第3章

类别:其他 作者:Jerome K. Jerome字数:19212更新时间:19/01/05 09:42:16
levelplatform,andsawtheengine-driver,andaskedhimifhewasgoingtoKingston。Hesaidhecouldn\'tsayforcertainofcourse,butthatheratherthoughthewas。Anyhow,ifhewasn\'tthe11。5forKingston,hesaidhewasprettyconfidenthewasthe9。32forVirginiaWater,orthe10a。m。expressfortheIsleofWight,orsomewhereinthatdirection,andweshouldallknowwhenwegotthere。Weslippedhalf-a-crownintohishand,andbeggedhimtobethe11。5forKingston。 \"Nobodywilleverknow,onthisline,\"wesaid,\"whatyouare,orwhereyou\'regoing。Youknowtheway,youslipoffquietlyandgotoKingston。\" \"Well,Idon\'tknow,gents,\"repliedthenoblefellow,\"butIsupposeSOMEtrain\'sgottogotoKingston;andI\'lldoit。Gimmethehalf- crown。\" ThuswegottoKingstonbytheLondonandSouth-WesternRailway。 Welearnt,afterwards,thatthetrainwehadcomebywasreallytheExetermail,andthattheyhadspenthoursatWaterloo,lookingforit,andnobodyknewwhathadbecomeofit。 OurboatwaswaitingforusatKingstonjustbelowbridge,andtoitwewendedourway,androunditwestoredourluggage,andintoitwestepped。 \"Areyouallright,sir?\"saidtheman。 \"Rightitis,\"weanswered;andwithHarrisatthescullsandIatthetiller-lines,andMontmorency,unhappyanddeeplysuspicious,intheprow,outweshotontothewaterswhich,forafortnight,weretobeourhome。 CHAPTERVI。 KINGSTON-INSTRUCTIVEREMARKSONEARLYENGLISHHISTORY-INSTRUCTIVE OBSERVATIONSONCARVEDOAKANDLIFEINGENERAL-SADCASEOFSTIVVINGS,JUNIOR-MUSINGSONANTIQUITY-IFORGETTHATIAMSTEERING- INTERESTINGRESULT-HAMPTONCOURTMAZE-HARRISASAGUIDE。 ITwasagloriousmorning,latespringorearlysummer,asyoucaretotakeit,whenthedaintysheenofgrassandleafisblushingtoadeepergreen;andtheyearseemslikeafairyoungmaid,tremblingwithstrange,wakeningpulsesonthebrinkofwomanhood。 ThequaintbackstreetsofKingston,wheretheycamedowntothewater\'sedge,lookedquitepicturesqueintheflashingsunlight,theglintingriverwithitsdriftingbarges,thewoodedtowpath,thetrim-keptvillasontheotherside,Harris,inaredandorangeblazer,gruntingawayatthesculls,thedistantglimpsesofthegreyoldpalaceoftheTudors,allmadeasunnypicture,sobrightbutcalm,sofulloflife,andyetsopeaceful,that,earlyinthedaythoughitwas,Ifeltmyselfbeingdreamilylulledoffintoamusingfit。 ImusedonKingston,or\"Kyningestun,\"asitwasoncecalledinthedayswhenSaxon\"kinges\"werecrownedthere。GreatCaesarcrossedtheriverthere,andtheRomanlegionscampeduponitsslopinguplands。Caesar,like,inlateryears,Elizabeth,seemstohavestoppedeverywhere:onlyhewasmorerespectablethangoodQueenBess;hedidn\'tputupatthepublic-houses。 Shewasnutsonpublic-houses,wasEngland\'sVirginQueen。There\'sscarcelyapub。ofanyattractionswithintenmilesofLondonthatshedoesnotseemtohavelookedinat,orstoppedat,orsleptat,sometimeorother。Iwondernow,supposingHarris,say,turnedoveranewleaf,andbecameagreatandgoodman,andgottobePrimeMinister,anddied,iftheywouldputupsignsoverthepublic-housesthathehadpatronised: \"Harrishadaglassofbitterinthishouse;\"\"HarrishadtwoofScotchcoldhereinthesummerof`88;\"\"HarriswaschuckedfromhereinDecember,1886。\" No,therewouldbetoomanyofthem!Itwouldbethehousesthathehadneverenteredthatwouldbecomefamous。\"OnlyhouseinSouthLondonthatHarrisneverhadadrinkin!\"Thepeoplewouldflocktoittoseewhatcouldhavebeenthematterwithit。 Howpoorweak-mindedKingEdwymusthavehatedKyningestun!Thecoronationfeasthadbeentoomuchforhim。Maybeboar\'sheadstuffedwithsugar-plumsdidnotagreewithhim(itwouldn\'twithme,Iknow),andhehadhadenoughofsackandmead;soheslippedfromthenoisyreveltostealaquietmoonlighthourwithhisbelovedElgiva。 Perhaps,fromthecasement,standinghand-in-hand,theywerewatchingthecalmmoonlightontheriver,whilefromthedistanthallstheboisterousrevelryfloatedinbrokenburstsoffaint-hearddinandtumult。 ThenbrutalOdoandSt。Dunstanforcetheirrudewayintothequietroom,andhurlcoarseinsultsatthesweet-facedQueen,anddragpoorEdwybacktotheloudclamourofthedrunkenbrawl。 Yearslater,tothecrashofbattle-music,SaxonkingsandSaxonrevelrywereburiedsidebyside,andKingston\'sgreatnesspassedawayforatime,toriseoncemorewhenHamptonCourtbecamethepalaceoftheTudorsandtheStuarts,andtheroyalbargesstrainedattheirmooringsontheriver\'sbank,andbright-cloakedgallantsswaggereddownthewater-stepstocry:\"WhatFerry,ho!Gadzooks,gramercy。\" Manyoftheoldhouses,roundabout,speakveryplainlyofthosedayswhenKingstonwasaroyalborough,andnoblesandcourtierslivedthere,neartheirKing,andthelongroadtothepalacegateswasgayalldaywithclankingsteelandprancingpalfreys,andrustlingsilksandvelvets,andfairfaces。Thelargeandspacioushouses,withtheiroriel,latticedwindows,theirhugefireplaces,andtheirgabledroofs,breatheofthedaysofhoseanddoublet,ofpearl-embroideredstomachers,andcomplicatedoaths。Theywereupraisedinthedays\"whenmenknewhowtobuild。\"Thehardredbrickshaveonlygrownmorefirmlysetwithtime,andtheiroakstairsdonotcreakandgruntwhenyoutrytogodownthemquietly。 SpeakingofoakstaircasesremindsmethatthereisamagnificentcarvedoakstaircaseinoneofthehousesinKingston。Itisashopnow,inthemarket-place,butitwasevidentlyoncethemansionofsomegreatpersonage。Afriendofmine,wholivesatKingston,wentintheretobuyahatoneday,and,inathoughtlessmoment,puthishandinhispocketandpaidforitthenandthere。 Theshopman(heknowsmyfriend)wasnaturallyalittlestaggeredatfirst;but,quicklyrecoveringhimself,andfeelingthatsomethingoughttobedonetoencouragethissortofthing,askedourheroifhewouldliketoseesomefineoldcarvedoak。Myfriendsaidhewould,andtheshopman,thereupon,tookhimthroughtheshop,andupthestaircaseofthehouse。Thebalusterswereasuperbpieceofworkmanship,andthewallallthewayupwasoak-panelled,withcarvingthatwouldhavedonecredittoapalace。 Fromthestairs,theywentintothedrawing-room,whichwasalarge,brightroom,decoratedwithasomewhatstartlingthoughcheerfulpaperofablueground。Therewasnothing,however,remarkableabouttheapartment,andmyfriendwonderedwhyhehadbeenbroughtthere。Theproprietorwentuptothepaper,andtappedit。Itgaveforthawoodensound。 \"Oak,\"heexplained。\"Allcarvedoak,rightuptotheceiling,justthesameasyousawonthestaircase。\" \"But,greatCaesar!man,\"expostulatedmyfriend;\"youdon\'tmeantosayyouhavecoveredovercarvedoakwithbluewall-paper?\" \"Yes,\"wasthereply:\"itwasexpensivework。Hadtomatch-boarditalloverfirst,ofcourse。Buttheroomlookscheerfulnow。Itwasawfulgloomybefore。\" Ican\'tsayIaltogetherblametheman(whichisdoubtlessagreatrelieftohismind)。Fromhispointofview,whichwouldbethatoftheaveragehouseholder,desiringtotakelifeaslightlyaspossible,andnotthatoftheold-curiosity-shopmaniac,thereisreasononhisside。Carvedoakisverypleasanttolookat,andtohavealittleof,butitisnodoubtsomewhatdepressingtolivein,forthosewhosefancydoesnotliethatway。Itwouldbelikelivinginachurch。 No,whatwassadinhiscasewasthathe,whodidn\'tcareforcarvedoak,shouldhavehisdrawing-roompanelledwithit,whilepeoplewhodocareforithavetopayenormouspricestogetit。Itseemstobetheruleofthisworld。Eachpersonhaswhathedoesn\'twant,andotherpeoplehavewhathedoeswant。 Marriedmenhavewives,anddon\'tseemtowantthem;andyoungsinglefellowscryoutthattheycan\'tgetthem。Poorpeoplewhocanhardlykeepthemselveshaveeightheartychildren。Richoldcouples,withnoonetoleavetheirmoneyto,diechildless。 Thentherearegirlswithlovers。Thegirlsthathaveloversneverwantthem。Theysaytheywouldratherbewithoutthem,thattheybotherthem,andwhydon\'ttheygoandmakelovetoMissSmithandMissBrown,whoareplainandelderly,andhaven\'tgotanylovers?Theythemselvesdon\'twantlovers。Theynevermeantomarry。 Itdoesnotdotodwellonthesethings;itmakesonesosad。 Therewasaboyatourschool,weusedtocallhimSandfordandMerton。 HisrealnamewasStivvings。HewasthemostextraordinaryladIevercameacross。Ibelievehereallylikedstudy。HeusedtogetintoawfulrowsforsittingupinbedandreadingGreek;andasforFrenchirregularverbstherewassimplynokeepinghimawayfromthem。Hewasfullofweirdandunnaturalnotionsaboutbeingacredittohisparentsandanhonourtotheschool;andheyearnedtowinprizes,andgrowupandbeacleverman,andhadallthosesortsofweak-mindedideas。Ineverknewsuchastrangecreature,yetharmless,mindyou,asthebabeunborn。 Well,thatboyusedtogetillabouttwiceaweek,sothathecouldn\'tgotoschool。ThereneverwassuchaboytogetillasthatSandfordandMerton。Iftherewasanyknowndiseasegoingwithintenmilesofhim,hehadit,andhaditbadly。Hewouldtakebronchitisinthedog-days,andhavehay-feveratChristmas。Afterasixweeks\'periodofdrought,hewouldbestrickendownwithrheumaticfever;andhewouldgooutinaNovemberfogandcomehomewithasunstroke。 Theyputhimunderlaughing-gasoneyear,poorlad,anddrewallhisteeth,andgavehimafalseset,becausehesufferedsoterriblywithtoothache;andthenitturnedtoneuralgiaandear-ache。Hewasneverwithoutacold,exceptoncefornineweekswhilehehadscarletfever; andhealwayshadchilblains。Duringthegreatcholerascareof1871,ourneighbourhoodwassingularlyfreefromit。Therewasonlyonereputedcaseinthewholeparish:thatcasewasyoungStivvings。 Hehadtostopinbedwhenhewasill,andeatchickenandcustardsandhot-housegrapes;andhewouldliethereandsob,becausetheywouldn\'tlethimdoLatinexercises,andtookhisGermangrammarawayfromhim。 Andweotherboys,whowouldhavesacrificedtentermsofourschool-lifeforthesakeofbeingillforaday,andhadnodesirewhatevertogiveourparentsanyexcuseforbeingstuck-upaboutus,couldn\'tcatchsomuchasastiffneck。Wefooledaboutindraughts,anditdidusgood,andfreshenedusup;andwetookthingstomakeussick,andtheymadeusfat,andgaveusanappetite。Nothingwecouldthinkofseemedtomakeusilluntiltheholidaysbegan。Then,onthebreaking-upday,wecaughtcolds,andwhoopingcough,andallkindsofdisorders,whichlastedtillthetermrecommenced;when,inspiteofeverythingwecouldmanoeuvretothecontrary,wewouldgetsuddenlywellagain,andbebetterthanever。 Suchislife;andwearebutasgrassthatiscutdown,andputintotheovenandbaked。 Togobacktothecarved-oakquestion,theymusthavehadveryfairnotionsoftheartisticandthebeautiful,ourgreat-great-grandfathers。 Why,allourarttreasuresofto-dayareonlythedug-upcommonplacesofthreeorfourhundredyearsago。Iwonderifthereisrealintrinsicbeautyintheoldsoup-plates,beer-mugs,andcandle-snuffersthatweprizesonow,orifitisonlythehaloofageglowingaroundthemthatgivesthemtheircharmsinoureyes。The\"oldblue\"thatwehangaboutourwallsasornamentswerethecommonevery-dayhouseholdutensilsofafewcenturiesago;andthepinkshepherdsandtheyellowshepherdessesthatwehandroundnowforallourfriendstogushover,andpretendtheyunderstand,weretheunvaluedmantel-ornamentsthatthemotheroftheeighteenthcenturywouldhavegiventhebabytosuckwhenhecried。 Willitbethesameinthefuture?Willtheprizedtreasuresofto-dayalwaysbethecheaptriflesofthedaybefore?Willrowsofourwillow- patterndinner-platesberangedabovethechimneypiecesofthegreatintheyears2000andodd?Willthewhitecupswiththegoldrimandthebeautifulgoldflowerinside(speciesunknown),thatourSarahJanesnowbreakinsheerlight-heartednessofspirit,becarefullymended,andstooduponabracket,anddustedonlybytheladyofthehouse? Thatchinadogthatornamentsthebedroomofmyfurnishedlodgings。Itisawhitedog。Itseyesblue。Itsnoseisadelicatered,withspots。 Itsheadispainfullyerect,itsexpressionisamiabilitycarriedtovergeofimbecility。Idonotadmireitmyself。Consideredasaworkofart,Imaysayitirritatesme。Thoughtlessfriendsjeeratit,andevenmylandladyherselfhasnoadmirationforit,andexcusesitspresencebythecircumstancethatherauntgaveittoher。 Butin200years\'timeitismorethanprobablethatthatdogwillbedugupfromsomewhereorother,minusitslegs,andwithitstailbroken,andwillbesoldforoldchina,andputinaglasscabinet。Andpeoplewillpassitround,andadmireit。Theywillbestruckbythewonderfuldepthofthecolouronthenose,andspeculateastohowbeautifulthebitofthetailthatislostnodoubtwas。 We,inthisage,donotseethebeautyofthatdog。Wearetoofamiliarwithit。Itislikethesunsetandthestars:wearenotawedbytheirlovelinessbecausetheyarecommontooureyes。Soitiswiththatchinadog。In2288peoplewillgushoverit。Themakingofsuchdogswillhavebecomealostart。Ourdescendantswillwonderhowwedidit,andsayhowcleverwewere。Weshallbereferredtolovinglyas\"thosegrandoldartiststhatflourishedinthenineteenthcentury,andproducedthosechinadogs。\" The\"sampler\"thattheeldestdaughterdidatschoolwillbespokenofas\"tapestryoftheVictorianera,\"andbealmostpriceless。Theblue-and- whitemugsofthepresent-dayroadsideinnwillbehuntedup,allcrackedandchipped,andsoldfortheirweightingold,andrichpeoplewillusethemforclaretcups;andtravellersfromJapanwillbuyupallthe\"PresentsfromRamsgate,\"and\"SouvenirsofMargate,\"thatmayhaveescapeddestruction,andtakethembacktoJedoasancientEnglishcurios。 AtthispointHarristhrewawaythesculls,gotupandlefthisseat,andsatonhisback,andstuckhislegsintheair。Montmorencyhowled,andturnedasomersault,andthetophamperjumpedup,andallthethingscameout。 Iwassomewhatsurprised,butIdidnotlosemytemper。Isaid,pleasantlyenough: \"Hulloa!what\'sthatfor?\" \"What\'sthatfor?Why-\" No,onsecondthoughts,IwillnotrepeatwhatHarrissaid。Imayhavebeentoblame,Iadmitit;butnothingexcusesviolenceoflanguageandcoarsenessofexpression,especiallyinamanwhohasbeencarefullybroughtup,asIknowHarrishasbeen。Iwasthinkingofotherthings,andforgot,asanyonemighteasilyunderstand,thatIwassteering,andtheconsequencewasthatwehadgotmixedupagooddealwiththetow- path。Itwasdifficulttosay,forthemoment,whichwasusandwhichwastheMiddlesexbankoftheriver;butwefoundoutafterawhile,andseparatedourselves。 Harris,however,saidhehaddoneenoughforabit,andproposedthatI shouldtakeaturn;so,aswewerein,Igotoutandtookthetow-line,andrantheboatonpastHamptonCourt。Whatadearoldwallthatisthatrunsalongbytheriverthere!Ineverpassitwithoutfeelingbetterforthesightofit。Suchamellow,bright,sweetoldwall;whatacharmingpictureitwouldmake,withthelichencreepinghere,andthemossgrowingthere,ashyyoungvinepeepingoverthetopatthisspot,toseewhatisgoingonuponthebusyriver,andthesoberoldivyclusteringalittlefartherdown!Therearefiftyshadesandtintsandhuesineverytenyardsofthatoldwall。IfIcouldonlydraw,andknewhowtopaint,Icouldmakealovelysketchofthatoldwall,I\'msure。 I\'veoftenthoughtIshouldliketoliveatHamptonCourt。Itlookssopeacefulandsoquiet,anditissuchadearoldplacetorambleroundintheearlymorningbeforemanypeopleareabout。 But,there,Idon\'tsupposeIshouldreallycareforitwhenitcametoactualpractice。Itwouldbesoghastlydullanddepressingintheevening,whenyourlampcastuncannyshadowsonthepanelledwalls,andtheechoofdistantfeetrangthroughthecoldstonecorridors,andnowdrewnearer,andnowdiedaway,andallwasdeath-likesilence,savethebeatingofone\'sownheart。 Wearecreaturesofthesun,wemenandwomen。Welovelightandlife。 Thatiswhywecrowdintothetownsandcities,andthecountrygrowsmoreandmoredesertedeveryyear。Inthesunlight-inthedaytime,whenNatureisaliveandbusyallaroundus,weliketheopenhill-sidesandthedeepwoodswellenough:butinthenight,whenourMotherEarthhasgonetosleep,andleftuswaking,oh!theworldseemssolonesome,andwegetfrightened,likechildreninasilenthouse。Thenwesitandsob,andlongforthegas-litstreets,andthesoundofhumanvoices,andtheansweringthrobofhumanlife。Wefeelsohelplessandsolittleinthegreatstillness,whenthedarktreesrustleinthenight-wind。Therearesomanyghostsabout,andtheirsilentsighsmakeusfeelsosad。 Letusgathertogetherinthegreatcities,andlighthugebonfiresofamilliongas-jets,andshoutandsingtogether,andfeelbrave。 HarrisaskedmeifI\'deverbeeninthemazeatHamptonCourt。Hesaidhewentinoncetoshowsomebodyelsetheway。Hehadstudieditupinamap,anditwassosimplethatitseemedfoolish-hardlyworththetwopencechargedforadmission。Harrissaidhethoughtthatmapmusthavebeengotupasapracticaljoke,becauseitwasn\'tabitliketherealthing,andonlymisleading。ItwasacountrycousinthatHarristookin。Hesaid: \"We\'lljustgoinhere,sothatyoucansayyou\'vebeen,butit\'sverysimple。It\'sabsurdtocallitamaze。Youkeepontakingthefirstturningtotheright。We\'lljustwalkroundfortenminutes,andthengoandgetsomelunch。\" Theymetsomepeoplesoonaftertheyhadgotinside,whosaidtheyhadbeenthereforthree-quartersofanhour,andhadhadaboutenoughofit。 Harristoldthemtheycouldfollowhim,iftheyliked;hewasjustgoingin,andthenshouldturnroundandcomeoutagain。Theysaiditwasverykindofhim,andfellbehind,andfollowed。 Theypickedupvariousotherpeoplewhowantedtogetitover,astheywentalong,untiltheyhadabsorbedallthepersonsinthemaze。Peoplewhohadgivenupallhopesofevergettingeitherinorout,orofeverseeingtheirhomeandfriendsagain,pluckedupcourageatthesightofHarrisandhisparty,andjoinedtheprocession,blessinghim。Harrissaidheshouldjudgetheremusthavebeentwentypeople,followinghim,inall;andonewomanwithababy,whohadbeenthereallthemorning,insistedontakinghisarm,forfearoflosinghim。 Harriskeptonturningtotheright,butitseemedalongway,andhiscousinsaidhesupposeditwasaverybigmaze。 \"Oh,oneofthelargestinEurope,\"saidHarris。 \"Yes,itmustbe,\"repliedthecousin,\"becausewe\'vewalkedagoodtwomilesalready。\" Harrisbegantothinkitratherstrangehimself,butheheldonuntil,atlast,theypassedthehalfofapennybunonthegroundthatHarris\'scousinsworehehadnoticedtheresevenminutesago。Harrissaid:\"Oh,impossible!\"butthewomanwiththebabysaid,\"Notatall,\"assheherselfhadtakenitfromthechild,andthrownitdownthere,justbeforeshemetHarris。ShealsoaddedthatshewishedsheneverhadmetHarris,andexpressedanopinionthathewasanimpostor。ThatmadeHarrismad,andheproducedhismap,andexplainedhistheory。 \"Themapmaybeallrightenough,\"saidoneoftheparty,\"ifyouknowwhereaboutsinitwearenow。\" Harrisdidn\'tknow,andsuggestedthatthebestthingtodowouldbetogobacktotheentrance,andbeginagain。Forthebeginningagainpartofittherewasnotmuchenthusiasm;butwithregardtotheadvisabilityofgoingbacktotheentrancetherewascompleteunanimity,andsotheyturned,andtrailedafterHarrisagain,intheoppositedirection。Abouttenminutesmorepassed,andthentheyfoundthemselvesinthecentre。 Harristhoughtatfirstofpretendingthatthatwaswhathehadbeenaimingat;butthecrowdlookeddangerous,andhedecidedtotreatitasanaccident。 Anyhow,theyhadgotsomethingtostartfromthen。Theydidknowwheretheywere,andthemapwasoncemoreconsulted,andthethingseemedsimplerthanever,andofftheystartedforthethirdtime。 Andthreeminuteslatertheywerebackinthecentreagain。 Afterthat,theysimplycouldn\'tgetanywhereelse。Whateverwaytheyturnedbroughtthembacktothemiddle。Itbecamesoregularatlength,thatsomeofthepeoplestoppedthere,andwaitedfortheotherstotakeawalkround,andcomebacktothem。Harrisdrewouthismapagain,afterawhile,butthesightofitonlyinfuriatedthemob,andtheytoldhimtogoandcurlhishairwithit。Harrissaidthathecouldn\'thelpfeelingthat,toacertainextent,hehadbecomeunpopular。 Theyallgotcrazyatlast,andsangoutforthekeeper,andthemancameandclimbeduptheladderoutside,andshoutedoutdirectionstothem。 Butalltheirheadswere,bythistime,insuchaconfusedwhirlthattheywereincapableofgraspinganything,andsothemantoldthemtostopwheretheywere,andhewouldcometothem。Theyhuddledtogether,andwaited;andheclimbeddown,andcamein。 Hewasayoungkeeper,asluckwouldhaveit,andnewtothebusiness; andwhenhegotin,hecouldn\'tfindthem,andhewanderedabout,tryingtogettothem,andthenHEgotlost。Theycaughtsightofhim,everynowandthen,rushingabouttheothersideofthehedge,andhewouldseethem,andrushtogettothem,andtheywouldwaitthereforaboutfiveminutes,andthenhewouldreappearagaininexactlythesamespot,andaskthemwheretheyhadbeen。 Theyhadtowaittilloneoftheoldkeeperscamebackfromhisdinnerbeforetheygotout。 Harrissaidhethoughtitwasaveryfinemaze,sofarashewasajudge; andweagreedthatwewouldtrytogetGeorgetogointoit,onourwayback。 CHAPTERVII。 THERIVERINITSSUNDAYGARB-DRESSONTHERIVER-ACHANCEFORTHE MEN-ABSENCEOFTASTEINHARRIS-GEORGE\'SBLAZER-ADAYWITHTHE FASHION-PLATEYOUNGLADY-MRS。THOMAS\'STOMB-THEMANWHOLOVESNOT GRAVESANDCOFFINSANDSKULLS-HARRISMAD-HISVIEWSONGEORGEAND BANKSANDLEMONADE-HEPERFORMSTRICKS。 ITwaswhilepassingthroughMoulseyLockthatHarristoldmeabouthismazeexperience。Ittookussometimetopassthrough,asweweretheonlyboat,anditisabiglock。Idon\'tthinkIeverremembertohaveseenMoulseyLock,before,withonlyoneboatinit。Itis,Isuppose,Boulter\'snotevenexcepted,thebusiestlockontheriver。 Ihavestoodandwatchedit,sometimes,whenyoucouldnotseeanywateratall,butonlyabrillianttangleofbrightblazers,andgaycaps,andsaucyhats,andmany-colouredparasols,andsilkenrugs,andcloaks,andstreamingribbons,anddaintywhites;whenlookingdownintothelockfromthequay,youmightfancyitwasahugeboxintowhichflowersofeveryhueandshadehadbeenthrownpell-mell,andlaypiledupinarainbowheap,thatcoveredeverycorner。 OnafineSundayitpresentsthisappearancenearlyalldaylong,while,upthestream,anddownthestream,lie,waitingtheirturn,outsidethegates,longlinesofstillmoreboats;andboatsaredrawingnearandpassingaway,sothatthesunnyriver,fromthePalaceuptoHamptonChurch,isdottedanddeckedwithyellow,andblue,andorange,andwhite,andred,andpink。AlltheinhabitantsofHamptonandMoulseydressthemselvesupinboatingcostume,andcomeandmouchroundthelockwiththeirdogs,andflirt,andsmoke,andwatchtheboats;and,altogether,whatwiththecapsandjacketsofthemen,theprettycoloureddressesofthewomen,theexciteddogs,themovingboats,thewhitesails,thepleasantlandscape,andthesparklingwater,itisoneofthegayestsightsIknowofnearthisdulloldLondontown。 Theriveraffordsagoodopportunityfordress。Foronceinaway,wemenareabletoshowourtasteincolours,andIthinkwecomeoutverynatty,ifyouaskme。Ialwayslikealittleredinmythings-redandblack。Youknowmyhairisasortofgoldenbrown,ratheraprettyshadeI\'vebeentold,andadarkredmatchesitbeautifully;andthenIalwaysthinkalight-bluenecktiegoessowellwithit,andapairofthoseRussian-leathershoesandaredsilkhandkerchiefroundthewaist-ahandkerchieflookssomuchbetterthanabelt。 Harrisalwayskeepstoshadesormixturesoforangeoryellow,butI don\'tthinkheisatallwiseinthis。Hiscomplexionistoodarkforyellows。Yellowsdon\'tsuithim:therecanbenoquestionaboutit。I wanthimtotaketoblueasabackground,withwhiteorcreamforrelief; but,there!thelesstasteapersonhasindress,themoreobstinatehealwaysseemstobe。Itisagreatpity,becausehewillneverbeasuccessasitis,whilethereareoneortwocoloursinwhichhemightnotreallylooksobad,withhishaton。 Georgehasboughtsomenewthingsforthistrip,andI\'mrathervexedaboutthem。Theblazerisloud。IshouldnotlikeGeorgetoknowthatI thoughtso,buttherereallyisnootherwordforit。HebroughtithomeandshowedittousonThursdayevening。Weaskedhimwhatcolourhecalledit,andhesaidhedidn\'tknow。Hedidn\'tthinktherewasanameforthecolour。ThemanhadtoldhimitwasanOrientaldesign。Georgeputiton,andaskeduswhatwethoughtofit。Harrissaidthat,asanobjecttohangoveraflower-bedinearlyspringtofrightenthebirdsaway,heshouldrespectit;butthat,consideredasanarticleofdressforanyhumanbeing,exceptaMargatenigger,itmadehimill。Georgegotquitehuffy;but,asHarrissaid,ifhedidn\'twanthisopinion,whydidheaskforit? WhattroublesHarrisandmyself,withregardtoit,isthatweareafraiditwillattractattentiontotheboat。 Girls,also,don\'tlookhalfbadinaboat,ifprettilydressed。Nothingismorefetching,tomythinking,thanatastefulboatingcostume。Buta\"boatingcostume,\"itwouldbeaswellifallladieswouldunderstand,oughttobeacostumethatcanbeworninaboat,andnotmerelyunderaglass-case。Itutterlyspoilsanexcursionifyouhavefolkintheboatwhoarethinkingallthetimeagooddealmoreoftheirdressthanofthetrip。Itwasmymisfortuneoncetogoforawaterpicnicwithtwoladiesofthiskind。Wedidhavealivelytime! Theywerebothbeautifullygotup-alllaceandsilkystuff,andflowers,andribbons,anddaintyshoes,andlightgloves。Buttheyweredressedforaphotographicstudio,notforariverpicnic。Theywerethe\"boatingcostumes\"ofaFrenchfashion-plate。Itwasridiculous,foolingaboutinthemanywherenearrealearth,air,andwater。 Thefirstthingwasthattheythoughttheboatwasnotclean。Wedustedalltheseatsforthem,andthenassuredthemthatitwas,buttheydidn\'tbelieveus。Oneofthemrubbedthecushionwiththeforefingerofherglove,andshowedtheresulttotheother,andtheybothsighed,andsatdown,withtheairofearlyChristianmartyrstryingtomakethemselvescomfortableupagainstthestake。Youareliabletooccasionallysplashalittlewhensculling,anditappearedthatadropofwaterruinedthosecostumes。Themarknevercameout,andastainwasleftonthedressforever。 Iwasstroke。Ididmybest。Ifeatheredsometwofeethigh,andI pausedattheendofeachstroketoletthebladesdripbeforereturningthem,andIpickedoutasmoothbitofwatertodropthemintoagaineachtime。(Bowsaid,afterawhile,thathedidnotfeelhimselfasufficientlyaccomplishedoarsmantopullwithme,butthathewouldsitstill,ifIwouldallowhim,andstudymystroke。Hesaiditinterestedhim。)But,notwithstandingallthis,andtryasIwould,Icouldnothelpanoccasionalflickerofwaterfromgoingoverthosedresses。 Thegirlsdidnotcomplain,buttheyhuddledupclosetogether,andsettheirlipsfirm,andeverytimeadroptouchedthem,theyvisiblyshrankandshuddered。Itwasanoblesighttoseethemsufferingthusinsilence,butitunnervedmealtogether。Iamtoosensitive。Igotwildandfitfulinmyrowing,andsplashedmoreandmore,theharderItriednotto。 Igaveitupatlast;IsaidI\'drowbow。Bowthoughtthearrangementwouldbebettertoo,andwechangedplaces。Theladiesgaveaninvoluntarysighofreliefwhentheysawmego,andquitebrightenedupforamoment。Poorgirls!theyhadbetterhaveputupwithme。Themantheyhadgotnowwasajolly,light-hearted,thick-headedsortofachap,withaboutasmuchsensitivenessinhimastheremightbeinaNewfoundlandpuppy。Youmightlookdaggersathimforanhourandhewouldnotnoticeit,anditwouldnottroublehimifhedid。Hesetagood,rollicking,dashingstrokethatsentthesprayplayingallovertheboatlikeafountain,andmadethewholecrowdsitupstraightinnotime。Whenhespreadmorethanpintofwateroveroneofthosedresses,hewouldgiveapleasantlittlelaugh,andsay: \"Ibegyourpardon,I\'msure;\"andofferthemhishandkerchieftowipeitoffwith。 \"Oh,it\'sofnoconsequence,\"thepoorgirlswouldmurmurinreply,andcovertlydrawrugsandcoatsoverthemselves,andtryandprotectthemselveswiththeirlaceparasols。 Atlunchtheyhadaverybadtimeofit。Peoplewantedthemtositonthegrass,andthegrasswasdusty;andthetree-trunks,againstwhichtheywereinvitedtolean,didnotappeartohavebeenbrushedforweeks; sotheyspreadtheirhandkerchiefsonthegroundandsatonthose,boltupright。Somebody,inwalkingaboutwithaplateofbeef-steakpie,trippedupoveraroot,andsentthepieflying。Noneofitwentoverthem,fortunately,buttheaccidentsuggestedafreshdangertothem,andagitatedthem;and,wheneveranybodymovedabout,afterthat,withanythinginhishandthatcouldfallandmakeamess,theywatchedthatpersonwithgrowinganxietyuntilhesatdownagain。 \"Nowthen,yougirls,\"saidourfriendBowtothem,cheerily,afteritwasallover,\"comealong,you\'vegottowashup!\" Theydidn\'tunderstandhimatfirst。Whentheygraspedtheidea,theysaidtheyfearedtheydidnotknowhowtowashup。 \"Oh,I\'llsoonshowyou,\"hecried;\"it\'srarefun!Youliedownonyour-Imeanyouleanoverthebank,youknow,andsloushthethingsaboutinthewater。\" Theeldersistersaidthatshewasafraidthattheyhadn\'tgotondressessuitedtothework。 \"Oh,they\'llbeallright,\"saidhelight-heartedly;\"tuck`emup。\" Andhemadethemdoit,too。Hetoldthemthatthatsortofthingwashalfthefunofapicnic。Theysaiditwasveryinteresting。 NowIcometothinkitover,wasthatyoungmanasdense-headedaswethought?orwashe-no,impossible!therewassuchasimple,child-likeexpressionabouthim! HarriswantedtogetoutatHamptonChurch,togoandseeMrs。Thomas\'stomb。 \"WhoisMrs。Thomas?\"Iasked。 \"HowshouldIknow?\"repliedHarris。\"She\'saladythat\'sgotafunnytomb,andIwanttoseeit。\" Iobjected。Idon\'tknowwhetheritisthatIambuiltwrong,butI neverdidseemtohankeraftertombstonesmyself。Iknowthattheproperthingtodo,whenyougettoavillageortown,istorushofftothechurchyard,andenjoythegraves;butitisarecreationthatIalwaysdenymyself。Itakenointerestincreepingrounddimandchillychurchesbehindwheezyoldmen,andreadingepitaphs。NoteventhesightofabitofcrackedbrassletintoastoneaffordsmewhatIcallrealhappiness。 IshockrespectablesextonsbytheimperturbabilityIamabletoassumebeforeexcitinginscriptions,andbymylackofenthusiasmforthelocalfamilyhistory,whilemyill-concealedanxietytogetoutsidewoundstheirfeelings。 Onegoldenmorningofasunnyday,Ileantagainstthelowstonewallthatguardedalittlevillagechurch,andIsmoked,anddrankindeep,calmgladnessfromthesweet,restfulscene-thegreyoldchurchwithitsclusteringivyanditsquaintcarvedwoodenporch,thewhitelanewindingdownthehillbetweentallrowsofelms,thethatched-roofcottagespeepingabovetheirtrim-kepthedges,thesilverriverinthehollow,thewoodedhillsbeyond! Itwasalovelylandscape。Itwasidyllic,poetical,anditinspiredme。 Ifeltgoodandnoble。IfeltIdidn\'twanttobesinfulandwickedanymore。Iwouldcomeandlivehere,andneverdoanymorewrong,andleadablameless,beautifullife,andhavesilverhairwhenIgotold,andallthatsortofthing。 InthatmomentIforgaveallmyfriendsandrelationsfortheirwickednessandcussedness,andIblessedthem。TheydidnotknowthatI blessedthem。TheywenttheirabandonedwayallunconsciousofwhatI,farawayinthatpeacefulvillage,wasdoingforthem;butIdidit,andIwishedthatIcouldletthemknowthatIhaddoneit,becauseIwantedtomakethemhappy。Iwasgoingonthinkingawayallthesegrand,tenderthoughts,whenmyreveriewasbrokeninuponbyashrillpipingvoicecryingout: \"Allright,sur,I\'ma-coming,I\'ma-coming。It\'sallright,sur;don\'tyoubeinahurry。\" Ilookedup,andsawanoldbald-headedmanhobblingacrossthechurchyardtowardsme,carryingahugebunchofkeysinhishandthatshookandjingledateverystep。 Imotionedhimawaywithsilentdignity,buthestilladvanced,screechingoutthewhile: \"I\'ma-coming,sur,I\'ma-coming。I\'malittlelame。Iain\'tasspryasIusedtobe。Thisway,sur。\" \"Goaway,youmiserableoldman,\"Isaid。 \"I\'vecomeassoonasIcould,sur,\"hereplied。\"Mymissisneverseeyoutilljustthisminute。Youfollowme,sur。\" \"Goaway,\"Irepeated;\"leavemebeforeIgetoverthewall,andslayyou。\" Heseemedsurprised。 \"Don\'tyouwanttoseethetombs?\"hesaid。 \"No,\"Ianswered,\"Idon\'t。Iwanttostophere,leaningupagainstthisgrittyoldwall。Goaway,anddon\'tdisturbme。Iamchockfullofbeautifulandnoblethoughts,andIwanttostoplikeit,becauseitfeelsniceandgood。Don\'tyoucomefoolingabout,makingmemad,chivyingawayallmybetterfeelingswiththissillytombstonenonsenseofyours。Goaway,andgetsomebodytoburyyoucheap,andI\'llpayhalftheexpense。\" Hewasbewilderedforamoment。Herubbedhiseyes,andlookedhardatme。Iseemedhumanenoughontheoutside:hecouldn\'tmakeitout。 Hesaid: \"Yuiseastrangerintheseparts?Youdon\'tlivehere?\" \"No,\"Isaid,\"Idon\'t。YOUwouldn\'tifIdid。\" \"Wellthen,\"hesaid,\"youwanttoseethetombs-graves-folksbeenburied,youknow-coffins!\" \"Youareanuntruther,\"Ireplied,gettingroused;\"Idonotwanttoseetombs-notyourtombs。WhyshouldI?Wehavegravesofourown,ourfamilyhas。WhymyunclePodgerhasatombinKensalGreenCemetery,thatistheprideofallthatcountry-side;andmygrandfather\'svaultatBowiscapableofaccommodatingeightvisitors,whilemygreat-auntSusanhasabrickgraveinFinchleyChurchyard,withaheadstonewithacoffee- potsortofthinginbas-reliefuponit,andasix-inchbestwhitestonecopingallthewayround,thatcostpounds。WhenIwantgraves,itistothoseplacesthatIgoandrevel。Idonotwantotherfolk\'s。Whenyouyourselfareburied,Iwillcomeandseeyours。ThatisallIcandoforyou。\" Heburstintotears。Hesaidthatoneofthetombshadabitofstoneuponthetopofitthathadbeensaidbysometobeprobablypartoftheremainsofthefigureofaman,andthatanotherhadsomewords,carveduponit,thatnobodyhadeverbeenabletodecipher。 Istillremainedobdurate,and,inbroken-heartedtones,hesaid: \"Well,won\'tyoucomeandseethememorialwindow?\" Iwouldnotevenseethat,sohefiredhislastshot。Hedrewnear,andwhisperedhoarsely: \"I\'vegotacoupleofskullsdowninthecrypt,\"hesaid;\"comeandseethose。Oh,docomeandseetheskulls!Youareayoungmanoutforaholiday,andyouwanttoenjoyyourself。Comeandseetheskulls!\" ThenIturnedandfled,andasIspedIheardhimcallingtome: \"Oh,comeandseetheskulls;comebackandseetheskulls!\" Harris,however,revelsintombs,andgraves,andepitaphs,andmonumentalinscriptions,andthethoughtofnotseeingMrs。Thomas\'sgravemadehimcrazy。HesaidhehadlookedforwardtoseeingMrs。 Thomas\'sgravefromthefirstmomentthatthetripwasproposed-saidhewouldn\'thavejoinedifithadn\'tbeenfortheideaofseeingMrs。 Thomas\'stomb。 IremindedhimofGeorge,andhowwehadtogettheboatuptoSheppertonbyfiveo\'clocktomeethim,andthenhewentforGeorge。WhywasGeorgetofoolaboutallday,andleaveustolugthislumberingoldtop-heavybargeupanddowntheriverbyourselvestomeethim?Whycouldn\'tGeorgecomeanddosomework?Whycouldn\'thehavegotthedayoff,andcomedownwithus?Bankbeblowed!Whatgoodwasheatthebank? \"Ineverseehimdoinganyworkthere,\"continuedHarris,\"wheneverIgoin。Hesitsbehindabitofglassallday,tryingtolookasifhewasdoingsomething。What\'sthegoodofamanbehindabitofglass?Ihavetoworkformyliving。Whycan\'thework。Whatuseishethere,andwhat\'sthegoodoftheirbanks?Theytakeyourmoney,andthen,whenyoudrawacheque,theysenditbacksmearedalloverwith`Noeffects,\' `Refertodrawer。\'What\'sthegoodofthat?That\'sthesortoftricktheyservedmetwicelastweek。I\'mnotgoingtostanditmuchlonger。 Ishallwithdrawmyaccount。Ifhewashere,wecouldgoandseethattomb。Idon\'tbelievehe\'satthebankatall。He\'slarkingaboutsomewhere,that\'swhathe\'sdoing,leavingustodoallthework。I\'mgoingtogetout,andhaveadrink。\" Ipointedouttohimthatweweremilesawayfromapub。;andthenhewentonabouttheriver,andwhatwasthegoodoftheriver,andwaseveryonewhocameontherivertodieofthirst? ItisalwaysbesttoletHarrishavehisheadwhenhegetslikethis。 Thenhepumpshimselfout,andisquietafterwards。 Iremindedhimthattherewasconcentratedlemonadeinthehamper,andagallon-jarofwaterinthenoseoftheboat,andthatthetwoonlywantedmixingtomakeacoolandrefreshingbeverage。 Thenheflewoffaboutlemonade,and\"such-likeSunday-schoolslops,\"ashetermedthem,ginger-beer,raspberrysyrup,&c。,&c。Hesaidtheyallproduceddyspepsia,andruinedbodyandsoulalike,andwerethecauseofhalfthecrimeinEngland。 Hesaidhemustdrinksomething,however,andclimbedupontheseat,andleantovertogetthebottle。Itwasrightatthebottomofthehamper,andseemeddifficulttofind,andhehadtoleanoverfurtherandfurther,and,intryingtosteeratthesametime,fromatopsy-turvypointofview,hepulledthewrongline,andsenttheboatintothebank,andtheshockupsethim,andhediveddownrightintothehamper,andstoodthereonhishead,holdingontothesidesoftheboatlikegrimdeath,hislegsstickingupintotheair。Hedarednotmoveforfearofgoingover,andhadtostaytheretillIcouldgetholdofhislegs,andhaulhimback,andthatmadehimmadderthanever。 CHAPTERVIII。 BLACKMAILING-THEPROPERCOURSETOPURSUE-SELFISHBOORISHNESSOF RIVER-SIDELANDOWNER-\"NOTICE\"BOARDS-UNCHRISTIANLIKEFEELINGSOF HARRIS-HOWHARRISSINGSACOMICSONG-AHIGH-CLASSPARTY-SHAMEFUL CONDUCTOFTWOABANDONEDYOUNGMEN-SOMEUSELESSINFORMATION-GEORGE BUYSABANJO。 WEstoppedunderthewillowsbyKemptonPark,andlunched。Itisaprettylittlespotthere:apleasantgrassplateau,runningalongbythewater\'sedge,andoverhungbywillows。Wehadjustcommencedthethirdcourse-thebreadandjam-whenagentlemaninshirt-sleevesandashortpipecamealong,andwantedtoknowifweknewthatweweretrespassing。Wesaidwehadn\'tgiventhemattersufficientconsiderationasyettoenableustoarriveatadefiniteconclusiononthatpoint,butthat,ifheassuredusonhiswordasagentlemanthatweWERE trespassing,wewould,withoutfurtherhesitation,believeit。 Hegaveustherequiredassurance,andwethankedhim,buthestillhungabout,andseemedtobedissatisfied,soweaskedhimiftherewasanythingfurtherthatwecoulddoforhim;andHarris,whoisofachummydisposition,offeredhimabitofbreadandjam。 Ifancyhemusthavebelongedtosomesocietysworntoabstainfrombreadandjam;forhedeclineditquitegruffly,asifhewerevexedatbeingtemptedwithit,andheaddedthatitwashisdutytoturnusoff。 Harrissaidthatifitwasadutyitoughttobedone,andaskedthemanwhatwashisideawithregardtothebestmeansforaccomplishingit。 Harrisiswhatyouwouldcallawell-mademanofaboutnumberonesize,andlookshardandbony,andthemanmeasuredhimupanddown,andsaidhewouldgoandconsulthismaster,andthencomebackandchuckusbothintotheriver。 Ofcourse,weneversawhimanymore,and,ofcourse,allhereallywantedwasashilling。Thereareacertainnumberofriversideroughswhomakequiteanincome,duringthesummer,byslouchingaboutthebanksandblackmailingweak-mindednoodlesinthisway。Theyrepresentthemselvesassentbytheproprietor。Thepropercoursetopursueistoofferyournameandaddress,andleavetheowner,ifhereallyhasanythingtodowiththematter,tosummonyou,andprovewhatdamageyouhavedonetohislandbysittingdownonabitofit。Butthemajorityofpeoplearesointenselylazyandtimid,thattheyprefertoencouragetheimpositionbygivingintoitratherthanputanendtoitbytheexertionofalittlefirmness。 Whereitisreallytheownersthataretoblame,theyoughttobeshownup。Theselfishnessoftheriparianproprietorgrowswitheveryyear。 IfthesemenhadtheirwaytheywouldclosetheriverThamesaltogether。 Theyactuallydothisalongtheminortributarystreamsandinthebackwaters。Theydrivepostsintothebedofthestream,anddrawchainsacrossfrombanktobank,andnailhugenotice-boardsoneverytree。Thesightofthosenotice-boardsrouseseveryevilinstinctinmynature。I feelIwanttoteareachonedown,andhammeritovertheheadofthemanwhoputitup,untilIhavekilledhim,andthenIwouldburyhim,andputtheboardupoverthegraveasatombstone。 ImentionedthesefeelingsofminetoHarris,andhesaidhehadthemworsethanthat。Hesaidhenotonlyfelthewantedtokillthemanwhocausedtheboardtobeputup,butthatheshouldliketoslaughterthewholeofhisfamilyandallhisfriendsandrelations,andthenburndownhishouse。Thisseemedtometobegoingtoofar,andIsaidsotoHarris;butheanswered: \"Notabitofit。Serve`emalljollywellright,andI\'dgoandsingcomicsongsontheruins。\" IwasvexedtohearHarrisgooninthisblood-thirstystrain。Weneveroughttoallowourinstinctsofjusticetodegenerateintomerevindictiveness。ItwasalongwhilebeforeIcouldgetHarristotakeamoreChristianviewofthesubject,butIsucceededatlast,andhepromisedmethathewouldsparethefriendsandrelationsatallevents,andwouldnotsingcomicsongsontheruins。 YouhaveneverheardHarrissingacomicsong,oryouwouldunderstandtheserviceIhadrenderedtomankind。ItisoneofHarris\'sfixedideasthatheCANsingacomicsong;thefixedidea,onthecontrary,amongthoseofHarris\'sfriendswhohaveheardhimtry,isthatheCAN\'Tandneverwillbeableto,andthatheoughtnottobeallowedtotry。 WhenHarrisisataparty,andisaskedtosing,hereplies:\"Well,IcanonlysingaCOMICsong,youknow;\"andhesaysitinatonethatimpliesthathissingingofTHAT,however,isathingthatyououghttohearonce,andthendie。 \"Oh,thatISnice,\"saysthehostess。\"Dosingone,Mr。Harris;\"andHarrisgetsup,andmakesforthepiano,withthebeamingcheerinessofagenerous-mindedmanwhoisjustabouttogivesomebodysomething。 \"Now,silence,please,everybody\"saysthehostess,turninground;\"Mr。 Harrisisgoingtosingacomicsong!\" \"Oh,howjolly!\"theymurmur;andtheyhurryinfromtheconservatory,andcomeupfromthestairs,andgoandfetcheachotherfromalloverthehouse,andcrowdintothedrawing-room,andsitround,allsmirkinginanticipation。 ThenHarrisbegins。 Well,youdon\'tlookformuchofavoiceinacomicsong。Youdon\'texpectcorrectphrasingorvocalization。Youdon\'tmindifamandoesfindout,wheninthemiddleofanote,thatheistoohigh,andcomesdownwithajerk。Youdon\'tbotherabouttime。Youdon\'tmindamanbeingtwobarsinfrontoftheaccompaniment,andeasingupinthemiddleofalinetoargueitoutwiththepianist,andthenstartingtheverseafresh。Butyoudoexpectthewords。 Youdon\'texpectamantoneverremembermorethanthefirstthreelinesofthefirstverse,andtokeeponrepeatingtheseuntilitistimetobeginthechorus。Youdon\'texpectamantobreakoffinthemiddleofaline,andsnigger,andsay,it\'sveryfunny,buthe\'sblestifhecanthinkoftherestofit,andthentryandmakeitupforhimself,and,afterwards,suddenlyrecollectit,whenhehasgottoanentirelydifferentpartofthesong,andbreakoff,withoutawordofwarning,togobackandletyouhaveitthenandthere。Youdon\'t-well,IwilljustgiveyouanideaofHarris\'scomicsinging,andthenyoucanjudgeofitforyourself。