第22章

类别:其他 作者:Thomas Hardy字数:9554更新时间:19/01/07 14:37:59
\"LepointdujourCauseparfois,causedouleurextreme; Quel’espacedesnuitsestcourtPourlebergerbrulantd’amour,Forcedequittercequ’ilaimeAupointdujour!\" ItwasbitterlyplaintoEustaciathathedidnotcaremuchaboutsocialfailure;andtheproudfairwomanbowedherheadandweptinsickdespairatthoughtoftheblastingeffectuponherownlifeofthatmoodandconditioninhim。 Thenshecameforward。 \"Iwouldstarveratherthandoit!\"sheexclaimedvehemently。 \"Andyoucansing!Iwillgoandlivewithmygrandfatheragain!\" \"Eustacia!Ididnotseeyou,thoughInoticedsomethingmoving,\"hesaidgently。Hecameforward,pulledoffhishugeleatherglove,andtookherhand。 \"Whydoyouspeakinsuchastrangeway?ItisonlyalittleoldsongwhichstruckmyfancywhenIwasinParis,andnowjustappliestomylifewithyou。Hasyourloveformealldied,then,becausemyappearanceisnolongerthatofafinegentleman?\" \"Dearest,youmustnotquestionmeunpleasantly,oritmaymakemenotloveyou。\" \"DoyoubelieveitpossiblethatIwouldruntheriskofdoingthat?\" \"Well,youfollowoutyourownideas,andwon’tgiveintominewhenIwishyoutoleaveoffthisshamefullabour。Isthereanythingyoudislikeinmethatyouactsocontrarilytomywishes?Iamyourwife,andwhywillyounotlisten?Yes,Iamyourwifeindeed!\" \"Iknowwhatthattonemeans。\" \"Whattone?\" \"Thetoneinwhichyousaid,’Yourwifeindeed。’Itmeant,’Yourwife,worseluck。’\" \"Itishardinyoutoprobemewiththatremark。 Awomanmayhavereason,thoughsheisnotwithoutheart,andifIfelt’worseluck,’itwasnoignoblefeeling—— itwasonlytoonatural。There,youseethatatanyrateIdonotattemptuntruths。Doyourememberhow,beforeweweremarried,IwarnedyouthatIhadnotgoodwifelyqualities?\" \"Youmockmetosaythatnow。Onthatpointatleasttheonlynoblecoursewouldbetoholdyourtongue,foryouarestillqueenofme,Eustacia,thoughImaynolongerbekingofyou。\" \"Youaremyhusband。Doesnotthatcontentyou?\" \"Notunlessyouaremywifewithoutregret。\" \"Icannotansweryou。IremembersayingthatIshouldbeaseriousmatteronyourhands。\" \"Yes,Isawthat。\" \"Thenyouweretooquicktosee!Notrueloverwouldhaveseenanysuchthing;youaretoosevereuponme,Clym——Iwon’tlikeyourspeakingsoatall。\" \"Well,Imarriedyouinspiteofit,anddon’tregretdoingso。Howcoldyouseemthisafternoon!andyetI usedtothinkthereneverwasawarmerheartthanyours。\" \"Yes,Ifearwearecooling——Iseeitaswellasyou,\" shesighedmournfully。\"Andhowmadlywelovedtwomonthsago!Youwerenevertiredofcontemplatingme,norI ofcontemplatingyou。Whocouldhavethoughtthenthatbythistimemyeyeswouldnotseemsoverybrighttoyours,noryourlipssoverysweettomine?Twomonths——isitpossible?Yes,’tistootrue!\" \"Yousigh,dear,asifyouweresorryforit;andthat’sahopefulsign。\" \"No。Idon’tsighforthat。Thereareotherthingsformetosighfor,oranyotherwomaninmyplace。\" \"Thatyourchancesinlifeareruinedbymarryinginhasteanunfortunateman?\" \"Whywillyouforceme,Clym,tosaybitterthings?I deservepityasmuchasyou。Asmuch?——IthinkIdeserveitmore。Foryoucansing!Itwouldbeastrangehourwhichshouldcatchmesingingundersuchacloudasthis! Believeme,sweet,Icouldweeptoadegreethatwouldastonishandconfoundsuchanelasticmindasyours。 Evenhadyoufeltcarelessaboutyourownaffliction,youmighthaverefrainedfromsingingoutofsheerpityformine。God!ifIwereamaninsuchapositionIwouldcurseratherthansing。\" Yeobrightplacedhishanduponherarm。\"Now,don’tyousuppose,myinexperiencedgirl,thatIcannotrebel,inhighPrometheanfashion,againstthegodsandfateaswellasyou。Ihavefeltmoresteamandsmokeofthatsortthanyouhaveeverheardof。ButthemoreI seeoflifethemoredoIperceivethatthereisnothingparticularlygreatinitsgreatestwalks,andthereforenothingparticularlysmallinmineoffurze—cutting。 IfIfeelthatthegreatestblessingsvouchsafedtousarenotveryvaluable,howcanIfeelittobeanygreathardshipwhentheyaretakenaway?SoIsingtopassthetime。Haveyouindeedlostalltendernessforme,thatyoubegrudgemeafewcheerfulmoments?\" \"Ihavestillsometendernessleftforyou。\" \"Yourwordshavenolongertheiroldflavour。Andsolovedieswithgoodfortune!\" \"Icannotlistentothis,Clym——itwillendbitterly,\" shesaidinabrokenvoice。\"Iwillgohome。\" 3—SheGoesOuttoBattleagainstDepressionAfewdayslater,beforethemonthofAugusthasexpired,EustaciaandYeobrightsattogetherattheirearlydinner。 Eustacia’smannerhadbecomeoflatealmostapathetic。 Therewasaforlornlookaboutherbeautifuleyeswhich,whethershedeserveditornot,wouldhaveexcitedpityinthebreastofanyonewhohadknownherduringthefullflushofherloveforClym。Thefeelingsofhusbandandwifevaried,insomemeasure,inverselywiththeirpositions。Clym,theafflictedman,wascheerful; andheeventriedtocomforther,whohadneverfeltamomentofphysicalsufferinginherwholelife。 \"Come,brightenup,dearest;weshallbeallrightagain。 SomedayperhapsIshallseeaswellasever。 AndIsolemnlypromisethatI’llleaveoffcuttingfurzeassoonasIhavethepowertodoanythingbetter。 Youcannotseriouslywishmetostayidlingathomeallday?\" \"Butitissodreadful——afurze—cutter!andyouamanwhohavelivedabouttheworld,andspeakFrench,andGerman,andwhoarefitforwhatissomuchbetterthanthis。\" \"IsupposewhenyoufirstsawmeandheardaboutmeI waswrappedinasortofgoldenhalotoyoureyes——amanwhoknewgloriousthings,andhadmixedinbrilliantscenes——inshort,anadorable,delightful,distractinghero?\" \"Yes,\"shesaid,sobbing。 \"AndnowIamapoorfellowinbrownleather。\" \"Don’ttauntme。Butenoughofthis。Iwillnotbedepressedanymore。Iamgoingfromhomethisafternoon,unlessyougreatlyobject。Thereistobeavillagepicnic——agipsying,theycallit——atEastEgdon,andI shallgo。\" \"Todance?\" \"Whynot?Youcansing。\" \"Well,well,asyouwill。MustIcometofetchyou?\" \"Ifyoureturnsoonenoughfromyourwork。Butdonotinconvenienceyourselfaboutit。Iknowthewayhome,andtheheathhasnoterrorforme。\" \"Andcanyouclingtogaietysoeagerlyastowalkallthewaytoavillagefestivalinsearchofit?\" \"Now,youdon’tlikemygoingalone!Clym,youarenotjealous?\" \"No。ButIwouldcomewithyouifitcouldgiveyouanypleasure;though,asthingsstand,perhapsyouhavetoomuchofmealready。Still,Isomehowwishthatyoudidnotwanttogo。Yes,perhapsIamjealous; andwhocouldbejealouswithmorereasonthanI,ahalf—blindman,oversuchawomanasyou?\" \"Don’tthinklikeit。Letmego,anddon’ttakeallmyspiritsaway!\" \"Iwouldratherloseallmyown,mysweetwife。Goanddowhateveryoulike。Whocanforbidyourindulgenceinanywhim?Youhaveallmyheartyet,Ibelieve; andbecauseyoubearwithme,whoamintruthadraguponyou,Ioweyouthanks。Yes,goaloneandshine。 Asforme,Iwillsticktomydoom。Atthatkindofmeetingpeoplewouldshunme。MyhookandglovesareliketheSt。Lazarusrattleoftheleper,warningtheworldtogetoutofthewayofasightthatwouldsaddenthem。\" Hekissedher,putonhisleggings,andwentout。 Whenhewasgonesherestedherheaduponherhandsandsaidtoherself,\"Twowastedlives——hisandmine。 AndIamcometothis!Willitdrivemeoutofmymind?\" Shecastaboutforanypossiblecoursewhichofferedtheleastimprovementontheexistingstateofthings,andcouldfindnone。SheimaginedhowallthoseBudmouthoneswhoshouldlearnwhathadbecomeofherwouldsay,\"Lookatthegirlforwhomnobodywasgoodenough!\" ToEustaciathesituationseemedsuchamockeryofherhopesthatdeathappearedtheonlydoorofreliefifthesatireofHeavenshouldgomuchfurther。 Suddenlyshearousedherselfandexclaimed,\"ButI’llshakeitoff。Yes,IWILLshakeitoff!Nooneshallknowmysuffering。I’llbebitterlymerry,andironicallygay,andI’lllaughinderision。AndI’llbeginbygoingtothisdanceonthegreen。\" Sheascendedtoherbedroomanddressedherselfwithscrupulouscare。Toanonlookerherbeautywouldhavemadeherfeelingsalmostseemreasonable。ThegloomycornerintowhichaccidentasmuchasindiscretionhadbroughtthiswomanmighthaveledevenamoderatepartisantofeelthatshehadcogentreasonsforaskingtheSupremePowerbywhatrightabeingofsuchexquisitefinishhadbeenplacedincircumstancescalculatedtomakeofhercharmsacurseratherthanablessing。 Itwasfiveintheafternoonwhenshecameoutfromthehousereadyforherwalk。Therewasmaterialenoughinthepicturefortwentynewconquests。Therebellioussadnessthatwasrathertooapparentwhenshesatindoorswithoutabonnetwascloakedandsoftenedbyheroutdoorattire,whichalwayshadasortofnebulousnessaboutit,devoidofharshedgesanywhere;sothatherfacelookedfromitsenvironmentasfromacloud,withnonoticeablelinesofdemarcationbetweenfleshandclothes。Theheatofthedayhadscarcelydeclinedasyet,andshewentalongthesunnyhillsataleisurelypace,therebeingampletimeforheridleexpedition。Tallfernsburiedherintheirleafagewheneverherpathlaythroughthem,whichnowformedminiatureforests,thoughnotonestemofthemwouldremaintobudthenextyear。 Thesitechosenforthevillagefestivitywasoneofthelawnlikeoaseswhichwereoccasionally,yetnotoften,metwithontheplateauxoftheheathdistrict。Thebrakesoffurzeandfernterminatedabruptlyroundthemargin,andthegrasswasunbroken。Agreencattletrackskirtedthespot,without,however,emergingfromthescreenoffern,andthispathEustaciafollowed,inordertoreconnoitrethegroupbeforejoiningit。ThelustynotesoftheEastEgdonbandhaddirectedherunerringly,andshenowbeheldthemusiciansthemselves,sittinginabluewagonwithredwheelsscrubbedasbrightasnew,andarchedwithsticks,towhichboughsandflowersweretied。 Infrontofthiswasthegrandcentraldanceoffifteenortwentycouples,flankedbyminordancesofinferiorindividualswhosegyrationswerenotalwaysinstrictkeepingwiththetune。 Theyoungmenworeblueandwhiterosettes,andwithaflushontheirfacesfootedittothegirls,who,withtheexcitementandtheexercise,blusheddeeperthanthepinkoftheirnumerousribbons。Faironeswithlongcurls,faironeswithshortcurls,faironeswithlovelocks,faironeswithbraids,flewroundandround;andabeholdermightwellhavewonderedhowsuchaprepossessingsetofyoungwomenoflikesize,age,anddisposition,couldhavebeencollectedtogetherwheretherewereonlyoneortwovillagestochoosefrom。Inthebackgroundwasonehappymandancingbyhimself,withclosedeyes,totallyobliviousofalltherest。Afirewasburningunderapollardthornafewpacesoff,overwhichthreekettleshunginarow。Hardbywasatablewhereelderlydamespreparedtea,butEustacialookedamongtheminvainforthecattle—dealer’swifewhohadsuggestedthatsheshouldcome,andhadpromisedtoobtainacourteouswelcomeforher。 ThisunexpectedabsenceoftheonlylocalresidentwhomEustaciaknewconsiderablydamagedherschemeforanafternoonofrecklessgaiety。Joininginbecameamatterofdifficulty,notwithstandingthat,wereshetoadvance,cheerfuldameswouldcomeforwardwithcupsofteaandmakemuchofherasastrangerofsuperiorgraceandknowledgetothemselves。Havingwatchedthecompanythroughthefiguresoftwodances,shedecidedtowalkalittlefurther,toacottagewhereshemightgetsomerefreshment,andthenreturnhomewardintheshadytimeofevening。 Thisshedid,andbythetimethatsheretracedherstepstowardsthesceneofthegipsying,whichitwasnecessarytorepassonherwaytoAlderworth,thesunwasgoingdown。 Theairwasnowsostillthatshecouldhearthebandafaroff,anditseemedtobeplayingwithmorespirit,ifthatwerepossible,thanwhenshehadcomeaway。 Onreachingthehillthesunhadquitedisappeared; butthismadelittledifferenceeithertoEustaciaortotherevellers,foraroundyellowmoonwasrisingbeforeher,thoughitsrayshadnotyetoutmasteredthosefromthewest。Thedancewasgoingonjustthesame,butstrangershadarrivedandformedaringaroundthefigure,sothatEustaciacouldstandamongthesewithoutachanceofbeingrecognized。 Awholevillage—fullofsensuousemotion,scatteredabroadalltheyearlong,surgedhereinafocusforanhour。 Thefortyheartsofthosewavingcoupleswerebeatingastheyhadnotdonesince,twelvemonthsbefore,theyhadcometogetherinsimilarjollity。Forthetimepaganismwasrevivedintheirhearts,theprideoflifewasallinall,andtheyadorednoneotherthanthemselves。 Howmanyofthoseimpassionedbuttemporaryembracesweredestinedtobecomeperpetualwaspossiblythewonderofsomeofthosewhoindulgedinthem,aswellasofEustaciawholookedon。Shebegantoenvythosepirouetters,tohungerforthehopeandhappinesswhichthefascinationofthedanceseemedtoengenderwithinthem。 Desperatelyfondofdancingherself,oneofEustacia’sexpectationsofParishadbeentheopportunityitmightaffordherofindulgenceinthisfavouritepastime。 Unhappily,thatexpectationwasnowextinctwithinherforever。 Whilstsheabstractedlywatchedthemspinningandfluctuatingintheincreasingmoonlightshesuddenlyheardhernamewhisperedbyavoiceoverhershoulder。 Turninginsurprise,shebeheldatherelbowonewhosepresenceinstantlycausedhertoflushtothetemples。 ItwasWildeve。Tillthismomenthehadnotmethereyesincethemorningofhismarriage,whenshehadbeenloiteringinthechurch,andhadstartledhimbyliftingherveilandcomingforwardtosigntheregisteraswitness。 Yetwhythesightofhimshouldhaveinstigatedthatsuddenrushofbloodshecouldnottell。 Beforeshecouldspeakhewhispered,\"Doyoulikedancingasmuchasever?\" \"IthinkIdo,\"sherepliedinalowvoice。 \"Willyoudancewithme?\" \"Itwouldbeagreatchangeforme;butwillitnotseemstrange?\" \"Whatstrangenesscantherebeinrelationsdancingtogether?\" \"Ah——yes,relations。Perhapsnone。\" \"Still,ifyoudon’tliketobeseen,pulldownyourveil; thoughthereisnotmuchriskofbeingknownbythislight。 Lotsofstrangersarehere。\" Shedidashesuggested;andtheactwasatacitacknowledgmentthatsheacceptedhisoffer。 Wildevegaveherhisarmandtookherdownontheoutsideoftheringtothebottomofthedance,whichtheyentered。 Intwominutesmoretheywereinvolvedinthefigureandbeganworkingtheirwayupwardstothetop。 TilltheyhadadvancedhalfwaythitherEustaciawishedmorethanoncethatshehadnotyieldedtohisrequest; fromthemiddletothetopshefeltthat,sinceshehadcomeouttoseekpleasure,shewasonlydoinganaturalthingtoobtainit。Fairlylaunchedintotheceaselessglidesandwhirlswhichtheirnewpositionastopcoupleopeneduptothem,Eustacia’spulsesbegantomovetooquicklyforlongruminationofanykind。 Throughthelengthoffive—and—twentycouplestheythreadedtheirgiddyway,andanewvitalityenteredherform。 Thepalerayofeveninglentafascinationtotheexperience。 Thereisacertaindegreeandtoneoflightwhichtendstodisturbtheequilibriumofthesenses,andtopromotedangerouslythetenderermoods;addedtomovement,itdrivestheemotionstorankness,thereasonbecomingsleepyandunperceivingininverseproportion;andthislightfellnowuponthesetwofromthediscofthemoon。 Allthedancinggirlsfeltthesymptoms,butEustaciamostofall。Thegrassundertheirfeetbecametroddenaway,andthehard,beatensurfaceofthesod,whenviewedaslanttowardsthemoonlight,shonelikeapolishedtable。 Theairbecamequitestill,theflagabovethewagonwhichheldthemusiciansclungtothepole,andtheplayersappearedonlyinoutlineagainstthesky;exceptwhenthecircularmouthsofthetrombone,ophicleide,andFrenchhorngleamedoutlikehugeeyesfromtheshadeoftheirfigures。 Theprettydressesofthemaidslosttheirsubtlerdaycoloursandshowedmoreorlessofamistywhite。 EustaciafloatedroundandroundonWildeve’sarm,herfaceraptandstatuesque;hersoulhadpassedawayfromandforgottenherfeatures,whichwereleftemptyandquiescent,astheyalwaysarewhenfeelinggoesbeyondtheirregister。 HownearshewastoWildeve!itwasterribletothinkof。 Shecouldfeelhisbreathing,andhe,ofcourse,couldfeelhers。Howbadlyshehadtreatedhim!yet,heretheyweretreadingonemeasure。Theenchantmentofthedancesurprisedher。Aclearlineofdifferencedividedlikeatangiblefenceherexperiencewithinthismazeofmotionfromherexperiencewithoutit。 Herbeginningtodancehadbeenlikeachangeofatmosphere; outside,shehadbeensteepedinarcticfrigiditybycomparisonwiththetropicalsensationshere。 Shehadenteredthedancefromthetroubledhoursofherlatelifeasonemightenterabrilliantchamberafteranightwalkinawood。Wildevebyhimselfwouldhavebeenmerelyanagitation;Wildeveaddedtothedance,andthemoonlight,andthesecrecy,begantobeadelight。 Whetherhispersonalitysuppliedthegreaterpartofthissweetlycompoundedfeeling,orwhetherthedanceandthesceneweighedthemoretherein,wasanicepointuponwhichEustaciaherselfwasentirelyinacloud。 Peoplebegantosay\"Whoarethey?\"butnoinvidiousinquiriesweremade。HadEustaciamingledwiththeothergirlsintheirordinarydailywalksthecasewouldhavebeendifferent:hereshewasnotinconveniencedbyexcessiveinspection,forallwerewroughttotheirbrightestgracebytheoccasion。LiketheplanetMercurysurroundedbythelustreofsunset,herpermanentbrilliancypassedwithoutmuchnoticeinthetemporarygloryofthesituation。 AsforWildeve,hisfeelingsareeasytoguess。 Obstacleswerearipeningsuntohislove,andhewasatthismomentinadeliriumofexquisitemisery。 Toclaspashisforfiveminuteswhatwasanotherman’sthroughalltherestoftheyearwasakindofthingheofallmencouldappreciate。HehadlongsincebeguntosighagainforEustacia;indeed,itmaybeassertedthatsigningthemarriageregisterwithThomasinwasthenaturalsignaltohishearttoreturntoitsfirstquarters,andthattheextracomplicationofEustacia’smarriagewastheoneadditionrequiredtomakethatreturncompulsory。 Thus,fordifferentreasons,whatwastotherestanexhilaratingmovementwastothesetwoaridinguponthewhirlwind。 Thedancehadcomelikeanirresistibleattackuponwhateversenseofsocialordertherewasintheirminds,todrivethembackintooldpathswhichwerenowdoublyirregular。 Throughthreedancesinsuccessiontheyspuntheirway; andthen,fatiguedwiththeincessantmotion,Eustaciaturnedtoquitthecircleinwhichshehadalreadyremainedtoolong。 Wildeveledhertoagrassymoundafewyardsdistant,whereshesatdown,herpartnerstandingbesideher。 Fromthetimethatheaddressedheratthebeginningofthedancetillnowtheyhadnotexchangedaword。 \"Thedanceandthewalkinghavetiredyou?\"hesaidtenderly。 \"No;notgreatly。\" \"Itisstrangethatweshouldhavemethereofallplaces,aftermissingeachothersolong。\" \"Wehavemissedbecausewetriedtomiss,Isuppose。\" \"Yes。Butyoubeganthatproceeding——bybreakingapromise。\" \"Itisscarcelyworthwhiletotalkofthatnow。 Wehaveformedothertiessincethen——younolessthanI。\" \"Iamsorrytohearthatyourhusbandisill。\" \"Heisnotill——onlyincapacitated。\" \"Yes——thatiswhatImean。Isincerelysympathizewithyouinyourtrouble。Fatehastreatedyoucruelly。\" Shewassilentawhile。\"Haveyouheardthathehaschosentoworkasafurze—cutter?\"shesaidinalow,mournfulvoice。 \"Ithasbeenmentionedtome,\"answeredWildevehesitatingly。 \"ButIhardlybelievedit。\" \"Itistrue。Whatdoyouthinkofmeasafurze— cutter’swife?\" \"Ithinkthesameaseverofyou,Eustacia。Nothingofthatsortcandegradeyou——youennobletheoccupationofyourhusband。\" \"IwishIcouldfeelit。\" \"IsthereanychanceofMr。Yeobrightgettingbetter?\" \"Hethinksso。Idoubtit。\" \"Iwasquitesurprisedtohearthathehadtakenacottage。 Ithought,incommonwithotherpeople,thathewouldhavetakenyouofftoahomeinParisimmediatelyafteryouhadmarriedhim。’Whatagay,brightfutureshehasbeforeher!’ Ithought。Hewill,Isuppose,returntherewithyou,ifhissightgetsstrongagain?\" Observingthatshedidnotreplyheregardedhermoreclosely。Shewasalmostweeping。Imagesofafuturenevertobeenjoyed,therevivedsenseofherbitterdisappointment,thepictureoftheneighbour’ssuspendedridiculewhichwasraisedbyWildeve’swords,hadbeentoomuchforproudEustacia’sequanimity。 Wildevecouldhardlycontrolhisowntooforwardfeelingswhenhesawhersilentperturbation。Butheaffectednottonoticethis,andshesoonrecoveredhercalmness。 \"Youdonotintendtowalkhomebyyourself?\"heasked。 \"Oyes,\"saidEustacia。\"Whatcouldhurtmeonthisheath,whohavenothing?\" \"BydivergingalittleIcanmakemywayhomethesameasyours。IshallbegladtokeepyoucompanyasfarasThroopeCorner。\"SeeingthatEustaciasatoninhesitationheadded,\"Perhapsyouthinkitunwisetobeseeninthesameroadwithmeaftertheeventsoflastsummer?\" \"IndeedIthinknosuchthing,\"shesaidhaughtily。 \"IshallacceptwhosecompanyIchoose,forallthatmaybesaidbythemiserableinhabitantsofEgdon。\" \"Thenletuswalkon——ifyouareready。Ournearestwayistowardsthathollybushwiththedarkshadowthatyouseedownthere。\" Eustaciaarose,andwalkedbesidehiminthedirectionsignified,brushingherwayoverthedampingheathandfern,andfollowedbythestrainsofthemerrymakers,whostillkeptupthedance。Themoonhadnowwaxedbrightandsilvery,buttheheathwasproofagainstsuchillumination,andtherewastobeobservedthestrikingsceneofadark,raylesstractofcountryunderanatmospherechargedfromitszenithtoitsextremitieswithwhitestlight。 Toaneyeabovethemtheirtwofaceswouldhaveappearedamidtheexpanseliketwopearlsonatableofebony。