第2章

\"Ivillnotgo，\"hesaidangrily，\"elseIshalltoldher。\" HemadeabassdrumofMissMartha’scounter。 \"Youhafshpoiltme，\"hecried，hisblueeyesblazingbehindhisspectacles。\"Ivilltellyou。Youvasvon_meddingsomeoldcat_！\" MissMarthaleanedweaklyagainsttheshelvesandlaidonehandonherblue-dottedsilkwaist。Theyoungmantooktheotherbythecollar。 \"Comeon，\"hesaid，\"you’vesaidenough。\"Hedraggedtheangryoneoutatthedoortothesidewalk，andthencameback。 \"Guessyououghttobetold，ma’am，\"hesaid，\"whattherowisabout。 That’sBlumberger。He’sanarchitecturaldraftsman。Iworkinthesameofficewithhim。 \"He’sbeenworkinghardforthreemonthsdrawingaplanforanewcityhall。Itwasaprizecompetition。Hefinishedinkingthelinesyesterday。Youknow，adraftsmanalwaysmakeshisdrawinginpencilfirst。Whenit’sdoneherubsoutthepencillineswithhandfulsofstalebreadcrumbs。That’sbetterthanIndiarubber。 \"Blumberger’sbeenbuyingthebreadhere。Well，to-day——well，youknow，ma’am，thatbutterisn’t——well，Blumberger’splanisn’tgoodforanythingnowexcepttocutupintorailroadsandwiches。\" MissMarthawentintothebackroom。Shetookofftheblue-dottedsilkwaistandputontheoldbrownsergesheusedtowear。Thenshepouredthequinceseedandboraxmixtureoutofthewindowintotheashcan。 IVTHEPRIDEOFTHECITIES SaidMr。Kipling，\"Thecitiesarefullofpride，challengingeachtoeach。\"Evenso。 NewYorkwasempty。Twohundredthousandofitspeoplewereawayforthesummer。Threemillioneighthundredthousandremainedascaretakersandtopaythebillsoftheabsentees。Butthetwohundredthousandareanexpensivelot。 TheNewYorkersatataroof-gardentable，ingestingsolacethroughastraw。Hispanamalayuponachair。TheJulyaudiencewasscatteredamongvacantseatsaswidelyasoutfielderswhenthechampionbatterstepstotheplate。Vaudevillehappenedatintervals。Thebreezewascoolfromthebay；aroundandabove——everywhereexceptonthestage——werestars。Glimpsesweretobehadofwaiters，alwaysdisappearing，likestartledchamois。Prudentvisitorswhohadorderedrefreshmentsby’phoneinthemorningwerenowbeingserved。TheNewYorkerwasawareofcertaindrawbackstohiscomfort，butcontentbeamedsoftlyfromhisrimlesseyeglasses。Hisfamilywasoutoftown。Thedrinkswerewarm；theballetwassufferingfromlackofbothtuneandtalcum——buthisfamilywouldnotreturnuntilSeptember。 ThenupintothegardenstumbledthemanfromTopazCity，Nevada。Thegloomofthesolitarysightseerenwrappedhim。Bereftofjoythroughloneliness，hestalkedwithawidower’sfacethroughthehallsofpleasure。Thirstforhumancompanionshippossessedhimashepantedinthemetropolitandraught。StraighttotheNewYorker’stablehesteered。 TheNewYorker，disarmedandmaderecklessbythelawlessatmosphereofaroofgarden，decideduponutterabandonmentofhislife’straditions。Heresolvedtoshatterwithonerash，dare-devil，impulsive，hair-brainedacttheconventionsthathadhithertobeenwovenintohisexistence。Carryingoutthisradicalandprecipitousinspirationhenoddedslightlytothestrangerashedrewnearerthetable。 ThenextmomentfoundthemanfromTopazCityinthelistoftheNewYorker’sclosestfriends。Hetookachairatthetable，hegatheredtwoothersforhisfeet，hetossedhisbroad-brimmedhatuponafourth，andtoldhislife’shistorytohisnew-foundpard。 TheNewYorkerwarmedalittle，asanapartment-housefurnacewarmswhenthestrawberryseasonbegins。AwaiterwhocamewithinhailinanunguardedmomentwascapturedandparoledonanerrandtotheDoctorWileyexperimentalstation。Theballetwasnowinthemidstofamusicalvagary，anddanceduponthestageprogrammedasBolivianpeasants，clothedinsomeportionsofitsanatomyasNorwegianfishermaidens，inothersasladies-in-waitingofMarieAntoinette，historicallydenudedinotherportionssoastorepresentseanymphs，andpresentingthetoutensembleofasocialclubofCentralParkWesthousemaidsatafishfry。 \"Beeninthecitylong？\"inquiredtheNewYorker，gettingreadytheexacttipagainstthewaiter’scomingwithlargechangefromthebill。 \"Me？\"saidthemanfromTopazCity。\"Fourdays。NeverinTopazCity，wasyou？\" \"I！\"saidtheNewYorker。\"IwasneverfartherwestthanEighthAvenue。 IhadabrotherwhodiedonNinth，butImetthecortegeatEighth。Therewasabunchofvioletsonthehearse，andtheundertakermentionedtheincidenttoavoidmistake。IcannotsaythatIamfamiliarwiththeWest。\" \"TopazCity，\"saidthemanwhooccupiedfourchairs，\"isoneofthefinesttownsintheworld。\" \"Ipresumethatyouhaveseenthesightsofthemetropolis，\"saidtheNewYorker，\"Fourdaysisnotasufficientlengthoftimeinwhichtoviewevenourmostsalientpointsofinterest，butonecanpossiblyformageneralimpression。Ourarchitecturalsupremacyiswhatgenerallystrikesvisitorstoourcitymostforcibly。OfcourseyouhaveseenourFlatironBuilding。Itisconsidered——\" \"Sawit，\"saidthemanfromTopazCity。\"Butyououghttocomeoutourway。It’smountainous，youknow，andtheladiesallwearshortskirtsforclimbingand——\" \"Excuseme，\"saidtheNewYorker，\"butthatisn’texactlythepoint。NewYorkmustbeawonderfulrevelationtoavisitorfromtheWest。Now，astoourhotels——\" \"Say，\"saidthemanfromTopazCity，\"thatremindsme——thereweresixteenstagerobbersshotlastyearwithintwentymilesof——\" \"Iwasspeakingofhotels，\"saidtheNewYorker。\"WeleadEuropeinthatrespect。Andasfarasourleisureclassisconcernedwearefar——\" \"Oh，Idon’tknow，\"interruptedthemanfromTopazCity。\"ThereweretwelvetrampsinourjailwhenIlefthome。IguessNewYorkisn’tso——\" \"Begpardon，youseemtomisapprehendtheidea。Ofcourse，youvisitedtheStockExchangeandWallStreet，wherethe——\" \"Oh，yes，\"saidthemanfromTopazCity，ashelightedaPennsylvaniastogie，\"andIwanttotellyouchatwe’vegotthefinesttownmarshalwestoftheRockies。BillRainerhetookinfivepickpocketsoutofthecrowdwhenRedNoseThompsonlaidthecornerstoneofhisnewsaloon。 TopazCitydon’tallow——\" \"HaveanotherRhinewineandseltzer，\"suggestedtheNewYorker。\"I’veneverbeenWest，asIsaid；buttherecan’tbeanyplaceouttheretocomparewithNewYork。AstotheclaimsofChicagoI——\" \"Oneman，\"saidtheTopazite——\"onemanonlyhasbeenmurderedandrobbedinTopazCityinthelastthree——\" \"Oh，IknowwhatChicagois，\"interposedtheNewYorker。\"HaveyoubeenupFifthAvenuetoseethemagnificentresidencesofourmil——\" \"Seen’emall。YououghttoknowReubStegall，theassessorofTopaz。 WhenoldmanTilbury，thatownstheonlytwo-storyhouseintown，triedtoswearhistaxesfrom$6，000downto$450。75，Reubbuckledonhisforty-fiveandwentdowntosee——\" \"Yes，yes，butspeakingofourgreatcity——oneofitsgreatestfeaturesisoursuperbpolicedepartment。Thereisnobodyofmenintheworldthatcanequalitfor——\" \"ThatwaitergetsaroundlikeaLangleyflyingmachine，\"remarkedthemanfromTopazCity，thirstily。\"We’vegotmeninourtown，too，worth$400，000。There’soldBillWithersandColonelMetcalfand——\" \"HaveyouseenBroadwayatnight？\"askedtheNewYorker，courteously。 \"Therearefewstreetsintheworldthatcancomparewithit。Whentheelectricsareshiningandthepavementsarealivewithtwohurryingstreamsofelegantlyclothedmenandbeautifulwomenattiredinthecostliestcostumesthatwindinandoutinaclosemazeofexpensively——\" \"NeverknewbutonecaseinTopazCity，\"saidthemanfromtheWest。\"JimBailey，ourmayor，hadhiswatchandchainand$235incashtakenfromhispocketwhile——\" \"That’sanothermatter，\"saidtheNewYorker。\"Whileyouareinourcityyoushouldavailyourselfofeveryopportunitytoseeitswonders。Ourrapidtransitsystem——\" \"IfyouwasoutinTopaz，\"brokeinthemanfromthere，\"Icouldshowyouawholecemeteryfullofpeoplethatgotkilledaccidentally。Talkingaboutmanglingfolksup！why，whenBerryRogersturnedloosethatolddouble-barrelledshot-gunofhisloaded’withslugsatanybody——\" \"Here，waiter！\"calledtheNewYorker。\"Twomoreofthesame。Itisacknowledgedbyeveryonethatourcityisthecentreofart，andliterature，andlearning。Take，forinstance，ourafter-dinnerspeakers。 WhereelseinthecountrywouldyoufindsuchwitandeloquenceasemanatefromDepewandFord，and——\" \"Ifyoutakethepapers，\"interruptedtheWesterner，\"youmusthavereadofPeteWebster’sdaughter。TheWebsterslivetwoblocksnorthofthecourt-houseinTopazCity。MissTillieWebster，shesleptfortydaysandnightswithoutwakingup。Thedoctorssaidthat——\" \"Passthematches，please，\"saidtheNewYorker。\"HaveyouobservedtheexpeditionwithwhichnewbuildingsarebeingrunupinNewYork？ Improvedinventionsinsteelframeworkand——\" \"Inoticed，\"saidtheNevadian，\"thatthestatisticsofTopazCityshowedonlyonecarpentercrushedbyfallingtimberslastyearandhewascaughtinacyclone。\" \"Theyabuseourskyline，\"continuedtheNewYorker，\"anditislikelythatwearenotyetartisticintheconstructionofourbuildings。ButI cansafelyassertthatweleadinpictorialanddecorativeart。Insomeofourhousescanbefoundmasterpiecesinthewayofpaintingsandsculpture。Onewhohastheentreetoourbestgallerieswillfind——\" \"Backup，\"exclaimedthemanfromTopazCity。\"Therewasagamelastmonthinourtowninwhich$90，000changedhandsonapairof——\" \"Ta-romt-tara！\"wenttheorchestra。Thestagecurtain，blushingpinkatthename\"Asbestos\"inscribeduponit，camedownwithaslowmidsummermovement。Theaudiencetrickledleisurelydowntheelevatorandstairs。 Onthesidewalkbelow，theNewYorkerandthemanfromTopazCityshookhandswithalcoholicgravity。Theelevatedcrashedraucously，surfacecarshummedandclanged，cabmenswore，newsboysshrieked，wheelsclatteredear-piercingly。TheNewYorkerconceivedahappythought，withwhichheaspiredtoclinchthepre-eminenceofhiscity。 \"Youmustadmit，\"saidhe，\"thatinthewayofnoiseNewYorkisfaraheadofanyother——\" \"Backtotheeverglades！\"saidthemanfromTopazCity。\"In1900，whenSousa’sbandandtherepeatingcandidatewereinourtownyoucouldn’t——\" Therattleofanexpresswagondrownedtherestofthewords。 VHOLDINGUPATRAIN [Note。ThemanwhotoldmethesethingswasforseveralyearsanoutlawintheSouthwestandafollowerofthepursuithesofranklydescribes。 Hisdescriptionofthe_modus__operandi_shouldproveinteresting，hiscounselofvaluetothepotentialpassengerinsomefuture\"hold-up，\" whilehisestimateofthepleasuresoftrainrobbingwillhardlyinduceanyonetoadoptitasaprofession。Igivethestoryinalmostexactlyhisownwords。O。H。] Mostpeoplewouldsay，iftheiropinionwasaskedfor，thatholdingupatrainwouldbeahardjob。Well，itisn’t；it’seasy。Ihavecontributedsometotheuneasinessofrailroadsandtheinsomniaofexpresscompanies，andthemosttroubleIeverhadaboutahold-upwasinbeingswindledbyunscrupulouspeoplewhilespendingthemoneyIgot。Thedangerwasn’tanythingtospeakof，andwedidn’tmindthetrouble。 Onemanhascomeprettynearrobbingatrainbyhimself；twohavesucceededafewtimes；threecandoitiftheyarehustlers，butfiveisabouttherightnumber。Thetimetodoitandtheplacedependuponseveralthings。 Thefirst\"stick-up\"Iwaseverinhappenedin1890。MaybethewayIgotintoitwillexplainhowmosttrainrobbersstartinthebusiness。FiveoutofsixWesternoutlawsarejustcowboysoutofajobandgonewrong。 ThesixthisatoughfromtheEastwhodressesuplikeabadmanandplayssomelow-downtrickthatgivestheboysabadname。Wirefencesand\"nesters\"madefiveofthem；abadheartmadethesixth。JimS——andI wereworkingonthe101RanchinColorado。Thenestershadthecowmanonthego。Theyhadtakenupthelandandelectedofficerswhowerehardtogetalongwith。JimandIrodeintoLaJuntaoneday，goingsouthfromaround-up。Wewerehavingalittlefunwithoutmalicetowardany-bodywhenafarmeradministrationcutinandtriedtoharvestus。Jimshotadeputymarshal，andIkindofcorroboratedhissideoftheargument。Weskirmishedupanddownthemainstreet，theboomershavingbadluckallthetime。AfterawhileweleanedforwardandshovedfortheranchdownontheCeriso。Wewereridingacoupleofhorsesthatcouldn’tfly，buttheycouldcatchbirds。 Afewdaysafterthat，agangoftheLaJuntaboomerscametotheranchandwantedustogobackwiththem。Naturally，wedeclined。Wehadthehouseonthem，andbeforeweweredonerefusing，thatold’dobewasplumbfulloflead。Whendarkcamewefagged’emabatchofbulletsandshovedoutthebackdoorfortherocks。Theysuresmokedusaswewent。Wehadtodrift，whichwedid，androundedupdowninOklahoma。 Well，therewasn’tanythingwecouldgetthere，and，beingmightyhardup，wedecidedtotransactalittlebusinesswiththerailroads。JimandI joinedforceswithTomandIkeMoore——twobrotherswhohadplentyofsandtheywerewillingtoconvertintodust。Icancalltheirnames，forbothofthemaredead。TomwasshotwhilerobbingabankinArkansas；IkewaskilledduringthemoredangerouspastimeofattendingadanceintheCreekNation。 WeselectedaplaceontheSantaFewheretherewasabridgeacrossadeepcreeksurroundedbyheavytimber。Allpassengertrainstookwateratthetankclosetooneendofthebridge。Itwasaquietplace，thenearesthousebeingfivemilesaway。Thedaybeforeithappened，werestedourhorsesand\"mademedicine\"astohowweshouldgetaboutit。Ourplanswerenotatallelaborate，asnoneofushadeverengagedinahold-upbefore。 TheSantaFeflyerwasdueatthetankat11。15P。M。Ateleven，TomandIlaydownononesideofthetrack，andJimandIketooktheother。Asthetrainrolledup，theheadlightflashingfardownthetrackandthesteamhissingfromtheengine，Iturnedweakallover，Iwouldhaveworkedawholeyearontheranchfornothingtohavebeenoutofthataffairrightthen。Someofthenerviestmeninthebusinesshavetoldmethattheyfeltthesamewaythefirsttime。 TheenginehadhardlystoppedwhenIjumpedontherunning-boardononeside，whileJimmountedtheother。Assoonastheengineerandfiremansawourgunstheythrewuptheirhandswithoutbeingtold，andbeggedusnottoshoot，sayingtheywoulddoanythingwewantedthemto。 \"Hittheground，\"Iordered，andtheybothjumpedoff。Wedrovethembeforeusdownthesideofthetrain。Whilethiswashappening，TomandIkehadbeenblazingaway，oneoneachsideofthetrain，yellinglikeApaches，soastokeepthepassengersherdedinthecars。Somefellowstuckalittletwenty-twocalibreoutoneofthecoachwindowsandfireditstraightupintheair。Iletdriveandsmashedtheglassjustoverhishead。Thatsettledeverythinglikeresistancefromthatdirection。 Bythistimeallmynervousnesswasgone。IfeltakindofpleasantexcitementasifIwereatadanceorafrolicofsomesort。Thelightswerealloutinthecoaches，and，asTomandIkegraduallyquitfiringandyelling，itgottobealmostasstillasagraveyard。Irememberhearingalittlebirdchirpinginabushatthesideofthetrack，asifitwerecomplainingatbeingwakedup。 Imadethefiremangetalantern，andthenIwenttotheexpresscarandyelledtothemessengertoopenuporgetperforated。Heslidthedoorbackandstoodinitwithhishandsup。\"Jumpoverboard，son，\"Isaid，andhehitthedirtlikealumpoflead。Thereweretwosafesinthecar——abigoneandalittleone。Bytheway，Ifirstlocatedthemessenger’sarsenal——adouble-barrelledshot-gunwithbuckshotcartridgesandathirty-eightinadrawer。Idrewthecartridgesfromtheshot-gun，pocketedthepistol，andcalledthemessengerinside。Ishovedmygunagainsthisnoseandputhimtowork。Hecouldn’topenthebigsafe，buthedidthelittleone。Therewasonlyninehundreddollarsinit。Thatwasmightysmallwinningsforourtrouble，sowedecidedtogothroughthepassengers。Wetookourprisonerstothesmoking-car，andfromtheresenttheengineerthroughthetraintolightupthecoaches。 Beginningwiththefirstone，weplacedamanateachdoorandorderedthepassengerstostandbetweentheseatswiththeirhandsup。 Ifyouwanttofindoutwhatcowardsthemajorityofmenare，allyouhavetodoisrobapassengertrain。Idon’tmeanbecausetheydon’tresist—— I’lltellyoulateronwhytheycan’tdothat——butitmakesamanfeelsorryforthemthewaytheylosetheirheads。Big，burlydrummersandfarmersandex-soldiersandhigh-collareddudesandsportsthat，afewmomentsbefore，werefillingthecarwithnoiseandbragging，getsoscaredthattheirearsflop。 Therewereveryfewpeopleinthedaycoachesatthattimeofnight，sowemadeaslimhauluntilwegottothesleeper。ThePullmanconductormetmeatonedoorwhileJimwasgoingroundtotheotherone。HeverypolitelyinformedmethatIcouldnotgointothatcar，asitdidnotbelongtotherailroadcompany，and，besides，thepassengershadalreadybeengreatlydisturbedbytheshoutingandfiring。NeverinallmylifehaveImetwithafinerinstanceofofficialdignityandrelianceuponthepowerofMr。Pull-man’sgreatname。Ijabbedmysix-shootersohardagainstMr。Conductor’sfrontthatIafterwardfoundoneofhisvestbuttonssofirmlywedgedintheendofthebarrelthatIhadtoshootitout。Hejustshutuplikeaweak-springedknifeandrolleddownthecarsteps。 Iopenedthedoorofthesleeperandsteppedinside。Abig，fatoldmancamewabblinguptome，puffingandblowing。Hehadonecoat-sleeveonandwastryingtoputhisvestonoverthat。Idon’tknowwhohethoughtIwas。 \"Youngman，youngman，\"sayshe，\"youmustkeepcoolandnotgetexcited。 Aboveeverything，keepcool。\" \"Ican’t，\"saysI。\"Excitement’sjusteatingmeup。\"AndthenIletoutayellandturnedloosemyforty-fivethroughtheskylight。 Thatoldmantriedtodiveintooneofthelowerberths，butascreechcameoutofitandabarefootthattookhiminthebread-basketandlandedhimonthefloor。IsawJimcomingintheotherdoor，andI holleredforeverybodytoclimboutandlineup。 Theycommencedtoscrambledown，andforawhilewehadathree-ringedcircus。Themenlookedasfrightenedandtameasalotofrabbitsinadeepsnow。Theyhadon，onanaverage，aboutaquarterofasuitofclothesandoneshoeapiece。Onechapwassittingontheflooroftheaisle，lookingasifhewereworkingahardsuminarithmetic。Hewastrying，verysolemn，topullalady’snumbertwoshoeonhisnumberninefoot。 Theladiesdidn’tstoptodress。Theyweresocurioustoseeareal，livetrainrobber，bless’em，thattheyjustwrappedblanketsandsheetsaroundthemselvesandcameout，squeakyandfidgetylooking。Theyalwaysshowmorecuriosityandsandthanthemendo。 Wegotthemalllinedupandprettyquiet，andIwentthroughthebunch。 Ifoundverylittleonthem——Imeaninthewayofvaluables。Onemaninthelinewasasight。Hewasoneofthosebig，overgrown，solemnsnoozersthatsitontheplatformatlecturesandlookwise。Beforecrawlingouthehadmanagedtoputonhislong，frock-tailedcoatandhishighsilkhat。Therestofhimwasnothingbutpajamasandbunions。WhenIdugintothatPrinceAlbert，IexpectedtodragoutatleastablockofgoldminestockoranarmfulofGovernmentbonds，butallIfoundwasalittleboy’sFrenchharpaboutfourincheslong。Whatitwastherefor，Idon’tknow。Ifeltalittlemadbecausehehadfooledmeso。Istucktheharpupagainsthismouth。 \"Ifyoucan’tpay——play，\"Isays。 \"Ican’tplay，\"sayshe。 \"Thenlearnrightoffquick，\"saysI，lettinghimsmelltheendofmygun-barrel。 Hecaughtholdoftheharp，turnedredasabeet，andcommencedtoblow。 HeblewadinkylittletuneIrememberedhearingwhenIwasakid： Prettiestlittlegalinthecountry——oh！ MammyandDaddytoldmeso。 Imadehimkeeponplayingitallthetimewewereinthecar。Nowandthenhe’dgetweakandoffthekey，andI’dturnmygunonhimandaskwhatwasthematterwiththatlittlegal，andwhetherhehadanyintentionofgoingbackonher，whichwouldmakehimstartupagainlikesixty。I thinkthatoldboystandingthereinhissilkhatandbarefeet，playinghislittleFrenchharp，wasthefunniestsightIeversaw。Onelittlered-headedwomaninthelinebrokeoutlaughingathim。Youcouldhaveheardherinthenextcar。 ThenJimheldthemsteadywhileIsearchedtheberths。Igrappledaroundinthosebedsandfilledapillow-casewiththestrangestassortmentofstuffyoueversaw。NowandthenI’dcomeacrossalittlepop-gunpistol，justaboutrightforpluggingteethwith，whichI’dthrowoutthewindow。 WhenIfinishedwiththecollection，Idumpedthepillow-caseloadinthemiddleoftheaisle。Therewereagoodmanywatches，bracelets，rings，andpocket-books，withasprinklingoffalseteeth，whiskeyflasks，face-powderboxes，chocolatecaramels，andheadsofhairofvariouscoloursandlengths。Therewerealsoaboutadozenladies’stockingsintowhichjewellery，watches，androllsofbillshadbeenstuffedandthenwaddeduptightandstuckunderthemattresses。IofferedtoreturnwhatIcalledthe\"scalps，\"sayingthatwewerenotIndiansonthewar-path，butnoneoftheladiesseemedtoknowtowhomthehairbelonged。 Oneofthewomen——andagood-lookershewas——wrappedinastripedblanket，sawmepickuponeofthestockingsthatwasprettychunkyandheavyaboutthetoe，andshesnappedout： \"That’smine，sir。You’renotinthebusinessofrobbingwomen，areyou？\" Now，asthiswasourfirsthold-up，wehadn’tagreeduponanycodeofethics，soIhardlyknewwhattoanswer。But，anyway，Ireplied：\"Well，notasaspecialty。Ifthiscontainsyourpersonalpropertyyoucanhaveitback。\" \"Itjustdoes，\"shedeclaredeagerly，andreachedoutherhandforit。 \"You’llexcusemytakingalookatthecontents，\"Isaid，holdingthestockingupbythetoe。Outdumpedabiggent’sgoldwatch，worthtwohundred，agent’sleatherpocket-bookthatweafterwardfoundtocontainsixhundreddollars，a32-calibrerevolver；andtheonlythingofthelotthatcouldhavebeenalady’spersonalpropertywasasilverbraceletworthaboutfiftycents。 Isaid：\"Madame，here’syourproperty，\"andhandedherthebracelet。 \"Now，\"Iwenton，\"howcanyouexpectustoactsquarewithyouwhenyoutrytodeceiveusinthismanner？I’msurprisedatsuchconduct。\" Theyoungwomanflushedupasifshehadbeencaughtdoingsomethingdishonest。Someotherwomandownthelinecalledout：\"Themeanthing！\"I neverknewwhethershemeanttheotherladyorme。 Whenwefinishedourjobweorderedeverybodybacktobed，told’emgoodnightverypolitelyatthedoor，andleft。Werodefortymilesbeforedaylightandthendividedthestuff。Eachoneofusgot$1，752。85inmoney。Welumpedthejewelleryaround。Thenwescattered，eachmanforhimself。 Thatwasmyfirsttrainrobbery，anditwasaboutaseasilydoneasanyoftheonesthatfollowed。ButthatwasthelastandonlytimeIeverwentthroughthepassengers。Idon’tlikethatpartofthebusiness。 AfterwardIstuckstrictlytotheexpresscar。DuringthenexteightyearsIhandledagooddealofmoney。 ThebesthaulImadewasjustsevenyearsafterthefirstone。WefoundoutaboutatrainthatwasgoingtobringoutalotofmoneytopayoffthesoldiersataGovernmentpost。Westuckthattrainupinbroaddaylight。Fiveofuslayinthesandhillsnearalittlestation。Tensoldierswereguardingthemoneyonthetrain，buttheymightjustaswellhavebeenathomeonafurlough。Wedidn’tevenallowthemtosticktheirheadsoutthewindowstoseethefun。Wehadnotroubleatallingettingthemoney，whichwasallingold。Ofcourse，abighowlwasraisedatthetimeabouttherobbery。ItwasGovernmentstuff，andtheGovernmentgotsarcasticandwantedtoknowwhattheconvoyofsoldierswentalongfor。 Theonlyexcusegivenwasthatnobodywasexpectinganattackamongthosebaresandhillsindaytime。Idon’tknowwhattheGovernmentthoughtabouttheexcuse，butIknowthatitwasagoodone。Thesurprise——thatisthekeynoteofthetrain-robbingbusiness。Thepaperspublishedallkindsofstoriesabouttheloss，finallyagreeingthatitwasbetweenninethousandandtenthousanddollars。TheGovernmentsawedwood。Herearethecorrectfigures，printedforthefirsttime——forty-eightthousanddollars。IfanybodywilltakethetroubletolookoverUncleSam’sprivateaccountsforthatlittledebittoprofitandloss，hewillfindthatIamrighttoacent。 Bythattimewewereexpertenoughtoknowwhattodo。Werodeduewesttwentymiles，makingatrailthataBroadwaypolicemancouldhavefollowed，andthenwedoubledback，hidingourtracks。Onthesecondnightafterthehold-up，whileposseswerescouringthecountryineverydirection，JimandIwereeatingsupperinthesecondstoryofafriend’shouseinthetownwherethealarmstartedfrom。Ourfriendpointedouttous，inanofficeacrossthestreet，aprintingpressatworkstrikingoffhandbillsofferingarewardforourcapture。 Ihavebeenaskedwhatwedowiththemoneyweget。Well，Inevercouldaccountforatenthpartofitafteritwasspent。Itgoesfastandfreely。Anoutlawhastohaveagoodmanyfriends。Ahighlyrespectedcitizenmay，andoftendoes，getalongwithveryfew，butamanonthedodgehasgottohave\"sidekickers。\"Withangrypossesandreward-hungryofficerscuttingoutahottrailforhim，hemusthaveafewplacesscatteredaboutthecountrywherehecanstopandfeedhimselfandhishorseandgetafewhours’sleepwithouthavingtokeepbotheyesopen。 Whenhemakesahaulhefeelslikedroppingsomeofthecoinwiththesefriends，andhedoesitliberally。SometimesIhave，attheendofahastyvisitatoneofthesehavensofrefuge，flungahandfulofgoldandbillsintothelapsofthekidsplayingonthefloor，withoutknowingwhethermycontributionwasahundreddollarsorathousand。 Whenold-timersmakeabighaultheygenerallygofarawaytooneofthebigcitiestospendtheirmoney。Greenhands，howeversuccessfulahold-uptheymake，nearlyalwaysgivethemselvesawaybyshowingtoomuchmoneyneartheplacewheretheygotit。 Iwasinajobin’94wherewegottwentythousanddollars。Wefollowedourfavouriteplanforaget-away——thatis，doubledonourtrail——andlaidlowforatimenearthesceneofthetrain’sbadluck。OnemorningI pickedupanewspaperandreadanarticlewithbigheadlinesstatingthatthemarshal，witheightdeputiesandaposseofthirtyarmedcitizens，hadthetrainrobberssurroundedinamesquitethicketontheCimarron，andthatitwasaquestionofonlyafewhourswhentheywouldbedeadmenorprisoners。WhileIwasreadingthatarticleIwassittingatbreakfastinoneofthemostelegantprivateresidencesinWashingtonCity，withaflunkyinkneepantsstandingbehindmychair。Jimwassittingacrossthetabletalkingtohishalf-uncle，aretirednavalofficer，whosenameyouhaveoftenseenintheaccountsofdoingsinthecapital。Wehadgonethereandboughtrattlingoutfitsofgoodclothes，andwererestingfromourlaboursamongthenabobs。Wemusthavebeenkilledinthatmesquitethicket，forIcanmakeanaffidavitthatwedidn’tsurrender。 NowIproposetotellwhyitiseasytoholdupatrain，and，then，whynooneshouldeverdoit。 Inthefirstplace，theattackingpartyhasalltheadvantage。Thatis，ofcourse，supposingthattheyareold-timerswiththenecessaryexperienceandcourage。Theyhavetheoutsideandareprotectedbythedarkness，whiletheothersareinthelight，hemmedintoasmallspace，andexposed，themomenttheyshowaheadatawindowordoor，totheaimofamanwhoisadeadshotandwhowon’thesitatetoshoot。 But，inmyopinion，themainconditionthatmakestrainrobbingeasyistheelementofsurpriseinconnectionwiththeimaginationofthepassengers。IfyouhaveeverseenahorsethathaseatenlocoweedyouwillunderstandwhatImeanwhenIsaythatthepassengersgetlocoed。 Thathorsegetstheawfullestimaginationonhimintheworld。Youcan’tcoaxhimtocrossalittlebranchstreamtwofeetwide。ItlooksasbigtohimastheMississippiRiver。That’sjustthewaywiththepassenger。 Hethinksthereareahundredmenyellingandshootingoutside，whenmaybethereareonlytwoorthree。Andthemuzzleofaforty-fivelooksliketheentrancetoatunnel。Thepassengerisallright，althoughhemaydomeanlittletricks，likehidingawadofmoneyinhisshoeandforgettingtodig-upuntilyoujostlehisribssomewiththeendofyoursix-shooter； butthere’snoharminhim。 Astothetraincrew，weneverhadanymoretroublewiththemthaniftheyhadbeensomanysheep。Idon’tmeanthattheyarecowards；Imeanthattheyhavegotsense。Theyknowthey’renotupagainstabluff。It’sthesamewaywiththeofficers。I’veseensecretservicemen，marshals，andrailroaddetectivesforkovertheirchangeasmeekasMoses。IsawoneofthebravestmarshalsIeverknewhidehisgununderhisseatanddigupalongwiththerestwhileIwastakingtoll。Hewasn’tafraid；hesimplyknewthatwehadthedroponthewholeoutfit。Besides，manyofthoseofficershavefamiliesandtheyfeelthattheyoughtn’ttotakechances； whereasdeathhasnoterrorsforthemanwhoholdsupatrain。Heexpectstogetkilledsomeday，andhegenerallydoes。Myadvicetoyou，ifyoushouldeverbeinahold-up，istolineupwiththecowardsandsaveyourbraveryforanoccasionwhenitmaybeofsomebenefittoyou。Anotherreasonwhyofficersarebackwardaboutmixingthingswithatrainrobberisafinancialone。Everytimethereisascrimmageandsomebodygetskilled，theofficerslosemoney。IfthetrainrobbergetsawaytheyswearoutawarrantagainstJohnDoeetal。andtravelhundredsofmilesandsignvouchersforthousandsonthetrailofthefugitives，andtheGovernmentfootsthebills。So，withthem，itisaquestionofmileageratherthancourage。 Iwillgiveoneinstancetosupportmystatementthatthesurpriseisthebestcardinplayingforahold-up。 Alongin’92theDaltonswerecuttingoutahottrailfortheofficersdownintheCherokeeNation，Thoseweretheirluckydays，andtheygotsorecklessandsandy，thattheyusedtoannouncebeforehandwhatjobtheyweregoingtoundertake。OncetheygaveitoutthattheyweregoingtoholduptheM。K。&T。flyeronacertainnightatthestationofPryorCreek，inIndianTerritory。 ThatnighttherailroadcompanygotfifteendeputymarshalsinMuscogeeandputthemonthetrain。BesidethemtheyhadfiftyarmedmenhidinthedepotatPryorCreek。 WhentheKatyFlyerpulledinnotaDaltonshowedup。ThenextstationwasAdair，sixmilesaway。Whenthetrainreachedthere，andthedeputieswerehavingagoodtimeexplainingwhattheywouldhavedonetotheDaltongangiftheyhadturnedup，allatonceitsoundedlikeanarmyfiringoutside。Theconductorandbrakemancamerunningintothecaryelling，\"Trainrobbers！\" Someofthosedeputieslitoutofthedoor，hittheground，andkeptonrunning。SomeofthemhidtheirWinchestersundertheseats。Twoofthemmadeafightandwerebothkilled。 IttooktheDaltonsjusttenminutestocapturethetrainandwhiptheescort。Intwentyminutesmoretheyrobbedtheexpresscaroftwenty-seventhousanddollarsandmadeacleanget-away。 MyopinionisthatthosedeputieswouldhaveputupastifffightatPryorCreek，wheretheywereexpectingtrouble，buttheyweretakenbysurpriseand\"locoed\"atAdair，justastheDaltons，whoknewtheirbusiness，expectedtheywould。 Idon’tthinkIoughttoclosewithoutgivingsomedeductionsfrommyexperienceofeightyears\"onthedodge。\"Itdoesn’tpaytorobtrains。 Leavingoutthequestionofrightandmorals，whichIdon’tthinkIoughttotackle，thereisverylittletoenvyinthelifeofanoutlaw。Afterawhilemoneyceasestohaveanyvalueinhiseyes。Hegetstolookingupontherailroadsandexpresscompaniesashisbankers，andhissix-shooterasachequebookgoodforanyamount。Hethrowsawaymoneyrightandleft。 Mostofthetimeheisonthejump，ridingdayandnight，andhelivessohardbetweentimesthathedoesn’tenjoythetasteofhighlifewhenhegetsit。Heknowsthathistimeisboundtocometolosehislifeorliberty，andthattheaccuracyofhisaim，thespeedofhishorse，andthefidelityofhis\"sider，\"areallthatpostponetheinevitable。 Itisn’tthathelosesanysleepoverdangerfromtheofficersofthelaw。InallmyexperienceIneverknewofficerstoattackabandofoutlawsunlesstheyoutnumberedthematleastthreetoone。 Buttheoutlawcarriesonethoughtconstantlyinhismind——andthatiswhatmakeshimsosoreagainstlife，morethananythingelse——heknowswherethemarshalsgettheirrecruitsofdeputies。Heknowsthatthemajorityoftheseupholdersofthelawwereoncelawbreakers，horsethieves，rustlers，highwaymen，andoutlawslikehimself，andthattheygamedtheirpositionsandimmunitybyturningstate’sevidence，byturningtraitoranddeliveringuptheircomradestoimprisonmentanddeath。Heknowsthatsomeday——unlessheisshotfirst——hisJudaswillsettowork，thetrapwillbelaid，andhewillbethesurprisedinsteadofasurpriseratastick-up。 Thatiswhythemanwhoholdsuptrainspickshiscompanywithathousandtimesthecarewithwhichacarefulgirlchoosesasweetheart。Thatiswhyheraiseshimselffromhisblanketofnightsandlistenstothetreadofeveryhorse’shoofsonthedistantroad。Thatiswhyhebroodssuspiciouslyfordaysuponajestingremarkoranunusualmovementofatriedcomrade，orthebrokenmutteringsofhisclosestfriend，sleepingbyhisside。 Anditisoneofthereasonswhythetrain-robbingprofessionisnotsopleasantaoneaseitherofitscollateralbranches——politicsorcorneringthemarket。 VIULYSSESANDTHEDOGMAN Doyouknowthetimeofthedogmen？ Whentheforefingeroftwilightbeginstosmudgetheclear-drawnlinesoftheBigCitythereisinauguratedanhourdevotedtooneofthemostmelancholysightsofurbanlife。 OutfromthetoweringflatcragsandapartmentpeaksofthecliffdwellersofNewYorkstealsanarmyofbeingsthatwereoncemen，Evenyettheygouprightupontwolimbsandretainhumanformandspeech；butyouwillobservethattheyarebehindanimalsinprogress。Eachofthesebeingsfollowsadog，towhichheisfastenedbyanartificialligament。 ThesemenareallvictimstoCirce。NotwillinglydotheybecomeflunkeystoFido，bellboystobullterriers，andtoddlersafterTowzer。ModernCirce，insteadofturningthemintoanimals，haskindlyleftthedifferenceofasix-footleashbetweenthem。Everyoneofthosedogmenhasbeeneithercajoled，bribed，orcommandedbyhisownparticularCircetotakethedearhouseholdpetoutforanairing。 Bytheirfacesandmanneryoucantellthatthedogmenareboundinahopelessenchantment。Neverwilltherecomeevenadog-catcherUlyssestoremovethespell。 Thefacesofsomearestonilyset。Theyarepastthecommiseration，thecuriosity，orthejeersoftheirfellow-beings。Yearsofmatrimony，ofcontinuouscompulsorycanineconstitutionals，havemadethemcallous。 Theyunwindtheirbeastsfromlampposts，ortheensnaredlegsofprofanepedestrians，withthestolidityofmandarinsmanipulatingthestringsoftheirkites。 Others，morerecentlyreducedtotheranksofRover’sretinue，taketheirmedicinesulkilyandfiercely。Theyplaythedogontheendoftheirlinewiththepleasurefeltbythegirloutfishingwhenshecatchesasea-robinonherhook。Theyglareatyouthreateninglyifyoulookatthem，asifitwouldbetheirdelighttoletslipthedogsofwar。Thesearehalf-mutinousdogmen，notquiteCirce-ized，andyouwilldowellnottokicktheircharges，shouldtheysniffaroundyourankles。 Othersofthetribedonotseemtofeelsokeenly。Theyaremostlyunfreshyouths，withgoldcapsanddroopingcigarettes，whodonotharmonizewiththeirdogs。Theanimalstheyattendwearsatinbowsintheircollars；andtheyoungmensteerthemsoassiduouslythatyouaretemptedtothetheorythatsomepersonaladvantage，contingentuponsatisfactoryservice，waitsupontheexecutionoftheirduties。 Thedogsthuspersonallyconductedareofmanyvarieties；buttheyareoneinfatness，inpampered，diseasedvilenessoftemper，ininsolent，snarlingcapriciousnessofbehaviour。Theytugattheleashfractiously，theymakeleisurelynasalinventoryofeverydoorstep，railing，andpost。Theysitdowntorestwhentheychoose；theywheezelikethewinnerofaThirdAvenuebeefsteak-eatingcontest；theyblunderclumsilyintoopencellarsandcoalholes；theyleadthedogmenamerrydance。 Theseunfortunatedrynursesofdogdom，thecurcuddlers，mongrelmanagers，Spitzstalkers，poodlepullers，Skyescrapers，dachshunddandlers，terriertrailersandPomeranianpushersofthecliff-dwellingCircesfollowtheirchargesmeekly。Thedoggiesneitherfearnorrespectthem。Mastersofthehousethesemenwhomtheyholdinleashmaybe，buttheyarenotmastersofthem。Fromcoseycornertofireescape，fromdivantodumbwaiter，doggy’ssnarleasilydrivesthistwo-leggedbeingwhoiscommissionedtowalkattheotherendofhisstringduringhisouting。 OnetwilightthedogmencameforthasusualattheirCirces’pleading，guerdon，orcrackofthewhip。Oneamongthemwasastrongman，apparentlyoftoosolidvirtuesforthisairyvocation。Hisexpressionwasmelancholic，hismannerdepressed。Hewasleashedtoavilewhitedog，loathsomelyfat，fiendishlyill-natured，gloatinglyintractabletowardhisdespisedconductor。 Atacornernearesttohisapartmenthousethedogmanturneddownasidestreet，hopingforfewerwitnessestohisignominy。Thesurfeitedbeastwaddledbeforehim，pantingwithspleenandthelabourofmotion。 Suddenlythedogstopped。Atall，brown，long-coated，wide-brimmedmanstoodlikeaColossusblockingthesidewalkanddeclaring： \"Well，I’masonofagun！\" \"JimBerry！\"breathedthedogman，withexclamationpointsinhisvoice。 \"SamTelfair，\"criedWide-Brimagain，\"youding-bastedoldwilly-walloo，giveusyourhoof！\" Theirhandsclaspedinthebrief，tightgreetingoftheWestthatisdeathtothehand-shakemicrobe。 \"Youoldfatrascal！\"continuedWide-Brim，withawrinkledbrownsmile； \"it’sbeenfiveyearssinceIseenyou。Ibeeninthistownaweek，butyoucan’tfindnobodyinsuchaplace。Well，youdingedoldmarriedman，howaretheycoming？\" SomethingmushyandheavilysoftlikeraiseddoughleanedagainstJim’slegandchewedhistrouserswithayeastygrowl。 \"Gettowork，\"saidJim，\"andexplainthisyard-widehydrophobiayearlingyou’vethrowedyourlassoover。Areyouthepound-masterofthisburg？ Doyoucallthatadogorwhat？\" \"Ineedadrink，\"saidthedogman，dejectedatthereminderofhisolddogofthesea。\"Comeon。\" Hardbywasacafe。’Tiseversointhebigcity。 Theysatatatable，andthebloatedmonsteryelpedandscrambledattheendofhisleashtogetatthecafecat。 \"Whiskey，\"saidJimtothewaiter。 \"Makeittwo，\"saidthedogman。 \"You’refatter，\"saidJim，\"andyoulooksubjugated。Idon’tknowabouttheEastagreeingwithyou。AlltheboysaskedmetohuntyouupwhenI started，SandyKing，hewenttotheKlondike。WatsonBurrel，hemarriedtheoldestPetersgirl。Imadesomemoneybuyingbeeves，andIboughtalotofwildlandupontheLittlePowder。Goingtofencenextfall。BillRawlins，he’sgonetofarming。YourememberBill，ofcourse——hewascourtingMarcella——excuseme，Sam——Imeantheladyyoumarried，whileshewasteachingschoolatPrairieView。Butyouwastheluckyman。HowisMissisTelfair？\" \"S-h-h-h！\"saidthedogman，signallingthewaiter；\"giveitaname。\" \"Whiskey，\"saidJim。 \"Makeittwo，\"saidthedogman。 \"She’swell，\"hecontinued，afterhischaser。\"SherefusedtoliveanywherebutinNewYork，whereshecamefrom。Weliveinaflat。EveryeveningatsixItakethatdogoutforawalk。It’sMarcella’spet。 Thereneverweretwoanimalsonearth，Jim，thathatedoneanotherlikemeandthatdogdoes。Hisname’sLovekins。Marcelladressesfordinnerwhilewe’reout。Weeattabbledote。Evertryoneofthem，Jim？\" \"No，Inever，\"saidJim。\"Iseenthesigns，butIthoughttheysaid’tabledehole。’IthoughtitwasFrenchforpooltables。Howdoesittaste？\" \"Ifyou’regoingtobeinthecityforawhilewewill——\" \"No，sir-ee。I’mstartingforhomethiseveningonthe7。25。Liketostaylonger，butIcan’t。\" \"I’llwalkdowntotheferrywithyou，\"saidthedogman。 ThedoghadboundalegeachofJimandthechairtogether，andhadsunkintoacomatoseslumber。Jimstumbled，andtheleashwasslightlywrenched。Theshrieksoftheawakenedbeastrangforablockaround。 \"Ifthat’syourdog，\"saidJim，whentheywereonthestreetagain，\"what’stohinderyoufromrunningthathabeascorpusyou’vegotaroundhisneckoveralimbandwalkingoffandforgettinghim？\" \"I’dneverdareto，\"saidthedogman，awedattheboldproposition。\"Hesleepsinthebed，Isleeponalounge。HerunshowlingtoMarcellaifI lookathim。Somenight，Jim，I’mgoingtogetevenwiththatdog。I’vemadeupmymindtodoit。I’mgoingtocreepoverwithaknifeandcutaholeinhismosquitobarsotheycangetintohim。SeeifIdon’tdoit！\" \"Youain’tyourself，SamTelfair。Youain’twhatyouwasonce。Idon’tknowaboutthesecitiesandflatsoverhere。WithmyowneyesIseenyoustandoffboththeTillotsonboysinPrairieViewwiththebrassfaucetoutofamolassesbarrel。AndIseenyouropeandtiethewildeststeeronLittlePowderin391-2。\" \"Idid，didn’tI？\"saidtheother，withatemporarygleaminhiseye。 \"ButthatwasbeforeIwasdogmatized。\" \"DoesMissesTelfair——\"beganJim。