notimetowatchthewindyshadowsskimminglightlyo\'ertheshallows，ortheglitteringsunbeamsflittinginandoutamongtheripples，orthegreattreesbythemarginlookingdownattheirownimage，orthewoodsallgreenandgolden，orthelilieswhiteandyellow，orthesombre-
wavingrushes，orthesedges，ortheorchis，ortheblueforget-me-nots。
Throwthelumberover，man！Letyourboatoflifebelight，packedwithonlywhatyouneed-ahomelyhomeandsimplepleasures，oneortwofriends，worththename，someonetoloveandsomeonetoloveyou，acat，adog，andapipeortwo，enoughtoeatandenoughtowear，andalittlemorethanenoughtodrink；forthirstisadangerousthing。
Youwillfindtheboateasiertopullthen，anditwillnotbesoliabletoupset，anditwillnotmattersomuchifitdoesupset；good，plainmerchandisewillstandwater。Youwillhavetimetothinkaswellastowork。Timetodrinkinlife\'ssunshine-timetolistentotheAEolianmusicthatthewindofGoddrawsfromthehumanheart-stringsaroundus-
timeto-
Ibegyourpardon，really。Iquiteforgot。
Well，weleftthelisttoGeorge，andhebeganit。
\"Wewon\'ttakeatent，suggestedGeorge；\"wewillhaveaboatwithacover。Itiseversomuchsimpler，andmorecomfortable。\"
Itseemedagoodthought，andweadoptedit。IdonotknowwhetheryouhaveeverseenthethingImean。Youfixironhoopsupovertheboat，andstretchahugecanvasoverthem，andfastenitdownallround，fromstemtostern，anditconvertstheboatintoasortoflittlehouse，anditisbeautifullycosy，thoughatriflestuffy；butthere，everythinghasitsdrawbacks，asthemansaidwhenhismother-in-lawdied，andtheycamedownuponhimforthefuneralexpenses。
Georgesaidthatinthatcasewemusttakearugeach，alamp，somesoap，abrushandcomb（betweenus），atoothbrush（each），abasin，sometooth-
powder，someshavingtackle（soundslikeaFrenchexercise，doesn\'tit？），andacoupleofbig-towelsforbathing。Inoticethatpeoplealwaysmakegiganticarrangementsforbathingwhentheyaregoinganywherenearthewater，butthattheydon\'tbathemuchwhentheyarethere。
Itisthesamewhenyougotothesea-side。Ialwaysdetermine-whenthinkingoverthematterinLondon-thatI\'llgetupearlyeverymorning，andgoandhaveadipbeforebreakfast，andIreligiouslypackupapairofdrawersandabathtowel。Ialwaysgetredbathingdrawers。
Iratherfancymyselfinreddrawers。Theysuitmycomplexionso。ButwhenIgettotheseaIdon\'tfeelsomehowthatIwantthatearlymorningbathenearlysomuchasIdidwhenIwasintown。
Onthecontrary，IfeelmorethatIwanttostopinbedtillthelastmoment，andthencomedownandhavemybreakfast。Onceortwicevirtuehastriumphed，andIhavegotoutatsixandhalf-dressedmyself，andhavetakenmydrawersandtowel，andstumbleddismallyoff。ButI
haven\'tenjoyedit。Theyseemtokeepaspeciallycuttingeastwind，waitingforme，whenIgotobatheintheearlymorning；andtheypickoutallthethree-corneredstones，andputthemonthetop，andtheysharpenuptherocksandcoverthepointsoverwithabitofsandsothatIcan\'tseethem，andtheytaketheseaandputittwomilesout，sothatIhavetohuddlemyselfupinmyarmsandhop，shivering，throughsixinchesofwater。AndwhenIdogettothesea，itisroughandquiteinsulting。
Onehugewavecatchesmeupandchucksmeinasittingposture，ashardaseveritcan，downontoarockwhichhasbeenputthereforme。And，beforeI\'vesaid\"Oh！Ugh！\"andfoundoutwhathasgone，thewavecomesbackandcarriesmeouttomid-ocean。Ibegintostrikeoutfranticallyfortheshore，andwonderifIshalleverseehomeandfriendsagain，andwishI\'dbeenkindertomylittlesisterwhenaboy（whenIwasaboy，I
mean）。JustwhenIhavegivenupallhope，awaveretiresandleavesmesprawlinglikeastar-fishonthesand，andIgetupandlookbackandfindthatI\'vebeenswimmingformylifeintwofeetofwater。Ihopbackanddress，andcrawlhome，whereIhavetopretendIlikedit。
Inthepresentinstance，wealltalkedasifweweregoingtohavealongswimeverymorning。
Georgesaiditwassopleasanttowakeupintheboatinthefreshmorning，andplungeintothelimpidriver。Harrissaidtherewasnothinglikeaswimbeforebreakfasttogiveyouanappetite。Hesaiditalwaysgavehimanappetite。GeorgesaidthatifitwasgoingtomakeHarriseatmorethanHarrisordinarilyate，thenheshouldprotestagainstHarrishavingabathatall。
HesaidtherewouldbequiteenoughhardworkintowingsufficientfoodforHarrisupagainststream，asitwas。
IurgeduponGeorge，however，howmuchpleasanteritwouldbetohaveHarriscleanandfreshabouttheboat，evenifwedidhavetotakeafewmorehundredweightofprovisions；andhegottoseeitinmylight，andwithdrewhisoppositiontoHarris\'sbath。
Agreed，finally，thatweshouldtakeTHREEbathtowels，soasnottokeepeachotherwaiting。
Forclothes，Georgesaidtwosuitsofflannelwouldbesufficient，aswecouldwashthemourselves，intheriver，whentheygotdirty。Weaskedhimifhehadevertriedwashingflannelsintheriver，andhereplied：
\"No，notexactlyhimselflike；butheknewsomefellowswhohad，anditwaseasyenough；\"andHarrisandIwereweakenoughtofancyheknewwhathewastalkingabout，andthatthreerespectableyoungmen，withoutpositionorinfluence，andwithnoexperienceinwashing，couldreallycleantheirownshirtsandtrousersintheriverThameswithabitofsoap。
Weweretolearninthedaystocome，whenitwastoolate，thatGeorgewasamiserableimpostor，whocouldevidentlyhaveknownnothingwhateveraboutthematter。Ifyouhadseentheseclothesafter-but，astheshillingshockerssay，weanticipate。
Georgeimpresseduponustotakeachangeofunder-thingsandplentyofsocks，incasewegotupsetandwantedachange；alsoplentyofhandkerchiefs，astheywoulddotowipethings，andapairofleatherbootsaswellasourboatingshoes，asweshouldwantthemifwegotupset。
CHAPTERIV。
THEFOODQUESTION-OBJECTIONSTOPARAFFINEOILASANATMOSPHERE-
ADVANTAGESOFCHEESEASATRAVELLINGCOMPANION-AMARRIEDWOMANDESERTS
HERHOME-FURTHERPROVISIONFORGETTINGUPSET-IPACK-CUSSEDNESS
OFTOOTH-BRUSHES-GEORGEANDHARRISPACK-AWFULBEHAVIOUROF
MONTMORENCY-WERETIRETOREST。
THENwediscussedthefoodquestion。Georgesaid：
\"Beginwithbreakfast。\"（Georgeissopractical。）\"Nowforbreakfastweshallwantafrying-pan\"-（Harrissaiditwasindigestible；butwemerelyurgedhimnottobeanass，andGeorgewenton）-\"atea-potandakettle，andamethylatedspiritstove。\"
\"Nooil，\"saidGeorge，withasignificantlook；andHarrisandIagreed。
Wehadtakenupanoil-stoveonce，but\"neveragain。\"Ithadbeenlikelivinginanoil-shopthatweek。Itoozed。Ineversawsuchathingasparaffineoilistoooze。Wekeptitinthenoseoftheboat，and，fromthere，itoozeddowntotherudder，impregnatingthewholeboatandeverythinginitonitsway，anditoozedovertheriver，andsaturatedthesceneryandspoilttheatmosphere。Sometimesawesterlyoilywindblew，andatothertimesaneasterlyoilywind，andsometimesitblewanortherlyoilywind，andmaybeasoutherlyoilywind；butwhetheritcamefromtheArcticsnows，orwasraisedinthewasteofthedesertsands，itcamealiketousladenwiththefragranceofparaffineoil。
Andthatoiloozedupandruinedthesunset；andasforthemoonbeams，theypositivelyreekedofparaffine。
WetriedtogetawayfromitatMarlow。Welefttheboatbythebridge，andtookawalkthroughthetowntoescapeit，butitfollowedus。Thewholetownwasfullofoil。Wepassedthroughthechurch-yard，anditseemedasifthepeoplehadbeenburiedinoil。TheHighStreetstunkofoil；wewonderedhowpeoplecouldliveinit。AndwewalkedmilesuponmilesoutBirminghamway；butitwasnouse，thecountrywassteepedinoil。
Attheendofthattripwemettogetheratmidnightinalonelyfield，underablastedoak，andtookanawfuloath（wehadbeenswearingforawholeweekaboutthethinginanordinary，middle-classway，butthiswasaswellaffair）-anawfuloathnevertotakeparaffineoilwithusinaboatagain-except，ofcourse，incaseofsickness。
Therefore，inthepresentinstance，weconfinedourselvestomethylatedspirit。Eventhatisbadenough。Yougetmethylatedpieandmethylatedcake。Butmethylatedspiritismorewholesomewhentakenintothesysteminlargequantitiesthanparaffineoil。
Forotherbreakfastthings，Georgesuggestedeggsandbacon，whichwereeasytocook，coldmeat，tea，breadandbutter，andjam。Forlunch，hesaid，wecouldhavebiscuits，coldmeat，breadandbutter，andjam-butNOCHEESE。Cheese，likeoil，makestoomuchofitself。Itwantsthewholeboattoitself。Itgoesthroughthehamper，andgivesacheesyflavourtoeverythingelsethere。Youcan\'ttellwhetheryouareeatingapple-pieorGermansausage，orstrawberriesandcream。Itallseemscheese。Thereistoomuchodouraboutcheese。
Irememberafriendofmine，buyingacoupleofcheesesatLiverpool。
Splendidcheesestheywere，ripeandmellow，andwithatwohundredhorse-powerscentaboutthemthatmighthavebeenwarrantedtocarrythreemiles，andknockamanoverattwohundredyards。IwasinLiverpoolatthetime，andmyfriendsaidthatifIdidn\'tmindhewouldgetmetotakethembackwithmetoLondon，asheshouldnotbecomingupforadayortwohimself，andhedidnotthinkthecheesesoughttobekeptmuchlonger。
\"Oh，withpleasure，dearboy，\"Ireplied，\"withpleasure。\"
Icalledforthecheeses，andtookthemawayinacab。Itwasaramshackleaffair，draggedalongbyaknock-kneed，broken-windedsomnambulist，whichhisowner，inamomentofenthusiasm，duringconversation，referredtoasahorse。Iputthecheesesonthetop，andwestartedoffatashamblethatwouldhavedonecredittotheswifteststeam-rollereverbuilt，andallwentmerryasafuneralbell，untilweturnedthecorner。There，thewindcarriedawhifffromthecheesesfullontooursteed。Itwokehimup，and，withasnortofterror，hedashedoffatthreemilesanhour。Thewindstillblewinhisdirection，andbeforewereachedtheendofthestreethewaslayinghimselfoutattherateofnearlyfourmilesanhour，leavingthecripplesandstoutoldladiessimplynowhere。
Ittooktwoportersaswellasthedrivertoholdhiminatthestation；
andIdonotthinktheywouldhavedoneit，eventhen，hadnotoneofthemenhadthepresenceofmindtoputahandkerchiefoverhisnose，andtolightabitofbrownpaper。
Itookmyticket，andmarchedproudlyuptheplatform，withmycheeses，thepeoplefallingbackrespectfullyoneitherside。Thetrainwascrowded，andIhadtogetintoacarriagewheretherewerealreadysevenotherpeople。Onecrustyoldgentlemanobjected，butIgotin，notwithstanding；and，puttingmycheesesupontherack，squeezeddownwithapleasantsmile，andsaiditwasawarmday。
Afewmomentspassed，andthentheoldgentlemanbegantofidget。
\"Verycloseinhere，\"hesaid。
\"Quiteoppressive，\"saidthemannexthim。
Andthentheybothbegansniffing，and，atthethirdsniff，theycaughtitrightonthechest，androseupwithoutanotherwordandwentout。
Andthenastoutladygotup，andsaiditwasdisgracefulthatarespectablemarriedwomanshouldbeharriedaboutinthisway，andgatheredupabagandeightparcelsandwent。Theremainingfourpassengerssatonforawhile，untilasolemn-lookingmaninthecorner，who，fromhisdressandgeneralappearance，seemedtobelongtotheundertakerclass，saiditputhiminmindofdeadbaby；andtheotherthreepassengerstriedtogetoutofthedooratthesametime，andhurtthemselves。
Ismiledattheblackgentleman，andsaidIthoughtweweregoingtohavethecarriagetoourselves；andhelaughedpleasantly，andsaidthatsomepeoplemadesuchafussoveralittlething。Butevenhegrewstrangelydepressedafterwehadstarted，andso，whenwereachedCrewe，Iaskedhimtocomeandhaveadrink。Heaccepted，andweforcedourwayintothebuffet，whereweyelled，andstamped，andwavedourumbrellasforaquarterofanhour；andthenayoungladycame，andaskedusifwewantedanything。
\"What\'syours？\"Isaid，turningtomyfriend。
\"I\'llhavehalf-a-crown\'sworthofbrandy，neat，ifyouplease，miss，\"heresponded。
Andhewentoffquietlyafterhehaddrunkitandgotintoanothercarriage，whichIthoughtmean。
FromCreweIhadthecompartmenttomyself，thoughthetrainwascrowded。
Aswedrewupatthedifferentstations，thepeople，seeingmyemptycarriage，wouldrushforit。\"Herey\'are，Maria；comealong，plentyofroom。\"\"Allright，Tom；we\'llgetinhere，\"theywouldshout。Andtheywouldrunalong，carryingheavybags，andfightroundthedoortogetinfirst。Andonewouldopenthedoorandmountthesteps，andstaggerbackintothearmsofthemanbehindhim；andtheywouldallcomeandhaveasniff，andthendroopoffandsqueezeintoothercarriages，orpaythedifferenceandgofirst。
FromEuston，Itookthecheesesdowntomyfriend\'shouse。Whenhiswifecameintotheroomshesmeltroundforaninstant。Thenshesaid：
\"Whatisit？Tellmetheworst。\"
Isaid：
\"It\'scheeses。TomboughttheminLiverpool，andaskedmetobringthemupwithme。\"
AndIaddedthatIhopedsheunderstoodthatithadnothingtodowithme；andshesaidthatshewassureofthat，butthatshewouldspeaktoTomaboutitwhenhecameback。
MyfriendwasdetainedinLiverpoollongerthanheexpected；and，threedayslater，ashehadn\'treturnedhome，hiswifecalledonme。Shesaid：
\"WhatdidTomsayaboutthosecheeses？\"
Irepliedthathehaddirectedtheyweretobekeptinamoistplace，andthatnobodywastotouchthem。
Shesaid：
\"Nobody\'slikelytotouchthem。Hadhesmeltthem？\"
Ithoughthehad，andaddedthatheseemedgreatlyattachedtothem。
\"Youthinkhewouldbeupset，\"shequeried，\"ifIgaveamanasovereigntotakethemawayandburythem？\"
IansweredthatIthoughthewouldneversmileagain。
Anideastruckher。Shesaid：
\"Doyoumindkeepingthemforhim？Letmesendthemroundtoyou。\"
\"Madam，\"Ireplied，\"formyselfIlikethesmellofcheese，andthejourneytheotherdaywiththemfromLiverpoolIshalleverlookbackuponasahappyendingtoapleasantholiday。But，inthisworld，wemustconsiderothers。TheladyunderwhoseroofIhavethehonourofresidingisawidow，and，forallIknow，possiblyanorphantoo。Shehasastrong，Imaysayaneloquent，objectiontobeingwhatsheterms`putupon。\'Thepresenceofyourhusband\'scheesesinherhouseshewould，Iinstinctivelyfeel，regardasa`putupon\'；anditshallneverbesaidthatIputuponthewidowandtheorphan。\"
\"Verywell，then，\"saidmyfriend\'swife，rising，\"allIhavetosayis，thatIshalltakethechildrenandgotoanhoteluntilthosecheesesareeaten。Ideclinetoliveanylongerinthesamehousewiththem。\"
Shekeptherword，leavingtheplaceinchargeofthecharwoman，who，whenaskedifshecouldstandthesmell，replied，\"Whatsmell？\"andwho，whentakenclosetothecheesesandtoldtosniffhard，saidshecoulddetectafaintodourofmelons。Itwasarguedfromthisthatlittleinjurycouldresulttothewomanfromtheatmosphere，andshewasleft。
Thehotelbillcametofifteenguineas；andmyfriend，afterreckoningeverythingup，foundthatthecheeseshadcosthimeight-and-sixpenceapound。Hesaidhedearlylovedabitofcheese，butitwasbeyondhismeans；sohedeterminedtogetridofthem。Hethrewthemintothecanal；buthadtofishthemoutagain，asthebargemencomplained。Theysaiditmadethemfeelquitefaint。And，afterthat，hetookthemonedarknightandleftthemintheparishmortuary。Butthecoronerdiscoveredthem，andmadeafearfulfuss。
Hesaiditwasaplottodeprivehimofhislivingbywakingupthecorpses。
Myfriendgotridofthem，atlast，bytakingthemdowntoasea-sidetown，andburyingthemonthebeach。Itgainedtheplacequiteareputation。Visitorssaidtheyhadnevernoticedbeforehowstrongtheairwas，andweak-chestedandconsumptivepeopleusedtothrongthereforyearsafterwards。
FondasIamofcheese，therefore，IholdthatGeorgewasrightindecliningtotakeany。
\"Weshan\'twantanytea，\"saidGeorge（Harris\'sfacefellatthis）；\"butwe\'llhaveagoodround，square，slap-upmealatseven-dinner，tea，andsuppercombined。\"
Harrisgrewmorecheerful。Georgesuggestedmeatandfruitpies，coldmeat，tomatoes，fruit，andgreenstuff。Fordrink，wetooksomewonderfulstickyconcoctionofHarris\'s，whichyoumixedwithwaterandcalledlemonade，plentyoftea，andabottleofwhisky，incase，asGeorgesaid，wegotupset。
ItseemedtomethatGeorgeharpedtoomuchonthegetting-upsetidea。
Itseemedtomethewrongspirittogoaboutthetripin。
ButI\'mgladwetookthewhisky。
Wedidn\'ttakebeerorwine。Theyareamistakeuptheriver。Theymakeyoufeelsleepyandheavy。Aglassintheeveningwhenyouaredoingamouchroundthetownandlookingatthegirlsisallrightenough；butdon\'tdrinkwhenthesunisblazingdownonyourhead，andyou\'vegothardworktodo。
Wemadealistofthethingstobetaken，andaprettylengthyoneitwas，beforewepartedthatevening。Thenextday，whichwasFriday，wegotthemalltogether，andmetintheeveningtopack。WegotabigGladstonefortheclothes，andacoupleofhampersforthevictualsandthecookingutensils。Wemovedthetableupagainstthewindow，piledeverythinginaheapinthemiddleofthefloor，andsatroundandlookedatit。
IsaidI\'dpack。
Iratherpridemyselfonmypacking。PackingisoneofthosemanythingsthatIfeelIknowmoreaboutthananyotherpersonliving。（Itsurprisesmemyself，sometimes，howmanyofthesesubjectsthereare。）I
impressedthefactuponGeorgeandHarris，andtoldthemthattheyhadbetterleavethewholematterentirelytome。Theyfellintothesuggestionwithareadinessthathadsomethinguncannyaboutit。Georgeputonapipeandspreadhimselfovertheeasy-chair，andHarriscockedhislegsonthetableandlitacigar。
ThiswashardlywhatIintended。WhatIhadmeant，ofcourse，was，thatIshouldbossthejob，andthatHarrisandGeorgeshouldpotteraboutundermydirections，Ipushingthemasideeverynowandthenwith，\"Oh，you-！\"\"Here，letmedoit。\"\"Thereyouare，simpleenough！\"-reallyteachingthem，asyoumightsay。Theirtakingitinthewaytheydidirritatedme。ThereisnothingdoesirritatememorethanseeingotherpeoplesittingaboutdoingnothingwhenI\'mworking。
Ilivedwithamanoncewhousedtomakememadthatway。Hewouldlollonthesofaandwatchmedoingthingsbythehourtogether，followingmeroundtheroomwithhiseyes，whereverIwent。Hesaiditdidhimrealgoodtolookonatme，messingabout。Hesaiditmadehimfeelthatlifewasnotanidledreamtobegapedandyawnedthrough，butanobletask，fullofdutyandsternwork。Hesaidheoftenwonderednowhowhecouldhavegoneonbeforehemetme，neverhavinganybodytolookatwhiletheyworked。
Now，I\'mnotlikethat。Ican\'tsitstillandseeanothermanslavingandworking。Iwanttogetupandsuperintend，andwalkroundwithmyhandsinmypockets，andtellhimwhattodo。Itismyenergeticnature。
Ican\'thelpit。
However，Ididnotsayanything，butstartedthepacking。ItseemedalongerjobthanIhadthoughtitwasgoingtobe；butIgotthebagfinishedatlast，andIsatonitandstrappedit。
\"Ain\'tyougoingtoputthebootsin？\"saidHarris。
AndIlookedround，andfoundIhadforgottenthem。That\'sjustlikeHarris。Hecouldn\'thavesaidaworduntilI\'dgotthebagshutandstrapped，ofcourse。AndGeorgelaughed-oneofthoseirritating，senseless，chuckle-headed，crack-jawedlaughsofhis。Theydomakemesowild。
Iopenedthebagandpackedthebootsin；andthen，justasIwasgoingtocloseit，ahorribleideaoccurredtome。HadIpackedmytooth-
brush？Idon\'tknowhowitis，butIneverdoknowwhetherI\'vepackedmytooth-brush。
Mytooth-brushisathingthathauntsmewhenI\'mtravelling，andmakesmylifeamisery。IdreamthatIhaven\'tpackedit，andwakeupinacoldperspiration，andgetoutofbedandhuntforit。And，inthemorning，IpackitbeforeIhaveusedit，andhavetounpackagaintogetit，anditisalwaysthelastthingIturnoutofthebag；andthenI
repackandforgetit，andhavetorushupstairsforitatthelastmomentandcarryittotherailwaystation，wrappedupinmypocket-
handkerchief。
OfcourseIhadtoturneverymortalthingoutnow，and，ofcourse，I
couldnotfindit。Irummagedthethingsupintomuchthesamestatethattheymusthavebeenbeforetheworldwascreated，andwhenchaosreigned。Ofcourse，IfoundGeorge\'sandHarris\'seighteentimesover，butIcouldn\'tfindmyown。Iputthethingsbackonebyone，andheldeverythingupandshookit。ThenIfounditinsideaboot。Irepackedoncemore。
WhenIhadfinished，Georgeaskedifthesoapwasin。IsaidIdidn\'tcareahangwhetherthesoapwasinorwhetheritwasn\'t；andIslammedthebagtoandstrappedit，andfoundthatIhadpackedmytobacco-pouchinit，andhadtore-openit。Itgotshutupfinallyat10。5p。m。，andthenthereremainedthehamperstodo。Harrissaidthatweshouldbewantingtostartinlessthantwelvehours\'time，andthoughtthatheandGeorgehadbetterdotherest；andIagreedandsatdown，andtheyhadago。
Theybeganinalight-heartedspirit，evidentlyintendingtoshowmehowtodoit。Imadenocomment；Ionlywaited。WhenGeorgeishanged，Harriswillbetheworstpackerinthisworld；andIlookedatthepilesofplatesandcups，andkettles，andbottlesandjars，andpies，andstoves，andcakes，andtomatoes，&c。，andfeltthatthethingwouldsoonbecomeexciting。
Itdid。Theystartedwithbreakingacup。Thatwasthefirstthingtheydid。TheydidthatjusttoshowyouwhattheyCOULDdo，andtogetyouinterested。
ThenHarrispackedthestrawberryjamontopofatomatoandsquashedit，andtheyhadtopickoutthetomatowithateaspoon。
AndthenitwasGeorge\'sturn，andhetrodonthebutter。Ididn\'tsayanything，butIcameoverandsatontheedgeofthetableandwatchedthem。ItirritatedthemmorethananythingIcouldhavesaid。Ifeltthat。Itmadethemnervousandexcited，andtheysteppedonthings，andputthingsbehindthem，andthencouldn\'tfindthemwhentheywantedthem；andtheypackedthepiesatthebottom，andputheavythingsontop，andsmashedthepiesin。
Theyupsetsaltovereverything，andasforthebutter！Ineversawtwomendomorewithone-and-twopenceworthofbutterinmywholelifethantheydid。AfterGeorgehadgotitoffhisslipper，theytriedtoputitinthekettle。Itwouldn\'tgoin，andwhatWASinwouldn\'tcomeout。
Theydidscrapeitoutatlast，andputitdownonachair，andHarrissatonit，anditstucktohim，andtheywentlookingforitallovertheroom。
\"I\'lltakemyoathIputitdownonthatchair，\"saidGeorge，staringattheemptyseat。
\"Isawyoudoitmyself，notaminuteago，\"saidHarris。
Thentheystartedroundtheroomagainlookingforit；andthentheymetagaininthecentre，andstaredatoneanother。
\"MostextraordinarythingIeverheardof，\"saidGeorge。
\"Somysterious！\"saidHarris。
ThenGeorgegotroundatthebackofHarrisandsawit。
\"Why，hereitisallthetime，\"heexclaimed，indignantly。
\"Where？\"criedHarris，spinninground。
\"Standstill，can\'tyou！\"roaredGeorge，flyingafterhim。
Andtheygotitoff，andpackeditintheteapot。
Montmorencywasinitall，ofcourse。Montmorency\'sambitioninlife，istogetinthewayandbeswornat。Ifhecansquirminanywherewhereheparticularlyisnotwanted，andbeaperfectnuisance，andmakepeoplemad，andhavethingsthrownathishead，thenhefeelshisdayhasnotbeenwasted。
Togetsomebodytostumbleoverhim，andcursehimsteadilyforanhour，ishishighestaimandobject；and，whenhehassucceededinaccomplishingthis，hisconceitbecomesquiteunbearable。
Hecameandsatdownonthings，justwhentheywerewantedtobepacked；
andhelabouredunderthefixedbeliefthat，wheneverHarrisorGeorgereachedouttheirhandforanything，itwashiscold，dampnosethattheywanted。Heputhislegintothejam，andheworriedtheteaspoons，andhepretendedthatthelemonswererats，andgotintothehamperandkilledthreeofthembeforeHarriscouldlandhimwiththefrying-pan。
HarrissaidIencouragedhim。Ididn\'tencouragehim。Adoglikethatdon\'twantanyencouragement。It\'sthenatural，originalsinthatisborninhimthatmakeshimdothingslikethat。
Thepackingwasdoneat12。50；andHarrissatonthebighamper，andsaidhehopednothingwouldbefoundbroken。Georgesaidthatifanythingwasbrokenitwasbroken，whichreflectionseemedtocomforthim。Healsosaidhewasreadyforbed。
Wewereallreadyforbed。Harriswastosleepwithusthatnight，andwewentupstairs。
Wetossedforbeds，andHarrishadtosleepwithme。Hesaid：
\"Doyouprefertheinsideortheoutside，J。？\"
IsaidIgenerallypreferredtosleepINSIDEabed。
Harrissaiditwasold。
Georgesaid：
\"WhattimeshallIwakeyoufellows？\"
Harrissaid：
\"Seven。\"
Isaid：
\"No-six，\"becauseIwantedtowritesomeletters。
HarrisandIhadabitofarowoverit，butatlastsplitthedifference，andsaidhalf-pastsix。
\"Wakeusat6。30，George，\"wesaid。
Georgemadenoanswer，andwefound，ongoingover，thathehadbeenasleepforsometime；soweplacedthebathwherehecouldtumbleintoitongettingoutinthemorning，andwenttobedourselves。
CHAPTERV。
MRS。P。AROUSESUS-GEORGE，THESLUGGARD-THE\"WEATHERFORECAST\"
SWINDLE-OURLUGGAGE-DEPRAVITYOFTHESMALLBOY-THEPEOPLEGATHER
ROUNDUS-WEDRIVEOFFINGREATSTYLE，ANDARRIVEATWATERLOO-
INNOCENCEOFSOUTHWESTERNOFFICIALSCONCERNINGSUCHWORLDLYTHINGSAS
TRAINS-WEAREAFLOAT，AFLOATINANOPENBOAT。
ITwasMrs。Poppetsthatwokemeupnextmorning。
Shesaid：
\"Doyouknowthatit\'snearlynineo\'clock，sir？\"
\"Nineo\'what？\"Icried，startingup。
\"Nineo\'clock，\"shereplied，throughthekeyhole。\"Ithoughtyouwasa-
oversleepingyourselves。\"
IwokeHarris，andtoldhim。Hesaid：
\"Ithoughtyouwantedtogetupatsix？\"
\"SoIdid，\"Ianswered；\"whydidn\'tyouwakeme？\"
\"HowcouldIwakeyou，whenyoudidn\'twakeme？\"heretorted。\"Nowweshan\'tgetonthewatertillaftertwelve。Iwonderyoutakethetroubletogetupatall。\"
\"Um，\"Ireplied，\"luckyforyouthatIdo。IfIhadn\'twokeyou，you\'dhavelainthereforthewholefortnight。\"
Wesnarledatoneanotherinthisstrainforthenextfewminutes，whenwewereinterruptedbyadefiantsnorefromGeorge。
Itremindedus，forthefirsttimesinceourbeingcalled，ofhisexistence。
Therehelay-themanwhohadwantedtoknowwhattimeheshouldwakeus-onhisback，withhismouthwideopen，andhiskneesstuckup。
Idon\'tknowwhyitshouldbe，Iamsure；butthesightofanothermanasleepinbedwhenIamup，maddensme。Itseemstomesoshockingtoseetheprecioushoursofaman\'slife-thepricelessmomentsthatwillnevercomebacktohimagain-beingwastedinmerebrutishsleep。
TherewasGeorge，throwingawayinhideoussloththeinestimablegiftoftime；hisvaluablelife，everysecondofwhichhewouldhavetoaccountforhereafter，passingawayfromhim，unused。Hemighthavebeenupstuffinghimselfwitheggsandbacon，irritatingthedog，orflirtingwiththeslavey，insteadofsprawlingthere，sunkinsoul-cloggingoblivion。
Itwasaterriblethought。HarrisandIappearedtobestruckbyitatthesameinstant。Wedeterminedtosavehim，and，inthisnobleresolve，ourowndisputewasforgotten。Weflewacrossandslungtheclothesoffhim，andHarrislandedhimonewithaslipper，andIshoutedinhisear，andheawoke。
\"Wasermarrer？\"heobserved，sittingup。
\"Getup，youfat-headedchunk！\"roaredHarris。\"It\'squartertoten。\"
\"What！\"heshrieked，jumpingoutofbedintothebath；\"Whothethunderputthisthinghere？\"
Wetoldhimhemusthavebeenafoolnottoseethebath。
Wefinisheddressing，and，whenitcametotheextras，werememberedthatwehadpackedthetooth-brushesandthebrushandcomb（thattooth-brushofminewillbethedeathofme，Iknow），andwehadtogodownstairs，andfishthemoutofthebag。AndwhenwehaddonethatGeorgewantedtheshavingtackle。Wetoldhimthathewouldhavetogowithoutshavingthatmorning，asweweren\'tgoingtounpackthatbagagainforhim，norforanyonelikehim。
Hesaid：
\"Don\'tbeabsurd。HowcanIgointotheCitylikethis？\"
ItwascertainlyratherroughontheCity，butwhatcaredweforhumansuffering？AsHarrissaid，inhiscommon，vulgarway，theCitywouldhavetolumpit。
Wewentdownstairstobreakfast。Montmorencyhadinvitedtwootherdogstocomeandseehimoff，andtheywerewhilingawaythetimebyfightingonthedoorstep。Wecalmedthemwithanumbrella，andsatdowntochopsandcoldbeef。
Harrissaid：
\"Thegreatthingistomakeagoodbreakfast，\"andhestartedwithacoupleofchops，sayingthathewouldtakethesewhiletheywerehot，asthebeefcouldwait。
Georgegotholdofthepaper，andreadusouttheboatingfatalities，andtheweatherforecast，whichlatterprophesied\"rain，cold，wettofine\"
（whatevermorethanusuallyghastlythinginweatherthatmaybe），\"occasionallocalthunder-storms，eastwind，withgeneraldepressionovertheMidlandCounties（LondonandChannel）。Bar。falling。\"
Idothinkthat，ofallthesilly，irritatingtomfoolishnessbywhichweareplagued，this\"weather-forecast\"fraudisaboutthemostaggravating。
It\"forecasts\"preciselywhathappenedyesterdayorathedaybefore，andpreciselytheoppositeofwhatisgoingtohappento-day。
Irememberaholidayofminebeingcompletelyruinedonelateautumnbyourpayingattentiontotheweatherreportofthelocalnewspaper。
\"Heavyshowers，withthunderstorms，maybeexpectedto-day，\"itwouldsayonMonday，andsowewouldgiveupourpicnic，andstopindoorsallday，waitingfortherain-Andpeoplewouldpassthehouse，goingoffinwagonettesandcoachesasjollyandmerryascouldbe，thesunshiningout，andnotacloudtobeseen。
\"Ah！\"wesaid，aswestoodlookingoutatthemthroughthewindow，\"won\'ttheycomehomesoaked！\"
Andwechuckledtothinkhowwettheyweregoingtoget，andcamebackandstirredthefire，andgotourbooks，andarrangedourspecimensofseaweedandcockleshells。Bytwelveo\'clock，withthesunpouringintotheroom，theheatbecamequiteoppressive，andwewonderedwhenthoseheavyshowersandoccasionalthunderstormsweregoingtobegin。
\"Ah！they\'llcomeintheafternoon，you\'llfind，\"wesaidtoeachother。
\"Oh，WON\'Tthosepeoplegetwet。Whatalark！\"
Atoneo\'clock，thelandladywouldcomeintoaskifweweren\'tgoingout，asitseemedsuchalovelyday。
\"No，no，\"wereplied，withaknowingchuckle，\"notwe。WEdon\'tmeantogetwet-no，no。\"
Andwhentheafternoonwasnearlygone，andstilltherewasnosignofrain，wetriedtocheerourselvesupwiththeideathatitwouldcomedownallatonce，justasthepeoplehadstartedforhome，andwereoutofthereachofanyshelter，andthattheywouldthusgetmoredrenchedthanever。Butnotadropeverfell，anditfinishedagrandday，andalovelynightafterit。
Thenextmorningwewouldreadthatitwasgoingtobea\"warm，finetoset-fairday；muchheat；\"andwewoulddressourselvesinflimsythings，andgoout，and，half-an-hourafterwehadstarted，itwouldcommencetorainhard，andabitterlycoldwindwouldspringup，andbothwouldkeeponsteadilyforthewholeday，andwewouldcomehomewithcoldsandrheumatismalloverus，andgotobed。
Theweatherisathingthatisbeyondmealtogether。Inevercanunderstandit。Thebarometerisuseless：itisasmisleadingasthenewspaperforecast。
TherewasonehangingupinahotelatOxfordatwhichIwasstayinglastspring，and，whenIgotthere，itwaspointingto\"setfair。\"Itwassimplypouringwithrainoutside，andhadbeenallday；andIcouldn\'tquitemakemattersout。Itappedthebarometer，anditjumpedupandpointedto\"verydry。\"TheBootsstoppedashewaspassing，andsaidheexpecteditmeantto-morrow。Ifanciedthatmaybeitwasthinkingoftheweekbeforelast，butBootssaid，No，hethoughtnot。
Itappeditagainthenextmorning，anditwentupstillhigher，andtheraincamedownfasterthanever。OnWednesdayIwentandhititagain，andthepointerwentroundtowards\"setfair，\"\"verydry，\"and\"muchheat，\"untilitwasstoppedbythepeg，andcouldn\'tgoanyfurther。Ittrieditsbest，buttheinstrumentwasbuiltsothatitcouldn\'tprophesyfineweatheranyharderthanitdidwithoutbreakingitself。Itevidentlywantedtogoon，andprognosticatedrought，andwaterfamine，andsunstroke，andsimooms，andsuchthings，butthepegpreventedit，andithadtobecontentwithpointingtothemerecommonplace\"verydry。\"
Meanwhile，theraincamedowninasteadytorrent，andthelowerpartofthetownwasunderwater，owingtotheriverhavingoverflowed。
BootssaiditwasevidentthatweweregoingtohaveaprolongedspellofgrandweatherSOMETIME，andreadoutapoemwhichwasprintedoverthetopoftheoracle，about\"Longforetold，longlast；
Shortnotice，soonpast。\"
Thefineweathernevercamethatsummer。Iexpectthatmachinemusthavebeenreferringtothefollowingspring。
Thentherearethosenewstyleofbarometers，thelongstraightones。I
nevercanmakeheadortailofthose。Thereisonesidefor10a。m。
yesterday，andonesidefor10a。m。to-day；butyoucan\'talwaysgetthereasearlyasten，youknow。Itrisesorfallsforrainandfine，withmuchorlesswind，andoneendis\"Nly\"andtheother\"Ely\"（what\'sElygottodowithit？），andifyoutapit，itdoesn\'ttellyouanything。
Andyou\'vegottocorrectittosea-level，andreduceittoFahrenheit，andeventhenIdon\'tknowtheanswer。
Butwhowantstobeforetoldtheweather？Itisbadenoughwhenitcomes，withoutourhavingthemiseryofknowingaboutitbeforehand。Theprophetwelikeistheoldmanwho，ontheparticularlygloomy-lookingmorningofsomedaywhenweparticularlywantittobefine，looksroundthehorizonwithaparticularlyknowingeye，andsays：
\"Ohno，sir，Ithinkitwillclearupallright。Itwillbreakallrightenough，sir。\"
\"Ah，heknows\"，wesay，aswewishhimgood-morning，andstartoff；
\"wonderfulhowtheseoldfellowscantell！\"
AndwefeelanaffectionforthatmanwhichisnotatalllessenedbythecircumstancesofitsNOTclearingup，butcontinuingtorainsteadilyallday。
\"Ah，well，\"wefeel，\"hedidhisbest。\"
Forthemanthatprophesiesusbadweather，onthecontrary，weentertainonlybitterandrevengefulthoughts。
\"Goingtoclearup，d\'yethink？\"weshout，cheerily，aswepass。
\"Well，no，sir；I\'mafraidit\'ssettleddownfortheday，\"hereplies，shakinghishead。
\"Stupidoldfool！\"wemutter，\"what\'sHEknowaboutit？\"And，ifhisportentprovescorrect，wecomebackfeelingstillmoreangryagainsthim，andwithavaguenotionthat，somehoworother，hehashadsomethingtodowithit。
ItwastoobrightandsunnyonthisespecialmorningforGeorge\'sblood-
curdlingreadingsabout\"Bar。falling，\"\"atmosphericdisturbance，passinginanobliquelineoverSouthernEurope，\"and\"pressureincreasing，\"toverymuchupsetus：andso，findingthathecouldnotmakeuswretched，andwasonlywastinghistime，hesneakedthecigarettethatIhadcarefullyrolledupformyself，andwent。
ThenHarrisandI，havingfinishedupthefewthingsleftonthetable，cartedoutourluggageontothedoorstep，andwaitedforacab。
Thereseemedagooddealofluggage，whenweputitalltogether。TherewastheGladstoneandthesmallhand-bag，andthetwohampers，andalargerollofrugs，andsomefourorfiveovercoatsandmacintoshes，andafewumbrellas，andthentherewasamelonbyitselfinabag，becauseitwastoobulkytogoinanywhere，andacoupleofpoundsofgrapesinanotherbag，andaJapanesepaperumbrella，andafryingpan，which，beingtoolongtopack，wehadwrappedroundwithbrownpaper。
Itdidlookalot，andHarrisandIbegantofeelratherashamedofit，thoughwhyweshouldbe，Ican\'tsee。Nocabcameby，butthestreetboysdid，andgotinterestedintheshow，apparently，andstopped。
Biggs\'sboywasthefirsttocomeround。Biggsisourgreengrocer，andhischieftalentliesinsecuringtheservicesofthemostabandonedandunprinciplederrand-boysthatcivilisationhasasyetproduced。Ifanythingmorethanusuallyvillainousintheboy-linecropsupinourneighbourhood，weknowthatitisBiggs\'slatest。Iwastoldthat，atthetimeoftheGreatCoramStreetmurder，itwaspromptlyconcludedbyourstreetthatBiggs\'sboy（forthatperiod）wasatthebottomofit，andhadhenotbeenable，inreplytotheseverecross-examinationtowhichhewassubjectedbyNo。19，whenhecalledthereforordersthemorningafterthecrime（assistedbyNo。21，whohappenedtobeonthestepatthetime），toproveacompleteALIBI，itwouldhavegonehardwithhim。Ididn\'tknowBiggs\'sboyatthattime，but，fromwhatIhaveseenofthemsince，IshouldnothaveattachedmuchimportancetothatALIBImyself。
Biggs\'sboy，asIhavesaid，cameroundthecorner。Hewasevidentlyinagreathurrywhenhefirstdawneduponthevision，but，oncatchingsightofHarrisandme，andMontmorency，andthethings，heeasedupandstared。HarrisandIfrownedathim。Thismighthavewoundedamoresensitivenature，butBiggs\'sboysarenot，asarule，touchy。Hecametoadeadstop，ayardfromourstep，and，leaningupagainsttherailings，andselectingastrawtochew，fixeduswithhiseye。Heevidentlymeanttoseethisthingout。
Inanothermoment，thegrocer\'sboypassedontheoppositesideofthestreet。Biggs\'sboyhailedhim：
\"Hi！groundflooro\'42\'sa-moving。\"
Thegrocer\'sboycameacross，andtookupapositionontheothersideofthestep。Thentheyounggentlemanfromtheboot-shopstopped，andjoinedBiggs\'sboy；whiletheempty-cansuperintendentfrom\"TheBluePosts\"tookupanindependentpositiononthecurb。
\"Theyain\'ta-goingtostarve，arethey？\"saidthegentlemanfromtheboot-shop。
\"Ah！you\'dwanttotakeathingortwowithYOU，\"retorted\"TheBluePosts，\"\"ifyouwasa-goingtocrosstheAtlanticinasmallboat。\"
\"Theyain\'ta-goingtocrosstheAtlantic，\"struckinBiggs\'sboy；
\"they\'rea-goingtofindStanley。\"
Bythistime，quiteasmallcrowdhadcollected，andpeoplewereaskingeachotherwhatwasthematter。Oneparty（theyoungandgiddyportionofthecrowd）heldthatitwasawedding，andpointedoutHarrisasthebridegroom；whiletheelderandmorethoughtfulamongthepopulaceinclinedtotheideathatitwasafuneral，andthatIwasprobablythecorpse\'sbrother。
Atlast，anemptycabturnedup（itisastreetwhere，asarule，andwhentheyarenotwanted，emptycabspassattherateofthreeaminute，andhangabout，andgetinyourway），andpackingourselvesandourbelongingsintoit，andshootingoutacoupleofMontmorency\'sfriends，whohadevidentlyswornnevertoforsakehim，wedroveawayamidstthecheersofthecrowd，Biggs\'sboyshyingacarrotafterusforluck。
WegottoWaterlooateleven，andaskedwheretheeleven-fivestartedfrom。Ofcoursenobodyknew；nobodyatWaterlooeverdoesknowwhereatrainisgoingtostartfrom，orwhereatrainwhenitdoesstartisgoingto，oranythingaboutit。Theporterwhotookourthingsthoughtitwouldgofromnumbertwoplatform，whileanotherporter，withwhomhediscussedthequestion，hadheardarumourthatitwouldgofromnumberone。Thestation-master，ontheotherhand，wasconvinceditwouldstartfromthelocal。
Toputanendtothematter，wewentupstairs，andaskedthetrafficsuperintendent，andhetoldusthathehadjustmetaman，whosaidhehadseenitatnumberthreeplatform。Wewenttonumberthreeplatform，buttheauthoritiestheresaidthattheyratherthoughtthattrainwastheSouthamptonexpress，orelsetheWindsorloop。Buttheyweresureitwasn\'ttheKingstontrain，thoughwhytheyweresureitwasn\'ttheycouldn\'tsay。
Thenourportersaidhethoughtthatmustbeitonthehigh-levelplatform；saidhethoughtheknewthetrain。Sowewenttothehigh-
