THEPRINCIPALCHARACTERINTHESTORY
I。
Ifyou（presumingyouareofthesexthatdoessuchthings）——ifyouhadgoneintotheDraperyEmporium——whichisreallyonlymagnificentforshop——ofMessrs。Antrobus&Co。——aperfectlyfictitious\"Co。，\"bythebye——ofPutney，onthe14thofAugust，1895，hadturnedtotheright—handside，wheretheblocksofwhitelinenandpilesofblanketsriseuptotherailfromwhichthepinkandblueprintsdepend，youmighthavebeenservedbythecentralfigureofthisstorythatisnowbeginning。Hewouldhavecomeforward，bowingandswaying，hewouldhaveextendedtwohandswithlargishknucklesandenormouscuffsoverthecounter，andhewouldhaveaskedyou，protrudingapointedchinandwithouttheslightestanticipationofpleasureinhismanner，whathemighthavethepleasureofshowingyou。Undercertaincircumstances——as，forinstance，hats，babylinen，gloves，silks，lace，orcurtains——hewouldsimplyhavebowedpolitely，andwithadroopingexpression，andmakingakindofcircularsweep，invitedyouto\"stepthisway，\"andsoledyoubeyondhisken;
butunderotherandhappierconditions，——huckaback，blankets，dimity，cretonne，linen，calico，arecasesinpoint，——hewouldhaverequestedyoutotakeaseat，emphasisingthehospitalitybyleaningoverthecounterandgrippingachairbackinaspasmodicmanner，andsoproceededtoobtain，unfold，andexhibithisgoodsforyourconsideration。Underwhichhappiercircumstancesyoumight——ifofanobservingturnofmindandnottoomuchofahousewifetobeinhuman——havegiventhecentralfigureofthisstorylesscursoryattention。
Nowifyouhadnoticedanythingabouthim，itwouldhavebeenchieflytonoticehowlittlehewasnoticeable。Heworetheblackmorningcoat，theblacktie，andthespeckledgreynetherparts（descendingintoshadowandmysterybelowthecounter）ofhiscraft。Hewasofapallidcomplexion，hairofakindofdirtyfairness，greyisheyes，andaskimpy，immaturemoustacheunderhispeakedindeterminatenose。Hisfeatureswereallsmall，butnoneill—shaped。Arosetteofpinsdecoratedthelappelofhiscoat。Hisremarks，youwouldobserve，wereentirelywhatpeopleusedtocallcliche，formulaenotorganictotheoccasion，butstereotypedagesagoandlearntyearssincebyheart。\"This，madam，\"hewouldsay，\"issellingverywell\"\"Wearedoingaverygoodarticleatfourthreeayard。\"\"Wecouldshowyousome。
thingbetter，ofcourse。\"\"Notrouble，madam，Iassureyou。\"Suchwerethesimplecountersofhisintercourse。So，Isay，hewouldhavepresentedhimselftoyoursuperficialobservation。Hewouldhavedancedaboutbehindthecounter，haveneatlyrefoldedthegoodshehadshownyou，haveputononesidethoseyouselected，extractedalittlebookwithacarbonleafandatinfoilsheetfromafixture，madeyououtalittlebillinthatweakflourishinghandpeculiartodrapers，andhavebawled\"Sayn！\"
Thenapuffylittleshop—walkerwouldhavecomeintoview，lookedatthebillforasecond，veryhard（showingyouapartingdownthemiddleofhisheadmeanwhile），havescribbledastillmoreflourishingJ。M。alloverthedocument，haveaskedyouiftherewasnothingmore，havestoodbyyou——supposingthatyouwerepayingcash——untilthecentralfigureofthisstoryreappearedwiththechange。Oneglancemoreathim，andthepuffylittleshop—walkerwouldhavebeenbowingyouout，withfountainsofcivilitiesatworkallaboutyou。Andsotheinterviewwouldhaveterminated。
Butrealliterature，asdistinguishedfromanecdote，doesnotconcernitselfwithsuperficialappearancesalone。Literatureisrevelation。Modernliteratureisindecorousrevelation。Itisthedutyoftheearnestauthortotellyouwhatyouwouldnothaveseen——evenatthecostofsomeblushes。Andthethingthatyouwouldnothaveseenaboutthisyoungman，andthethingofthegreatestmomenttothisstory，thethingthatmustbetoldifthebookistobewritten，was——letusfaceitbravely——theRemarkableConditionofthisYoungMan’sLegs。
Letusapproachthebusinesswithdispassionateexplicitness。Letusassumesomethingofthescientificspirit，thehard，almostprofessorialtoneoftheconscientiousrealist。Letustreatthisyoungman’slegsasamerediagram，andindicatethepointsofinterestwiththeunemotionalprecisionofalecturer’spointer。
Andsotoourrevelation。Ontheinternalaspectoftherightankleofthisyoungmanyouwouldhaveobserved，ladiesandgentlemen，acontusionandanabrasion;ontheinternalaspectoftheleftankleacontusionalso;onitsexternalaspectalargeyellowishbruise。Onhisleftshinthereweretwobruises，onealeadenyellowgraduatinghereandthereintopurple，andanother，obviouslyofmorerecentdate，ofablotchyred——tumidandthreatening。Proceedinguptheleftleginaspiralmanner，anunnaturalhardnessandrednesswouldhavebeendiscoveredontheupperaspectofthecalf，andabovethekneeandontheinnerside，anextraordinaryexpanseofbruisedsurface，akindofcloselystippledshadingofcontusedpoints。Therightlegwouldbefoundtobebruisedinamarvellousmannerallaboutandundertheknee，andparticularlyontheinterioraspectoftheknee。Sofarwemayproceedwithourdetails。Firedbythesediscoveries，aninvestigatormightperhapshavepursuedhisinquiriesfurther—
—tobruisesontheshoulders，elbows，andeventhefingerjoints，ofthecentralfigureofourstory。Hehadindeedbeenbumpedandbatteredatanextraordinarynumberofpoints。Butenoughofrealisticdescriptionisasgoodasafeast，andwehaveexhibitedenoughforourpurpose。Eveninliteratureonemustknowwheretodrawtheline。
Nowthereadermaybeinclinedtowonderhowarespectableyoungshopmanshouldhavegothislegs，andindeedhimselfgenerally，intosuchadreadfulcondition。Onemightfancythathehadbeensittingwithhisnetherextremitiesinsomecomplicatedmachinery，athreshing—machine，say，oroneofthosehay—makingfuries。ButSherlockHolmes（nowhappilydead）wouldhavefanciednothingofthekind。Hewouldhaverecognisedatoncethatthebruisesontheinternalaspectoftheleftleg，consideredinthelightofthedistributionoftheotherabrasionsandcontusions，pointedunmistakablytotheviolentimpactoftheMountingBeginneruponthebicyclingsaddle，andthattheruinousstateoftherightkneewasequallyeloquentoftheconcussionsattendantonthatperson’shasty，frequentlycauseless，andinvariablyill—
conceiveddescents。Onelargebruiseontheshinisevenmorecharacteristicofthe’prenticecyclist，foruponeveryoneofthemwaitsthejestoftheunexpectedtreadle。Youtryatleasttowalkyourmachineinaneasymanner，andwhack！——youarerubbingyourshin。Sooutofinnocenceweripen。Twobruisesonthatplacemarkacertainwantofaptitudeinlearning，suchasonemightexpectinapersonunusedtomuscularexercise。
Blistersonthehandsareeloquentofthenervousclutchofthewaveringrider。Andsoforth，untilSherlockispresentlyexplaining，bythehelpoftheminorinjuries，thatthemachineriddenisanold—fashionedaffairwithaforkinsteadofthediamondframe，acushionedtire，wellwornonthehindwheel，andagrossweightallonofperhapsthree—and—fortypounds。
Therevelationismade。BehindthedecorousfigureoftheattentiveshopmanthatIhadthehonourofshowingyouatfirst，risesavisionofanightlystruggle，oftwodarkfiguresandamachineinadarkroad，——theroad，tobeexplicit，fromRoehamptontoPutneyHill，——andwiththisvisionisthesoundofaheelspurningthegravel，agaspingandgrunting，ashoutingof\"Steer，man，steer！\"awaveringunsteadyflight，aspasmodicturningofthemissileedificeofmanandmachine，andacollapse。Thenyoudescrydimlythroughtheduskthecentralfigureofthisstorysittingbytheroadsideandrubbinghislegatsomenewplace，andhisfriend，sympathetic（butbynomeansdepressed），repairingthedisplacementofthehandle—bar。
Thuseveninashopassistantdoesthewarmthofmanhoodassertitself，anddrivehimagainstalltheconditionsofhiscalling，againstthecounselsofprudenceandtherestrictionsofhismeans，toseekthewholesomedelightsofexertionanddangerandpain。Andourfirstexaminationofthedraperrevealsbeneathhisdraperies——theman！Towhichinitialfact（amongothers）weshallcomeagainintheend。
II
Butenoughoftheserevelations。Thecentralfigureofourstoryisnowgoingalongbehindthecounter，adraperindeed，withyourpurchasesinhisarms，tothewarehouse，wherethevariousarticlesyouhaveselectedwillpresentlybepackedbytheseniorporterandsenttoyou。Returningthencetohisparticularplace，helayshandsonafoldedpieceofgingham，andgrippingthecornersofthefoldsinhishands，beginstostraightenthempunctiliously。Nearhimisanapprentice，apprenticedtothesamehighcallingofdraper’sassistant，aruddy，red—hairedladinaveryshorttaillessblackcoatandaveryhighcollar，whoisdeliberatelyunfoldingandrefoldingsomepatternsofcretonne。
Bytwenty—onehetoomayhopetobeafull—blownassistant，evenasMr。Hoopdriver。Printsdependfromthebrassrailsabovethem，behindarefixturesfullofwhitepackagescontaining，asinscriptionstestify，Lino，HdBk，andMull。Youmightimaginetoseethemthatthetwowerebothintentuponnothingbutsmoothnessoftextileandrectitudeoffold。Buttotellthetruth，neitheristhinkingofthemechanicaldutiesinhand。Theassistantisdreamingofthedelicioustime——onlyfourhoursoffnow——whenhewillresumethetaleofhisbruisesandabrasions。
Theapprenticeisnearerthelonglongthoughtsofboyhood，andhisimaginationridescap—a—piethroughthechambersofhisbrain，seekingsomeknightlyquestinhonourofthatFairLady，thelastbutoneofthegirlapprenticestothedress—makingupstairs。Heinclinesrathertostreetfightingagainstrevolutionaries——becausethenshecouldseehimfromthewindow。
Jerkingthembacktothepresentcomesthepuffylittleshop—walker，withapaperinhishand。Theapprenticebecomesextremelyactive。Theshopwalkereyesthegoodsinhand。
\"Hoopdriver，\"hesays，\"how’sthatlineofg—sez—xginghams？\"
Hoopdriverreturnsfromanimaginarytriumphovertheuncertaintiesofdismounting。\"They’regoingfairlywell，sir。
Butthelargerchecksseemhanging。\"
Theshop—walkerbringsupparalleltothecounter。\"Anyparticulartimewhenyouwantyourholidays？\"heasks。
Hoopdriverpullsathisskimpymoustache。\"No——Don’twantthemtoolate，sir，ofcourse。\"
\"Howaboutthisdayweek？\"
Hoopdriverbecomesrigidlymeditative，grippingthecornersoftheginghamfoldsinhishands。Hisfaceiseloquentofconflictingconsiderations。Canhelearnitinaweek？That’sthequestion。OtherwiseBriggswillgetnextweek，andhewillhavetowaituntilSeptember——whentheweatherisoftenuncertain。Heisnaturallyofasanguinedisposition。Alldrapershavetobe，orelsetheycouldneverhavethefaiththeyshowinthebeauty，washability，andunfadingexcellenceofthegoodstheysellyou。
Thedecisioncomesatlast。\"That’lldomeverywell，\"saidMr。
Hoopdriver，terminatingthepause。
Thedieiscast。
Theshop—walkermakesanoteofitandgoesontoBriggsinthe\"dresses，\"thenextinthestrictscaleofprecedenceoftheDraperyEmporium。Mr。Hoopdriverinalternatingspasmsanonstraightenshisginghamandanonbecomesmeditative，withhistongueinthehollowofhisdecayingwisdomtooth。
III
Atsupperthatnight，holidaytalkheldundisputedsway。Mr。
Pritchardspokeof\"Scotland，\"MissIsaacsclamouredofBettws—y—Coed，Mr。JudsondisplayedaproprietaryinterestintheNorfolkBroads。\"I？\"saidHoopdriverwhenthequestioncametohim。\"Why，cycling，ofcourse。\"
\"You’renevergoingtoridethatdreadfulmachineofyours，dayafterday？\"saidMissHoweoftheCostumeDepartment。
\"Iam，\"saidHoopdriverascalmlyaspossible，pullingattheinsufficientmoustache。\"I’mgoingforaCyclingTour。AlongtheSouthCoast。\"
\"Well，allIhope，Mr。Hoopdriver，isthatyou’llgetfineweather，\"saidMissHowe。\"Andnotcomeanynastycroppers。\"
\"Anddoneforgetsometinscherofarnicainyerbag，\"saidthejuniorapprenticeintheveryhighcollar。（HehadwitnessedoneofthelessonsatthetopofPutneyHill。）
\"Youstowit，\"saidMr。Hoopdriver，lookinghardandthreateninglyatthejuniorapprentice，andsuddenlyaddinginatoneofbittercontempt，——\"Jampot。\"
\"I’mgettingfairlysafeuponitnow，\"hetoldMissHowe。
AtothertimesHoopdrivermighthavefurtherresentedthesatiricaleffortsoftheapprentice，buthismindwastoofulloftheprojectedTourtoadmitanypettydelicaciesofdignity。Heleftthesuppertableearly，sothathemightputinagoodhouratthedesperategymnasticsuptheRoehamptonRoadbeforeitwouldbetimetocomebackforlockingup。Whenthegaswasturnedoffforthenighthewassittingontheedgeofhisbed，rubbingarnicaintohisknee——anewandverybigplace——andstudyingaRoadMapoftheSouthofEngland。Briggsofthe\"dresses，\"whosharedtheroomwithhim，wassittingupinbedandtryingtosmokeinthedark。Briggshadneverbeenonacycleinhislife，buthefeltHoopdriver’sinexperienceandofferedsuchadviceasoccurredtohim。
\"Havethemachinethoroughlywelloiled，\"saidBriggs，\"carryoneortwolemonswithyou，don’ttearyourselftodeaththefirstday，andsitupright。Neverlosecontrolofthemachine，andalwayssoundthebelloneverypossibleopportunity。Youmindthosethings，andnothingverymuchcan’thappentoyou，Hoopdriver——youtakemyword。\"
Hewouldlapseintosilenceforaminute，saveperhapsforacurseorsoathispipe，andthenbreakoutwithanentirelydifferentsetoftips。
\"Avoidrunningoverdogs，Hoopdriver，whateveryoudo。It’soneoftheworstthingsyoucandotorunoveradog。Neverletthemachinebuckle——therewasamankilledonlytheotherdaythroughhiswheelbuckling——don’tscorch，don’trideonthefoot—path，keepyourownsideoftheroad，andifyouseeatram—line，goroundthecorneratonce，andhurryoffintothenextcounty——andalwayslightupbeforedark。Youmindjustafewlittlethingslikethat，Hoopdriver，andnothingmuchcan’thappentoyou——youtakemyword。\"
\"Rightyouare！\"saidHoopdriver。\"Good—night，oldman。\"
\"Good—night，\"saidBriggs，andtherewassilenceforaspace，saveforthesucculentrespirationofthepipe。HoopdriverrodeoffintoDreamlandonhismachine，andwasscarcelytherebeforehewaspitchedbackintotheworldofsenseagain。——Something——
whatwasit？
\"Neveroilthesteering。It’sfatal，\"avoicethatcamefromroundafitfulglowoflight，wassaying。\"Andcleanthechaindailywithblack—lead。Youmindjustafewlittlethingslikethat——\"
\"LordLOVEus！\"saidHoopdriver，andpulledthebedclothesoverhisears。
THERIDINGFORTHOFMR。HOOPDRIVER
IV。
Onlythosewhotoilsixlongdaysoutoftheseven，andalltheyearround，saveforonebriefgloriousfortnightortendaysinthesummertime，knowtheexquisitesensationsoftheFirstHolidayMorning。Allthedreary，uninterestingroutinedropsfromyousuddenly，yourchainsfallaboutyourfeet。AllatonceyouareLordofyourself，Lordofeveryhourinthelong，vacantday;
youmaygowhereyouplease，callnoneSirorMadame，havealappelfreeofpins，doffyourblackmorningcoat，andwearthecolourofyourheart，andbeaMan。Yougrudgesleep，yougrudgeeating，anddrinkingeven，theirintrusiononthoseexquisitemoments。Therewillbenomorerisingbeforebreakfastincasualoldclothing，togodustingandgettingreadyinacheerless，shutterdarkened，wrappered—upshop，nomoreimperiouscriesof，\"Forward，Hoopdriver，\"nomorehastymeals，andwearyattendanceonfitfuloldwomen，fortenblesseddays。Thefirstmorningisbyfarthemostglorious，foryouholdyourwholefortuneinyourhands。Thereafter，everynight，comesapang，aspectre，thatwillnotbeexorcised——thepremonitionofthereturn。Theshadowofgoingback，ofbeingputinthecageagainforanothertwelvemonths，liesblackerandblackeracrossthesunlight。Butonthefirstmorningofthetentheholidayhasnopast，andtendaysseemsasgoodasinfinity。
Anditwasfine，fullofapromiseofgloriousdays，adeepblueskywithdazzlingpilesofwhitecloudhereandthere，asthoughcelestialhaymakershadbeenpilingtheswathesoflastnight’scloudsintococksforacomingcartage。TherewerethrushesintheRichmondRoad，andalarkonPutneyHeath。Thefreshnessofdewwasintheair;dewortherelicsofanovernightshowerglitteredontheleavesandgrass。HoopdriverhadbreakfastedearlybyMrs。Gunn’scomplaisance。HewheeledhismachineupPutneyHill，andhisheartsangwithinhim。Halfwayup，adissipated—lookingblackcatrushedhomeacrossflileroadandvanishedunderagate。Allthebigred—brickhousesbehindthevariegatedshrubsandtreeshadtheirblindsdownstill，andhewouldnothavechangedplaceswithasoulinanyoneofthemforahundredpounds。
Hehadonhisnewbrowncyclingsuit——ahandsomeNorfolkjacketthingfor30/——andhislegs——thosemartyrlegs——weremorethanconsoledbythickchequeredstockings，\"thininthefoot，thickintheleg，\"foralltheyhadendured。AneatpacketofAmericanclothbehindthesaddlecontainedhischangeofraiment，andthebellandthehandle—barandthehubsandlamp，albeitatriflefreckledbywear，glitteredblindinglyintherisingsunlight。
Andatthetopofthehill，afteronlyoneunsuccessfulattempt，which，somehow，terminatedonthegreen，Hoopdrivermounted，andwithastatelyandcautiousrestraintinhispace，andadignifiedcurvatureofpath，beganhisgreatCyclingTouralongtheSouthernCoast。
Thereisonlyonephrasetodescribehiscourseatthisstage，andthatis——voluptuouscurves。Hedidnotridefast，hedidnotridestraight，anexactingcriticmightsayhedidnotridewell—
—butherodegenerously，opulently，usingthewholeroadandevennibblingatthefootpath。Theexcitementneverflagged。Sofarhehadneverpassedorbeenpassedbyanything，butasyetthedaywasyoungandtheroadwasclear。Hedoubtedhissteeringsomuchthat，forthepresent，hehadresolvedtodismountattheapproachofanythingelseuponwheels。Theshadowsofthetreeslayverylongandblueacrosstheroad，themorningsunlightwaslikeamberfire。
Atthecross—roadsatthetopofWestHill，wherethecattletroughstands，heturnedtowardsKingstonandsethimselftoscalethelittlebitofascent。Anearlyheath—keeper，inhisvelveteenjacket，marvelledathisefforts。Andwhileheyetstruggled，theheadofacarterroseoverthebrow。
AtthesightofhimMr。Hoopdriver，accordingtohispreviousdetermination，resolvedtodismount。Hetightenedthebrake，andthemachinestoppeddead。Hewastryingtothinkwhathedidwithhisrightlegwhilstgettingoff。Hegrippedthehandlesandreleasedthebrake，standingontheleftpedalandwavinghisrightfootintheair。Then——thesethingstakesolonginthetelling——hefoundthemachinewasfallingovertotheright。
Whilehewasdecidinguponaplanofaction，gravitationappearstohavebeenbusy。Hewasstillirresolutewhenhefoundthemachineontheground，himselfkneelinguponit，andavaguefeelinginhismindthatagainProvidencehaddealtharshlywithhisshin。Thishappenedwhenhewasjustlevelwiththeheathkeeper。Themanintheapproachingcartstooduptoseetheruinsbetter。
\"THATain’tthewaytogetoff，\"saidtheheathkeeper。
Mr。Hoopdriverpickedupthemachine。ThehandlewastwistedaskewagainHesaidsomethingunderhisbreath。Hewouldhavetounscrewthebeastlything。
\"THATain’tthewaytogetoff，\"repeatedtheheathkeeper，afterasilence。
\"_I_knowthat，\"saidMr。Hoopdriver，testily，determinedtooverlookthenewspecimenonhisshinatanycost。Heunbuckledthewalletbehindthesaddle，togetoutascrewhammer。
\"Ifyouknowitain’tthewaytogetoff——whaddyerdoitfor？\"
saidtheheath—keeper，inatoneoffriendlycontroversy。
Mr。Hoopdrivergotouthisscrewhammerandwenttothehandle。
Hewasannoyed。\"That’smybusiness，Isuppose，\"hesaid，fumblingwiththescrew。Theunusualexertionhadmadehishandsshakefrightfully。
Theheath—keeperbecamemeditative，andtwistedhisstickinhishandsbehindhisback。\"You’vebrokenyer’andle，ain’tyer？\"hesaidpresently。Justthenthescrewhammerslippedoffthenut。
Mr。Hoopdriverusedanasty，lowword。
\"They’retryingthings，thembicycles，\"saidtheheath—keeper，charitably。\"Verytrying。\"Mr。Hoopdrivergavethenutaviciousturnandsuddenlystoodup——hewasholdingthefrontwheelbetweenhisknees。\"Iwish，\"saidhe，withacatchinhisvoice，\"Iwishyou’dleaveoffstaringatme。\"
Thenwiththeairofonewhohasdeliveredanultimatum，hebeganreplacingthescrewhammerinthewallet。
Theheath—keepernevermoved。Possiblyheraisedhiseyebrows，andcertainlyhestaredharderthanhedidbefore。\"You’reprettyunsociable，\"hesaidslowly，asMr。Hoopdriverseizedthehandlesandstoodreadytomountassoonasthecarthadpassed。
Theindignationgatheredslowlybutsurely。\"Whydon’tyourideonaprivateroadofyourownifnooneain’ttospeaktoyou？\"
askedtheheath—keeper，perceivingmoreandmoreclearlythebearingofthematter。\"Can’tnoonemakeapassin’remarktoyou，Touchy？Ain’tIgoodenoughtospeaktoyou？Beenstruckwoodenallofasudden？\"
Mr。HoopdriverstaredintotheImmensityoftheFuture。Hewasrigidwithemotion。ItwaslikeabusingtheLionsinTrafalgarSquare。Buttheheathkeeperfelthishonourwasatstake。
\"Don’tyoumakenoremarksto’IM，\"saidthekeeperasthecartercameupbroadsidetothem。\"’E’sabloomin’dook，’eis。’Edon’tconversewithnooneunderaearl。’E’sofftoWindsor，’eis;
that’swhy’e’sstickin’hisbe’indoutsohaughty。Pride！Why，’e’sgotsomuchofit，’ehastocarrysomeofitinthattherebundlethere，forfear’e’dbustif’edidn’teasehisselfabit—
—’E——\"
ButMr。Hoopdriverheardnomore。Hewashoppingvigorouslyalongtheroad，inaspasmodicattempttoremount。Hemissedthetreadleonceandsworeviciously，tothekeeper’simmensedelight。\"Nar！
Nar！\"saidtheheath—keeper。
InanothermomentMr。Hoopdriverwasup，andafteroneterrificlurchofthemachine，theheathkeeperdroppedoutofearshot。
Mr。Hoopdriverwouldhavelikedtolookbackathisenemy，butheusuallytwistedroundandupsetifhetriedthat。
Hehadtoimaginetheindignantheath—keepertellingthecarterallaboutit。Hetriedtoinfuseasmuchdisdainaspossibleintohisretreatingaspect。
HedroveonhissinuouswaydownthedipbythenewmereandupthelittlerisetothecrestofthehillthatdropsintoKingstonVale;andsoremarkableisthepsychologyofcycling，thatherodeallthestraighterandeasierbecausetheemotionstheheathkeeperhadarousedrelievedhismindoftheconstantexpectationofcollapsethathadpreviouslyunnervedhim。Torideabicycleproperlyisverylikealoveaffair——chieflyitisamatteroffaith。Believeyoudoit，andthethingisdone;
doubt，and，forthelifeofyou，youcannot。
Nowyoumayperhapsimaginethatasherodeon，hisfeelingstowardstheheath—keeperwereeithervindictiveorremorseful，——vindictivefortheaggravationorremorsefulforhisowninjudiciousdisplayofilltemper。Asamatteroffact，theywerenothingofthesort。Asudden，awonderfulgratitude，possessedhim。TheGloryoftheHolidayshadresumeditsswaywithasuddenaccessionofsplendour。Atthecrestofthehillheputhisfeetuponthefootrests，andnowridingmoderatelystraight，went，withapalpitatingbrake，downthatexcellentdescent。Anewdelightwasinhiseyes，quiteoverandabovethepleasureofrushingthroughthekeen，sweet，morningair。Hereachedouthisthumbandtwangedhisbelloutofsheerhappiness。
\"’He’sabloomin’Dook——heis！’\"saidMr。Hoopdrivertohimself，inasoftundertone，ashewentsoaringdownthehill，andagain，\"’He’sabloomin’Dook！\"’Heopenedhismouthinasilentlaugh。
Itwashavingadecentcutdidit。Hissocialsuperiorityhadbeensoevidentthatevenamanlikethatnoticedit。NomoreManchesterDepartmentfortendays！OutofManchester，aMan。ThedraperHoopdriver，theHand，hadvanishedfromexistence。Insteadwasagentleman，amanofpleasure，withafive—poundnote，twosovereigns，andsomesilveratvariousconvenientpointsofhisperson。AtanyrateasgoodasaDook，ifnotpreciselyinthepeerage。InvoluntarilyatthethoughtofhisfundsHoopdriver’srighthandleftthehandleandsoughthisbreastpocket，tobeimmediatelyrecalledbyaviolentswoopofthemachinetowardsthecemetery。Whirroo！Justmissedthathalf—brick！Mischievousbrutestherewereintheworldtoputsuchathingintheroad。
Someblooming’Arryorother！Oughttoprosecuteafewoftheseroughs，andtherestwouldknowbetter。Thatmustbethebuckleofthewalletwasrattlingonthemud—guard。Howcheerfullythewheelsbuzzed！
Thecemeterywasverysilentandpeaceful，buttheValewaswaking，andwindowsrattledandsqueakedup，andawhitedogcameoutofoneofthehousesandyelpedathim。Hegotoff，ratherbreathless，atthefootofKingstonHill，andpushedup。Halfwayup，anearlymilkchariotrattledbyhim;twodirtymenwithbundlescamehurryingdown。Hoopdriverfeltsuretheywereburglars，carryinghometheswag。
ItwasupKingstonHillthathefirstnoticedapeculiarfeeling，aslighttightnessathisknees;buthenoticed，too，atthetopthatherodestraighterthanhedidbefore。Thepleasureofridingstraightblottedoutthesefirstintimationsoffatigue。A
manonhorsebackappeared;Hoopdriver，inatumultofsoulathisowntemerity，passedhim。ThendownthehillintoKingston，withthescrewhammer，behindinthewallet，rattlingagainsttheoilcan。Hepassed，withoutmisadventure，afruiterer’svanandasluggishcartloadofbricks。AndinKingstonHoopdriver，withthemostexquisitesensations，sawtheshuttershalfremovedfromadraper’sshop，andtwoyawningyouths，industyoldblackjacketsandwithdirtywhitecomfortersabouttheirnecks，clearinguptheplanksandboxesandwrappersinthewindow，preparatorytodressingitout。EvensohadHoopdriverbeenonthepreviousday。
Butnow，washenotabloomin’Dook，palpablyinthesightofcommonmen？Thenroundthecornertotheright——bellbangedfuriously——andsoalongtheroadtoSurbiton。
WhoopforFreedomandAdventure！Everynowandthenahousewithanexpressionofsleepysurprisewouldopenitseyeashepassed，andtotherightofhimforamileorsothewelteringThamesflashedandglittered。Talkofyourjoiedevivre。Albeitwithacertaincrampingsensationaboutthekneesandcalvesslowlyforcingitselfuponhisattention。
THESHAMEFULEPISODEOFTHEYOUNGLADYINGREY
V
NowyoumustunderstandthatMr。Hoopdriverwasnotoneofyourfastyoungmen。IfhehadbeenKingLemuel，hecouldnothaveprofitedmorebyhismother’sinstructions。Heregardedthefemininesexassomethingtobowtoandsmirkatfromasafedistance。Yearsoftheintimateremotenessofacounterleavetheirmarkuponaman。ItwasanadventureforhimtotakeoneoftheYoungLadiesoftheestablishmenttochurchonaSunday。Fewmodernyoungmencouldhavemeritedlesstheepithet\"Dorg。\"ButIhavethoughtattimesthathismachinemayhavehadsomethingofthebladeinitsmetal。Decidedlyitwasamachinewithapast。Mr。Hoopdriverhadboughtitsecond—handfromHare’sinPutney，andHaresaidithadhadseveralowners。Second—handwasscarcelythewordforit，andElarewasmildlypuzzledthatheshouldbesellingsuchanantiquity。Hesaiditwasperfectlysound，ifalittleold—fashioned，buthewasabsolutelysilentaboutitsmoralcharacter。Itmayevenhavebegunitscareerwithapoet，say，inhisgloriousyouth。ItmayhavebeenthebicycleofaReallyBadMan。Noonewhohaseverriddenacycleofanykindbutwillwitnessthatthethingsareunaccountablypronetopickupbadhabits——andkeepthem。
ItisundeniablethatitbecameconvulsedwiththemostviolentemotionsdirectlytheYoungLadyinGreyappeared。ItbegananabsolutelyunprecedentedWabble——unprecedentedsofarasHoopdriver’sexperiencewent。It\"showedoff\"——themostdecadentsinuosity。ItleftatracklikeoneofBeardsley’sfeathers。Hesuddenlyrealised，too，thathiscapwaslooseonhisheadandhisbreathamereremnant。
TheYoungLadyinGreywasalsoridingabicycle。Shewasdressedinabeautifulbluish—gray，andthesunbehindherdrewheroutlineingoldandlefttherestinshadow。Hoopdriverwasdimlyawarethatshewasyoung，ratherslender，dark，andwithabrightcolourandbrighteyes。Strangedoubtspossessedhimastothenatureofhernethercostume。Hehadheardofsuchthingsofcourse。French，perhaps。Herhandlesglittered;ajetofsunlightsplashedoffherbellblindingly。ShewasapproachingthehighroadalonganaffluentfromthevillasofSurbiton。feeroadsconvergedslantingly。ShewastravellingataboutthesamepaceasMr。Hoopdriver。Theappearancespointedtoameetingattheforkoftheroads。
Hoopdriverwasseizedwithahorribleconflictofdoubts。Bycontrastwithherherodedisgracefully。Hadhenotbettergetoffatonceandpretendsomethingwaswrongwithhistreadle？
Yeteventheendofgettingoffwasanuncertainty。ThatlastoccasiononPutneyHeath！Ontheotherhand，whatwouldhappenifhekepton？Togoveryslowseemedtheabnegationofhismanhood。Tocrawlafteramereschoolgirl！Besides，shewasnotridingveryfast。Ontheotherhand，tothrusthimselfinfrontofher，consumingtheroadinhistendril—likeadvance，seemedanincivility——greed。Hewouldleavehersuchaverylittle。Hisbusinesstrainingmadehimpronetobowandstepaside。Ifonlyonecouldtakeone’shandsoffthehandles，onemightpasswithasilentelevationofthehat，ofcourse。Buteventhatwasalittlesuggestiveofafuneral。
Meanwhiletheroadsconverged。Shewaslookingathim。Shewasflushed，alittlethin，andhadverybrighteyes。Herredlipsfellapart。Shemayhavebeenridinghard，butitlookeduncommonlylikeafaintsmile。Andthethingswere——yes！——
RATIONALS！Suddenlyanimpulsetoboltfromthesituationbecameclamorous。Mr。Hoopdriverpedalledconvulsively，intendingtopassher。Hejerkedagainstsometinthingontheroad，anditflewupbetweenfrontwheelandmud—guard。Hetwistedroundtowardsher。Hadthemachineadevil？
Atthatsuprememomentitcameacrosshimthathewouldhavedonewisertodismount。Hegaveafrantic’whoop’andtriedtogetround，then，asheseemedfallingover，hepulledthehandlesstraightagainandtotheleftbyaninstinctivemotion，andshotbehindherhindwheel，missingherbyahair’sbreadth。Thepavementkerbawaitedhim。Hetriedtorecover，andfoundhimselfjumpeduponthepavementandridingsquarelyataneatwoodenpaling。Hestruckthiswithaterrificimpactandshotforwardoffhissaddleintoaclumsyentanglement。Thenhebegantotumbleoversideways，andcompletedtheentirefigureinasittingpositiononthegravel，withhisfeetbetweentheforkandthestayofthemachine。Theconcussiononthegravelshookhisentirebeing。Heremainedinthatposition，wishingthathehadbrokenhisneck，wishingevenmoreheartilythathehadneverbeenborn。Thegloryoflifehaddeparted。Bloomin’Dook，indeed！
Theseunwomanlywomen！
Therewasasoftwhirr，theclickofabrake，twofootfalls，andtheYoungLadyinGreystoodholdinghermachine。Shehadturnedroundandcomebacktohim。Thewarmsunlightnowwasinherface。\"Areyouhurt？\"shesaid。Shehadapretty，clear，girlishvoice。Shewasreallyveryyoung——quiteagirl，infact。Androdesowell！Itwasabitterdraught。
Mr。Hoopdriverstoodupatonce。\"Notabit，\"hesaid，alittleruefully。HebecamepainfullyawarethatlargepatchesofgravelscarcelyimprovetheappearanceofaNorfolksuit。\"I’mverysorryindeed——\"
\"It’smyfault，\"shesaid，interruptingandsosavinghimontheveryvergeofcallingher’Miss。’（Heknew’Miss’waswrong，butitwasdeep—seatedhabitwithhim。）\"Itriedtopassyouonthewrongside。\"Herfaceandeyesseemedallalive。\"It’smyplacetobesorry。\"
\"Butitwasmysteering——\"
\"IoughttohaveseenyouwereaNovice\"——withatouchofsuperiority。\"Butyourodesostraightcomingalongthere！\"
Shereallywas——dashedpretty。Mr。Hoopdriver’sfeelingspassedthenadir。Whenhespokeagaintherewasthefaintestflavourofthearistocraticinhisvoice。
\"It’smyfirstride，asamatteroffact。Butthat’snoexcuseformyah！blundering——\"
\"Yourfinger’sbleeding，\"shesaid，abruptly。
Hesawhisknucklewasbarked。\"Ididn’tfeelit，\"hesaid，feelingmanly。
\"Youdon’tatfirst。Haveyouanystickingplaster？Ifnot——\"Shebalancedhermachineagainstherself。Shehadalittlesidepocket，andshewhippedoutasmallpacketofsticking—plasterwithapairofscissorsinasheathattheside，andcutoffagenerousportion。Hehadawildimpulsetoaskhertostickitonforhim。Controlled。\"Thankyou，\"hesaid。
\"Machineallright？\"sheasked，lookingpasthimattheprostratevehicle，herhandsonherhandle—bar。ForthefirsttimeHoopdriverdidnotfeelproudofhismachine。
Heturnedandbegantopickupthefallenfabric。Helookedoverhisshoulder，andshewasgone，turnedhisheadovertheothershoulderdowntheroad，andshewasridingoff。\"ORF！\"saidMr。
Hoopdriver。\"Well，I’mblowed！——TalkaboutSlapUp！\"（Hisaristocraticrefinementrarelyadornedhisspeechinhisprivatesoliloquies。）Hismindwaswhirling。Onefactwasclear。Amostdelightfulandnovelhumanbeinghadflashedacrosshishorizonandwasgoingoutofhislifeagain。TheHolidaymadnesswasinhisblood。Shelookedround！
Atthatherushedhismachineintotheroad，andbeganahastyascent。Unsuccessful。Tryagain。Confoundit，willheNEVERbeabletogetuponthethingagain？Shewillberoundthecornerinaminute。Oncemore。Ah！Pedal！Wabble！No！Rightthistime！
Hegrippedthehandlesandputhisheaddown。Hewouldovertakeher。
Thesituationwasprimordial。TheManbeneathprevailedforamomentoverthecivilisedsuperstructure，theDraper。Hepushedatthepedalswitharchaicviolence。SoPalaeolithicmanmayhaveriddenhissimplebicycleofchippedflintinpursuitofhisexogamousaffinity。Shevanishedroundthecorner。HiseffortwasTitanic。Whatshouldhesaywhenheovertookher？Thatscarcelydisturbedhimatfirst。Howfineshehadlooked，flushedwiththeexertionofriding，breathingalittlefast，butelasticandactive！Talkaboutyourladylike，homekeepinggirlswithcomplexionslikecoldveal！Butwhatshouldhesaytoher？Thatwasabother。Andhecouldnotlifthiscapwithoutriskingarepetitionofhispreviousignominy。ShewasarealYoungLady。
Nomistakeaboutthat！Noneofyourbloomingshopgirls。（Thereisnogreatercontemptintheworldthanthatofshopmenforshopgirls，unlessitbethatofshopgirlsforshopmen。）Phew！
Thiswaswork。Acertainnumbnesscameandwentathisknees。
\"MayIasktowhomIamindebted？\"hepantedtohimself，tryingitover。Thatmightdo。Luckyhehadacardcase！Ahundredashilling——whileyouwait。Hewasgettingwinded。Theroadwascertainlyabituphill。Heturnedthecornerandsawalongstretchofroad，andagreydressvanishing。Hesethisteeth。
Hadhegainedonheratall？\"Monkeyonagridiron！\"yelpedasmallboy。Hoopdriverredoubledhisefforts。Hisbreathbecameaudible，hissteeringunsteady，hispedallingpositivelyferocious。Adropofperspirationranintohiseye，irritantasacid。Theroadreallywasuphillbeyonddispute。Allhisphysiologybegantocryoutathim。Alasttremendouseffortbroughthimtothecornerandshowedyetanotherextentofshadyroadway，emptysaveforabaker’svan。Hisfrontwheelsuddenlyshriekedaloud。\"OhLord！\"saidHoopdriver，relaxing。
Anyhowshewasnotinsight。Hegotoffunsteadily，andforamomenthislegsfeltlikewispsofcotton。Hebalancedhismachineagainstthegrassyedgeofthepathandsatdownpanting。
Hishandsweregnarledwithswollenveinsandshakingpalpably，hisbreathcameviscid。
\"I’mhardlyintrainingyet，\"heremarked。Hislegshadgoneleaden。\"Idon’tfeelasthoughI’dhadamouthfulofbreakfast。\"
Presentlyheslappedhissidepocketandproducedtherefromabrand—newcigarettecaseandapacketofVansittart’sRedHerringcigarettes。Hefilledthecase。Thenhiseyefellwithasuddenapprovalontheornamentalchequeringofhisnewstockings。Theexpressioninhiseyesfadedslowlytoabstractmeditation。
\"SheWASastunninggirl，\"hesaid。\"IwonderifIshalleverseteyesonheragain。Andsheknewhowtoride，too！Wonderwhatshethoughtofme。\"
Thephrase’bloomin’Dook’floatedintohismindwithacertainflavourofcomfort。
Helitacigarette，andsatsmokingandmeditating。Hedidnotevenlookupwhenvehiclespassed。Itwasperhapstenminutesbeforeherousedhimself。\"Whatrotitis！What’sthegoodofthinkingsuchthings，\"hesaid。\"I’monlyablesseddraper’sassistant。\"（Tobeexact，hedidnotsayblessed。Theserviceofashopmaypolishaman’sexteriorways，butthe’prentices’
dormitoryisanindifferentschoolforeithermannersormorals。）
HestoodupandbeganwheelinghismachinetowardsEsher。Itwasgoingtobeabeautifulday，andthehedgesandtreesandtheopencountrywereallglorioustohistown—tiredeyes。Butitwasalittledifferentfromtheelationofhisstart。
\"Lookatthegentlemanwizzerbicitle，\"saidanursemaidonthepathtoapersonageinaperambulator。Thathealedhimalittle。
\"’Gentlemanwizzerbicitle，’——’bloomin’Dook’——Ican’tlooksoveryseedy，\"hesaidtohimself。
\"IWONDER——Ishouldjustliketoknow——\"
TherewassomethingverycomfortinginthetrackofHERpneumaticrunningstraightandsteadyalongtheroadbeforehim。Itmustbehers。Nootherpneumatichadbeenalongtheroadthatmorning。Itwasjustpossible，ofcourse，thathemightseeheroncemore——
comingback。Shouldhetryandsaysomethingsmart？Hespeculatedwhatmannerofgirlshemightbe。ProbablyshewasoneofthesehereNewWomen。Hehadapersuasiontheculthadbeenmaligned。
AnyhowshewasaLady。Andrichpeople，too！Hermachinecouldn’thavecostmuchundertwentypounds。Hismindcameroundanddweltsometimeonhervisibleself。Rationaldressdidn’tlookabitunwomanly。However，hedisdainedtobeoneofyourfortunehunters。Thenhisthoughtsdroveoffatatangent。Hewouldcertainlyhavetogetsomethingtoeatatthenextpublichouse。
ONTHEROADTORIPLEY
VI
Inthefulnessoftime，Mr。HoopdriverdrewneartheMarquisofGranbyatEsher，andashecameundertherailwayarchandsawtheinninfrontofhim，hemountedhismachineagainandrodebravelyuptothedoorway。Burtonandbiscuitandcheesehehad，which，indeed，isBurtoninitspropercompany;andashewaseatingtherecameamiddleagedmaninadrabcyclingsuit，veryredandmoistandangryintheface，andaskedbitterlyforalemonsquash。Andhesatdownupontheseatinthebarandmoppedhisface。Butscarcelyhadhesatdownbeforehegotupagainandstaredoutofthedoorway。
\"Damn！\"saidhe。Then，\"DamnedFool！\"
\"Eigh？\"saidMr。Hoopdriver，lookingroundsuddenlywithapieceofcheeseinhischeek。
Themanindrabfacedhim。\"IcalledmyselfaDamnedFool，sir。
Haveyouanyobjections？\"
\"Oh！——None。None，\"saidMr。Hoopdriver。\"Ithoughtyouspoketome。Ididn’thearwhatyousaid。\"
\"Tohaveacontemplativedispositionandanenergetictemperament，sir，ishell。Hell，Itellyou。Acontemplativedispositionandaphlegmatictemperament，allverywell。Butenergyandphilosophy——！\"
Mr。Hoopdriverlookedasintelligentashecould，butsaidnothing。
\"There’snohurry，sir，nonewhatever。Icameoutforexercise，gentleexercise，andtonoticethesceneryandtobotanise。AndnosoonerdoIgetontheaccursedmachine，thanoffIgohammerandtongs;Ineverlooktorightorleft，nevernoticeaflower，neverseeaview，gethot，juicy，red，——likeagrilledchop。HereIam，sir。ComefromGuildfordinsomethingunderthehour。WHY，sir？\"
Mr。Hoopdrivershookhishead。
\"BecauseI’madamnedfool，sir。BecauseI’vereservoirsandreservoirsofmuscularenergy，andoneorotherofthemisalwaysleaking。It’samostinterestingroad，birdsandtrees，I’venodoubt，andwaysideflowers，andthere’snothingIshouldenjoymorethanwatchingthem。ButIcan’t。Getmeonthatmachine，andIhavetogo。Getmeonanything，andIhavetogo。AndIdon’twanttogoabit。WHYshouldamanrushaboutlikearocket，allpaceandfizzle？Why？Itmakesmefurious。Icanassureyou，sir，Igoscorchingalongtheroad，andcursingaloudatmyselffordoingit。Aquiet，dignified，philosophicalman，that’swhatI
am——atbottom;andhereIamdancingwithrageandswearinglikeadrunkentinkerataperfectstranger——
\"Butmyday’swasted。I’velostallthatcountryroad，andnowI’monthefringeofLondon。AndImighthaveloiteredallthemorning！Ugh！ThankHeaven，sir，youhavenottheirritabletemperament，thatyouarenotgoadedtomadnessbyyourendogenoussneers，bytheeternalwranglingofanuncomfortablesoulandbody。Itellyou，Ileadacatanddoglife——ButwhatIS
theuseoftalking？——It’sallofapiece！\"
Hetossedhisheadwithunspeakableself—disgust，pitchedthelemonsquashintohismouth，paidforit，andwithoutanyfurtherremarkstrodetothedoor。Mr。Hoopdriverwasstillwonderingwhattosaywhenhisinterlocutorvanished。Therewasanoiseofafootspurningthegravel，andwhenMr。Hoopdriverreachedthedoorway，themanindrabwasascoreofyardsLondonward。Hehadalreadygatheredpace。Hepedalledwithill—suppressedanger，andhisheadwasgoingdown。Inanothermomentheflewswiftlyoutofsightundertherailwayarch，andMr。Hoopdriversawhimnomore。
