AdayortwolateritwasknownthroughoutthetownthatZaideeHookerhadsuedAdoniramHotchkissforbreachofpromise，andthatthedamageswerelaidatfivethousanddollars。AsinthosebucolicdaystheWesternpresswasunderthesecurecensorshipofarevolver，acautioustoneofcriticismprevailed，andanygossipwasconfinedtopersonalexpression，andeventhenattheriskofthegossiper。Nevertheless，thesituationprovokedtheintensestcuriosity。TheColonelwasapproached——untilhisstatementthatheshouldconsideranyattempttoovercomehisprofessionalsecrecyapersonalreflectionwithheldfurtheradvances。Thecommunitywerelefttothemoreostentatiousinformationofthedefendant’scounsel，Messrs。KitchamandBilser，thatthecasewas\"ridiculous\"
and\"rotten，\"thattheplaintiffwouldbenonsuited，andthefire-
eatingStarbottlewouldbetaughtalessonthathecouldnot\"bully\"thelaw，andthereweresomedarkhintsofaconspiracy。
Itwasevenhintedthatthe\"case\"wastherevengefulandpreposterousoutcomeoftherefusalofHotchkisstopayStarbottleanextravagantfeeforhislateservicestotheDitchCompany。ItisunnecessarytosaythatthesewordswerenotreportedtotheColonel。Itwas，however，anunfortunatecircumstanceforthecalmer，ethicalconsiderationofthesubjectthattheChurchsidedwithHotchkiss，asthisprovokedanequaladherencetotheplaintiffandStarbottleonthepartofthelargerbodyofnon-
churchgoers，whoweredelightedatapossibleexposureoftheweaknessofreligiousrectitude。\"I’veallushadmysuspicionso’
themearlycandle-lightmeetingsdownatthatgospelshop，\"saidonecritic，\"andIreckonDeaconHotchkissdidn’tropeinthegalstoattendjestforpsalm-singing。\"\"Thenforhimtogetupandleavetheboardaforethegame’sfinishedandtrytosneakoutofit，\"saidanother，——\"Isupposethat’swhattheycallRELIGIOUS。\"
Itwasthereforenotremarkablethatthecourt-housethreeweekslaterwascrowdedwithanexcitedmultitudeofthecuriousandsympathizing。Thefairplaintiff，withhermother，wasearlyinattendance，andundertheColonel’sadviceappearedinthesamemodestgarbinwhichshehadfirstvisitedhisoffice。Thisandherdowncast，modestdemeanorwereperhapsatfirstdisappointingtothecrowd，whohadevidentlyexpectedaparagonoflovelinessinthisCirceofthatgrim，asceticdefendant，whosatbesidehiscounsel。ButpresentlyalleyeswerefixedontheColonel，whocertainlymadeupinhisappearanceanydeficiencyofhisfairclient。Hisportlyfigurewasclothedinabluedresscoatwithbrassbuttons，abuffwaistcoatwhichpermittedhisfrilledshirt-
fronttobecomeerectileaboveit，ablacksatinstockwhichconfinedaboyishturned-downcollararoundhisfullneck，andimmaculatedrilltrousers，strappedovervarnishedboots。Amurmurranroundthecourt。\"Old’PersonallyResponsible’hasgothiswar-painton；\"\"TheOldWar-Horseissmellingpowder，\"werewhisperedcomments。Yetforallthat，themostirreverentamongthemrecognizedvaguely，inthisbizarrefigure，somethingofanhonoredpastintheircountry’shistory，andpossiblyfeltthespellofolddeedsandoldnamesthathadoncethrilledtheirboyishpulses。ThenewDistrictJudgereturnedColonelStarbottle’sprofoundlypunctiliousbow。TheColonelwasfollowedbyhisnegroservant，carryingaparcelofhymn-booksandBibles，who，withacourtesyevidentlyimitatedfromhismaster，placedonebeforetheoppositecounsel。This，afterafirstcuriousglance，thelawyersomewhatsuperciliouslytossedaside。ButwhenJim，proceedingtothejury-box，placedwithequalpolitenesstheremainingcopiesbeforethejury，theoppositecounselsprangtohisfeet。
\"IwanttodirecttheattentionoftheCourttothisunprecedentedtamperingwiththejury，bythisgratuitousexhibitionofmatterimpertinentandirrelevanttotheissue。\"
TheJudgecastaninquiringlookatColonelStarbottle。
\"MayitpleasetheCourt，\"returnedColonelStarbottlewithdignity，ignoringthecounsel，\"thedefendant’scounselwillobservethatheisalreadyfurnishedwiththematter——whichIregrettosayhehastreated——inthepresenceoftheCourt——andofhisclient，adeaconofthechurch——with——er——greatsuperciliousness。WhenIstatetoyourHonorthatthebooksinquestionarehymn-booksandcopiesoftheHolyScriptures，andthattheyarefortheinstructionofthejury，towhomIshallhavetorefertheminthecourseofmyopening，IbelieveIamwithinmyrights。\"
\"Theactiscertainlyunprecedented，\"saidtheJudgedryly，\"butunlessthecounselfortheplaintiffexpectsthejurytoSINGfromthesehymn-books，theirintroductionisnotimproper，andIcannotadmittheobjection。Asdefendant’scounselarefurnishedwithcopiesalso，theycannotplead’surprise，’asintheintroductionofnewmatter，andasplaintiff’scounselreliesevidentlyuponthejury’sattentiontohisopening，hewouldnotbethefirstpersontodistractit。\"Afterapauseheadded，addressingtheColonel，whoremainedstanding，\"TheCourtiswithyou，sir；proceed。\"
ButtheColonelremainedmotionlessandstatuesque，withfoldedarms。
\"Ihaveoverruledtheobjection，\"repeatedtheJudge；\"youmaygoon。\"
\"Iamwaiting，yourHonor，forthe——er——withdrawalbythedefendant’scounseloftheword’tampering，’asreferstomyself，andof’impertinent，’asreferstothesacredvolumes。\"
\"Therequestisaproperone，andIhavenodoubtwillbeaccededto，\"returnedtheJudgequietly。Thedefendant’scounselroseandmumbledafewwordsofapology，andtheincidentclosed。Therewas，however，ageneralfeelingthattheColonelhadinsomeway\"scored，\"andifhisobjecthadbeentoexcitethegreatestcuriosityaboutthebooks，hehadmadehispoint。
Butimpassiveofhisvictory，heinflatedhischest，withhisrighthandinthebreastofhisbuttonedcoat，andbegan。Hisusualhighcolorhadpaledslightly，butthesmallpupilsofhisprominenteyesglitteredlikesteel。Theyounggirlleanedforwardinherchairwithanattentionsobreathless，asympathysoquick，andanadmirationsoartlessandunconsciousthatinaninstantshedividedwiththespeakertheattentionofthewholeassemblage。Itwasveryhot；thecourtwascrowdedtosuffocation；eventheopenwindowsrevealedacrowdoffacesoutsidethebuilding，eagerlyfollowingtheColonel’swords。
HewouldremindthejurythatonlyafewweeksagohestoodthereastheadvocateofapowerfulCompany，thenrepresentedbythepresentdefendant。Hespokethenasthechampionofstrictjusticeagainstlegaloppression；nolessshouldheto-daychampionthecauseoftheunprotectedandthecomparativelydefenseless——saveforthatparamountpowerwhichsurroundsbeautyandinnocence——eventhoughtheplaintiffofyesterdaywasthedefendantofto-day。Asheapproachedthecourtamomentagohehadraisedhiseyesandbeheldthestarryflagflyingfromitsdome，andheknewthatgloriousbannerwasasymboloftheperfectequality，undertheConstitution，oftherichandthepoor，thestrongandtheweak——anequalitywhichmadethesimplecitizentakenfromtheploughinthefield，thepickinthegulch，orfrombehindthecounterintheminingtown，whoservedonthatjury，theequalarbitersofjusticewiththathighestlegalluminarywhomtheywereproudtowelcomeonthebenchto-day。TheColonelpaused，withastatelybowtotheimpassiveJudge。Itwasthis，hecontinued，whichliftedhisheartasheapproachedthebuilding。Andyet——hehadentereditwithanuncertain——hemightalmostsay——atimidstep。Andwhy？Heknew，gentlemen，hewasabouttoconfrontaprofound——aye！asacredresponsibility！Thosehymn-booksandholywritingshandedtothejurywereNOT，ashisHonorhadsurmised，forthepurposeofenablingthejurytoindulgein——er——preliminarychoralexercise！
Hemight，indeed，say，\"Alas，not！\"Theywerethedamning，incontrovertibleproofsoftheperfidyofthedefendant。AndtheywouldproveasterribleawarningtohimasthefatalcharactersuponBelshazzar’swall。Therewasastrongsensation。Hotchkissturnedasallowgreen。Hislawyersassumedacarelesssmile。
Itwashisdutytotellthemthatthiswasnotoneofthoseordinary\"breach-of-promise\"caseswhichweretoooftentheoccasionofruthlessmirthandindecentlevityinthecourt-room。
Thejurywouldfindnothingofthathere。Therewerenolove-
letterswiththeepithetsofendearment，northosemysticcrossesandcipherswhich，hehadbeencrediblyinformed，chastelyhidtheexchangeofthosemutualcaressesknownas\"kisses。\"Therewasnocrueltearingoftheveilfromthosesacredprivaciesofthehumanaffection；therewasnoforensicshoutingoutofthosefondconfidencesmeantonlyforONE。Buttherewas，hewasshockedtosay，anewsacrilegiousintrusion。TheweakpipingsofCupidweremingledwiththechorusofthesaints，——thesanctityofthetempleknownasthe\"meeting——house\"wasdesecratedbyproceedingsmoreinkeepingwiththeshrineofVenus；andtheinspiredwritingsthemselveswereusedasthemediumofamatoryandwantonflirtationbythedefendantinhissacredcapacityasdeacon。
TheColonelartisticallypausedafterthisthunderousdenunciation。
Thejuryturnedeagerlytotheleavesofthehymn-books，butthelargergazeoftheaudienceremainedfixeduponthespeakerandthegirl，whosatinraptadmirationofhisperiods。Afterthehush，theColonelcontinuedinalowerandsaddervoice：\"Thereare，perhaps，fewofushere，gentlemen，——withtheexceptionofthedefendant，——whocanarrogatetothemselvesthetitleofregularchurch-goers，ortowhomthesehumblerfunctionsoftheprayer-
meeting，theSunday-school，andtheBible-classarehabituallyfamiliar。Yet\"——moresolemnly——\"downinourheartsisthedeepconvictionofourshortcomingsandfailings，andalaudabledesirethatothers，atleast，shouldprofitbytheteachingsweneglect。
Perhaps，\"hecontinued，closinghiseyesdreamily，\"thereisnotamanherewhodoesnotrecallthehappydaysofhisboyhood，therusticvillagespire，thelessonssharedwithsomeartlessvillagemaiden，withwhomhelatersauntered，handinhand，throughthewoods，asthesimplerhymeroseupontheirlips，——
’Alwaysmakeitapointtohaveitarule，NevertobelateattheSabbath-school。’
Hewouldrecallthestrawberryfeasts，thewelcomeannualpicnic，redolentwithhunksofgingerbreadandsarsaparilla。Howwouldtheyfeeltoknowthatthesesacredrecollectionswerenowforeverprofanedintheirmemorybytheknowledgethatthedefendantwascapableofusingsuchoccasionstomakelovetothelargergirlsandteachers，whilsthisartlesscompanionswereinnocently——theCourtwillpardonmeforintroducingwhatIamcrediblyinformedisthelocalexpression——’doinggooseberry’？\"Thetremulousflickerofasmilepassedoverthefacesofthelisteningcrowd，andtheColonelslightlywinced。Butherecoveredhimselfinstantly，andcontinued，——
\"Myclient，theonlydaughterofawidowedmother——whohasforyearsstemmedthevaryingtidesofadversity，inthewesternprecinctsofthistown——standsbeforeyouto-dayinvestedonlyinherowninnocence。Shewearsno——er——richgiftsofherfaithlessadmirer——ispanopliedinnojewels，rings，normementosofaffectionsuchasloversdelighttohangupontheshrineoftheiraffections；hersisnottheglorywithwhichSolomondecoratedtheQueenofSheba，thoughthedefendant，asIshallshowlater，clothedherinthelessexpensiveflowersoftheking’spoetry。
No，gentlemen！Thedefendantexhibitedinthisaffairacertainfrugalityof——er——pecuniaryinvestment，whichIamwillingtoadmitmaybecommendableinhisclass。Hisonlygiftwascharacteristicalikeofhismethodsandhiseconomy。Thereis，Iunderstand，acertainnotunimportantfeatureofreligiousexerciseknownas’takingacollection。’Thedefendant，onthisoccasion，bythemutepresentationofatinplatecoveredwithbaize，solicitedthepecuniarycontributionsofthefaithful。Onapproachingtheplaintiff，however，hehimselfslippedalove-tokenupontheplateandpushedittowardsher。Thatlove-tokenwasalozenge——asmalldisk，Ihavereasontobelieve，concoctedofpeppermintandsugar，bearinguponitsreversesurfacethesimplewords，’Iloveyou！’I
havesinceascertainedthatthesedisksmaybeboughtforfivecentsadozen——oratconsiderablylessthanonehalfcentforthesinglelozenge。Yes，gentlemen，thewords’Iloveyou！’——theoldestlegendofall；therefrain’whenthemorningstarssangtogether’——werepresentedtotheplaintiffbyamediumsoinsignificantthatthereis，happily，nocoinintherepubliclowenoughtorepresentitsvalue。
\"Ishallprovetoyou，gentlemenofthejury，\"saidtheColonelsolemnly，drawingaBiblefromhiscoat-tailpocket，\"thatthedefendantforthelasttwelvemonthsconductedanamatorycorrespondencewiththeplaintiffbymeansofunderlinedwordsofSacredWritandchurchpsalmody，suchas’beloved，’’precious，’and’dearest，’occasionallyappropriatingwholepassageswhichseemedappositetohistenderpassion。Ishallcallyourattentiontooneofthem。Thedefendant，whileprofessingtobeatotalabstainer，——
amanwho，inmyownknowledge，hasrefusedspirituousrefreshmentasaninordinateweaknessoftheflesh，——withshamelesshypocrisyunderscoreswithhispencilthefollowingpassage，andpresentsittotheplaintiff。ThegentlemenofthejurywillfinditintheSongofSolomon，page548，chapterii。verse5。\"Afterapause，inwhichtherapidrustlingofleaveswasheardinthejury-box，ColonelStarbottledeclaimedinapleading，stentorianvoice，\"’Staymewith——er——FLAGONS，comfortmewith——er——apples——forIam——
er——sickoflove。’Yes，gentlemen！——yes，youmaywellturnfromthoseaccusingpagesandlookatthedouble-faceddefendant。Hedesires——to——er——be——’stayedwithflagons’！Iamnotawareatpresentwhatkindofliquorishabituallydispensedatthesemeetings，andforwhichthedefendantsourgentlyclamored；butitwillbemyduty，beforethistrialisover，todiscoverit，ifI
havetosummoneverybarkeeperinthisdistrict。ForthemomentI
willsimplycallyourattentiontotheQUANTITY。Itisnotasingledrinkthatthedefendantasksfor——notaglassoflightandgenerouswine，tobesharedwithhisinamorata，butanumberofflagonsorvessels，eachpossiblyholdingapintmeasure——FOR
HIMSELF！\"
Thesmileoftheaudiencehadbecomealaugh。TheJudgelookedupwarningly，whenhiseyecaughtthefactthattheColonelhadagainwincedatthismirth。Heregardedhimseriously。Mr。Hotchkiss’scounselhadjoinedinthelaughaffectedly，butHotchkisshimselfsatashypale。Therewasalsoacommotioninthejury-box，ahurriedturningoverofleaves，andanexciteddiscussion。
\"Thegentlemenofthejury，\"saidtheJudge，withofficialgravity，\"willpleasekeeporderandattendonlytothespeechesofcounsel。
AnydiscussionHEREisirregularandpremature，andmustbereservedforthejury-roomaftertheyhaveretired。\"
Theforemanofthejurystruggledtohisfeet。Hewasapowerfulman，withagood-humoredface，and，inspiteofhisunfelicitousnicknameof\"TheBone-Breaker，\"hadakindly，simple，butsomewhatemotionalnature。Nevertheless，itappearedasifhewerelaboringundersomepowerfulindignation。
\"Canweaskaquestion，Judge？\"hesaidrespectfully，althoughhisvoicehadtheunmistakableWesternAmericanringinit，asofonewhowasunconsciousthathecouldbeaddressinganybuthispeers。
\"Yes，\"saidtheJudgegood-humoredly。
\"We’refindinginthisyerepiece，outo’whichtheKernelhesjustbina-quotin’，somelanguagethatmeandmypardnersallowhadn’torterbereadoutaforeayoungladyincourt，andwewanttoknowofyou——ezafa’r-mindedandimpartialman——efthisisthereg’larkindo’bookgiventogalsandbabiesdownatthemeetin’-house。\"
\"Thejurywillpleasefollowthecounsel’sspeechwithoutcomment，\"
saidtheJudgebriefly，fullyawarethatthedefendant’scounselwouldspringtohisfeet，ashedidpromptly。
\"TheCourtwillallowustoexplaintothegentlementhatthelanguagetheyseemtoobjecttohasbeenacceptedbythebesttheologiansforthelastthousandyearsasbeingpurelymystic。AsIwillexplainlater，thosearemerelysymbolsoftheChurch\"——
\"Ofwot？\"interruptedtheforeman，indeepscorn。
\"OftheChurch！\"
\"Weain’taskin’anyquestionso’YOU，andweain’ttakin’anyanswers，\"saidtheforeman，sittingdownabruptly。
\"Imustinsist，\"saidtheJudgesternly，\"thattheplaintiff’scounselbeallowedtocontinuehisopeningwithoutinterruption。
You\"（todefendant’scounsel）\"willhaveyouropportunitytoreplylater。\"
Thecounselsankdowninhisseatwiththebitterconvictionthatthejurywasmanifestlyagainsthim，andthecaseasgoodaslost。
Buthisfacewasscarcelyasdisturbedashisclient’s，who，ingreatagitation，hadbeguntoarguewithhimwildly，andwasapparentlypressingsomepointagainstthelawyer’svehementopposal。TheColonel’smurkyeyesbrightenedashestillstooderect，withhishandthrustinhisbreast。
\"Itwillbeputtoyou，gentlemen，whenthecounselontheothersiderefrainsfrommereinterruptionandconfineshimselftoreply，thatmyunfortunateclienthasnoaction——noremedyatlaw——becausetherewerenospokenwordsofendearment。But，gentlemen，itwilldependuponYOUtosaywhatareandwhatarenotarticulateexpressionsoflove。Weallknowthatamongtheloweranimals，withwhomyoumaypossiblybecalledupontoclassifythedefendant，therearecertainsignalsmoreorlessharmonious，asthecasemaybe。Theassbrays，thehorseneighs，thesheepbleats——thefeathereddenizensofthegrovecalltotheirmatesinmoremusicalroundelays。Thesearerecognizedfacts，gentlemen，whichyouyourselves，asdwellersamongnatureinthisbeautifulland，areallcognizantof。Theyarefactsthatnoonewoulddeny——
andweshouldhaveapooropinionoftheasswho，at——er——suchasuprememoment，wouldattempttosuggestthathiscallwasunthinkingandwithoutsignificance。But，gentlemen，Ishallprovetoyouthatsuchwasthefoolish，self-convictingcustomofthedefendant。Withthegreatestreluctance，andthe——er——greatestpain，Isucceededinwrestingfromthemaidenlymodestyofmyfairclienttheinnocentconfessionthatthedefendanthadinducedhertocorrespondwithhiminthesemethods。Picturetoyourself，gentlemen，thelonelymoonlightroadbesidethewidow’shumblecottage。Itisabeautifulnight，sanctifiedtotheaffections，andtheinnocentgirlisleaningfromhercasement。Presentlythereappearsupontheroadaslinking，stealthyfigure，thedefendantonhiswaytochurch。Truetotheinstructionshehasreceivedfromhim，herlipspartinthemusicalutterance\"（theColonelloweredhisvoiceinafaintfalsetto，presumablyinfondimitationofhisfairclient），\"’Keeree！’Instantlythenightbecomesresonantwiththeimpassionedreply\"（theColonelhereliftedhisvoiceinstentoriantones），\"’Kee-row。’Again，ashepasses，risesthesoft’Keeree；’again，ashisformislostinthedistance，comesbackthedeep’Keerow。’\"
Aburstoflaughter，long，loud，andirrepressible，struckthewholecourt-room，andbeforetheJudgecouldlifthishalf-composedfaceandtakehishandkerchieffromhismouth，afaint\"Keeree\"
fromsomeunrecognizedobscurityofthecourt-roomwasfollowedbyaloud\"Keerow\"fromsomeoppositelocality。\"TheSheriffwillclearthecourt，\"saidtheJudgesternly；but，alas！astheembarrassedandchokingofficialsrushedhitherandthither，asoft\"Keeree\"fromthespectatorsatthewindow，OUTSIDEthecourt-
house，wasansweredbyaloudchorusof\"Keerows\"fromtheoppositewindows，filledwithonlookers。Againthelaughteraroseeverywhere，——eventhefairplaintiffherselfsatconvulsedbehindherhandkerchief。
ThefigureofColonelStarbottlealoneremainederect——whiteandrigid。AndthentheJudge，lookingup，saw——whatnooneelseinthecourthadseen——thattheColonelwassincereandinearnest；
thatwhathehadconceivedtobethepleader’smostperfectactingandmostelaborateironywerethedeep，serious，mirthlessCONVICTIONSofamanwithouttheleastsenseofhumor。TherewastherespectofthisconvictionintheJudge’svoiceashesaidtohimgently，\"Youmayproceed，ColonelStarbottle。\"
\"IthankyourHonor，\"saidtheColonelslowly，\"forrecognizinganddoingallinyourpowertopreventaninterruptionthat，duringmythirtyyears’experienceatthebar，Ihaveneverbeensubjectedtowithouttheprivilegeofholdingtheinstigatorsthereofresponsible——PERSONALLYresponsible。ItispossiblymyfaultthatIhavefailed，oratorically，toconveytothegentlemenofthejurythefullforceandsignificanceofthedefendant’ssignals。Iamawarethatmyvoiceissingularlydeficientinproducingeitherthedulcettonesofmyfairclientortheimpassionedvehemenceofthedefendant’sresponse。Iwill，\"continuedtheColonel，withafatiguedbutblindfatuitythatignoredthehurriedlyknitbrowsandwarningeyesoftheJudge，\"tryagain。Thenoteutteredbymyclient\"（loweringhisvoicetothefaintestoffalsettos）\"was’Keeree；’theresponsewas’Keerow-ow。’\"AndtheColonel’svoicefairlyshookthedomeabovehim。
Anotheruproaroflaughterfollowedthisapparentlyaudaciousrepetition，butwasinterruptedbyanunlooked-forincident。Thedefendantroseabruptly，andtearinghimselfawayfromthewithholdinghandandpleadingprotestationsofhiscounsel，absolutelyfledfromthecourt-room，hisappearanceoutsidebeingrecognizedbyaprolonged\"Keerow\"fromthebystanders，whichagainandagainfollowedhiminthedistance。
Inthemomentarysilencewhichfollowed，theColonel’svoicewasheardsaying，\"Weresthere，yourHonor，\"andhesatdown。Nolesswhite，butmoreagitated，wasthefaceofthedefendant’scounsel，whoinstantlyrose。
\"Forsomeunexplainedreason，yourHonor，myclientdesirestosuspendfurtherproceedings，withaviewtoeffectapeaceablecompromisewiththeplaintiff。Asheisamanofwealthandposition，heisableandwillingtopayliberallyforthatprivilege。WhileI，ashiscounsel，amstillconvincedofhislegalirresponsibility，ashehaschosenpubliclytoabandonhisrightshere，IcanonlyaskyourHonor’spermissiontosuspendfurtherproceedingsuntilIcanconferwithColonelStarbottle。\"
\"AsfarasIcanfollowthepleadings，\"saidtheJudgegravely，\"thecaseseemstobehardlyoneforlitigation，andIapproveofthedefendant’scourse，whileIstronglyurgetheplaintifftoacceptit。\"
ColonelStarbottlebentoverhisfairclient。Presentlyherose，unchangedinlookordemeanor。\"Iyield，yourHonor，tothewishesofmyclient，and——er——lady。Weaccept。\"
BeforethecourtadjournedthatdayitwasknownthroughoutthetownthatAdoniramK。Hotchkisshadcompromisedthesuitforfourthousanddollarsandcosts。
ColonelStarbottlehadsofarrecoveredhisequanimityastostrutjauntilytowardshisoffice，wherehewastomeethisfairclient。
Hewassurprised，however，tofindheralreadythere，andincompanywithasomewhatsheepish-lookingyoungman——astranger。IftheColonelhadanydisappointmentinmeetingathirdpartytotheinterview，hisold-fashionedcourtesydidnotpermithimtoshowit。Hebowedgraciously，andpolitelymotionedthemeachtoaseat。
\"IreckonedI’dbringHiramroundwithme，\"saidtheyounglady，liftinghersearchingeyes，afterapause，totheColonel’s，\"thoughheWASawfulshy，andallowedthatyoudidn’tknowhimfromAdam，orevensuspecthisexistence。ButIsaid，’That’sjustwhereyouslipup，Hiram；apow’fulmanliketheColonelknowseverything——andI’veseenitinhiseye。’Lordy！\"shecontinued，withalaugh，leaningforwardoverherparasol，ashereyesagainsoughttheColonel’s，\"don’tyourememberwhenyouaskedmeifI
lovedthatoldHotchkiss，andItoldyou，’That’stellin’，’andyoulookedatme——Lordy！IknewTHENyoususpectedtherewasaHiramSOMEWHERE，asgoodasifI’dtoldyou。Nowyoujestgetup，Hiram，andgivetheColonelagoodhand-shake。Forifitwasn’tforHIM
andHISsearchin’ways，andHISawfulpoweroflanguage，Iwouldn’thevgotthatfourthousanddollarsouto’thatflirtyfoolHotchkiss——enoughtobuyafarm，soasyouandmecouldgetmarried！That’swhatyouowetoHIM。Don’tstandtherelikeastuckfoolstarin’athim。Hewon’teatyou——thoughhe’skilledmanyabetterman。Come，haveIgottodoALLthekissin’？\"
ItisofrecordthattheColonelbowedsocourteouslyandsoprofoundlythathemanagednotmerelytoevadetheprofferedhandoftheshyHiram，buttoonlylightlytouchthefrankerandmoreimpulsivefinger-tipsofthegentleZaidee。\"I——er——offermysincerestcongratulations——thoughIthinkyou——er——overestimate——
my——er——powersofpenetration。Unfortunately，apressingengagement，whichmayobligemealsotoleavetowntonight，forbidsmysayingmore。Ihave——er——leftthe——er——businesssettlementofthis——er——caseinthehandsofthelawyerswhodomyofficework，andwhowillshowyoueveryattention。Andnowletmewishyouaverygoodafternoon。\"
Nevertheless，theColonelreturnedtohisprivateroom，anditwasnearlytwilightwhenthefaithfulJimentered，tofindhimsittingmeditativelybeforehisdesk。\"’Fo’God！Kernel，Ihopedeyain’tnuffindematter，butyou’slookin’mightysolemn！Iain’tseenyoulookdatway，Kernel，sincededaypoohMassaStrykerwasfetchedhomeshotfroodehead。\"
\"Handmedownthewhiskey，Jim，\"saidtheColonel，risingslowly。
Thenegroflewtotheclosetjoyfully，andbroughtoutthebottle。
TheColonelpouredoutaglassofthespiritanddrankitwithhisolddeliberation。
\"You’requiteright，Jim，\"hesaid，puttingdownhisglass，\"butI’m——er——gettingold——and——somehowIammissingpoorStrykerdamnably！\"
THELANDLORDOFTHEBIGFLUMEHOTEL
TheBigFlumestage-coachhadjustdrawnupattheBigFlumeHotelsimultaneouslywiththeringingofalargedinnerbellinthetwohandsofanegrowaiter，who，bycertaingyrationsofthebellwastryingtoimparttohisperformancethatpicturesqueeleganceandharmonywhichtheinstrumentanditspurposelacked。Fortherefreshmentthusproclaimedwasonlytheordinarystationdinner，protractedatBigFlumeforthreequartersofanhour，toallowforthearrivaloftheconnectingmailfromSacramento，althoughtherepastwasofanaturethatseldomprevaileduponthetravelertolingerthefullperiodoveritsdetails。Theordinarycravingsofhungerweregenerallysatisfiedinhalfanhour，andtheremainingminuteswereemployedbythepassengersindrowningthememoryoftheirmealin\"drinksatthebar，\"insmoking，andeveninahurriedgameof\"oldsledge，\"ordominoes。Yetto-daythedesertedtablewasstilloccupiedbyabelatedtraveler，andalady——
separatedbyawildernessofemptydishes——whohadarrivedafterthestage-coach。Observingwhich，thelandlord，perhapstouchedbythisunwontedappreciationofhisfare，movedforwardtogivethemhispersonalattention。
Hewasaman，however，whoseemedtobesingularlydeficientinthosesupremequalitieswhichintheWesthaveexaltedtheabilityto\"keepahotel\"intoaproverbialsynonymforsuperexcellence。
Hehadlittleornoinnovatinggenius，notradedevices，noassumption，nofacultyforadvertisement，noprogressiveness，andno\"racket。\"Hehadthetolerantgood-humoroftheSouthwesternpioneer，towhomcyclones，famine，drought，floods，pestilence，andsavageswerethingstobeaccepted，andwhomdisaster，ifitdidnotstimulate，certainlydidnotappall。Hereceivedtheinsults，complaints，andcriticismsofhurriedandhungrypassengers，thecommentsandthreatsoftheStageCompanyashehadsubmittedtotheaggressionsofastupid，unjust，butoverrulingNature——withunshakencalm。Perhapshereinlayhisstrength。Peoplewereobligedtosubmittohimandhishotelaspartoftheunfinishedcivilization，andtheyevensawsomethinghumorousinhisimpassiveness。Thosewhopreferredtoremonstratewithhimemergedfromthediscussionwiththegeneralfeelingofhavingbeenplayedwithbyalarge-heartedandpaternallydisposedbear。Tallandlong-limbed，withmuchstrengthinhislazymuscles，therewasalsoaprevailingimpressionthatthisfeelingmightbeintensifiedifthediscussionwereevercarriedtophysicalcontention。OfhispersonalhistoryitwasknownonlythathehademigratedfromWisconsinin1852，thathehadcalmlyunyokedhisoxteamsatBigFlume，thenatracklesswilderness，andontheopeningofawagonroadtothenewmineshadbuiltawaysidestationwhicheventuallydevelopedintothepresenthotel。HehadbeendivorcedinaWesternStatebyhiswife\"Rosalie，\"locallyknownas\"ThePrairieFlowerofElkhamCreek，\"forincompatibilityoftemper！Hertemperwasnotstated。
SuchwasAbnerLangworthy，theproprietor，ashemovedleisurelydowntowardstheladyguest，whowasnearest，andwhowassittingwithherbacktothepassagebetweenthetables。Stopping，occasionally，toprofessionallyadjustthetableclothsandglasses，heatlastreachedherside。
\"Efthere’sanythin’moreyewantthatyeain’tseein’，ma’am，\"hebegan——andstoppedsuddenly。Fortheladyhadlookedupatthesoundofhisvoice。Itwashisdivorcedwife，whomhehadnotseensincetheirseparation。Therecognitionwasinstantaneous，mutual，andcharacterizedbyperfectequanimityonbothsides。
\"Well！Iwanterknow！\"saidthelady，althoughtheexclamationpointwaspurelyconventional。\"AbnerLangworthy！thoughperhapsI’venocalltosay’Abner。’\"
\"Sametoyou，Rosalie——thoughIsayittoo，\"returnedthelandlord。
\"Buthol’onjustaminit。\"Hemovedforwardtotheotherguest，putthesameperfunctoryquestionregardinghisneeds，receivedanegativeanswer，andthenreturnedtotheladyanddroppedintoachairoppositetoher。
\"You’relookingpeartand——fleshy，\"hesaidresignedly，asifheweretoleratinghisownconventionalpolitenesswithhisotherdifficulties；\"unless，\"headdedcautiously，\"you’retakin’onsomenewdisease。\"
\"No！I’mfairlycomf’ble，\"respondedtheladycalmly，\"andyou’regettin’oninthevale，ezisnatural——thoughyoustillkindo’runtobone，asyouused。\"
Therewasnotatraceofmalevolenceineitheroftheircomments，onlyaresignedrecognitionofcertainunpleasanttruthswhichseemedtohavebeenhabitualtobothofthem。Mr。Langworthypausedtoflickawaysomefliesfromthebutterwithhisprofessionalnapkin，andresumed，——
\"Itmustbeamattero’fiveyearssensIlastsawye，isn’tit？——
incourtarteryougotthedecree——youremember？\"
\"Yes——the28tho’July，’51。IpaidLawyerHoskins’sbillthatveryday——that’showIremember，\"returnedthelady。\"You’vegotabigbusinesshere，\"shecontinued，glancingroundtheroom；\"I
reckonyou’remakin’itpay。Don’tseemtobeinyourline，though；butthen，tharwasn’tmanythingsthatwas。\"
\"No——that’sso，\"respondedMr。Langworthy，noddinghishead，asassentingtoanundeniableproposition，\"andyou——Isupposeyou’regettin’ontoo。Ireckonyou’re——er——married——eh？\"——withaslightsuggestionofputtingthequestiondelicately。
Theladynodded，ignoringthehesitation。\"Yes，letmesee，it’sjustthreeyearsandthreedays。ConstantineByers——Idon’treckonyouknowhim——fromMilwaukee。Timbermerchant。Standin’timber’shisspecialty。\"
\"AndIreckonhe’s——satisfactory？\"
\"Yes！Mr。Byersisagoodprovider——andhandy。Andyou？Ishouldsayyou’dwantawifeinthisbusiness？\"
Mr。Langworthy’sserioushalf-perfunctorymannerheretookonanappearanceofinterest。\"Yes——I’vebinthinkin’thatway。Thar’sayoungwomanhelpin’inthekitchenezmightdo，thoughI’mnotcertain，andIain’tlettin’onanythingasyet。Youmighttakealookather，Rosalie，——IortersayMrs。Byersezis，——andkindersizeherup，andgimmetheresult。It’sstillwantin’sevenminuteso’scheduletimeaforethestagegoes，and——ifyouain’twantin’morefood\"——delicately，asbecamealandord——\"andain’tgotanythin’elsetodo，itmightpassthetime。\"
Strangeasitmayseem，Mrs。Byersheredisplayedanequalanimationinherfreshfaceassherosepromptlytoherfeetandbegantorearrangeherdustcloakaroundherbuxomfigure。\"Idon’tmind，Abner，\"shesaid，\"andIdon’tthinkthatMr。Byerswouldmindeither；\"thenseeingLangworthyhesitatingatthelatterunexpectedsuggestion，sheaddedconfidently，\"andIwouldn’tmindevenifhedid，forI’msureifIdon’tknowthekindo’womanyou’dbelikelytoneed，Idon’tknowwhowould。OnlylastweekIwassayin’likethattoMr。Byers\"——
\"ToMr。Byers？\"saidAbner，withsomesurprise。
\"Yes——tohim。Isaid，’We’vebeenmarriedthreeyears，Constantine，andefIdon’tknowbythistimewhatkindo’womanyouneednow——andmightneedinfuture——why，tharain’tmuchuseinmatrimony。’\"
\"Youwasalwayswise，Rosalie，\"saidAbner，withreminiscentappreciation。
\"Iwasalwaysthere，Abner，\"returnedMrs。Byers，withacomplacentshowofdimples，whichshe，however，chastenedintothatresignationwhichseemedcharacteristicofthepair。\"Let’sseeyour’intended’——asmightbe。\"
Thussupported，Mr。LangworthyledMrs。Byersintothehallthroughacrowdofloungers，intoasmallerhall，andthereopenedthedoorofthekitchen。Itwasalargeroom，whosewindowswerehalfdarkenedbytheencompassingpineswhichstillpressedaroundthehouseonthescantilyclearedsite。Anumberofmenandwomen，amongthemaChinamanandanegro，wereengagedinwashingdishesandotherculinaryduties；andbesidethewindowstoodayoungblondegirl，whowaswipingatinpanwhichshewasalsousingtohideaburstoflaughterevidentlycausedbytheabruptentranceofheremployer。Aquantityoffluffyhairandpartofawhite，baredarmwereneverthelessvisibleoutsidethedisk，andMrs。ByersgatheredfromthedirectionofMr。Langworthy’seyes，assistedbyaslightnudgefromhiselbow，thatthiswastheselectedfairone。
Hisfeebleexplanatoryintroduction，addressedtotheoccupantsgenerally，\"JustshowingthehousetoMrs。——er——Dusenberry，\"
convincedherthatthecircumstancesofhishavingbeendivorcedhehadnotyetconfidedtotheyoungwoman。Asheturnedalmostimmediatelyaway，Mrs。Byersinfollowinghimmanagedtogetabetterlookatthegirl，asshewasexchangingsomefacetiousremarktoaneighbor。Mr。Langworthydidnotspeakuntiltheyhadreachedthedeserteddining-roomagain。
\"Well？\"hesaidbriefly，glancingattheclock，\"whatdidyethinko’MaryEllen？\"
Toanyordinaryobserverthegirlinquestionwouldhaveseemedtheleastfittedinage，sobrietyofdeportment，andadministrativecapacitytofillthesituationthusproposedforher，butMrs。
Byerswasnotanordinaryobserver，andherauditorwasnotanordinarylistener。
\"She’solderthanshegivesherselfouttobe，\"saidMrs。Byerstentatively，\"andthemkittenwaysdon’tamounttomuch。\"
Mr。Langworthynodded。HadMrs。ByersdiscoveredahomicidaltendencyinMaryEllenhewouldhavebeenequallyunmoved。
\"Shedon’thandsomemuch，\"continuedMrs。Byersmusingly，\"but\"——
\"Ineverwaskeenongoodlooksinawoman，Rosalie。Youknowthat！\"Mrs。Byersreceivedtheequivocalremarkunemotionally，andreturnedtothesubject。
\"Well！\"shesaidcontemplatively，\"Ishouldthinkyoucouldmakehersuit。\"
Mr。Langworthynoddedwithresignedtolerationofallthatmighthaveinfluencedherjudgmentandhisown。\"Iwaswantin’afa’r-
mindedopinion，Rosalie，andyouhappenedalongjestintime。KinIputupanythin’inthewayoffoodforye？\"headded，asastiroutsideandthewords\"Allaboard！\"proclaimedthedepartingofthestage-coach，——\"anorangeorahunko’gingerbread，freshlybaked？\"
\"Thankyekindly，Abner，butIsha’n’tbeusin’anythin’aforesupper，\"respondedMrs。Byers，astheypassedoutintotheverandabesidethewaitingcoach。
Mr。Langworthyhelpedhertoherseat。\"Efyou’repassin’thiswayag’in\"——hehesitateddelicately。
\"I’lldropin，orIreckonMr。Byersmight，hehavin’businessalongtheroad，\"returnedMrs。Byerswithacheerfulnod，asthecoachrolledawayandthelandlordoftheBigFlumeHotelreenteredhishouse。
Forthenextthreeweeks，however，itdidnotappearthatMr。
Langworthywasinanyhurrytoactupontheadviceofhisformerwife。HisrelationstoMaryEllenBuddwerecharacterizedbyhisusualtolerancetohisemployees’failings，——whichinMaryEllen’scaseincludedmany\"breakages，\"——butwerenotmarkedbytheinvasionofanywarmerfeeling，oradesireforconfidences。Theonlyperceptibledivergencefromhisregularhabitswasadispositiontobeontheverandaatthearrivalofthestage-coach，andwhenhisdutiespermittedthis，acautioussurveyofhisfemaleguestsatthebeginningofdinner。Thisprobablyledtohismoreorlessignoringanypeculiaritiesinhismasculinepatronsortheirclaimstohispersonalattention。Particularlyso，inthecaseofared-beardedman，inalonglinenduster，bothheavilyfreightedwiththereddustofthestageroad，whichseemedtohaveinvadedhisveryeyesashewatchedthelandlordclosely。Towardsthecloseofthedinner，whenAbner，accompaniedbyanegrowaiterafterhisusualcustom，passeddowneachsideofthelongtable，collectingpaymentforthemeal，thestrangerlookedup。\"Youairthelandlordofthishotel，Ireckon？\"
\"Iam，\"saidAbnertolerantly。
\"I’dlikeawordortwowithye。\"
ButAbnerhadbeenobligedtohaveaformulaforsuchoccasions。
\"Ye’llpayforyerdinnerfirst，\"hesaidsubmissively，butfirmly，\"andmakeyerremarksaginthefoodarter。\"
Thestrangerflushedquickly，andhiseyetookanadditionalshadeofred，butmeetingAbner’sseriousgrayones，hecontentedhimselfwithostentatiouslytakingoutahandfulofgoldandsilverandpayinghisbill。Abnerpassedon，butafterdinnerwasoverhefoundthestrangerinthehall。
\"Yepulledmeuprathershortinthar，\"saidthemangloomily，\"butit’sjustaswell，asthetalkIwaswantin’withyewaskinderbetwixtandbetweenourselves，andnothotelbusiness。Myname’sByers，andmywifeletonshemetyedownhere。\"
ForthefirsttimeitstruckAbnerasincongruousthatanothermanshouldcallRosalie\"hiswife，\"althoughthefactofherremarriagehadbeenmadesufficientlyplaintohim。Heaccepteditashewouldanearthquake，oranyotherdislocation，withhisusualtolerantsmile，andheldouthishand。
Mr。Byerstookit，seeminglymollified，andyetinwardlydisturbed，——
moreeventhanwascustomaryinAbner’sguestsafterdinner。
\"Haveadrinkwithme，\"hesuggested，althoughithadstruckhimthatMr。Byershadbeendrinkingbeforedinner。
\"I’magreeable，\"respondedByerspromptly；\"but，\"withaglanceatthecrowdedbar-room，\"couldn’twegosomewhere，jestyouandme，andhaveaquietconfab？\"
\"Ireckon。Butyemustwaittillwegetheroff。\"
Mr。Byersstartedslightly，butitappearedthattheimpedimentalsexinthiscasewasthecoach，which，afteraslightfemininehesitation，wasatlaststarted。WhereuponMr。Langworthy，followedbyanegrowithatraybearingadecanterandglasses，graspedMr。Byers’sarm，andwalkedalongasmallsideverandathedepthofthehouse，steppedoff，andapparentlyplungedwithhisguestintotheprimevalwilderness。
IthasalreadybeenindicatedthatthesiteoftheBigFlumeHotelhadbeenscantilycleared；butMr。Byers，backwoodsmanthoughhewas，wasquiteunpreparedforsoabruptachange。Thehotel，withitsnoisycrowdandgarishnewness，althoughscarcelyadozenyardsaway，seemedlostcompletelytosightandsound。Aslightfringeofoldtincans，brokenchina，shavings，andevenofthelong-driedchipsofthefelledtrees，oncecrossed，thetwomenwerealone！
Fromthetray，depositedatthefootofanenormouspine，theytookthedecanter，filledtheirglasses，andthendisposedofthemselvescomfortablyagainstaspreadingroot。Thecurlingtailofasquirreldisappearedbehindthem；thefar-offtapofawoodpeckeraccentedtheloneliness。Andthen，almostmagicallyasitseemed，thethinveneeringofcivilizationonthetwomenseemedtobecastofflikethebarkofthetreesaroundthem，andtheyloungedbeforeeachotherinaboriginalfreedom。Mr。Byersremovedhisrestrainingdusterandundercoat。Mr。Langworthyresignedhisdirtywhitejacket，hiscollar，andunloosedasuspender，withwhichheplayed。
\"Woulditbeafairquestionbetweentwofa’r-mindedmen，ezhezlivedalone，\"saidMr。Byers，withagravitysosupernaturalthatitcouldbereferredonlytoliquor，\"toaskyeinwhatsorto’waydidMrs。Byersshowhertemper？\"
\"Showhertemper？\"echoedAbnervacantly。
\"Yes——incourse，ImeanwhenyouandMrs。Byerswas——was——one？Youknowthedi-vorcewasforin-com-pat-ibilityoftemper。\"
\"Butshegotthedivorcefromme，soIreckonIhadthetemper，\"
saidLangworthy，withgreatsimplicity。
\"Wha-at？\"saidMr。Byers，puttingdownhisglassandgazingwithdrunkengravityatthesad-eyedyetgood-humoredlytolerantmanbeforehim。\"You？——youhadthetemper？\"
\"Ireckonthat’swhatthecourtallowed，\"saidAbnersimply。
Mr。Byersstared。Thenafteramoment’spausehenoddedwithasignificantyetrelievedface。\"Yes，Isee，incourse。Timeswhenyou’dh’istedtoomucho’thiscornjuice，\"liftinguphisglass，\"insideye——yesorterbu’stoutravin’？\"
ButAbnershookhishead。\"Iwuzatotalabstainerinthemdays，\"
hesaidquietly。
Mr。Byersgotunsteadilyonhislegsandlookedaroundhim。\"Wotmighthevbinthegeneralgaito’yourtemper，pardner？\"hesaidinahoarsewhisper。
\"Don’tknow。Ireckonthat’sjestwhartheincompatibilitykemin。\"
\"Andwhenshehoveplatesatyourhead，wotdidyoudo？\"
\"Shedidn’thovenoplates，\"saidAbnergravely；\"didshesayshedid？\"
\"No，no！\"returnedByershastily，incrimsonconfusion。\"Ikindergotitmixedwithsuthin’else。\"Hewavedhishandinalordlyway，asifdismissingthesubject。\"Howsumever，youandheris’off’anyway，\"headdedwithbadlyconcealedanxiety。
\"Ireckon：there’sthedecree，\"returnedAbner，withhisusualresignedacceptanceofthefact。
\"Mrs。Byerswuzallowin’yewuzthinkin’ofasecond。How’sthatcomin’on？\"
\"Jestwharitwas，\"returnedAbner。\"Iain’tdoin’anythingyet。
YeseeI’vegottotellthegal，naterally，thatI’mdi-vorced。
Andasthatisn’tknownhereabouts，Idon’tkeertodosotillI’mprettycertain。Andthen，incourse，I’vegotto。\"
\"Whyhevye’gotto’？\"askedByersabruptly。
\"Becauseitwouldn’tbeonthesquarewiththegirl，\"saidAbner。
\"HowwouldyoulikeitifMrs。Byershadnevertoldyoushe’dbeenmarriedtome？Ands’poseyou’dhappentohevbinadi-vorcedmanandhadn’ttoldher，eh？Well，\"hecontinued，sinkingbackresignedlyagainstthetree，\"Iain’tsayin’anythin’butshe’dhevgotanotherdi-vorce，andFROMyouonthespot——youbet！\"
\"Well！allIkinsayis，\"saidMr。Byers，liftinghisvoiceexcitedly，\"that\"——buthestoppedshort，andwasabouttofillhisglassagainfromthedecanterwhenthehandofAbnerstoppedhim。
\"Ye’vegotezmuchezyekincarrynow，Byers，\"hesaidslowly，\"andthat’saboutezmuchezIallowamantotakeinattheBigFlumeHotel。Treatin’istreatin’，hospitalityishospitality；efyouandmewassquattin’outontheprairieI’dletyoufillyourskinwiththatpizenandwrapyeupinyerblanketsafterwards。
ButhereatBigFlume，theStageKempennyandthewimenandchildrenpassengersheztheirrights。\"Hepausedamoment，andadded，\"AndsoIreckonhezMrs。Byers，andIain’tgoin’tosendyouhometoheroutermyhouseblinddrunk。It’smightyroughonyouandme，Iknow，butthere’saloto’roughnessinthisworldezheztobegotover，andlife，ezfarezIkinsee，ain’tallaclearin’。\"
Perhapsitwashisgood-humoredyetfirmdetermination，perhapsitwashisresignedphilosophy，butsomethinginthespeaker’smanneraffectedMr。Byers’salcoholicsusceptibility，andhastenedhisdescentfromthepassionateheightsofintoxicationtothemaudlinstagewhitherhewasdrifting。Thefireofhisredeyesbecamefilmedanddim，anequalmoisturegatheredinhisthroatashepressedAbner’shandwithdrunkenfervor。\"Thashso！yourthinkingo’mean’MishByershisliketroofr’en’，\"hesaidthickly。\"I
woshonlygoin’toshaythatwoteverMishByershwosh——evenifshewoshwifeo’yours——shewosh——noblewoman！Suchawoman，\"continuedMr。Byers，dreamilyregardingspace，\"can’thavetoomanyhusbands。\"
\"Youjestsitbackhereaminit，andhaveaquietsmoketillIcomeback，\"saidAbner，handinghimhistobaccoplug。\"I’vegottogivethebutcherhisorder——butIwon’tbeaminit。\"Hesecuredthedecanterashespoke，andevadinganapparentdispositionofhiscompaniontofalluponhisneck，madehiswaywithlongstridestothehotel，asMr。Byers，sinkingbackagainstthetrees，begancertainfutileeffortstolighthisunfilledpipe。
