第19章

类别:其他 作者:Joseph Crosby Lincoln字数:10468更新时间:19/01/07 14:40:51
\"Don’tmindmycrankiness,Ros。I’vegotsomuchonmymindthatI’dbemeantomyoldgrandmother,ifIhadone,Iguesslikely。 Don’tletmymeannesstroubleyou;itisn’tworthtrouble。\" Ilaughed。\"George,\"Isaid,\"ifIeverdreamedofsuchathingasgettingmarriedmyself,youwouldscaremeoutofit。Yououghttobeahappyman,andactlikeone;insteadyouactasifyouwereabouttobejailed。\" Hecaughthisbreathwithasortofgasp。Then,afterapauseandwithoutlookingup,heaskedslowly: \"Jailed?Whatintheworldmadeyousaythat,Ros?\" \"Isaiditbecauseyouactasifyouwereboundforstate’sprisoninsteadofthematrimonialaltar。George,whatIStroublingyou?\" \"Troublingme?Why——why,nothingspecial,ofcourse。Catchingupwithmyworkheremakesmenervousand——andkindofabsent—minded,Iguess。Actabsent—minded,don’tI?\" Hedid,therewasnodoubtofthat,butIdidnotbelieveitwashisworkwhichcausedtheabsent—mindedness。 \"Ifthereisanytrouble,George,\"Isaid,earnestly;\"ifyou’reinanydifficulty,personally,Ishallbeverygladtohelpyou,ifI can。Imeanthat。\" ForamomentIthoughthehesitated。Thenheshookhishead。 \"Iknowyoumeanit,Ros,\"heanswered。\"I’mmuchobligedtoyou,too。Butthere’snothingtohelpmewith。I’mjustnervousandtired,that’sall。\" Ididnotbelieveit,butIfeltthatIhadsaidallIcould,consideringhisattitude。Ibadehimgoodnightandleftthebuilding。AsIcamedownthestepsMissColtonwasjustcrossingtheroadfromEldredge’sstore,agoodsizedbrownpaperparcelinherhand。 EversincethedaywhenCaptainJedhadgivenmehiswarningIhadbeenstrengtheningmyresolution。TheremarkofMrs。Colton’swhichIhadoverheardonthenightofthefishingtrip,althoughitrevealedtome,asIbelieved,myrealstandinginthemindsofmyneighbors,whatevertheymightpretendwheninmycompany,was,afterall,onlyaminordetail。IknewthatImustbreakoffmyacquaintancewiththisgirl。Byallthatwassensibleandsaneitmustbebrokenoff。Imustnot,formyownsake,continuetomeether,toseeherandspeakwithher。No;IwouldavoidherifI could,but,atallevents,Iwouldbreakofftheassociation,evenifIwereobligedtooffendher,deliberatelyoffendher,toaccomplishmypurpose。Isworeit;andthenIsworeatmyselfforbeingsoweak—mindedastoneedtoswear。ThatIshouldbeafraidofagirl,ameregirl,tenyearsyoungerthanI,who,asthecasualpastimeofanidlesummer,hadchosentopretendaninterestinme!Iwasnotafraidofher,ofcourse;Iwasafraidofmyself。 NotthatIwasindangeroffallinginlovewithher——thatideawastooridiculoustobeevenfunny。Butshewasbecomingadisturbinginfluenceinmylife——thatwasit,adisturbinginfluence——andI mustnotpermitmyselftobedisturbed。 Sonow,asIsawthedisturbinginfluencecrossingtheroadinmydirection,myfirstthoughtwastoretreattothebank。Butitwastoolatetoretreat;shehadseenme,andshebowedpleasantlyassheapproached。 \"Goodafternoon,\"shesaid。 Ibowedandadmittedthattheafternoonwasagoodone,consciousasIdidsothatSimEldredgehadfollowedhertothedoorofhisstoreandwasregardinguswithmarkedinterest。 Sheexhibitedthepackage。\"Iamactingasmyownerrandboy,yousee,\"shesaid,smiling。\"ItwassuchabeautifuldaythatI refusedtosendanyoneforthis,oreventoride。Ididnotrealizethatafewyardsofmuslinwouldmakesuchabundle。NowI mustcarryit,Isuppose,inspiteofappearances。\" IbelievedIsawanopportunitytoescape。 \"Iamgoingdirectlyhome,\"Isaid。\"Letmecarryitdownforyou。 IwillsenditovertoyourhousebyLute。\" \"Oh,nothankyou。IcouldnotthinkoftroublingMr。Rogers。Butdoyoureallywanttocarryit?Youmay,forawhile。Wewilltaketurns。Iamgoingdirectlyhome,too;andwewillwalkdowntogether。Unless,ofcourse,youareinahurry。\" Ithinkitwastheexpressionofmyfacewhichledhertoaddthelastsentence。IfIhadhadtimetothink,tosummonmyresolution,itispossible——yes,itispossiblethatIshouldhavedeclaredmyselftobeinahurryandgoneonalone。Butshehadcaughtmeunawaresandresolutionwaswanting。IannouncedthatIwasinnohurryatall,andtooktheparcel。 Wewalkedontogether,shechattingeasily,andIpretendingtolisten,althoughawarethatourprogresswaswatchedbyeagereyesandcommenteduponandexclaimedoverbymanytongues。Thedrawnshadesofparlorwindowsmovedsignificantlyaswepassedand,asweturnedintotheLowerRoad,IglancedovermyshoulderandsawSimEldredgeandhisclerkandThophNewcombandAlvinBakeronthestoreplatform,staringafterus。Asifthisaudiencewasnotsufficient,andtomaketheaffaircomplete,wemetCaptainDeanstruttingimportantlyonhiswaytothepost—office。Hebowedandsaid\"Afternoon,\"butthelookhegavemewassignificant。Therewassurpriseinit,anddistrust。IknewIshouldhavetodomoreexplainingatournextmeeting。AndIknew,too,orcouldguess,whatwasbeingsaidthatverymomentatthestore,andofthesurmisingandtheorizingandstrengtheningofsuspicionswhichwouldgoonatadozensuppertablesthatevening。 Mycompanion,however,appearedtobequiteunconsciousofallthis。ThatImightbesuspectedandmisjudgedbecauseshehadchancedtoprefermycompanytoawalkhomealonedidnot,evidently,occurtoher。Therewasnoreasonwhyitshould,ofcourse;shewasnotinthepositionwheretheopinionorsuspicionsofDenboro’sinhabitantsneedconcernherintheleast。ButI,angryatCaptainJedforhislookandwithSimEldredgeandhiscompanionsfortheirimpudentstaresandthetroubleIknewtheirgossipytongueswouldmakeforme,wasgloomyandresentful。 ShedidmostofthetalkingandIwalkedbesideher,puttinginawordoccasionallyanddoingmybesttoappearasunconcernedasshereallywas。WecrossedElnathanMullet’sbridgeandcontinueddowntheShoreLane。SuddenlyIwasawarethatshehadnotspokenforsomeminutes。 \"Eh?Yes,MissColton;whatisit?\"Istammered。ThenIrealizedthatwewerestandingbesidethegranitepostsmarkingtheentrancetotheColtongrounds。Ihadbeensowrappedinmyunpleasantthoughtsandforebodingsthatwehadreachedourjourney’sendwithoutmynoticingit。 \"Well!\"Iexclaimed,andthenaddedthebrilliantobservation,\"Wearehere,aren’twe。\" \"Weare,\"shesaid,dryly。\"Didn’tyouknowit?\" \"Why,Ihadnotrealized。Thewalkhasseemedsoshort。\" \"Yes,I’msureitmust。Ithinkyouhavespokenexactlysixwordsinthelastfiveminutes。Willyoucomein?\" \"Ohno;no,thankyou。\" \"Whynot?Fatherisinandwillbegladtoseeyou。\" \"I——Imustbegettingontowardhome。Supperwillbeready。\" Shebitherlip。\"Farbeitfrommetocriticizeyourdomesticarrangements,Mr。Paine,\"shesaid,\"butitdoesseemtomethatyourhousekeeperservesmealsatoddhours。Itisonlyafewminutesafterfour,bymywatch。\" Shehadmeatadisadvantage。IimaginedImusthaveappearedembarrassed。IknowIfeltthatway。 \"Ididnotrealize……Ithoughtitmuchlater,\"Istammered。 \"Thenyouwillcomein?Fatherwillliketodiscussthefishingwithyou,Iknow。Hehastalkedoflittlebuthiswonderfulweakfisheversincehecaughtit。\" \"No,thankyou,MissColton。Really,Imustnotstop。\" Shetooktheparcelfrommyhands。 \"Verywell,\"shesaid,indifferently;\"asyouplease。Ithankyouforyourkindnessinwalkingdownwithme。Goodafternoon,Mr。 Paine。\" Sheturnedaway。HerewastheopportunityIhadbeenwaitingfor,theopportunityofbreakingoffouracquaintance。IfIknewanythingIknewthetoneofthat\"Goodafternoon\"meantthat,forsomereasonorother,shewasoffended,justasIhadbeencertainIwishedhertobe。Herewastheopportunity,Heavensent,toridmylifeofitsdisturbinginfluence。JustwhatIhadprayedforhadcometopass。 Andso,toprovethesincerityofmyprayersandtheworthofmyhighresolve,I——calledherback。 \"MissColton,\"Isaid。 She,apparently,didnothearme,soIcalledagain。 \"MissColton。\" \"Yes?\" \"Iseemsomehoworothertohaveoffendedyou。\"AndevenasIsaiditIrealizedthecompletenessoftheback—down,realizeditandblushed。Iwasashamedofmyweakness。YetwhensheaskedmetorepeatmywordsIdidso。 \"Youspoketome?\"shesaid,coldly。 \"I——IsaidIhadnotmeanttooffendyou。\" \"WhyshouldyouimaginethatIamoffended,pray?Youseemtothinkotherpeoplemustnecessarilyregardyouasseriouslyasyoudoyourself。Iamnotoffended。\" \"Butyouare。\" \"Verywell;thenIam。Wewon’targuethematter;itisscarcelyworthargument,isit?\" Thisobservationcalledfornoanswerinparticular,atleastI couldnotthinkofone。WhileIwasgropingforawordshespokeagain。 \"Don’tletmedetainyou,Mr。Paine,\"shesaid。\"Iamsureyour—— supper,wasit?——mustbewaiting。\" \"MissColton,you——youseemtoresentmynotacceptingyourinvitationtovisityourfather。IassureyouI——Ishouldbeverygladtocalluponhim。\" \"Thankyou。Iwilltellhimso。Hewillbegrateful,doubtless。 Yourcondescensionisoverwhelming,Mr。Paine。\" \"MissColton,everythingIsayseemstobewrongthisafternoon。I don’tknowwhatIhavedone。Twiceyouhavespokenofmycondescension。\" Herfootwasbeginningtopatthegrass。Irecognizedthebattlesignal,butIkepton。 \"Idon’tunderstandwhatyoumeanbycondescension,\"Isaid。 \"Don’tyou,indeed?Youareverydenseallatonce,Mr。Paine。\" \"Possibly。ButIdon’tunderstand。\" Foraninstantshehesitated。Thensheturnedonmewithagustoffierceimpatiencewhichtookmybreathaway。Hereyesflashed。 \"Youdo,\"shedeclared。\"Youdounderstand,Iamnotblind。DoyousupposeIcouldnotseethatyouwishedtoavoidmewhenImetyouatthebankjustnow?Thatmycompanywasneitherwelcomenordesired?Thatyouacceptedmysuggestionofwalkingdowntogethermerelybecauseyoucouldthinkofnoexcusefordeclining?\" Thiswasastaggerer。Andtheworstofitwasitstruth。 \"MissColton,\"Ifaltered,\"Ican’tunderstandwhatyoumean。I——\" \"Youdounderstand。Andplease,\"withascornfullaugh,\"oh,PLEASEunderstandthatIamnottroubledbecauseofTHAT。Yourcharmingandcultivatedsocietyisnotindispensabletomyhappiness,Mr。Paine,strangeasthatmayappeartoyou。Really,\" withcuttingcontempt,\"itisnot。\" \"ThatIquiteunderstand,MissColton,\"Isaid,\"but——\" \"Butyouarelikeeveryoneelseinthishorrid,narrow,bigotedplace。Don’tyousupposethatIseeiteverywhereIgo!Everyoneherehatesus——everyone。Weareintruders;wearenotwantedhere,andyoualltakepainstomakeusfeelasuncomfortableasyoucan。Oh,youareallsnobs——allofyou。\" Iactuallygasped。 \"Snobs!\"Irepeated。\"We——snobs?\" \"Yes。Thatisexactlywhatyouare。WhenFathercameherehemeanttobeacitizen,agoodcitizen,ofthetown。Hehadintendedtodoallsortsofthingstohelpthevillageandthepeopleinit。HeandIdiscussedeversomanyplansfordoinggoodhere。Andwewantedtobefriendlywitheveryone。Buthowhaveyoutreatedus!Noonecomestoseeus。Weareavoidedasifwehadthesmall—pox。Themajorityofpeoplescarcelyspeaktousonthestreet。Iamsolonelyand——\" Shestopped。Ihadneverseenhersoagitated。Asforme,astonishmentismuchtoomildatermtouseindescribingmyfeelings。Thatthesepeople,thesemillionairesandaristocratsshouldfeelthattheyhadbeenavoidedandslighted,thatweDenboroiteswerethesnobs,thatTHEYshouldbelonelybecausenoone,oralmostnoone,cametocalluponthem——thiswastoomuchformybewilderedbraintograspallatonce。 Theyoungladywenton。 \"Andyou!\"sheexclaimed。\"Youareasbadastherest。Fatherhascalleduponyouseveraltimes。Ihavecalledonyourmother。 FatherandIhavetriedtobefriendlyandneighborly。Notthatwearelackinginfriends。We,\"haughtily,\"arenotobligedtoBEG forfriendship。Butwefeltitourdutyto——\" Iinterrupted。ThereisalimittoforbearanceandIconsideredthatlimitreached。 \"MissColton,\"Ideclared,\"youaretalkingnonsense。Consideringthemannerinwhichyourfathertreatedmewhenwefirstmet,I——\" \"Howdidyoutreathim?HowdidyoutreatMr。Carverandmewhenyoufirstmetusintheauto?Youinsultedus。Itwasplainenoughthenthatyouhatedus。\" \"I——why,MissColton,Ididnotknowwhoyouwere。\" \"Indeed!Wouldithavemadeanydifferenceifyouhadknown?I doubtit。No,youareliketherestofthepeoplehere。Becausewehavecomefromthecityyouhavechosentobeasenviousandpettyanddisagreeableasyoucan。EvenNellieDean,whomIknowbetterthananyonehere,hasneverreturnedmycall。Thereisaconcertedplantomakeusfeelweareneitherwelcomenorwanted。 Verywell,\"disdainfully,\"weknowit。I,forone,shallnotforcemypresenceuponanyoneofyouagain。AnditisprobablethatI shallmanagetoexistevenwithoutthedelightsofDenborosociety。 Good—by,Mr。Paine。\" \"But,MissColton——\" \"Good—by。\" \"MissColton,listentome。Youarewrong,allwrong,Itellyou。 Thereisnoplanorplottomakeyoufeeluncomfortable。Weareplainvillagepeoplehere,andyouarewealthyandhavebeenusedtoassociatingwiththoseofyourclass。EveryoneinDenboroknewthatwhenyoucame,andtheyhavebeenshyofintrudingwheretheymightnotbewelcome。ThentherewasthatmatteroftheLanehere。\" \"Oh,thatpreciousLane!IwishIhadneverseenit。\" \"Ihavewishedthatanumberoftimesinthepastfewmonths。Butitishereandthequestionovershadowseverythingelseinthevillagejustnow。Itdoesnotseemofmuchimportancetoyou,perhaps;perhapsitisnotsoveryimportanttome;but——\" Againsheinterruptedme。 \"Ithinkitisimportantenoughtomakeyouforget——ordinarycourtesy,\"shedeclared。\"Yes,courtesy。DON’Tlookatmelikethat!YouknowwhatImean。AsItoldyoubefore,Iamnotblind。 Docreditmewithsomeintelligence。Allthewayduringthischeerfulwalkofoursyouscarcelyspokeaword。DidyousupposeI didnotknowwhatwastroublingyou?IsawhowthatCaptainDeanlookedatyou。Isawthosepeoplestaringfromthepost—officedoor。Iknewwhatyouwereafraidoftheirsaying:thatyouarealtogethertoocompanionablewithFatherandme;thatyouintendsellingthelandtous,afterall。Thatiswhatyouthoughttheywouldsayandyouwereafraid——AFRAIDoftheirgossip。Oh,itishumiliating!And,foratime,Ireallythoughtyouweredifferentfromtherestandabovesuchthings。\" IbegantofeelasifIwereoncemoreasmallboyreceivingalecturefromthegoverness。 \"Iamnotatallafraidofthem,MissColton,\"Iprotested。 \"Youare。Why?Yourconscienceisclear,isn’tit?Youdon’tintendsellingouttomyfather?\" \"Certainlynot。\" \"Thenwhyshouldyoucarewhatpeoplelikethatmaythink?Oh,youwearyme!Iadmiredyouforyourindependence。TherearefewpersonswiththecouragetofacemyfatherasyouhavedoneandI admiredyouforit。IwouldnothavehadyousellusthelandforANYTHING。\" \"Youwouldnot?\"Igasped。 \"Certainlynot!Ihavebeenonyoursideallthetime。IfyouhadsoldIshouldhavethoughtyou,likealltherest,holdingbackmerelyforahigherprice。Irespectedyouforthefightyouweremaking。Youmusthaveknownit。IfIhadnotwhydoyousupposeI gaveyouthathintabouttheDevelopmentCompany?\" \"Goodnessknows!\"Iexclaimed,devoutly。 \"AndIwassureyoucouldnotbebribedbyanofferofapositioninFather’soffice。Itwasnotreallyabribe——Fatherhas,forsomeunexplainablereason,takenafancytoyou——butIknewyouwouldbelieveittobebribery。ThatiswhyIwassopositiveintellinghimthatyouwouldnotaccept。Andnowyou——oh,whenI thinkofhowIhaveLOWEREDmyself!HowIhavestoopedto…… Butthere!Iamsurethatsupperofyoursmustbewaiting。Praycondescendtoconveymyregretstothefaithful——whatishername? OddthatIshouldforgetanamelikeTHAT。Oh,yes!Dorinda!——PrayconveymyregretstothefaithfulDorindaforbeingunwittinglythecauseofthedelay,andassureherthattheoffensewillNOTberepeated。Good—by,Mr。Paine。\" Shewalkedoff,betweenthegranitepostsandalongthecurveddrive。ThistimeImadenoattempttocallherback。ThestormhadburstsounexpectedlyandhaddevelopedintosuchahurricanethatIhadhadtimetodolittlemorethanbendmyheadbeforeit。 ButIhadhadtimeenoughtogrowangry。Iwouldnothavecalledherbackthenfortheworld。Shehadinsultedme,notonceonly,butagainandagain。Istoodandwatchedhergoonherway,andthenIturnedandwentonmyown。 Thepartinghadcome。Theacquaintancewasbrokenoff;notpreciselyasIhadintendedittobebroken,butbroken,nevertheless,andendedforgoodandall。Iwasgladofit。Therewouldbenomorefishingexcursions,nomoregiftsofflowersandbooks,nomorecharitycalls。The\"commonfellow\"wasfreefromthedisturbinginfluenceandhewasgladofit——heartilygladofit。 Yethisgladnesswasnotasapparenttoothersasitshould,byallthatwasconsistent,havebeen。Lute,evidently,observednotracesoftranscendenthappiness,whenIencounteredhiminthebackyard,besidethewoodpile,sharpeningthekindlinghatchetwithawhetstone,aprocesspeculiarlysatisfyingtohistemperamentbecauseittooksuchalongtimetoachieveanoticeableresult。 \"Hello,Ros!\"hehailed。\"Why!whatailsyou?\" \"Ailsme?\"Irepeated,crossly。\"Nothingailsme,ofcourse。\" \"Well,I’mgladtohearit。Youlookasifyou’dlostyourlastfriend。\" \"Ihaven’tlostanyfriends。Farfromit。\" \"Nobody’sdead,then?\" \"No。ThoughIcouldfindsomewhoarehalfdeadwithouttryingveryhard。\" Moreperfectlygoodsarcasmwasted。LuteinquiredeagerlyifI meantoldMrs。LobeliaGlover。\"Iheardyesterdayshewasprettyfeeble,\"headded。\"’Tain’ttobeexpectedshe’lllastalongspell,atherage。DoctorQuimbysaysshehadaspineinherbackfortwentyyears。\" ImadenocommentuponpoorMrs。Glover’ssurprisingaffliction。I merelygruntedandwentintothehouse。Dorindalookedatmecuriously。 \"What’sthetrouble?\"sheasked。 \"Trouble!Thereisn’tanytrouble。YouandLuteseemtobelookingfortrouble。\" \"Don’thavetolookfartofindit,inthisworld。Anythingwrongatthebank?\" \"No。\" \"Um—hm。Settin’solongonthefencemakeyouuneasy?Itoldyouthepicketswouldwearthroughifyouroostedon’emtoolong。\" \"Thereisnothingthematter,Itellyou。HowisMother?\" \"Sheain’tanywuss。If’twan’tanimpossibilityI’dsayshewasbetterthelastmonththanI’dseenhersinceshewastook。NellieDeancalledonherthisafternoon。\" \"Humph!Ishouldthinkanextweek’sbridewouldbetoobusytocallonanyoneexceptpossiblythedressmaker。\" \"Um—hm。Well,Nellielooksasifshe’dbeencallin’onthedressmakerprettyoften。AnyhowshelookedworriedandOlindyCahoon’sdressmakin’gabbleisenoughtoworryanybody。Sheleftanoteforyou。\" \"Who?Olinda?\" \"Landsakes!no!WhatwouldOlindybedoin’downhere?Thereain’tanybridestodressinthishouse,orbridegroomseitherunlessyou’recal’latin’tobeone,orLuteturnsMormon。Thatlastnotionain’tsuchabadone,\"withadrysmile。\"Anotherwifeortwotohelpmetakecareofhimwouldcomeinhandy。\" \"Whodidleavethenoteforme,then?\" \"Nellie,ofcourse。Shewantedmetobesureyougotit。 Somethin’aboutthatwonderfulweddin’,Is’pose。Ileftitupstairsonyourbureau。\" Ifoundthenoteandputitinmypockettoreadlateron。Ididnotfeellikereadingitthen。Ididnotfeellikedoinganythingorseeinganyone;yetleastofalldidIfeellikebeingalone。 ForifIwasaloneIshouldthink,andIdidnotwanttothink。I prowledaboutmyroomforatimeandthenwentdownandspentashorttimewithMother。Herfirstquestionwasconcerningmydayatthebank,andhersecondifIhadseenanyoftheColtonsrecently。\"IratherhopedMissMabelwouldcometoseemeto—day,\" sheadded。\"Ilookforwardtohervisitsso,Ithinkshe’sarealfriendofours,Roscoe。Iknowyoudon’t,dear,oryoutrytobelieveyoudonot;butsheis——Iamconvincedofit。Iwonderifshewillcometo—morrow。\" Icouldhaveputastoptoherwonderingonthatsubject,butIwasinnomoodtodoitthen。Iwentintothedining—room。Dorindawarnedmenottogofarfromthehousebecausesupperwouldbereadyinafewminutes。Theword\"supper\"remindedmeofmyunfortunatechoiceofanexcuseandthesarcasticreferencetoourodddomesticarrangements;whichremindedme,initsturn,ofothersarcasmswhichhadfollowedit。My\"charmingandcultivatedsociety\"wasnotnecessarytoherhappiness……Whenshethoughtofhowshehadloweredherself……OtherpeopledidnotnecessarilyregardmeasseriouslyasIdidmyself……Andsoon……untilDorindacalledmeintositatthetable,andpretendtoeatwhilesheandLutecommentedonmylackofappetiteandmyabsent—mindedness。 Itwaseighto’clock,andIhadgoneuptomyroomtoescapefromtheirsolicitudeandpointedquestioning,whenIhappenedtothinkofNellie’snote。Ihadnotbeencuriousconcerningitscontents,for,asIhadagreedtoactasbestmanatthewedding,Iassumed,asDorindahaddone,thatshehadwrittenonthat,toher,all— importanttopic。Itookthenotefrommypocketandtoreopentheenvelope。 Nelliehadnotwrittenaboutthewedding。Herletterwasalongone,evidentlywritteningreatagitationandwithwordsblottedandunderscored。Itssubjectwasthemansheloved,GeorgeTaylor。 Shewassoanxiousabouthim。DidIremember,thatnightwhenmymotherwasill,howshehadspokenofhimtomeandaskedifIhadnoticedhowtroubledandworriedheseemedoflate? \"And,Roscoe,\"shewrote,\"Ihavenoticeditmoreandmoresincethen。HeISintrouble。Thereissomethingonhismind,somethingthathewillnottellmeandthatIcanseeisworryinghimdreadfully。Heisnotlikehimselfatall。IKNOWsomethingiswrong,andIcannotfindoutwhatitis。IwanttohelphimSO much。Oh,please,Roscoe,don’tthinkthisisjustafoolishgirl’simagination,anddoesnotamounttoanything。Itdoes。I knowitdoes。Youarehisbestfriend。Can’tYOUfindoutwhatistroublinghimandhelphim,formysake?Ihavemeanttospeaktoyouaboutthiseversomanytimes,butIseldomseeyoualoneandI couldnotspeakwhilehewaswithme。SoIdecidedtowritethisletter。Ifyouwilltry,justTRYtofindoutwhatailshimandhelphimIshallnever,NEVERforgetyourkindness。Perhapshedoesnotwanttomarryme。Perhapshedoesnotcareformeasmuchashethoughthedidandwillnottellmebecausehedoesnotwantmetofeelbad。Ifthatisittellhimnottomindmyfeelingsatall。Iwanthimtobehappy。IfitwouldmakehimhappiertohavemegivehimupIwilldoit,eventhoughIshallpraytodierightaway。Ohcan’tyouhelphimandme,Roscoe?Please,PLEASEtry。 Agirloughttobeperfectlyhappywhoisgoingtobemarried。AndIamsomiserable。Ican’ttellMotherandFatherbecausetheywouldnotbelieveme。TheywouldthinkIjustimagineditall。 ButYOUwon’tthinkthat,willyou?Youwillseehimandtrytohelphim,formysake。\" Andsoon,eightcloselywrittenpages,endingwithanotherpleatometosee\"poorGeorge\"andhelphim,andbeggingmeto\"burnthisletter,becauseIshouldbesoashamedtohaveanyoneelseseeit。\" Itwasapitifulletterand,evenintheframeofmindIwasthenin,disgustedwithhumanityandhatingtheentirefemininesex,I couldnothelpfeelingsorryforNellieDean。OfcourseIwassurprisedatreceivingsuchaletterandIbelieved,justasshebeggedmenottobelieve,thatthecauseofherdistressandanxietywasmoreimaginarythanreal。ButthatsomethingwastroublingGeorgeTaylorIhadfeltcertainforagoodwhile。TheideathathedidnotloveNellieIknewwaspreposterous。Thatwasnotit。Therewassomethingelse,butwhatIcouldnotimagine。I wantedtohelpthegirlifIcould,buthowcouldIaskGeorgetotellmehissecrets?I,withasecretofmyown。 AfterponderingforsometimeIdecidedtowalkuptoGeorge’sboardingplaceandtalkwithhim。Nothingwouldcomeoftheinterview,probably,butImightaswelldothatasanythingelse。 Imustdosomething,somethingbesidessitinthatroomandseemockingfacesineverycorner,faceswithdarkeyesandscornfullipswhichtoldmethatmycharmingandcultivatedsocietywasnotnecessarytotheirhappiness。 Taylorrentedtheupperfloorofahouseaquarterofamilefromthebank。Hishousekeeperansweredmyringandinformedmethatheremployerhadnotyetcomehome。