第3章

\"Hush！\"saidthedogman。\"Here’sanothercafe。\" Theylinedupatthebar。Thedogfellasleepattheirfeet。 \"Whiskey，\"saidJim。 \"Makeittwo，\"saidthedogman。 \"Ithoughtaboutyou，\"saidJim，\"whenIboughtthatwildland。Iwishedyouwasouttheretohelpmewiththestock。\" \"LastTuesday，\"saidthedogman，\"hebitmeontheanklebecauseIaskedforcreaminmycoffee。Healwaysgetsthecream。\" \"You’dlikePrairieViewnow，\"saidJim。\"Theboysfromtheround-upsforfiftymilesaroundrideinthere。Onecornerofmypastureisinsixteenmilesofthetown。There’sastraightfortymilesofwireononesideofit。\" \"Youpassthroughthekitchentogettothebedroom，\"saidthedogman，\"andyoupassthroughtheparlourtogettothebathroom，andyoubackoutthroughthedining-roomtogetintothebedroomsoyoucanturnaroundandleavebythekitchen。Andhesnoresandbarksinhissleep，andI havetosmokeintheparkonaccountofhisasthma。\" \"Don’tMissisTelfair——\"beganJim。 \"Oh，shutup！\"saidthedogman。\"Whatisitthistime？\" \"Whiskey，\"saidJim。 \"Makeittwo，\"saidthedogman。 \"Well，I’llberackingalongdowntowardtheferry，\"saidtheother。 \"Comeon，there，youmangy，turtle-backed，snake-headed，bench-leggedton-and-a-halfofsoap-grease！\"shoutedthedogman，withanewnoteinhisvoiceandanewhandontheleash。Thedogscrambledafterthem，withanangrywhineatsuchunusuallanguagefromhisguardian。 AtthefootofTwenty-thirdStreetthedogmanledthewaythroughswingingdoors。 \"Lastchance，\"saidhe。\"Speakup。\" \"Whiskey，\"saidJim。 \"Makeittwo，\"saidthedogman。 \"Idon’tknow，\"saidtheranchman，\"whereI’llfindthemanIwanttotakechargeoftheLittlePowderoutfit。IwantsomebodyIknowsomethingabout。Fineststretchofprairieandtimberyoueversquintedyoureyeover，Sam。Nowifyouwas——\" \"Speakingofhydrophobia，\"saidthedogman，\"theothernighthechewedapieceoutofmylegbecauseIknockedaflyoffofMarcella’sarm。’Itoughttobecauterized，’saysMarcella，andIwasthinkingsomyself。I telephonesforthedoctor，andwhenhecomesMarcellasaystome：’Helpmeholdthepoordearwhilethedoctorfixeshismouth。Oh，Ihopehegotnovirusonanyofhistoofieswhenhebityou。’Nowwhatdoyouthinkofthat？\" \"DoesMissisTelfair——\"beganJim。 \"Oh，dropit，\"saidthedogman。\"Comeagain！\" \"Whiskey，\"saidJim。 \"Makeittwo，\"saidthedogman。 Theywalkedontotheferry。Theranchmansteppedtotheticketwindow。 Suddenlytheswiftlandingofthreeorfourheavykickswasheard，theair。wasrentbypiercingcanineshrieks，andapained，outraged，lubberly，bow-leggedpuddingofadogranfrenziedlyupthestreetalone。 \"TickettoDenver，\"saidJim。 \"Makeittwo，\"shoutedtheex-dogman，reachingforhisinsidepocket。 VIITHECHAMPIONOFTHEWEATHER IfyoushouldspeakoftheKiowaReservationtotheaverageNewYorkerheprobablywouldn’tknowwhetheryouwerereferringtoanewpoliticaldodgeatAlbanyoraleitmotiffrom\"Parsifal。\"ButoutintheKiowaReservationadviceshavebeenreceivedconcerningtheexistenceofNewYork。 ApartyofuswereonahuntingtripintheReservation。BudKingsbury，ourguide，philosopher，andfriend，wasbroilingantelopesteaksincamponenight。Oneoftheparty，apinkish-hairedyoungmaninacorrecthuntingcostume，saunteredovertothefiretolightacigarette，andremarkedcarelesslytoBud： \"Nicenight！\" \"Why，yes，\"saidBud，\"asniceasanynightcouldbethatain’treceivedtheBroadwaystampofapproval。\" Now，theyoungmanwasfromNewYork，buttherestofuswonderedhowBudguessedit。So，whenthesteaksweredone，webesoughthimtolaybarehissystemofratiocination。AndasBudwassomethingofaTerritorialtalkingmachinehemadeorationasfollows： \"HowdidIknowhewasfromNewYork？Well，Ifigureditoutassoonashesprungthemtwowordsonme。IwasinNewYorkmyselfacoupleofyearsago，andInoticedsomeoftheearmarksandhooftracksoftheRanchoManhattan。\" \"FoundNewYorkratherdifferentfromthePanhandle，didn’tyou，Bud？\" askedoneofthehunters。 \"Can’tsaythatIdid，\"answeredBud；\"anyways，notmorethansome。ThemaintrailinthattownwhichtheycallBroadwayisplentytravelled，butthey’reaboutthesamebrandofbipedsthattramparoundinCheyenneandAmarillo，AtfirstIwassortofrattledbythecrowds，butIsoonsaystomyself，’Here，now，Bud；they’rejustplainfolkslikeyouandGeronimoandGroverClevelandandtheWatsonboys，sodon’tgetallflusteredupwithconsternationunderyoursaddleblanket，’andthenIfeelscalmandpeaceful，likeIwasbackintheNationagainataghostdanceoragreencornpow-wow。 \"I’dbeensavingupforayeartogivethisNewYorkawhirl。IknewamannamedSummersthatlivedthere，butIcouldn’tfindhim；soIplayedalonehandatenjoyingtheintoxicatingpleasuresofthecorn-fedmetropolis。 \"ForawhileIwassofrivolousandlocoedbytheelectriclightsandthenoisesofthephonographsandthesecond-storyrailroadsthatIforgotoneofthecryingneedsofmyWesternsystemofnaturalrequirements。Ineverwasnohandtodenymyselfthepleasuresofsociablevocalintercoursewithfriendsandstrangers。OutintheTerritorieswhenImeetamanI neversawbefore，insideofnineminutesIknowhisincome，religion，sizeofcollar，andhiswife’stemper，andhowmuchhepaysforclothes，alimony，andchewingtobacco。It’sagiftwithmenottobepenuriouswithmyconversation。 \"ButthishereNewYorkwasinauguratedontheideaofabstemiousnessinregardtothepartsofspeech。AttheendofthreeweeksnobodyinthecityhadfiredevenablanksyllableinmydirectionexceptthewaiterinthegrubemporiumwhereIfed。Andashisoutpouringsofsyntaxwasn’tnothingbutplagiarismsfromthebilloffare，heneversatisfiedmyyearnings，whichwastohavesomebodyhit。IfIstoodnexttoamanatabarhe’dedgeoffandgiveaBaldwin-ZieglerlookasifhesuspectedmeofhavingtheNorthPoleconcealedonmyperson。IbegantowishthatI’dgonetoAbileneorWacoformy_paseado_；forthemayorofthemplaceswilldrinkwithyou，andthefirstcitizenyoumeetwilltellyouhismiddlenameandask’youtotakeachanceinaraffleforamusicbox。 \"Well，onedaywhenIwasparticularhankeringfortobegregariouswithsomethingmoreloquaciousthanalamppost，afellowinacaffysaystome，sayshe： \"’Niceday！’ \"Hewasakindofamanageroftheplace，andIreckonhe’dseenmeinthereagoodmanytimes。HehadafacelikeafishandaneyelikeJudas，butIgotupandputonearmaroundhisneck。 \"’Pardner，’Isays，’sureit’saniceday。You’rethefirstgentlemaninallNewYorktoobservethattheintricaciesofhumanspeechmightnotbealtogetherwastedonWilliamKingsbury。Butdon’tyouthink，’saysI，’that’twasalittlecoolearlyinthemorning；andain’tthereafeelingofrainintheairto-night？Butalongaboutnoonitsurewasgallupsiousweather。How’salluptothehouse？Youdoingrightwellwiththecaffy，now？’ \"Well，sir，thatgalootjustturnshisbackandwalksoffstiff，withoutaword，afterallmytryingtobeagreeable！Ididn’tknowwhattomakeofit。ThatnightIfindsanotefromSummers，who’dbeenawayfromtown，givingtheaddressofhiscamp。Igoesuptohishouseandhasagood，old-timetalkwithhisfolks。AndItellsSummersabouttheactionsofthiscoyoteinthecaffy，anddesiresinterpretation。 \"’Oh，’saysSummers，’hewasn’tintendingtostrikeupaconversationwithyou。That’sjusttheNewYorkstyle。He’dseenyouwasaregularcustomerandhespokeawordortwojusttoshowyouheappreciatedyourcustom。Yououghtn’ttohavefolloweditup。That’saboutasfaraswecaretogowithastranger。Awordorsoabouttheweathermaybeventured，butwedon’tgenerallymakeitthebasisofanacquaintance。’ \"’Billy，’saysI，’theweatheranditsramificationsisasolemnsubjectwithme。Meteorologyisoneofmysorepoints。Nomancanopenupthequestionoftemperatureorhumidityorthegladsunshinewithme，andthenturntailonitwithoutitsleadingtoafallingbarometer。I’mgoingdowntoseethatmanagainandgivehimalessonintheartofcontinuousconversation。YousayNewYorketiquetteallowshimtwowordsandnoanswer。Well，he’sgoingtoturnhimselfintoaweatherbureauandfinishwhathebegunwithme，besidesindulginginneighbourlyremarksonothersubjects。’ \"Summerstalkedaginit，butIwasirritatedsomeandIwentonthestreetcarbacktothatcaffy。 \"Thesamefellowwasthereyet，walkingroundinasortofbackcorralwheretherewastablesandchairs。Afewpeoplewassittingaroundhavingdrinksandsneeringatoneanother。 \"Icalledthatmantoonesideandherdedhimintoacorner。Iunbuttonedenoughtoshowhimathirty-eightIcarriedstuckundermyvest。 \"’Pardner，’Isays，’abriefspaceagoIwasinhereandyouseizedtheopportunitytosayitwasaniceday。WhenIattemptedtocorroborateyourweathersignal，youturnedyourbackandwalkedoff。Now，’saysI，’youfrog-hearted，language-shy，stiff-neckedcrossbetweenaSpitzbergenseacookandamuzzledoyster，youresumewhereyouleftoffinyourdiscourseontheweather。’ \"Thefellowlooksatmeandtriestogrin，butheseesIdon’tandhecomesaroundserious。 \"’Well，’sayshe，eyeingthehandleofmygun，’itwasratheraniceday； somewarmish，though。’ \"’Particulars，youmealy-mouthedsnoozer，’Isays——’let’shavethespecifications——expatiate——fillintheoutlines。Whenyoustartanythingwithmeinshort-handit’sboundtoturnoutastormsignal。’ \"’Lookedlikerainyesterday，’saystheman，’butitclearedofffineintheforenoon。Ihearthefarmersareneedingrainrightbadlyup-State。’ \"’That’sthekindofacanter，’saysI。’ShaketheNewYorkdustoffyourhoofsandbearealagreeablekindofacentaur。Youbroketheice，youknow，andwe’regettingbetteracquaintedeveryminute。SeemstomeI askedyouaboutyourfamily？’ \"’They’reallwell，thanks，’sayshe。’We——wehaveanewpiano。’ \"’Nowyou’recomingit，’Isays。’Thiscoldreserveisbreakingupatlast。Thatlittletouchaboutthepianoalmostmakesusbrothers。What’stheyoungestkid’sname？’Iaskshim。 \"’Thomas，’sayshe。’He’sjustgettingwellfromthemeasles。’ \"’IfeellikeI’dknownyoualways，’saysI。’Nowtherewasjustonemore——areyoudoingrightwellwiththecaffy，now？’ \"’Prettywell，’hesays。’I’mputtingawayalittlemoney。’ \"’Gladtohearit，’saysI。’Nowgobacktoyourworkandgetcivilized。 Keepyourhandsofftheweatherunlessyou’rereadytofollowitupinapersonalmanner，It’sasubjectthatnaturallybelongstosociabilityandtheformingofnewties，andIhatetoseeithandedoutinsmallchangeinatownlikethis。’ \"SothenextdayIrollsupmyblanketsandhitsthetrailawayfromNewYorkCity。\" FormanyminutesafterBudceasedtalkingwelingeredaroundthefire，andthenallhandsbegantodisperseforbed。 AsIwasunrollingmybeddingIheardthepinkish-hairedyoungmansayingtoBud，withsomethinglikeanxietyinhisvoice： \"AsIsay，Mr。Kingsbury，thereissomethingreallybeautifulaboutthisnight。Thedelightfulbreezeandthebrightstarsandtheclearairuniteinmakingitwonderfullyattractive。\" \"Yes，\"saidBud，\"it’sanicenight。\" VIIIMAKESTHEWHOLEWORLDKIN Theburglarsteppedinsidethewindowquickly，andthenhetookhistime。 Aburglarwhorespectshisartalwaystakeshistimebeforetakinganythingelse。 Thehousewasaprivateresidence。ByitsboardedfrontdooranduntrimmedBostonivytheburglarknewthatthemistressofitwassittingonsomeoceansidepiazzatellingasympatheticmaninayachtingcapthatnoonehadeverunderstoodhersensitive，lonelyheart。Heknewbythelightinthethird-storyfrontwindows，andbythelatenessoftheseason，thatthemasterofthehousehadcomehome，andwouldsoonextinguishhislightandretire。ForitwasSeptemberoftheyearandofthesoul，inwhichseasonthehouse’sgoodmancomestoconsiderroofgardensandstenographersasvanities，andtodesirethereturnofhismateandthemoredurableblessingsofdecorumandthemoralexcellencies。 Theburglarlightedacigarette。Theguardedglowofthematchilluminatedhissalientpointsforamoment。Hebelongedtothethirdtypeofburglars。 Thisthirdtypehasnotyetbeenrecognizedandaccepted。Thepolicehavemadeusfamiliarwiththefirstandsecond。Theirclassificationissimple。Thecollaristhedistinguishingmark。 Whenaburglariscaughtwhodoesnotwearacollarheisdescribedasadegenerateofthelowesttype，singularlyviciousanddepraved，andissuspectedofbeingthedesperatecriminalwhostolethehandcuffsoutofPatrolmanHennessy’spocketin1878andwalkedawaytoescapearrest。 Theotherwell-knowntypeistheburglarwhowearsacollar。HeisalwaysreferredtoasaRafflesinreallife。Heisinvariablyagentlemanbydaylight，breakfastinginadresssuit，andposingasapaperhanger，whileafterdarkheplieshisnefariousoccupationofburglary。HismotherisanextremelywealthyandrespectedresidentofOceanGrove，andwhenheisconductedtohiscellheasksatonceforanailfileandthePoliceGazette。HealwayshasawifeineveryStateintheUnionandfianceesinalltheTerritories，andthenewspapersprinthismatrimonialgalleryoutoftheirstockofcutsoftheladieswhowerecuredbyonlyonebottleafterhavingbeengivenupbyfivedoctors，experiencinggreatreliefafterthefirstdose。 Theburglarworeabluesweater。HewasneitheraRafflesnoroneofthechefsfromHell’sKitchen。Thepolicewouldhavebeenbaffledhadtheyattemptedtoclassifyhim。Theyhavenotyetheardoftherespectable，unassumingburglarwhoisneitherabovenorbelowhisstation。 Thisburglarofthethirdclassbegantoprowl。Heworenomasks，darklanterns，orgumshoes。Hecarrieda88-calibrerevolverinhispocket，andhechewedpeppermintgumthoughtfully。 Thefurnitureofthehousewasswathedinitssummerdustprotectors。Thesilverwasfarawayinsafe-depositvaults。Theburglarexpectednoremarkable\"haul。\"Hisobjectivepointwasthatdimlylightedroomwherethemasterofthehouseshouldbesleepingheavilyafterwhateversolacehehadsoughttolightentheburdenofhisloneliness。A\"touch\"mightbemadetheretotheextentoflegitimate，fairprofessionalprofits——loosemoney，awatch，ajewelledstick-pin——nothingexorbitantorbeyondreason。Hehadseenthewindowleftopenandhadtakenthechance。 Theburglarsoftlyopenedthedoorofthelightedroom。Thegaswasturnedlow。Amanlayinthebedasleep。Onthedresserlaymanythingsinconfusion——acrumpledrollofbills，awatch，keys，threepokerchips，crushedcigars，apinksilkhairbow，andanunopenedbottleofbromo-seltzerforabulwarkinthemorning。 Theburglartookthreestepstowardthedresser。Themaninthebedsuddenlyutteredasqueakygroanandopenedhiseyes。Hisrighthandslidunderhispillow，butremainedthere。 \"Laystill，\"saidtheburglarinconversationaltone。Burglarsofthethirdtypedonothiss。Thecitizeninthebedlookedattheroundendoftheburglar’spistolandlaystill。 \"Nowholdupbothyourhands，\"commandedtheburglar。 Thecitizenhadalittle，pointed，brown-and-graybeard，likethatofapainlessdentist。Helookedsolid，esteemed，irritable，anddisgusted。 Hesatupinbedandraisedhisrighthandabovehishead。 \"Upwiththeotherone，\"orderedtheburglar。\"Youmightbeamphibiousandshootwithyourleft。Youcancounttwo，can’tyou？Hurryup，now。\" \"Can’traisetheotherone，\"saidthecitizen，withacontortionofhislineaments。 \"What’sthematterwithit？\" \"Rheumatismintheshoulder。\" \"Inflammatory？\" \"Was。Theinflammationhasgonedown。\"Theburglarstoodforamomentortwo，holdinghisgunontheafflictedone。Heglancedattheplunderonthedresserandthen，withahalf-embarrassedair，backatthemaninthebed。Thenhe，too，madeasuddengrimace。 \"Don’tstandtheremakingfaces，\"snappedthecitizen，bad-humouredly。 \"Ifyou’vecometoburglewhydon’tyoudoit？There’ssomestufflyingaround。\" \"’Scuseme，\"saidtheburglar，withagrin；\"butitjustsockedmeone，too。It’sgoodforyouthatrheumatismandmehappenstobeoldpals。I gotitinmyleftarm，too。Mostanybodybutmewouldhavepoppedyouwhenyouwouldn’thoistthatleftclawofyours。\" \"Howlonghaveyouhadit？\"inquiredthecitizen。 \"Fouryears。Iguessthatain’tall。Onceyou’vegotit，it’syouforarheumaticlife——that’smyjudgment。\" \"Evertryrattlesnakeoil？\"askedthecitizen，interestedly。 \"Gallons，\"saidtheburglar。\"IfallthesnakesI’veusedtheoilofwasstrungoutinarowthey’dreacheighttimesasfarasSaturn，andtherattlescouldbeheardatValparaiso，Indiana，andback。\" \"SomeuseChiselum’sPills，\"remarkedthecitizen。 \"Fudge！\"saidtheburglar。\"Took’emfivemonths。Nogood。IhadsomerelieftheyearItriedFinkelham’sExtract，BalmofGileadpoulticesandPotts’sPainPulverizer；butIthinkitwasthebuckeyeIcarriedinmypocketwhatdonethetrick。\" \"Isyoursworseinthemorningoratnight？\"askedthecitizen。 \"Night，\"saidtheburglar；\"justwhenI’mbusiest。Say，takedownthatarmofyours——Iguessyouwon’t——Say！didyouevertryBlickerstaff’sBloodBuilder？\" \"Ineverdid。Doesyourscomeinparoxysmsorisitasteadypain？\" Theburglarsatdownonthefootofthebedandrestedhisgunonhiscrossedknee。 \"Itjumps，\"saidhe。\"ItstrikesmewhenIain’tlookingforit。Ihadtogiveupsecond-storyworkbecauseIgotstucksometimeshalf-wayup。 Tellyouwhat——Idon’tbelievethebloomin’doctorsknowwhatisgoodforit。\" \"Samehere。I’vespentathousanddollarswithoutgettinganyrelief。 Yoursswellany？\" \"Ofmornings。Andwhenit’sgoin’torain——greatChristopher！\" \"Me，too，\"saidthecitizen。\"Icantellwhenastreakofhumiditythesizeofatable-clothstartsfromFloridaonitswaytoNewYork。AndifIpassatheatrewherethere’san’EastLynne’matineegoingon，themoisturestartsmyleftarmjumpinglikeatoothache。\" \"It’sundiluted——hades！\"saidtheburglar。 \"You’redeadright，\"saidthecitizen。 Theburglarlookeddownathispistolandthrustitintohispocketwithanawkwardattemptatease。 \"Say，oldman，\"hesaid，constrainedly，\"evertryopodeldoc？\" \"Slop！\"saidthecitizenangrily。\"Mightaswellrubonrestaurantbutter。\" \"Sure，\"concurredtheburglar。\"It’sasalvesuitableforlittleMinniewhenthekittyscratchesherfinger。I’lltellyouwhat！We’reupagainstit。Ionlyfindonethingthateasesherup。Hey？Littleoldsanitary，ameliorating，lest-we-forgetBooze。Say——thisjob’soff——’scuseme—— getonyourclothesandlet’sgooutandhavesome。’Scusetheliberty，but——ouch！Thereshegoesagain！\" \"Foraweek，\"saidthecitizen。\"Ihaven’tbeenabletodressmyselfwithouthelp。I’mafraidThomasisinbed，and——\" \"Climbout，\"saidtheburglar，\"I’llhelpyougetintoyourduds。\" Theconventionalreturnedasatidalwaveandfloodedthecitizen。Hestrokedhisbrown-and-graybeard。 \"It’sveryunusual——\"hebegan。 \"Here’syourshirt，\"saidtheburglar，\"fallout。IknewamanwhosaidOmberry’sOintmentfixedhimintwoweekssohecouldusebothhandsintyinghisfour-in-hand。\" Astheyweregoingoutthedoorthecitizenturnedandstartedback。 \"Likedtoforgotmymoney，\"heexplained；\"laiditonthedresserlastnight。\" Theburglarcaughthimbytherightsleeve。 \"Comeon，\"hesaidbluffly。\"Iaskyou。Leaveitalone。I’vegottheprice。Evertrywitchhazelandoilofwintergreen？\" IXATARMSWITHMORPHEUS InevercouldquiteunderstandhowTomHopkinscametomakethatblunder，forhehadbeenthroughawholetermatamedicalcollege——beforeheinheritedhisaunt’sfortune——andhadbeenconsideredstrongintherapeutics。 Wehadbeenmakingacalltogetherthatevening，andafterwardTomranuptomyroomsforapipeandachatbeforegoingontohisownluxuriousapartments。IhadsteppedintotheotherroomforamomentwhenIheardTomsingout： \"Oh，Billy，I’mgoingtotakeaboutfourgrainsofquinine，ifyoudon’tmind——I’mfeelingallblueandshivery。GuessI’mtakingcold。\" \"Allright，\"Icalledback。\"Thebottleisonthesecondshelf。Takeitinaspoonfulofthatelixirofeucalyptus。Itknocksthebitterout。\" AfterIcamebackwesatbythefireandgotourbriarsgoing。InabouteightminutesTomsankbackintoagentlecollapse。 Iwentstraighttothemedicinecabinetandlooked。 \"Youunmitigatedhayseed！\"Igrowled。\"Seewhatmoneywilldoforaman’sbrains！\" Therestoodthemorphinebottlewiththestoppleout，justasTomhadleftit。 IroutedoutanotheryoungM。D。whoroomedonthefloorabove，andsenthimforoldDoctorGales，twosquaresaway。TomHopkinshastoomuchmoneytobeattendedbyrisingyoungpractitionersalone。 WhenGalescameweputTomthroughasexpensiveacourseoftreatmentastheresourcesoftheprofessionpermit。Afterthemoredrasticremedieswegavehimcitrateofcaffeineinfrequentdosesandstrongcoffee，andwalkedhimupanddownthefloorbetweentwoofus。OldGalespinchedhimandslappedhisfaceandworkedhardforthebigcheckhecouldseeinthedistance。TheyoungM。D。fromthenextfloorgaveTomamosthearty，rousingkick，andthenapologizedtome。 \"Couldn’thelpit，\"hesaid。\"Ineverkickedamillionairebeforeinmylife。Imayneverhaveanotheropportunity。\" \"Now，\"saidDoctorGales，afteracoupleofhours，\"he’lldo。Butkeephimawakeforanotherhour。Youcandothatbytalkingtohimandshakinghimupoccasionally。Whenhispulseandrespirationarenormalthenlethimsleep。I’llleavehimwithyounow。\" IwasleftalonewithTom，whomwehadlaidonacouch。Helayverystill，andhiseyeswerehalfclosed。Ibeganmyworkofkeepinghimawake。 \"Well，oldman，\"Isaid，\"you’vehadanarrowsqueak，butwe’vepulledyouthrough。Whenyouwereattendinglectures，Tom，didn’tanyoftheprofessorsevercasuallyremarkthatm-o-r-p-h-i-aneverspells’quinia，’ especiallyinfour-graindoses？ButIwon’tpileituponyouuntilyougetonyourfeet。Butyououghttohavebeenadruggist，Tom；you’resplendidlyqualifiedtofillprescriptions。\" Tomlookedatmewithafaintandfoolishsmile。 \"B’ly，\"hemurmured，\"Ifeeljus’likeahum’nbirdflyin’aroundajollylotofmost’shpensiveroses。Don’bozzerme。Goin’sleepnow。\" Andhewenttosleepintwoseconds。Ishookhimbytheshoulder。 \"Now，Tom，\"Isaid，severely，\"thiswon’tdo。Thebigdoctorsaidyoumuststayawakeforatleastanhour。Openyoureyes。You’renotentirelysafeyet，youknow。Wakeup。\" TomHopkinsweighsonehundredandninety-eight。Hegavemeanothersomnolentgrin，andfellintodeeperslumber。Iwouldhavemadehimmoveabout，butImightaswellhavetriedtomakeCleopatra’sneedlewaltzaroundtheroomwithme。Tom’sbreathingbecamestertorous，andthat，inconnectionwithmorphiapoisoning，meansdanger。 ThenIbegantothink。Icouldnotrousehisbody；Imuststrivetoexcitehismind。\"Makehimangry，\"wasanideathatsuggesteditself。 \"Good！\"Ithought；buthow？TherewasnotajointinTom’sarmour。Dearoldfellow！Hewasgoodnatureitself，andagallantgentleman，fineandtrueandcleanassunlight。HecamefromsomewheredownSouth，wheretheystillhaveidealsandacode。NewYorkhadcharmed，buthadnotspoiled，him。Hehadthatold-fashionedchivalrousreverenceforwomen，that——Eureka！——therewasmyidea！Iworkedthethingupforaminuteortwoinmyimagination。IchuckledtomyselfatthethoughtofspringingathinglikethatonoldTomHopkins。ThenItookhimbytheshoulderandshookhimtillhisearsflopped。Heopenedhiseyeslazily。Iassumedanexpressionofscornandcontempt，andpointedmyfingerwithintwoinchesofhisnose。 \"Listentome，Hopkins，\"Isaid，incuttinganddistincttones，\"youandI havebeengoodfriends，butIwantyoutounderstandthatinthefuturemydoorsareclosedagainstanymanwhoactsasmuchlikeascoundrelasyouhave。\" Tomlookedtheleastbitinterested。 \"What’sthematter，Billy？\"hemuttered，composedly。\"Don’tyourclothesfityou？\" \"IfIwereinyourplace，\"Iwenton，\"which，thankGod，Iamnot，IthinkIwouldbeafraidtoclosemyeyes。HowaboutthatgirlyouleftwaitingforyoudownamongthoselonesomeSouthernpines——thegirlthatyou’veforgottensinceyoucameintoyourconfoundedmoney？Oh，IknowwhatI’mtalkingabout。Whileyouwereapoormedicalstudentshewasgoodenoughforyou。Butnow，sinceyouareamillionaire，it’sdifferent。Iwonderwhatshethinksoftheperformancesofthatpeculiarclassofpeoplewhichshehasbeentaughttoworship——theSoutherngentlemen？I’msorry，Hopkins，thatIwasforcedtospeakaboutthesematters，butyou’vecovereditupsowellandplayedyourpartsonicelythatIwouldhaveswornyouwereabovesuchunmanlytricks\" PoorTom。Icouldscarcelykeepfromlaughingoutrighttoseehimstrugglingagainsttheeffectsoftheopiate。Hewasdistinctlyangry，andIdidn’tblamehim。TomhadaSoutherntemper。Hiseyeswereopennow，andtheyshowedagleamortwooffire。Butthedrugstillcloudedhismindandboundhistongue。 \"C-c-confoundyou，\"hestammered，\"I’lls-smashyou。\" Hetriedtorisefromthecouch。Withallhissizehewasveryweaknow。 Ithrusthimbackwithonearm。Helaythereglaringlikealioninatrap。 \"Thatwillholdyouforawhile，youoldloony，\"Isaidtomyself。Igotupandlitmypipe，forIwasneedingasmoke。Iwalkedaroundabit，congratulatingmyselfonmybrilliantidea。 Iheardasnore。Ilookedaround。Tomwasasleepagain。Iwalkedoverandpunchedhimonthejaw。Helookedatmeaspleasantandungrudgingasanidiot。Ichewedmypipeandgaveittohimhard。 \"Iwantyoutorecoveryourselfandgetoutofmyroomsassoonasyoucan，\"Isaid，insultingly。\"I’vetoldyouwhatIthinkofyou。Ifyouhaveanyhonourorhonestyleftyouwillthinktwicebeforeyouattemptagaintoassociatewithgentlemen。She’sapoorgirl，isn’tshe？\"I sneered。\"Somewhattooplainandunfashionableforussincewegotourmoney。BeashamedtowalkonFifthAvenuewithher，wouldn’tyou？ Hopkins，you’reforty-seventimesworsethanacad。Whocaresforyourmoney？Idon’t。I’llbetthatgirldon’t。Perhapsifyoudidn’thaveityou’dbemoreofaman。Asitisyou’vemadeacurofyourself，and\"——I thoughtthatquitedramatic——\"perhapsbrokenafaithfulheart。\"（OldTomHopkinsbreakingafaithfulheart！）\"Letmeberidofyouassoonaspossible。\" IturnedmybackonTom，andwinkedatmyselfinamirror。Iheardhimmoving，andIturnedagainquickly。Ididn’twantahundredandninety-eightpoundsfallingonmefromtherear。ButTomhadonlyturnedpartlyover，andlaidonearmacrosshisface。Hespokeafewwordsrathermoredistinctlythanbefore。 \"Icouldn’thave——talkedthisway——toyou，Billy，evenifI’dheardpeople——lyin’’boutyou。Butjus’soon’sIcans-standup——I’llbreakyourneck——don’f’getit。\" Ididfeelalittleashamedthen。ButitwastosaveTom。Inthemorning，whenIexplainedit，wewouldhaveagoodlaughoverittogether。 InabouttwentyminutesTomdroppedintoasound，easyslumber。Ifelthispulse，listenedtohisrespiration，andlethimsleep。Everythingwasnormal，andTomwassafe。Iwentintotheotherroomandtumbledintobed。 IfoundTomupanddressedwhenIawokethenextmorning。Hewasentirelyhimselfagainwiththeexceptionofshakynervesandatonguelikeawhite-oakchip。 \"WhatanidiotIwas，\"hesaid，thoughtfully。\"IrememberthinkingthatquininebottlelookedqueerwhileIwastakingthedose。Havemuchtroubleinbringingme’round？\" Itoldhimno。Hismemoryseemedbadabouttheentireaffair。I concludedthathehadnorecollectionofmyeffortstokeephimawake，anddecidednottoenlightenhim。Someothertime，Ithought，whenhewasfeelingbetter，wewouldhavesomefunoverit。 WhenTomwasreadytogohestopped，withthedooropen，andshookmyhand。 \"Muchobliged，oldfellow，\"hesaid，quietly，\"fortakingsomuchtroublewithme——andforwhatyousaid。I’mgoingdownnowtotelegraphtothelittlegirl。\" XAGHOSTOFACHANCE \"Actually，ahod！\"repeatedMrs。Kinsolving，pathetically。 Mrs。BellamyBellmorearchedasympatheticeyebrow。Thussheexpressedcondolenceandagenerousamountofapparentsurprise。 \"Fancyhertellingeverywhere，\"recapitulatedMrs。Kinsolving，\"thatshesawaghostintheapartmentsheoccupiedhere——ourchoicestguest-room——aghost，carryingahodonitsshoulder——theghostofanoldmaninoveralls，smokingapipeandcarryingahod！Theveryabsurdityofthethingshowshermaliciousintent。ThereneverwasaKinsolvingthatcarriedahod。EveryoneknowsthatMr。Kinsolving’sfatheraccumulatedhismoneybylargebuildingcontracts，butheneverworkedadaywithhisownhands。Hehadthishousebuiltfromhisownplans；but——oh，ahod！ Whyneedshehavebeensocruelandmalicious？\" \"Itisreallytoobad，\"murmuredMrs。Bellmore，withanapprovingglanceofherfineeyesaboutthevastchamberdoneinlilacandoldgold。\"Anditwasinthisroomshesawit！Oh，no，I’mnotafraidofghosts。Don’thavetheleastfearonmyaccount。I’mgladyouputmeinhere。Ithinkfamilyghostssointeresting！But，really，thestorydoessoundalittleinconsistent。IshouldhaveexpectedsomethingbetterfromMrs。 Fischer-Suympkins。Don’ttheycarrybricksinhods？Whyshouldaghostbringbricksintoavillabuiltofmarbleandstone？I’msosorry，butitmakesmethinkthatageisbeginningtotelluponMrs。Fischer-Suympkins。\" \"Thishouse，\"continuedMrs。Kinsolving，\"wasbuiltuponthesiteofanoldoneusedbythefamilyduringtheRevolution。Therewouldn’tbeanythingstrangeinitshavingaghost。AndtherewasaCaptainKinsolvingwhofoughtinGeneralGreene’sarmy，thoughwe’veneverbeenabletosecureanypaperstovouchforit。Ifthereistobeafamilyghost，whycouldn’tithavebeenhis，insteadofabricklayer’s？\" \"TheghostofaRevolutionaryancestorwouldn’tbeabadidea，\"agreedMrs。Bellmore；\"butyouknowhowarbitraryandinconsiderateghostscanbe。Maybe，likelove，theyare’engenderedintheeye。’Oneadvantageofthosewhoseeghostsisthattheirstoriescan’tbedisproved。Byaspitefuleye，aRevolutionaryknapsackmighteasilybeconstruedtobeahod。DearMrs。Kinsolving，thinknomoreofit。Iamsureitwasaknapsack。\" \"Butshetoldeverybody！\"mournedMrs。Kinsolving，inconsolable。\"Sheinsisteduponthedetails。Thereisthepipe。Andhowareyougoingtogetoutoftheoveralls？\" \"Shan’tgetintothem，\"saidMrs。Bellmore，withaprettilysuppressedyawn；\"toostiffandwrinkly。Isthatyou，Felice？Preparemybath，please。DoyoudineatsevenatClifftop，Mrs。Kinsolving？Sokindofyoutoruninforachatbeforedinner！Ilovethoselittletouchesofinformalitywithaguest。Theygivesuchahomeflavourtoavisit。Sosorry；Imustbedressing。IamsoindolentIalwayspostponeituntilthelastmoment。\" Mrs。Fischer-SuympkinshadbeenthefirstlargeplumthattheKinsolvingshaddrawnfromthesocialpie。Foralongtime，thepieitselfhadbeenoutofreachonatopshelf。Butthepurseandthepursuithadatlastloweredit。Mrs。Fischer-Suympkinswastheheliographofthesmartsocietyparadingcorps。Theglitterofherwitandactionspassedalongtheline，transmittingwhateverwaslatestandmostdaringinthegameofpeep-show。Formerly，herfameandleadershiphadbeensecureenoughnottoneedthesupportofsuchartificesashandingaroundlivefrogsforfavoursatacotillon。But，now，thesethingswerenecessarytotheholdingofherthrone。Beside，middleagehadcometopreside，incongruous，athercapers。Thesensationalpapershadcutherspacefromapagetotwocolumns。Herwitdevelopedasting；hermannersbecamemoreroughandinconsiderate，asifshefelttheroyalnecessityofestablishingherautocracybyscorningtheconventionalitiesthatboundlesserpotentates。 TosomepressureatthecommandoftheKinsolvings，shehadyieldedsofarastohonourtheirhousebyherpresence，foraneveningandnight。Shehadherrevengeuponherhostessbyrelating，withgrimenjoymentandsarcastichumour，herstoryofthevisioncarryingthehod。Tothatlady，inrapturesathavingpenetratedthusfartowardthecovetedinnercircle，theresultcameasacrushingdisappointment。Everybodyeithersympathizedorlaughed，andtherewaslittletochoosebetweenthetwomodesofexpression。 But，lateron，Mrs。Kinsolving’shopesandspiritswererevivedbythecaptureofasecondandgreaterprize。 Mrs。BellamyBellmorehadacceptedaninvitationtovisitatClifftop，andwouldremainforthreedays。Mrs。Bellmorewasoneoftheyoungermatrons，whosebeauty，descent，andwealthgaveherareservedseatintheholyofholiesthatrequirednostrenuousbolstering。ShewasgenerousenoughthustogiveMrs。Kinsolvingtheaccoladethatwassopoignantlydesired；and，atthesametime，shethoughthowmuchitwouldpleaseTerence。Perhapsitwouldendbysolvinghim。 TerencewasMrs。Kinsolving’sson，agedtwenty-nine，quitegood-lookingenough，andwithtwoorthreeattractiveandmysterioustraits。Forone，hewasverydevotedtohismother，andthatwassufficientlyoddtodeservenotice。Forothers，hetalkedsolittlethatitwasirritating，andheseemedeitherveryshyorverydeep。TerenceinterestedMrs。 Bellmore，becauseshewasnotsurewhichitwas。Sheintendedtostudyhimalittlelonger，unlesssheforgotthematter。Ifhewasonlyshy，shewouldabandonhim，forshynessisabore。Ifhewasdeep，shewouldalsoabandonhim，fordepthisprecarious。 Ontheafternoonofthethirddayofhervisit，TerencehuntedupMrs。 Bellmore，andfoundherinanookactuallylookingatanalbum。 \"It’ssogoodofyou，\"saidhe，\"tocomedownhereandretrievethedayforus。IsupposeyouhaveheardthatMrs。Fischer-Suympkinsscuttledtheshipbeforesheleft。Sheknockedawholeplankoutofthebottomwithahod。Mymotherisgrievingherselfillaboutit。Can’tyoumanagetoseeaghostforuswhileyouarehere，Mrs。Bellmore——abang-up，swellghost，withacoronetonhisheadandachequebookunderhisarm？\" \"Thatwasanaughtyoldlady，Terence，\"saidMrs。Bellmore，\"totellsuchstories。Perhapsyougavehertoomuchsupper。Yourmotherdoesn’treallytakeitseriously，doesshe？\" \"Ithinkshedoes，\"answeredTerence。\"Onewouldthinkeverybrickinthehodhaddroppedonher。It’sagoodmammy，andIdon’tliketoseeherworried。It’stobehopedthattheghostbelongstothehod-carriers’ union，andwillgooutonastrike。Ifhedoesn’t，therewillbenopeaceinthisfamily。\" \"I’msleepingintheghost-chamber，\"saidMrs。Bellmore，pensively。\"Butit’ssoniceIwouldn’tchangeit，evenifIwereafraid，whichI’mnot。 Itwouldn’tdoformetosubmitacounterstoryofadesirable，aristocraticshade，wouldit？Iwoulddoso，withpleasure，butitseemstomeitwouldbetooobviouslyanantidotefortheothernarrativetobeeffective。\" \"True，\"saidTerence，runningtwofingersthoughtfullyintohiscrisp，brownhair；\"thatwouldneverdo。Howwoulditworktoseethesameghostagain，minustheoveralls，andhavegoldbricksinthehod？Thatwouldelevatethespectrefromdegradingtoiltoafinancialplane。Don’tyouthinkthatwouldberespectableenough？\" \"TherewasanancestorwhofoughtagainsttheBritishers，wasn’tthere？ Yourmothersaidsomethingtothateffect。\" \"Ibelieveso；oneofthoseoldchapsinraglanvestsandgolftrousers。 Idon’tcareacontinentalforaContinental，myself。Butthemotherhassetherheartonpompandheraldryandpyrotechnics，andIwanthertobehappy。\" \"Youareagoodboy，Terence，\"saidMrs。Bellmore，sweepinghersilksclosetoonesideofher，\"nottobeatyourmother。Sitherebyme，andlet’slookatthealbum，justaspeopleusedtodotwentyyearsago。Now，tellmeabouteveryoneofthem。Whoisthistall，dignifiedgentlemanleaningagainstthehorizon，withonearmontheCorinthiancolumn？\" \"Thatoldchapwiththebigfeet？\"inquiredTerence，craninghisneck。 \"That’sgreat-uncleO’Brannigan。HeusedtokeeparathskellerontheBowery。\" \"Iaskedyoutositdown，Terence。Ifyouarenotgoingtoamuse，orobey，me，IshallreportinthemorningthatIsawaghostwearinganapronandcarryingschoonersofbeer。Now，thatisbetter。Tobeshy，atyourage，Terence，isathingthatyoushouldblushtoacknowledge。\" Atbreakfastonthelastmorningofhervisit，Mrs。Bellmorestartledandentrancedeveryonepresentbyannouncingpositivelythatshehadseentheghost。 \"Didithavea——a——a——？\"Mrs。Kinsolving，inhersuspenseandagitation，couldnotbringouttheword。 \"No，indeed——farfromit。\" Therewasachorusofquestionsfromothersatthetable。\"Weren’tyoufrightened？\"\"Whatdiditdo？\"\"Howdiditlook？\"\"Howwasitdressed？\" \"Diditsayanything？\"\"Didn’tyouscream？\" \"I’lltrytoanswereverythingatonce，\"saidMrs。Bellmore，heroically，\"althoughI’mfrightfullyhungry。Somethingawakenedme——I’mnotsurewhetheritwasanoiseoratouch——andtherestoodthephantom。Ineverburnalightatnight，sotheroomwasquitedark，butIsawitplainly。 Iwasn’tdreaming。Itwasatallman，allmistywhitefromheadtofoot。 ItworethefulldressoftheoldColonialdays——powderedhair，baggycoatskirts，laceruffles，andasword。Itlookedintangibleandluminousinthedark，andmovedwithoutasound。Yes，Iwasalittlefrightenedatfirst——orstartled，Ishouldsay。ItwasthefirstghostIhadeverseen。No，itdidn’tsayanything。Ididn’tscream。Iraiseduponmyelbow，andthenitglidedsilentlyaway，anddisappearedwhenitreachedthedoor。\" Mrs。Kinsolvingwasintheseventhheaven。\"ThedescriptionisthatofCaptainKinsolving，ofGeneralGreene’sarmy，oneofourancestors，\"shesaid，inavoicethattrembledwithprideandrelief。\"IreallythinkI mustapologizeforourghostlyrelative，Mrs。Bellmore。Iamafraidhemusthavebadlydisturbedyourrest。\" Terencesentasmileofpleasedcongratulationtowardhismother。 AttainmentwasMrs。Kinsolving’s，atlast，andhelovedtoseeherhappy。 \"IsupposeIoughttobeashamedtoconfess，\"saidMrs。Bellmore，whowasnowenjoyingherbreakfast，\"thatIwasn’tverymuchdisturbed。Ipresumeitwouldhavebeenthecustomarythingtoscreamandfaint，andhaveallofyourunningaboutinpicturesquecostumes。But，afterthefirstalarmwasover，Ireallycouldn’tworkmyselfuptoapanic。Theghostretiredfromthestagequietlyandpeacefully，afterdoingitslittleturn，andI wenttosleepagain。\" Nearlyalllistened，politelyacceptedMrs。Bellmoresstoryasamade-upaffair，charitablyofferedasanoffsettotheunkindvisionseenbyMrs。 Fischer-Suympkins。Butoneortwopresentperceivedthatherassertionsborethegenuinestampofherownconvictions。Truthandcandourseemedtoattenduponeveryword。Evenascofferatghosts——ifhewereveryobservant——wouldhavebeenforcedtoadmitthatshehad，atleastinaveryvividdream，beenhonestlyawareoftheweirdvisitor。’ SoonMrs。Bellmore’smaidwaspacking。Intwohourstheautowouldcometoconveyhertothestation。AsTerencewasstrollingupontheeastpiazza，Mrs。Bellmorecameuptohim，withaconfidentialsparkleinhereye。