第1章

INTRODUCTION JamesSheridanKnowleswasbornatCorkin1784，anddiedatTorquayinDecember，1862，attheageof78。Hisfatherwasateacherofelocution，whocompiledadictionary，andwhowasrelatedtotheSheridans。HemovedtoLondonwhenhissonwaseightyearsold，andtherebecameacquaintedwithWilliamHazlittandCharlesLamb。Theson，afterhisschooleducation，obtainedacommissioninthearmy，butgaveupeverythingforthestage，andmadehisfirstappearanceattheCrowStreetTheatre，inDublin。Hedidnotbecomeagreatactor，andwhenhetooktowritingplayshedidnotprovehimselfagreatpoet，buthisskillincontrivingsituationsthroughwhichagoodactorcanmakehispowerstelluponthepublic，wontheheartofthegreatactorofhisday，andasMacready’sownpoetherosetofame。 BeforeMacreadyhaddiscoveredhim，SheridanKnowleslivedpartlybyteachingelocutionatBelfastandGlasgow，partlybypracticeofelocutionasanactor。In1815heproducedattheBelfastTheatrehisfirstplay，CaiusGracchus。Hisnextplay，VirginiuswasproducedatGlasgowwithgreatsuccess。Macready，whohad，attheageofseventeen，begunhiscareerasanactorathisfather’stheatreinBirmingham，had，onMonday，October5th，1819，attheageoftwenty-six，takentheLondonersbystorminthecharacterofRichardIIICoventGardenreopeneditsclosedtreasury。ItwaspromptlyfollowedbyasuccessinCoriolanus，andMacready’splacewasmade。HewasatonceofferedfiftypoundsanightforappearingononeeveningaweekatBrighton。ItwasjustafterthatturninMacready’sfortunesthatafriendatGlasgowrecommendedtohimthepartofVirginiusinSheridanKnowles’splaylatelyproducedthere。 Heagreedunwillinglytolookatit，andsaysthatinApril，1820，theparcelcontainingtheMS。cameashewasgoingout。Hehesitated，thensatdowntoreaditthathemightgetawearisomejobover。Asheread，hesays，\"Thefreshnessandsimplicityofthedialoguefixedmyattention；Ireadonandon，andwassoonabsorbedintheinterestofthestoryandthepassionofitsscenes，tillatitscloseIfoundmyselfinsuchastateofexcitementthatforatimeIwasundecidedwhatsteptotake。Impulsewasintheascendant，andsnatchingupmypenIhurriedlywrote，asmyagitatedfeelingsprompted，alettertotheauthor，tomethenaperfectstranger。\"BryanProcter（BarryCornwall）readtheplaynextdaywithMacready，andconfirmedhiminhisadmirationofit。 Macreadyatoncegotitacceptedatthetheatre，wherenothingwasspentonscenery，buttherewasagoodcast，andtheenthusiasmofMacreadyasstagemanagerfortheoccasionhalfaffrontedsomeofhisseniors。Onthe17thofMay，1820，aboutamonthafteritcameintoMacready’shands，VirginiuswasproducedatCoventGarden，where，saystheactorinhis\"Reminiscences，\"\"thecurtainfellamidstthemostdeafeningapplauseofahighly-excitedauditory。\" SheridanKnowles’sfame，therefore，wasmade，likethatofhisfriendMacready，andthefriendshipbetweenauthorandactorcontinued。SheridanKnowleshadakindlysimplicityofcharacter，andthetwoqualitiesforwhichanactormostprizesadramatist，skillinprovidingopportunitiesforactingthatwilltell，andreadinesstomakeanychangesthattheactorasksfor。ThepostscripttohisfirstlettertoMacreadywas，\"Makeanyalterationsyoulikeinanypartoftheplay，andIshallbeobligedtoyou。\"WhenhebroughttothegreatactorhisplayofWilliamTell——CaiusGracchushadbeenproducedinNovember，1823——therewerepassagesofwritinginitthatstoppedthecourseofaction，and，saysMacready，\"Knowleshadlessofthetenacityofauthorshipthanmostwriters，\"sothattherewasnodifficultyaboutalterations，Macreadyhavinginaveryhighdegreethetenacityofactorship。 Andso，in1825，TellbecameanotherofMacready’sbestsuccesses。 SheridanKnowlescontinuedtowriteforthestageuntil1845，whenhewasdrawnwhollyfromthetheatrebyareligiousenthusiasmthatcausedhim，in1851，toessaythebreakingofalancewithCardinalWisemanonthesubjectofTransubstantiation。SirRobertPeelgaveeasetohislatterdaysbyapensionof200poundsayearfromtheCivilList，whichhehadhonourablyearnedbyacareerasdramatist，inwhichhesoughttoappealonlytothehighersenseofliterature，andtodrawenjoymentfromthepurestsource。Ofhisplaystimetwocomedies{1}heregivenareallthathavekepttheirplaceuponthestage。Asoneofthemostearnestdramaticwritersofthepresentcenturyheisentitledtoalittlecornerinourmemory。WorseworkofthepasthaslastedlongerthantheplaysofSheridanKnowlesarelikelytolastthroughthefuture。 H。M。 THEHUNCHBACK。 DRAMATISPERSONAE。 （ASORIGINALLYPERFORMEDATCOVENTGARDENIN1832。） JuliaMissF。KEMBLE。 HelenMissTAYLOR。 MasterWalterMr。J。S。KNOWLES。 SirThomasCliffordMr。C。KEMBLE。 LordTinselMr。WRENCH。 MasterWilfordMr。J。MASON。 ModusMr。ABBOTT。 MasterHeartwellMr。EVANS。 GayloveMr。HENRY。 FathomMr。MEADOWS。 ThomasMr。BARNES。 StephenMr。PAYNE。 WilliamsMr。IRWIN。 SimpsonMr。BRADY。 WaiterMr。HEATH。 HoldwellMr。BENDER。 {Mr。J。COOPER。 Servants{Mr。LOLLETT。 ACTI。 SCENEI。——ATavern。 OnonesideSIRTHOMASCLIFFORD，atatable，withwinebeforehim； ontheother，MASTERWILFORD，GAYLOVE，HOLDWELL，andSIMPSON，likewisetakingwine。 Wilf。Yourwine，sirs！yourwine！YoudonotjusticetominehostoftheThreeTuns，norcredittoyourselves；Iswearthebeverageisgood！ItisaspalatablepoisonasyouwillpurchasewithinamileroundLudgate！Drink，gentlemen；makefree。YouknowIamamanofexpectations；andholdmymoneyaslightasthepurseinwhichI carryit。 Gay。Wedrink，MasterWilford。Notamanofushasbeenchasedasyet。 Wilf。Butyoufillnotfairly，sirs！Lookatmymeasure！ Whereforealargeglass，ifnotforalargedraught？Fill，Iprayyou，elseletusdrinkoutofthimbles！ThiswillneverdoforthefriendsofthenearestofkintothewealthiestpeerinBritain。 Gay。Wegiveyoujoy，MasterWilford，oftheprospectofadvancementwhichhassounexpectedlyopenedtoyou。 Wilf。Unexpectedlyindeed！ButyesterdayarrivedthenewsthattheEarl’sonlysonandheirhaddied；andto-dayhastheEarlhimselfbeenseizedwithamortalillness。Hisdissolutionislookedforhourly；andI，hiscousininonlythethirddegree，knowntohimbuttobeunnoticedbyhim——adecayedgentleman’sson——gladofthetitleandrevenuesofascrivener’sclerk——amtheundoubtedsuccessortohisestatesandcoronet。 Gay。Haveyoubeensentfor？ Wilf。No；butIhavecertifiedtohisagent，MasterWalter，theHunchback，myexistence，andpeculiarpropinquity；andmomentarilyexpecthimhere。 Gay。Livesthereanyonethatmaydisputeyourclaim——Imeanvexatiously？ Wilf。Notaman，MasterGaylove。Iamthesoleremainingbranchofthefamilytree。 Gay。Doubtlessyoulookformuchhappinessfromthischangeoffortune？ Wilf。Aworld！ThreethingshaveIanespecialpassionfor。Thefinesthound，thefinesthorse，andthefinestwifeinthekingdom，MasterGaylove！ Gay。Thefinestwife？ Wilf。Yes，sir；Imarry。Oncetheearldomcomesintomyline，I shalltakemeasurestoperpetuateitsremainingthere。Imarry，sir！IdonotsaythatIshalllove。Myhearthaschangedmistressestoooftentosettledowninoneservitudenow，sir。Butfill，Iprayyou，friends。This，ifImistakenot，isthedaywhenceIshalldatemynewfortunes；and，forthatreason，hitherhaveIinvitedyou，that，havingbeensolongmybooncompanions，youshallbethefirsttocongratulateme。 [EnterWaiter] Waiter。Youarewanted，MasterWilford。 Wilf。Bywhom？ Waiter。OneMasterWalter。 Wilf。Hislordship’sagent！News，sirs！Showhimin！ [Waitergoesout] Myheart’saprophet，sirs——TheEarlisdead。 [EnterMASTERWALTER] Well，MasterWalter。Howaccostyoume？ Wal。Asyourimpatienceshowsmeyouwouldhaveme。 MyLord，theEarlofRochdale！ Gay。Giveyoujoy！ Hold。Allhappiness，mylord！ Simp。Longlifeandhealthuntoyourlordship！ Gay。Come！ We’lldrinktohislordship’shealth！’Tistwoo’clock，We’lle’encarousetillmidnight！Health，mylord！ Hold。Mylord，muchjoytoyou！ Simp。Allgoodtoyourlordship！ Wal。Givesomethingtothedead！ Gay。Givewhat？ Wal。Respect！ Hehasmadetheliving！Firsttohimthat’sgone，Say\"Peace！\"——andthenwithdecencytorevels！ Gay。Whatmeanstheknavebyrevels？ Wal。Knave？ Gay。Ay，knave！ Wal。Goto！Thou’rtflushedwithwine！ Gay。Thousayestfalse！ Thoughdidstthouneedaproofthouspeakesttrue，I’dgivetheeone。Thouseestbutonelordhere，AndIseetwo！ Wal。Reflect’stthouonmyshape？ Thouartavillain！ Gay。[Startingup。]Ha！ Wal。Acoward，too！ Draw！ [Drawinghissword。] Gay。Onlymarkhim！howhestrutsabout！ Howlaughshisstraightswordathisnobleback。 Wal。Doesit？Itcuffstheeforaliarthen！ [StrikesGAYLOVEwithhissword。] Gay。Ablow！ Wal。Another，lestyoudoubtthefirst！ Gay。Hisbloodonhisownhead！I’mforyou，sir！ [Draws。] Clif。Hold，sir！Thisquarrel’smine！ [Comingforwardanddrawing。] Wal。Nomanshallfightforme，sir！ Clif。Byyourleave，Yourpatience，pray！Mylord，forsoIlearnBehovesmetoaccostyou——foryourownsakeDrawoffyourfriend！ Wal。Nottillwehaveabout，sir！ Clif。Mylord，yourhappyfortuneillyougreet！ Illgreetitthosewholoveyou——greetingthusTheheraldofit！ Wal。Sir，what’sthattoyou？ Letgomysleeve！ Clif。Mylord，ifbloodbeshedOnthefairdawnofyourprosperity，Looknottoseethebrightnessofitsday。 ’Twillbeo’ercastthroughout！ Gay。Mylord，I’mstruck！ Clif。Yougavethefirstblow，andthehardestone！ Look，sir；ifswordsyouneedsmustmeasure，I’mYourmate，nothe！ Wal。I’mmateforanyman！ Clif。Drawoffyourfriend，mylord，foryourownsake！ Wilf。Come，Gaylove！let’shaveanotherroom。 Gay。Withallmyheart，since’tisyourlordship’swill。 Wilf。That’sright！Putup！Come，friends！ [WILFORDandFriendsgoout。] Wal。I’llfollowhim！ Whydoyouholdme？’Tisnotcourteousofyou！ Think’stthouIfearthem？Fear！IratethembutAsdust！dross！offals！Letmeatthem！——Nay，Callyouthiskind？thenkindnessknowInot； NordoIthankyoufor’t！Letgo，Isay！ Clif。Nay，MasterWalter，they’renotworthyourwrath。 Wal。HowknowyoumeforMasterWalter？ByMyhunchback，eh！——mystiltsoflegsandarms，Thefashionmoreofape’sthanman’s？Aha！ Soyouhaveheardthem，too——theirsavagegibesAsIpasson，——\"Theregoesmylord！\"aha！ Godmademe，sir，aswellasthemandyou。 ’Sdeath！Idemandofyou，unhandme，sir！ Clif。There，sir，you’refreetofollowthem！Goforth，AndI’llgotoo：soonyourwilfulnessShallfallwhate’erofevilmayensue。 Is’tfityouwasteyourcholeronaburr？ Thenothingsofthetown；whosesportitisTobreaktheirvillainjestsonworthymen，Thegraverstillthefitter！Fieforshame！ Regardwhatsuchwouldsay？SowouldnotI，Nomorethanheedacur。 Wal。You’reright，sir；right，Fortwentycrowns！Sothere’smyrapierup！ You’vedonemeagoodturnagainstmywill； Which，likeawaywardchild，whosepetisoff，Thatmadehimrestiveunderwholesomecheck，Inowrighthumblyown，andthankyoufor。 Clif。Nothanks，goodMasterWalter，oweyoume！ I’mgladtoknowyou，sir。 Wal。Iprayyou，now，Howdidyoulearnmyname？GuessedInotright？ Was’tnotmycomelyhunchthattaughtityou？ Clif。Iownit。 Wal。Right，Iknowit；youtelltruth。Ilikeyoufor’t。 Clif。ButwhenIhearditsaidThatMasterWalterwasaworthyman，Whosewordwouldpasson’changesoonashisbond； Aliberalman——forschemesofpublicgoodThatsetsdowntens，whereothersunitswrite； Acharitableman——thegoodhedoes，That’stoldof，notthehalf；InevermoreCouldseethehunchonMasterWalter’sback！ Wal。Youwouldnotflatterapoorcitizen？ Clif。Indeed，Iflatternot！ Wal。Ilikeyourface- Afrankandhonestone！Yourframe’swellknit，Proportioned，shaped！ Clif。Goodsir！ Wal。YournameisClifford- SirThomasClifford。Humph！You’renottheheirDirecttothefairbaronetcy？HeThatwas，wasdrownedabroad。AmInotright？ Yourcousin，was’tnot？——sosucceededyouTorankandwealth，yourbirthne’erpromisedyou。 Clif。Iseeyouknowmyhistory。 Wal。Ido。 You’reluckywhoconjointhebenefitsOfpenuryandabundance；forIknowYourfatherwasamanofslendermeans。 Youdonotblush，Isee。That’sright！Whyshouldyou？ Whatmerittobedroppedonfortune’shill？ Thehonouristomountit。You’dhavedoneit； Foryouweretrainedtoknowledge，industry，Frugality，andhonesty，——thesinewsThatsuresthelptheclimbertothetop，Andkeephimthere。Ihaveaclerk，SirThomas，Onceservedyourfather；there’stheriddleforyou。 Humph！Imaythankyouformylifeto-day。 Clif。Iprayyousaynotso。 Wal。ButIwillsayso！ BecauseIthinkso，knowso，feelso，sir！ Yourfortune，Ihaveheard，Ithink，isample！ Anddoubtlessyouliveupto’t？ Clif。’Twasmyrule，Andissostill，tokeepmyoutlay，sir，Aspanwithinmymeans。 Wal。Aprudentrule！ Theturfisaseductivepastime！ Clif。Yes。 Wal。Youkeeparacingstud？Youbet？ Clif。No，neither。 ’Twasstillmyfather’sprecept——\"BetteroweAyardoflandtolabour，thantochanceBedebtorforarood！\" Wal。’Twasawiseprecept。 You’veafairhouse——you’llgetamistressforit？ Clif。Intime！ Wal。Intime！’Tistimethychoiceweremade。 Is’tnotsoyet？OristhyladyloveTheneweststillthouseest？ Clif。Nay，notso。 I’dmarry，MasterWalter，butolduse- ForsincetheageofthirteenIhavelivedIntheworld——hasmademejealousofthethingThatflatteredmewithhopeofprofit。BargainsAnotherwouldsnapup，mightbeforme： TillIhadturnedandturnedthem！Speculations，Thatpromised，twenty，thirty，forty，fifty，Ay，cent-per-cent。returns，Iwouldnotlaunchin，Whenotherswereafloat，andoutatsea； WherebyImadesmallgains，butmissedgreatlosses。 Asever，then，IlookedbeforeIleaped，SodoInow。 Wal。Thou’rtallthebetterforit！ Let’ssee！Handfree——heartwhole——well-favoured——so！ Rich，titled！Letthatpass！——kind，valiant，prudent- SirThomas，Icanhelptheetoawife，Hastthouthelucktowinher！ Clif。MasterWalter！ Youjest！ Wal。Idonotjest。Ilikeyou！mark- Ilikeyou，andIlikenoteveryone！ Isayawife，sir，canIhelpyouto，ThepearlytextureofwhosedaintyskinAlonewereworththybaronetcy！FormAndfeaturehasshe，whereinmoveandglowThecharms，thatinthemarble，coldandstill，Culledbythesculptor’sjealousskillandjoinedthere，Inspireus！Sir，amaid，beforewhosefeet，Aduke——adukemightlayhiscoronet，Tolifthertohisstate，andpartnerher！ Afreshhearttoo！——ayoungfreshheart，sir；oneThatCupidhasnottoyedwith，andawarmone- Fresh，young，andwarm！markthat！amindtoboot； Wit，sir；sense，taste；——agardenstrictlytended- Wherenoughtbutwhatiscostlyflourishes！ Aconsortforaking，sir！Thoushaltseeher！ Clif。Ithankyou，MasterWalter！Asyouspeak，MethinksIseemeatthealtar-foot！ Herhandfastlockedinmine！——theringputon！ Mywedding-bellringsmerryinmyear； AndroundmethronggladtonguesthatgivemejoyTobethebridegroomofsofairabride！ Wal。What！sparkssothick？We’llhaveablazeanon！ Servant。[Entering。]Thechariot’satthedoor。 Wal。Itwaitsintime！ SirThomas，itshallbeartheetothebowerWheredwellsthisfair——forshe’snocitybelle，Bute’enasylvangoddess！ Clif。Havewithyou！ Wal。You’llblessthedayyouservedtheHunchback，sir！ [Theygoout。] SCENEII。——AGardenbeforeaCountryHouse。 [EnterJULIAandHELEN。] Helen。Ilikenot，Julia，thisyourcountrylife。 I’mwearyon’t！ Julia。Indeed？SoamnotI！ Iknownoother；wouldnootherknow！ Helen。Youwouldnootherknow！WouldyounotknowAnotherrelative？——anotherfriend- Anotherhouse——anotheranything，Becausetheonesyouhavealreadypleaseyou？ That’spoorcontent！Wouldyounotbemorerich，Morewise，morefair？ThesongthatlastyoulearnedYoufancywell；andthereforeshallyoulearnNoothersong？Yourvirginal，’tistrue，Hathasweettone；butdoesitfollowthence，Youshallnothaveanothervirginal？ Youmay，love，andasweeterone；andsoAsweeterlifemayfindthanthisyoulead！ Julia。Iseekitnot。Helen，I’mconstancy！ Helen。Soisacat，adog，asillyhen，Anowl，abat，——wheretheyarewonttolodgeThatstillsojourn，norcaretoshifttheirquarters。 Thou’rtconstancy？IamgladIknowthyname！ Thespidercomesofthesamefamily，Thatinhismeshyfortressspendshislife，Unlessyoupullitdownandscarehimfromit。 Andsothou’rtconstancy？Ar’tproudofthat？ I’llwarranttheeI’llmatchtheewithasnailFromyeartoyearthatneverleaveshishouse！ Suchconstancyforsooth！——aconstantgrubThathouseseverintheself-samenutWherehewasborn，tillhungerdriveshimout，Orplunderbreakeththroughhiscastlewall！ Andso，inverydeed，thou’rtconstancy！ Julia。Helen，youknowtheadageofthetree；- I’veta’enthebend。Thisrurallifeofmine，Enjoinedmebyanunknownfather’swill，I’veledfrominfancy。DebarredfromhopeOfchange，Ine’erhavesighedforchange。ThetownTomewaslikethemoon，foranythoughtIe’ershouldvisitit——norwasIschooledTothinkithalfsofair！ Helen。Nothalfsofair！ Thetown’sthesun，andthouhastdweltinnightE’ersincethybirth，nottohaveseenthetown！ Theirwomentherearequeens，andkingstheirmen； Theirhousespalaces！ Julia。Andwhatofthat？ Haveyourtown-palacesahalllikethis？ Couchessofragrant？wallssohigh-adorned？ Casementswithsuchfestoons，suchprospects，Helen，Asthesefairvistashave？Yourkingsandqueens！ SeemeaMay-dayqueen，andtalkofthem！ Helen。Extremesareeverneighbours。’TisastepFromonetotheother！WerethyconstancyAreasonablething——alittlelessOfconstancy——awoman’sconstancy- IshouldnotwonderwertthoutenyearshenceThemaidIknowtheenow；but，asitis，Theoddsaretentoone，thatthisdayyearWillseeourMay-dayqueenacityone！ Julia。Never！I’mweddedtoacountrylife： O，didyouhearwhatMasterWaltersays！ Ninetimesintenthetown’sahollowthing，Wherewhatthingsareisnoughttowhattheyshow； Wheremerit’snamelaughsmerit’sselftoscorn！ WherefriendshipandesteemthatoughttobeThetenantsofmen’shearts，lodgeintheirlooksAndtonguesalone。Wherelittlevirtue，withAcostlykeeper，passesforaheap； Aheapfornonethathasahomelyone！ Wherefashionmakesthelaw——yourumpirewhichYoubowto，whetherithasbrainsornot！ WhereFollytakethoffhiscapandbells，ToclaponWisdom，whichmustbearthejest！ Wheretopasscurrentyoumustseemthething，Thepassivething，thatothersthink；andnotYoursimple，honest，independentself！ Helen。Ay：sosaysMasterWalter。SeeInotWhatcanyoufindinMasterWalter，Julia，Tobesofondofhim！ Julia。He’sfondofme！ I’veknownhimsinceIwasachild。E’enthen，TheweekIthoughtaweary，heavyone，ThatbroughtnotMasterWalter。IhadthoseAboutmethenthatmadeafoolofme，Aschildrenoftarefooled；butmoreIlovedGoodMasterWalter’slessonthantheplayWithwhichthey’dsurfeitme。AsIgrewup，MorefrequentMasterWaltercame，andmoreIlovedtoseehim！Ihadtutorsthen，Menofgreatskillandlearning——butnotoneThattaughtlikeMasterWalter。Whatthey’dshowme，AndI，dullasIwas，butdoubtfulsaw，- AwordfromMasterWaltermadeasclearAsdaylight！Whenmyschoolingdayswereo’er- That’snowgoodthreeyearspast——threeyears——IvowI’mtwenty，Helen！——well，asIwassaying，WhenIhaddonewithschool，andallweregone，StillMasterWaltercame！andstillhecomes，Summerorwinter——frostorrain！I’veseenThesnowuponalevelwiththehedge，YettherewasMasterWalter！ Helen。Whocomeshere？ Acarriage，andagayone——whoalights？ Pshaw！OnlyMasterWalter！Whatseeyou，Whichthusrepairsthearchofthefairbrow，Afrownwasliketospoil？——Agentleman！ Oneofourtownkings！Mark！——Howsayyounow？ Wouldstbeatownqueen，Julia？Whichofus，Iwonder，comeshefor？ Julia。Forneitherofus； He’sMasterWalter’sclerk，mostlike。 Helen。Mostlike！ Markhimashecomesuptheavenue； Solooksaclerk！Aclerkhassuchagait！ Sodoesaclerkdress，Julia！——mindhishose- They’reverylikeaclerk’s！adiamondloopAndbutton，noteyou，forhisclerkship’shat，- O，certainlyaclerk！Avelvetcloak，Jerkinofsilk，anddoubletofthesame，- Foralltheworldaclerk！See，Julia，see，HowMasterWalterbows，andyieldshimplace，Thathemayfirstgoin——averyclerk！ I’lllearnofthee，love，whenI’dknowaclerk！ Julia。Iwonderwhoheis！ Helen。Wouldstliketoknow？ Wouldstforafancyridetotownwithhim？ Iprophesyhecomestotaketheethither！ Julia。Hene’ertakesmetotown！No，Helen，no！ Totownwhowill，acountrylifeforme！ Helen。We’llsee！ [EnterFATHOM。] Fath。You’rewanted，madam。 Julia。[Embarrassed。]Whichofus？ Fath。You，madam。 Helen。Julia！what’sthematter？Nay，Mountnottherosesosoon！HemustnotseeitAmonthhence。’Tislovesflower，whichonceshewears，Themaidisallhisown。 Julia。Goto！ Helen。BesureHecomestowoothee！Hewillbeartheehence； He’llmaketheechangethecountryforthetown。 Julia。I’mconstancy。Namehethetowntome，I’lltellwhatIthinkon’t！ Helen。ThenyouguessHecomesawooing？ Julia。Iguessnought。 Helen。Youdo！ Atyourgravewords，yourlips，morehonest，smile，Andshowthemtobetraitors。Hietohim。 Julia。Hietheetosoberness。 [Goesout。] Helen。Ay，willI，when，Thybridemaid，Ishallhietochurchwiththee。 Well，Fathom，whoiscome？ Fath。Iknownot。 Helen。What！Didstthounothearhisname？ Fath。Idid。 Helen。Whatis’t？ Fath。Inotednot。 Helen。Whathastthouearsfor，then？ Fath。Whatgoodwereitformetomindhisname？ IdobutwhatImustdo。TodothatIslabourquiteenough！ Wal。[Without。]What，Fathom！ Fath。Here。 Wal。[Entering。]Here，sirrah！Whereforedidstnotcometome？ Fath。Youdidnotbidmecome。 Wal。Icalledthee。 Fath。Yes。 AndIsaid\"Here；\"andwaitedthentoknowYourworship’swillwithme。 Wal。Wegototown。 Thymistress，thou，andallthehouse。 Fath。Well，sir？ Wal。Mak’stthounotreadythentogototown？ Hence，knave，despatch！ [FATHOMgoesout。] Helen。Gowetotown？ Wal。Wedo； ’Tisnowherfather’swillsheseesthetown。 Helen。I’mgladon’t。Goesshetoherfather？ Wal。No： Atthedesireofthinesheforatermsharesroofwiththee。 Helen。I’mverygladon’t。 Wal。What！ Youlikeher，then？Ithoughtyouwould。’TistimeSheseesthetown。 Helen。IthasbeentimeforthatThesesixyears。 Wal。Bythywisdom’scount。NodoubtYou’vetoldherwhatapreciousplaceitis。 Helen。Ihave。 Wal。Ievenguessedasmuch。ForthatItoldtheeofher；broughttheeheretoseeher； Andprayedtheetosojournaspacewithher； Thatitsfairspace，fromthytoofairreport，Mightstrikeanoviceless——solessdeceiveher。 Ididnotputtheeundercheck。 Helen。’Twasright，- ElsehadIbrokenloose，andrunthewilder！ Soknowsshenotherfatheryet：that’sstrange。 Ipritheehowdoesmine？ Wal。Well——verywell。 Newsforthee。 Helen。What？ Wal。Thycousinisintown。 Helen。MycousinModus？ Wal。MuchdoIsuspectThatcousin’snearertothyheartthanblood。 Helen。Pshaw！Wedmetoamustylibrary！ LovehimwhonothinglovesbutGreekandLatin！ But，MasterWalter，youforgetthemainSurpassingpointofall！Who’scomewithyou？ Wal。Ay，that’sthequestion！ Helen。IshesoldierorCivilian？lordorgentleman？He’srich，Ifthat’shischariot！Whereishisestate？ Whatbringsitin？Sixthousandpoundsayear？ Twelvethousand，maybe！Ishebachelor，Orhusband？BachelorI’msureheisComeshenothitherwooing，MasterWalter？ Nay，prithee，answerme！ Wal。WhosaysthysexArecurious？Thatthey’repatient，I’llbesworn； Andreasonable——veryreasonable- Tolookfortwentyanswersinabreath！ Come，thoushaltbeenlightened——butpropoundThyquestionsonebyone！Thou’rtfartooaptAscholar！MyabilitytoteachWillne’erkeeppace，Ifear，withthinetolearn。 [Theygoout。] SCENEIII。——AnApartmentintheHouse。 [EnterJULIA，followedbyCLIFFORD。] Julia。Nomore！Iprayyou，sir，nomore！ Clif。Iloveyou！ Julia。Youmockme，sir！ Clif。ThenistherenosuchthingOnearthasreverence；honourfilial，thefearOfkings，theaweofsupremeheavenitself，Areonlyshowsandsoundsthatstandfornothing。 Iloveyou！ Julia。Youhaveknownmescarceaminute！ Clif。Saybutamoment，stillIsayIloveyou！ Love’snotaflowerthatgrowsonthedullearth； Springsbythecalendar；mustwaitforthesun- Forrain；——maturesbyparts；——musttakeitstimeTostem，toleaf，tobud，toblow。ItownsArichersoil，andboastsaquickerseed！ Youlookforit，andseeitnot；andlo！ E’enwhileyoulook，thepeerlessflowerisup。 Consummateinthebirth！ Julia。Is’tfearIfeel？ Whyelseshouldbeatmyheart？Itcan’tbefear！ SomethingIneedsmustsay。You’refromthetown； Howcomesit，sir，youseekacountrywife？ Methinks’twilltaxhiswittoanswerthat。 Clif。Injoiningcontrastsliethlove’sdelight。 Complexion，stature，nature，matethit，Notwiththeirkinds，butwiththeiropposites。 Hencehandsofsnowinpalmsofrussetlie； TheformofHerculesaffectsthesylph’s； Andbreasts，thatcasethelion’sfear-proofheart，Findtheirmeetlodgeinarmswheretremorsdwell！ Haplyforthis，onAfric’sswarthyneck，HathEurope’spricelesspearlbeenseentohang，Thatmakestheorientpoor！Sowithdegrees，Rankpassesbythecirclet-gracedbrow，Upontheforehead，bare，ofnotelessnessToprintthenuptialkiss。AswithdegreesSois’twithhabits；thereforeI，indeedAgallantofthetown，thetownforsake，Towinacountrywife。 Julia。HispromptreplyMybackwardchallengeshames！MustIgiveo’er？ I’lltryhiswitagain。WhomarriesmeMustleadacountrylife。 Clif。ThelifeI’dlead！ Butfoolswouldflyfromit；forO！’tissweet！ Itfindstheheartout，bethereonetofind； Andcornersin’twherestoreofpleasureslodge，Weneverdreamedwerethere！Itistodwell’Midsmilesthatarenotneighbourstodeceit； Music，whosemelodyisoftheheart； Andgifts，thatarenotmadeforinterest，- AbundantlybestowedbyNature’scheek，Andvoice，andhand！Itistoliveonlife，Andhusbandit！ItistoconstantscanThehandiworkofHeaven。ItistoconItsmercy，bounty，wisdom，power！ItisTonearerseeourGod！ Julia。HowlikehetalksToMasterWalter！ShallIgiveito’er？ Notyet。Thouwouldstnotliveonehalfayear！ AquartermightstthouforthenoveltyOffieldsandtrees；butthenitneedsmustbeInsummertime，whentheygodressed。 Clif。Notit！ Inanytime——saywinter！FieldsandtreesHavecharmsformeinverywintertime。 Julia。Butsnowmayclothethemthen。 Clif。IlikethemfullAswellinsnow！ Julia。Youdo？ Clif。Ido。 Julia。ButnightWillhidebothsnowandthem，andthatsetsinEreafternoonisout。Aheavything，Acountryfiresideinawinter’snight，Toonebredinthetown，——wherewinter’ssaid，Forsunofgaietyandsportiveness，Tobeggarshiningsummer。 Clif。IshouldlikeAcountrywinter’snightespecially！ Julia。You’dsleepbythefire。 Clif。NotI；I’dtalktothee。 Julia。You’dtireofthat！ Clif。I’dreadtothee。 Julia。Andthat！ Clif。I’dtalktotheeagain。 Julia。AndsoonertireThanfirstyoudid，andfallasleepatlast。 You’dneverdotoleadacountrylife。 Clif。Youdealtooharshlywithme！Matchlessmaid，Aslovedinstructorbrightensdullestwit，Fearnottoundertakethechargeofme！ Awillingpupilkneelstothee，andlaysHistitleandhisfortuneatyourfeet。 Julia。Histitleandhisfortune！ [EnterMASTERWALTERandHELEN。——JULIA，disconcerted，retireswiththelatter。——CLIFFORDrises。] Wal。So，SirThomas！ Aha！youhusbandtime！Well，wasIright？ Is’tnotthejewelthatItoldyou’twas？ Wouldstthounotgivethineeyestowearit？Eh？ Ithasanowner，though，——nay，startnot，——oneThatmaybeboughttopartwith’t，andwithwhomI’llstandthyfriend——Iwill——Isay，Iwill！ Astrangeman，sir，andunaccountable： ButIcanhumourhim——willhumourhimForthysake，goodSirThomas；forIlikethee。 Well，is’tabargain？Come，thyhanduponit。 Awordortwowiththee。 [Theyretire。JULIAandHELENcomeforward。] Julia。Gouptotown！ Helen。HaveInotsaidittentimeso’ertothee？ Butifthoulikestitnot，protestagainstit。 Julia。Notif’tisMasterWalter’swill。 Helen。Whatthen？ ThouwouldstnotbreakthyheartforMasterWalter？ Julia。Thatfollowsnot！ Helen。Whatfollowsnot？ Julia。ThatI Shouldbreakmyheart，becausewegototown。 Helen。Indeed？——Oh，that’sanothermatter。Well，I’de’enadvisetheethentodohiswill； And，everafter，whenIprophesy，Believeme，Julia！ [Theyretire。MASTERWALTERcomesforward。] [EnterFATHOM。] Fath。Sopleaseyou，sir，aletter，——apost-hasteletter！Thebeareronhorseback，thehorseinafoam——smokinglikeaboilerattheheat——besureaposthasteletter！ Wal。Looktothehorseandrider。 [Openstheletterandreads。] What’sthis？Atestamentaddressedtome，Foundinhislordship’sescritoire，andthenceDirectedtobetakenbynohandButmine。Mypresenceinstantlyrequired。 [SIRTHOMAS，JULIA，andHELENcomeforward。] Come，mymistresses，Youdineintownto-day。Yourfather’swill，Itis，myJulia，thatyouseetheworld； Andthoushaltseeitinitsbestattire。 Itsgayestlooks——itsrichestfineryItshallputonforthee，thatthoumay’stjudgeBetwixtit，andthisrurallifeyou’velived。 BusinessofmomentI’mbutthusadvisedof，Touchingthewillofmylatenoblemaster，TheEarlofRochdale，recentlydeceased，Commandsmeforatimetoleavetheethere。 SirThomas，handhertothechariot。Nay，Itelltheetrue。Wegoindeedtotown！ [Theygoout。] ACTII。 SCENEI。——AnApartmentinMasterHeartwell’sHouse。 [EnterFATHOMandTHOMAS。] Thos。Well，Fathom，isthymistressup？ Fath。Sheis，MasterThomas，andbreakfasted。 Thos。Shestandsitwell！’Twasfive，yousay，whenshecamehome； andwantsitnowthree-quartersofanhouroften？Waittillherstockofcountryhealthisout。 Fath。’Twillcometothat，MasterThomas，beforeshelivesanothermonthintown！three，four，fivesixo’clockarenowthehoursshekeeps。’Twasotherwisewithherinthecountry。There，mymistressusedtorisewhattimeshenowliesdown。 Thos。Why，yes；she’schangedsinceshecamehither。 Fath。Changed，doyousay，MasterThomas？Changed，forsooth！I knownotthethinginwhichsheisnotchanged，savingthatsheisstillawoman。Itelltheethereisnokeepingpacewithhermoods。 Inthecountryshehadnoneofthem。WhenIbroughtwhatsheaskedfor，itwas\"Thankyou，Fathom，\"andnomoretodo；butnow，nothingcontentsher。Harkye！wereyouagentleman，MasterThomas，——forthenyouknowyouwouldbeadifferentkindofman，——howmanytimeswouldyouhaveyourcoataltered？ Thos。Why，MasterFathom，asmanytimesasitwouldtaketomakeitfitme。 Fath。Good！But，supposingitfittedtheeatthefirst？ Thos。ThenwouldIhaveitalterednotatall。 Fath。Good！Thouwouldstbeareasonablegentleman。Thouwouldsthaveaconscience。Nowharktoataleaboutmylady’slastgown。 Howmanytimes，thinkyou，tookIitbacktothesempstress？ Thos。Thrice，maybe。 Fath。Thrice，maybe！Twentytimes，maybe；andnotaturntoomany，forthetruthon’t。Twentytimes，ontheoathofthesempstress。Nowmarkme——canyoucount？ Thos。Afterafashion。 Fath。Youhavemuchtobethankfulfor，MasterThomas。YouLondonserving-menhaveaworldofthings，whichweinthecountryneverdreamof。Nowmark：-FourtimestookIitbackfortheflounce； twiceforthesleeves；threeforthetucker——Howmanytimesinallisthat？ Thos。Eighttimestoafraction，MasterFathom。 Fath。Whatamasteroffiguresyouare！Eighttimes——nowrecollectthat！Andthenfoundshefaultwiththetrimmings。Nowtellme，howmanytimestookIbackthegownforthetrimmings？ Thos。Eighttimesmore，perhaps！ Fath。Tentimestoacertainty。Howmanytimesmakesthat？ Thos。Eighteen，MasterFathom，bytheruleofaddition。 Fath。Andhowmanytimesmorewillmaketwenty？ Thee。Twice，bythesamerule。 Fath。Thouhastworkedwiththypencilandslate，MasterThomas！ Well，tentimes，asIsaid，tookIbackthegownforthetrimmings； andwasshecontentafterall？Iwarrantyouno，ormyearsdidnotpayforit。Shewished，shesaid，thattheslatternsempstresshadnottouchedthegown，fornoughthadshedonebutbotchedit。Nowwhatthinkyouhadthesempstressdonetothegown？ Thos。Tosurmisethat，Imustbelearnedinthesempstress’sart。 Fath。Thesempstress’sart！Thouhasthitit！Oh，thesweetsempstress！theexcellentsempstress！Mistressofherscissorsandneedles，whicharepointlessandedgelesstoherart！Thesempstresshaddonenothingtothegown；yetravesandstormsmymistressatherforhavingbotcheditinthemakingandmending；andordersherstraighttomakeanotherone，whichhomethesempstressbringsonTuesdaylast。 Thos。Andfoundthyfairmistressasmanyfaultswiththat？ Fath。Notone！Shefindsitaverypatternofagown！Awell- sittingflounce！Thesleevesafit——thetuckerafit——thetrimmingsherfancytoaT——ha！ha！ha！andshepraisedthesempstress——ha！ ha！ha！andshesmilesatme，andIsmile——ha！ha！ha！andthesempstresssmiles——ha！ha！ha！Now，whydidthesempstresssmile？ Thos。Thatshehadsucceededsowellinherart。 Fath。Thouhasthititagain！Thejademusthavebeenbornasempstress！IfeverImarry，sheshallworkformywife。Thegownwasthesamegown，andtherewasmymistress’stwentiethmood！ Thos。WhatthinkyouwillMasterWaltersaywhenhecomesback？I fearhe’llhardlyknowhiscountrymaidagain。Hassheyetfixedherwedding-day？ Fath。Shehas，MasterThomas。Icoaxeditfromhermaid。Shemarries，Mondayweek。 Thos。ComesnotMasterWalterbackto-day？ Fath。Yourmasterexpectshim。[Aringing。]Perhapsthat’she。I pritheegoandopenthedoor；do，MasterThomas，do；forprovesitmymaster，he’llsurelyquestionme。 Thos。AndwhatshouldIdo？ Fath。Answerhim，MasterThomas，andmakehimnonethewiser。 He’llgomad，whenhelearnshowmyladyflauntsit！Go！openthedoor，Iprithee。Fiftythings，MasterThomas，knowyou，foronethingthatIknow！Youcanturnandtwistamatterintoanyotherkindofmatter；andthentwistandturnitbackagain，ifneedsbe； somuchyouservantsofthetownbeatusofthecountry，MasterThomas。Openthedoor，now；do，MasterThomas，do！ [Theygoout。] SCENEII。——AGardenwithtwoArbours。 [EnterMASTERHEARTWELLandMASTERWALTERmeeting。] Heart。GoodMasterWalter，welcomebackagain！ Wal。I’mgladtoseeyou，MasterHeartwell！ Heart。How，Iprayyou，spedthemightybusinesswhichSosuddencalledyouhence？ Wal。Weighty，indeed！ Whatthouwouldstne’erexpect——wiltscarcebelieve！ Long-hiddenwrong，wondrouslycometolight，Andgreatrightdone！Butmoreofthisanon。 Nowofmywarddiscourse！Likesshethetown？ Howdoesshe？Isshewell？CanstmatchmeherAmongyourcitymaids？ Heart。Norcourtonesneither！ Shefaroutstripsthemall！ Wal。Iknewshewould。 Whatelsecouldfollowinamaidsobred？ Apuremind，MasterHeartwell！——notataintFromintercoursewiththedistemperedtown； Withwhichallcontactwaswalledout，until，Maturedinsoundness，Icouldtrusthertoit，Andsleepamidstinfection！ Heart。MasterWalter！ Wal。Well？ Heart。Tellme，prithee，whichislikelierToploughaseainsafety？——hethat’swontTosailinit，——orhethatbythechartIsmasterofitssoundings，bearings，——knowsIsheadlands，havens，currents——where’tisbold，Andwherebehovestokeepagoodlook-out。 Theonewillswim，wheresinkstheotherone？ Wal。Thedriftofthis？ Heart。Doyounotguessit？ Wal。Humph！ Heart。Ifyouwouldtrainamaidtoliveintown，Breedhernotinthecountry！ Wal。Sayyouso？ Andstandsshenotthetest？ Heart。Assnowstandsfire！ Yourcountrymaidhasmeltedallaway，Andplaysthecityladytotheheight； Hermorningsgivestomercers，milliners，Shoemakers，jewellers，andhaberdashers； Hernoons，tocalls；herafternoons，todressing； Evenings，toplaysanddrums；andnights，torouts，Balls，masquerades！Sleeponlyendstheriot，Whichwakingstillbegins！ Wal。I’mallamaze！ HowbearsSirThomasthis？ Heart。Why，patiently； Thoughonecanseewithpain。 Wal。Sheloveshim？Ha！ Thatshrugisdoubt！She’dne’erconsenttowedhimUnlessshelovedhim！——never！HeryoungfancyThepleasuresofthetown——newthings——havecaught，Anontheirholdwillslacken；she’llbecomeHerformerselfagain；toitsoldtrainOfsoberfeelingswillherheartreturn； Andthenshe’llgiveitwhollytothemanHervirginwisheschose！ Heart。HerecomesSirThomas； AndwithhimMasterModus。 Wal。Letthempass： IwouldnotseehimtillIspeakwithher。 [TheyretireintooneoftheArbours。] [EnterCLIFFORDandMODUS。] Clif。Adreadfulquestionisit，whenwelove，Toaskiflove’sreturned！IdidbelieveFairJulia’sheartwasmine——Idoubtitnow！ Butoncelastnightshedancedwithme，herhand，Tothisgallantandthatengaged，assoonAsaskedfor？Maidthatlovedwouldscarcedothis？ Norvisitwetogetherasweused，Whenfirstshecametotown。ShelovesmelessThanonceshedid——orlovesmenotatall。 Mod。I’mlittleskilled，SirThomas，intheworld： Whatmeanyounowtodo？ Clif。Remonstratewithher； Cometoanunderstanding，and，atonce，Ifsherepentsherpromisetobemine，Absolveherfromit——andsayfarewelltoher。 Mod。Lo，then，youropportunity——shecomes- Mycousinalso：——herwillIengage，Whilstyouconversetogether。 Clif。Nay，notyet！ Myheartturnscowardatthesightofher。 Staytillitfindsnewcourage！Letthempass。 [CLIFFORDandMODUSretireintotheotherArbour。] [EnterJULIAandHELEN。] Helen。So，MondayweekwillsaygoodmorntotheeAmaid，andbidgoodnightasoberwife！ Julia。ThatMondayweek，Itrust，willnevercome，Thatbragstomakeasoberwifeofme！ Helen。Howchangedyouare，myJulia！ Julia。Changemakeschange。 Helen。Whywedd’stthou，then？ Julia。BecauseIpromisedhim！ Helen。Thoulovesthim？ Julia。DoI？ Helen。He’samantolove！ Arightwell-favouredman！ Julia。Yourpoint’swellfavoured。 Wheredidyoupurchaseit？InGracechurchStreet？ Helen。Pshaw！nevermindmypoint，buttalkofhim。 Julia。I’drathertalkwiththeeaboutthelace。 Whereboughtyouit？InGracechurchStreet，Cheapside，Whitechapel，LittleBritain？Can’tyousayWhere’twasyouboughtthelace？ Helen。InCheapside，then。 Andnow，then，toSirThomas！HeisjustTheheightIlikeaman。 Julia。Thyfeather’sjustTheheightIlikeafeather！Mine’stooshort！ WhatshallIgivetheeinexchangeforit？ Helen。WhatshallIgivetheeforaminute’stalkAboutSirThomas？ Julia。Why，thyfeather。 Helen。Takeit！ Clif。[AsidetoModus。]What，likesshenottospeakofme？ Helen。AndnowLet’stalkaboutSirThomas——muchI’msureHelovesyou。 Julia。MuchI’msure，hehasaright！ ThoseknowIwhowouldgivetheireyestobeSirThomas，formysake！ Helen。Suchtoo，knowI。 But’mongthemnonethatcancomparewithhim，Notonesograceful。 Julia。WhatagracefulsetYourfeatherhas！ Helen。Nay，giveitbacktome，Unlessyoupaymefor’t。 Julia。Whatwas’ttoget？ Helen。Aminute’stalkwiththeeaboutSirThomas。 Julia。Talkofhistitle，andhisfortunethen。 Clif。[Aside。]Indeed！Iwouldnotlisten，yetImust！ Julia。Anamplefortune，Helen——IshallbeAhappywife！Whatrouts，whatballs，whatmasques，Whatgala-days！ Clif。[Aside。]Fortheseshemarriesme！ She’lltalkofthese！ Julia。Thinknot，whenIamwed，I’llkeepthehouseasowletdoeshertower，Alone，——wheneveryotherbird’sonwing。 I’llusemypalfrey，Helen；andmycoach； Mybarge，too，forexcursionontheThames： WhatdrivestoBarnet，Hackney，Islington！ WhatridestoEpping，Hounslow，andBlackheath！ WhatsailstoGreenwich，Woolwich，Fulham，Kew！ I’llsetapatterntoyourladywives！ Clif。[Aside。]Ay，lady？Trustme，notatmyexpense。