Harrisspokequitekindlyandsensiblyaboutit。
ThepeopleattheManorHousedidnotwaittohearustalk。Thelandladymetusonthedoorstepwiththegreetingthatwewerethefourteenthpartyshehadturnedawaywithinthelasthourandahalf。Asforourmeeksuggestionsofstables，billiard-room，orcoal-cellars，shelaughedthemalltoscorn：allthesenookshadbeensnatcheduplongago。
Didsheknowofanyplaceinthewholevillagewherewecouldgetshelterforthenight？
\"Well，ifwedidn\'tmindroughingit-shedidnotrecommendit，mind-
buttherewasalittlebeershophalfamiledowntheEtonroad-\"
Wewaitedtohearnomore；wecaughtupthehamperandthebags，andthecoatsandrugs，andparcels，andran。Thedistanceseemedmorelikeamilethanhalfamile，butwereachedtheplaceatlast，andrushed，panting，intothebar。
Thepeopleatthebeershopwererude。Theymerelylaughedatus。Therewereonlythreebedsinthewholehouse，andtheyhadsevensinglegentlemenandtwomarriedcouplessleepingtherealready。Akind-heartedbargeman，however，whohappenedtobeinthetap-room，thoughtwemighttrythegrocer\'s，nextdoortotheStag，andwewentback。
Thegrocer\'swasfull。Anoldwomanwemetintheshopthenkindlytookusalongwithherforaquarterofamile，toaladyfriendofhers，whooccasionallyletroomstogentlemen。
Thisoldwomanwalkedveryslowly，andweweretwentyminutesgettingtoherladyfriend\'s。Sheenlivenedthejourneybydescribingtous，aswetrailedalong，thevariouspainsshehadinherback。
Herladyfriend\'sroomswerelet。FromtherewewererecommendedtoNo。
27。No。27wasfull，andsentustoNo。32，and32wasfull。
Thenwewentbackintothehighroad，andHarrissatdownonthehamperandsaidhewouldgonofurther。Hesaiditseemedaquietspot，andhewouldliketodiethere。HerequestedGeorgeandmetokisshismotherforhim，andtotellallhisrelationsthatheforgavethemanddiedhappy。
Atthatmomentanangelcamebyinthedisguiseofasmallboy（andI
cannotthinkofanymoreeffectivedisguiseanangelcouldhaveassumed），withacanofbeerinonehand，andintheothersomethingattheendofastring，whichheletdownontoeveryflatstonehecameacross，andthenpulledupagain，thisproducingapeculiarlyunattractivesound，suggestiveofsuffering。
Weaskedthisheavenlymessenger（aswediscoveredhimafterwardstobe）
ifheknewofanylonelyhouse，whoseoccupantswerefewandfeeble（oldladiesorparalysedgentlemenpreferred），whocouldbeeasilyfrightenedintogivinguptheirbedsforthenighttothreedesperatemen；or，ifnotthis，couldherecommendustoanemptypigstye，oradisusedlimekiln，oranythingofthatsort。Hedidnotknowofanysuchplace-
atleast，notonehandy；buthesaidthat，ifwelikedtocomewithhim，hismotherhadaroomtospare，andcouldputusupforthenight。
Wefelluponhisneckthereinthemoonlightandblessedhim，anditwouldhavemadeaverybeautifulpictureiftheboyhimselfhadnotbeensoover-poweredbyouremotionastobeunabletosustainhimselfunderit，andsunktotheground，lettingusalldownontopofhim。Harriswassoovercomewithjoythathefainted，andhadtoseizetheboy\'sbeer-canandhalfemptyitbeforehecouldrecoverconsciousness，andthenhestartedoffatarun，andleftGeorgeandmetobringontheluggage。
Itwasalittlefour-roomedcottagewheretheboylived，andhismother-
goodsoul！-gaveushotbaconforsupper，andweateitall-fivepounds-andajamtartafterwards，andtwopotsoftea，andthenwewenttobed。Thereweretwobedsintheroom；onewasa2ft。6in。trucklebed，andGeorgeandIsleptinthat，andkeptinbytyingourselvestogetherwithasheet；andtheotherwasthelittleboy\'sbed，andHarrishadthatalltohimself，andwefoundhim，inthemorning，withtwofeetofbarelegstickingoutatthebottom，andGeorgeandIusedittohangthetowelsonwhilewebathed。
Wewerenotsouppishaboutwhatsortofhotelwewouldhave，nexttimewewenttoDatchet。
Toreturntoourpresenttrip：nothingexcitinghappened，andwetuggedsteadilyontoalittlebelowMonkeyIsland，wherewedrewupandlunched。Wetackledthecoldbeefforlunch，andthenwefoundthatwehadforgottentobringanymustard。Idon\'tthinkIeverinmylife，beforeorsince，feltIwantedmustardasbadlyasIfeltIwanteditthen。Idon\'tcareformustardasarule，anditisveryseldomthatI
takeitatall，butIwouldhavegivenworldsforitthen。
Idon\'tknowhowmanyworldstheremaybeintheuniverse，butanyonewhohadbroughtmeaspoonfulofmustardatthatprecisemomentcouldhavehadthemall。IgrowrecklesslikethatwhenIwantathingandcan\'tgetit。
Harrissaidhewouldhavegivenworldsformustardtoo。Itwouldhavebeenagoodthingforanybodywhohadcomeuptothatspotwithacanofmustard，then：hewouldhavebeensetupinworldsfortherestofhislife。
Butthere！IdaresaybothHarrisandIwouldhavetriedtobackoutofthebargainafterwehadgotthemustard。Onemakestheseextravagantoffersinmomentsofexcitement，but，ofcourse，whenonecomestothinkofit，oneseeshowabsurdlyoutofproportiontheyarewiththevalueoftherequiredarticle。Iheardaman，goingupamountaininSwitzerland，oncesayhewouldgiveworldsforaglassofbeer，and，whenhecametoalittleshantywheretheykeptit，hekickedupamostfearfulrowbecausetheychargedhimfivefrancsforabottleofBass。Hesaiditwasascandalousimposition，andhewrotetotheTIMESaboutit。
Itcastagloomovertheboat，therebeingnomustard。Weateourbeefinsilence。Existenceseemedhollowanduninteresting。Wethoughtofthehappydaysofchildhood，andsighed。Webrightenedupabit，however，overtheapple-tart，and，whenGeorgedrewoutatinofpine-
applefromthebottomofthehamper，androlleditintothemiddleoftheboat，wefeltthatlifewasworthlivingafterall。
Weareveryfondofpine-apple，allthreeofus。Welookedatthepictureonthetin；wethoughtofthejuice。Wesmiledatoneanother，andHarrisgotaspoonready。
Thenwelookedfortheknifetoopenthetinwith。Weturnedouteverythinginthehamper。Weturnedoutthebags。Wepulleduptheboardsatthebottomoftheboat。Wetookeverythingoutontothebankandshookit。Therewasnotin-openertobefound。
ThenHarristriedtoopenthetinwithapocket-knife，andbroketheknifeandcuthimselfbadly；andGeorgetriedapairofscissors，andthescissorsflewup，andnearlyputhiseyeout。Whiletheyweredressingtheirwounds，Itriedtomakeaholeinthethingwiththespikyendofthehitcher，andthehitcherslippedandjerkedmeoutbetweentheboatandthebankintotwofeetofmuddywater，andthetinrolledover，uninjured，andbrokeateacup。
Thenweallgotmad。Wetookthattinoutonthebank，andHarriswentupintoafieldandgotabigsharpstone，andIwentbackintotheboatandbroughtoutthemast，andGeorgeheldthetinandHarrisheldthesharpendofhisstoneagainstthetopofit，andItookthemastandpoisedithighupintheair，andgatheredupallmystrengthandbroughtitdown。
ItwasGeorge\'sstrawhatthatsavedhislifethatday。Hekeepsthathatnow（whatisleftofit），and，ofawinter\'sevening，whenthepipesarelitandtheboysaretellingstretchersaboutthedangerstheyhavepassedthrough，Georgebringsitdownandshowsitround，andthestirringtaleistoldanew，withfreshexaggerationseverytime。
Harrisgotoffwithmerelyafleshwound。
Afterthat，Itookthetinoffmyself，andhammeredatitwiththemasttillIwaswornoutandsickatheart，whereuponHarristookitinhand。
Webeatitoutflat；webeatitbacksquare；webattereditintoeveryformknowntogeometry-butwecouldnotmakeaholeinit。ThenGeorgewentatit，andknockeditintoashape，sostrange，soweird，sounearthlyinitswildhideousness，thathegotfrightenedandthrewawaythemast。Thenweallthreesatrounditonthegrassandlookedatit。
Therewasonegreatdentacrossthetopthathadtheappearanceofamockinggrin，anditdroveusfurious，sothatHarrisrushedatthething，andcaughtitup，andflungitfarintothemiddleoftheriver，andasitsankwehurledourcursesatit，andwegotintotheboatandrowedawayfromthespot，andneverpausedtillwereachedMaidenhead。
Maidenheaditselfistoosnobbytobepleasant。Itisthehauntoftheriverswellandhisoverdressedfemalecompanion。Itisthetownofshowyhotels，patronisedchieflybydudesandballetgirls。Itisthewitch\'skitchenfromwhichgoforththosedemonsoftheriver-steam-
launches。TheLONDONJOURNALdukealwayshashis\"littleplace\"atMaidenhead；andtheheroineofthethree-volumenovelalwaysdinestherewhenshegoesoutonthespreewithsomebodyelse\'shusband。
WewentthroughMaidenheadquickly，andtheneasedup，andtookleisurelythatgrandreachbeyondBoulter\'sandCookhamlocks。ClievedenWoodsstillworetheirdaintydressofspring，androseup，fromthewater\'sedge，inonelongharmonyofblendedshadesoffairygreen。Initsunbrokenlovelinessthisis，perhaps，thesweeteststretchofalltheriver，andlingeringlyweslowlydrewourlittleboatawayfromitsdeeppeace。
Wepulledupinthebackwater，justbelowCookham，andhadtea；and，whenwewerethroughthelock，itwasevening。Astiffishbreezehadsprungup-inourfavour，forawonder；for，asaruleontheriver，thewindisalwaysdeadagainstyouwhateverwayyougo。Itisagainstyouinthemorning，whenyoustartforaday\'strip，andyoupullalongdistance，thinkinghoweasyitwillbetocomebackwiththesail。Then，aftertea，thewindveersround，andyouhavetopullhardinitsteethallthewayhome。
Whenyouforgettotakethesailatall，thenthewindisconsistentlyinyourfavourbothways。Butthere！thisworldisonlyaprobation，andmanwasborntotroubleasthesparksflyupward。
Thisevening，however，theyhadevidentlymadeamistake，andhadputthewindroundatourbackinsteadofinourface。Wekeptveryquietaboutit，andgotthesailupquicklybeforetheyfounditout，andthenwespreadourselvesabouttheboatinthoughtfulattitudes，andthesailbelliedout，andstrained，andgrumbledatthemast，andtheboatflew。
Isteered。
ThereisnomorethrillingsensationIknowofthansailing。Itcomesasneartoflyingasmanhasgottoyet-exceptindreams。Thewingsoftherushingwindseemtobebearingyouonward，youknownotwhere。Youarenolongertheslow，plodding，punythingofclay，creepingtortuouslyupontheground；youareapartofNature！Yourheartisthrobbingagainsthers！Hergloriousarmsareroundyou，raisingyouupagainstherheart！Yourspiritisatonewithhers；yourlimbsgrowlight！Thevoicesoftheairaresingingtoyou。Theearthseemsfarawayandlittle；andtheclouds，socloseaboveyourhead，arebrothers，andyoustretchyourarmstothem。
Wehadtherivertoourselves，exceptthat，farinthedistance，wecouldseeafishing-punt，mooredinmid-stream，onwhichthreefishermensat；
andweskimmedoverthewater，andpassedthewoodedbanks，andnoonespoke。
Iwassteering。
Aswedrewnearer，wecouldseethatthethreemenfishingseemedoldandsolemn-lookingmen。Theysatonthreechairsinthepunt，andwatchedintentlytheirlines。Andtheredsunsetthrewamysticlightuponthewaters，andtingedwithfirethetoweringwoods，andmadeagoldengloryofthepiled-upclouds。Itwasanhourofdeepenchantment，ofecstatichopeandlonging。Thelittlesailstoodoutagainstthepurplesky，thegloaminglayaroundus，wrappingtheworldinrainbowshadows；and，behindus，creptthenight。
Weseemedlikeknightsofsomeoldlegend，sailingacrosssomemysticlakeintotheunknownrealmoftwilight，untothegreatlandofthesunset。
Wedidnotgointotherealmoftwilight；wewentslapintothatpunt，wherethosethreeoldmenwerefishing。Wedidnotknowwhathadhappenedatfirst，becausethesailshutouttheview，butfromthenatureofthelanguagethatroseupupontheeveningair，wegatheredthatwehadcomeintotheneighbourhoodofhumanbeings，andthattheywerevexedanddiscontented。
Harrisletthesaildown，andthenwesawwhathadhappened。Wehadknockedthosethreeoldgentlemenofftheirchairsintoageneralheapatthebottomoftheboat，andtheywerenowslowlyandpainfullysortingthemselvesoutfromeachother，andpickingfishoffthemselves；andastheyworked，theycursedus-notwithacommoncursorycurse，butwithlong，carefully-thought-out，comprehensivecurses，thatembracedthewholeofourcareer，andwentawayintothedistantfuture，andincludedallourrelations，andcoveredeverythingconnectedwithus-good，substantialcurses。
Harristoldthemtheyoughttobegratefulforalittleexcitement，sittingtherefishingallday，andhealsosaidthathewasshockedandgrievedtohearmentheiragegivewaytotemperso。
Butitdidnotdoanygood。
Georgesaidhewouldsteer，afterthat。Hesaidamindlikemineoughtnottobeexpectedtogiveitselfawayinsteeringboats-betterletamerecommonplacehumanbeingseeafterthatboat，beforewejollywellallgotdrowned；andhetookthelines，andbroughtusuptoMarlow。
AndatMarlowwelefttheboatbythebridge，andwentandputupforthenightatthe\"Crown。\"
CHAPTERXIII。
MARLOW-BISHAMABBEY-THEMEDMENHAMMONKS-MONTMORENCYTHINKSHE
WILLMURDERANOLDTOMCAT-BUTEVENTUALLYDECIDESTHATHEWILLLETIT
LIVE-SHAMEFULCONDUCTOFAFOXTERRIERATTHECIVILSERVICESTORES-
OURDEPARTUREFROMMARLOW-ANIMPOSINGPROCESSION-THESTEAMLAUNCH，USEFULRECEIPTSFORANNOYINGANDHINDERINGIT-WEDECLINETODRINKTHE
RIVER-APEACEFULDOG-STRANGEDISAPPEARANCEOFHARRISANDAPIE。
MARLOWisoneofthepleasantestrivercentresIknowof。Itisabustling，livelylittletown；notverypicturesqueonthewhole，itistrue，buttherearemanyquaintnooksandcornerstobefoundinit，nevertheless-standingarchesintheshatteredbridgeofTime，overwhichourfancytravelsbacktothedayswhenMarlowManorownedSaxonAlgarforitslord，ereconqueringWilliamseizedittogivetoQueenMatilda，ereitpassedtotheEarlsofWarwickortoworldly-wiseLordPaget，thecouncilloroffoursuccessivesovereigns。
Thereislovelycountryroundaboutit，too，if，afterboating，youarefondofawalk，whiletheriveritselfisatitsbesthere。DowntoCookham，pasttheQuarryWoodsandthemeadows，isalovelyreach。DearoldQuarryWoods！withyournarrow，climbingpaths，andlittlewindingglades，howscentedtothishouryouseemwithmemoriesofsunnysummerdays！Howhauntedareyourshadowyvistaswiththeghostsoflaughingfaces！howfromyourwhisperingleavestheresoftlyfallthevoicesoflongago！
FromMarlowuptoSonningisevenfaireryet。GrandoldBishamAbbey，whosestonewallshaverungtotheshoutsoftheKnightsTemplars，andwhich，atonetime，wasthehomeofAnneofClevesandatanotherofQueenElizabeth，ispassedontherightbankjusthalfamileaboveMarlowBridge。BishamAbbeyisrichinmelodramaticproperties。Itcontainsatapestrybed-chamber，andasecretroomhidhighupinthethickwalls。TheghostoftheLadyHoly，whobeatherlittleboytodeath，stillwalksthereatnight，tryingtowashitsghostlyhandscleaninaghostlybasin。
Warwick，theking-maker，reststhere，carelessnowaboutsuchtrivialthingsasearthlykingsandearthlykingdoms；andSalisbury，whodidgoodserviceatPoitiers。Justbeforeyoucometotheabbey，andrightontheriver\'sbank，isBishamChurch，and，perhaps，ifanytombsareworthinspecting，theyarethetombsandmonumentsinBishamChurch。ItwaswhilefloatinginhisboatundertheBishambeechesthatShelley，whowasthenlivingatMarlow（youcanseehishousenow，inWeststreet），composedTHEREVOLTOFISLAM。
ByHurleyWeir，alittlehigherup，IhaveoftenthoughtthatIcouldstayamonthwithouthavingsufficienttimetodrinkinallthebeautyofthescene。ThevillageofHurley，fiveminutes\'walkfromthelock，isasoldalittlespotasthereisontheriver，dating，asitdoes，toquotethequaintphraseologyofthosedimdays，\"fromthetimesofKingSebertandKingOffa。\"Justpasttheweir（goingup）isDanes\'Field，wheretheinvadingDanesonceencamped，duringtheirmarchtoGloucestershire；andalittlefurtherstill，nestlingbyasweetcornerofthestream，iswhatisleftofMedmenhamAbbey。
ThefamousMedmenhammonks，or\"HellFireClub，\"astheywerecommonlycalled，andofwhomthenotoriousWilkeswasamember，wereafraternitywhosemottowas\"Doasyouplease，\"andthatinvitationstillstandsovertheruineddoorwayoftheabbey。Manyyearsbeforethisbogusabbey，withitscongregationofirreverentjesters，wasfounded，therestooduponthissamespotamonasteryofasternerkind，whosemonkswereofasomewhatdifferenttypetotherevellersthatweretofollowthem，fivehundredyearsafterwards。
TheCistercianmonks，whoseabbeystoodthereinthethirteenthcentury，worenoclothesbutroughtunicsandcowls，andatenoflesh，norfish，noreggs。Theylayuponstraw，andtheyroseatmidnighttomass。Theyspentthedayinlabour，reading，andprayer；andoveralltheirlivestherefellasilenceasofdeath，fornoonespoke。
Agrimfraternity，passinggrimlivesinthatsweetspot，thatGodhadmadesobright！StrangethatNature\'svoicesallaroundthem-thesoftsingingofthewaters，thewhisperingsoftherivergrass，themusicoftherushingwind-shouldnothavetaughtthematruermeaningoflifethanthis。Theylistenedthere，throughthelongdays，insilence，waitingforavoicefromheaven；andalldaylongandthroughthesolemnnightitspoketotheminmyriadtones，andtheyhearditnot。
FromMedmenhamtosweetHambledonLocktheriverisfullofpeacefulbeauty，but，afteritpassesGreenlands，theratheruninterestinglookingriverresidenceofmynewsagent-aquietunassumingoldgentleman，whomayoftenbemetwithabouttheseregions，duringthesummermonths，scullinghimselfalongineasyvigorousstyle，orchattinggeniallytosomeoldlock-keeper，ashepassesthrough-untilwelltheothersideofHenley，itissomewhatbareanddull。
WegotuptolerablyearlyontheMondaymorningatMarlow，andwentforabathebeforebreakfast；and，comingback，Montmorencymadeanawfulassofhimself。TheonlysubjectonwhichMontmorencyandIhaveanyseriousdifferenceofopinioniscats。Ilikecats；Montmorencydoesnot。
WhenImeetacat，Isay，\"PoorPussy！\"andstopdownandticklethesideofitshead；andthecatsticksupitstailinarigid，cast-ironmanner，archesitsback，andwipesitsnoseupagainstmytrousers；andallisgentlenessandpeace。WhenMontmorencymeetsacat，thewholestreetknowsaboutit；andthereisenoughbadlanguagewastedintensecondstolastanordinarilyrespectablemanallhislife，withcare。
Idonotblamethedog（contentingmyself，asarule，withmerelycloutinghisheadorthrowingstonesathim），becauseItakeitthatitishisnature。Fox-terriersarebornwithaboutfourtimesasmuchoriginalsininthemasotherdogsare，anditwilltakeyearsandyearsofpatienteffortonthepartofusChristianstobringaboutanyappreciablereformationintherowdinessofthefox-terriernature。
IrememberbeinginthelobbyoftheHaymarketStoresoneday，andallroundaboutmeweredogs，waitingforthereturnoftheirowners，whowereshoppinginside。Therewereamastiff，andoneortwocollies，andaSt。Bernard，afewretrieversandNewfoundlands，aboar-hound，aFrenchpoodle，withplentyofhairrounditshead，butmangyaboutthemiddle；abull-dog，afewLowtherArcadesortofanimals，aboutthesizeofrats，andacoupleofYorkshiretykes。
Theretheysat，patient，good，andthoughtful。Asolemnpeacefulnessseemedtoreigninthatlobby。Anairofcalmnessandresignation-ofgentlesadnesspervadedtheroom。
Thenasweetyoungladyentered，leadingameek-lookinglittlefox-
terrier，andlefthim，chainedupthere，betweenthebull-dogandthepoodle。Hesatandlookedabouthimforaminute。Thenhecastuphiseyestotheceiling，andseemed，judgingfromhisexpression，tobethinkingofhismother。Thenheyawned。Thenhelookedroundattheotherdogs，allsilent，grave，anddignified。
Helookedatthebull-dog，sleepingdreamlesslyonhisright。Helookedatthepoodle，erectandhaughty，onhisleft。Then，withoutawordofwarning，withouttheshadowofaprovocation，hebitthatpoodle\'snearfore-leg，andayelpofagonyrangthroughthequietshadesofthatlobby。
Theresultofhisfirstexperimentseemedhighlysatisfactorytohim，andhedeterminedtogoonandmakethingslivelyallround。Hesprangoverthepoodleandvigorouslyattackedacollie，andthecolliewokeup，andimmediatelycommencedafierceandnoisycontestwiththepoodle。ThenFoxeycamebacktohisownplace，andcaughtthebull-dogbytheear，andtriedtothrowhimaway；andthebull-dog，acuriouslyimpartialanimal，wentforeverythinghecouldreach，includingthehall-porter，whichgavethatdearlittleterriertheopportunitytoenjoyanuninterruptedfightofhisownwithanequallywillingYorkshiretyke。
Anyonewhoknowscaninenatureneedhardly，betoldthat，bythistime，alltheotherdogsintheplacewerefightingasiftheirhearthsandhomesdependedonthefray。Thebigdogsfoughteachotherindiscriminately；andthelittledogsfoughtamongthemselves，andfilleduptheirsparetimebybitingthelegsofthebigdogs。
Thewholelobbywasaperfectpandemonium，andthedinwasterrific。A
crowdassembledoutsideintheHaymarket，andaskedifitwasavestrymeeting；or，ifnot，whowasbeingmurdered，andwhy？Mencamewithpolesandropes，andtriedtoseparatethedogs，andthepoliceweresentfor。
Andinthemidstoftheriotthatsweetyoungladyreturned，andsnatchedupthatsweetlittledogofhers（hehadlaidthetykeupforamonth，andhadontheexpression，now，ofanew-bornlamb）intoherarms，andkissedhim，andaskedhimifhewaskilled，andwhatthosegreatnastybrutesofdogshadbeendoingtohim；andhenestledupagainsther，andgazedupintoherfacewithalookthatseemedtosay：\"Oh，I\'msogladyou\'vecometotakemeawayfromthisdisgracefulscene！\"
ShesaidthatthepeopleattheStoreshadnorighttoallowgreatsavagethingslikethoseotherdogstobeputwithrespectablepeople\'sdogs，andthatshehadagreatmindtosummonsomebody。
Suchisthenatureoffox-terriers；and，therefore，IdonotblameMontmorencyforhistendencytorowwithcats；buthewishedhehadnotgivenwaytoitthatmorning。
Wewere，asIhavesaid，returningfromadip，andhalf-wayuptheHighStreetacatdartedoutfromoneofthehousesinfrontofus，andbegantotrotacrosstheroad。Montmorencygaveacryofjoy-thecryofasternwarriorwhoseeshisenemygivenovertohishands-thesortofcryCromwellmighthaveutteredwhentheScotscamedownthehill-andflewafterhisprey。
HisvictimwasalargeblackTom。Ineversawalargercat，noramoredisreputable-lookingcat。Ithadlosthalfitstail，oneofitsears，andafairlyappreciableproportionofitsnose。Itwasalong，sinewy-
lookinganimal。Ithadacalm，contentedairaboutit。
Montmorencywentforthatpoorcatattherateoftwentymilesanhour；
butthecatdidnothurryup-didnotseemtohavegraspedtheideathatitslifewasindanger。Ittrottedquietlyonuntilitswould-beassassinwaswithinayardofit，andthenitturnedroundandsatdowninthemiddleoftheroad，andlookedatMontmorencywithagentle，inquiringexpression，thatsaid：
\"Yes！Youwantme？\"
Montmorencydoesnotlackpluck；buttherewassomethingaboutthelookofthatcatthatmighthavechilledtheheartoftheboldestdog。Hestoppedabruptly，andlookedbackatTom。
Neitherspoke；buttheconversationthatonecouldimaginewasclearlyasfollows：-
THECAT：\"CanIdoanythingforyou？\"
MONTMORENCY：\"No-no，thanks。\"
THECAT：\"Don\'tyoumindspeaking，ifyoureallywantanything，youknow。\"
MONTMORENCY（BACKINGDOWNTHEHIGHSTREET）：\"Oh，no-notatall-
certainly-don\'tyoutrouble。I-IamafraidI\'vemadeamistake。I
thoughtIknewyou。SorryIdisturbedyou。\"
THECAT：\"Notatall-quiteapleasure。Sureyoudon\'twantanything，now？\"
MONTMORENCY（STILLBACKING）：\"Notatall，thanks-notatall-verykindofyou。Goodmorning。\"
THECAT：\"Good-morning。\"
Thenthecatrose，andcontinuedhistrot；andMontmorency，fittingwhathecallshistailcarefullyintoitsgroove，camebacktous，andtookupanunimportantpositionintherear。
Tothisday，ifyousaytheword\"Cats！\"toMontmorency，hewillvisiblyshrinkandlookuppiteouslyatyou，asiftosay：
\"Pleasedon\'t。\"
Wedidourmarketingafterbreakfast，andrevictualledtheboatforthreedays。Georgesaidweoughttotakevegetables-thatitwasunhealthynottoeatvegetables。Hesaidtheywereeasyenoughtocook，andthathewouldseetothat；sowegottenpoundsofpotatoes，abushelofpeas，andafewcabbages。Wegotabeefsteakpie，acoupleofgooseberrytarts，andalegofmuttonfromthehotel；andfruit，andcakes，andbreadandbutter，andjam，andbaconandeggs，andotherthingsweforagedroundaboutthetownfor。
OurdeparturefromMarlowIregardasoneofourgreatestsuccesses。Itwasdignifiedandimpressive，withoutbeingostentatious。Wehadinsistedatalltheshopswehadbeentothatthethingsshouldbesentwithusthenandthere。Noneofyour\"Yes，sir，Iwillsendthemoffatonce：theboywillbedowntherebeforeyouare，sir！\"andthenfoolingaboutonthelanding-stage，andgoingbacktotheshoptwicetohavearowaboutthem，forus。Wewaitedwhilethebasketwaspacked，andtooktheboywithus。
Wewenttoagoodmanyshops，adoptingthisprincipleateachone；andtheconsequencewasthat，bythetimewehadfinished，wehadasfineacollectionofboyswithbasketsfollowingusaroundasheartcoulddesire；andourfinalmarchdownthemiddleoftheHighStreet，totheriver，musthavebeenasimposingaspectacleasMarlowhadseenformanyalongday。
Theorderoftheprocessionwasasfollows：-
Montmorency，carryingastick。
Twodisreputable-lookingcurs，friendsofMontmorency\'s。
George，carryingcoatsandrugs，andsmokingashortpipe。
Harris，tryingtowalkwitheasygrace，whilecarryingabulged-outGladstonebaginonehandandabottleoflime-juiceintheother。
Greengrocer\'sboyandbaker\'sboy，withbaskets。
Bootsfromthehotel，carryinghamper。
Confectioner\'sboy，withbasket。
Grocer\'sboy，withbasket。
Long-haireddog。
Cheesemonger\'sboy，withbasket。
Oddmancarryingabag。
Bosomcompanionofoddman，withhishandsinhispockets，smokingashortclay。
Fruiterer\'sboy，withbasket。
Myself，carryingthreehatsandapairofboots，andtryingtolookasifIdidn\'tknowit。
Sixsmallboys，andfourstraydogs。
Whenwegotdowntothelanding-stage，theboatmansaid：
\"Letmesee，sir；wasyoursasteam-launchorahouse-boat？\"
Onourinforminghimitwasadouble-scullingskiff，heseemedsurprised。
Wehadagooddealoftroublewithsteamlaunchesthatmorning。ItwasjustbeforetheHenleyweek，andtheyweregoingupinlargenumbers；
somebythemselves，sometowinghouseboats。Idohatesteamlaunches：I
supposeeveryrowingmandoes。IneverseeasteamlaunchbutIfeelI
shouldliketolureittoalonelypartoftheriver，andthere，inthesilenceandthesolitude，strangleit。
Thereisablatantbumptiousnessaboutasteamlaunchthathastheknackofrousingeveryevilinstinctinmynature，andIyearnforthegoodolddays，whenyoucouldgoaboutandtellpeoplewhatyouthoughtofthemwithahatchetandabowandarrows。Theexpressiononthefaceofthemanwho，withhishandsinhispockets，standsbythestern，smokingacigar，issufficienttoexcuseabreachofthepeacebyitself；andthelordlywhistleforyoutogetoutofthewaywould，Iamconfident，ensureaverdictof\"justifiablehomicide\"fromanyjuryofrivermen。
TheyusedtoHAVEtowhistleforustogetoutoftheirway。IfImaydoso，withoutappearingboastful，IthinkIcanhonestlysaythatouronesmallboat，duringthatweek，causedmoreannoyanceanddelayandaggravationtothesteamlaunchesthatwecameacrossthanalltheothercraftontheriverputtogether。
\"Steamlaunch，coming！\"oneofuswouldcryout，onsightingtheenemyinthedistance；and，inaninstant，everythingwasgotreadytoreceiveher。Iwouldtakethelines，andHarrisandGeorgewouldsitdownbesideme，allofuswithourbackstothelaunch，andtheboatwoulddriftoutquietlyintomid-stream。
Onwouldcomethelaunch，whistling，andonwewouldgo，drifting。Ataboutahundredyardsoff，shewouldstartwhistlinglikemad，andthepeoplewouldcomeandleanovertheside，androaratus；butweneverheardthem！Harriswouldbetellingusananecdoteabouthismother，andGeorgeandIwouldnothavemissedawordofitforworlds。
Thenthatlaunchwouldgiveonefinalshriekofawhistlethatwouldnearlybursttheboiler，andshewouldreverseherengines，andblowoffsteam，andswingroundandgetaground；everyoneonboardofitwouldrushtothebowandyellatus，andthepeopleonthebankwouldstandandshouttous，andalltheotherpassingboatswouldstopandjoinin，tillthewholeriverformilesupanddownwasinastateoffranticcommotion。AndthenHarriswouldbreakoffinthemostinterestingpartofhisnarrative，andlookupwithmildsurprise，andsaytoGeorge：
\"Why，George，blessme，ifhereisn\'tasteamlaunch！\"
AndGeorgewouldanswer：
\"Well，doyouknow，ITHOUGHTIheardsomething！\"
Uponwhichwewouldgetnervousandconfused，andnotknowhowtogettheboatoutoftheway，andthepeopleinthelaunchwouldcrowdroundandinstructus：
\"Pullyourright-you，youidiot！backwithyourleft。No，notYOU-
theotherone-leavethelinesalone，can\'tyou-now，bothtogether。
NOTTHATway。Oh，you-！\"
Thentheywouldloweraboatandcometoourassistance；and，afterquarterofanhour\'seffort，wouldgetuscleanoutoftheirway，sothattheycouldgoon；andwewouldthankthemsomuch，andaskthemtogiveusatow。Buttheyneverwould。
Anothergoodwaywediscoveredofirritatingthearistocratictypeofsteamlaunch，wastomistakethemforabeanfeast，andaskthemiftheywereMessrs。Cubit\'slotortheBermondseyGoodTemplars，andcouldtheylendusasaucepan。
Oldladies，notaccustomedtotheriver，arealwaysintenselynervousofsteamlaunches。IremembergoinguponcefromStainestoWindsor-astretchofwaterpeculiarlyrichinthesemechanicalmonstrosities-withapartycontainingthreeladiesofthisdescription。Itwasveryexciting。Atthefirstglimpseofeverysteamlaunchthatcameinview，theyinsistedonlandingandsittingdownonthebankuntilitwasoutofsightagain。Theysaidtheywereverysorry，butthattheyowedittotheirfamiliesnottobefool-hardy。
WefoundourselvesshortofwateratHambledonLock；sowetookourjarandwentuptothelock-keeper\'shousetobegforsome。
Georgewasourspokesman。Heputonawinningsmile，andsaid：
\"Oh，pleasecouldyouspareusalittlewater？\"
\"Certainly，\"repliedtheoldgentleman；\"takeasmuchasyouwant，andleavetherest。\"
\"Thankyousomuch，\"murmuredGeorge，lookingabouthim。\"Where-wheredoyoukeepit？\"
\"It\'salwaysinthesameplacemyboy，\"wasthestolidreply：\"justbehindyou。\"
\"Idon\'tseeit，\"saidGeorge，turninground。
\"Why，blessus，where\'syoureyes？\"wastheman\'scomment，ashetwistedGeorgeroundandpointedupanddownthestream。\"There\'senoughofittosee，ain\'tthere？\"
\"Oh！\"exclaimedGeorge，graspingtheidea；\"butwecan\'tdrinktheriver，youknow！\"
\"No；butyoucandrinkSOMEofit，\"repliedtheoldfellow。\"It\'swhatI\'vedrunkforthelastfifteenyears。\"
Georgetoldhimthathisappearance，afterthecourse，didnotseemasufficientlygoodadvertisementforthebrand；andthathewouldpreferitoutofapump。
Wegotsomefromacottagealittlehigherup。IdaresayTHATwasonlyriverwater，ifwehadknown。Butwedidnotknow，soitwasallright。
Whattheeyedoesnotsee，thestomachdoesnotgetupsetover。
Wetriedriverwateronce，lateronintheseason，butitwasnotasuccess。Wewerecomingdownstream，andhadpulleduptohaveteainabackwaternearWindsor。Ourjarwasempty，anditwasacaseofgoingwithoutourteaortakingwaterfromtheriver。Harriswasforchancingit。Hesaiditmustbeallrightifweboiledthewater。Hesaidthatthevariousgermsofpoisonpresentinthewaterwouldbekilledbytheboiling。SowefilledourkettlewithThamesbackwater，andboiledit；
andverycarefulweweretoseethatitdidboil。
Wehadmadethetea，andwerejustsettlingdowncomfortablytodrinkit，whenGeorge，withhiscuphalf-waytohislips，pausedandexclaimed：
\"What\'sthat？\"
\"What\'swhat？\"askedHarrisandI。
\"Whythat！\"saidGeorge，lookingwestward。
HarrisandIfollowedhisgaze，andsaw，comingdowntowardsusonthesluggishcurrent，adog。ItwasoneofthequietestandpeacefullestdogsIhaveeverseen。Inevermetadogwhoseemedmorecontented-
moreeasyinitsmind。Itwasfloatingdreamilyonitsback，withitsfourlegsstuckupstraightintotheair。ItwaswhatIshouldcallafull-bodieddog，withawell-developedchest。Onhecame，serene，dignified，andcalm，untilhewasabreastofourboat，andthere，amongtherushes，heeasedup，andsettleddowncosilyfortheevening。
Georgesaidhedidn\'twantanytea，andemptiedhiscupintothewater。
Harrisdidnotfeelthirsty，either，andfollowedsuit。Ihaddrunkhalfmine，butIwishedIhadnot。
IaskedGeorgeifhethoughtIwaslikelytohavetyphoid。
Hesaid：\"Oh，no；\"hethoughtIhadaverygoodchanceindeedofescapingit。Anyhow，Ishouldknowinaboutafortnight，whetherIhadorhadnot。
WewentupthebackwatertoWargrave。Itisashortcut，leadingoutoftheright-handbankabouthalfamileaboveMarshLock，andiswellworthtaking，beingapretty，shadylittlepieceofstream，besidessavingnearlyhalfamileofdistance。
Ofcourse，itsentranceisstuddedwithpostsandchains，andsurroundedwithnoticeboards，menacingallkindsoftorture，imprisonment，anddeathtoeveryonewhodaressetsculluponitswaters-Iwondersomeoftheseriparianboorsdon\'tclaimtheairoftheriverandthreateneveryonewithfortyshillingsfinewhobreathesit-butthepostsandchainsalittleskillwilleasilyavoid；andasfortheboards，youmight，ifyouhavefiveminutestospare，andthereisnobodyabout，takeoneortwoofthemdownandthrowthemintotheriver。
Half-wayupthebackwater，wegotoutandlunched；anditwasduringthislunchthatGeorgeandIreceivedratheratryingshock。
Harrisreceivedashock，too；butIdonotthinkHarris\'sshockcouldhavebeenanythinglikesobadastheshockthatGeorgeandIhadoverthebusiness。
Yousee，itwasinthisway：weweresittinginameadow，abouttenyardsfromthewater\'sedge，andwehadjustsettleddowncomfortablytofeed。
Harrishadthebeefsteakpiebetweenhisknees，andwascarvingit，andGeorgeandIwerewaitingwithourplatesready。
\"Haveyougotaspoonthere？\"saysHarris；\"Iwantaspoontohelpthegravywith。\"
Thehamperwasclosebehindus，andGeorgeandIbothturnedroundtoreachoneout。Wewerenotfivesecondsgettingit。Whenwelookedroundagain，Harrisandthepieweregone！
Itwasawide，openfield。Therewasnotatreeorabitofhedgeforhundredsofyards。Hecouldnothavetumbledintotheriver，becausewewereonthewatersideofhim，andhewouldhavehadtoclimboverustodoit。
GeorgeandIgazedallabout。Thenwegazedateachother。
\"Hashebeensnatcheduptoheaven？\"Iqueried。
\"They\'dhardlyhavetakenthepietoo，\"saidGeorge。
Thereseemedweightinthisobjection，andwediscardedtheheavenlytheory。
\"Isupposethetruthofthematteris，\"suggestedGeorge，descendingtothecommonplaceandpracticable，\"thattherehasbeenanearthquake。\"
Andthenheadded，withatouchofsadnessinhisvoice：\"Iwishhehadn\'tbeencarvingthatpie。\"
Withasigh，weturnedoureyesoncemoretowardsthespotwhereHarrisandthepiehadlastbeenseenonearth；andthere，asourbloodfrozeinourveinsandourhairstooduponend，wesawHarris\'shead-andnothingbuthishead-stickingboltuprightamongthetallgrass，thefaceveryred，andbearinguponitanexpressionofgreatindignation！
Georgewasthefirsttorecover。
\"Speak！\"hecried，\"andtelluswhetheryouarealiveordead-andwhereistherestofyou？\"
\"Oh，don\'tbeastupidass！\"saidHarris\'shead。\"Ibelieveyoudiditonpurpose。\"
\"Didwhat？\"exclaimedGeorgeandI。
\"Why，putmetosithere-darnsillytrick！Here，catchholdofthepie。\"
Andoutofthemiddleoftheearth，asitseemedtous，rosethepie-
verymuchmixedupanddamaged；and，afterit，scrambledHarris-
tumbled，grubby，andwet。
Hehadbeensitting，withoutknowingit，ontheveryvergeofasmallgully，thelonggrasshidingitfromview；andinleaningalittlebackhehadshotover，pieandall。
Hesaidhehadneverfeltsosurprisedinallhislife，aswhenhefirstfelthimselfgoing，withoutbeingabletoconjectureintheslightestwhathadhappened。Hethoughtatfirstthattheendoftheworldhadcome。
HarrisbelievestothisdaythatGeorgeandIplanneditallbeforehand。
Thusdoesunjustsuspicionfolloweventhemostblamelessfor，asthepoetsays，\"Whoshallescapecalumny？\"
Who，indeed！
CHAPTERXIV。
WARGRAVE-WAXWORKS-SONNING-OURSTEW-MONTMORENCYISSARCASTIC-
FIGHTBETWEENMONTMORENCYANDTHETEA-KETTLE-GEORGE\'SBANJOSTUDIES-
MEETWITHDISCOURAGEMENT-DIFFICULTIESINTHEWAYOFTHEMUSICAL
AMATEUR-LEARNINGTOPLAYTHEBAGPIPES-HARRISFEELSSADAFTER
SUPPER-GEORGEANDIGOFORAWALK-RETURNHUNGRYANDWET-THEREIS
ASTRANGENESSABOUTHARRIS-HARRISANDTHESWANS，AREMARKABLESTORY-
HARRISHASATROUBLEDNIGHT。
WEcaughtabreeze，afterlunch，whichtookusgentlyuppastWargraveandShiplake。Mellowedinthedrowsysunlightofasummer\'safternoon，Wargrave，nestlingwheretheriverbends，makesasweetoldpictureasyoupassit，andonethatlingerslongupontheretinaofmemory。
The\"GeorgeandDragon\"atWargraveboastsasign，paintedontheonesidebyLeslie，R。A。，andontheotherbyHodgsonofthatilk。Lesliehasdepictedthefight；Hodgsonhasimaginedthescene，\"AftertheFight\"-
George，theworkdone，enjoyinghispintofbeer。
Day，theauthorofSANDFORDANDMERTON，livedand-morecredittotheplacestill-waskilledatWargrave。InthechurchisamemorialtoMrs。SarahHill，whobequeathed1poundannually，tobedividedatEaster，betweentwoboysandtwogirlswho\"haveneverbeenundutifultotheirparents；whohaveneverbeenknowntoswearortotelluntruths，tosteal，ortobreakwindows。\"Fancygivingupallthatforfiveshillingsayear！Itisnotworthit。
Itisrumouredinthetownthatonce，manyyearsago，aboyappearedwhoreallyneverhaddonethesethings-oratallevents，whichwasallthatwasrequiredorcouldbeexpected，hadneverbeenknowntodothem-andthuswonthecrownofglory。HewasexhibitedforthreeweeksafterwardsintheTownHall，underaglasscase。
Whathasbecomeofthemoneysincenooneknows。Theysayitisalwayshandedovertothenearestwax-worksshow。
Shiplakeisaprettyvillage，butitcannotbeseenfromtheriver，beinguponthehill。TennysonwasmarriedinShiplakeChurch。
TheriveruptoSonningwindsinandoutthroughmanyislands，andisveryplacid，hushed，andlonely。Fewfolk，exceptattwilight，apairortwoofrusticlovers，walkalongitsbanks。`ArryandLordFitznoodlehavebeenleftbehindatHenley，anddismal，dirtyReadingisnotyetreached。Itisapartoftheriverinwhichtodreamofbygonedays，andvanishedformsandfaces，andthingsthatmighthavebeen，butarenot，confoundthem。
WegotoutatSonning，andwentforawalkroundthevillage。Itisthemostfairy-likelittlenookonthewholeriver。Itismorelikeastagevillagethanonebuiltofbricksandmortar。Everyhouseissmotheredinroses，andnow，inearlyJune，theywereburstingforthincloudsofdaintysplendour。IfyoustopatSonning，putupatthe\"Bull，\"behindthechurch。Itisaveritablepictureofanoldcountryinn，withgreen，squarecourtyardinfront，where，onseatsbeneaththetrees，theoldmengroupofaneveningtodrinktheiraleandgossipovervillagepolitics；
withlow，quaintroomsandlatticedwindows，andawkwardstairsandwindingpassages。
WeroamedaboutsweetSonningforanhourorso，andthen，itbeingtoolatetopushonpastReading，wedecidedtogobacktooneoftheShiplakeislands，andputupthereforthenight。Itwasstillearlywhenwegotsettled，andGeorgesaidthat，aswehadplentyoftime，itwouldbeasplendidopportunitytotryagood，slap-upsupper。Hesaidhewouldshowuswhatcouldbedoneuptheriverinthewayofcooking，andsuggestedthat，withthevegetablesandtheremainsofthecoldbeefandgeneraloddsandends，weshouldmakeanIrishstew。
Itseemedafascinatingidea。Georgegatheredwoodandmadeafire，andHarrisandIstartedtopeelthepotatoes。Ishouldneverhavethoughtthatpeelingpotatoeswassuchanundertaking。ThejobturnedouttobethebiggestthingofitskindthatIhadeverbeenin。Webegancheerfully，onemightalmostsayskittishly，butourlight-heartednesswasgonebythetimethefirstpotatowasfinished。Themorewepeeled，themorepeelthereseemedtobelefton；bythetimewehadgotallthepeeloffandalltheeyesout，therewasnopotatoleft-atleastnoneworthspeakingof。Georgecameandhadalookatit-itwasaboutthesizeofapea-nut。Hesaid：
\"Oh，thatwon\'tdo！You\'rewastingthem。Youmustscrapethem。\"
Sowescrapedthem，andthatwasharderworkthanpeeling。Theyaresuchanextraordinaryshape，potatoes-allbumpsandwartsandhollows。Weworkedsteadilyforfive-and-twentyminutes，anddidfourpotatoes。Thenwestruck。Wesaidweshouldrequiretherestoftheeveningforscrapingourselves。
Ineversawsuchathingaspotato-scrapingformakingafellowinamess。Itseemeddifficulttobelievethatthepotato-scrapingsinwhichHarrisandIstood，halfsmothered，couldhavecomeofffourpotatoes。
