第8章

ButI’musedtogoinghungrywhenIhaveto。Now，’sayshe，’I’mgoingoutandgetahackandridedowntotheaddressonthisScuddercard。Youstayhereandtrytohustlesomegrub。ButIdoubtifyou’llfindit。I wishwe’dbroughtalongsomecornmealandbaconandbeans。I’llbebackwhenIseethisScudder，ifthetrailain’twipedout。’ \"SoIstartsforagingforbreakfast。ForthehonourofoldMojadaCountyIdidn’twanttoseemgreentothemabolitionists，soeverytimeIturnedacornerinthemmarblehallsIwentuptothefirstdeskorcounterIseeandlooksaroundforgrub。IfIdidn’tseewhatIwantedIaskedforsomethingelse。InabouthalfanhourIhadadozencigars，fivestorymagazines，andsevenoreightrailroadtime-tablesinmypockets，andneverasmellofcoffeeorbacontopointoutthetrail。 \"OncealadysittingatatableandplayingagamekindoflikepushpintoldmetogointoaclosetthatshecalledNumber3。Iwentinandshutthedoor，andtheblamedthinglititselfup。Isetdownonastoolbeforeashelfandwaited。ThinksI，’Thisisaprivatedining-room。’Butnowaiternevercame。WhenIgottosweatinggoodandhard，Igoesoutagain。 \"’Didyougetwhatyouwanted？’saysshe。 \"’No，ma’am，’saysI。’Notabite。’ \"’Thenthere’snocharge，’saysshe。 \"’Thanky，ma’am，’saysI，andItakesupthetrailagain。 \"ByandbyIthinksI’llshedetiquette；andIpicksuponeofthemboyswithblueclothesandyellowbuttonsinfront，andheleadsmetowhathecallsthecaffaybreakfastroom。AndthefirstthingIlaysmyeyesonwhenIgoinisthatboythathadshotPedroJohnson。Hewassettingallaloneatalittletable，hittingaeggwithaspoonlikehewasafraidhe’dbreakit。 \"Itakesthechairacrossthetablefromhim；andhelooksinsultedandmakesamovelikehewasgoingtogetup。 \"’Keepstill，son，’saysI。’You’reapprehended，arrested，andinchargeoftheTexasauthorities。Goonandhammerthateggsomemoreifit’stheinsideofityouwant。Now，whatdidyoushootMr。Johnson，ofBildad，for？’ \"AndmayIaskwhoyouare？’sayshe。 \"’Youmay，’saysI。’Goahead。’ \"’Isupposeyou’reon，’saysthiskid，withoutbattinghiseyes。’Butwhatareyoueating？Here，waiter！’hecallsout，raisinghisfinger。 ’Takethisgentleman’sorder。 \"’Abeefsteak，’saysI，’andsomefriedeggsandacanofpeachesandaquartofcoffeewillaboutsuffice。’ \"Wetalkawhileaboutthesundriesoflifeandthenhesays： \"’Whatareyougoingtodoaboutthatshooting？Ihadarighttoshootthatman，’sayshe。’HecalledmenamesthatIcouldn’toverlook，andthenhestruckme。Hecarriedagun，too。WhatelsecouldIdo？’ \"’We’llhavetotakeyoubacktoTexas，’saysI。 \"’I’dliketogoback，’saystheboy，withakindofagrin——’ifitwasn’tonanoccasionofthiskind。It’sthelifeIlike。I’vealwayswantedtorideandshootandliveintheopenaireversinceIcanremember。’ \"’Whowasthisgangofstoutpartiesyoutookthistripwith？’Iasks。 \"’Mystepfather，’sayshe，’andsomebusinesspartnersofhisinsomeMexicanminingandlandschemes。’ \"’IsawyoushootPedroJohnson，’saysI，’andItookthatlittlepopgunawayfromyouthatyoudiditwith。AndwhenIdidsoInoticedthreeorfourlittlescarsinarowoveryourrighteyebrow。You’vebeeninrookusbefore，haven’tyou？’ \"’I’vehadthesescarseversinceIcanremember，’sayshe。’Idon’tknowhowtheycamethere。’ \"’WasyoueverinTexasbefore？’saysI。 \"’NotthatIrememberof，’sayshe。’ButIthoughtIhadwhenwestrucktheprairiecountry。ButIguessIhadn’t。’ \"’Haveyougotamother？’Iasks。 \"’Shediedfiveyearsago，’sayshe。 \"Skippingoverthemostofwhatfollowed——whenLukecamebackIturnedthekidovertohim。HehadseenScudderandtoldhimwhathewanted；anditseemsthatScuddergotactivewithoneofthesetelephonesassoonasheleft。Forinaboutanhourafterwardtherecomestoourhotelsomeofthesecityrangersineverydayclothesthattheycalldetectives，andmarchesthewholeoutfitofustowhattheycallamagistrate’scourt。 TheyaccuseLukeofat-temptedkidnapping，andaskhimwhathehastosay。 \"’Thissnipe，’saysLuketothejudge，’shotandwilfullypuncturedwithmaliceandforethoughtoneofthemostrespectedandprominentcitizensofthetownofBildad，Texas，YourHonor。Andinsodoinglaidhimselfliabletothepenitenceoflawandorder。AndIherebymakeclaimanddemandrestitutionoftheStateofNewYorkCityforthesaidallegedcriminal；andIknowhedoneit。’ \"’Haveyoutheusualandnecessaryrequisitionpapersfromthegovernorofyourstate？’asksthejudge。 \"’Myusualpapers，’saysLuke，’wastakenawayfrommeatthehotelbythesegentlemenwhorepresentlawandorderinyourcity。TheywastwoColt’s。45’sthatI’vepackedfornineyears；andifIdon’tget’emback，there’llbemoretrouble。YoucanaskanybodyinMojadaCountyaboutLukeSummers。Idon’tusuallyneedanyotherkindofpapersforwhatIdo。’ \"Iseethejudgelooksmad，soIstepsupandsays： \"’YourHonor，theaforesaiddefendant，Mr。LukeSummers，sheriffofMojadaCounty，Texas，isasfineamanaseverthrewaropeorupheldthestatutesandcodicilsofthegreateststateintheUnion。Buthe——’ \"ThejudgehitshistablewithawoodenhammerandaskswhoIam。 \"BudOakley，’saysI。’Officedeputyofthesheriff’sofficeofMojadaCounty，Texas。Representing，’saysI，’theLaw。LukeSummers，’Igoeson，’representsOrder。AndifYourHonorwillgivemeabouttenminutesinprivatetalk，I’llexplainthewholethingtoyou，andshowyoutheequitableandlegalrequisitionpaperswhichIcarryinmypocket。’ \"Thejudgekindofhalfsmilesandsayshewilltalkwithmeinhisprivateroom。InthereIputthewholethinguptohiminsuchlanguageasIhad，andwhenwegoesoutside，heannouncestheverdictthattheyoungmanisdeliveredintothehandsoftheTexasauthorities；andcallsthenextcase。 \"Skippingovermuchofwhathappenedonthewayback，I’lltellyouhowthethingwoundupinBildad。 \"Whenwegottheprisonerinthesheriff’soffice，IsaystoLuke： \"’You，rememberthatkidofyours——thattwo-yearoldthattheystoleawayfromyouwhenthebust-upcome？’ \"Lukelooksblackandangry。He’dneverletanybodytalktohimaboutthatbusiness，andhenevermentionedithimself。 \"’Toethemark，’saysI。’DoyourememberwhenhewastoddlingaroundontheporchandfelldownonapairofMexicanspursandcutfourlittleholesoverhisrighteye？Lookattheprisoner，’saysI，’lookathisnoseandtheshapeofhisheadand——why，youoldfool，don’tyouknowyourownson？——Iknewhim，’saysI，’whenheperforatedMr。Johnsonatthedepot。’ \"Lukecomesovertomeshakingallover。Ineversawhimlosehisnervebefore。 \"’Bud，’sayshe。’I’veneverhadthatboyoutofmymindonedayoronenightsincehewastookaway。ButIneverleton。Butcanweholdhim？ ——Canwemakehimstay？——I’llmakethebestmanofhimthateverputhisfootinastirrup。Waitaminute，’sayshe，allexcitedandoutofhismind——’I’vegotsome-thinghereinmydesk——Ireckonit’llholdlegalyet——I’velookedatitathousandtimes——\"Cus-to-dyofthechild，\"saysLuke——\"Cus-to-dyofthechild。\"Wecanholdhimonthat，can’twe？Le’meseeifIcanfindthatdecree。’ \"Lukebeginstotearhisdesktopieces。 \"’Holdon，’saysI。’YouareOrderandI’mLaw。Youneedn’tlookforthatpaper，Luke。Itain’tadecreeanymore。It’srequisitionpapers。 It’sonfileinthatMagistrate’sofficeinNewYork。Itookitalongwhenwewent，becauseIwasofficedeputyandknewthelaw。’ \"’I’vegothimback，’saysLuke。’He’smineagain。Ineverthought——’ \"’Waitaminute，’saysI。’We’vegottohavelawandorder。Youandmehavegottopreserve’embothinMojadaCountyaccordingtoouroathandconscience。ThekidshotPedroJohnson，oneofBildad’smostprominentand——’ \"’Oh，hell！’saysLuke。’Thatdon’tamounttoanything。ThatfellowwashalfMexican，anyhow。’\" XXIITRANSFORMATIONOFMARTINBURNEY InbehalfofSirWalter’ssoothingplantletuslookintothecaseofMartinBurney。 TheywereconstructingtheSpeedwayalongthewestbankoftheHarlemRiver。Thegrub-boatofDennisCorrigan，sub-contractor，wasmooredtoatreeonthebank。Twenty-twomenbelongingtothelittlegreenislandtoiledthereatthesinew-crackinglabour。Oneamongthem，whowroughtinthekitchenofthegrub-boatwasoftheraceoftheGoths。OverthemallstoodtheexorbitantCorrigan，harryingthemlikethecaptainofagalleycrew。Hepaidthemsolittlethatmostofthegang，workastheymight，earnedlittlemorethanfoodandtobacco；manyofthemwereindebttohim。Corriganboardedthemallinthegrub-boat，andgavethemgoodgrub，forhegotitbackinwork。 MartinBurneywasfurthestbehindofall。Hewasalittleman，allmusclesandhandsandfeet，withagray-red，stubblybeard。Hewastoolightforthework，whichwouldhavegluttedthecapacityofasteamshovel。 Theworkwashard。Besidesthat，thebanksoftheriverwerehummingwithmosquitoes。Asachildinadarkroomfixeshisregardonthepalelightofacomfortingwindow，thesetoilerswatchedthesunthatbroughtaroundtheonehourofthedaythattastedlessbitter。Afterthesundownsuppertheywouldhuddletogetherontheriverbank，andsendthemosquitoeswhiningandeddyingbackfromthemalignantpuffsoftwenty-threereekingpipes。Thussociallybandedagainstthefoe，theywrenchedoutofthehourafewwell-smokeddropsfromthecupofjoy。 EachweekBurneygrewdeeperindebt。Corrigankeptasmallstockofgoodsontheboat，whichhesoldtothemenatpricesthatbroughthimnoloss。Burneywasagoodcustomeratthetobaccocounter。Onesackwhenhewenttoworkinthemorningandonewhenhecameinatnight，somuchwashisaccountswelleddaily。Burneywassomethingofasmoker。Yetitwasnottruethatheatehismealswithapipeinhismouth，whichhadbeensaidofhim。Thelittlemanwasnotdiscontented。Hehadplentytoeat，plentyoftobacco，andatyranttocurse；sowhyshouldnothe，anIrishman，bewellsatisfied？ Onemorningashewasstartingwiththeothersforworkhestoppedatthepinecounterforhisusualsackoftobacco。 \"There’snomoreforye，\"saidCorrigan。\"Youraccount’sclosed。Yearealosinginvestment。No，noteventobaccy，myson。Nomoretobaccyonaccount。Ifyewanttoworkonandeat，doso，butthesmokeofyehasallascended。’Tismyadvicethatyehuntanewjob。\" \"Ihavenotobaccytosmokeinmypipethisday，Mr。Corrigan，\"saidBurney，notquiteunderstandingthatsuchathingcouldhappentohim。 \"Earnit，\"saidCorrigan，\"andthenbuyit。\" Burneystayedon。Heknewofnootherjob。Atfirsthedidnotrealizethattobaccohadgottobehisfatherandmother，hisconfessorandsweetheart，andwifeandchild。 Forthreedayshemanagedtofillhispipefromtheothermen’ssacks，andthentheyshuthimoff，oneandall。Theytoldhim，roughbutfriendly，thatofallthingsintheworldtobaccomustbequickestforthcomingtoafellow-mandesiringit，butthatbeyondtheimmediatetemporaryneedrequisitionuponthestoreofacomradeispressedwithgreatdangertofriendship。 ThentheblacknessofthepitaroseandfilledtheheartofBurney。 Suckingthecorpseofhisdeceaseddudheen，hestaggeredthroughhisdutieswithhisbarrowfulofstonesanddirt，feelingforthefirsttimethatthecurseofAdamwasuponhim。Othermenbereftofapleasuremighthaverecoursetootherdelights，butBurneyhadonlytwocomfortsinlife。Onewashispipe，theotherwasanecstatichopethattherewouldbenoSpeedwaystobuildontheothersideofJordan。 Atmealtimeshewouldlettheothermengofirstintothegrub-boat，andthenhewouldgodownonhishandsandknees，grovellingfiercelyuponthegroundwheretheyhadbeensitting，tryingtofindsomestraycrumbsoftobacco。Oncehesneakeddowntheriverbankandfilledhispipewithdeadwillowleaves。AtthefirstwhiffofthesmokehespatinthedirectionoftheboatandputthefinestcurseheknewonCorrigan——onethatbeganwiththefirstCorrigansbornonearthandendedwiththeCorrigansthatshallhearthetrumpetofGabrielblow。HebegantohateCorriganwithallhisshakingnervesandsoul。Evenmurderoccurredtohiminavaguesortofway。Fivedayshewentwithoutthetasteoftobacco——hewhohadsmokedalldayandthoughtthenightmisspentinwhichhehadnotawakenedforapipefulortwounderthebedclothes。 OnedayamanstoppedattheboattosaythattherewasworktobehadintheBronxPark，wherealargenumberoflabourerswererequiredinmakingsomeimprovements。 AfterdinnerBurneywalkedthirtyyardsdowntheriverbankawayfromthemaddeningsmelloftheothers’pipes。Hesatdownuponastone。HewasthinkinghewouldsetoutfortheBronx。Atleasthecouldearntobaccothere。WhatifthebooksdidsayheowedCorrigan？Anyman’sworkwasworthhiskeep。Butthenhehatedtogowithoutgettingevenwiththehard-heartedscrewwhohadputhispipeout。Wasthereanywaytodoit？ SoftlysteppingamongtheclodscameTony，heoftheraceofGoths，whoworkedinthekitchen。HegrinnedatBurney’selbow，andthatunhappyman，fullofraceanimosityandholdingurbanityincontempt，growledathim：\"Whatd’yewant，ye——Dago？\" Tonyalsocontainedagrievance——andaplot。He，too，wasaCorriganhater，andhadbeenprimedtoseeitinothers。 \"Howyoulike-aMr。Corrigan？\"heasked。\"Youthink-ahimanice-aman？\" \"Tohellwith’m，\"hesaid。\"Mayhisliverturntowater，andthebonesofhimcrackinthecoldofhisheart。Maydogfennelgrowuponhisancestors’graves，andthegrandsonsofhischildrenbebornwithouteyes。Maywhiskeyturntoclabberinhismouth，andeverytimehesneezesmayheblisterthesolesofhisfeet。Andthesmokeofhispipe——mayitmakehiseyeswater，andthedropsfallonthegrassthathiscowseatandpoisonthebutterthathespreadsonhisbread。\" ThoughTonyremainedastrangertothebeautiesofthisimagery，hegatheredfromittheconvictionthatitwassufficientlyanti-Corriganinitstendency。So，withtheconfidenceofafellow-conspirator，hesatbyBurneyuponthestoneandunfoldedhisplot。 Itwasverysimpleindesign。EverydayafterdinneritwasCorrigan’shabittosleepforanhourinhisbunk。Atsuchtimesitwasthedutyofthecookandhishelper，Tony，toleavetheboatsothatnonoisemightdisturbtheautocrat。Thecookalwaysspentthishourinwalkingexercise。Tony’splanwasthis：AfterCorriganshouldbeasleephe（Tony） andBurneywouldcutthemooringropesthatheldtheboattotheshore。 Tonylackedthenervetodothedeedalone。Thentheawkwardboatwouldswingoutintoaswiftcurrentandsurelyoverturnagainstarocktherewasbelow。 \"Comeonanddoit，\"saidBurney。\"Ifthebackofyeachesfromthelickhegaveyeasthepitofmestomachdoesforthetasteofabitofsmoke，wecan’tcuttheropestooquick。\" \"Alla-right，\"saidTony。\"Butbetterwait’bout-atenminutemore。 Give-aCorriganplentytimegetgood-asleep。\" Theywaited，sittinguponthestone。Therestofthemenwereatworkoutofsightaroundabendintheroad。Everythingwouldhavegonewell—— except，perhaps，withCorrigan，hadnotTonybeenmovedtodecoratetheplotwithitsconventionalaccompaniment。Hewasofdramaticblood，andperhapsheintuitivelydivinedtheappendagetovillainousmachinationsasprescribedbythestage。Hepulledfromhisshirtbosomalong，black，beautiful，venomouscigar，andhandedittoBurney。 \"Youlike-asmokewhilewewait？\"heasked。 Burneyclutcheditandsnappedofftheendasaterrierbitesatarat。 Helaidittohislipslikealong-lostsweetheart。Whenthesmokebegantodrawhegavealong，deepsigh，andthebristlesofhisgray-redmoustachecurleddownoverthecigarlikethetalonsofaneagle。Slowlytheredfadedfromthewhitesofhiseyes。Hefixedhisgazedreamilyuponthehillsacrosstheriver。Theminutescameandwent。 \"’Bouttimetogonow，\"saidTony。\"Thatdamn-aCorriganhebeinthereeververyquick。\" Burneystartedoutofhistrancewithagrunt。Heturnedhisheadandgazedwithasurprisedandpainedseverityathisaccomplice。Hetookthecigarpartlyfromhismouth，butsuckeditbackagainimmediately，cheweditlovinglyonceortwice，andspoke，invirulentpuffs，fromthecornerofhismouth： \"Whatisit，yeyallerhaythen？Wouldyelaycontrivancesagainsttheenlightenedracesoftheearth，yeinstigatorofillegalcrimes？WouldyeseektopersuadeMartinBurneyintothedirtytricksofanindecentDago？ Wouldyebeformurderin’yourbenefactor，thegoodmanthatgivesyefoodandwork？Takethat，yepunkin-colouredassassin！\" ThetorrentofBurney’sindignationcarriedwithitbodilyassault。Thetoeofhisshoesentthewould-becutterofropestumblingfromhisseat。 Tonyaroseandfled。Hisvendettaheagainrelegatedtothefilesofthingsthatmighthavebeen。Beyondtheboathefledandaway-away；hewasafraidtoremain。 Burney，withexpandedchest，watchedhislatecoplotterdisappear。Thenhe，too，departed，settinghisfaceinthedirectionoftheBronx。 Inhiswakewasarankandpernicioustrailofnoisomesmokethatbroughtpeacetohisheartanddrovethebirdsfromtheroadsideintothedeepestthickets。 XXIIITHECALIPHANDTHECAD Surelythereisnopastimemoredivertingthanthatofmingling，incognito，withpersonsofwealthandstation。Whereelsebutinthosecirclescanoneseelifeinitsprimitive，crudestateunhamperedbytheconventionsthatbindthedwellersinalowersphere？ TherewasacertainCaliphofBagdadwhowasaccustomedtogodownamongthepoorandlowlyforthesolaceobtainedfromtherelationoftheirtalesandhistories。Isitnotstrangethatthehumbleandpoverty-strickenhavenotavailedthemselvesofthepleasuretheymightgleanbydonningdiamondsandsilksandplayingCaliphamongthehauntsoftheupperworld？ TherewasonewhosawthepossibilitiesofthusturningthetablesonHarounalRaschid。HisnamewasCornyBrannigan，andhewasatruckdriverforaCanalStreetimportingfirm。AndifyoureadfurtheryouwilllearnhowheturnedupperBroadwayintoBagdadandlearnedsomethingabouthimselfthathedidnotknowbefore。 ManypeoplewouldhavecalledCornyasnob——preferablybymeansofatelephone。Hischiefinterestinlife，hischosenamusement，andhissolediversionafterworkinghours，wastoplacehimselfinjuxtaposition—— sincehecouldnothopetomingle——withpeopleoffashionandmeans。 EveryeveningafterCornyhadputuphisteamanddinedatalunch-counterthatmadeimmediatenessaspecialty，hewouldclothehimselfineveningraimentascorrectasanyyouwillseeinthepalmrooms。Thenhewouldbetakehimselftothatravishing，radiantroadwaydevotedtoThespis，Thais，andBacchus。 Foratimehewouldstrollaboutthelobbiesofthebesthotels，hissoulsteepedinblissfulcontent。Beautifulwomen，cooinglikedoves，butfeatheredlikebirdsofParadise，flickedhimwiththeirrobesastheypassed。Courtlygentlemenattendedthem，gallantandassiduous。AndCorny’sheartwithinhimswelledlikeSirLancelot’s，forthemirrorspoketohimashepassedandsaid：\"Corny，lad，there’snotaguyamong’emthatlooksabittheswellerthanyerself。Andyoudrivin’ofatruckandthemswearin’offtheirtaxesandplayin’theredinartgallerieswiththebestintheland！\" Andthemirrorsspakethetruth。Mr。CornyBranniganhadacquiredtheoutwardpolish，ifnothingmore。Longandkeenobservationofpolitesocietyhadgainedforhimitsmanner，itsgenteelair，and——mostdifficultofacquirement——itsreposeandease。 NowandtheninthehotelsCornyhadmanagedconversationandtemporaryacquaintancewithsubstantial，ifnotdistinguished，guests。Withmanyofthesehehadexchangedcards，andtheoneshereceivedhecarefullytreasuredforhisownuselater。Leavingthehotellobbies，Cornywouldstrollleisurelyabout，lingeringatthetheatreentrance，droppingintothefashionablerestaurantsasifseekingsomefriend。Herarelypatronizedanyoftheseplaces；hewasnobeecometosuckhoney，butabutterflyflashinghiswingsamongtheflowerswhosecalycesheldnosweetsforhim。Hiswageswerenotlargeenoughtofurnishhimwithmorethantheoutsidegarbofthegentleman。Tohavebeenoneofthebeingshesocunninglyimitated，CornyBranniganwouldhavegivenhisrighthand。 OnenightCornyhadanadventure。Afterabsorbingthedelightsofanhour’sloungingintheprincipalhotelsalongBroadway，hepassedupintothestrongholdofThespis。Cabdrivershailedhimasalikelyfare，tohispridefulcontent。Languishingeyeswereturneduponhimasahopefulsourceoflobstersandthedelectable，ascendantglobulesofeffervescence。TheseoverturesandunconsciouscomplimentsCornyswallowedasmanna，andhopedBill，theoffhorse，wouldbelesslameintheleftforefootinthemorning。 BeneathaclusterofmilkyglobesofelectriclightCornypausedtoadmirethesheenofhislow-cutpatentleathershoes。Thebuildingoccupyingtheanglewasapretentious_cafe_。Outofthiscameacouple，aladyinawhite，cobwebbyeveninggown，withalacewraplikeawreathofmistthrownoverit，andaman，tall，faultless，assured——tooassured。Theymovedtotheedgeofthesidewalkandhalted。Corny’seye，everalertfor\"pointers\"in\"swell\"behaviour，tooktheminwithasidelongglance。 \"Thecarriageisnothere，\"saidthelady。\"Youorderedittowait？\" \"Iordereditfornine-thirty，\"saidtheman。\"Itshouldbeherenow。\" Afamiliarnoteinthelady’svoicedrewamoreespecialattentionfromCorny。Itwaspitchedinakeywellknowntohim。Thesoftelectricshoneuponherface。Sistersofsorrowhavenoquartersfixedforthem。 IntheindextothebookofbreakingheartsyouwillfindthatBroadwayfollowsverysoonaftertheBowery。Thislady’sfacewassad，andhervoicewasattunedwithit。Theywaited，asifforthecarriage。Cornywaitedtoo，foritwasoutofdoors，andhewasnevertiredofaccumulatingandprofitingbyknowledgeofgentlemanlyconduct。 \"Jack，\"saidthelady，\"don’tbeangry。I’vedoneeverythingIcouldtopleaseyouthisevening。Whydoyouactso？\" \"Oh，you’reanangel，\"saidtheman。\"Dependuponwomantothrowtheblameuponaman。\" \"I’mnotblamingyou。I’monlytryingtomakeyouhappy。\" \"Yougoaboutitinaverypeculiarway。\" \"Youhavebeencrosswithmealltheeveningwithoutanycause。\" \"Oh，thereisn’tanycauseexcept——youmakemetired。\" Cornytookouthiscardcaseandlookedoverhiscollection。Heselectedonethatread：\"Mr。R。LionelWhyte-Melville，BloomsburySquare，London。\" ThiscardhehadinveigledfromatouristattheKingEdwardHotel。Cornysteppeduptothemanandpresenteditwithacorrectlyformalair。 \"MayIaskwhyIamselectedforthehonour？\"askedthelady’sescort。 Now，Mr。CornyBranniganhadaverywisehabitofsayinglittleduringhisimitationsoftheCaliphofBagdad。TheadviceofLordChesterfield： \"Wearablackcoatandholdyourtongue，\"hebelievedinwithouthavingheard。Butnowspeechwasdemandedandrequiredofhim。 \"Nogent，\"saidCorny，\"wouldtalktoaladylikeyoudone。Fieuponyou，Willie！Evenifshehappenstobeyourwifeyououghttohavemorerespectforyourclothesthantochinherbackthatway。Maybeitain’tmybutt-in，butitgoes，anyhow——youstrikemeasbein’awholelottothewrong。\" Thelady’sescortindulgedinmoreelegantlyexpressedbutfetchingrepartee。Corny，eschewinghistruckdriver’svocabulary，retortedasnearlyashecouldinpolitephrases。Thendiplomaticrelationsweresevered；therewasabriefbutlivelyset-towithotherthanoralweapons，fromwhichCornycamefortheasilyvictor。 Acarriagedashedup，drivenbyatardyandsolicitouscoachman。 \"Willyoukindlyopenthedoorforme？\"askedthelady。Cornyassistedhertoenter，andtookoffhishat。Theescortwasbeginningtoscrambleupfromthesidewalk。 \"Ibegyourpardon，ma’am，\"saidCorny，\"ifhe’syourman。\" \"He’snomanofmine，\"saidthelady。\"Perhapshe——butthere’snochanceofhisbeingnow。Drivehome，Michael。Ifyoucaretotakethis——withmythanks。\" ThreeredroseswerethrustoutthroughthecarriagewindowintoCorny’shand。Hetookthem，andthehandforaninstant；andthenthecarriagespedaway。 Cornygatheredhisfoe’shatandbegantobrushthedustfromhisclothes。 \"Comealong，\"saidCorny，takingtheothermanbythearm。 Hislateopponentwasyetalittledazedbythehardknockshehadreceived。Cornyledhimcarefullyintoasaloonthreedoorsaway。 \"Thedrinksforus，\"saidCorny\"meandmyfriend。\" \"You’reaqueerfeller，\"saidthelady’slateescort——\"lickamanandthenwanttoset’emup。 \"You’remybestfriend，\"saidCornyexultantly。\"Youdon’tunderstand？ Well，listen。Youjustputmewisetosomethin’。Ibeenplayin’gentalongtime，thinkin’itwasjustthegladragsIhadandnothin’else。Say——you’reaswell，ain’tyou？Well，youtrotinthatclass，Iguess。I don’t；butIfoundoutonething——I’magentleman，by——andIknowitnow。What’llyouhavetodrink？\" XXIVTHEDIAMONDOFKALI TheoriginalnewsitemconcerningthediamondofthegoddessKaliwashandedintothecityeditor。Hesmiledandhelditforamomentabovethewastebasket。Thenhelaiditbackonhisdeskandsaid：\"TrytheSundaypeople；theymightworksomethingoutofit。\" TheSundayeditorglancedtheitemoverandsaid：\"H’m！\"Afterwardhesentforareporterandexpandedhiscomment。 \"YoumightseeGeneralLudlow，\"hesaid，\"andmakeastoryoutofthisifyoucan。Diamondstoriesareadrug；butthisoneisbigenoughtobefoundbyascrubwomanwrappedupinapieceofnewspaperandtuckedunderthecornerofthehalllinoleum。FindoutfirstiftheGeneralhasadaughterwhointendstogoonthestage。Ifnot，youcangoaheadwiththestory。RuncutsoftheKohinoorandJ。P。Morgan’scollection，andworkinpicturesoftheKimberleyminesandBarneyBarnato。Fillinwithatabulatedcomparisonofthevaluesofdiamonds，radium，andvealcutletssincethemeatstrike；andletitruntoahalfpage。\" Onthefollowingdaythereporterturnedinhisstory。TheSundayeditorlethiseyesprintalongitslines。\"H’m！\"hesaidagain。Thistimethecopywentintothewaste-basketwithscarcelyaflutter。 Thereporterstiffenedalittlearoundthelips；buthewaswhistlingsoftlyandcontentedlybetweenhisteethwhenIwentovertotalkwithhimaboutitanhourlater。 \"Idon’tblamethe’oldman’，\"saidhe，magnanimously，\"forcuttingitout。Itdidsoundlikefunnybusiness；butithappenedexactlyasIwroteit。Say，whydon’tyoufishthatstoryoutofthew-b。anduseit？ Seemstomeit’sasgoodasthetommyrotyouwrite。\" Iacceptedthetip，andifyoureadfurtheryouwilllearnthefactsaboutthediamondofthegoddessKaliasvouchedforbyoneofthemostreliablereportersonthestaff。 Gen。MarcellusB。Ludlowlivesinoneofthosedecayingbutveneratedoldred-brickmansionsintheWestTwenties。TheGeneralisamemberofanoldNewYorkfamilythatdoesnotadvertise。Heisaglobe-trotterbybirth，agentlemanbypredilection，amillionairebythemercyofHeaven，andaconnoisseurofpreciousstonesbyoccupation。 ThereporterwasadmittedpromptlywhenhemadehimselfknownattheGeneral’sresidenceatabouteightthirtyontheeveningthathereceivedtheassignment。Inthemagnificentlibraryhewasgreetedbythedistinguishedtravellerandconnoisseur，atall，erectgentlemanintheearlyfifties，withanearlywhitemoustache，andabearingsosoldierlythatoneperceivedinhimscarcelyatraceoftheNationalGuardsman。Hisweather-beatencountenancelitupwithacharmingsmileofinterestwhenthereportermadeknownhiserrand。 \"Ah，youhaveheardofmylatestfind。IshallbegladtoshowyouwhatI conceivetobeoneofthesixmostvaluablebluediamondsinexistence。\" TheGeneralopenedasmallsafeinacornerofthelibraryandbroughtforthaplush-coveredbox。Openingthis，heexposedtothereporter’sbewilderedgazeahugeandbrilliantdiamond——nearlyaslargeasahailstone。 \"Thisstone，\"saidtheGeneral，\"issomethingmorethanamerejewel。Itonceformedthecentraleyeofthethree-eyedgoddessKali，whoisworshippedbyoneofthefiercestandmostfanaticaltribesofIndia。IfyouwillarrangeyourselfcomfortablyIwillgiveyouabriefhistoryofitforyourpaper。 GeneralLudlowbroughtadecanterofwhiskeyandglassesfromacabinet，andsetacomfortablearmchairfortheluckyscribe。 \"ThePhansigars，orThugs，ofIndia，\"begantheGeneral，\"arethemostdangerousanddreadedofthetribesofNorthIndia。Theyareextremistsinreligion，andworshipthehorridgoddessKaliintheformofimages。 Theirritesareinterestingandbloody。Therobbingandmurderingoftravellersaretaughtasaworthyandobligatorydeedbytheirstrangereligiouscode。Theirworshipofthethree-eyedgoddessKaliisconductedsosecretlythatnotravellerhaseverheretoforehadthehonourofwitnessingtheceremonies。Thatdistinctionwasreservedformyself。 \"WhileatSakaranpur，betweenDelhiandKhelat，IusedtoexplorethejungleineverydirectioninthehopeoflearningsomethingnewaboutthesemysteriousPhansigars。 \"OneeveningattwilightIwasmakingmywaythroughateakwoodforest，whenIcameuponadeepcirculardepressioninanopenspace，inthecentreofwhichwasarudestonetemple。IwassurethatthiswasoneofthetemplesoftheThugs，soIconcealedmyselfintheundergrowthtowatch。 \"Whenthemoonrosethedepressionintheclearingwassuddenlyfilledwithhundredsofshadowy，swiftlyglidingforms。Thenadooropenedinthetemple，exposingabrightlyilluminatedimageofthegoddessKali，beforewhichawhite-robedpriestbeganabarbarousincantation，whilethetribeofworshippersprostratedthemselvesupontheearth。 \"Butwhatinterestedmemostwasthecentraleyeofthehugewoodenidol。 Icouldseebyitsflashingbrilliancythatitwasanimmensediamondofthepurestwater。 \"AftertheriteswereconcludedtheThugsslippedawayintotheforestassilentlyastheyhadcome。Theprieststoodforafewminutesinthedoorofthetempleenjoyingthecoolofthenightbeforeclosinghisratherwarmquarters。Suddenlyadark，litheshadowslippeddownintothehollow，leapeduponthepriest；andstruckhimdownwithaglitteringknife。ThenthemurderersprangattheimageofthegoddesslikeacatandpriedouttheglowingcentraleyeofKaliwithhisweapon。Straighttowardmeheranwithhisroyalprize。WhenhewaswithintwopacesI rosetomyfeetandstruckhimwithallmyforcebetweentheeyes。Herolledoversenselessandthemagnificentjewelfellfromhishand。Thatisthesplendidbluediamondyouhavejustseen——astoneworthyofamonarch’scrown。\" \"That’sacorkingstory，\"saidthereporter。\"ThatdecanterisexactlyliketheonethatJohnW。Gatesalwayssetsoutduringaninterview。\" \"Pardonme，\"saidGeneralLudlow，\"forforgettinghospitalityintheexcitementofmynarrative。Helpyourself。\" \"Here’slookingatyou，\"saidthereporter。 \"WhatIamafraidofnow，\"saidtheGeneral，loweringhisvoice，\"isthatImayberobbedofthediamond。Thejewelthatformedaneyeoftheirgoddessistheirmostsacredsymbol。Somehowthetribesuspectedmeofhavingit；andmembersofthebandhavefollowedmehalfaroundtheearth。Theyarethemostcunningandcruelfanaticsintheworld，andtheirreligiousvowswouldcompelthemtoassassinatetheunbelieverwhohasdesecratedtheirsacredtreasure。 \"OnceinLucknowthreeoftheiragents，disguisedasservantsinahotel，endeavouredtostranglemewithatwistedcloth。Again，inLondon，twoThugs，madeupasstreetmusicians，climbedintomywindowatnightandattackedme。Theyhaveeventrackedmetothiscountry。Mylifeisneversafe。Amonthago，whileIwasatahotelintheBerkshires，threeofthemspranguponmefromtheroadsideweeds。Isavedmyselfthenbymyknowledgeoftheircustoms。\" \"Howwasthat，General？\"askedthereporter。 \"Therewasacowgrazingnearby，\"saidGeneralLudlow，\"agentleJerseycow。Irantohersideandstood。ThethreeThugsceasedtheirattack，kneltandstruckthegroundthricewiththeirforeheads。Then，aftermanyrespectfulsalaams，theydeparted。\" \"Afraidthecowwouldhook？\"askedthereporter。 \"No；thecowisasacredanimaltothePhansigars。Nexttotheirgoddesstheyworshipthecow。Theyhaveneverbeenknowntocommitanydeedofviolenceinthepresenceoftheanimaltheyreverence。\" \"It’samightyinterestingstory，\"saidthereporter。 \"Ifyoudon’tmindI’lltakeanotherdrink，andthenafewnotes。\" \"Iwilljoinyou，\"saidGeneralLudlow，withacourteouswaveofhishand。 \"IfIwereyou，\"advisedthereporter，\"I’dtakethatsparklertoTexas。 Getonacowranchthere，andthePharisees——\" \"Phansigars，\"correctedtheGeneral。 \"Oh，yes；thefancyguyswouldrunupagainstalonghorneverytimetheymadeabreak。\" GeneralLudlowclosedthediamondcaseandthrustitintohisbosom。 \"ThespiesofthetribehavefoundmeoutinNewYork，\"hesaid，straighteninghistallfigure。\"I’mfamiliarwiththeEastIndiancastofcountenance，andIknowthatmyeverymovementiswatched。Theywillundoubtedlyattempttorobandmurdermehere。\" \"Here？\"exclaimedthereporter，seizingthedecanterandpouringoutaliberalamountofitscontents。 \"Atanymoment，\"saidtheGeneral。\"ButasasoldierandaconnoisseurI shallsellmylifeandmydiamondasdearlyasIcan。\" Atthispointofthereporter’sstorythereisacertainvagueness，butitcanbegatheredthattherewasaloudcrashingnoiseattherearofthehousetheywerein。GeneralLudlowbuttonedhiscoatcloselyandsprangforthedoor。Butthereporterclutchedhimfirmlywithonehand，whileheheldthedecanterwiththeother。 \"Tellmebeforewefly，\"heurged，inavoicethickwithsomeinwardturmoil，\"doanyofyourdaughterscontemplategoingonthestage？\" \"Ihavenodaughters——flyforyourlife——thePhansigarsareuponus！\" criedtheGeneral。 Thetwomendashedoutofthefrontdoorofthehouse。 Thehourwaslate。Astheirfeetstrucktheside-walkstrangemenofdarkandforbiddingappearanceseemedtoriseupoutoftheearthandencompassthem。OnewithAsiaticfeaturespressedclosetotheGeneralanddronedinaterriblevoice： \"Buycastclo’！\" Another，dark-whiskeredandsinister，spedlithelytohissideandbeganinawhiningvoice： \"Say，mister，haveyergotadimeferapoorfellerwhat——\" Theyhurriedon，butonlyintothearmsofablack-eyed，dusky-browedbeing，whoheldouthishatundertheirnoses，whileaconfederateofOrientalhueturnedthehandleofastreetorgannearby。 TwentystepsfartheronGeneralLudlowandthereporterfoundthemselvesinthemidstofhalfadozenvillainous-lookingmenwithhigh-turnedcoatcollarsandfacesbristlingwithunshavenbeards。 \"Runforit！\"hissedtheGeneral。\"TheyhavediscoveredthepossessorofthediamondofthegoddessKali。\" Thetwomentooktotheirheels。Theavengersofthegoddesspursued。 \"Oh，Lordy！\"groanedthereporter，\"thereisn’tacowthissideofBrooklyn。We’relost！\" Whennearthecornertheybothfelloveranironobjectthatrosefromthesidewalkclosetothegutter。Clingingtoitdesperately，theyawaitedtheirfate。 \"IfIonlyhadacow！\"moanedthereporter——\"oranothernipfromthatdecanter，General！\" Assoonasthepursuersobservedwheretheirvictimshadfoundrefugetheysuddenlyfellbackandretreatedtoaconsiderabledistance。 \"Theyarewaitingforreinforcementsinordertoattackus，\"saidGeneralLudlow。 Butthereporteremittedaringinglaugh，andhurledhishattriumphantlyintotheair。 \"Guessagain，\"heshouted，andleanedheavilyupontheironobject。\"Youroldfancyguysorthugs，whateveryoucall’em，areuptodate。DearGeneral，thisisapumpwe’vestrandedupon——sameasacowinNewYork（hic！）see？Thas’hwhythe’nfuriatedsmokedguysdon’tattackus—— see？Sacredan’mal，thepumpinN’York，mydearGeneral！\" ButfurtherdownintheshadowsofTwenty-eighthStreetthemarauderswereholdingaparley。 \"Comeon，Reddy，\"saidone。\"Let’sgofrisktheold’un。He’sbeenshown’asparklerasbigasaheneggallaroundEighthAvenuefortwoweekspast。\" \"Notonyoursilhouette，\"decidedReddy。\"Yousee’emrallyin’roundThePump？They’refriendsofBill’s。Billwon’tstandfornothin’ofthiskindinhisdistrictsincehegotthatbidtoEsopus。\" ThisexhauststhefactsconcerningtheKalidiamond。Butitisdeemednotinconsequenttoclosewiththefollowingbrief（paid）itemthatappearedtwodayslaterinamorningpaper。 \"ItisrumoredthatanieceofGen。MarcellusB。Ludlow，ofNewYorkCity，willappearonthestagenextseason。 \"Herdiamondsaresaidtobeextremelyvaluableandofmuchhistoricinterest。\" XXVTHEDAYWECELEBRATE \"Inthetropics\"（\"Hop-along\"Bibb，thebirdfancier，wassayingtome） \"theseasons，months，fortnights，week-ends，holidays，dog-days，Sundays，andyesterdaysgetsojumbledtogetherintheshufflethatyouneverknowwhenayearhasgonebyuntilyou’reinthemiddleofthenextone。\" \"Hop-along\"BibbkepthisbirdstoreonlowerFourthAvenue。Hewasanex-seamanandbeachcomberwhomaderegularvoyagestosouthernportsandimportedpersonallyconductedinvoicesoftalkingparrotsanddialecticparoquets。Hehadastiffknee，neck，andnerve。Ihadgonetohimtobuyaparrottopresent，atChristmas，tomyAuntJoanna。 \"Thisone，\"saidI，disregardinghishomilyonthesubdivisionsoftime—— \"thisonethatseemsallred，white，andblue——towhatgenusofbeastsdoeshebelong？Heappealsatoncetomypatriotismandtomyloveofdiscordincolourschemes。\" \"That’sacockatoofromEcuador，\"saidBibb。\"Allhehasbeentaughttosayis\"MerryChristmas。\"Aseasonablebird。He’sonlysevendollars；andI’llbetmanyahumanhasstuckyouformoremoneybymakingthesamespeechtoyou。\" AndthenBibblaughedsuddenlyandloudly。 \"Thatbird，\"heexplained，\"remindsme。He’sgothisdatesmixed。Heoughttobesaying’_Epluribusunum_，’tomatchhisfeathers，insteadoftryingtoworktheSantaClausgraft。ItremindsmeofthetimemeandLiverpoolSamgotourideasofthingstangleduponthecoastofCostaRicaonaccountoftheweatherandotherphenomenatobemetwithinthetropics。 \"Wewere，asitwere，strandedonthatsectionoftheSpanishmainwithnomoneytospeakofandnofriendsthatshouldbetalkedabouteither。Wehadstokedandsecond-cookedourselvesdownthereonafruitsteamerfromNewOrleanstotryourluck，whichwasdischarged，afterwegotthere，forlackofevidence。Therewasnoworksuitabletoourinstincts；someandLiverpoolbegantosubsistontheredrumofthecountryandsuchfruitaswecouldreapwherewehadnotsown。Itwasanalluvialtown，calledSoledad，wheretherewasnoharbourorfutureorrecourse。Betweensteamersthetownsleptanddrankrum。Itonlywokeupwhentherewerebananastoship。Itwaslikeamansleepingthroughdinneruntilthedessert。 \"WhenmeandLiverpoolgotsolowdownthattheAmericanconsulwouldn’tspeaktousweknewwe’dstruckbedrock。 \"Weboardedwithasnuff-brownladynamedChica，whokeptarum-shopandaladies’andgents’restaurantinastreetcalledthe_calledelos_ Forty-sevenInconsolableSaints。Whenourcreditplayedoutthere，Liverpool，whosestomachovershadowedhissensationsof_noblesseoblige_，marriedChica。Thiskeptusinriceandfriedplantainforamonth；andthenChicapoundedLiverpoolonemorningsadlyandearnestlyforfifteenminuteswithacasserolehandeddownfromthestoneage，andweknewthatwehadout-welcomedourliver。ThatnightwesignedanengagementwithDonJaimeMcSpinosa，ahybridbananafancieroftheplace，toworkonhisfruitpreservesninemilesoutoftown。Wehadtodoitorbereducedtoseawaterandbrokendosesoffeedandslumber。 \"Now，speakingofLiverpoolSam，Idon’tmalignorinexculpatehimtoyouanymorethanIwouldtohisface。Butinmyopinion，whenanEnglishmangetsaslowashecanhe’sgottododgesothatthedregsofothernationsdon’tdropballastonhimoutoftheirballoons。Andifhe’saLiverpoolEnglishman，why，fire-dampiswhathe’sgottolookoutfor。BeinganaturalAmerican，that’smypersonalview。ButLiverpoolandmehadmuchincommon。Wewerewithoutdecorousclothesorwaysandmeansofexistence；and，asthesayinggoes，miserycertainlydoesenjoythesocietyofaccomplices。 \"OurjobonoldMcSpinosa’splantationwaschoppingdownbananastalksandloadingthebunchesoffruitonthebacksofhorses。Thenanativedressedupinanalligatorhidebelt，amachete，andapairofAAsheetingpajamas，drives’emovertothecoastandpiles’emuponthebeach。 \"Youeverbeeninabananagrove？It’sassolemnasarathskelleratsevenA。M。It’slikebeinglostbehindthescenesatoneofthesemushroommusicalshows。Youcan’tseetheskyforthefoliageaboveyou； andthegroundiskneedeepinrottenleaves；andit’ssostillthatyoucanhearthestalksgrowingagainafteryouchop’emdown。 \"AtnightmeandLiverpoolherdedinalotofgrasshutsontheedgeofalagoonwiththered，yellow，andblackemployesofDonJaime。Therewelayfightingmosquitoesandlisteningtothemonkeyssquallingandthealligatorsgruntingandsplashinginthelagoonuntildaylightwithonlysnatchesofsleepbetweentimes。 \"Wesoonlostallideaofwhattimeoftheyearitwas。It’sjustabouteightydegreesthereinDecemberandJuneandonFridaysandatmidnightandelectiondayandanyotheroldtime。Sometimesitrainsmorethanatothers，andthat’sallthedifferenceyounotice。Amanisliabletolivealongtherewithoutnoticinganyfugitingoftempusuntilsomedaytheundertakercallsinforhimjustwhenhe’sbeginningtothinkaboutcuttingoutthegangandsavingupalittletoinvestinrealestate。 \"Idon’tknowhowlongweworkedforDonJaime；butitwasthroughtwoortheerainyspells，eightortenhaircuts，andthelifeoftheepairsofsail-clothtrousers。Allthemoneyweearnedwentforrumandtobacco； butweate，andthatwassomething。 \"AllofasuddenonedaymeandLiverpoolfindthetradeofcommittingsurgicaloperationsonbananastalksturningtoaloesandquinineinourmouths。It’saseizurethatoftencomesuponwhitemeninLatinandgeographicalcountries。Wewantedtobeaddressedagaininlanguageandseethesmokeofasteamerandreadtherealestatetransfersandgents’ outfittingadsinanoldnewspaper。EvenSoledadseemedlikeacentreofcivilizationtous，sothateveningweputourthumbsonournoseatDonJaime’sfruitstandandshookhisgrassburrsoffourfeet。 \"ItwasonlytwelvemilestoSoledad，butittookmeandLiverpooltwodaystogetthere。Itwasbananagrovenearlyalltheway；andwegottwistedtimeandagain。ItwaslikepagingthepalmroomofaNewYorkhotelforamannamedSmith。 \"WhenwesawthehousesofSoledadbetweenthetreesallmydisinclinationtowardthisLiverpoolSamroseupinme。Istoodhimwhileweweretwowhitemenagainstthebananabrindles；butnow，whentherewereprospectsofmyexchangingevencusswordswithanAmericancitizen，Iputhimbackinhisproperplace。Andhewasasight，too，withhisrum-paintednoseandhisredwhiskersandelephantfeetwithleathersandalsstrappedtothem。IsupposeIlookedaboutthesame。 \"’Itlookstome，’saysI，’likeGreatBritainoughttobemadetokeepsuchgin-swilling，scurvy，unbecomingmudlarksasyouathomeinsteadofsending’emoverheretodegradeandtaintforeignlands。WekickedyououtofAmericaonceandweoughttoputonrubberbootsanddoitagain。’ \"’Oh，yougoto’ell，’saysLiverpool，whichwasaboutallthereparteeheeverhad。 \"Well，Soledad，lookedfinetomeafterDonJaime’splantation。 Liverpoolandmewalkedintoitsidebyside，fromforceofhabit，pastthecalabosaandtheHotelGrande，downacrosstheplazatowardChica’shut，wherewehopedthatLiverpool，beingahusbandofhers，mightworkhisluckforameal。 \"Aswepassedthetwo-storylittleframehouseoccupiedbytheAmericanClub，wenoticedthatthebalconyhadbeendecoratedallaroundwithwreathsofevergreensandflowers，andtheflagwasflyingfromthepoleontheroof。Stanzey，theconsul，andArk-right，agold-mineowner，weresmokingonthebalcony。MeandLiverpoolwavedourdirtyhandstoward’emandsmiledrealsocietysmiles；buttheyturnedtheirbackstousandwentontalking。Andwehadplayedwhistoncewiththetwoof’emuptothetimewhenLiverpoolheldallthirteentrumpsforfourhandsinsuccession。 Itwassomeholiday，weknew；butwedidn’tknowthedaynortheyear。 \"AlittlefurtheralongwesawareverendmannamedPendergast，whohadcometoSoledadtobuildachurch，standingunderacocoanutpalmwithhislittleblackalpacacoatandgreenumbrella。 \"’Boys，boys！’sayshe，throughhisbluespectacles，’isitasbadasthis？Areyousofarreduced？’ \"’We’rereduced，’saysI，’toveryvulgarfractions。’ \"’Itisindeedsad，’saysPendergast，’toseemycountrymeninsuchcircumstances。’ \"’Cut’arfofthatout，oldparty，’saysLiverpool。’Cawn’tyoutellamemberoftheBritishupperclasseswhenyouseeone？’ \"’Shutup，’ItoldLiverpool。’You’reonforeignsoilnow，orthatportionofitthat’snotonyou。’ \"’Andonthisday，too！’goesonPendergast，grievous——’onthismostgloriousdayoftheyearwhenweshouldallbecelebratingthedawnofChristiancivilizationandthedownfallofthewicked。’ \"’Ididnoticebuntingandbouquetsdecoratingthetown，reverend，’saysI，’butIdidn’tknowwhatitwasfor。We’vebeensolongoutoftouchwithcalendarsthatwedidn’tknowwhetheritwassummertimeorSaturdayafternoon。’ \"’Hereistwodollars，’saysPendergastdigginguptwoChilisilverwheelsandhanding’emtome。’Go，mymen，andobservetherestofthedayinabefittingmanner。’ \"MeandLiverpoolthankedhimkindly，andwalkedaway。 \"’Shallweeat？’Iasks。 \"’Oh，’ell！’saysLiverpool。’What’smoneyfor？’\"’Verywell，then，’I says，’sinceyouinsistuponit，we’lldrink。’ \"Sowepullupinarumshopandgetaquartofitandgodownonthebeachunderacocoanuttreeandcelebrate。 \"Nothavingeatenanythingbutorangesintwodays，therumhasimmediateeffect；andoncemoreIconjureupgreatrepugnancetowardtheBritishnation。 \"’Standuphere，’IsaystoLiverpool，’youscumofadespotlimitedmonarchy，andhaveanotherdoseofBunkerHill。Thatgoodman，Mr。 Pendergast，’saysI，’saidweweretoobservethedayinabefittingmanner，andI’mnotgoingtoseehismoneymisapplied。’ \"’Oh，yougoto’ell！’saysLiverpool，andIstartedinwithafineleft-handeronhisrighteye。 \"Liverpoolhadbeenafighteronce，butdissipationandbadcompanyhadtakenthenerveoutofhim。IntenminutesIhadhimlyingonthesandwavingthewhiteflag。 \"’Getup，’saysI，kickinghimintheribs，’andcomealongwithme。’ \"Liverpoolgotupandfollowedbehindmebecauseitwashishabit，wipingtheredoffhisfaceandnose。IledhimtoReverendPendergast’sshackandcalledhimout。 \"’Lookatthis，sir，’saysI——’lookatthisthingthatwasonceaproudBritisher。Yougaveustwodollarsandtoldustocelebratetheday。Thestar-spangledbannerstillwaves。Hurrahforthestarsandeagles！’ \"’Dearme，’saysPendergast，holdinguphishands。’Fightingonthisdayofalldays！OnChristmasday，whenpeaceon——’ \"’Christmas，hell！’saysI。’IthoughtitwastheFourthofJuly。’\" \"MerryChristmas！\"saidthered，white，andbluecockatoo。 \"Takehimforsixdollars，\"saidHop-alongBibb。\"He’sgothisdatesandcoloursmixed。\"