\"Don’tmindmycrankiness,Ros。I’vegotsomuchonmymindthatI’dbemeantomyoldgrandmother,ifIhadone,Iguesslikely。
Don’tletmymeannesstroubleyou;itisn’tworthtrouble。\"
Ilaughed。\"George,\"Isaid,\"ifIeverdreamedofsuchathingasgettingmarriedmyself,youwouldscaremeoutofit。Yououghttobeahappyman,andactlikeone;insteadyouactasifyouwereabouttobejailed。\"
Hecaughthisbreathwithasortofgasp。Then,afterapauseandwithoutlookingup,heaskedslowly:
\"Jailed?Whatintheworldmadeyousaythat,Ros?\"
\"Isaiditbecauseyouactasifyouwereboundforstate’sprisoninsteadofthematrimonialaltar。George,whatIStroublingyou?\"
\"Troublingme?Why——why,nothingspecial,ofcourse。Catchingupwithmyworkheremakesmenervousand——andkindofabsent—minded,Iguess。Actabsent—minded,don’tI?\"
Hedid,therewasnodoubtofthat,butIdidnotbelieveitwashisworkwhichcausedtheabsent—mindedness。
\"Ifthereisanytrouble,George,\"Isaid,earnestly;\"ifyou’reinanydifficulty,personally,Ishallbeverygladtohelpyou,ifI
can。Imeanthat。\"
ForamomentIthoughthehesitated。Thenheshookhishead。
\"Iknowyoumeanit,Ros,\"heanswered。\"I’mmuchobligedtoyou,too。Butthere’snothingtohelpmewith。I’mjustnervousandtired,that’sall。\"
Ididnotbelieveit,butIfeltthatIhadsaidallIcould,consideringhisattitude。Ibadehimgoodnightandleftthebuilding。AsIcamedownthestepsMissColtonwasjustcrossingtheroadfromEldredge’sstore,agoodsizedbrownpaperparcelinherhand。
EversincethedaywhenCaptainJedhadgivenmehiswarningIhadbeenstrengtheningmyresolution。TheremarkofMrs。Colton’swhichIhadoverheardonthenightofthefishingtrip,althoughitrevealedtome,asIbelieved,myrealstandinginthemindsofmyneighbors,whatevertheymightpretendwheninmycompany,was,afterall,onlyaminordetail。IknewthatImustbreakoffmyacquaintancewiththisgirl。Byallthatwassensibleandsaneitmustbebrokenoff。Imustnot,formyownsake,continuetomeether,toseeherandspeakwithher。No;IwouldavoidherifI
could,but,atallevents,Iwouldbreakofftheassociation,evenifIwereobligedtooffendher,deliberatelyoffendher,toaccomplishmypurpose。Isworeit;andthenIsworeatmyselfforbeingsoweak—mindedastoneedtoswear。ThatIshouldbeafraidofagirl,ameregirl,tenyearsyoungerthanI,who,asthecasualpastimeofanidlesummer,hadchosentopretendaninterestinme!Iwasnotafraidofher,ofcourse;Iwasafraidofmyself。
NotthatIwasindangeroffallinginlovewithher——thatideawastooridiculoustobeevenfunny。Butshewasbecomingadisturbinginfluenceinmylife——thatwasit,adisturbinginfluence——andI
mustnotpermitmyselftobedisturbed。
Sonow,asIsawthedisturbinginfluencecrossingtheroadinmydirection,myfirstthoughtwastoretreattothebank。Butitwastoolatetoretreat;shehadseenme,andshebowedpleasantlyassheapproached。
\"Goodafternoon,\"shesaid。
Ibowedandadmittedthattheafternoonwasagoodone,consciousasIdidsothatSimEldredgehadfollowedhertothedoorofhisstoreandwasregardinguswithmarkedinterest。
Sheexhibitedthepackage。\"Iamactingasmyownerrandboy,yousee,\"shesaid,smiling。\"ItwassuchabeautifuldaythatI
refusedtosendanyoneforthis,oreventoride。Ididnotrealizethatafewyardsofmuslinwouldmakesuchabundle。NowI
mustcarryit,Isuppose,inspiteofappearances。\"
IbelievedIsawanopportunitytoescape。
\"Iamgoingdirectlyhome,\"Isaid。\"Letmecarryitdownforyou。
IwillsenditovertoyourhousebyLute。\"
\"Oh,nothankyou。IcouldnotthinkoftroublingMr。Rogers。Butdoyoureallywanttocarryit?Youmay,forawhile。Wewilltaketurns。Iamgoingdirectlyhome,too;andwewillwalkdowntogether。Unless,ofcourse,youareinahurry。\"
Ithinkitwastheexpressionofmyfacewhichledhertoaddthelastsentence。IfIhadhadtimetothink,tosummonmyresolution,itispossible——yes,itispossiblethatIshouldhavedeclaredmyselftobeinahurryandgoneonalone。Butshehadcaughtmeunawaresandresolutionwaswanting。IannouncedthatIwasinnohurryatall,andtooktheparcel。
Wewalkedontogether,shechattingeasily,andIpretendingtolisten,althoughawarethatourprogresswaswatchedbyeagereyesandcommenteduponandexclaimedoverbymanytongues。Thedrawnshadesofparlorwindowsmovedsignificantlyaswepassedand,asweturnedintotheLowerRoad,IglancedovermyshoulderandsawSimEldredgeandhisclerkandThophNewcombandAlvinBakeronthestoreplatform,staringafterus。Asifthisaudiencewasnotsufficient,andtomaketheaffaircomplete,wemetCaptainDeanstruttingimportantlyonhiswaytothepost—office。Hebowedandsaid\"Afternoon,\"butthelookhegavemewassignificant。Therewassurpriseinit,anddistrust。IknewIshouldhavetodomoreexplainingatournextmeeting。AndIknew,too,orcouldguess,whatwasbeingsaidthatverymomentatthestore,andofthesurmisingandtheorizingandstrengtheningofsuspicionswhichwouldgoonatadozensuppertablesthatevening。
Mycompanion,however,appearedtobequiteunconsciousofallthis。ThatImightbesuspectedandmisjudgedbecauseshehadchancedtoprefermycompanytoawalkhomealonedidnot,evidently,occurtoher。Therewasnoreasonwhyitshould,ofcourse;shewasnotinthepositionwheretheopinionorsuspicionsofDenboro’sinhabitantsneedconcernherintheleast。ButI,angryatCaptainJedforhislookandwithSimEldredgeandhiscompanionsfortheirimpudentstaresandthetroubleIknewtheirgossipytongueswouldmakeforme,wasgloomyandresentful。
ShedidmostofthetalkingandIwalkedbesideher,puttinginawordoccasionallyanddoingmybesttoappearasunconcernedasshereallywas。WecrossedElnathanMullet’sbridgeandcontinueddowntheShoreLane。SuddenlyIwasawarethatshehadnotspokenforsomeminutes。
\"Eh?Yes,MissColton;whatisit?\"Istammered。ThenIrealizedthatwewerestandingbesidethegranitepostsmarkingtheentrancetotheColtongrounds。Ihadbeensowrappedinmyunpleasantthoughtsandforebodingsthatwehadreachedourjourney’sendwithoutmynoticingit。
\"Well!\"Iexclaimed,andthenaddedthebrilliantobservation,\"Wearehere,aren’twe。\"
\"Weare,\"shesaid,dryly。\"Didn’tyouknowit?\"
\"Why,Ihadnotrealized。Thewalkhasseemedsoshort。\"
\"Yes,I’msureitmust。Ithinkyouhavespokenexactlysixwordsinthelastfiveminutes。Willyoucomein?\"
\"Ohno;no,thankyou。\"
\"Whynot?Fatherisinandwillbegladtoseeyou。\"
\"I——Imustbegettingontowardhome。Supperwillbeready。\"
Shebitherlip。\"Farbeitfrommetocriticizeyourdomesticarrangements,Mr。Paine,\"shesaid,\"butitdoesseemtomethatyourhousekeeperservesmealsatoddhours。Itisonlyafewminutesafterfour,bymywatch。\"
Shehadmeatadisadvantage。IimaginedImusthaveappearedembarrassed。IknowIfeltthatway。
\"Ididnotrealize……Ithoughtitmuchlater,\"Istammered。
\"Thenyouwillcomein?Fatherwillliketodiscussthefishingwithyou,Iknow。Hehastalkedoflittlebuthiswonderfulweakfisheversincehecaughtit。\"
\"No,thankyou,MissColton。Really,Imustnotstop。\"
Shetooktheparcelfrommyhands。
\"Verywell,\"shesaid,indifferently;\"asyouplease。Ithankyouforyourkindnessinwalkingdownwithme。Goodafternoon,Mr。
Paine。\"
Sheturnedaway。HerewastheopportunityIhadbeenwaitingfor,theopportunityofbreakingoffouracquaintance。IfIknewanythingIknewthetoneofthat\"Goodafternoon\"meantthat,forsomereasonorother,shewasoffended,justasIhadbeencertainIwishedhertobe。Herewastheopportunity,Heavensent,toridmylifeofitsdisturbinginfluence。JustwhatIhadprayedforhadcometopass。
Andso,toprovethesincerityofmyprayersandtheworthofmyhighresolve,I——calledherback。
\"MissColton,\"Isaid。
She,apparently,didnothearme,soIcalledagain。
\"MissColton。\"
\"Yes?\"
\"Iseemsomehoworothertohaveoffendedyou。\"AndevenasIsaiditIrealizedthecompletenessoftheback—down,realizeditandblushed。Iwasashamedofmyweakness。YetwhensheaskedmetorepeatmywordsIdidso。
\"Youspoketome?\"shesaid,coldly。
\"I——IsaidIhadnotmeanttooffendyou。\"
\"WhyshouldyouimaginethatIamoffended,pray?Youseemtothinkotherpeoplemustnecessarilyregardyouasseriouslyasyoudoyourself。Iamnotoffended。\"
\"Butyouare。\"
\"Verywell;thenIam。Wewon’targuethematter;itisscarcelyworthargument,isit?\"
Thisobservationcalledfornoanswerinparticular,atleastI
couldnotthinkofone。WhileIwasgropingforawordshespokeagain。
\"Don’tletmedetainyou,Mr。Paine,\"shesaid。\"Iamsureyour——
supper,wasit?——mustbewaiting。\"
\"MissColton,you——youseemtoresentmynotacceptingyourinvitationtovisityourfather。IassureyouI——Ishouldbeverygladtocalluponhim。\"
\"Thankyou。Iwilltellhimso。Hewillbegrateful,doubtless。
Yourcondescensionisoverwhelming,Mr。Paine。\"
\"MissColton,everythingIsayseemstobewrongthisafternoon。I
don’tknowwhatIhavedone。Twiceyouhavespokenofmycondescension。\"
Herfootwasbeginningtopatthegrass。Irecognizedthebattlesignal,butIkepton。
\"Idon’tunderstandwhatyoumeanbycondescension,\"Isaid。
\"Don’tyou,indeed?Youareverydenseallatonce,Mr。Paine。\"
\"Possibly。ButIdon’tunderstand。\"
Foraninstantshehesitated。Thensheturnedonmewithagustoffierceimpatiencewhichtookmybreathaway。Hereyesflashed。
\"Youdo,\"shedeclared。\"Youdounderstand,Iamnotblind。DoyousupposeIcouldnotseethatyouwishedtoavoidmewhenImetyouatthebankjustnow?Thatmycompanywasneitherwelcomenordesired?Thatyouacceptedmysuggestionofwalkingdowntogethermerelybecauseyoucouldthinkofnoexcusefordeclining?\"
Thiswasastaggerer。Andtheworstofitwasitstruth。
\"MissColton,\"Ifaltered,\"Ican’tunderstandwhatyoumean。I——\"
\"Youdounderstand。Andplease,\"withascornfullaugh,\"oh,PLEASEunderstandthatIamnottroubledbecauseofTHAT。Yourcharmingandcultivatedsocietyisnotindispensabletomyhappiness,Mr。Paine,strangeasthatmayappeartoyou。Really,\"
withcuttingcontempt,\"itisnot。\"
\"ThatIquiteunderstand,MissColton,\"Isaid,\"but——\"
\"Butyouarelikeeveryoneelseinthishorrid,narrow,bigotedplace。Don’tyousupposethatIseeiteverywhereIgo!Everyoneherehatesus——everyone。Weareintruders;wearenotwantedhere,andyoualltakepainstomakeusfeelasuncomfortableasyoucan。Oh,youareallsnobs——allofyou。\"
Iactuallygasped。
\"Snobs!\"Irepeated。\"We——snobs?\"
\"Yes。Thatisexactlywhatyouare。WhenFathercameherehemeanttobeacitizen,agoodcitizen,ofthetown。Hehadintendedtodoallsortsofthingstohelpthevillageandthepeopleinit。HeandIdiscussedeversomanyplansfordoinggoodhere。Andwewantedtobefriendlywitheveryone。Buthowhaveyoutreatedus!Noonecomestoseeus。Weareavoidedasifwehadthesmall—pox。Themajorityofpeoplescarcelyspeaktousonthestreet。Iamsolonelyand——\"
Shestopped。Ihadneverseenhersoagitated。Asforme,astonishmentismuchtoomildatermtouseindescribingmyfeelings。Thatthesepeople,thesemillionairesandaristocratsshouldfeelthattheyhadbeenavoidedandslighted,thatweDenboroiteswerethesnobs,thatTHEYshouldbelonelybecausenoone,oralmostnoone,cametocalluponthem——thiswastoomuchformybewilderedbraintograspallatonce。
Theyoungladywenton。
\"Andyou!\"sheexclaimed。\"Youareasbadastherest。Fatherhascalleduponyouseveraltimes。Ihavecalledonyourmother。
FatherandIhavetriedtobefriendlyandneighborly。Notthatwearelackinginfriends。We,\"haughtily,\"arenotobligedtoBEG
forfriendship。Butwefeltitourdutyto——\"
Iinterrupted。ThereisalimittoforbearanceandIconsideredthatlimitreached。
\"MissColton,\"Ideclared,\"youaretalkingnonsense。Consideringthemannerinwhichyourfathertreatedmewhenwefirstmet,I——\"
\"Howdidyoutreathim?HowdidyoutreatMr。Carverandmewhenyoufirstmetusintheauto?Youinsultedus。Itwasplainenoughthenthatyouhatedus。\"
\"I——why,MissColton,Ididnotknowwhoyouwere。\"
\"Indeed!Wouldithavemadeanydifferenceifyouhadknown?I
doubtit。No,youareliketherestofthepeoplehere。Becausewehavecomefromthecityyouhavechosentobeasenviousandpettyanddisagreeableasyoucan。EvenNellieDean,whomIknowbetterthananyonehere,hasneverreturnedmycall。Thereisaconcertedplantomakeusfeelweareneitherwelcomenorwanted。
Verywell,\"disdainfully,\"weknowit。I,forone,shallnotforcemypresenceuponanyoneofyouagain。AnditisprobablethatI
shallmanagetoexistevenwithoutthedelightsofDenborosociety。
Good—by,Mr。Paine。\"
\"But,MissColton——\"
\"Good—by。\"
\"MissColton,listentome。Youarewrong,allwrong,Itellyou。
Thereisnoplanorplottomakeyoufeeluncomfortable。Weareplainvillagepeoplehere,andyouarewealthyandhavebeenusedtoassociatingwiththoseofyourclass。EveryoneinDenboroknewthatwhenyoucame,andtheyhavebeenshyofintrudingwheretheymightnotbewelcome。ThentherewasthatmatteroftheLanehere。\"
\"Oh,thatpreciousLane!IwishIhadneverseenit。\"
\"Ihavewishedthatanumberoftimesinthepastfewmonths。Butitishereandthequestionovershadowseverythingelseinthevillagejustnow。Itdoesnotseemofmuchimportancetoyou,perhaps;perhapsitisnotsoveryimportanttome;but——\"
Againsheinterruptedme。
\"Ithinkitisimportantenoughtomakeyouforget——ordinarycourtesy,\"shedeclared。\"Yes,courtesy。DON’Tlookatmelikethat!YouknowwhatImean。AsItoldyoubefore,Iamnotblind。
Docreditmewithsomeintelligence。Allthewayduringthischeerfulwalkofoursyouscarcelyspokeaword。DidyousupposeI
didnotknowwhatwastroublingyou?IsawhowthatCaptainDeanlookedatyou。Isawthosepeoplestaringfromthepost—officedoor。Iknewwhatyouwereafraidoftheirsaying:thatyouarealtogethertoocompanionablewithFatherandme;thatyouintendsellingthelandtous,afterall。Thatiswhatyouthoughttheywouldsayandyouwereafraid——AFRAIDoftheirgossip。Oh,itishumiliating!And,foratime,Ireallythoughtyouweredifferentfromtherestandabovesuchthings。\"
IbegantofeelasifIwereoncemoreasmallboyreceivingalecturefromthegoverness。
\"Iamnotatallafraidofthem,MissColton,\"Iprotested。
\"Youare。Why?Yourconscienceisclear,isn’tit?Youdon’tintendsellingouttomyfather?\"
\"Certainlynot。\"
\"Thenwhyshouldyoucarewhatpeoplelikethatmaythink?Oh,youwearyme!Iadmiredyouforyourindependence。TherearefewpersonswiththecouragetofacemyfatherasyouhavedoneandI
admiredyouforit。IwouldnothavehadyousellusthelandforANYTHING。\"
\"Youwouldnot?\"Igasped。
\"Certainlynot!Ihavebeenonyoursideallthetime。IfyouhadsoldIshouldhavethoughtyou,likealltherest,holdingbackmerelyforahigherprice。Irespectedyouforthefightyouweremaking。Youmusthaveknownit。IfIhadnotwhydoyousupposeI
gaveyouthathintabouttheDevelopmentCompany?\"
\"Goodnessknows!\"Iexclaimed,devoutly。
\"AndIwassureyoucouldnotbebribedbyanofferofapositioninFather’soffice。Itwasnotreallyabribe——Fatherhas,forsomeunexplainablereason,takenafancytoyou——butIknewyouwouldbelieveittobebribery。ThatiswhyIwassopositiveintellinghimthatyouwouldnotaccept。Andnowyou——oh,whenI
thinkofhowIhaveLOWEREDmyself!HowIhavestoopedto……
Butthere!Iamsurethatsupperofyoursmustbewaiting。Praycondescendtoconveymyregretstothefaithful——whatishername?
OddthatIshouldforgetanamelikeTHAT。Oh,yes!Dorinda!——PrayconveymyregretstothefaithfulDorindaforbeingunwittinglythecauseofthedelay,andassureherthattheoffensewillNOTberepeated。Good—by,Mr。Paine。\"
Shewalkedoff,betweenthegranitepostsandalongthecurveddrive。ThistimeImadenoattempttocallherback。ThestormhadburstsounexpectedlyandhaddevelopedintosuchahurricanethatIhadhadtimetodolittlemorethanbendmyheadbeforeit。
ButIhadhadtimeenoughtogrowangry。Iwouldnothavecalledherbackthenfortheworld。Shehadinsultedme,notonceonly,butagainandagain。Istoodandwatchedhergoonherway,andthenIturnedandwentonmyown。
Thepartinghadcome。Theacquaintancewasbrokenoff;notpreciselyasIhadintendedittobebroken,butbroken,nevertheless,andendedforgoodandall。Iwasgladofit。Therewouldbenomorefishingexcursions,nomoregiftsofflowersandbooks,nomorecharitycalls。The\"commonfellow\"wasfreefromthedisturbinginfluenceandhewasgladofit——heartilygladofit。
Yethisgladnesswasnotasapparenttoothersasitshould,byallthatwasconsistent,havebeen。Lute,evidently,observednotracesoftranscendenthappiness,whenIencounteredhiminthebackyard,besidethewoodpile,sharpeningthekindlinghatchetwithawhetstone,aprocesspeculiarlysatisfyingtohistemperamentbecauseittooksuchalongtimetoachieveanoticeableresult。
\"Hello,Ros!\"hehailed。\"Why!whatailsyou?\"
\"Ailsme?\"Irepeated,crossly。\"Nothingailsme,ofcourse。\"
\"Well,I’mgladtohearit。Youlookasifyou’dlostyourlastfriend。\"
\"Ihaven’tlostanyfriends。Farfromit。\"
\"Nobody’sdead,then?\"
\"No。ThoughIcouldfindsomewhoarehalfdeadwithouttryingveryhard。\"
Moreperfectlygoodsarcasmwasted。LuteinquiredeagerlyifI
meantoldMrs。LobeliaGlover。\"Iheardyesterdayshewasprettyfeeble,\"headded。\"’Tain’ttobeexpectedshe’lllastalongspell,atherage。DoctorQuimbysaysshehadaspineinherbackfortwentyyears。\"
ImadenocommentuponpoorMrs。Glover’ssurprisingaffliction。I
merelygruntedandwentintothehouse。Dorindalookedatmecuriously。
\"What’sthetrouble?\"sheasked。
\"Trouble!Thereisn’tanytrouble。YouandLuteseemtobelookingfortrouble。\"
\"Don’thavetolookfartofindit,inthisworld。Anythingwrongatthebank?\"
\"No。\"
\"Um—hm。Settin’solongonthefencemakeyouuneasy?Itoldyouthepicketswouldwearthroughifyouroostedon’emtoolong。\"
\"Thereisnothingthematter,Itellyou。HowisMother?\"
\"Sheain’tanywuss。If’twan’tanimpossibilityI’dsayshewasbetterthelastmonththanI’dseenhersinceshewastook。NellieDeancalledonherthisafternoon。\"
\"Humph!Ishouldthinkanextweek’sbridewouldbetoobusytocallonanyoneexceptpossiblythedressmaker。\"
\"Um—hm。Well,Nellielooksasifshe’dbeencallin’onthedressmakerprettyoften。AnyhowshelookedworriedandOlindyCahoon’sdressmakin’gabbleisenoughtoworryanybody。Sheleftanoteforyou。\"
\"Who?Olinda?\"
\"Landsakes!no!WhatwouldOlindybedoin’downhere?Thereain’tanybridestodressinthishouse,orbridegroomseitherunlessyou’recal’latin’tobeone,orLuteturnsMormon。Thatlastnotionain’tsuchabadone,\"withadrysmile。\"Anotherwifeortwotohelpmetakecareofhimwouldcomeinhandy。\"
\"Whodidleavethenoteforme,then?\"
\"Nellie,ofcourse。Shewantedmetobesureyougotit。
Somethin’aboutthatwonderfulweddin’,Is’pose。Ileftitupstairsonyourbureau。\"
Ifoundthenoteandputitinmypockettoreadlateron。Ididnotfeellikereadingitthen。Ididnotfeellikedoinganythingorseeinganyone;yetleastofalldidIfeellikebeingalone。
ForifIwasaloneIshouldthink,andIdidnotwanttothink。I
prowledaboutmyroomforatimeandthenwentdownandspentashorttimewithMother。Herfirstquestionwasconcerningmydayatthebank,andhersecondifIhadseenanyoftheColtonsrecently。\"IratherhopedMissMabelwouldcometoseemeto—day,\"
sheadded。\"Ilookforwardtohervisitsso,Ithinkshe’sarealfriendofours,Roscoe。Iknowyoudon’t,dear,oryoutrytobelieveyoudonot;butsheis——Iamconvincedofit。Iwonderifshewillcometo—morrow。\"
Icouldhaveputastoptoherwonderingonthatsubject,butIwasinnomoodtodoitthen。Iwentintothedining—room。Dorindawarnedmenottogofarfromthehousebecausesupperwouldbereadyinafewminutes。Theword\"supper\"remindedmeofmyunfortunatechoiceofanexcuseandthesarcasticreferencetoourodddomesticarrangements;whichremindedme,initsturn,ofothersarcasmswhichhadfollowedit。My\"charmingandcultivatedsociety\"wasnotnecessarytoherhappiness……Whenshethoughtofhowshehadloweredherself……OtherpeopledidnotnecessarilyregardmeasseriouslyasIdidmyself……Andsoon……untilDorindacalledmeintositatthetable,andpretendtoeatwhilesheandLutecommentedonmylackofappetiteandmyabsent—mindedness。
Itwaseighto’clock,andIhadgoneuptomyroomtoescapefromtheirsolicitudeandpointedquestioning,whenIhappenedtothinkofNellie’snote。Ihadnotbeencuriousconcerningitscontents,for,asIhadagreedtoactasbestmanatthewedding,Iassumed,asDorindahaddone,thatshehadwrittenonthat,toher,all—
importanttopic。Itookthenotefrommypocketandtoreopentheenvelope。
Nelliehadnotwrittenaboutthewedding。Herletterwasalongone,evidentlywritteningreatagitationandwithwordsblottedandunderscored。Itssubjectwasthemansheloved,GeorgeTaylor。
Shewassoanxiousabouthim。DidIremember,thatnightwhenmymotherwasill,howshehadspokenofhimtomeandaskedifIhadnoticedhowtroubledandworriedheseemedoflate?
\"And,Roscoe,\"shewrote,\"Ihavenoticeditmoreandmoresincethen。HeISintrouble。Thereissomethingonhismind,somethingthathewillnottellmeandthatIcanseeisworryinghimdreadfully。Heisnotlikehimselfatall。IKNOWsomethingiswrong,andIcannotfindoutwhatitis。IwanttohelphimSO
much。Oh,please,Roscoe,don’tthinkthisisjustafoolishgirl’simagination,anddoesnotamounttoanything。Itdoes。I
knowitdoes。Youarehisbestfriend。Can’tYOUfindoutwhatistroublinghimandhelphim,formysake?Ihavemeanttospeaktoyouaboutthiseversomanytimes,butIseldomseeyoualoneandI
couldnotspeakwhilehewaswithme。SoIdecidedtowritethisletter。Ifyouwilltry,justTRYtofindoutwhatailshimandhelphimIshallnever,NEVERforgetyourkindness。Perhapshedoesnotwanttomarryme。Perhapshedoesnotcareformeasmuchashethoughthedidandwillnottellmebecausehedoesnotwantmetofeelbad。Ifthatisittellhimnottomindmyfeelingsatall。Iwanthimtobehappy。IfitwouldmakehimhappiertohavemegivehimupIwilldoit,eventhoughIshallpraytodierightaway。Ohcan’tyouhelphimandme,Roscoe?Please,PLEASEtry。
Agirloughttobeperfectlyhappywhoisgoingtobemarried。AndIamsomiserable。Ican’ttellMotherandFatherbecausetheywouldnotbelieveme。TheywouldthinkIjustimagineditall。
ButYOUwon’tthinkthat,willyou?Youwillseehimandtrytohelphim,formysake。\"
Andsoon,eightcloselywrittenpages,endingwithanotherpleatometosee\"poorGeorge\"andhelphim,andbeggingmeto\"burnthisletter,becauseIshouldbesoashamedtohaveanyoneelseseeit。\"
Itwasapitifulletterand,evenintheframeofmindIwasthenin,disgustedwithhumanityandhatingtheentirefemininesex,I
couldnothelpfeelingsorryforNellieDean。OfcourseIwassurprisedatreceivingsuchaletterandIbelieved,justasshebeggedmenottobelieve,thatthecauseofherdistressandanxietywasmoreimaginarythanreal。ButthatsomethingwastroublingGeorgeTaylorIhadfeltcertainforagoodwhile。TheideathathedidnotloveNellieIknewwaspreposterous。Thatwasnotit。Therewassomethingelse,butwhatIcouldnotimagine。I
wantedtohelpthegirlifIcould,buthowcouldIaskGeorgetotellmehissecrets?I,withasecretofmyown。
AfterponderingforsometimeIdecidedtowalkuptoGeorge’sboardingplaceandtalkwithhim。Nothingwouldcomeoftheinterview,probably,butImightaswelldothatasanythingelse。
Imustdosomething,somethingbesidessitinthatroomandseemockingfacesineverycorner,faceswithdarkeyesandscornfullipswhichtoldmethatmycharmingandcultivatedsocietywasnotnecessarytotheirhappiness。
Taylorrentedtheupperfloorofahouseaquarterofamilefromthebank。Hishousekeeperansweredmyringandinformedmethatheremployerhadnotyetcomehome。