Youhavetogoawayandbeginyourmeal，asifyouwerenotgoingtohaveanyteaatall。Youmustnotevenlookroundatit。Thenyouwillsoonhearitsputteringaway，madtobemadeintotea。
Itisagoodplan，too，ifyouareinagreathurry，totalkveryloudlytoeachotherabouthowyoudon\'tneedanytea，andarenotgoingtohaveany。Yougetnearthekettle，sothatitcanoverhearyou，andthenyoushoutout，\"Idon\'twantanytea；doyou，George？\"towhichGeorgeshoutsback，\"Oh，no，Idon\'tliketea；we\'llhavelemonadeinstead-tea\'ssoindigestible。\"Uponwhichthekettleboilsover，andputsthestoveout。
Weadoptedthisharmlessbitoftrickery，andtheresultwasthat，bythetimeeverythingelsewasready，theteawaswaiting。Thenwelitthelantern，andsquatteddowntosupper。
Wewantedthatsupper。
Forfive-and-thirtyminutesnotasoundwasheardthroughoutthelengthandbreadthofthatboat，savetheclankofcutleryandcrockery，andthesteadygrindingoffoursetsofmolars。Attheendoffive-and-thirtyminutes，Harrissaid，\"Ah！\"andtookhisleftlegoutfromunderhimandputhisrightonethereinstead。
Fiveminutesafterwards，Georgesaid，\"Ah！\"too，andthrewhisplateoutonthebank；and，threeminuteslaterthanthat，Montmorencygavethefirstsignofcontentmenthehadexhibitedsincewehadstarted，androlledoveronhisside，andspreadhislegsout；andthenIsaid，\"Ah！\"
andbentmyheadback，andbumpeditagainstoneofthehoops，butIdidnotmindit。Ididnotevenswear。
Howgoodonefeelswhenoneisfull-howsatisfiedwithourselvesandwiththeworld！Peoplewhohavetriedit，tellmethataclearconsciencemakesyouveryhappyandcontented；butafullstomachdoesthebusinessquiteaswell，andischeaper，andmoreeasilyobtained。
Onefeelssoforgivingandgenerousafterasubstantialandwell-digestedmeal-sonoble-minded，sokindly-hearted。
Itisverystrange，thisdominationofourintellectbyourdigestiveorgans。Wecannotwork，wecannotthink，unlessourstomachwillsso。
Itdictatestousouremotions，ourpassions。Aftereggsandbacon，itsays，\"Work！\"Afterbeefsteakandporter，itsays，\"Sleep！\"Afteracupoftea（twospoonsfulforeachcup，anddon\'tletitstandmorethanthreeminutes），itsaystothebrain，\"Now，rise，andshowyourstrength。
Beeloquent，anddeep，andtender；see，withacleareye，intoNatureandintolife；spreadyourwhitewingsofquiveringthought，andsoar，agod-
likespirit，overthewhirlingworldbeneathyou，upthroughlonglanesofflamingstarstothegatesofeternity！\"
Afterhotmuffins，itsays，\"Bedullandsoulless，likeabeastofthefield-abrainlessanimal，withlistlesseye，unlitbyanyrayoffancy，orofhope，orfear，orlove，orlife。\"Andafterbrandy，takeninsufficientquantity，itsays，\"Now，come，fool，grinandtumble，thatyourfellow-menmaylaugh-drivelinfolly，andsplutterinsenselesssounds，andshowwhatahelplessninnyispoormanwhosewitandwillaredrowned，likekittens，sidebyside，inhalfaninchofalcohol。\"
Wearebuttheveriest，sorriestslavesofourstomach。Reachnotaftermoralityandrighteousness，myfriends；watchvigilantlyyourstomach，anddietitwithcareandjudgment。Thenvirtueandcontentmentwillcomeandreignwithinyourheart，unsoughtbyanyeffortofyourown；andyouwillbeagoodcitizen，alovinghusband，andatenderfather-anoble，piousman。
Beforeoursupper，HarrisandGeorgeandIwerequarrelsomeandsnappyandill-tempered；afteroursupper，wesatandbeamedononeanother，andwebeameduponthedog，too。Welovedeachother，welovedeverybody。
Harris，inmovingabout，trodonGeorge\'scorn。Hadthishappenedbeforesupper，GeorgewouldhaveexpressedwishesanddesiresconcerningHarris\'sfateinthisworldandthenextthatwouldhavemadeathoughtfulmanshudder。
Asitwas，hesaid：\"Steady，oldman；`warewheat。\"
AndHarris，insteadofmerelyobserving，inhismostunpleasanttones，thatafellowcouldhardlyhelptreadingonsomebitofGeorge\'sfoot，ifhehadtomoveaboutatallwithintenyardsofwhereGeorgewassitting，suggestingthatGeorgeneveroughttocomeintoanordinarysizedboatwithfeetthatlength，andadvisinghimtohangthemovertheside，ashewouldhavedonebeforesupper，nowsaid：\"Oh，I\'msosorry，oldchap；I
hopeIhaven\'thurtyou。\"
AndGeorgesaid：\"Notatall；\"thatitwashisfault；andHarrissaidno，itwashis。
Itwasquiteprettytohearthem。
Welitourpipes，andsat，lookingoutonthequietnight，andtalked。
Georgesaidwhycouldnotwebealwayslikethis-awayfromtheworld，withitssinandtemptation，leadingsober，peacefullives，anddoinggood。IsaiditwasthesortofthingIhadoftenlongedformyself；andwediscussedthepossibilityofourgoingaway，wefour，tosomehandy，well-fitteddesertisland，andlivingthereinthewoods。
Harrissaidthatthedangeraboutdesertislands，asfarashehadheard，wasthattheyweresodamp：butGeorgesaidno，notifproperlydrained。
Andthenwegotontodrains，andthatputGeorgeinmindofaveryfunnythingthathappenedtohisfatheronce。HesaidhisfatherwastravellingwithanotherfellowthroughWales，and，onenight，theystoppedatalittleinn，wherethereweresomeotherfellows，andtheyjoinedtheotherfellows，andspenttheeveningwiththem。
Theyhadaveryjollyevening，andsatuplate，and，bythetimetheycametogotobed，they（thiswaswhenGeorge\'sfatherwasaveryyoungman）wereslightlyjolly，too。They（George\'sfatherandGeorge\'sfather\'sfriend）weretosleepinthesameroom，butindifferentbeds。
Theytookthecandle，andwentup。Thecandlelurchedupagainstthewallwhentheygotintotheroom，andwentout，andtheyhadtoundressandgropeintobedinthedark。Thistheydid；but，insteadofgettingintoseparatebeds，astheythoughttheyweredoing，theybothclimbedintothesameonewithoutknowingit-onegettinginwithhisheadatthetop，andtheothercrawlinginfromtheoppositesideofthecompass，andlyingwithhisfeetonthepillow。
Therewassilenceforamoment，andthenGeorge\'sfathersaid：
\"Joe！\"
\"What\'sthematter，Tom？\"repliedJoe\'svoicefromtheotherendofthebed。
\"Why，there\'samaninmybed，\"saidGeorge\'sfather；\"here\'shisfeetonmypillow。\"
\"Well，it\'sanextraordinarything，Tom，\"answeredtheother；\"butI\'mblestifthereisn\'tamaninmybed，too！\"
\"Whatareyougoingtodo？\"askedGeorge\'sfather。
\"Well，I\'mgoingtochuckhimout，\"repliedJoe。
\"SoamI，\"saidGeorge\'sfather，valiantly。
Therewasabriefstruggle，followedbytwoheavybumpsonthefloor，andthenaratherdolefulvoicesaid：
\"Isay，Tom！\"
\"Yes！\"
\"Howhaveyougoton？\"
\"Well，totellyouthetruth，myman\'schuckedmeout。\"
\"So\'smine！Isay，Idon\'tthinkmuchofthisinn，doyou？\"
\"Whatwasthenameofthatinn？\"saidHarris。
\"ThePigandWhistle，\"saidGeorge。\"Why？\"
\"Ah，no，thenitisn\'tthesame，\"repliedHarris。
\"Whatdoyoumean？\"queriedGeorge。
\"Whyit\'ssocurious，\"murmuredHarris，\"butpreciselythatverysamethinghappenedtoMYfatheronceatacountryinn。I\'veoftenheardhimtellthetale。Ithoughtitmighthavebeenthesameinn。\"
Weturnedinattenthatnight，andIthoughtIshouldsleepwell，beingtired；butIdidn\'t。Asarule，Iundressandputmyheadonthepillow，andthensomebodybangsatthedoor，andsaysitishalf-pasteight：but，to-night，everythingseemedagainstme；thenoveltyofitall，thehardnessoftheboat，thecrampedposition（Iwaslyingwithmyfeetunderoneseat，andmyheadonanother），thesoundofthelappingwaterroundtheboat，andthewindamongthebranches，keptmerestlessanddisturbed。
Ididgettosleepforafewhours，andthensomepartoftheboatwhichseemedtohavegrownupinthenight-foritcertainlywasnottherewhenwestarted，andithaddisappearedbythemorning-keptdiggingintomyspine。Isleptthroughitforawhile，dreamingthatIhadswallowedasovereign，andthattheywerecuttingaholeinmybackwithagimlet，soastotryandgetitout。Ithoughtitveryunkindofthem，andItoldthemIwouldowethemthemoney，andtheyshouldhaveitattheendofthemonth。Buttheywouldnothearofthat，andsaiditwouldbemuchbetteriftheyhaditthen，becauseotherwisetheinterestwouldaccumulateso。Igotquitecrosswiththemafterabit，andtoldthemwhatIthoughtofthem，andthentheygavethegimletsuchanexcruciatingwrenchthatIwokeup。
Theboatseemedstuffy，andmyheadached；soIthoughtIwouldstepoutintothecoolnight-air。IslippedonwhatclothesIcouldfindabout-
someofmyown，andsomeofGeorge\'sandHarris\'s-andcreptunderthecanvasontothebank。
Itwasagloriousnight。Themoonhadsunk，andleftthequietearthalonewiththestars。Itseemedasif，inthesilenceandthehush，whileweherchildrenslept，theyweretalkingwithher，theirsister-
conversingofmightymysteriesinvoicestoovastanddeepforchildishhumanearstocatchthesound。
Theyaweus，thesestrangestars，socold，soclear。Weareaschildrenwhosesmallfeethavestrayedintosomedim-littempleofthegodtheyhavebeentaughttoworshipbutknownot；and，standingwheretheechoingdomespansthelongvistaoftheshadowylight，glanceup，halfhoping，halfafraidtoseesomeawfulvisionhoveringthere。
Andyetitseemssofullofcomfortandofstrength，thenight。Initsgreatpresence，oursmallsorrowscreepaway，ashamed。Thedayhasbeensofulloffretandcare，andourheartshavebeensofullofevilandofbitterthoughts，andtheworldhasseemedsohardandwrongtous。ThenNight，likesomegreatlovingmother，gentlylaysherhanduponourfeveredhead，andturnsourlittletear-stainedfacesuptohers，andsmiles；and，thoughshedoesnotspeak，weknowwhatshewouldsay，andlayourhotflushedcheekagainstherbosom，andthepainisgone。
Sometimes，ourpainisverydeepandreal，andwestandbeforeherverysilent，becausethereisnolanguageforourpain，onlyamoan。Night\'sheartisfullofpityforus：shecannoteaseouraching；shetakesourhandinhers，andthelittleworldgrowsverysmallandveryfarawaybeneathus，and，borneonherdarkwings，wepassforamomentintoamightierPresencethanherown，andinthewondrouslightofthatgreatPresence，allhumanlifelieslikeabookbeforeus，andweknowthatPainandSorrowarebuttheangelsofGod。
Onlythosewhohavewornthecrownofsufferingcanlookuponthatwondrouslight；andthey，whentheyreturn，maynotspeakofit，ortellthemysterytheyknow。
Onceuponatime，throughastrangecountry，thererodesomegoodlyknights，andtheirpathlaybyadeepwood，wheretangledbriarsgrewverythickandstrong，andtorethefleshofthemthatlosttheirwaytherein。Andtheleavesofthetreesthatgrewinthewoodwereverydarkandthick，sothatnorayoflightcamethroughthebranchestolightenthegloomandsadness。
And，astheypassedbythatdarkwood，oneknightofthosethatrode，missinghiscomrades，wanderedfaraway，andreturnedtothemnomore；
andthey，sorelygrieving，rodeonwithouthim，mourninghimasonedead。
Now，whentheyreachedthefaircastletowardswhichtheyhadbeenjourneying，theystayedtheremanydays，andmademerry；andonenight，astheysatincheerfuleasearoundthelogsthatburnedinthegreathall，anddrankalovingmeasure，therecamethecomradetheyhadlost，andgreetedthem。Hisclotheswereragged，likeabeggar\'s，andmanysadwoundswereonhissweetflesh，butuponhisfacethereshoneagreatradianceofdeepjoy。
Andtheyquestionedhim，askinghimwhathadbefallenhim：andhetoldthemhowinthedarkwoodhehadlosthisway，andhadwanderedmanydaysandnights，till，tornandbleeding，hehadlainhimdowntodie。
Then，whenhewasnighuntodeath，lo！throughthesavagegloomtherecametohimastatelymaiden，andtookhimbythehandandledhimonthroughdeviouspaths，unknowntoanyman，untiluponthedarknessofthewoodtheredawnedalightsuchasthelightofdaywasuntobutasalittlelampuntothesun；and，inthatwondrouslight，ourway-wornknightsawasinadreamavision，andsoglorious，sofairthevisionseemed，thatofhisbleedingwoundshethoughtnomore，butstoodasoneentranced，whosejoyisdeepasisthesea，whereofnomancantellthedepth。
Andthevisionfaded，andtheknight，kneelingupontheground，thankedthegoodsaintwhointothatsadwoodhadstrayedhissteps，sohehadseenthevisionthatlaytherehid。
AndthenameofthedarkforestwasSorrow；butofthevisionthatthegoodknightsawthereinwemaynotspeaknortell。
CHAPTERXI。
HOWGEORGE，ONCEUPONATIME，GOTUPEARLYINTHEMORNING-GEORGE，HARRIS，ANDMONTMORENCYDONOTLIKETHELOOKOFTHECOLDWATER-HEROISM
ANDDETERMINATIONONTHEPARTOFJ-GEORGEANDHISSHIRT：STORYWITHA
MORAL-HARRISASCOOK-HISTORICALRETROSPECT，SPECIALLYINSERTEDFOR
THEUSEOFSCHOOLS。
IWOKEatsixthenextmorning；andfoundGeorgeawaketoo。Webothturnedround，andtriedtogotosleepagain，butwecouldnot。Hadtherebeenanyparticularreasonwhyweshouldnothavegonetosleepagain，buthavegotupanddressedthenandthere，weshouldhavedroppedoffwhilewewerelookingatourwatches，andhaveslepttillten。Astherewasnoearthlynecessityforourgettingupunderanothertwohoursattheveryleast，andourgettingupatthattimewasanutterabsurdity，itwasonlyinkeepingwiththenaturalcussednessofthingsingeneralthatweshouldbothfeelthatlyingdownforfiveminutesmorewouldbedeathtous。
Georgesaidthatthesamekindofthing，onlyworse，hadhappenedtohimsomeeighteenmonthsago，whenhewaslodgingbyhimselfinthehouseofacertainMrs。Gippings。Hesaidhiswatchwentwrongoneevening，andstoppedataquarter-pasteight。Hedidnotknowthisatthetimebecause，forsomereasonorother，heforgottowinditupwhenhewenttobed（anunusualoccurrencewithhim），andhungitupoverhispillowwithouteverlookingatthething。
Itwasinthewinterwhenthishappened，veryneartheshortestday，andaweekoffogintothebargain，sothefactthatitwasstillverydarkwhenGeorgewokeinthemorningwasnoguidetohimastothetime。Hereachedup，andhauleddownhiswatch。Itwasaquarter-pasteight。
\"Angelsandministersofgracedefendus！\"exclaimedGeorge；\"andherehaveIgottobeintheCitybynine。Whydidn\'tsomebodycallme？Oh，thisisashame！\"Andheflungthewatchdown，andsprangoutofbed，andhadacoldbath，andwashedhimself，anddressedhimself，andshavedhimselfincoldwaterbecausetherewasnottimetowaitforthehot，andthenrushedandhadanotherlookatthewatch。
Whethertheshakingithadreceivedinbeingthrowndownonthebedhadstartedit，orhowitwas，Georgecouldnotsay，butcertainitwasthatfromaquarter-pasteightithadbeguntogo，andnowpointedtotwentyminutestonine。
Georgesnatcheditup，andrusheddownstairs。Inthesitting-room，allwasdarkandsilent：therewasnofire，nobreakfast。GeorgesaiditwasawickedshameofMrs。G。，andhemadeuphismindtotellherwhathethoughtofherwhenhecamehomeintheevening。Thenhedashedonhisgreat-coatandhat，and，seizinghisumbrella，madeforthefrontdoor。
Thedoorwasnotevenunbolted。GeorgeanathematizedMrs。G。foralazyoldwoman，andthoughtitwasverystrangethatpeoplecouldnotgetupatadecent，respectabletime，unlockedandunboltedthedoor，andranout。
Heranhardforaquarterofamile，andattheendofthatdistanceitbegantobeborneinuponhimasastrangeandcuriousthingthatthereweresofewpeopleabout，andthattherewerenoshopsopen。Itwascertainlyaverydarkandfoggymorning，butstillitseemedanunusualcoursetostopallbusinessonthataccount。HEhadtogotobusiness：
whyshouldotherpeoplestopinbedmerelybecauseitwasdarkandfoggy！
AtlengthhereachedHolborn。Notashutterwasdown！notabuswasabout！Therewerethreemeninsight，oneofwhomwasapoliceman；amarket-cartfullofcabbages，andadilapidatedlookingcab。Georgepulledouthiswatchandlookedatit：itwasfiveminutestonine！Hestoodstillandcountedhispulse。Hestoopeddownandfelthislegs。
Then，withhiswatchstillinhishand，hewentuptothepoliceman，andaskedhimifheknewwhatthetimewas。
\"What\'sthetime？\"saidtheman，eyeingGeorgeupanddownwithevidentsuspicion；\"why，ifyoulistenyouwillhearitstrike。\"
Georgelistened，andaneighbouringclockimmediatelyobliged。
\"Butit\'sonlygonethree！\"saidGeorgeinaninjuredtone，whenithadfinished。
\"Well，andhowmanydidyouwantittogo？\"repliedtheconstable。
\"Why，nine，\"saidGeorge，showinghiswatch。
\"Doyouknowwhereyoulive？\"saidtheguardianofpublicorder，severely。
Georgethought，andgavetheaddress。
\"Oh！that\'swhereitis，isit？\"repliedtheman；\"well，youtakemyadviceandgotherequietly，andtakethatwatchofyourswithyou；anddon\'tlet\'shaveanymoreofit。\"
AndGeorgewenthomeagain，musingashewalkedalong，andlethimselfin。
Atfirst，whenhegotin，hedeterminedtoundressandgotobedagain；
butwhenhethoughtoftheredressingandre-washing，andthehavingofanotherbath，hedeterminedhewouldnot，butwouldsitupandgotosleepintheeasy-chair。
Buthecouldnotgettosleep：heneverfeltmorewakefulinhislife；sohelitthelampandgotoutthechess-board，andplayedhimselfagameofchess。Buteventhatdidnotenlivenhim：itseemedslowsomehow；sohegavechessupandtriedtoread。Hedidnotseemabletotakeanysortofinterestinreadingeither，soheputonhiscoatagainandwentoutforawalk。
Itwashorriblylonesomeanddismal，andallthepolicemenhemetregardedhimwithundisguisedsuspicion，andturnedtheirlanternsonhimandfollowedhimabout，andthishadsuchaneffectuponhimatlastthathebegantofeelasifhereallyhaddonesomething，andhegottoslinkingdowntheby-streetsandhidingindarkdoorwayswhenheheardtheregulationflip-flopapproaching。
Ofcourse，thisconductmadetheforceonlymoredistrustfulofhimthanever，andtheywouldcomeandrouthimoutandaskhimwhathewasdoingthere；andwhenheanswered，\"Nothing，\"hehadmerelycomeoutforastroll（itwasthenfouro\'clockinthemorning），theylookedasthoughtheydidnotbelievehim，andtwoplain-clothesconstablescamehomewithhimtoseeifhereallydidlivewherehehadsaidhedid。Theysawhimgoinwithhiskey，andthentheytookupapositionoppositeandwatchedthehouse。
Hethoughthewouldlightthefirewhenhegotinside，andmakehimselfsomebreakfast，justtopassawaythetime；buthedidnotseemabletohandleanythingfromascuttlefulofcoalstoateaspoonwithoutdroppingitorfallingoverit，andmakingsuchanoisethathewasinmortalfearthatitwouldwakeMrs。G。up，andthatshewouldthinkitwasburglarsandopenthewindowandcall\"Police！\"andthenthesetwodetectiveswouldrushinandhandcuffhim，andmarchhimofftothepolice-court。
Hewasinamorbidlynervousstatebythistime，andhepicturedthetrial，andhistryingtoexplainthecircumstancestothejury，andnobodybelievinghim，andhisbeingsentencedtotwentyyears\'penalservitude，andhismotherdyingofabrokenheart。Sohegaveuptryingtogetbreakfast，andwrappedhimselfupinhisovercoatandsatintheeasy-chairtillMrs。Gcamedownathalf-pastseven。
Hesaidhehadnevergotuptooearlysincethatmorning：ithadbeensuchawarningtohim。
WehadbeensittinghuddledupinourrugswhileGeorgehadbeentellingmethistruestory，andonhisfinishingitIsettoworktowakeupHarriswithascull。Thethirdproddidit：andheturnedoverontheotherside，andsaidhewouldbedowninaminute，andthathewouldhavehislace-upboots。Wesoonlethimknowwherehewas，however，bytheaidofthehitcher，andhesatupsuddenly，sendingMontmorency，whohadbeensleepingthesleepofthejustrightonthemiddleofhischest，sprawlingacrosstheboat。
Thenwepulledupthecanvas，andallfourofuspokedourheadsoutovertheoff-side，andlookeddownatthewaterandshivered。Theidea，overnight，hadbeenthatweshouldgetupearlyinthemorning，flingoffourrugsandshawls，and，throwingbackthecanvas，springintotheriverwithajoyousshout，andrevelinalongdeliciousswim。Somehow，nowthemorninghadcome，thenotionseemedlesstempting。Thewaterlookeddampandchilly：thewindfeltcold。
\"Well，who\'sgoingtobefirstin？\"saidHarrisatlast。
Therewasnorushforprecedence。Georgesettledthemattersofarashewasconcernedbyretiringintotheboatandpullingonhissocks。
Montmorencygaveventtoaninvoluntaryhowl，asifmerelythinkingofthethinghadgivenhimthehorrors；andHarrissaiditwouldbesodifficulttogetintotheboatagain，andwentbackandsortedouthistrousers。
Ididnotaltogetherliketogivein，thoughIdidnotrelishtheplunge。
Theremightbesnagsabout，orweeds，Ithought。Imeanttocompromisemattersbygoingdowntotheedgeandjustthrowingthewaterovermyself；soItookatowelandcreptoutonthebankandwormedmywayalongontothebranchofatreethatdippeddownintothewater。
Itwasbitterlycold。Thewindcutlikeaknife。IthoughtIwouldnotthrowthewaterovermyselfafterall。Iwouldgobackintotheboatanddress；andIturnedtodoso；and，asIturned，thesillybranchgaveway，andIandthetowelwentintogetherwithatremendoussplash，andI
wasoutmid-streamwithagallonofThameswaterinsidemebeforeIknewwhathadhappened。
\"ByJove！oldJ。\'sgonein，\"IheardHarrissay，asIcameblowingtothesurface。\"Ididn\'tthinkhe\'dhavetheplucktodoit。Didyou？\"
\"Isitallright？\"sungoutGeorge。
\"Lovely，\"Isplutteredback。\"Youareduffersnottocomein。I
wouldn\'thavemissedthisforworlds。Whywon\'tyoutryit？Itonlywantsalittledetermination。\"
ButIcouldnotpersuadethem。
Ratheranamusingthinghappenedwhiledressingthatmorning。IwasverycoldwhenIgotbackintotheboat，and，inmyhurrytogetmyshirton，Iaccidentallyjerkeditintothewater。Itmademeawfullywild，especiallyasGeorgeburstoutlaughing。Icouldnotseeanythingtolaughat，andItoldGeorgeso，andheonlylaughedthemore。Ineversawamanlaughsomuch。Iquitelostmytemperwithhimatlast，andI
pointedouttohimwhatadrivellingmaniacofanimbecileidiothewas；
butheonlyroaredthelouder。Andthen，justasIwaslandingtheshirt，Inoticedthatitwasnotmyshirtatall，butGeorge\'s，whichI
hadmistakenformine；whereuponthehumourofthethingstruckmeforthefirsttime，andIbegantolaugh。AndthemoreIlookedfromGeorge\'swetshirttoGeorge，roaringwithlaughter，themoreIwasamused，andIlaughedsomuchthatIhadtolettheshirtfallbackintothewateragain。
\"Ar\'n\'tyou-you-goingtogetitout？\"saidGeorge，betweenhisshrieks。
Icouldnotanswerhimatallforawhile，Iwaslaughingso，but，atlast，betweenmypealsImanagedtojerkout：
\"Itisn\'tmyshirt-it\'sYOURS！\"
Ineversawaman\'sfacechangefromlivelytoseveresosuddenlyinallmylifebefore。
\"What！\"heyelled，springingup。\"Yousillycuckoo！Whycan\'tyoubemorecarefulwhatyou\'redoing？Whythedeucedon\'tyougoanddressonthebank？You\'renotfittobeinaboat，you\'renot。Gimmethehitcher。\"
Itriedtomakehimseethefunofthething，buthecouldnot。Georgeisverydenseatseeingajokesometimes。
Harrisproposedthatweshouldhavescrambledeggsforbreakfast。Hesaidhewouldcookthem。Itseemed，fromhisaccount，thathewasverygoodatdoingscrambledeggs。Heoftendidthematpicnicsandwhenoutonyachts。Hewasquitefamousforthem。Peoplewhohadoncetastedhisscrambledeggs，sowegatheredfromhisconversation，nevercaredforanyotherfoodafterwards，butpinedawayanddiedwhentheycouldnotgetthem。
Itmadeourmouthswatertohearhimtalkaboutthethings，andwehandedhimoutthestoveandthefrying-panandalltheeggsthathadnotsmashedandgoneovereverythinginthehamper，andbeggedhimtobegin。
Hehadsometroubleinbreakingtheeggs-orrathernotsomuchtroubleinbreakingthemexactlyasingettingthemintothefrying-panwhenbroken，andkeepingthemoffhistrousers，andpreventingthemfromrunninguphissleeve；buthefixedsomehalf-a-dozenintothepanatlast，andthensquatteddownbythesideofthestoveandchiviedthemaboutwithafork。
Itseemedharassingwork，sofarasGeorgeandIcouldjudge。Wheneverhewentnearthepanheburnedhimself，andthenhewoulddropeverythinganddanceroundthestove，flickinghisfingersaboutandcursingthethings。Indeed，everytimeGeorgeandIlookedroundathimhewassuretobeperformingthisfeat。Wethoughtatfirstthatitwasanecessarypartoftheculinaryarrangements。
Wedidnotknowwhatscrambledeggswere，andwefanciedthatitmustbesomeRedIndianorSandwichIslandssortofdishthatrequireddancesandincantationsforitspropercooking。Montmorencywentandputhisnoseoveritonce，andthefatsplutteredupandscaldedhim，andthenhebegandancingandcursing。AltogetheritwasoneofthemostinterestingandexcitingoperationsIhaveeverwitnessed。GeorgeandIwerebothquitesorrywhenitwasover。
TheresultwasnotaltogetherthesuccessthatHarrishadanticipated。
Thereseemedsolittletoshowforthebusiness。Sixeggshadgoneintothefrying-pan，andallthatcameoutwasateaspoonfulofburntandunappetizinglookingmess。
Harrissaiditwasthefaultofthefrying-pan，andthoughtitwouldhavegonebetterifwehadhadafish-kettleandagas-stove；andwedecidednottoattemptthedishagainuntilwehadthoseaidstohousekeepingbyus。
Thesunhadgotmorepowerfulbythetimewehadfinishedbreakfast，andthewindhaddropped，anditwasaslovelyamorningasonecoulddesire。
Littlewasinsighttoremindusofthenineteenthcentury；and，aswelookedoutupontheriverinthemorningsunlight，wecouldalmostfancythatthecenturiesbetweenusandthatever-to-be-famousJunemorningof1215hadbeendrawnaside，andthatwe，Englishyeomen\'ssonsinhomespuncloth，withdirkatbelt，werewaitingtheretowitnessthewritingofthatstupendouspageofhistory，themeaningwhereofwastobetranslatedtothecommonpeoplesomefourhundredandoddyearslaterbyoneOliverCromwell，whohaddeeplystudiedit。
Itisafinesummermorning-sunny，soft，andstill。Butthroughtheairthererunsathrillofcomingstir。KingJohnhassleptatDuncroftHall，andallthedaybeforethelittletownofStaineshasechoedtotheclangofarmedmen，andtheclatterofgreathorsesoveritsroughstones，andtheshoutsofcaptains，andthegrimoathsandsurlyjestsofbeardedbowmen，billmen，pikemen，andstrange-speakingforeignspearmen。
Gay-cloakedcompaniesofknightsandsquireshaveriddenin，alltravel-
stainedanddusty。Andalltheeveninglongthetimidtownsmen\'sdoorshavehadtobequickopenedtoletinroughgroupsofsoldiers，forwhomtheremustbefoundbothboardandlodging，andthebestofboth，orwoebetidethehouseandallwithin；fortheswordisjudgeandjury，plaintiffandexecutioner，inthesetempestuoustimes，andpaysforwhatittakesbysparingthosefromwhomittakesit，ifitpleasesittodoso。
Roundthecamp-fireinthemarket-placegatherstillmoreoftheBarons\'
troops，andeatanddrinkdeep，andbellowforthroysteringdrinkingsongs，andgambleandquarrelastheeveninggrowsanddeepensintonight。Thefirelightshedsquaintshadowsontheirpiled-uparmsandontheiruncouthforms。Thechildrenofthetownstealroundtowatchthem，wondering；andbrawnycountrywenches，laughing，drawneartobandyale-
housejestandjibewiththeswaggeringtroopers，sounlikethevillageswains，who，nowdespised，standapartbehind，withvacantgrinsupontheirbroad，peeringfaces。Andoutfromthefieldsaround，glitterthefaintlightsofmoredistantcamps，asheresomegreatlord\'sfollowersliemustered，andtherefalseJohn\'sFrenchmercenarieshoverlikecrouchingwolveswithoutthetown。
Andso，withsentinelineachdarkstreet，andtwinklingwatch-firesoneachheightaround，thenighthaswornaway，andoverthisfairvalleyofoldThamehasbrokenthemorningofthegreatdaythatistoclosesobigwiththefateofagesyetunborn。
Eversincegreydawn，inthelowerofthetwoislands，justabovewherewearestanding，therehasbeengreatclamour，andthesoundofmanyworkmen。Thegreatpavilionbroughtthereyestereveisbeingraised，andcarpentersarebusynailingtiersofseats，while`prenticesfromLondontownaretherewithmany-colouredstuffsandsilksandclothofgoldandsilver。
Andnow，lo！downupontheroadthatwindsalongtheriver\'sbankfromStainestherecometowardsus，laughingandtalkingtogetherindeepgutturalbass，ahalf-a-scoreofstalwarthalbert-men-Barons\'men，these-andhaltatahundredyardsorsoaboveus，ontheotherbank，andleanupontheirarms，andwait。
Andso，fromhourtohour，marchupalongtheroadeverfreshgroupsandbandsofarmedmen，theircasquesandbreastplatesflashingbackthelonglowlinesofmorningsunlight，until，asfaraseyecanreach，thewayseemsthickwithglitteringsteelandprancingsteeds。Andshoutinghorsemenaregallopingfromgrouptogroup，andlittlebannersareflutteringlazilyinthewarmbreeze，andeverynowandthenthereisadeeperstirastheranksmakewayoneitherside，andsomegreatBarononhiswar-horse，withhisguardofsquiresaroundhim，passesalongtotakehisstationattheheadofhisserfsandvassals。
AnduptheslopeofCooper\'sHill，justopposite，aregatheredthewonderingrusticsandcurioustownsfolk，whohaverunfromStaines，andnonearequitesurewhatthebustleisabout，buteachonehasadifferentversionofthegreateventthattheyhavecometosee；andsomesaythatmuchgoodtoallthepeoplewillcomefromthisday\'swork；buttheoldmenshaketheirheads，fortheyhaveheardsuchtalesbefore。
AndalltheriverdowntoStainesisdottedwithsmallcraftandboatsandtinycoracles-whichlastaregrowingoutoffavournow，andareusedonlybythepoorerfolk。Overtherapids，whereinafteryearstrimBellWeirlockwillstand，theyhavebeenforcedordraggedbytheirsturdyrowers，andnowarecrowdingupasnearastheydarecometothegreatcoveredbarges，whichlieinreadinesstobearKingJohntowherethefatefulCharterwaitshissigning。
Itisnoon，andweandallthepeoplehavebeenwaitingpatientformanyanhour，andtherumourhasrunroundthatslipperyJohnhasagainescapedfromtheBarons\'grasp，andhasstolenawayfromDuncroftHallwithhismercenariesathisheels，andwillsoonbedoingotherworkthansigningchartersforhispeople\'sliberty。
Notso！Thistimethegripuponhimhasbeenoneofiron，andhehasslidandwriggledinvain。Fardowntheroadalittlecloudofdusthasrisen，anddrawsnearerandgrowslarger，andthepatteringofmanyhoofsgrowslouder，andinandoutbetweenthescatteredgroupsofdrawn-upmen，therepushesonitswayabrilliantcavalcadeofgay-dressedlordsandknights。Andfrontandrear，andeitherflank，thereridetheyeomenoftheBarons，andinthemidstKingJohn。
Heridestowherethebargeslieinreadiness，andthegreatBaronsstepforthfromtheirrankstomeethim。Hegreetsthemwithasmileandlaugh，andpleasanthoneyedwords，asthoughitweresomefeastinhishonourtowhichhehadbeeninvited。Butasherisestodismount，hecastsonehurriedglancefromhisownFrenchmercenariesdrawnupinthereartothegrimranksoftheBarons\'menthathemhimin。
Isittoolate？Onefierceblowattheunsuspectinghorsemanathisside，onecrytohisFrenchtroops，onedesperatechargeupontheunreadylinesbeforehim，andtheserebelliousBaronsmightruethedaytheydaredtothwarthisplans！Abolderhandmighthaveturnedthegameevenatthatpoint。HaditbeenaRichardthere！thecupoflibertymighthavebeendashedfromEngland\'slips，andthetasteoffreedomheldbackforahundredyears。
ButtheheartofKingJohnsinksbeforethesternfacesoftheEnglishfightingmen，andthearmofKingJohndropsbackontohisrein，andhedismountsandtakeshisseatintheforemostbarge。AndtheBaronsfollowin，witheachmailedhanduponthesword-hilt，andthewordisgiventoletgo。
Slowlytheheavy，bright-deckedbargesleavetheshoreofRunningmede。
Slowlyagainsttheswiftcurrenttheyworktheirponderousway，till，withalowgrumble，theygrateagainstthebankofthelittleislandthatfromthisdaywillbearthenameofMagnaChartaIsland。AndKingJohnhassteppedupontheshore，andwewaitinbreathlesssilencetillagreatshoutcleavestheair，andthegreatcornerstoneinEngland\'stempleoflibertyhas，nowweknow，beenfirmlylaid。
CHAPTERXII。
HENRYVIII。ANDANNEBOLEYN-DISADVANTAGESOFLIVINGINSAMEHOUSEWITH
PAIROFLOVERS-ATRYINGTIMEFORTHEENGLISHNATION-ANIGHTSEARCH
FORTHEPICTURESQUE-HOMELESSANDHOUSELESS-HARRISPREPARESTODIE-
ANANGELCOMESALONG-EFFECTOFSUDDENJOYONHARRIS-ALITTLE
SUPPER-LUNCH-HIGHPRICEFORMUSTARD-AFEARFULBATTLE-
MAIDENHEAD-SAILING-THREEFISHERS-WEARECURSED。
IWASsittingonthebank，conjuringupthisscenetomyself，whenGeorgeremarkedthatwhenIwasquiterested，perhapsIwouldnotmindhelpingtowashup；and，thusrecalledfromthedaysofthegloriouspasttotheprosaicpresent，withallitsmiseryandsin，Isliddownintotheboatandcleanedoutthefrying-panwithastickofwoodandatuftofgrass，polishingitupfinallywithGeorge\'swetshirt。
WewentovertoMagnaChartaIsland，andhadalookatthestonewhichstandsinthecottagethereandonwhichthegreatCharterissaidtohavebeensigned；though，astowhetheritreallywassignedthere，or，assomesay，ontheotherbankat\"Runningmede，\"Ideclinetocommitmyself。Asfarasmyownpersonalopiniongoes，however，Iaminclinedtogiveweighttothepopularislandtheory。Certainly，hadIbeenoneoftheBarons，atthetime，IshouldhavestronglyurgeduponmycomradestheadvisabilityofourgettingsuchaslipperycustomerasKingJohnontotheisland，wheretherewaslesschanceofsurprisesandtricks。
TherearetheruinsofanoldprioryinthegroundsofAnkerwykeHouse，whichisclosetoPicnicPoint，anditwasroundaboutthegroundsofthisoldpriorythatHenryVIII。issaidtohavewaitedforandmetAnneBoleyn。HealsousedtomeetheratHeverCastleinKent，andalsosomewherenearSt。Albans。ItmusthavebeendifficultforthepeopleofEnglandinthosedaystohavefoundaspotwherethesethoughtlessyoungfolkwereNOTspooning。
Haveyoueverbeeninahousewherethereareacouplecourting？Itismosttrying。Youthinkyouwillgoandsitinthedrawing-room，andyoumarchoffthere。Asyouopenthedoor，youhearanoiseasifsomebodyhadsuddenlyrecollectedsomething，and，whenyougetin，Emilyisoverbythewindow，fullofinterestintheoppositesideoftheroad，andyourfriend，JohnEdward，isattheotherendoftheroomwithhiswholesoulheldinthrallbyphotographsofotherpeople\'srelatives。
\"Oh！\"yousay，pausingatthedoor，\"Ididn\'tknowanybodywashere。\"
\"Oh！didn\'tyou？\"saysEmily，coldly，inatonewhichimpliesthatshedoesnotbelieveyou。
Youhangaboutforabit，thenyousay：
\"It\'sverydark。Whydon\'tyoulightthegas？\"
JohnEdwardsays，\"Oh！\"hehadn\'tnoticedit；andEmilysaysthatpapadoesnotlikethegaslitintheafternoon。
Youtellthemoneortwoitemsofnews，andgivethemyourviewsandopinionsontheIrishquestion；butthisdoesnotappeartointerestthem。Alltheyremarkonanysubjectis，\"Oh！\"\"Isit？\"\"Didhe？\"
\"Yes，\"and\"Youdon\'tsayso！\"And，aftertenminutesofsuchstyleofconversation，youedgeuptothedoor，andslipout，andaresurprisedtofindthatthedoorimmediatelyclosesbehindyou，andshutsitself，withoutyourhavingtouchedit。
Halfanhourlater，youthinkyouwilltryapipeintheconservatory。
TheonlychairintheplaceisoccupiedbyEmily；andJohnEdward，ifthelanguageofclothescanbereliedupon，hasevidentlybeensittingonthefloor。Theydonotspeak，buttheygiveyoualookthatsaysallthatcanbesaidinacivilisedcommunity；andyoubackoutpromptlyandshutthedoorbehindyou。
Youareafraidtopokeyournoseintoanyroominthehousenow；so，afterwalkingupanddownthestairsforawhile，yougoandsitinyourownbedroom。Thisbecomesuninteresting，however，afteratime，andsoyouputonyourhatandstrolloutintothegarden。Youwalkdownthepath，andasyoupassthesummer-houseyouglancein，andtherearethosetwoyoungidiots，huddledupintoonecornerofit；andtheyseeyou，andareevidentlyundertheideathat，forsomewickedpurposeofyourown，youarefollowingthemabout。
\"Whydon\'ttheyhaveaspecialroomforthissortofthing，andmakepeoplekeeptoit？\"youmutter；andyourushbacktothehallandgetyourumbrellaandgoout。
ItmusthavebeenmuchlikethiswhenthatfoolishboyHenryVIII。wascourtinghislittleAnne。PeopleinBuckinghamshirewouldhavecomeuponthemunexpectedlywhentheyweremooningroundWindsorandWraysbury，andhaveexclaimed，\"Oh！youhere！\"andHenrywouldhaveblushedandsaid，\"Yes；he\'djustcomeovertoseeaman；\"andAnnewouldhavesaid，\"Oh，I\'msogladtoseeyou！Isn\'titfunny？I\'vejustmetMr。HenryVIII。
inthelane，andhe\'sgoingthesamewayIam。\"
Thenthosepeoplewouldhavegoneawayandsaidtothemselves：\"Oh！we\'dbettergetoutofherewhilethisbillingandcooingison。We\'llgodowntoKent。\"
AndtheywouldgotoKent，andthefirstthingtheywouldseeinKent，whentheygotthere，wouldbeHenryandAnnefoolingroundHeverCastle。
\"Oh，dratthis！\"theywouldhavesaid。\"Here，let\'sgoaway。Ican\'tstandanymoreofit。Let\'sgotoSt。Albans-nicequietplace，St。
Albans。\"
AndwhentheyreachedSt。Albans，therewouldbethatwretchedcouple，kissingundertheAbbeywalls。Thenthesefolkswouldgoandbepiratesuntilthemarriagewasover。
FromPicnicPointtoOldWindsorLockisadelightfulbitoftheriver。
Ashadyroad，dottedhereandtherewithdaintylittlecottages，runsbythebankuptothe\"BellsofOuseley，\"apicturesqueinn，asmostup-
riverinnsare，andaplacewhereaverygoodglassofalemaybedrunk-
soHarrissays；andonamatterofthiskindyoucantakeHarris\'sword。
OldWindsorisafamousspotinitsway。EdwardtheConfessorhadapalacehere，andherethegreatEarlGodwinwasprovedguiltybythejusticeofthatageofhavingencompassedthedeathoftheKing\'sbrother。EarlGodwinbrokeapieceofbreadandhelditinhishand。
\"IfIamguilty，\"saidtheEarl，\"maythisbreadchokemewhenIeatit！\"
Thenheputthebreadintohismouthandswallowedit，anditchokedhim，andhedied。
AfteryoupassOldWindsor，theriverissomewhatuninteresting，anddoesnotbecomeitselfagainuntilyouarenearingBoveney。GeorgeandI
toweduppasttheHomePark，whichstretchesalongtherightbankfromAlberttoVictoriaBridge；andaswewerepassingDatchet，GeorgeaskedmeifIrememberedourfirsttripuptheriver，andwhenwelandedatDatchetatteno\'clockatnight，andwantedtogotobed。
IansweredthatIdidrememberit。ItwillbesometimebeforeIforgetit。
ItwastheSaturdaybeforetheAugustBankHoliday。Weweretiredandhungry，wesamethree，andwhenwegottoDatchetwetookoutthehamper，thetwobags，andtherugsandcoats，andsuchlikethings，andstartedofftolookfordiggings。Wepassedaveryprettylittlehotel，withclematisandcreeperovertheporch；buttherewasnohoneysuckleaboutit，and，forsomereasonorother，Ihadgotmymindfixedonhoneysuckle，andIsaid：
\"Oh，don\'tlet\'sgointhere！Let\'sgoonabitfurther，andseeifthereisn\'tonewithhoneysuckleoverit。\"
Sowewentontillwecametoanotherhotel。Thatwasaverynicehotel，too，andithadhoney-suckleonit，roundattheside；butHarrisdidnotlikethelookofamanwhowasleaningagainstthefrontdoor。Hesaidhedidn\'tlookanicemanatall，andheworeuglyboots：sowewentonfurther。Wewentagoodishwaywithoutcomingacrossanymorehotels，andthenwemetaman，andaskedhimtodirectustoafew。
Hesaid：
\"Why，youarecomingawayfromthem。Youmustturnrightroundandgoback，andthenyouwillcometotheStag。\"
Wesaid：
\"Oh，wehadbeenthere，anddidn\'tlikeit-nohoneysuckleoverit。\"
\"Well，then，\"hesaid，\"there\'stheManorHouse，justopposite。Haveyoutriedthat？\"
Harrisrepliedthatwedidnotwanttogothere-didn\'tlikethelooksofamanwhowasstoppingthere-Harrisdidnotlikethecolourofhishair，didn\'tlikehisboots，either。
\"Well，Idon\'tknowwhatyou\'lldo，I\'msure，\"saidourinformant；
\"becausetheyaretheonlytwoinnsintheplace。\"
\"Nootherinns！\"exclaimedHarris。
\"None，\"repliedtheman。
\"Whatoneartharewetodo？\"criedHarris。
ThenGeorgespokeup。HesaidHarrisandIcouldgetanhotelbuiltforus，ifweliked，andhavesomepeoplemadetoputin。Forhispart，hewasgoingbacktotheStag。
Thegreatestmindsneverrealisetheiridealsinanymatter；andHarrisandIsighedoverthehollownessofallearthlydesires，andfollowedGeorge。
WetookourtrapsintotheStag，andlaidthemdowninthehall。
Thelandlordcameupandsaid：
\"Goodevening，gentlemen。\"
\"Oh，goodevening，\"saidGeorge；\"wewantthreebeds，please。\"
\"Verysorry，sir，\"saidthelandlord；\"butI\'mafraidwecan\'tmanageit。\"
\"Oh，well，nevermind，\"saidGeorge，\"twowilldo。Twoofuscansleepinonebed，can\'twe？\"hecontinued，turningtoHarrisandme。
Harrissaid，\"Oh，yes；\"hethoughtGeorgeandIcouldsleepinonebedveryeasily。
\"Verysorry，sir，\"againrepeatedthelandlord：\"butwereallyhaven\'tgotabedvacantinthewholehouse。Infact，weareputtingtwo，andeventhreegentlemeninonebed，asitis。\"
Thisstaggeredusforabit。
ButHarris，whoisanoldtraveller，rosetotheoccasion，and，laughingcheerily，said：
\"Oh，well，wecan\'thelpit。Wemustroughit。Youmustgiveusashake-downinthebilliard-room。\"
\"Verysorry，sir。Threegentlemensleepingonthebilliard-tablealready，andtwointhecoffee-room。Can\'tpossiblytakeyouinto-
night。\"
Wepickedupourthings，andwentovertotheManorHouse。Itwasaprettylittleplace。IsaidIthoughtIshouldlikeitbetterthantheotherhouse；andHarrissaid，\"Oh，yes，\"itwouldbeallright，andweneedn\'tlookatthemanwiththeredhair；besides，thepoorfellowcouldn\'thelphavingredhair。
