\"BeforeIgo,\"saidhe,\"Ihavearequesttomake——Imayaswellsayacautiontogiveyou。Donot,Ipray,eithernoworatanyfuturetime,carryorallowanyoneelsetocarrynewspapersintoMissGrey’sroom。Theyarejustnowtooalarming。Therehasbeen,asyouknow,adreadfulmurderinthiscity。Ifshecaughtoneglimpseoftheheadlines,orsawsomuchasthenameofFairbrother——which——whichisanamesheknows,theresultmightbeveryhurtfultoher。Sheisnotonlyextremelysensitivefromillnessbutfromtemperament。Willyoubecareful?\"
\"Ishallbecareful。\"
Itwassuchaneffortformetosaythesewords,tosayanythinginthestateofmindintowhichIhadbeenthrownbyhisunexpectedallusiontothissubject,thatIunfortunatelydrewhisattentiontomyselfanditwaswithwhatIfelttobeaglanceofdoubtthatheaddedwithdecidedemphasis:
\"Youmustconsiderthiswholesubjectasaforbiddenoneinthisfamily。Onlycheerfultopicsaresuitableforthesick-room。IfMissGreyattemptstointroduceanyother,stopher。Donotlethertalkaboutanythingwhichwillnotbeconducivetoherspeedyrecovery。ThesearetheonlyinstructionsIhavetogiveyou;allothersmustcomefromherphysician。\"
Imadesomereplywithaslittleshowofemotionaspossible。Itseemedtosatisfyhim,forhisfaceclearedashekindlyobserved:
\"Youhaveaverytrustworthylookforonesoyoung。Ishallresteasywhileyouarewithher,andIshallexpectyoutobealwayswithherwhenIamnot。Everymoment,mind。Sheisnevertobeleftalonewithgossipingservants。Ifawordismentionedinherhearingaboutthiscrimewhichseemstobeineverybody’smouth,Ishallfeelforced,greatlyasIshouldregretthefad,toblameyou。\"
Thiswasaheart-stroke,butIkeptupbravely,changingcolorperhaps,butnottosuchamarkeddegreeastoarouseanydeepersuspicioninhismindthanthatIhadbeenwoundedinmyamourpropre。
\"Sheshallbewellguarded,\"saidI。\"Youmaytrustmetokeepfromherallavoidableknowledgeofthiscrime。\"
HebowedandIwasabouttoleavehispresence,whenhedetainedmebyremarkingwiththeairofonewhofeltthatsomeexplanationwasnecessary:
\"Iwasattheballwherethiscrimetookplace。Naturallyithasmadeadeepimpressiononmeandwouldonherifsheheardofit。\"
\"Assuredly,\"Imurmured,wonderingifhewouldsaymoreandhowI
shouldhavethecouragetostandthereandlistenifhedid。
\"ItisthefirsttimeIhaveevercomeincontactwithcrime,\"hewentonwithwhat,inoneofhisreservednature,seemedahardlynaturalinsistence。\"Icouldwellhavebeensparedtheexperience。Atragedywithwhichonehasbeeneventhusremotelyconnectedproducesalastingeffectuponthemind。\"
\"Ohyes,ohyes!\"Imurmured,edginginvoluntarilytowardthedoor。DidInotknow?HadInotbeenthere,too;I,littleI,whomhestoodgazingdownuponfromsuchaheight,littlerealizingthefatalitywhichunitedusand,whatwasevenamoreoverwhelmingthoughttomeatthemoment,thefactthatofallpersonsintheworldtheshrinkinglittlebeing,intowhoseeyeshewasthenlooking,was,perhaps,hisgreatestenemyandtheoneperson,greatorsmall,fromwhomhehadthemosttofear。
ButIwasnoenemytohisgentledaughterandthereliefIfeltatfindingmyselfthuscutoffbymyownpromisefromeventheremotestcommunicationwithheronthisforbiddensubjectwasgenuineandsincere。
Butthefather!WhatwasItothinkofthefather?Alas!Icouldhavebutonethought,admirableasheappearedinalllightssavetheoneinwhichhistooevidentconnectionwiththiscrimehadplacedhim。Ispentthehoursoftheafternooninalternatelywatchingthesleepingfaceofmypatient,toosweetlycalminitsrepose,orsoitseemed,forthemindbeneathtoharborsuchdoubtsaswereshowninthewarningIhadascribedtoher,andvaineffortstoexplainbyanyotherhypothesisthanthatofguilt,theextraordinaryevidencewhichlinkedthismanofgreataffairsandtheloftiestreputetoacrimeinvolvingboththeftandmurder。
Nordidthestruggleendthatnight。Itwasrenewedwithstillgreaterpositivenessthenextday,asIwitnessedtheglanceswhichfromtimetotimepassedbetweenthisfatheranddaughter,——glancesfullofdoubtandquestiononbothsides,butnotexactlysuchdoubtorsuchquestionasmysuspicionscalledfor。OrsoIthought,andspentanotherdayortwohesitatingverymuchovermyduty,when,comingunexpectedlyuponMr。Greyoneevening,Ifeltallmydoubtsreviveinviewoftheextraordinaryexpressionofdread——Imightwithstillgreatertruthsayfear——whichinformedhisfeaturesandmadethem,tomyunaccustomedeyes,almostunrecognizable。
Hewassittingathisdeskinreverieoversomepaperswhichheseemednottohavetouchedforhours,andwhen,atsomemovementImade,hestartedupandmetmyeye,Icouldswearthathischeekwaspale,thefirmcarriageofhisbodyshaken,andthewholemanavictimtosomestrongandsecretapprehensionhevainlysoughttohide。whenIventuredtotellhimwhatIwanted,hemadeaneffortandpulledhimselftogether,butIhadseenhimwithhismaskoff,andhisusuallycalmvisageandself-possessedmiencouldnotagaindeceiveme。
MydutieskeptmemainlyatMissGrey’sbedside,butIhadbeenprovidedwithalittleroomacrossthehall,andtothisroomI
retiredverysoonafterthis,forrestandanecessaryunderstandingwithmyself。
For,inspiteofthisexperienceandmynowsettledconvictions,mypurposerequiredwhetting。Theindescribablecharm,theextremerefinementandnobilityofmannerobservableinbothMr。
Greyandhisdaughterwereproducingtheireffect。Ifeltguilty;
constrained。whatevermyconvictions,theimpetustoactwasleavingme。HowcouldIrecoverit?BythinkingofAnsonDurandandhispresentdisgracefulposition。
AnsonDurand!Oh,howthefeelingsurgedupinmybreastasthatnameslippedfrommylipsoncrossingthethresholdofmylittleroom!AnsonDurand,whomIbelievedinnocent,whomIloved,butwhomIwasbetrayingwitheverymomentofhesitationinwhichI
allowedmyselftoindulge!whatiftheHonorableMr。Greyisaneminentstatesman,adignified,scholarly,andtoallappearance,high-mindedman?whatifmypatientissweet,dove-eyedandaffectionate?HadnotAnsonqualitiesasexcellentintheirway,rightsascertain,andaholduponmyselfsuperiortoanyclaimswhichanothermightadvance?Drawingamuch-crumpledlittlenotefrommypocket,Ieagerlyreadit。ItwastheonlyoneIhadofhiswriting,theonlyletterhehadeverwrittenme。Ihadalreadyre-readitahundredtimes,butasIoncemorerepeatedtomyselfitswell-knownlines,Ifeltmyheartgrowstrongandfixedinthedeterminationwhichhadbroughtmeintothisfamily。
Restoringthelettertoitsplace,IopenedmygripsackandfromitsinmostrecessesdrewforthanobjectwhichIhadnosoonerinhandthananaturalsenseofdisquietudeledmetoglanceapprehensively,firstatthedoor,thenatthewindow,thoughI
hadlockedtheoneandshadedtheother。ItseemedasifsomeothereyebesidesmyownmustbegazingatwhatIheldsogingerlyinhand;thatthewallswerewatchingme,ifnothingelse,andthesensationthisproducedwassoexactlylikethatofguilt(orwhatIimaginedtobeguilt),thatIwasforcedtorepeatoncemoretomyselfthatitwasnotagoodman’soverthrowIsought,orevenabadman’simmunityfrompunishment,butthetruth,theabsolutetruth。NoshamecouldequalthatwhichI
shouldfeelif,byanyover-delicacynow,Ifailedtosavethemanwhotrustedme。
ThearticlewhichIheld——haveyouguessedit?——wasthestilettowithwhichMrs。Fairbrotherhadbeenkilled。Ithadbeenintrustedtomebythepoliceforadefinitepurpose。Thetimefortestingthatpurposehadcome,orsonearlycome,thatIfeltImustbethinkingaboutthenecessarywaysandmeans。
Unwindingthefoldsoftissuepaperinwhichthestilettowaswrapped,Iscrutinizedtheweaponverycarefully。Hitherto,Ihadseenonlypicturesofit,now,Ihadthearticleitselfinmyhand。Itwasnotanaturaloneforayoungwomantohold,awomanwhosetasteranmoretowardhealingthaninflictingwounds,butI
forcedmyselftoforgetwhytheendofitsbladewasrusty,andlookedmainlyatthedeviceswhichornamentedthehandle。Ihadnotbeenmistakeninthem。TheybelongedtothehouseofGrey,andtononeother。ItwasalegitimateinquiryIhadundertaken。
Howeverthematterended,Ishouldalwayshavethesehistoricdevicesformyexcuse。
MyplanwastolaythisdaggeronMr。Grey’sdeskatamomentwhenhewouldbesuretoseeitandItoseehim。Ifhebetrayedaguiltyknowledgeofthisfatalsteel;if,unconsciousofmypresence,heshowedsurpriseandapprehension,——thenweshouldknowhowtoproceed;justicewouldbeloosedfromconstraintandthepolicefeelatlibertytoapproachhim。Itwasadelicatetask,this。Irealizedhowdelicate,whenIhadthrustthestilettooutofsightundermynurse’sapronandstartedtocrossthehall。ShouldIfindthelibraryclear?Wouldtheopportunitybegivenmetoapproachhisdesk,orshouldIhavetocarrythisguiltywitnessofaworld-famouscrimeonintoMissGrey’sroom,andwithitsunholyoutlinepressingasemblanceofitselfuponmybreast,sitatthatinnocentpillow,meetthoseinnocenteyes,andanswerthegentleinquirieswhichnowandthenfellfromthesweetestlipsIhaveeverseensmileintothefaceofalonely,preoccupiedstranger?
Thearrangementoftheroomswassuchasmadeitnecessaryformetopassthroughthissittting-roominordertoreachmypatient’sbedroom。
Withcarefultread,sotimedasnottoappearstealthy,I
accordinglyadvancedandpushedopenthedoor。Theroomwasempty。Mr。GreywasstillwithhisdaughterandIcouldcrossthefloorwithoutfear。ButneverhadIentereduponataskrequiringmorecourageoronemoreobnoxioustomynaturalinstincts。I
hatedeachstepItook,butIlovedthemanforwhomItookthosesteps,andmovedresolutelyon。Only,asIreachedthechairinwhichMr。Greywasaccustomedtosit,Ifoundthatitwaseasiertoplananactionthantocarryitout。Homelifeandthedomesticvirtueshadalwaysappealedtomemorethanaman’sgreatness。Thepositionwhichthismanheldinhisowncountry,hisusefulnessthere,evenhisprestigeasstatesmanandscholar,werefacts,butverydreamyfacts,tome,whilehisfeelingsasafather,theplaceheheldinhisdaughter’sheart——thesewererealtome,theseIcouldunderstand;anditwasoftheseandnotofhisplaceasaman,thatthishisfavoriteseatspoketome。
HowoftenhadIbeheldhimsitbythehourwithhiseyeonthedoorbehindwhichhisonedarlinglayill!Evennow,itwaseasyformetorecallhisfaceasIhadsometimescaughtaglimpseofitthroughthecrackofthesuddenlyopeneddoor,andIfeltmybreastheaveandmyhandfalterasIdrewforththestilettoandmovedtoplaceitwherehiseyewouldfalluponitonhisleavinghisdaughter’sbedside。
Butmyhandreturnedquicklytomybreastandfellhackagainempty。Apileofletterslaybeforemeontheopenlidofthedesk。Thetoponewasaddressedtomewiththeword\"Important\"
writteninthecorner。Ididnotknowthewriting,butIfeltthatIshouldopenandreadthisletterbeforecommittingmyselforthosewhostoodbackofmetothisdesperateundertaking。
GlancingbehindmeandseeingthatthedoorintoMissGrey’sroomwasajar,Icaughtupthisletterandrushedwithitbackintomyownroom。AsIsurmised,itwasfromtheinspector,andasIreaditIrealizedthatIhadreceiveditnotonemomenttoosoon。Inlanguagepurposelynon-committal,butofameaningnottobemistaken,itadvisedmethatsomeunforeseenfactshadcometolightwhichalteredallformersuspicionsandmadethelittlesurpriseIhadplannednolongernecessary。
TherewasnoallusiontoMr。Durandbutthefinalsentenceran:
\"Dropallcareandgiveyourundividedattentiontoyourpatient。\"
XIII
THEMISSINGRECOMMENDATION
Mypatientsleptthatnight,butIdidnot。TheshockgivenbythissuddencryofHalt!attheverymomentIwasabouttomakemygreatmove,theuncertaintyastowhatitmeantandmydoubtofitseffectuponMr。Durand’sposition,putmeontheanxiousseatandkeptmythoughtsfullyoccupiedtillmorning。
Iwasverytiredandmusthaveshownit,when,withthefirstraysofaverymeagersun,MissGreysoftlyunclosedhereyesandfoundmelookingather,forhersmilehadasweetcompassioninit,andshesaidasshepressedmyhand:
\"Youmusthavewatchedmeallnight。Ineversawanyonelooksotired,——orsogood,\"shesoftlyfinished。
Ihadrathershehadnotutteredthatlastphrase。Itdidnotfitmeatthemoment,——didnotfitme,perhaps,atanytime。Good!I!
whenmythoughtshadnotbeenwithher,butwithMr。Durand;whenthedominatingfeelinginmybreastwasnotthatofrelief,butavagueregretthatIhadnotbeenallowedtomakemygreattestandsoestablish,tomyownsatisfaction,atleast,theperfectinnocenceofmyloverevenatthecostofuntoldanguishtothisconfidinggirluponwhosegentlespirittheverythoughtofcrimewouldcastadeadlyblight。
Imusthaveflushed;certainlyIshowedsomeembarrassment,forhereyesbrightenedwithshylaughterasshewhispered:
\"Youdonotliketobepraised,——anotherofyourvirtues。Youhavetoomany。Ihaveonlyone——Ilovemyfriends。\"
Shedid。Onecouldseethatlovewaslifetoher。
ForaninstantItrembled。HownearIhadbeentowreckingthisgentlesoul!Wasshesafeyet?Iwasnotsure。Myowndoubtswerenotsatisfied。Iawaitedthepaperswithfeverishimpatience。
Theyshouldcontainnews。Newsofwhat?Ah,thatwasthequestion!
\"Youwillletmeseemymailthismorning,willyounot?\"sheasked,asIbusiedmyselfabouther。
\"Thatisforthedoctortosay,\"Ismiled。\"Youarecertainlybetterthismorning。\"
\"Itissohardformenottobeabletoreadhisletters,ortowriteawordtorelievehisanxiety。\"
Thusshetoldmeherheart’ssecret,andunconsciouslyaddedanotherburdentomyalreadytooheavyload。
Iwasonmywaytogivesomeordersaboutmypatient’sbreakfast,whenMr。Greycameintothesitting-roomandmetmefacetoface。
HehadanewspaperinhishandandmyheartstoodstillasI
notedhisalteredlooksanddisturbedmanner。Weretheseduetoanythinghehadfoundinthosecolumns?ItwaswithdifficultythatIkeptmyeyesfromthepaperwhichheheldinsuchamannerastodiscloseitsglaringhead-lines。TheseIdarednotreadwithhiseyesfixedonmine。
\"HowisMissGrey?Howismydaughter?\"heaskedingreathasteanduneasiness。\"Isshebetterthismorning,or——worse?\"
\"Better,\"Iassuredhim,andwasgreatlyastonishedtoseehisbrowinstantlyclear。
\"Really?\"heasked。\"Youreallyconsiderherbetter?Thedoctorssayso’butIhavenotverymuchfaithindoctorsinacaselikethis,\"headded。
\"Ihaveseennoreasontodistrustthem,\"Iprotested。\"MissGrey’sillness,whilesevere,doesnotappeartobeofanalarmingnature。ButthenIhavehadverylittleexperienceoutofthehospital。Iamyoungyet,Mr。Grey。\"
Helookedasifhequiteagreedwithmeinthisestimateofmyself,and,withabrowstillclouded,passedintohisdaughter’sroom,thepaperinhishand。BeforeIjoinedthemI
foundandscannedanotherjournal。Expectinggreatthings,IwasbothsurprisedanddisappointedtofindonlyasmallparagraphdevotedtotheFairbrothercase。Inthisitwasstatedthattheauthoritieshopedfornewlightonthismysteryassoonastheyhadlocatedacertainwitness,whoseconnectionwiththecrimetheyhadjustdiscovered。Nomore,nolessthanwascontainedinInspectorDalzell’sletter。HowcouldIbearit,——thesuspense,thedoubt,——anddomydutytomypatient!Happily,Ihadnochoice。IhadbeenadjudgedequaltothisbusinessandImustprovemyselftobeso。PerhapsmycouragewouldreviveafterI
hadhadmybreakfast;perhapsthenIshouldbeabletofixupontheidentityofthenewwitness,——somethingwhichIfoundmyselfincapableofatthismoment。
ThesethoughtswereonmymindasIcrossedtheroomsonmywaybacktoMissGrey’sbedside。BythetimeIreachedherdoorIwasoutwardlycalm,asherfirstwordsshowed:
\"Oh,thecheerfulsmile!Itmakesmefeelbetterinspiteofmyself。\"
Ifshecouldhaveseenintomyheart!
Mr。Grey,whowasleaningoverthefootofthebed,castmeaquickglancewhichwasnotwithoutitssuspicion。Hadhedetectedmeplayingapart,orweresuchdoubtsashedisplayedtheproductsimplyofhisownuneasiness?Iwasnotabletodecide,and,withthisunansweredquestionaddedtothenumberalreadytroublingme,Iwasforcedtofacethedaywhich,foraughtI
knew,mightbetheprecursorofmanyothersequallytryingandunsatisfactory。
Buthelpwasnear。BeforenoonIreceivedamessagefrommyuncletotheeffectthatifIcouldbesparedhewouldbegladtoseemeathishomeasnearthreeo’clockaspossible。Whatcouldhewantofme?Icouldnotguess,anditwaswithgreatinnerperturbationthat,havingwonMr。Grey’spermission,Irespondedtohissummons。
Ifoundmyuncleawaitingmeinacarriagebeforehisowndoor,andItookmyseatathissidewithouttheleastideaofhispurpose。Isupposedthathehadplannedthisridethathemighttalktomeunreservedlyandwithoutfearofinterruption。ButI
soonsawthathehadsomeverydifferentobjectinview,fornotonlydidhestartdowntowninsteadofup,buthisconversation,suchasitwas,confineditselftogeneralitiesandstudiouslyavoidedtheonetopicofsupremeinteresttousboth。
Atlast,asweturnedintoBleeckerStreet,Iletmyastonishmentandperplexityappear。
\"Wherearewebound?\"Iasked。\"ItcannotbethatyouaretakingmetoseeMr。Durand?\"
\"No,\"saidhe,andsaidnomore。
\"Ah,PoliceHeadquarters!\"IfalteredasthecarriagemadeanotherturnanddrewupbeforeabuildingIhadreasontoremember。\"Uncle,whatamItodohere?\"
\"Seeafriend,\"heanswered,ashehelpedmetoalight。ThenasI
followedhiminsomebewilderment,hewhisperedinmyear:
\"InspectorDalzell。Hewantsafewminutesconversationwithyou。\"
Oh,theweightwhichfellfrommyshouldersatthesewords!Iwastohear,then,whathadintervenedbetweenmeandmypurpose。ThewearingnightIhadanticipatedwastobelightenedwithsomesmallsparkofknowledge。Ihadconfidenceenoughinthekind-heartedinspectortobesureofthat。Icaughtatmyuncle’sarmandsqueezeditdelightedly,quiteobliviousofthecuriousglancesImusthavereceivedfromthevariousofficialswepassedonourwaytotheinspector’soffice。
Wefoundhimwaitingforus,andIexperiencedsuchpleasureatsightofhiskindandearnestfacethatIhardlynoticeduncle’sslyretreattillthedoorclosedbehindhim。
\"Oh,Inspector,whathashappened?\"Iimpetuouslyexclaimedinanswertohisgreeting。\"SomethingthatwillhelpMr。DurandwithoutdisturbingMr。Grey——haveyouasgoodnewsformeasthat?\"
\"Hardly,\"heanswered,movingupachairandseatingmeinitwithafatherlyairwhich,underthecircumstances,wasmorediscouragingthanconsolatory。\"Wehavesimplyheardofanewwitness,orratherafacthascometolightwhichhasturnedourinquiriesintoanewdirection。\"
\"And——and——youcannottellmewhatthisfactis?\"Ifalteredasheshowednointentionofaddinganythingtothisveryunsatisfactoryexplanation。
\"Ishouldnot,butyouwerewillingtodosomuchforusImustsetasidemyprinciplesalittleanddosomethingforyou。Afterall,itisonlyforestallingthereportersbyaday。MissVanArsdale,thisisthestory:Yesterdaymorningamanwasshownintothisroom,andsaidthathehadinformationtogivewhichmightpossiblyprovetohavesomebearingontheFairbrothercase。Ihadseenthemanbeforeandrecognizedhimatthefirstglanceasoneofthewitnesseswhomadetheinquestunnecessarilytedious。DoyourememberJones,thecaterer,whohadonlytwoorthreefactstogiveandyetwhousedupthewholeafternoonintryingtostatethosefacts?\"
\"Ido,indeed,\"Ianswered。
\"Well,hewastheman,andIownthatIwasnonetoodelightedtoseehim。ButhewasmoreathiseasewithmethanIexpected,andIsoonlearnedwhathehadtotell。Itwasthis:Oneofhismenhadsuddenlylefthim,oneofhisverybestmen,oneofthosewhohadbeenwithhiminthecapacityofwaiterattheRamsdellball。
Itwasnotuncommonforhismentoleavehim,buttheyusuallygavenotice。Thismangavenonotice;hesimplydidnotshowupattheusualhour。Thiswasaweekortwoago。Jones,havingalikingfortheman,whowasanexcellentwaiter,sentamessengertohislodging-housetoseeifhewereill。Buthehadlefthislodgingswithaslittleceremonyashehadleftthecaterer。
\"This,underordinarycircumstances,wouldhaveendedthebusiness,buttherebeingsomegreatfunctioninprospect,Jonesdidnotfeellikelosingsogoodamanwithoutmakinganefforttorecoverhim,sohelookeduphisreferencesinthehopeofobtainingsomecluetohispresentwhereabouts。
\"Hekeptallsuchmattersinaspecialbookandexpectedtohavenotroubleinfindingtheman’sname,JamesWellgood,orthatofhisformeremployerButwhenhecametoconsultthisbook,hewasastonishedtofindthatnothingwasrecordedagainstthisman’snamebutthedateofhisfirstemployment——March15。
\"Hadhehiredhimwithoutarecommendation?Hewouldnotbelikelyto,yetthepagewasclearofallreference;onlythenameandthedate。Butthedate!Youhavealreadynoteditssignificance,andlaterhedid,too。ThedayoftheRamsdellball!Thedayofthegreatmurder!AsherecalledtheincidentsofthatdayheunderstoodwhytherecordofWellgood’snamewasunaccompaniedbytheusualreference。Ithadbeenadifficultdayallround。Thefunctionwasanimportantone,andtheweatherbad。Therewas,besides,anunusualshortageinhisnumberofassistants。Twomenhadthatverymorningbeenlaidupwithsickness,andwhenthisable-looking,self-confidentWellgoodpresentedhimselfforimmediateemployment,hetookhimoutofhandwiththemerestglanceatwhatlookedlikeaverysatisfactoryreference。Later,hehadintendedtolookupthisreference,whichhehadbeencarefultopreservebystickingit,alongwithotherpapers,onhisspike-file。Butinthedistractionsfollowingtheuntowardeventsoftheevening,hehadneglectedtodoso,feelingperfectlysatisfiedwiththeman’sworkandgeneralbehavior。Nowitwasadifferentthing。Themanhadlefthimsummarily,andhefeltimpelledtohuntupthepersonwhohadrecommendedhimandseewhetherthiswasthefirsttimethatWellgoodhadrepaidgoodtreatmentwithbad。Runningthroughthepaperswithwhichhisfilewasnowfull,hefoundthattheonehesoughtwasnotthere。Thisrousedhimingoodearnest,forhewascertainthathehadnotremovedithimselfandtherewasnooneelsewhohadtherighttodoso。Hesuspectedtheculprit,——ayoungladwhooccasionallyhadaccesstohisdesk。Butthisboywasnolongerintheoffice。Hehaddismissedhimforsomepettyfaultthepreviousweek,andittookhimseveraldaystofindhimagain。Meantimehisangergrewandwhenhefinallycamefacetofacewiththelad,heaccusedhimofthesuspectedtrickwithsomuchvehemencethattheinevitablehappened,andtheboyconfessed。Thisiswhatheacknowledged。Hehadtakenthereferenceoffthefile,butonlytogiveittoWellgoodhimself,whohadofferedhimmoneyforit。Whenaskedhowmuchmoney,theboyadmittedthatthesumwastendollars,——
anextraordinaryamountfromapoormanforsosimpleaservice,ifthemanmerelywishedtosecurehisreferenceforfutureuse;
soextraordinarythatMr。Jonesgrewmoreandmorepertinentinhisinquiries,elicitingfinallywhathesurelycouldnothavehopedforinthebeginning,——theexactaddressofthepartyreferredtointhepaperhehadstolen,andwhich,forsomereason,theboyremembered。Itwasanuptownaddress,and,assoonasthecaterercouldleavehisbusiness,hetooktheelevatedandproceededtothespecifiedstreetandnumber。
\"MissVanArsdale,asurpriseawaitedhim,andawaiteduswhenhetoldtheresultofhissearch。Thenameattachedtotherecommendationhadbeen——’HiramSears,Steward。’Hedidnotknowofanysuchman——perhapsyoudo——butwhenhereachedthehousefromwhichtherecommendationwasdated,hesawthatitwasoneofthegreathousesofNewYork,thoughhecouldnotattheinstantrememberwholivedthere。Buthesoonfoundout。Thefirstpasser-bytoldhim。MissVanArsdale,perhapsyoucandothesame。Thenumberwas——Eighty-sixthStreet。\"
\"——!\"Irepeated,quiteaghast。\"Why,Mr。Fairbrotherhimself!
Thehusbandof——\"
\"Exactlyso,andHiramSears,whosenameyoumayhaveheardmentionedattheinquest,thoughforaverygoodreasonhewasnotthereinperson,ishisstewardandgeneralfactotum。\"
\"Oh!anditwashewhorecommendedWellgood?\"
\"Yes。\"
\"AnddidMr。Jonesseehim?\"
\"No。Thehouse,youremember,isclosed。Mr。Fairbrother,onleavingtown,gavehisservantsavacation。Hisstewardhetookwithhim,——thatis,theystartedtogether。ButwehearnomentionmadeofhiminourtelegramsfromSantaFe。HedoesnotseemtohavefollowedMr。Fairbrotherintothemountains。\"
\"Yousaythatinapeculiarway,\"Iremarked。
\"Becauseithasstruckuspeculiarly。WhereisSearsnow?AndwhydidhenotgoonwithMr。FairbrotherwhenhelefthomewitheveryapparentintentionofaccompanyinghimtothePlacidemine?
MissVanArsdale,wewereimpressedwiththisfactwhenweheardofMr。Fairbrother’slonelytripfromwherehewastakenilltohismineoutsideofSantaFe;butwehaveonlygivenititsdueimportancesincehearingwhathascometousto-day。
\"MissVanArsdale,\"continuedtheinspector,asIlookedupquickly,\"Iamgoingtoshowgreatconfidenceinyou。IamgoingtotellyouwhatourmenhavelearnedaboutthisSears。AsIhavesaidbefore,itisbutforestallingthereportersbyaday,anditmayhelpyoutounderstandwhyIsentyousuchperemptoryorderstostop,whenyourwholeheartwasfixedonanattemptbywhichyouhopedtorightMr。Durand。Wecannotaffordtodisturbsodistinguishedapersonastheoneyouhaveunderyoureye,whiletheleasthoperemainsoffixingthiscrimeelsewhere。Andwehavesuchhope。Thisman,thisSears,isbynomeansthesimplecharacteronewouldexpectfromhisposition。Consideringtheshorttimewehavehad(itwasonlyyesterdaythatJonesfoundhiswayintothisoffice),wehaveunearthedsomeveryinterestingfactsinhisregard。HisdevotiontoMr。Fairbrotherwasneveranysecret,andweknewasmuchaboutthatthedayafterthemurderaswedonow。ButthefeelingswithwhichheregardedMrs。Fairbrother——well,thatisanotherthing——anditwasnottilllastnightweheardthattheattachmentwhichboundhimtoherwasofthesortwhichtakesnoaccountofyouthorage,fitnessorunfitness。HewasnoAdonis,andoldenough,wearetold,tobeherfather;butforallthatwehavealreadyfoundseveralpersonswhocantellstrangestoriesofthepersistencewithwhichhiseageroldeyeswouldfollowherwheneverchancethrewthemtogetherduringthetimesheremainedunderherhusband’sroof;andotherswhorelate,withevenmoreavidity,how,afterherremovaltoapartmentsofherown,heusedtospendhoursintheadjoiningparkjusttocatchaglimpseofherfigureasshecrossedthesidewalkonherwaytoandfromhercarriage。Indeed,hissenseless,almostsenilepassionforthismagnificentbeautybecameaby-wordinsomemouths,anditonlyescapedbeingmentionedattheinquestfromrespecttoMr。
Fairbrother,whohadneverrecognizedthisweaknessinhissteward,andfromitslackofvisibleconnectionwithherhorribledeathandthestealingofhergreatjewel。Nevertheless,wehaveawitnessnow——itisastonishinghowmanywitnesseswecanscareupbyalittleeffort,whoneverthoughtofcomingforwardthemselves——whocansweartohavingseenhimonenightshakinghisfistatherretreatingfigureasshesteppedhaughtilybyhimintoherapartmenthouse。ThiswitnessissurethatthemanhesawthusgesticulatingwasSears,andheissurethewomanwasMrs。Fairbrother。Theonlythingheisnotsureofishowhisownwifewillfeelwhenshehearsthathewasinthatparticularneighborhoodonthatparticularevening,whenhewasevidentlysupposedtobesomewhereelse。\"Andtheinspectorlaughed。
\"Isthesteward’sdispositionabadone。\"Iasked,\"thatthisdisplayoffeelingshouldimpressyousomuch?\"
\"Idon’tknowwhattosayaboutthatyet。Opinionsdifferonthispoint。Hisfriendsspeakofhimasthemildestkindofamanwho,withoutnativeexecutiveskill,couldnotmanagethegreathouseholdhehasincharge。Hisenemies,andwehaveunearthedafew,say,onthecontrary,thattheyhaveneverhadanyconfidenceinhisquietways;thatthesewerenotinkeepingwiththefactorhishavingbeenaCaliforniaminerintheearlyfifties。
\"YoucanseeIamputtingyouverynearlywhereweareourselves。
NordoIseewhyIshouldnotaddthatthispassionoftheseeminglysubduedbutreallyhot-headedstewardforawoman,whonevershowedhimanythingbutwhathemightcallaninsultingindifference,struckusasacluetobeworkedup,especiallyafterwereceivedthisanswertoatelegramwesentlatelastnighttothenursewhoiscaringforMr。FairbrotherinNewMexico。\"
HehandedmeasmallyellowslipandIread:
\"ThestewardleftMr。FairbrotheratElMoro。Hehasnotheardfromhimsince。
\"ANNETTALASERRA
\"ForAbnerFairbrother。\"
\"AtElMoro?\"Icried。\"Why,thatwaslongenoughago\"
\"ForhimtohavereachedNewYorkbeforethemurder。Exactlyso,ifhetookadvantageofeverycloseconnection。\"
XIV
TRAPPED
Icaughtmybreathsharply。Ididnotsayanything。IfeltthatI
didnotunderstandtheinspectorsufficientlyyettospeak。Heseemedtobepleasedwithmyreticence。Atallevents,hismannergrewevenkinderashesaid:
\"ThisSearsisawitnesswemusthave。Heisbeinglookedfornow,highandlow,andwehopetogetsomecluetohiswhereaboutsbeforenight。Thatis,ifheisinthiscity。
Meanwhile,weareallglad——Iamsureyouarealso——tosparesodistinguishedagentlemanasMr。Greytheslightestannoyance。\"
\"AndMr。Durand?Whatofhiminthisinterim?\"
\"Hewillhavetoawaitdevelopments。Iseenootherway,mydear。\"
Itwaskindlysaid,butmyheaddrooped。Thiswaitingwaswhatwaskillinghimandkillingme。Theinspectorsawandgentlypattedmyhand。
\"Come,\"saidhe,\"youhaveheadenoughtoseethatitisneverwisetoforcematters。\"Then,possiblywithanintentionofrousingme,heremarked:\"Thereisanothersmallfactwhichmayinterestyou。Itconcernsthewaiter,Wellgood,recommended,asyouwillremember,bythisSears。InmytalkwithJonesitleakedoutasamatterofsmallmoment,andsoitwastohim,thatthisWellgoodwasthewaiterwhoranandpickedupthediamondafteritfellfromMr。Grey’shand。\"
\"Ah!\"
\"Thismaymeannothing——itmeantnothingtoJones——butIinformyouofitbecausethereisaquestionIwanttoputtoyouinthisconnection。Yousmile。\"
\"DidI?\"Imeeklyanswered。\"Idonotknowwhy。\"
Thiswasnottrue。Ihadbeenwaitingtoseewhytheinspectorhadsohonoredmewithallthesedisclosures,almostwithhisthoughts。NowIsaw。Hedesiredsomethinginreturn。
\"Youwereonthesceneatthisverymoment,\"heproceeded,afterabriefcontemplationofmyface,\"andyoumusthaveseenthismanwhenheliftedthejewelandhandeditbacktoMr。Grey。Didyouremarkhisfeatures?\"
\"No,sir;Iwastoofaroff;besides,myeyeswereonMr。Grey。\"
\"Thatisapity。Iwasinhopesyoucouldsatisfymeonaveryimportantpoint。\"
\"Whatpointisthat,InspectorDalzell?\"
\"Whetherheansweredthefollowingdescription。\"And,takingupanotherpaper,hewasabouttoreaditaloudtome,whenaninterruptionoccurred。Amanshowedhimselfatthedoor,whomtheinspectornosoonerrecognizedthanheseemedtoforgetmeinhiseagernesstointerrogatehim。Perhapstheappearanceofthelatterhadsomethingtodowithit;helookedasifhehadbeenrunning,orhadbeenthevictimofsomeextraordinaryadventure。
Atallevents,theinspectoraroseasheentered,andwasabouttoquestionhimwhenherememberedme,and,castingaboutforsomemeansofriddinghimselfofmypresencewithoutinjurytomyfeelings,hesuddenlypushedopenthedoorofanadjoiningroomandrequestedmetostepinsidewhilehetalkedamomentwiththisman。
OfcourseIwent,butIcasthimanappealinglookasIdidso。
Itevidentlyhaditseffect,forhisexpressionchangedashisbandfellonthedoorknob。Wouldhesnapthelocktight,andsoshutmeoutfromwhatconcernedmeasmuchasitdidanyoneinthewholeworld?Orwouldherecognizemyanxiety——thenecessityIwasunderofknowingjustthegroundIwasstandingon——andletmehearwhatthismanhadtoreport?
Iwatchedthedoor。Itclosedslowly,tooslowlytolatch。Wouldhecatchitanewbytheknob?No;heleftitthus,and,whilethecrackwashardlyperceptible,IfeltconfidentthattheleastshakeofthefloorwouldwidenitandgivemetheopportunityI
sought。ButIdidnothavetowaitforthis。ThetwomenintheofficeIhadjustleftbegantospeak,andtomyunboundedreliefweresufficientlyintelligible,evennow,towarrantmeingivingthemmyfullestattention。
Aftersomeexpressionsofastonishmentonthepartoftheinspectorastotheplightinwhichtheotherpresentedhimself,thelatterbrokeout:
\"I’vejustescapeddeath!I’lltellyouaboutthatlater。WhatI
wanttotellyounowisthatthemanwewantisintown。Isawhimlastnight,orhisshadow,whichisthesamething。ItwasinthehouseinEighty-sixthStreet,——thehousetheyallthinkclosed。Hecameinwithakeyand——\"
\"Wait!Youhavehim?\"
\"No。It’salongstory,sir——\"
\"Tellit!\"
Thetonewasdry。Theinspectorwasevidentlydisappointed。
\"Don’tblamemetillyouhear,\"saidtheother。\"Heisnocommoncrook。Thisishowitwas:Youwantedthesuspect’sphotographandaspecimenofhiswriting。IknewnobetterplacetolookforthemthaninhisownroominMr。Fairbrother’shouse。I
accordinglygotthenecessarywarrantandlatelasteveningundertookthejob。IwentaloneIwasalwaysanegotisticalchap,more’sthepity——andwithnofurtherprecautionthanapassingexplanationtotheofficerImetatthecorner,IhasteneduptheblocktotherearentranceonEighty-seventhStreet。TherearethreedoorstotheFairbrotherhouse,asyouprobablyknow。TwoonEighty-sixthStreet(thelargefrontoneandasmalloneconnectingdirectlywiththeturretstairs),andoneonEighty-seventhStreet。ItwastothelatterIhadakey。Idonotthinkanyonesawmegoin。Itwasraining,andsuchpeopleaswentbyweremoreconcernedinkeepingtheirumbrellasproperlyovertheirheadsthaninwatchingmenskulkingaboutindoorways。
\"Igotin,then,allright,and,beingcarefultoclosethedoorbehindme,wentupthefirstshortflightofstepstowhatIknewmustbethemainhall。Ihadbeengivenaplanoftheinterior,andIhadstudieditmoreorlessbeforestartingout,butIknewthatIshouldgetlostifIdidnotkeeptotherearstaircase,atthetopofwhichIexpectedtofindthesteward’sroom。Therewasafaintlightinthehouse,inspiteofitsclosedshuttersandtightly-drawnshades;and,havingacertaindreadofusingmytorch,knowingmyweaknessforprettythingsandhowharditwouldbeformetopasssomanyfineroomswithoutlookingin,I
mademywayupstairs,withnootherguidethanthehand-rail。
WhenIhadreachedwhatItooktobethethirdfloorIstopped。
Findingitverydark,Ifirstlistened——anaturalinstinctwithus——thenIlitupandlookedaboutme。
\"Iwasinalargehall,emptyasavaultandalmostasdesolate。
Blankdoorsmetmyeyesinalldirections,withhereandthereanopenpassageway。Ifeltmyselfinamaze。IhadnoideawhichwasthedoorIsought,anditisnotpleasanttoturnunaccustomedknobsinashut-uphouseatmidnight,withtherainpouringintorrentsandthewindmakingpandemoniuminahalf-dozengreatchimneys。
\"Butithadtobedone,andIwentatitinregularordertillI
cametoalittlenarrowoneopeningontheturret-stair。Thisgavememybearings。Sears’roomadjoinedthestaircase。Therewasnodifficultyinspottingtheexactdoornowand,merelystoppingtoclosetheopeningIhadmadetothislittlestaircase,Icrossedtothisdoorandflungitopen。Ihadbeenrightinmycalculations。Itwasthesteward’sroom,andImadeatonceforthedesk。\"
\"Andyoufound——?\"
\"Mostlylockeddrawers。Butakeyonmybunchopenedsomeoftheseandmyknifetherest。HerearethespecimensofhishandwritingwhichIcollected。Idoubtifyouwillgetmuchoutofthem。Isawnothingcompromisinginthewholeroom,butthenI
hadn’ttimetogothroughhistrunks,andoneofthemlookedveryinteresting,——oldasthehillsand——\"
\"Youhadn’ttime?Whyhadn’tyoutime?Whathappenedtocutitshort?\"
\"Well,sir,I’lltellyou。\"Thetoneinwhichthiswassaidrousedmeifitdidnottheinspector。\"Ihadjustcomefromthedeskwhichhaddisappointedme,andwascastingalookabouttheroom,whichwasasbareasmyhandofeverythinglikeornament——I
mightalmostsaycomfort——whenIheardanoisewhichwasnotthatofswishingrainorevengustywind——thesehadnotbeenabsentfrommyearsforamoment。Ididn’tlikethatnoise;ithadasneakishsound,andIshutmylightoffinahurry。AfterthatI
crepthastilyoutoftheroom,forIdon’tlikeaset-toinatrap。
\"Itwasdarkerthanevernowinthehall,orsoitseemed,andasIbackedawayIcameuponajoginthewall,behindwhichI
crept。ForthesoundIhadheardwasnofancy。Someonebesidesmyselfwasinthehouse,andthatsomeonewascomingupthelittleturret-stair,strikingmatchesasheapproached。Whocoulditbe?Adetectivefromthedistrictattorney’soffice?Ihardlythoughtso。Hewouldhavebeenprovidedwithsomethingbetterthanmatchestolighthisway。Aburglar?No,notonthethirdfloorofahouseasrichasthis。Somefellowontheforce,then,whohadseenmecomeinand,bysometrickofhisown,hadmanagedtofollowme?Iwouldsee。MeantimeIkeptmyplacebehindthejogandwatched,notknowingwhichwaytheintruderwouldgo。
\"Whoeverhewas,hewasevidentlyastonishedtoseetheturretdoorajar,forhelitanothermatchashethrewitopenand,thoughIfailedtogetaglimpseofhisfigure,Isucceededingettingaverygoodoneofhisshadow。Itwasonetoarouseadetective’sinstinctatonce。Ididnotsaytomyself,thisisthemanIwant,butIdidsay,thisisnobodyfromheadquarters,andIsteadiedmyselfforwhatevermightturnup。
\"Thefirstthingthathappenedwasthesuddengoingoutofthematchwhichhadmadethisshadowvisible。Theintruderdidnotlightanother。Iheardhimmoveacrossthefloorwiththerapidstepofonewhoknowshiswaywell,andthenextminuteagas-jetflaredupinthesteward’sroom,andIknewthatthemanthewholeforcewaslookingforhadtrappedhimself。
\"Youwillagreethatitwasnotmydutytotakehimthenandtherewithoutseeingwhathewasafter。Hewasthoughttobeintheeasternstates,orsouthorwest,andhewashere;butwhyhere?ThatiswhatIknewyouwouldwanttoknow,anditwasjustwhatIwantedtoknowmyself。SoIkeptmyplace,whichwasgoodenough,andjustlistened,forIcouldnotsee。
\"Whatwashiserrand?Whatdidhewantinthisemptyhouseatmidnight?Papersfirst,andthenclothes。Iheardhimathisdesk,Iheardhiminthecloset,andafterwardpotteringintheoldtrunkIhadbeensoanxioustolookintomyself。Hemusthavebroughtthekeywithhim,foritwasnotimebeforeIheardhimthrowingoutthecontentsinawildsearchforsomethinghewantedinagreathurry。Hefounditsoonerthanyouwouldbelieve,andbeganthrowingthethingsback,whensomethinghappened。Expectedlyorunexpectedly,hiseyefellonsomeobjectwhichrousedallhispassions,andhebrokeintoloudexclamationsendingingroans。Finallyhefelltokissingthisobjectwithafervorsuggestingrage,andaragesuggestingtendernesscarriedtothepointofagony。Ihaveneverheardthelike;mycuriositywassoarousedthatIwasonthepointofriskingeverythingforalook,whenhegaveasuddensnarlandcriedout,loudenoughformetohear:’KisswhatI’vehated?
ThatisasbadastokillwhatI’veloved。’Thosewerethewords。
IamsurehesaidkissandIamsurehesaidkill。\"
\"Thisisveryinteresting。Goonwithyourstory。Whydidn’tyoucollarhimwhilehewasinthismood?Youwouldhavewonbythesurprise。
\"Ihadnopistol,sir,andhehad。Iheardhimcockit。Ithoughthewasgoingtotakehisownlife,andheldmybreathforthereport。Butnothinglikethatwasinhismind。Instead,helaidthepistoldownanddeliberatelytoreintwotheobjectofhisanger。Thenwithasmotheredcursehemadeforthedoorandturretstaircase。
\"Iwasforfollowing,butnottillIhadseenwhathehaddestroyedinsuchanexcessoffeeling。IthoughtIknew,butI
wantedtofeelsure。So,beforeriskingmyselfintheturret,I
crepttotheroomhehadleftandfeltaboutonthefloortillI
cameuponthese。\"
\"Atornphotograph!Mrs。Fairbrother’s!\"
\"Yes。Haveyounotheardhowhelovedher?Afoolishpassion,butevidentlysincereand——\"
\"Nevermindcomments,Sweetwater。Sticktofacts。\"
\"Iwill,sir。Theyareinterestingenough。AfterIhadpickedupthesescrapsIstolebacktotheturretstaircase。AndhereI
mademyfirstbreak。Istumbledinthedarkness,andthemanbelowheardme,forthepistolclickedagain。Ididnotlikethis,andhadsomethoughtsofbackingoutofmyjob。ButI
didn’t。ImerelywaitedtillIheardhisstepagain;thenI
followed。
\"Butverywarilythistime。Itwasnotanagreeableventure。Itwaslikedescendingintoawellwithpossibledeathatthebottom。Icouldseenothingandpresentlycouldhearnothingbutthealmostimperceptibleslidingofmyownfingersdownthecurveofthewall,whichwasallIhadtoguideme。Hadhestoppedmidway,andwouldmyfirstintimationofhispresencebethetouchofcoldsteelortheflingingaroundmeoftwomurderousarms?Ihadmetwithnobreakinthesmoothsurfaceofthewall,socouldnothavereachedthesecondstory。WhenIshouldgettherethequestionwouldbewhethertoleavethestaircaseandseekhiminthemazesofitsgreatrooms,ortokeepondowntotheparlorfloorandsotothestreet,whitherhewaspossiblybound。IownthatIwasalmosttemptedtoturnonmylightandhavedonewithit,butIrememberedofhowlittleuseIshouldbetoyoulyinginthiswellofastairwaywithabulletinme,andsoImanagedtocomposemyselfandgoonasIhadbegun。Nextinstantmyfingersslippedroundtheedgeofanopening,andI
knewthatthemomentofdecisionhadcome。Realizingthatnoonecanmovesosoftlythathewillnotgiveawayhispresenceinsomeway,IpausedforthesoundwhichIknewmustcome,andwhenaclickrosefromthedepthsofthehallbeforemeIplungedintothathallandthusintothehouseproper。
\"Hereitwasnotsodark;yetIcouldmakeoutnoneoftheobjectsInowandthenranagainst。Ipassedamirror(IhardlyknowhowIknewittobesuch),andinthatmirrorIseemedtoseetheghostofaghostflitbyandvanish。Itwastoomuch。I
mutteredasuppressedoathandplungedforward,whenIstruckagainstaclosingdoor。ItflewopenagainandIrushedin,turningonmylightinmyextremedesperation,when,insteadofhearingthesharpreportofapistol,asIexpected,Isawaseconddoorfalltobeforeme,thistimewithasoundlikethesnapofaspringlock。Findingthatthiswasso,andthatalladvancewasbarredthatway,IwheeledhurriedlybacktowardthedoorbywhichIhadenteredtheplace,tofindthatthathadfallentosimultaneouslywiththeother,asinglespringactingforboth。Iwastrapped——aprisonerinthestrangestsortofpassagewayorcloset;and,asaspeedylookaboutpresentlyassuredme,aprisonerwithverylittlehopeofimmediateescape,forthedoorswerenotonlyimmovable,withoutevenlockstopickorpanelstobreakin,buttheplacewasbareofwindows,andtheonlycommunicationwhichitcouldbesaidtohavewiththeoutsideworldatallwasashaftrisingfromtheceilingalmosttothetopofthehouse。Whetherthisservedasaventilator,orameansoflightinguptheholewhenbothdoorswereshut,itwasmuchtooinaccessibletoofferanyapparentwayofescape。
\"Neverwasamanmorethoroughlyboxedin。AsIrealizedhowlittlechancetherewasofanyoutsideinterference,howmycaptor,evenifhewasseenleavingthehousebytheofficeronduty,wouldbetakenformyselfandsoallowedtoescape,IownthatIfeltmypositionahopelessone。Butangerisapowerfulstimulant,andIwasmortallyangry,notonlywithSears,butwithmyself。SowhenIwasdoneswearingItookanotherlookaround,and,findingthattherewasnogettingthroughthewalls,turnedmyattentionwhollytotheshaft,whichwouldcertainlyleadmeoutoftheplaceifIcouldonlyfindmeanstomountit。
\"AndhowdoyouthinkImanagedtodothisatlast?Alookatmybedraggled,lime-coveredclothesmaygiveyousomeidea。IcutapassageformyselfupthoseperpendicularwallsastheboydidupthefaceofthenaturalbridgeinVirginia。DoyourememberthatoldstoryintheReader?ItcametomelikeaninspirationasI
stoodlookingupfrombelow,andthoughIknewthatIshouldhavetoworkmostofthewayinperfectdarkness,Idecidedthataman’slifewasworthsomerisk,andthatIhadratherfallandbreakmyneckwhiledoingsomethingthantospendhoursinmaddeninginactivity,onlytofacedeathatlastfromslowstarvation。