\"LepointdujourCauseparfois,causedouleurextreme;
Quel’espacedesnuitsestcourtPourlebergerbrulantd’amour,Forcedequittercequ’ilaimeAupointdujour!\"
ItwasbitterlyplaintoEustaciathathedidnotcaremuchaboutsocialfailure;andtheproudfairwomanbowedherheadandweptinsickdespairatthoughtoftheblastingeffectuponherownlifeofthatmoodandconditioninhim。
Thenshecameforward。
\"Iwouldstarveratherthandoit!\"sheexclaimedvehemently。
\"Andyoucansing!Iwillgoandlivewithmygrandfatheragain!\"
\"Eustacia!Ididnotseeyou,thoughInoticedsomethingmoving,\"hesaidgently。Hecameforward,pulledoffhishugeleatherglove,andtookherhand。
\"Whydoyouspeakinsuchastrangeway?ItisonlyalittleoldsongwhichstruckmyfancywhenIwasinParis,andnowjustappliestomylifewithyou。Hasyourloveformealldied,then,becausemyappearanceisnolongerthatofafinegentleman?\"
\"Dearest,youmustnotquestionmeunpleasantly,oritmaymakemenotloveyou。\"
\"DoyoubelieveitpossiblethatIwouldruntheriskofdoingthat?\"
\"Well,youfollowoutyourownideas,andwon’tgiveintominewhenIwishyoutoleaveoffthisshamefullabour。Isthereanythingyoudislikeinmethatyouactsocontrarilytomywishes?Iamyourwife,andwhywillyounotlisten?Yes,Iamyourwifeindeed!\"
\"Iknowwhatthattonemeans。\"
\"Whattone?\"
\"Thetoneinwhichyousaid,’Yourwifeindeed。’Itmeant,’Yourwife,worseluck。’\"
\"Itishardinyoutoprobemewiththatremark。
Awomanmayhavereason,thoughsheisnotwithoutheart,andifIfelt’worseluck,’itwasnoignoblefeeling——
itwasonlytoonatural。There,youseethatatanyrateIdonotattemptuntruths。Doyourememberhow,beforeweweremarried,IwarnedyouthatIhadnotgoodwifelyqualities?\"
\"Youmockmetosaythatnow。Onthatpointatleasttheonlynoblecoursewouldbetoholdyourtongue,foryouarestillqueenofme,Eustacia,thoughImaynolongerbekingofyou。\"
\"Youaremyhusband。Doesnotthatcontentyou?\"
\"Notunlessyouaremywifewithoutregret。\"
\"Icannotansweryou。IremembersayingthatIshouldbeaseriousmatteronyourhands。\"
\"Yes,Isawthat。\"
\"Thenyouweretooquicktosee!Notrueloverwouldhaveseenanysuchthing;youaretoosevereuponme,Clym——Iwon’tlikeyourspeakingsoatall。\"
\"Well,Imarriedyouinspiteofit,anddon’tregretdoingso。Howcoldyouseemthisafternoon!andyetI
usedtothinkthereneverwasawarmerheartthanyours。\"
\"Yes,Ifearwearecooling——Iseeitaswellasyou,\"
shesighedmournfully。\"Andhowmadlywelovedtwomonthsago!Youwerenevertiredofcontemplatingme,norI
ofcontemplatingyou。Whocouldhavethoughtthenthatbythistimemyeyeswouldnotseemsoverybrighttoyours,noryourlipssoverysweettomine?Twomonths——isitpossible?Yes,’tistootrue!\"
\"Yousigh,dear,asifyouweresorryforit;andthat’sahopefulsign。\"
\"No。Idon’tsighforthat。Thereareotherthingsformetosighfor,oranyotherwomaninmyplace。\"
\"Thatyourchancesinlifeareruinedbymarryinginhasteanunfortunateman?\"
\"Whywillyouforceme,Clym,tosaybitterthings?I
deservepityasmuchasyou。Asmuch?——IthinkIdeserveitmore。Foryoucansing!Itwouldbeastrangehourwhichshouldcatchmesingingundersuchacloudasthis!
Believeme,sweet,Icouldweeptoadegreethatwouldastonishandconfoundsuchanelasticmindasyours。
Evenhadyoufeltcarelessaboutyourownaffliction,youmighthaverefrainedfromsingingoutofsheerpityformine。God!ifIwereamaninsuchapositionIwouldcurseratherthansing。\"
Yeobrightplacedhishanduponherarm。\"Now,don’tyousuppose,myinexperiencedgirl,thatIcannotrebel,inhighPrometheanfashion,againstthegodsandfateaswellasyou。Ihavefeltmoresteamandsmokeofthatsortthanyouhaveeverheardof。ButthemoreI
seeoflifethemoredoIperceivethatthereisnothingparticularlygreatinitsgreatestwalks,andthereforenothingparticularlysmallinmineoffurze—cutting。
IfIfeelthatthegreatestblessingsvouchsafedtousarenotveryvaluable,howcanIfeelittobeanygreathardshipwhentheyaretakenaway?SoIsingtopassthetime。Haveyouindeedlostalltendernessforme,thatyoubegrudgemeafewcheerfulmoments?\"
\"Ihavestillsometendernessleftforyou。\"
\"Yourwordshavenolongertheiroldflavour。Andsolovedieswithgoodfortune!\"
\"Icannotlistentothis,Clym——itwillendbitterly,\"
shesaidinabrokenvoice。\"Iwillgohome。\"
3—SheGoesOuttoBattleagainstDepressionAfewdayslater,beforethemonthofAugusthasexpired,EustaciaandYeobrightsattogetherattheirearlydinner。
Eustacia’smannerhadbecomeoflatealmostapathetic。
Therewasaforlornlookaboutherbeautifuleyeswhich,whethershedeserveditornot,wouldhaveexcitedpityinthebreastofanyonewhohadknownherduringthefullflushofherloveforClym。Thefeelingsofhusbandandwifevaried,insomemeasure,inverselywiththeirpositions。Clym,theafflictedman,wascheerful;
andheeventriedtocomforther,whohadneverfeltamomentofphysicalsufferinginherwholelife。
\"Come,brightenup,dearest;weshallbeallrightagain。
SomedayperhapsIshallseeaswellasever。
AndIsolemnlypromisethatI’llleaveoffcuttingfurzeassoonasIhavethepowertodoanythingbetter。
Youcannotseriouslywishmetostayidlingathomeallday?\"
\"Butitissodreadful——afurze—cutter!andyouamanwhohavelivedabouttheworld,andspeakFrench,andGerman,andwhoarefitforwhatissomuchbetterthanthis。\"
\"IsupposewhenyoufirstsawmeandheardaboutmeI
waswrappedinasortofgoldenhalotoyoureyes——amanwhoknewgloriousthings,andhadmixedinbrilliantscenes——inshort,anadorable,delightful,distractinghero?\"
\"Yes,\"shesaid,sobbing。
\"AndnowIamapoorfellowinbrownleather。\"
\"Don’ttauntme。Butenoughofthis。Iwillnotbedepressedanymore。Iamgoingfromhomethisafternoon,unlessyougreatlyobject。Thereistobeavillagepicnic——agipsying,theycallit——atEastEgdon,andI
shallgo。\"
\"Todance?\"
\"Whynot?Youcansing。\"
\"Well,well,asyouwill。MustIcometofetchyou?\"
\"Ifyoureturnsoonenoughfromyourwork。Butdonotinconvenienceyourselfaboutit。Iknowthewayhome,andtheheathhasnoterrorforme。\"
\"Andcanyouclingtogaietysoeagerlyastowalkallthewaytoavillagefestivalinsearchofit?\"
\"Now,youdon’tlikemygoingalone!Clym,youarenotjealous?\"
\"No。ButIwouldcomewithyouifitcouldgiveyouanypleasure;though,asthingsstand,perhapsyouhavetoomuchofmealready。Still,Isomehowwishthatyoudidnotwanttogo。Yes,perhapsIamjealous;
andwhocouldbejealouswithmorereasonthanI,ahalf—blindman,oversuchawomanasyou?\"
\"Don’tthinklikeit。Letmego,anddon’ttakeallmyspiritsaway!\"
\"Iwouldratherloseallmyown,mysweetwife。Goanddowhateveryoulike。Whocanforbidyourindulgenceinanywhim?Youhaveallmyheartyet,Ibelieve;
andbecauseyoubearwithme,whoamintruthadraguponyou,Ioweyouthanks。Yes,goaloneandshine。
Asforme,Iwillsticktomydoom。Atthatkindofmeetingpeoplewouldshunme。MyhookandglovesareliketheSt。Lazarusrattleoftheleper,warningtheworldtogetoutofthewayofasightthatwouldsaddenthem。\"
Hekissedher,putonhisleggings,andwentout。
Whenhewasgonesherestedherheaduponherhandsandsaidtoherself,\"Twowastedlives——hisandmine。
AndIamcometothis!Willitdrivemeoutofmymind?\"
Shecastaboutforanypossiblecoursewhichofferedtheleastimprovementontheexistingstateofthings,andcouldfindnone。SheimaginedhowallthoseBudmouthoneswhoshouldlearnwhathadbecomeofherwouldsay,\"Lookatthegirlforwhomnobodywasgoodenough!\"
ToEustaciathesituationseemedsuchamockeryofherhopesthatdeathappearedtheonlydoorofreliefifthesatireofHeavenshouldgomuchfurther。
Suddenlyshearousedherselfandexclaimed,\"ButI’llshakeitoff。Yes,IWILLshakeitoff!Nooneshallknowmysuffering。I’llbebitterlymerry,andironicallygay,andI’lllaughinderision。AndI’llbeginbygoingtothisdanceonthegreen。\"
Sheascendedtoherbedroomanddressedherselfwithscrupulouscare。Toanonlookerherbeautywouldhavemadeherfeelingsalmostseemreasonable。ThegloomycornerintowhichaccidentasmuchasindiscretionhadbroughtthiswomanmighthaveledevenamoderatepartisantofeelthatshehadcogentreasonsforaskingtheSupremePowerbywhatrightabeingofsuchexquisitefinishhadbeenplacedincircumstancescalculatedtomakeofhercharmsacurseratherthanablessing。
Itwasfiveintheafternoonwhenshecameoutfromthehousereadyforherwalk。Therewasmaterialenoughinthepicturefortwentynewconquests。Therebellioussadnessthatwasrathertooapparentwhenshesatindoorswithoutabonnetwascloakedandsoftenedbyheroutdoorattire,whichalwayshadasortofnebulousnessaboutit,devoidofharshedgesanywhere;sothatherfacelookedfromitsenvironmentasfromacloud,withnonoticeablelinesofdemarcationbetweenfleshandclothes。Theheatofthedayhadscarcelydeclinedasyet,andshewentalongthesunnyhillsataleisurelypace,therebeingampletimeforheridleexpedition。Tallfernsburiedherintheirleafagewheneverherpathlaythroughthem,whichnowformedminiatureforests,thoughnotonestemofthemwouldremaintobudthenextyear。
Thesitechosenforthevillagefestivitywasoneofthelawnlikeoaseswhichwereoccasionally,yetnotoften,metwithontheplateauxoftheheathdistrict。Thebrakesoffurzeandfernterminatedabruptlyroundthemargin,andthegrasswasunbroken。Agreencattletrackskirtedthespot,without,however,emergingfromthescreenoffern,andthispathEustaciafollowed,inordertoreconnoitrethegroupbeforejoiningit。ThelustynotesoftheEastEgdonbandhaddirectedherunerringly,andshenowbeheldthemusiciansthemselves,sittinginabluewagonwithredwheelsscrubbedasbrightasnew,andarchedwithsticks,towhichboughsandflowersweretied。
Infrontofthiswasthegrandcentraldanceoffifteenortwentycouples,flankedbyminordancesofinferiorindividualswhosegyrationswerenotalwaysinstrictkeepingwiththetune。
Theyoungmenworeblueandwhiterosettes,andwithaflushontheirfacesfootedittothegirls,who,withtheexcitementandtheexercise,blusheddeeperthanthepinkoftheirnumerousribbons。Faironeswithlongcurls,faironeswithshortcurls,faironeswithlovelocks,faironeswithbraids,flewroundandround;andabeholdermightwellhavewonderedhowsuchaprepossessingsetofyoungwomenoflikesize,age,anddisposition,couldhavebeencollectedtogetherwheretherewereonlyoneortwovillagestochoosefrom。Inthebackgroundwasonehappymandancingbyhimself,withclosedeyes,totallyobliviousofalltherest。Afirewasburningunderapollardthornafewpacesoff,overwhichthreekettleshunginarow。Hardbywasatablewhereelderlydamespreparedtea,butEustacialookedamongtheminvainforthecattle—dealer’swifewhohadsuggestedthatsheshouldcome,andhadpromisedtoobtainacourteouswelcomeforher。
ThisunexpectedabsenceoftheonlylocalresidentwhomEustaciaknewconsiderablydamagedherschemeforanafternoonofrecklessgaiety。Joininginbecameamatterofdifficulty,notwithstandingthat,wereshetoadvance,cheerfuldameswouldcomeforwardwithcupsofteaandmakemuchofherasastrangerofsuperiorgraceandknowledgetothemselves。Havingwatchedthecompanythroughthefiguresoftwodances,shedecidedtowalkalittlefurther,toacottagewhereshemightgetsomerefreshment,andthenreturnhomewardintheshadytimeofevening。
Thisshedid,andbythetimethatsheretracedherstepstowardsthesceneofthegipsying,whichitwasnecessarytorepassonherwaytoAlderworth,thesunwasgoingdown。
Theairwasnowsostillthatshecouldhearthebandafaroff,anditseemedtobeplayingwithmorespirit,ifthatwerepossible,thanwhenshehadcomeaway。
Onreachingthehillthesunhadquitedisappeared;
butthismadelittledifferenceeithertoEustaciaortotherevellers,foraroundyellowmoonwasrisingbeforeher,thoughitsrayshadnotyetoutmasteredthosefromthewest。Thedancewasgoingonjustthesame,butstrangershadarrivedandformedaringaroundthefigure,sothatEustaciacouldstandamongthesewithoutachanceofbeingrecognized。
Awholevillage—fullofsensuousemotion,scatteredabroadalltheyearlong,surgedhereinafocusforanhour。
Thefortyheartsofthosewavingcoupleswerebeatingastheyhadnotdonesince,twelvemonthsbefore,theyhadcometogetherinsimilarjollity。Forthetimepaganismwasrevivedintheirhearts,theprideoflifewasallinall,andtheyadorednoneotherthanthemselves。
Howmanyofthoseimpassionedbuttemporaryembracesweredestinedtobecomeperpetualwaspossiblythewonderofsomeofthosewhoindulgedinthem,aswellasofEustaciawholookedon。Shebegantoenvythosepirouetters,tohungerforthehopeandhappinesswhichthefascinationofthedanceseemedtoengenderwithinthem。
Desperatelyfondofdancingherself,oneofEustacia’sexpectationsofParishadbeentheopportunityitmightaffordherofindulgenceinthisfavouritepastime。
Unhappily,thatexpectationwasnowextinctwithinherforever。
Whilstsheabstractedlywatchedthemspinningandfluctuatingintheincreasingmoonlightshesuddenlyheardhernamewhisperedbyavoiceoverhershoulder。
Turninginsurprise,shebeheldatherelbowonewhosepresenceinstantlycausedhertoflushtothetemples。
ItwasWildeve。Tillthismomenthehadnotmethereyesincethemorningofhismarriage,whenshehadbeenloiteringinthechurch,andhadstartledhimbyliftingherveilandcomingforwardtosigntheregisteraswitness。
Yetwhythesightofhimshouldhaveinstigatedthatsuddenrushofbloodshecouldnottell。
Beforeshecouldspeakhewhispered,\"Doyoulikedancingasmuchasever?\"
\"IthinkIdo,\"sherepliedinalowvoice。
\"Willyoudancewithme?\"
\"Itwouldbeagreatchangeforme;butwillitnotseemstrange?\"
\"Whatstrangenesscantherebeinrelationsdancingtogether?\"
\"Ah——yes,relations。Perhapsnone。\"
\"Still,ifyoudon’tliketobeseen,pulldownyourveil;
thoughthereisnotmuchriskofbeingknownbythislight。
Lotsofstrangersarehere。\"
Shedidashesuggested;andtheactwasatacitacknowledgmentthatsheacceptedhisoffer。
Wildevegaveherhisarmandtookherdownontheoutsideoftheringtothebottomofthedance,whichtheyentered。
Intwominutesmoretheywereinvolvedinthefigureandbeganworkingtheirwayupwardstothetop。
TilltheyhadadvancedhalfwaythitherEustaciawishedmorethanoncethatshehadnotyieldedtohisrequest;
fromthemiddletothetopshefeltthat,sinceshehadcomeouttoseekpleasure,shewasonlydoinganaturalthingtoobtainit。Fairlylaunchedintotheceaselessglidesandwhirlswhichtheirnewpositionastopcoupleopeneduptothem,Eustacia’spulsesbegantomovetooquicklyforlongruminationofanykind。
Throughthelengthoffive—and—twentycouplestheythreadedtheirgiddyway,andanewvitalityenteredherform。
Thepalerayofeveninglentafascinationtotheexperience。
Thereisacertaindegreeandtoneoflightwhichtendstodisturbtheequilibriumofthesenses,andtopromotedangerouslythetenderermoods;addedtomovement,itdrivestheemotionstorankness,thereasonbecomingsleepyandunperceivingininverseproportion;andthislightfellnowuponthesetwofromthediscofthemoon。
Allthedancinggirlsfeltthesymptoms,butEustaciamostofall。Thegrassundertheirfeetbecametroddenaway,andthehard,beatensurfaceofthesod,whenviewedaslanttowardsthemoonlight,shonelikeapolishedtable。
Theairbecamequitestill,theflagabovethewagonwhichheldthemusiciansclungtothepole,andtheplayersappearedonlyinoutlineagainstthesky;exceptwhenthecircularmouthsofthetrombone,ophicleide,andFrenchhorngleamedoutlikehugeeyesfromtheshadeoftheirfigures。
Theprettydressesofthemaidslosttheirsubtlerdaycoloursandshowedmoreorlessofamistywhite。
EustaciafloatedroundandroundonWildeve’sarm,herfaceraptandstatuesque;hersoulhadpassedawayfromandforgottenherfeatures,whichwereleftemptyandquiescent,astheyalwaysarewhenfeelinggoesbeyondtheirregister。
HownearshewastoWildeve!itwasterribletothinkof。
Shecouldfeelhisbreathing,andhe,ofcourse,couldfeelhers。Howbadlyshehadtreatedhim!yet,heretheyweretreadingonemeasure。Theenchantmentofthedancesurprisedher。Aclearlineofdifferencedividedlikeatangiblefenceherexperiencewithinthismazeofmotionfromherexperiencewithoutit。
Herbeginningtodancehadbeenlikeachangeofatmosphere;
outside,shehadbeensteepedinarcticfrigiditybycomparisonwiththetropicalsensationshere。
Shehadenteredthedancefromthetroubledhoursofherlatelifeasonemightenterabrilliantchamberafteranightwalkinawood。Wildevebyhimselfwouldhavebeenmerelyanagitation;Wildeveaddedtothedance,andthemoonlight,andthesecrecy,begantobeadelight。
Whetherhispersonalitysuppliedthegreaterpartofthissweetlycompoundedfeeling,orwhetherthedanceandthesceneweighedthemoretherein,wasanicepointuponwhichEustaciaherselfwasentirelyinacloud。
Peoplebegantosay\"Whoarethey?\"butnoinvidiousinquiriesweremade。HadEustaciamingledwiththeothergirlsintheirordinarydailywalksthecasewouldhavebeendifferent:hereshewasnotinconveniencedbyexcessiveinspection,forallwerewroughttotheirbrightestgracebytheoccasion。LiketheplanetMercurysurroundedbythelustreofsunset,herpermanentbrilliancypassedwithoutmuchnoticeinthetemporarygloryofthesituation。
AsforWildeve,hisfeelingsareeasytoguess。
Obstacleswerearipeningsuntohislove,andhewasatthismomentinadeliriumofexquisitemisery。
Toclaspashisforfiveminuteswhatwasanotherman’sthroughalltherestoftheyearwasakindofthingheofallmencouldappreciate。HehadlongsincebeguntosighagainforEustacia;indeed,itmaybeassertedthatsigningthemarriageregisterwithThomasinwasthenaturalsignaltohishearttoreturntoitsfirstquarters,andthattheextracomplicationofEustacia’smarriagewastheoneadditionrequiredtomakethatreturncompulsory。
Thus,fordifferentreasons,whatwastotherestanexhilaratingmovementwastothesetwoaridinguponthewhirlwind。
Thedancehadcomelikeanirresistibleattackuponwhateversenseofsocialordertherewasintheirminds,todrivethembackintooldpathswhichwerenowdoublyirregular。
Throughthreedancesinsuccessiontheyspuntheirway;
andthen,fatiguedwiththeincessantmotion,Eustaciaturnedtoquitthecircleinwhichshehadalreadyremainedtoolong。
Wildeveledhertoagrassymoundafewyardsdistant,whereshesatdown,herpartnerstandingbesideher。
Fromthetimethatheaddressedheratthebeginningofthedancetillnowtheyhadnotexchangedaword。
\"Thedanceandthewalkinghavetiredyou?\"hesaidtenderly。
\"No;notgreatly。\"
\"Itisstrangethatweshouldhavemethereofallplaces,aftermissingeachothersolong。\"
\"Wehavemissedbecausewetriedtomiss,Isuppose。\"
\"Yes。Butyoubeganthatproceeding——bybreakingapromise。\"
\"Itisscarcelyworthwhiletotalkofthatnow。
Wehaveformedothertiessincethen——younolessthanI。\"
\"Iamsorrytohearthatyourhusbandisill。\"
\"Heisnotill——onlyincapacitated。\"
\"Yes——thatiswhatImean。Isincerelysympathizewithyouinyourtrouble。Fatehastreatedyoucruelly。\"
Shewassilentawhile。\"Haveyouheardthathehaschosentoworkasafurze—cutter?\"shesaidinalow,mournfulvoice。
\"Ithasbeenmentionedtome,\"answeredWildevehesitatingly。
\"ButIhardlybelievedit。\"
\"Itistrue。Whatdoyouthinkofmeasafurze—
cutter’swife?\"
\"Ithinkthesameaseverofyou,Eustacia。Nothingofthatsortcandegradeyou——youennobletheoccupationofyourhusband。\"
\"IwishIcouldfeelit。\"
\"IsthereanychanceofMr。Yeobrightgettingbetter?\"
\"Hethinksso。Idoubtit。\"
\"Iwasquitesurprisedtohearthathehadtakenacottage。
Ithought,incommonwithotherpeople,thathewouldhavetakenyouofftoahomeinParisimmediatelyafteryouhadmarriedhim。’Whatagay,brightfutureshehasbeforeher!’
Ithought。Hewill,Isuppose,returntherewithyou,ifhissightgetsstrongagain?\"
Observingthatshedidnotreplyheregardedhermoreclosely。Shewasalmostweeping。Imagesofafuturenevertobeenjoyed,therevivedsenseofherbitterdisappointment,thepictureoftheneighbour’ssuspendedridiculewhichwasraisedbyWildeve’swords,hadbeentoomuchforproudEustacia’sequanimity。
Wildevecouldhardlycontrolhisowntooforwardfeelingswhenhesawhersilentperturbation。Butheaffectednottonoticethis,andshesoonrecoveredhercalmness。
\"Youdonotintendtowalkhomebyyourself?\"heasked。
\"Oyes,\"saidEustacia。\"Whatcouldhurtmeonthisheath,whohavenothing?\"
\"BydivergingalittleIcanmakemywayhomethesameasyours。IshallbegladtokeepyoucompanyasfarasThroopeCorner。\"SeeingthatEustaciasatoninhesitationheadded,\"Perhapsyouthinkitunwisetobeseeninthesameroadwithmeaftertheeventsoflastsummer?\"
\"IndeedIthinknosuchthing,\"shesaidhaughtily。
\"IshallacceptwhosecompanyIchoose,forallthatmaybesaidbythemiserableinhabitantsofEgdon。\"
\"Thenletuswalkon——ifyouareready。Ournearestwayistowardsthathollybushwiththedarkshadowthatyouseedownthere。\"
Eustaciaarose,andwalkedbesidehiminthedirectionsignified,brushingherwayoverthedampingheathandfern,andfollowedbythestrainsofthemerrymakers,whostillkeptupthedance。Themoonhadnowwaxedbrightandsilvery,buttheheathwasproofagainstsuchillumination,andtherewastobeobservedthestrikingsceneofadark,raylesstractofcountryunderanatmospherechargedfromitszenithtoitsextremitieswithwhitestlight。
Toaneyeabovethemtheirtwofaceswouldhaveappearedamidtheexpanseliketwopearlsonatableofebony。