Take，forinstance，oneofthemostdramaticreformsthathasbeencarriedthroughParliamentinthelifetimeofthisgeneration。Ithappenedshortlyafterthecoalstrike，ofunblessedmemory。Toyou，whohavebeenplungeduptotheneckineventsofamoretangledandtumbleddescription，thethingsIamgoingtotellyouofmayseemofsecondaryinterest，butafterallwehadtoliveinthemidstofthem。\"
SirLulworthinterruptedhimselfforamomenttosayafewkindwordstotheliqueurbrandyhehadjusttasted，andthemresumedhisnarrative。
\"Whetheronesympathiseswiththeagitationforfemalesuffrageornotonehastoadmitthatitspromotersshowedtirelessenergyandconsiderableenterpriseindevisingandputtingintoactionnewmethodsforaccomplishingtheirends。Asaruletheywereanuisanceandawearinesstotheflesh，butthereweretimeswhentheyvergedonthepicturesque。TherewasthefamousoccasionwhentheyenlivenedanddiversifiedthecustomarypageantryoftheRoyalprogresstoopenParliamentbylettingloosethousandsofparrots，whichhadbeencarefullytrainedtoscream\'Votesforwomen，\'andwhichcircledroundhisMajesty\'scoachinaclamorouscloudofgreen，andgreyandscarlet。Itwasreallyratherastrikingepisodefromthespectacularpointofview；unfortunately，however，foritsdevisers，thesecretoftheirintentionshadnotbeenwellkept，andtheiropponentsletlooseatthesamemomentarivalswarmofparrots，whichscreeched\'IDON\'Tthink\'andotherhostilecries，therebyrobbingthedemonstrationoftheunanimitywhichalonecouldhavemadeitpoliticallyimpressive。IntheprocessofrecapturethebirdslearnedaquantityofadditionallanguagewhichunfittedthemforfurtherserviceintheSuffragettecause；someofthegreenonesweresecuredbyardentHomeRulepropagandistsandtrainedtodisturbtheserenityofOrangemeetingsbypessimisticreflectionsonSirEdwardCarson\'sdestinationinthelifetocome。Infact，thebirdinpoliticsisafactorthatseemstohavecometostay；
quiterecently，atapoliticalgatheringheldinadimly-lightedplaceofworship，thecongregationgavearespectfulhearingfornearlytenminutestoajackdawfromWapping，undertheimpressionthattheywerelisteningtotheChancelloroftheExchequer，whowaslateinarriving。\"
\"ButtheSuffragettes，\"interruptedthenephew；\"whatdidtheydonext？\"
\"Afterthebirdfiasco，\"saidSirLulworth，\"themilitantsectionmadeademonstrationofamoreaggressivenature；theyassembledinforceontheopeningdayoftheRoyalAcademyExhibitionanddestroyedsomethreeorfourhundredofthepictures。Thisprovedanevenworsefailurethantheparrotbusiness；everyoneagreedthattherewasalwaysfartoomanypicturesintheAcademyExhibition，andthedrasticweedingoutofafewhundredcanvaseswasregardedasapositiveimprovement。Moreover，fromtheartists\'
pointofviewitwasrealisedthattheoutrageconstitutedasortofcompensationforthosewhoseworkswerepersistently\'skied\'，sinceoutofsightmeantalsooutofreach。AltogetheritwasoneofthemostsuccessfulandpopularexhibitionsthattheAcademyhadheldformanyyears。Thenthefairagitatorsfellbackonsomeoftheirearliermethods；theywrotesweetlyargumentativeplaystoprovethattheyoughttohavethevote，theysmashedwindowstoshowthattheymusthavethevote，andtheykickedCabinetMinisterstodemonstratethatthey\'dbetterhavethevote，andstillthecoldlyreasonedorunreasonedreplywasthatthey\'dbetternot。TheirplightmighthavebeensummedupinaperversionofGilbert\'slines-
\"Twentyvotelessmillionswe，Votelessallagainstourwill，TwentyyearshenceweshallbeTwentyvotelessmillionsstill。\"
Andofcoursethegreatideafortheirmaster-strokeofstrategycamefromamasculinesource。LenaDubarri，whowasthecaptain-
generaloftheirthinkingdepartment，metWaldoOrpingtonintheMalloneafternoon，justatatimewhenthefortunesoftheCausewereattheirlowestebb。WaldoOrpingtonisafrivolouslittlefoolwhochirrupsatdrawing-roomconcertsandcanrecognisebitsfromdifferentcomposerswithoutreferringtotheprogramme，butallthesameheoccasionallyhasideas。Hedidn\'tcareatwopennyfiddlestringabouttheCause，butheratherenjoyedtheideaofhavinghisfingerinthepoliticalpie。Alsoitispossible，thoughIshouldthinkhighlyimprobable，thatheadmiredLenaDubarri。
Anyhow，whenLenagavearathergloomyaccountoftheexistingstateofthingsintheSuffragetteWorld，Waldowasnotmerelysympatheticbutreadywithapracticalsuggestion。TurninghisgazewestwardalongtheMall，towardsthesettingsunandBuckinghamPalace，hewassilentforamoment，andthensaidsignificantly，\'Youhaveexpendedyourenergiesandenterpriseonlaboursofdestruction；whyhasitneveroccurredtoyoutoattemptsomethingfarmoreterrific？\'
\"\'Whatdoyoumean？\'sheaskedhimeagerly。
\"\'Create。\'
\"\'Doyoumeancreatedisturbances？We\'vebeendoingnothingelseformonths，\'shesaid。
\"Waldoshookhishead，andcontinuedtolookwestwardalongtheMall。He\'srathergoodatactinginanamateursortoffashion。
Lenafollowedhisgaze，andthenturnedtohimwithapuzzledlookofinquiry。
\"\'Exactly，\'saidWaldo，inanswertoherlook。
\"\'But——howcanwecreate？\'sheasked；\'it\'sbeendonealready。\'
\"\'DoitAGAIN，\'saidWaldo，\'andagainandagain——\'
\"Beforehecouldfinishthesentenceshehadkissedhim。Shedeclaredafterwardsthathewasthefirstmanshehadeverkissed，andhedeclaredthatshewasthefirstwomanwhohadeverkissedhimintheMall，sotheybothsecuredarecordofakind。
\"WithinthenextdayortwoanewdeparturewasnoticeableinSuffragettetactics。TheygaveupworryingMinistersandParliamentandtooktoworryingtheirownsympathisersandsupporters——forfunds。Theballot-boxwastemporarilyforgotteninthecultofthecollecting-box。Thedaughtersofthehorseleechwerenotmorepersistentintheirdemands，thefinanciersofthetotteringancienregimewerenotmoredesperateintheirexpedientsforraisingmoneythantheSuffragistworkersofallsectionsatthisjuncture，andinonewayandanother，byfairmeansandnormal，theyreallygottogetheraveryusefulsum。Whattheyweregoingtodowithitnooneseemedtoknow，noteventhosewhoweremostactiveincollectingwork。Thesecretonthisoccasionhadbeenwellkept。
Certaintransactionsthatleakedoutfromtimetotimeonlyaddedtothemysteryofthesituation。
\"\'Don\'tyoulongtoknowwhatwearegoingtodowithourtreasurehoard？\'LenaaskedthePrimeMinisteronedaywhenshehappenedtositnexttohimatawhistdriveattheChineseEmbassy。
\"\'Iwashopingyouweregoingtotryalittlepersonalbribery，\'herespondedbanteringly，butsomegenuineanxietyandcuriositylaybehindthelightnessofhischaff；\'ofcourseIknow，\'headded，\'thatyouhavebeenbuyingupbuildingsitesincommandingsituationsinandaroundtheMetropolis。Twoorthree，I\'mtold，areontheroadtoBrighton，andanothernearAscot。Youdon\'tmeantofortifythem，doyou？\'
\"\'Somethingmoreinsidiousthanthat，\'shesaid；\'youcouldpreventusfrombuildingforts；youcan\'tpreventusfromerectinganexactreplicaoftheVictoriaMemorialoneachofthosesites。They\'reallprivateproperty，withnobuildingrestrictionsattached。\'
\"\'Whichmemorial？\'heasked；\'nottheoneinfrontofBuckinghamPalace？Surelynotthatone？\'
\"\'Thatone，\'shesaid。
\"\'Mydearlady，\'hecried，\'youcan\'tbeserious。Itisabeautifulandimposingworkofart——atanyrateoneisgettingaccustomedtoit，andevenifonedoesn\'thappentoadmireitonecanalwayslookinanotherdirection。Butimaginewhatlifewouldbelikeifonesawthaterectionconfrontingonewhereveronewent。Imaginetheeffectonpeoplewithtired，harassednerveswhosawitthreetimesonthewaytoBrightonandthreetimesonthewayback。ImagineseeingitdominatethelandscapeatAscot，andtryingtokeepyoureyeoffitontheSandwichgolflinks。Whathaveyourcountrymendonetodeservesuchathing？\'
\"\'Theyhaverefusedusthevote，\'saidLenabitterly。
\"ThePrimeMinisteralwaysdeclaredhimselfanopponentofanythingsavouringofpaniclegislation，buthebroughtaBillintoParliamentforthwithandsuccessfullyappealedtobothHousestopassitthroughallitsstageswithintheweek。Andthatishowwegotoneofthemostgloriousmeasuresofthecentury。\"
\"Ameasureconferringthevoteonwomen？\"askedthenephew。
\"Ohdear，no。AnActwhichmadeitapenaloffencetoerectcommemorativestatuaryanywherewithinthreemilesofapublichighway。\"
EXCEPTINGMRS。PENTHERBY
ItwasReggieBruttle\'sownideaforconvertingwhathadthreatenedtobeanalbinoelephantintoabeastofburdenthatshouldhelphimalongthestonyroadofhisfinances。\"TheLimes，\"whichhadcometohimbyinheritancewithoutanyaccompanyingprovisionforitsupkeep，wasoneofthosepretentious，unaccommodatingmansionswhichnonebutamanofwealthcouldaffordtolivein，andwhichnotonewealthymaninahundredwouldchooseonitsmerits。Itmighteasilylanguishintheestatemarketforyears，setroundwithnoticeboardsproclaimingit，intheeyesofascepticalworld，tobeaneminentlydesirableresidence。
Reggie\'sschemewastoturnitintotheheadquartersofaprolongedcountry-houseparty，insessionduringthemonthsfromOctobertilltheendofMarch——apartyconsistingofyoungoryoungishpeopleofbothsexes，toopoortobeabletodomuchhuntingorshootingonaseriousscale，butkeenongettingtheirfillofgolf，bridge，dancing，andoccasionaltheatre-going。Noonewastobeonthefootingofapayingguest，buteveryonewastorankasapayinghost；acommitteewouldlookafterthecateringandexpenditure，andaninformalsub-committeewouldmakeitselfusefulinhelpingforwardtheamusementsideofthescheme。
Asitwasonlyanexperiment，therewastobeageneralagreementonthepartofthoseinvolvedinittobeaslenientandmutuallyhelpfultooneanotheraspossible。Alreadyapromisingnucleus，includingoneortwoyoungmarriedcouples，hadbeengottogether，andthethingseemedtobefairlylaunched。
\"Withgoodmanagementandalittleunobtrusivehardwork，Ithinkthethingoughttobeasuccess，\"saidReggie，andReggiewasoneofthosepeoplewhoarepainstakingfirstandoptimisticafterwards。
\"Thereisonerockonwhichyouwillunfailinglycometogrief，manageyouneversowisely，\"saidMajorDagberry，cheerfully；\"thewomenwillquarrel。Mindyou，\"continuedthisprophetofdisaster，\"Idon\'tsaythatsomeofthemenwon\'tquarreltoo，probablytheywill；butthewomenareboundto。Youcan\'tpreventit；it\'sinthenatureofthesex。Thehandthatrocksthecradlerockstheworld，inavolcanicsense。Awomanwillendurediscomforts，andmakesacrifices，andgowithoutthingstoanheroicextent，buttheoneluxuryshewillnotgowithoutisherquarrels。Nomatterwhereshemaybe，orhowtransientherappearanceonascene，shewillinstalherfemininefeudsasassuredlyasaFrenchmanwouldconcoctsoupinthewasteoftheArcticregions。Atthecommencementofaseavoyage，beforethemaletravellerknowshalfadozenofhisfellowpassengersbysight，theaveragewomanwillhavestartedacoupleofenmities，andlaidinmaterialforoneortwomore——provided，ofcourse，thattherearesufficientwomenaboardtopermitquarrellingintheplural。Ifthere\'snooneelseshewillquarrelwiththestewardess。Thisexperimentofyoursistorunforsixmonths；inlessthanfiveweekstherewillbewartotheknifedeclaringitselfinhalfadozendifferentdirections。\"
\"Oh，come，thereareonlyeightwomenintheparty；theywon\'tpickquarrelsquitesosoonasthat，\"protestedReggie。
\"Theywon\'talloriginatequarrels，perhaps，\"concededtheMajor，\"buttheywillalltakesides，andjustasChristmasisuponyou，withitsconventionsofpeaceandgoodwill，youwillfindyourselfinforaglacialepochofcold，unforgivinghostility，withanoccasionalEtnaflareofopenwarfare。Youcan\'thelpit，oldboy；
but，atanyrate，youcan\'tsayyouwerenotwarned。\"
ThefirstfiveweeksoftheventurefalsifiedMajorDagberry\'spredictionandjustifiedReggie\'soptimism。Therewere，ofcourse，occasionalsmallbickerings，andtheexistenceofcertainjealousiesmightbedetectedbelowthesurfaceofeverydayintercourse；but，onthewhole，thewomenfolkgotonremarkablywelltogether。Therewas，however，anotableexception。IthadnottakenfiveweeksforMrs。Pentherbytogetherselfcordiallydislikedbythemembersofherownsex；fivedayshadbeenamplysufficient。Mostofthewomendeclaredthattheyhaddetestedherthemomenttheyseteyesonher；
butthatwasprobablyanafterthought。
Withthemenfolkshegotonwellenough，withoutbeingofthetypeofwomanwhocanonlybaskinmalesociety；neitherwasshelackinginthegeneralqualitieswhichmakeanindividualusefulanddesirableasamemberofaco-operativecommunity。Shedidnottryto\"getthebetterof\"herfellow-hostsbysnatchinglittleadvantagesorcleverlyevadingherjustcontributions；shewasnotinclinedtobeboringorsnobbishinthewayofpersonalreminiscence。Sheplayedafairgameofbridge，andhercard-roommannerswereirreproachable。Butwherevershecameincontactwithherownsexthelightofbattlekindledatonce；hertalentofarousinganimosityseemedtoborderonpositivegenius。
Whethertheobjectofherattentionswasthick-skinnedorsensitive，quick-temperedorgood-natured，Mrs。Pentherbymanagedtoachievethesameeffect。Sheexposedlittleweaknesses，sheproddedsoreplaces，shesnubbedenthusiasms，shewasgenerallyrightinamatterofargument，or，ifwrong，shesomehowcontrivedtomakeheradversaryappearfoolishandopinionated。Shedid，andsaid，horriblethingsinamatter-of-factinnocentway，andshedid，andsaid，matter-of-factinnocentthingsinahorribleway。Inshort，theunanimousfeminineverdictonherwasthatshewasobjectionable。
Therewasnoquestionoftakingsides，astheMajorhadanticipated；
infact，dislikeofMrs。Pentherbywasalmostabondofunionbetweentheotherwomen，andmorethanonethreateningdisagreementhadbeenrapidlydissipatedbyherobviousandmaliciousattemptstoinflameandextendit；andthemostirritatingthingaboutherwashersuccessfulassumptionofunruffledcomposureatmomentswhenthetempersofheradversarieswerewithdifficultykeptundercontrol。
ShemadehermostscathingremarksinthetoneofatubeconductorannouncingthatthenextstationisBromptonRoad——themeasured，listlesstoneofonewhoknowsheisright，butisutterlyindifferenttothefactthatheproclaims。
OnoneoccasionMrs。ValGwepton，whowasnotblessedwiththemostreposefuloftemperaments，fairlyletherselfgo，andgaveMrs。
Pentherbyavividandtruthfulresumeofheropinionofher。Theobjectofthisunpentstormofaccumulatedanimositywaitedpatientlyforalull，andthenremarkedquietlytotheangrylittlewoman-
\"Andnow，mydearMrs。Gwepton，letmetellyousomethingthatI\'vebeenwantingtosayforthelasttwoorthreeminutes，onlyyouwouldn\'tgivenmeachance；you\'vegotahairpindroppingoutontheleftside。Youthin-hairedwomenalwaysfinditdifficulttokeepyourhairpinsin。\"
\"Whatcanonedowithawomanlikethat？\"Mrs。Valdemandedafterwardsofasympathisingaudience。
Ofcourse，Reggiereceivednumeroushintsastotheunpopularityofthisjarringpersonality。Hissister-in-lawopenlytackledhimonthesubjectofhermanyenormities。ReggielistenedwiththeattenuatedregretthatonebestowsonanearthquakedisasterinBoliviaoracropfailureinEasternTurkestan，eventswhichseemsodistantthatonecanalmostpersuadeoneselftheyhaven\'thappened。
\"Thatwomanhasgotsomeholdoverhim，\"opinedhissister-in-law，darkly；\"eithersheishelpinghimtofinancetheshow，andpresumesonthefact，orelse，whichHeavenforbid，he\'sgotsomequeerinfatuationforher。Mendotakethemostextraordinaryfancies。\"
Mattersnevercameexactlytoacrisis。Mrs。Pentherby，asasourceofpersonaloffence，spreadherselfoversowideanareathatnoonewomanofthepartyfeltimpelledtoriseupanddeclarethatsheabsolutelyrefusedtostayanotherweekinthesamehousewithher。
Whatiseverybody\'stragedyisnobody\'stragedy。Therewaseveracertainconsolationincomparingnotesastospecificactsofoffence。Reggie\'ssister-in-lawhadtheaddedinterestoftryingtodiscoverthesecretbondwhichbluntedhiscondemnationofMrs。
Pentherby\'slongcatalogueofmisdeeds。Therewaslittletogoonfromhismannertowardsherinpublic，butheremainedobstinatelyunimpressedbyanythingthatwassaidagainstherinprivate。
WiththeoneexceptionofMrs。Pentherby\'sunpopularity，thehouse-
partyschemewasasuccessonitsfirsttrial，andtherewasnodifficultyaboutreconstructingitonthesamelinesforanotherwintersession。Itsohappenedthatmostofthewomenoftheparty，andtwoorthreeofthemen，wouldnotbeavailableonthisoccasion，butReggiehadlaidhisplanswellaheadandbookedplentyof\"freshblood\"forthedeparture。Itwouldbe，ifanything，ratheralargerpartythanbefore。
\"I\'msosorryIcan\'tjointhiswinter，\"saidReggie\'ssister-in-
law，\"butwemustgotoourcousinsinIreland；we\'veputthemoffsooften。Whatashame！You\'llhavenoneofthesamewomenthistime。\"
\"ExceptingMrs。Pentherby，\"saidReggie，demurely。
\"Mrs。Pentherby！SURELY，Reggie，you\'renotgoingtobesoidioticastohavethatwomanagain！She\'llsetallthewomen\'sbacksupjustasshedidthistime。WhatISthismysteriousholdshe\'sgooveryou？\"
\"She\'sinvaluable，\"saidReggie；\"she\'smyofficialquarreller。\"
\"Your——whatdidyousay？\"gaspedhissister-in-law。
\"Iintroducedherintothehouse-partyfortheexpresspurposeofconcentratingthefeudsandquarrellingthatwouldotherwisehavebrokenoutinalldirectionsamongthewomenkind。Ididn\'tneedtheadviceandwarningofsundryfriendstoforeseethatweshouldn\'tgetthroughsixmonthsofclosecompanionshipwithoutacertainamountofpeckingandsparring，soIthoughtthebestthingwastolocaliseandsteriliseitinoneprocess。Ofcourse，Imadeitwellworththelady\'swhile，andasshedidn\'tknowanyofyoufromAdam，andyoudon\'tevenknowherrealname，shedidn\'tmindgettingherselfdislikedinausefulcause。\"
\"Youmeantosayshewasintheknowallthetime？\"
\"Ofcourseshewas，andsowereoneortwoofthemen，soshewasabletohaveagoodlaughwithusbehindthesceneswhenshe\'ddoneanythingparticularlyoutrageous。Andshereallyenjoyedherself。
Yousee，she\'sinthepositionofpoorrelationinaratherpugnaciousfamily，andherlifehasbeenlargelyspentinsmoothingoverotherpeople\'squarrels。Youcanimaginethewelcomereliefofbeingabletogoaboutsayinganddoingperfectlyexasperatingthingstoawholehousefulofwomen——andallinthecauseofpeace。\"
\"Ithinkyouarethemostodiouspersoninthewholeworld，\"saidReggie\'ssister-in-law。Whichwasnotstrictlytrue；morethananybody，morethanevershedislikedMrs。Pentherby。Itwasimpossibletocalculatehowmanyquarrelsthatwomanhaddoneheroutof。
MARK
AugustusMellowkentwasanovelistwithafuture；thatistosay，alimitedbutincreasingnumberofpeoplereadhisbooks，andthereseemedgoodreasontosupposethatifhesteadilycontinuedtoturnoutnovelsyearbyyearaprogressivelyincreasingcircleofreaderswouldacquiretheMellowkenthabit，anddemandhisworksfromthelibrariesandbookstalls。AttheinstigationofhispublisherhehaddiscardedthebaptismalAugustusandtakenthefrontnameofMark。
\"Womenlikeanamethatsuggestssomeonestrongandsilent，ablebutunwillingtoanswerquestions。Augustusmerelysuggestsidlesplendour，butsuchanameasMarkMellowkent，besidesbeingalliterative，conjuresupavisionofsomeonestrongandbeautifulandgood，asortofblendofGeorgesCarpentierandtheReverendWhat\'s-his-name。\"
OnemorninginDecemberAugustussatinhiswriting-room，atworkonthethirdchapterofhiseighthnovel。Hehaddescribedatsomelength，forthebenefitofthosewhocouldnotimagineit，whatarectorygardenlookslikeinJuly；hewasnowengagedindescribingatgreaterlengththefeelingsofayounggirl，daughterofalonglineofrectorsandarchdeacons，whenshediscoversforthefirsttimethatthepostmanisattractive。
\"Theireyesmet，forabriefmoment，ashehandedhertwocircularsandthefatwrapper-boundbulkoftheEastEssexNews。Theireyesmet，forthemerestfractionofasecond，yetnothingcouldeverbequitethesameagain。Costwhatitmightshefeltthatshemustspeak，mustbreaktheintolerable，unrealsilencethathadfallenonthem。\'Howisyourmother\'srheumatism？\'shesaid。\"
Theauthor\'slabourswerecutshortbythesuddenintrusionofamaidservant。
\"Agentlemantoseeyou，sir，\"saidthemaid，handingacardwiththenameCaiaphasDwelfinscribedonit；\"saysit\'simportant。\"
Mellowkenthesitatedandyielded；theimportanceofthevisitor\'smissionwasprobablyillusory，buthehadnevermetanyonewiththenameCaiaphasbefore。Itwouldbeatleastanewexperience。
Mr。Dwelfwasamanofindefiniteage；hishigh，narrowforehead，coldgreyeyes，anddeterminedmannerbespokeanunflinchingpurpose。Hehadalargebookunderhisarm，andthereseemedeveryprobabilitythathehadleftapackageofsimilarvolumesinthehall。Hetookaseatbeforeithadbeenofferedhim，placedthebookonthetable，andbegantoaddressMellowkentinthemannerofan\"openletter。\"
\"Youarealiteraryman，theauthorofseveralwell-knownbooks——\"
\"Iamengageonabookatthepresentmoment——ratherbusilyengaged，\"saidMellowkent，pointedly。
\"Exactly，\"saidtheintruder；\"timewithyouisacommodityofconsiderableimportance。Minutes，even，havetheirvalue。\"
\"Theyhave，\"agreedMellowkent，lookingathiswatch。
\"That，\"saidCaiaphas，\"iswhythisbookthatIamintroducingtoyournoticeisnotabookthatyoucanaffordtobewithout。\'RightHere\'isindispensableforthewritingman；itisnoordinaryencyclopaedia，orIshouldnottroubletoshowittoyou。Itisaninexhaustiblemineofconciseinformation——\"
\"Onashelfatmyelbow，\"saidtheauthor，\"IhavearowofreferencebooksthatsupplymewithalltheinformationIamlikelytorequire。\"
\"Here，\"persistedthewould-besalesman，\"youhaveitallinonecompactvolume。Nomatterwhatthesubjectmaybewhichyouwishtolookup，orthefactyoudesiretoverify，\'RightHere\'givesyouallthatyouwanttoknowinthebriefestandmostenlighteningform。Historicalreference，forinstance；careerofJohnHuss，letussay。Hereweare：\'Huss，John，celebratedreligiousreformer。
Born1369，burnedatConstance1415。TheEmperorSigismunduniversallyblamed。\'\"
\"IfhehadbeenburntinthesedayseveryonewouldhavesuspectedtheSuffragettes，\"observedMellowkent。
\"Poultry-keeping，now，\"resumedCaiaphas，\"that\'sasubjectthatmightcropupinanoveldealingwithEnglishcountrylife。Herewehaveallaboutit：\'TheLeghornasegg-producer。LackofmaternalinstinctintheMinorca。Gapesinchickens，itscauseandcure。
Ducklingsfortheearlymarket，howfattened。\'There，yousee，thereitallis，nothinglacking。\"
\"ExceptthematernalinstinctintheMinorca，andthatyoucouldhardlybeexpectedtosupply。\"
\"Sportingrecords，that\'simportant，too；nowhowmanymen，sportingmeneven，aretherewhocansayoff-handwhathorsewontheDerbyinanyparticularyear？Nowit\'sjustalittlethingofthatsort——\"
\"Mydearsir，\"interruptedMellowkent，\"thereareatleastfourmeninmyclubwhocannotonlytellmewhathorsewoninanygivenyear，butwhathorseoughttohavewonandwhyitdidn\'t。Ifyourbookcouldsupplyamethodforprotectingonefrominformationofthatsortitwoulddomorethananythingyouhaveyetclaimedforit。\"
\"Geography，\"saidCaiaphas，imperturbably；\"that\'sathingthatabusyman，writingathighpressure，mayeasilymakeaslipover。
Onlytheotherdayawell-knownauthormadetheVolgaflowintotheBlackSeainsteadoftheCaspian；now，withthisbook——\"
\"Onapolishedrose-woodstandbehindyoutherereposesareliableandup-to-dateatlas，\"saidMellowkent；\"andnowImustreallyaskyoutobegoing。\"
\"Anatlas，\"saidCaiaphas，\"givesmerelythechartoftheriver\'scourse，andindicatestheprincipaltownsthatitpasses。NowRightHeregivesyouthescenery，traffic，ferry-boatcharges，theprevalenttypesoffish，boatmen\'sslangterms，andhoursofsailingoftheprincipalriversteamers。Ifgivesyou——\"
Mellowkentsatandwatchedthehard-featured，resolute，pitilesssalesman，ashesatdoggedlyinthechairwhereinhehadinstalledhimself，unflinchinglyextollingthemeritsofhisundesiredwares。
Aspiritofwistfulemulationtookpossessionoftheauthor；whycouldhenotliveuptothecoldsternnamehehadadopted？Whymusthesithereweaklyandlistentothisweary，unconvincingtirade，whycouldhenotbeMarkMellowkentforafewbriefmoments，andmeetthismanonlevelterms？
Asuddeninspirationflashedacrosshis。
\"Haveyoureadmylastbook，TheCagelessLinnet？\"heasked。
\"Idon\'treadnovels，\"saidCaiaphastersely。
\"Oh，butyououghttoreadthisone，everyoneoughtto，\"exclaimedMellowkent，fishingthebookdownfromashelf；\"publishedatsixshillings，youcanhaveitatfour-and-six。ThereisabitinchapterfivethatIfeelsureyouwouldlike，whereEmmaisaloneinthebirchcopsewaitingforHaroldHuntingdon——thatisthemanherfamilywanthertomarry。Shereallywantstomarryhim，too，butshedoesnotdiscoverthattillchapterfifteen。Listen：\'Farastheeyecouldstretchrolledthemauveandpurplebillowsofheather，lituphereandtherewiththeglowingyellowofgorseandbroom，andedgedroundwiththedelicategreysandsilverandgreenoftheyoungbirchtrees。Tinyblueandbrownbutterfliesflutteredabovethefrondsofheather，revellinginthesunlight，andoverheadthelarksweresingingasonlylarkscansing。ItwasadaywhenallNature——\"
\"In\'RightHere\'youhavefullinformationonallbranchesofNaturestudy，\"brokeinthebookagent，withatirednotesoundinginhisvoiceforthefirsttime；\"forestry，insectlife，birdmigration，reclamationofwastelands。AsIwassaying，nomanwhohastodealwiththevariedinterestsoflife——\"
\"Iwonderifyouwouldcareforoneofmyearlierbooks，TheReluctanceofLadyCullumpton，\"saidMellowkent，huntingagainthroughthebookshelf；\"somepeopleconsideritmybestnovel。Ah，hereitis。Iseethereareoneortwospotsonthecover，soI
won\'taskmorethanthree-and-ninepenceforit。Doletmereadyouhowitopens：
\"\'BeatriceLadyCullumptonenteredthelong，dimly-litdrawing-room，hereyesblazingwithahopethatsheguessedtobegroundless，herlipstremblingwithafearthatshecouldnotdisguise。Inherhandshecarriedasmallfan，afragiletoyoflaceandsatinwood。
Somethingsnappedassheenteredtheroom；shehadcrushedthefanintoadozenpieces。\'
\"There，whatdoyouthinkofthatforanopening？Ittellsyouatoncethatthere\'ssomethingafoot。\"
\"Idon\'treadnovels，\"saidCaiaphassullenly。
\"Butjustthinkwhataresourcetheyare，\"exclaimedtheauthor，\"onlongwinterevenings，orperhapswhenyouarelaidupwithastrainedankle——athingthatmighthappentoanyone；orifyouwerestayinginahouse-partywithpersistentwetweatherandastupidhostessandinsufferablydullfellow-guests，youwouldjustmakeanexcusethatyouhadletterstowrite，gotoyourroom，lightacigarette，andforthree-and-ninepenceyoucouldplungeintothesocietyofBeatriceLadyCullumptonandherset。Nooneoughttotravelwithoutoneortwoofmynovelsintheirluggageasastand-
by。AfriendofminesaidonlytheotherdaythathewouldassoonthinkofgoingintothetropicswithoutquinineasofgoingonavisitwithoutacoupleofMarkMellowkentsinhiskit-bag。Perhapssensationismoreinyourline。IwonderifI\'vegotacopyofThePython\'sKiss。\"
Caiaphasdidnotwaittobetemptedwithselectionsfromthatthrillingworkoffiction。Withamutteredremarkabouthavingnotimetowasteonmonkey-talk，hegathereduphisslightedvolumeanddeparted。HemadenoaudiblereplytoMellowkent\'scheerful\"Goodmorning，\"butthelatterfanciedthatalookofrespectfulhatredflickeredinthecoldgreyeyes。
THEHEDGEHOG
A\"MixedDouble\"ofyoungpeoplewerecontestingagameoflawntennisattheRectorygardenparty；forthepastfive-and-twentyyearsatleastmixeddoublesofyoungpeoplehaddoneexactlythesamethingonexactlythesamespotataboutthesametimeofyear。
Theyoungpeoplechangedandmadewayforothersinthecourseoftime，butverylittleelseseemedtoalter。Thepresentplayersweresufficientlyconsciousofthesocialnatureoftheoccasiontobeconcernedabouttheirclothesandappearance，andsufficientlysport-lovingtobekeenonthegame。Boththeireffortsandtheirappearancecameunderthefourfoldscrutinyofaquartetofladiessittingasofficialspectatorsonabenchimmediatelycommandingthecourt。ItwasoneoftheacceptedconditionsoftheRectorygardenpartythatfourladies，whousuallyknewverylittleabouttennisandagreatdealabouttheplayers，shouldsitatthatparticularspotandwatchthegame。Ithadalsocometobealmostatraditionthattwoladiesshouldbeamiable，andthattheothertwoshouldbeMrs。DoleandMrs。Hatch-Mallard。
\"WhatasingularlyunbecomingwayEvaJonelethastakentodoingherhairin，\"saidMrs。Hatch-Mallard；\"it\'suglyhairatthebestoftimes，butsheneedn\'tmakeitlookridiculousaswell。Someoneoughttotellher。\"
EvaJonelet\'shairmighthaveescapedMrs。Hatch-Mallard\'scondemnationifshecouldhaveforgottenthemoreglaringfactthatEvawasMrs。Dole\'sfavouriteniece。Itwould，perhaps，havebeenamorecomfortablearrangementifMrs。Hatch-MallardandMrs。DolecouldhavebeenaskedtotheRectoryonseparateoccasions，buttherewasonlyonegardenpartyinthecourseoftheyear，andneitherladycouldhavebeenomittedfromthelistofinvitationswithouthopelesslywreckingthesocialpeaceoftheparish。
\"Howprettytheyewtreeslookatthistimeofyear，\"interposedaladywithasoft，silveryvoicethatsuggestedachinchillamuffpaintedbyWhistler。
\"Whatdoyoumeanbythistimeofyear？\"demandedMrs。Hatch-
Mallard。\"Yewtreeslookbeautifulatalltimesoftheyear。Thatistheirgreatcharm。\"
\"Yewtreesneverlookanythingbuthideousunderanycircumstancesoratanytimeofyear，\"saidMrs。Dole，withtheslow，emphaticrelishofonewhocontradictsforthepleasureofthething。\"Theyareonlyfitforgraveyardsandcemeteries。\"
Mrs。Hatch-Mallardgaveasardonicsnort，which，beingtranslated，meantthatthereweresomepeoplewhowerebetterfittedforcemeteriesthanforgardenparties。
\"Whatisthescore，please？\"askedtheladywiththechinchillavoice。
Thedesiredinformationwasgivenherbyayounggentlemaninspotlesswhiteflannels，whosegeneraltoileteffectsuggestedsolicituderatherthananxiety。
\"WhatanodiousyoungcubBertieDyksonhasbecome！\"pronouncedMrs。
Dole，rememberingsuddenlythatBertiewasafavouritewithMrs。
Hatch-Mallard。\"Theyoungmenofto-dayarenotwhattheyusedtobetwentyyearsago。\"
\"Ofcoursenot，\"saidMrs。Hatch-Mallard；\"twentyyearsagoBertieDyksonwasjusttwoyearsold，andyoumustexpectsomedifferenceinappearanceandmannerandconversationbetweenthosetwoperiods。\"
\"Doyouknow，\"saidMrs。Dole，confidentially，\"Ishouldn\'tbesurprisedifthatwasintendedtobeclever。\"
\"Haveyouanyoneinterestingcomingtostaywithyou，Mrs。
Norbury？\"askedthechinchillavoice，hastily；\"yougenerallyhaveahousepartyatthistimeofyear。\"
\"I\'vegotamostinterestingwomancoming，\"saidMrs。Norbury，whohadbeenmutelystrugglingforsomechancetoturntheconversationintoasafechannel；\"anoldacquaintanceofmine，AdaBleek——\"
\"Whatanuglyname，\"saidMrs。Hatch-Mallard。
\"She\'sdescendedfromthedelaBliques，anoldHuguenotfamilyofTouraine，youknow。\"
\"Thereweren\'tanyHuguenotsinTouraine，\"saidMrs。Hatch-Mallard，whothoughtshemightsafelydisputeanyfactthatwasthreehundredyearsold。
\"Well，anyhow，she\'scomingtostaywithme，\"continuedMrs。
Norbury，bringingherstoryquicklydowntothepresentday，\"shearrivesthisevening，andshe\'shighlyclairvoyante，aseventhdaughterofaseventhdaughter，younow，andallthatsortofthing。\"
\"Howveryinteresting，\"saidthechinchillavoice；\"Exwoodisjusttherightplaceforhertocometo，isn\'tit？Therearesupposedtobeseveralghoststhere。\"
\"Thatiswhyshewassoanxioustocome，\"saidMrs。Norbury；\"sheputoffanotherengagementinordertoacceptmyinvitation。She\'shadvisionsanddreams，andallthosesortofthings，thathavecometrueinamostmarvellousmanner，butshe\'sneveractuallyseenaghost，andshe\'slongingtohavethatexperience。ShebelongstothatResearchSociety，youknow。\"
\"Iexpectshe\'llseetheunhappyLadyCullumpton，themostfamousofalltheExwoodghosts，\"saidMrs。Dole；\"myancestor，youknow，SirGervaseCullumpton，murderedhisyoungbrideinafitofjealousywhiletheywereonavisittoExwood。Hestrangledherinthestableswithastirrupleather，justaftertheyhadcomeinfromriding，andsheisseensometimesatduskgoingaboutthelawnsandthestableyard，inalonggreenhabit，moaningandtryingtogetthethongfromroundherthroat。Ishallbemostinterestedtohearifyourfriendsees——\"
\"Idon\'tknowwhysheshouldbeexpectedtoseeatrashy，traditionalapparitionliketheso-calledCullumptonghost，thatisonlyvouchedforbyhousemaidsandtipsystable-boys，whenmyuncle，whowastheownerofExwood，committedsuicidethereunderthemosttragicalcircumstances，andmostcertainlyhauntstheplace。\"
\"Mrs。Hatch-MallardhasevidentlyneverreadPopple\'sCountyHistory，\"saidMrs。Doleicily，\"orshewouldknowthattheCullumptonghosthasawealthofevidencebehindit——\"
\"Oh，Popple！\"exclaimedMrs。Hatch-Mallardscornfully；\"anyrubbishyoldstoryisgoodenoughforhim。Popple，indeed！Nowmyuncle\'sghostwasseenbyaRuralDean，whowasalsoaJusticeofthePeace。
Ishouldthinkthatwouldbegoodenoughtestimonyforanyone。
Mrs。Norbury，Ishalltakeitasadeliberatepersonalaffrontifyourclairvoyantefriendseesanyotherghostexceptthatofmyuncle。\"
\"Idaresayshewon\'tseeanythingatall；sheneverhasyet，youknow，\"saidMrs。Norburyhopefully。
\"Itwasamostunfortunatetopicformetohavebroached，\"shelamentedafterwardstotheownerofthechinchillavoice；\"ExwoodbelongstoMrs。Hatch-Mallard，andwe\'veonlygotitonashortlease。Anephewofhershasbeenwantingtolivethereforsometime，andifweoffendherinanywayshe\'llrefusetorenewthelease。Isometimesthinkthesegarden-partiesareamistake。\"
TheNorburysplayedbridgeforthenextthreenightstillnearlyoneo\'clock；theydidnotcareforthegame，butitreducedthetimeattheirguest\'sdisposalforundesirableghostlyvisitations。
\"MissBleekisnotlikelytobeinaframeofmindtoseeghosts，\"
saidHugoNorbury，\"ifshegoestobedwithherbrainawhirlwithroyalspadesandnotrumpsandgrandslams。\"
\"I\'vetalkedtoherforhoursaboutMrs。Hatch-Mallard\'suncle，\"
saidhiswife，\"andpointedouttheexactspotwherehekilledhimself，andinventedallsortsofimpressivedetails，andI\'vefoundanoldportraitofLordJohnRussellandputitinherroom，andtoldherthatit\'ssupposedtobeapictureoftheuncleinmiddleage。IfAdadoesseeaghostatallitcertainlyoughttobeoldHatch-Mallard\'s。Atanyrate，we\'vedoneourbest。\"
Theprecautionswereinvain。OnthethirdmorningofherstayAdaBleekcamedownlatetobreakfast，hereyeslookingverytired，butablazewithexcitement，herhairdoneanyhow，andalargebrownvolumehuggedunderherarm。
\"AtlastI\'veseensomethingsupernatural！\"sheexclaimed，andgaveMrs。Norburyaferventkiss，asthoughingratitudefortheopportunityaffordedher。
\"Aghost！\"criedMrs。Norbury，\"notreally！\"
\"Reallyandunmistakably！\"
\"Wasitanoldishmaninthedressofaboutfiftyyearsago？\"askedMrs。Norburyhopefully。
\"Nothingofthesort，\"saidAda；\"itwasawhitehedgehog。\"
\"Awhitehedgehog！\"exclaimedboththeNorburys，intonesofdisconcertedastonishment。
\"Ahugewhitehedgehogwithbalefulyelloweyes，\"saidAda；\"IwaslyinghalfasleepinbedwhensuddenlyIfeltasensationasofsomethingsinisterandunaccountablepassingthroughtheroom。I
satupandlookedround，andthere，underthewindow，Isawanevil，creepingthing，asortofmonstroushedgehog，ofadirtywhitecolour，withblack，loathsomeclawsthatclickedandscrapedalongthefloor，andnarrow，yelloweyesofindescribableevil。Itslitheredalongforayardortwo，alwayslookingatmewithitscruel，hideouseyes，then，whenitreachedthesecondwindow，whichwasopenitclamberedupthesillandvanished。Igotupatonceandwenttothewindow；therewasn\'tasignofitanywhere。Ofcourse，Iknewitmustbesomethingfromanotherworld，butitwasnottillIturnedupPopple\'schapteronlocaltraditionsthatI
realisedwhatIhadseen。\"
Sheturnedeagerlytothelargebrownvolumeandread：\"\'NicholasHerison，anoldmiser，washungatBatchfordin1763forthemurderofafarmladwhohadaccidentallydiscoveredhissecrethoard。Hisghostissupposedtotraversethecountryside，appearingsometimesasawhiteowl，sometimesasahugewhitehedgehog。\"
\"IexpectyoureadthePopplestoryovernight，andthatmadeyouTHINKyousawahedgehogwhenyouwereonlyhalfawake，\"saidMrs。
Norbury，hazardingaconjecturethatprobablycameverynearthetruth。
Adascoutedthepossibilityofsuchasolutionofherapparition。
\"Thismustbehushedup，\"saidMrs。Norburyquickly；\"theservants——
\"
\"Hushedup！\"exclaimedAda，indignantly；\"I\'mwritingalongreportonitfortheResearchSociety。\"
ItwasthenthatHugoNorbury，whoisnotnaturallyamanofbrilliantresource，hadoneofthereallyusefulinspirationsofhislife。
\"Itwasverywickedofus，MissBleek，\"hesaid，\"butitwouldbeashametoletitgofurther。Thatwhitehedgehogisanoldjokeofours；stuffedalbinohedgehog，youknow，thatmyfatherbroughthomefromJamaica，wheretheygrowtoenormoussize。Wehideitintheroomwithastringonit，runoneendofthestringthroughthewindow；thenwepulliffrombelowanditcomesscrapingalongthefloor，justasyou\'vedescribed，andfinallyjerksoutofthewindow。Takeninheapsofpeople；theyallreadupPoppleandthinkit\'soldHarryNicholson\'sghost；wealwaysstopthemfromwritingtothepapersaboutit，though。Thatwouldbecarryingmatterstoofar。\"
Mrs。Hatch-Mallardrenewedtheleaseinduecourse，butAdaBleekhasneverrenewedherfriendship。
