandtopunishtheoffendingparty。ThispowerIaffirmtobethatoriginalright，orratherthatindispensabledutylodgedinallwivesinthecasesabovementioned。Nowifeisboundbyanylawtowhichherselfhasnotconsented。Alleconomicalgovernmentislodgedoriginallyinthehusbandandwife，theexecutivepartbeinginthehusband;
bothhavetheirprivilegessecuredtothembylawandreason;butwillanymaninferfromthehusbandbeinginvestedwiththeexecutivepower，thatthewifeisdeprivedofhershare，andthatshehasnoremedyleftbutprecesandlacrymae，oranappealtoasupremecourtofjudicature？Nolessfrivolousarethearrangementsthataredrawnfromthegeneralappellationsandtermsofhusbandandwife。Ahusbanddenotesseveraldifferentsortsofmagistracy，accordingtotheusagesandcustomsofdifferentclimatesandcountries。Insomeeasternnationsitsignifiesatyrant，withtheabsolutepoweroflifeanddeath。InTurkeyitdenotesanarbitrarygovernor，withpowerofperpetualimprisonment;inItalyitgivesthehusbandthepowerofpoisonandpadlocks;inthecountriesofEngland，France，andHolland，ithasaquitedifferentmeaning，implyingafreeandequalgovernment，securingtothewifeincertaincasesthelibertyofchange，andthepropertyofpin-moneyandseparatemaintenance。Sothattheargumentsdrawnfromthetermsofhusbandandwifearefallacious，andbynomeansfittosupportatyrannicaldoctrine，asthatofabsoluteunlimitedchastityandconjugalfidelity。
\"Thegeneralexhortationstofidelityinwivesaremeantonlyforrulesinordinarycases，buttheynaturallysupposethreeconditionsofability，justice，andfidelityinthehusband;suchanunlimited，unconditionedfidelityinthewifecouldneverbesupposedbyreasonablemen。ItseemsareflectionupontheChurchtochargeherwithdoctrinesthatcountenanceoppression。
\"ThisdoctrineoftheoriginalrightofchangeiscongruoustothelawofNature，whichissuperiortoallhumanlaws，andforthatI
dareappealtoallwives：ItismuchtothehonourofourEnglishwivesthattheyhavenevergivenupthatfundamentalpoint，andthatthoughinformeragestheyweremuffledupindarknessandsuperstition，yetthatnotionseemedengravenontheirminds，andtheimpressionsostrongthatnothingcouldimpairit。
\"Toasserttheillegalityofchange，uponanypretencewhatsoever，weretocastodiouscoloursuponthemarriedstate，toblackenthenecessarymeansofperpetuatingfamilies——suchlawscanneverbesupposedtohavebeendesignedtodefeattheveryendofmatrimony。
Icallthemnecessarymeans，forinmanycaseswhatothermeansareleft？Suchadoctrinewoundsthehonouroffamilies，unsettlesthetitlestokingdoms，honours，andestates;foriftheactionsfromwhichsuchsettlementsspringwereillegal，allthatisbuiltuponthemmustbesotoo;butthelastisabsurd，thereforethefirstmustbesolikewise。WhatisthecausethatEuropegroansatpresentundertheheavyloadofacruelandexpensivewar，butthetyrannicalcustomofacertainnation，andthescrupulousnicetyofasillyqueeninnotexercisingthisindispensableduty，wherebythekingdommighthavehadanheir，andacontrovertedsuccessionmighthavebeenavoided。Thesearetheeffectsofthenarrowmaximsofyourclergy，’Thatonemustnotdoevilthatgoodmaycomeofit。’
\"Theassertorsofthisindefeasibleright，andjusdivinumofmatrimony，doallintheirheartsfavourthepretenderstomarriedwomen;forifthetruelegalfoundationofthemarriedstatebeoncesapped，andinsteadthereoftyrannicalmaximsintroduced，whatmustfollowbutelopementsinsteadofsecretandpeaceablechange？
\"Fromallthathasbeensaid，onemayclearlyperceivetheabsurdityofthedoctrineofthisseditious，discontented，hot-headed，ungifted，unedifyingpreacher，asserting’thatthegrandsecurityofthematrimonialstate，andthepillaruponwhichitstands，isfoundeduponthewife’sbeliefofanabsoluteunconditionalfidelitytothehusband;’bywhichboldassertionhestrikesattheroot，digsthefoundation，andremovesthebasisuponwhichthehappinessofamarriedstateisbuilt。Asforhispersonalreflections，I
wouldgladlyknowwhoarethose’wantonwives’hespeaksof？whoarethoseladiesofhighstationsthathesoboldlytraducesinhissermon？Itisprettyplainwhotheseaspersionsareaimedat，forwhichhedeservesthepillory，orsomethingworse。
\"Inconfirmationofthisdoctrineoftheindispensabledutyofchange，Icouldbringtheexampleofthewisestwivesinallages，whobythesemeanshavepreservedtheirhusband’sfamiliesfromruinandoblivionbywantofposterity;butwhathasbeensaidisasufficientgroundforpunishingthispragmaticalparson。\"
CHAPTERXIV。ThetwogreatPartiesofWives，theDevotosandtheHitts。*
*Thosewhowereforandagainstthedoctrineofnonresistance。
Thedoctrineofunlimitedfidelityinwiveswasuniversallyespousedbyallhusbands，whowentaboutthecountryandmadethewivessignpaperssignifyingtheirutterdetestationandabhorrenceofMrs。
Bull’swickeddoctrineoftheindispensabledutyofchange。Someyielded，othersrefusedtopartwiththeirnativeliberty，whichgaverisetotwogreatpartiesamongstthewives，theDevotosandtheHitts。Though，itmustbeowned，thedistinctionwasmorenominalthanreal;fortheDevotoswouldabusefreedomssometimes，andthosewhoweredistinguishedbythenameofHittswereoftenveryhonest。Atthesametimetherewasaningenioustreatisecameoutwiththetitleof\"GoodAdvicetoHusbands，\"inwhichtheyarecounsellednottotrusttoomuchtotheirwivesowningthedoctrineofunlimitedconjugalfidelity，andsotoneglectaduewatchfulnessoverthemannersoftheirwives;thatthegreatestsecuritytohusbandswasagoodusageoftheirwivesandkeepingthemfromtemptation，manyhusbandshavingbeensufferersbytheirtrustingtoomuchtogeneralprofessions，aswasexemplifiedinthecaseofafoolishandnegligenthusband，who，trustingtotheefficacyofthisprinciple，wasundonebyhiswife’selopementfromhim。
CHAPTERXV。AnAccountoftheConferencebetweenMrs。BullandDonDiego。*
*ATorynoblemanwho，byhisinfluenceupontheHouseofCommons，endeavouredtostoptheTreaty。
Thelawyers，astheirlastefforttoputoffthecomposition，sentDonDiegotoJohn。DonDiegowasaveryworthygentleman，afriendtoJohn，hismother，andpresentwife，and，therefore，supposedtohavesomeinfluenceoverher。HehadbeenillusedhimselfbyJohn’slawyers，butbecauseofsomeanimositytoSirRogerwasagainstthecomposition。TheconferencebetweenhimandMrs。Bullwaswordforwordasfollows：——
DONDIEGO。——Isitpossible，cousinBull，thatyoucanforgetthehonourablemaximsofthefamilyyouarecomeof，andbreakyourwordwiththreeofthehonestest，best-meaningpersonsintheworld——
EsquiresSouth，Frog，andHocus——thathavesacrificedtheirintereststoyours？Itisbasetotakeadvantageoftheirsimplicityandcredulity，andleavetheminthelurchatlast。
MRS。BULL——Iamsuretheyhaveleftmyfamilyinabadcondition，wehavehardlymoneytogotomarket;andnobodywilltakeourwordsforsixpence。AveryfinesparkthisEsquireSouth！Myhusbandtookhimin，adirtyboy。Itwasthebusinessofhalftheservantstoattendhim。*Theroguedidbawlandmakesuchanoise：
sometimeshefellinthefireandburnthisface，sometimesbrokehisshinsclamberingoverthebenches，andalwayscameinsodirty，asifhehadbeendraggedthroughthekennelataboarding-school。
Helosthismoneyatchuck-farthing，shuffle-cap，andall-fours;
soldhisbooks，pawnedhislinen，whichwewerealwaysforcedtoredeem。Thenthewholegenerationofhimaresoinlovewithbagpipesandpuppet-shows！Iwishyouknewwhatmyhusbandhaspaidatthepastry-cook’sandconfectioner’sforNaplesbiscuits，tarts，custards，andsweetmeats。Allthiswhilemyhusbandconsideredhimasagentlemanofagoodfamilythathadfallenintodecay，gavehimgoodeducation，andhassettledhiminagoodcreditablewayofliving——havingprocuredhim，byhisinterest，oneofthebestplacesofthecountry。Andwhatreturn，thinkyou，doesthisfinegentlemanmakeus？hewillhardlygivemeormyhusbandagoodword，oracivilexpression。InsteadofSirandMadam（which，thoughI
sayit，isourdue），hecallsus\"goody\"and\"gaffer\"such-a-one;
sayshedidusagreatdealofhonourtoboardwithus;huffsanddingsatsucharate，becausewewillnotspendthelittlewehavelefttogethimthetitleandestateofLordStrutt;andthenforsooth，weshallhavethehonourtobehiswoollen-drapers。**
Besides，EsquireSouthwillbeEsquireSouthstill;fickle，proud，andungrateful。Ifhebehaveshimselfsowhenhedependsonusforhisdailybread，cananymansaywhathewilldowhenheisgotabovetheworld？
*Somethingrelatingtothemannersofagreatprince，superstition，loveofoperas，shows，etc。
**Somethingrelatingtoformsandtitles。
D。DIEGO。——Andwouldyoulosethehonourofsonobleandgenerousanundertaking？Wouldyouratheracceptthisscandalouscomposition，andtrustthatoldrogue，LewisBaboon？
MRS。BULL。——Lookyou，FriendDiego，ifwelawitontillLewisturnshonest，IamafraidourcreditwillrunlowatBlackwellHall。I
wisheverymanhadhisown;butIstillsay，thatLordStrutt’smoneyshinesasbrightandchinksaswellasEsquireSouth’s。I
don’tknowanyotherholdthatwetradesmenhaveofthesegreatfolksbuttheirinterest：buydearandsellcheap，andIwarrantyeyouwillkeepyourcustomer。Theworstis，thatLordStrutt’sservantshavegotsuchahauntaboutthatoldrogue’sshop，thatitwillcostusmanyafirkinofstrongbeertobringthembackagain;
andthelongertheyareinabadroad，theharderitwillbetogetthemoutofit。
D。DIEGO。——ButpoorFrog，whathashedone！Onmyconscience，iftherebeanhonest，sinceremanintheworld，itisthatFrog。
MRS。BULL。——IthinkIneednottellyouhowmuchFroghasbeenobligedtoourfamilyfromhischildhood;hecarrieshisheadhighnow，buthehadneverbeenthemanheiswithoutourhelp。*Eversincethecommencementofthislawsuit，ithasbeenthebusinessofHocus，insharingoutexpenses，topleadforFrog。\"PoorFrog，\"
sayshe，\"isinhardcircumstances，hehasanumerousfamily，andlivesfromhandtomouth;hischildrendon’teatabitofgoodvictualsfromoneyear’sendtotheother，butliveuponsaltherring，sourcurd，andborecole。Hedoeshisutmost，poorfellow，tokeepthingsevenintheworld，andhasexertedhimselfbeyondhisabilityinthislawsuit;buthereallyhasnotwherewithaltogoon。
Whatsignifiesthishundredpounds？placeituponyoursideoftheaccount;itisagreatdealtopoorFrog，andatrifletoyou。\"
ThishasbeenHocus’sconstantlanguage，andIamsurehehashadobligationsenoughtoustohaveactedanotherpart。
*ComplaintsoftheHouseofCommonsoftheunequalburdenofthewar。
D。DIEGO。——NodoubtHocusmeantallthisforthebest，butheisatender-hearted，charitableman;Frogisindeedinhardcircumstances。
MRS。BULL——Hardcircumstances！Iswearthisisprovokingtothelastdegree。Allthetimeofthelawsuit，asfastasIhavemortgaged，Froghaspurchased：fromaplaintradesman，withashop，warehouse，andacountryhutwithadirtyfish-pondattheendofit，heisnowgrownaveryrichcountrygentleman，withanoblelandedestate，noblepalaces，manors，parks，gardens，andfarms，finerthananywewereevermasterof。*Isitnotstrange，whenmyhusbanddisbursedgreatsumseveryterm，Frogshouldbepurchasingsomenewfarmormanor？sothatifthislawsuitlasts，hewillbefartherichestmaninhiscountry。Whatisworsethanallthis，hestealsawaymycustomerseveryday;twelveoftherichestandthebesthaveleftmyshopbyhispersuasion，andwhom，tomycertainknowledge，hehasunderbondsnevertoreturnagain：judgeyouifthisbeneighbourlydealing。
*TheDutchacquisitionsinFlanders。
D。DIEGO——Frogisindeedprettycloseinhisdealings，butveryhonest：youaresotouchy，andtakethingssohotly，Iamsuretheremustbesomemistakeinthis。
MRS。BULL——Aplaguyoneindeed！Youknow，andhaveoftentoldmeofit，howHocusandthoserogueskeptmyhusband，JohnBull，drunkforfiveyearstogetherwithpunchandstrongwaters：Iamsureheneverwentonenightsobertobed，tilltheygothimtosignthestrangestdeedthateveryousawinyourlife。ThemethodstheytooktomanagehimI’lltellyouanothertime;atpresentI’llreadonlythewriting。
ArticlesofAgreementbetwixtJOHNBULL，Clothier，andNICHOLAS
FROG，Linen-draper。*
*ThesentimentsoftheHouseofCommons，andtheirrepresentationoftheBarrierTreaty。
I。Thatformaintainingtheancientgoodcorrespondenceandfriendshipbetweenthesaidparties，I，NicholasFrog，dosolemnlyengageandpromisetokeeppeaceinJohnBull’sfamily;thatneitherhiswife，children，norservants，givehimanytrouble，disturbance，ormolestationwhatsoever，buttoobligethemalltodotheirdutyquietlyintheirrespectivestations。AndwhereasthesaidJohnBull，fromtheassuredconfidencethathehasinmyfriendship，hasappointedmeexecutorofhislastwillandtestament，andguardiantohischildren，Idoundertakeforme，myheirsandassigns，toseethesamedulyexecutedandperformed，andthatitshallbeunalterableinallitspartsbyJohnBull，oranybodyelse：forthatpurposeitshallbelawfulandallowableformetoenterhishouseatanyhourofthedayornight，tobreakopenbars，bolts，anddoors，chestsofdrawers，andstrongboxes，inordertosecurethepeaceofmyfriendJohnBull’sfamily，andtoseehiswilldulyexecuted。
II。InconsiderationofwhichkindneighbourlyofficeofNicholasFrog，inthathehasbeenpleasedtoacceptoftheaforesaidtrust，I，JohnBull，havingdulyconsideredthatmyfriend，NicholasFrog，atthistimelivesinamarshysoilandunwholesomeair，infestedwithfogsanddamps，destructiveofthehealthofhimself，wife，andchildren，dobindandobligeme，myheirsandassigns，topurchaseforthesaidNicholasFrog，withthebestandreadiestofmycash，bonds，mortgages，goodsandchattels，alandedestate，withparks，gardens，palaces，rivers，fields，andoutlets，consistingofaslargeextentasthesaidNicholasFrogshallthinkfit。AndwhereasthesaidNicholasFrogisatpresenthemmedintooclosebythegroundsofLewisBaboon，masterofthescienceofdefence，I，thesaidJohnBull，doobligemyselfwiththereadiestofmycash，topurchaseandenclosethesaidgrounds，forasmanyfieldsandacresasthesaidNicholasshallthinkfit;totheintentthatthesaidNicholasmayhavefreeegressandregress，withoutletormolestation，suitabletothedemandsofhimselfandfamily。
III。Furthermore，thesaidJohnBullobligeshimselftomakethecountryneighboursofNicholasFrogallotacertainpartofyearlyrents，topayfortherepairsofthesaidlandedestate，totheintentthathisgoodfriend，NicholasFrog，maybeeasedofallcharges。
IV。AndwhereasthesaidNicholasFrogdidcontractwiththedeceasedLordStruttaboutcertainliberties，privileges，andimmunities，formerlyinthepossessionofthesaidJohnBull，I，thesaidJohnBull，dofreelybythesepresents，renounce，quit，andmakeovertothesaidNicholas，theliberties，privileges，andimmunitiescontractedfor，inasfullamanner，asiftheyneverhadbelongedtome。
V。ThesaidJohnBullobligeshimself，hisheirsandassigns，nottoselloneragofbroadorcoarseclothtoanygentlemanwithintheneighbourhoodofthesaidNicholas，exceptinsuchquantitiesandsuchratesasthesaidNicholasshallthinkfit。
Signedandsealed，JOHNBULL，NIC。FROG。
ThereadingofthispaperputMrs。Bullinsuchapassionthatshefelldownrightintoafit，andtheywereforcedtogiveheragoodquantityofthespiritofhartshornbeforesherecovered。
D。DIEGO——Whyinsuchapassion，cousin？consideringyourcircumstancesatthattime，Idon’tthinkthissuchanunreasonablecontract。YouseeFrog，forallthis，isreligiouslytruetohisbargain;hescornstohearkentoanycompositionwithoutyourprivacy。
MRS。BULL。——Youknowthecontrary。*Readthatletter。
