\"Why,havingsuchsecrets。\"Shewasroundlyreadynow。\"SacrificingpoorMay。\"
\"ButYOU,dearlady,sacrificedpoorMay!Itdidn’tstrikeyouashorridTHEN。\"
\"Well,thatwasonly,\"shemaintained,\"becauseyoutalkedmeover。\"
Iletherseethefullprocessofmytaking——ornottaking——thisin。
\"Andwhoisitthenthat——if,asyousay,you’vespokentonoone——has,asImaycallit,talkedyouunder?\"
Shecompleted,onthespot,herstatementofamomentbefore。\"Notacreaturehasspokentome。\"
Ifeltsomehowthewishtomakehersayitinasmanywaysaspossible——I
seemedsotoenjoyhersayingit。Thishelpedmetomakemytoneapproveandencourage。\"You’vecommunicatedsolittlewithanyone!\"Ididn’tevenmakeitaquestion。
Itwasscarceyet,however,quitegoodenough。\"Solittle?I’venotcommunicatedtheleastmite。\"
\"Precisely。Butdon’tthinkmeimpertinentforhavingforamomentwondered。
WhatIshouldsaytoyouifyouhad,youknow,wouldbethatyoujustaccusedme。\"
\"Accusedyou?\"
\"Oftalkingtoomuch。\"
Itcamebacktoherdim。\"Areweaccusingeachother?\"
Hertoneseemedsuddenlytoputusnearertogetherthanwehadeverbeenatall。\"Dearno,\"Ilaughed——\"noteachother;onlywitheachother’shelp,afewofourgoodfriends。\"
\"Afew?\"Shehandsomelydemurred。\"Butoneortwoatthebest。\"
\"Orattheworst!\"——Icontinuedtolaugh。\"Andnoteventhose,itafterallappears,verymuch!\"
Shedidn’tlikemylaughter,butshewasnowgrandlyindulgent。\"Well,Iaccusenoone。\"
Iwassilentalittle;thenIconcurred。\"It’sdoubtlessyourbestline;
andIreallyquitefeel,atallevents,thatwhenyoumentionedawhilesincethatItalktoomuchyouonlymeanttoomuchtoYOU。\"
\"Yes——Iwasn’timputingtoyouthesamedirectappeal。Ididn’tsuppose,\"
sheexplained,\"that——tomatchyourownsuppositionofME——youhadresortedtoMayherself。\"
\"Youdidn’tsupposeIhadaskedher?\"Thepointwaspositivelythatshedidn’t;yetitmadeuslookateachotheralmostashardasifshedid。\"No,ofcourseyoucouldn’thavesupposedanythingsocruel——allthemorethat,asyouknew,Ihadnotadmittedthepossibility。\"
Sheacceptedmyassent;but,oddlyenough,withasuddenqualificationthatshowedherasstillsharplydisposedtomakeuseofanyloosescrapofherembarrassedacuteness。\"Ofcourse,atthesametime,youyourselfsawthatyournotadmittingthepossibilitywouldhavetakentheedgefromyourcruelty。It’snottheinnocent,\"shesuggestivelyremarked,\"thatwefeartofrighten。\"
\"Oh,\"Ireturned,\"Ifear,mostly,Ithink,tofrightenANYone。I’mnotparticularlybrave。Ihaven’t,atallevents,inspiteofmycertitude,interrogatedMrs。Server,andIgiveyoumywordofhonourthatI’venothadanydenialfromhertopropupmydoubt。Itstillstandsonitsownfeet,anditwasitsownbattlethat,whenIcamehereatyoursummons,itwaspreparedtofight。Letmeaccordinglyremindyou,\"Ipursued,\"inconnectionwiththat,oftheonesenseinwhichyouwere,asyouamomentagosaid,talkedoverbyme。IpersuadedyouapparentlythatLong’smetamorphosiswasnottheworkofLadyJohn。Ipersuadedyouofnothingelse。\"
Shelookeddownalittle,asifagainatatrap。\"Youpersuadedmethatitwastheworkofsomebody。\"Thensheheldupherhead。\"Itcametothesamething。\"
IfIhadcreditthenformytrapitatleastmightserve。\"Thesamethingaswhat?\"
\"Why,asclaimingthatitWASshe。\"
\"PoorMay——’claiming’?WhenIinsisteditwasn’t!\"
Mrs。Brissendenflushed。\"Youdidn’tinsistitwasn’tanybody!\"
\"WhyshouldIwhenIdidn’tbelieveso?I’veleftyouinnodoubt,\"
Iindulgentlysmiled,\"ofmybeliefs。Itwassomebody——anditstillis。\"
Shelookedaboutatthetopoftheroom。\"Themistake’snowyours。\"
Iwatchedheraninstant。\"Canyoutellmethenwhatonedoestorecoverfromsuchmistakes?\"
\"Onethinksalittle。\"
\"Ah,themoreI’vethoughtthedeeperI’vesunk!Andthatseemedtomethecasewithyouthismorning,\"Iadded,\"themoreYOUthought。\"
\"Well,then,\"shefranklydeclared,\"Imusthavestoppedthinking!\"
Itwasaphenomenon,Isufficientlyshowed,thatthoughtonlycouldmeet。\"Couldyoutellmethenatwhatpoint?\"
Shehadtothinkeventodothat。\"Atwhatpoint?\"
\"Whatinparticulardetermined,Imean,yourarrest?Yousurelydidn’t——launchedasyouwere——stopshortallofyourself。\"
Shefrontedme,afterall,stillsobravelythatIbelievedherforaninstantnottobe,onthisarticle,withoutananswershecouldproduce。
Theunexpectedthereforebrokeformewhenshefairlyproducednone。\"I
confessIdon’tmakeout,\"shesimplysaid,\"whyyouseemsolittlepleasedthatIagreewithyou。\"
Ithrewback,indespair,bothheadandhands。\"But,youpoor,dearthing,youdon’tintheLEASTagreewithme!Youflatlycontradictme。
Youdenymymiracle。\"
\"Idon’tbelieveinmiracles,\"shepanted。
\"SoIexactly,atthislatehour,learn。ButIdon’tinsistonthename。
Nothingis,Iadmit,amiraclefromthemomentone’sonthetrackofthecause,whichwasthescentwewerefollowing。Callthethingsimplymyfact。\"
Shegaveherhighheadatoss。\"Ifit’syoursit’snobodyelse’s!\"
\"Ah,there’sjustthequestion——ifwecouldknowall!Butmypointisprecisely,forthepresent,thatyoudodenyit。\"
\"OfcourseIdenyit,\"saidMrs。Briss。
Itookamoment,butmysilenceheldher。\"Your’ofcourse’wouldbewhatIwouldagaincontest,whatIwoulddenounceandbrandasthewordtoomuch——thewordthatspoils,wereitnotthatitseemsbest,thatitinanycaseseemsnecessary,toletallquestionofyourconsistencygo。\"
OnthatIhadpaused,and,asIfeltmyselfstillholdingher,Iwasnotsurprisedwhenmypausehadaneffect。\"Youdoletitgo?\"
Shehadtried,Icouldsee,toputtheinquiryasallironic。Butitwasnotallironic;itwas,infact,littleenoughsotosuggestformesomeintensification——notquite,Itrust,wanton——ofhersuspense。Ishouldbeatalosstosayindeedhowmuchitsuggestedorhalfofwhatittold。
Thesethingsagainalmostviolentlymovedme,andifI,afteraninstant,inmysilence,turnedaway,itwasnotonlytokeepherwaiting,buttomakemyelationmoreprivate。IturnedawaytothattunethatIliterally,forafewminutes,quittedher,availingmyselfthus,superficially,oftheairofweighingaconsequence。Iwanderedofftwentystepsand,whileIpassedmyhandovermytroubledhead,lookedvaguelyatobjectsontablesandsniffedabsentlyatflowersinbowls。Idon’tknowhowlongIsolostmyself,norquitewhy——asImustforsometimehavekeptitup——mycompaniondidn’tnowreallyembraceherpossiblealternativeofruptureandretreat。
Orrather,astoheractioninthislastmatter,Iam,andwasonthespot,clear:IknewatthatmomenthowmuchSHEknewshemustnotleavemewithouthavinggotfromme。Itcamebackinwaves,inwiderglimpses,andproducedinsodoingtheexcitementIhadtocontrol。ItcouldNOTbutbeexcitingtotalk,aswetalked,onthebasisofthosesuppressedprocessesandunavowedreferenceswhichmadethemeaningofourmeetingsodifferentfromitsform。Weknewourselves——whatmovedme,thatis,wasthatsheknewme——tomean,ateverypoint,immenselymorethanIsaidorthansheanswered;
justasshesawme,atthesamepoints,measurethespacebywhichheranswersfellshort。ThismademyconversationwithheratotallyotherandafarmoreinterestingthingthananycolloquyIhadeverenjoyed;
ithadevenasharpnessthathadnotbelonged,afewhoursbefore,tomyextraordinaryinterviewwithMrs。Server。Shecouldn’taffordtoquarrelwithmeforcatechisingher;shecouldn’taffordnottohavekept,inherway,faithwithme;shecouldn’tafford,afterinconceivablepassageswithLong,nottotreatmeasanobservertobesquared。Shehadcomedowntosquareme;shewashangingontosquareme;shewassufferingandstammeringandlying;shewasbothcarryingitgrandlyoffandlettingitdesperatelygo:all,alltosquareme。AndIcaughtmoreoverperfectlyhervisionofherway,andIfollowedherwayevenwhileIjudgedit,feelingthattheonlypersonalprivilegeIcould,afterall,savefromthewholebusinesswasthatofunderstanding。Icouldn’tsaveMrs。Server,andIcouldn’tsavepoorBriss;ICOULD,however,guard,tothelastgrainofgold,myprecioussenseoftheirloss,theirdisintegrationandtheirdoom;anditwasforthisIwasnowbargaining。
ItwasofgivingherselfawayjustenoughnottospoilformemybargainovermytreasurethatMrs。Briss’sbribewouldconsist。ShewouldletmeseeasfarasIwouldifshecouldfeelsureIwouldDOnothing;anditwasexactlyinthisquestionofhowmuchImighthavescaredmycoupleintothesenseICOULD\"do\"thatthesavourofmysuspensemostdwelt。
Icouldhavemadethemuneasy,ofcourse,onlybymakingthemfearmyintervention;
andyettheideaoftheirbeinguneasywaslesswonderfulthantheideaofmyhaving,withallmyprecautions,communicatedtothemaconsciousness。
ThiswassothelastthingIhadwantedtodothatIfelt,duringmyswiftexcursion,howmuchtimeIshouldneedinthefutureforrecoveryoftheprocess——allofthefinestwind—blownintimations,wovenofsilenceandsecrecyandair——bywhichtheirsuspicionwouldhavethrobbedintolife。
Icouldonly,provisionallyandsketchily,figureitout,thissuspicion,ashaving,littlebylittle——notwithasuddenstart——feltitselfinthepresenceofmyown,justasmyownnowreturnedthecompliment。Whatcamebacktome,asIhavesaid,inwavesandwiderglimpses,wasthemarveloftheirexchangeofsignals,thephenomenon,scarcetoberepresented,oftheirbreakinggroundwitheachother。Theybothhadtheirtreasuretoguard,andtheyhadlookedtoeachotherwiththeinstinctofhelp。
Theyhadfelt,oneitherside,thevictimpossiblyslip,andtheyhadconnectedthepossibilitywithaninterestdiscerniblyinspiredinmebythispersonage,andwitharelationdiscoverablyestablishedbythatinterest。Itwouldn’thavebeenadanger,perhaps,ifthetwovictimshadn’tslippedtogether;
andmoreamazing,doubtless,thananythingelsewastherecognitionbymysacrificingcoupleoftheopportunitydrawnbymysacrificedfrombeingconjoinedinmycharity。Howcouldtheyknow,GilbertLongandMrs。Briss,thatactivelytocommunicateaconsciousnesstomyotherfriendshadnopartinmyplan?ThemostIhaddreamedof,Icouldhonourablyfeel,wastoassuremyselfoftheirindependentpossessionofone。Thesethingswerewithmewhile,asIhavenoted,ImadeGraceBrissendenwait,anditwasalsowithmethat,thoughIcondonedherdeviation,shemusttakeitfrommeasacharity。Ihadpresentlyachievedanotherofmyfullrevolutions,andIfacedheragainwithaviewofherovertureandmyanswertoherlastquestion。Thetermswerenotaltogetherwhatmypitycouldhavewished,butIsufficientlykepteverythingtogethertohavetoseethattherewerelimitstomychoice。\"Yes,Iletitgo,yourchangeoffront,thoughitvexesmealittle——andI’llinamomenttellyouwhy——tohaveto。Butletusputitthatit’sonacondition。\"
\"Changeoffront?\"shemurmuredwhileshelookedatme。\"Yourexpressionsarenotofthehappiest。\"
ButIsawitwasonlyagaintocoveradoubt。Mycondition,forher,wasquestionable,andIfeltitwouldbestillmoresoonherhearingwhatitwas。Meanwhile,however,inspiteofherqualificationofit,Ihadfallenback,onceandforall,onpurebenignity。\"ItscarcemattersifI’mclumsywhenyou’repracticallysobland。Iwonderifyou’llunderstand,\"
Icontinued,\"ifImakeyouanexplanation。\"
\"Mostprobably,\"sheanswered,ashandsomeasever,\"not。\"
\"Letmeatalleventstryyou。It’smoreovertheoneIjustpromised;
whichwasnomoreindeedthanthedevelopmentofafeelingI’vealreadypermittedmyselftoshowyou。Ilose\"——Ibroughtitout——\"byyouragreeingwithme!\"
\"’Lose’?\"
\"Yes;becausewhilewedisagreedyouwere,inspiteofthat,ontherightside。\"
\"Andwhatdoyoucalltherightside?\"
\"Well\"——Ibroughtitoutagain——\"onthesamesideasmyimagination。\"
Butitgaveheratleastachance。\"Oh,yourimagination!\"
\"Yes——Iknowwhatyouthinkofit;you’vesufficientlyhintedhowlittlethatis。Butit’spreciselybecauseyouregarditasrubbishthatInowappealtoyou。\"
Shecontinuedtoguardherselfbyhersurprises。\"Appeal?Ithoughtyouwereontheground,rather,\"shebeautifullysmiled,\"ofdictation。\"
\"Well,I’mthattoo。Idictatemyterms。Butmytermsareinthemselvestheappeal。\"Iwasingeniousbutpatient。\"See?\"
\"HowintheworldcanIsee?\"
\"Voyons,then。Lightordarkness,myimaginationridesme。Butofcourseifit’sallwrongIwanttogetridofit。Youcan’t,naturally,helpmetodestroythefacultyitself,butyoucanaidinthedefeatofitsapplicationtoaparticularcase。Itwasbecauseyousosmiled,before,onthatapplication,thatIvaluedevenmyminordifferencewithyou;andwhatIrefertoasmylossisthefactthatyourfrownleavesmestrugglingalone。Thebestthingforme,accordingly,asIfeel,istogetridaltogetheroftheobsession。
Thewaytodothat,clearly,sinceYOU’VEdoneit,isjusttoquenchthefire。BythefireImeantheflameofthefancythatblazedsoforusthismorning。Whatthedeucehaveyou,foryourself,pouredonit?Tellme,\"
Ipleaded,\"andteachme。\"
Equallywithhervoiceherfaceechoedmeagain。\"Teachyou?\"
\"Toabandonmyfalsegods。LeadmebacktopeacebythestepsYOU’VE
trod。Bysomuchastheymusthaveremainedtraceabletoyou,shallIfindthemofinterestandprofit。Theymustinfactbemostremarkable:won’ttheyeven——forwhatimayfindinthem——bemoreremarkablethanthoseweshouldnowbetakingtogetherifwehadn’tseparated,ifwehadn’tpulledup?\"ThatwasapropositionIcouldpresenttoherwithcandour,butbeforeherabsenceofprecipitationhadpermittedhermuchtoconsideritIhadalreadyfollowediton。\"You’lljusttellme,however,thatsinceIdopullupandturnbackwithyouweshalljusthaveNOTseparated。Well,then,somuchthebetter——Iseeyou’reright。ButIwant,\"Iearnestlydeclared,\"nottoloseaninchofthejourney。\"
ShewatchedmenowasaRomanladyatthecircusmayhavewatchedanexemplaryChristian。\"Thejourneyhasbeenaverysimpleone,\"shesaidatlast。\"Withmymindmadeuponasinglepoint,itwastakenatastride。\"
Iwasallinterest。\"Onasinglepoint?\"Then,as,almostexcessivelydeliberate,shestillkeptme:\"YoumeanthestillcommonplacecharacterofLong’s——a——consciousness?\"
Shehadtakenatlastagainthetimesherequired。\"DoyouknowwhatIthink?\"
\"It’sexactlywhatI’mpressingyoutomakeintelligible。\"
\"Well,\"saidMrs。Briss,\"Ithinkyou’recrazy。\"
Itnaturallystruckme。\"Crazy?\"
\"Crazy。\"
Iturneditover。\"Butdoyoucallthatintelligible?\"
Shediditjustice。\"No:Idon’tsupposeitCANbesoforyouifyouAREinsane。\"
Iriskedthelonglaughwhichmighthaveseemedthatofmadness。\"’IfIam’islovely!\"Andwhetherornotitwasthespecialsound,inmyear,ofmyhilarity,IrememberjustwonderingifperhapsImightn’tbe。\"Dearwoman,it’sthepointatissue!\"
Butitwasasifshetoohadbeenaffected。\"It’snotatissueformenow。\"
Igaveherthenthebenefitofmystirredspeculation。\"Italwayshappens,ofcourse,thatoneisone’sselfthelasttoknow。You’reperfectlyconvinced?\"
Shenotungracefully,foraninstant,faltered;butsinceIreallywouldhaveit——!\"Oh,sofaraswhatwe’vetalkedofisconcerned,perfectly!\"
\"Andit’sactuallywhatyou’vecomedownthentotellme?\"
\"Justexactlywhat。Andifit’sasurprisetoyou,\"sheadded,\"thatISHOULDhavecomedown——why,IcanonlysayIwaspreparedforanything。\"
\"Anything?\"Ismiled。
\"Inthewayofasurprise。\"
Ithought;butherpreparationwasnatural,thoughinamomentIcouldmatchit。\"Doyouknowthat’swhatIwastoo?\"
\"Prepared——?\"
\"Foranythinginthewayofasurprise。ButonlyFROMyou,\"Iexplained。
\"Andofcourse——yes,\"Imused,\"I’vegotit。IfIAMcrazy,\"Iwenton——\"it’sindeedsimple。\"
Sheappeared,however,tofeel,fromtheinfluenceofmypresenttone,theimpulse,incourtesy,toattenuate。\"Oh,Idon’tpretendit’ssimple!\"
\"No?Ithoughtthatwasjustwhatyoudidpretend。\"
\"Ididn’tsuppose,\"saidMrs。Briss,\"thatyou’dlikeit。Ididn’tsupposethatyou’dacceptitorevenlistentoit。ButIowedittoyou——\"Shehesitated。
\"Youowedittometoletmeknowwhatyouthoughtofmeevenshoulditproveverydisagreeable?\"
Thatperhapswasmorethanshecouldadopt。\"Iowedittomyself,\"sherepliedwithatouchofausterity。
\"ToletmeknowI’mdemented?\"
\"ToletyouknowI’mNOT。\"Weeachlooked,Ithink,whenshehadsaidit,asifshehaddonewhatshesaid。\"That’sall。\"
\"All?\"Iwailed。\"Ah,don’tspeakasifitweresolittle。It’smuch。
It’severything。\"
\"It’sanythingyouwill!\"saidMrs。Brissimpatiently。\"Good—night。\"
\"Good—night?\"Iwasaghast。\"Youleavemeonit?\"
Sheappearedtoprofessforaninstantallthefreshnessofherownthatshewaspledgedtoguard。\"Imustleaveyouonsomething。Icouldn’tcometospendawholehour。\"
\"Butdoyouthinkit’ssoquicklydonetopersuadeamanhe’scrazy?\"
\"Ihaven’texpectedtopersuadeyou。\"
\"Onlytothrowoutthehint?\"
\"Well,\"sheadmitted,\"itwouldbegoodifitcouldworkinyou。ButI’vetoldyou,\"sheaddedasiftowindupandhavedone,\"whatdeterminedme。\"
\"Ibegyourpardon\"——oh,Iprotested!\"That’sjustwhatyou’venottoldme。Thereasonofyourchange——\"
\"I’mnotspeaking,\"shebrokein,\"ofmychange。\"
\"Ah,butiam!\"Ideclaredwithasharpnessthatthrewherbackforaminuteonherreserves。\"It’syourchange,\"Iagaininsisted,\"that’stheinterestingthing。IfI’mcrazy,Imustoncemoreremindyou,youweresimplycrazyWITHme;andhowcanIthereforebeindifferenttoyourrecoveryofyourwitorletyougowithouthavingwonfromyouthesecretofyourremedy?\"Ishookmyheadwithkindness,butwithdecision。\"Youmustn’tleavemetillyou’veplaceditinmyhand。\"
ThereservesIhadspokenofwerenot,however,tofailher。\"Ithoughtyoujustsaidthatyouletmyinconsistencygo。\"
\"Yourmoralresponsibilityforit——perfectly。ButhowcanIshowagreaterindulgencethanbypositivelydesiringtoenterintoitshistory?It’sinthatsensethat,asIsay,\"Ideveloped,\"Idospeakofyourchange。
Theremusthavebeenagivenmomentwhentheneedofit——orwhen,inotherwords,thetruthofmypersonalstate——dawneduponyou。Thatmomentisthekeytoyourwholeposition——themomentforustofix。\"
\"Fixit,\"saidpoorMrs。Briss,\"whenyoulike!\"
\"Ihadmuchrather,\"Iprotested,\"fixitwhenYOUlike。Iwant——yousurelymustunderstandifIwantanythingofitatall——togetitabsolutelyright。\"Thenasthispleaseemedstillnottomoveher,Ioncemorecompressedmypalms。\"YouWON’Thelpme?\"
Shebridledatlastwithahighertoss。\"Itwasn’twithsuchviewsI
came。Idon’tbelieve,\"shewentonashademorepatiently,\"Idon’tbelieveifyouwanttoknowthereason——thatyou’rereallysincere。\"
Hereindeedwasanaffair。\"Notsincere——i?\"
\"Notproperlyhonest。Imeaningivingup。\"
\"Givingupwhat?\"
\"Why,everything。\"
\"Everything?Isitaquestion\"——Istared——\"ofTHAT?\"
\"YouwouldifyouWEREhonest。\"
\"Everything?\"Irepeated。
Againshestoodtoit。\"Everything。\"
\"ButisthatquitethereadinessI’veprofessed?\"
\"Ifitisn’tthen,whatis?\"
Ithoughtalittle。\"Why,isn’titsimplyamatterratheroftherenunciationofaconfidence?\"
\"Inyoursenseandyourtruth?\"This,sheindicated,wasallsheasked。
\"Well,whatisthatbuteverything?\"
\"Perhaps,\"Ireflected,\"perhaps。\"Infact,itnodoubtwas。\"We’lltakeitthenforeverything,andit’sassotakingitthatIrenounce。
Ikeepnothingatall。NowdoyoubelieveI’mhonest?\"
Shehesitated。\"Well——yes,ifyousayso。\"
\"Ah,\"Isighed,\"Iseeyoudon’t!WhatcanIdo,\"Iasked,\"toproveit?\"
\"Youcaneasilyproveit。Youcanletmego。\"
\"Doesitstrikeyou,\"Iconsidered,\"thatIshouldtakeyourgoingasasignofyourbelief?\"
\"Ofwhatelse,then?\"
\"Why,surely,\"Ipromptlyreplied,\"myassenttoyourleavingourdiscussionwhereitstandswouldconstituteaverydifferentsymptom。Wouldn’titmuchratherrepresent,\"Iinquired,\"afailureofbeliefonmyownpartinYOURhonesty?Ifyoucanjudgeme,inshort,asonlypretending——\"
\"Whyshouldn’tyou,\"sheputinforme,\"alsojudgeME?WhathaveI
togainbypretending?\"
\"I’lltellyou,\"Ireturned,laughing,\"ifyou’lltellmewhatihave。\"
Sheappearedtoaskherselfifshecould,andthentodecideinthenegative。\"IfIdon’tunderstandyouinanyway,ofcourseIdon’tinthat。
Putit,atanyrate,\"shenowratherwearilyquavered,\"thatoneofushasaslittletogainastheother。Ibelieveyou,\"sherepeated。\"There!\"
\"Thanks,\"Ismiled,\"forthewayyousayit。Ifyoudon’t,asyousay,understandme,\"Iinsisted,\"it’sbecauseyouthinkmecrazy。AndifyouthinkmecrazyIdon’tseehowyouCANleaveme。\"
Shepresentlymetthis。\"IfIbelieveyou’resincereinsayingyougiveupIbelieveyou’verecovered。AndifIbelieveyou’verecoveredIdon’tthinkyoucrazy。It’ssimpleenough。\"
\"Thenwhyisn’titsimpletounderstandme?\"
Sheturnedabout,andthereweremomentsinherembarrassment,now,fromwhichshefairlydrewbeauty。Herawkwardnesswassomehownoble;hersenseofherpredicamentwasinitselfyoung。\"IsitEVER?\"shecharminglythrewout。
IfeltshemustseeatthisjuncturehowwonderfulIfoundher,andeventhatthatimpression——one’swholeconsciousnessofherpersonalvictory——wasaforcethat,inthelastresort,wasallonherside。\"Itwasquiteworthyourwhile,thissittinguptothishour,toshowafellowhowyoubloomwhenotherwomenarefagged。Ifthatwasreally,withthetruththatwe’resopullingaboutlaidbare,whatyoudidmostwanttoshow,why,then,you’vesplendidlytriumphed,andIcongratulateandthankyou。No,\"Iquicklywenton,\"Idaresay,todoyoujustice,theinterpretationofmytropesandfiguresISN’T’ever’perfectlysimple。YoudoubtlessHAVEdrivenmeintoacornerwithmydangerousexplosive,andmyonlyfaircoursemustbethereforetositonittillyougetoutoftheroom。I’msittingonitnow;andIthinkyou’llfindyoucangetoutassoonasyou’vetoldmeTHIS。Wasthemomentyourchangeofviewdawneduponyouthemomentofourexchangingawhileago,inthedrawing—room,ourfewwords?\"
Thelightthat,undermylastassurances,hadsoconsiderablyrevivedfadedinheralittleasshesawmeagaintacklethethemeofherinconstancy;
buttheprospectofgettingridofmeonthesetermsmademyinquiry,nonetheless,worthtryingtoface。\"Thatmoment?\"Sheshowedtheefforttothinkback。
Igavehereveryassistance。\"Itwaswhen,afterthemusic,IhadbeentalkingtoLadyJohn。Youwereonasofa,notfarfromus,withGilbertLong;andwhen,onLadyJohn’sdroppingme,Imadeaslightmovementtowardyou,youmostgraciouslymetitbyrisingandgivingmeachancewhileMr。Longwalkedaway。\"
ItwasasifIhadhungthepicturebeforeher,sothatshehadfairlytolookatit。Butthepointthatshefirst,inhereffort,tookupwasnot,superficially,themostsalient。\"Mr。Longwalkedaway?\"
\"Oh,Idon’tmeantosaythatthathadanythingtodowithit。\"
Shecontinuedtothink。\"Todowithwhat?\"
\"Withthewaythesituationcomesbacktomenowaspossiblymarkingyourcrisis。\"
Shewondered。\"Wasita’situation’?\"
\"That’sjustwhatI’maskingyou。WASit?WasitTHEsituation?\"
Butshehadquitefallenawayagain。\"Irememberthemomentyoumean——itwaswhenIsaidIwouldcometoyouhere。Butwhyshouldithavestruckyouasacrisis?\"
\"Itdidn’tintheleastatthetime,forIdidn’tthenknowyouwerenolonger’with’me。ButinthelightofwhatI’vesincelearnedfromyouIseemtorecoveranimpressionwhich,onthespot,wasonlyvague。Theimpression,\"Iexplained,\"ofyourtakingadecisionthatpresentedsomedifficulty,butthatwasdeterminedbysomethingthathadthen——andevenperhapsalittlesuddenly——comeupforyou。That’sthepoint\"——Icontinuedtounfoldmycase——\"onwhichmyquestionbears。WASthis’something’yourconclusion,thenandthere,thatthere’snothinginanything?\"
Shekeptherdistance。\"’Inanything’?\"
\"AndthatIcouldonlybe,accordingly,outofmymind?Come,\"Ipatientlypursued;\"suchaperceptionasthathad,atsomeinstantorother,toBEGIN;
andI’monlytryingtoaidyoutorecollectwhenthedevilitdid!\"
\"Doesitparticularlymatter?\"Mrs。Brissinquired。
Ifeltmychin。\"Thatdependsalittle——doesn’tit?——onwhatyoumeanby’matter’!Itmattersforyourmeetingmycuriosity,andthatmatters,initsturn,aswejustarranged,formyreleasingyou。Youmayaskofcourseifmycuriosityitselfmatters;buttothat,fortunately,myreplycanonlybeoftheclearest。Thesatisfactionofmycuriosityisthepacificationofmymind。We’vegranted,we’veaccepted,Iagainpressuponyou,inrespecttothatprecariousquantity,itstopsy—turvystate。Onlygivemealead;
Idon’taskyouformore。Letmeforaninstantseeplaybeforemeanyfeeblereflectionwhateveroftheflashofnewtruththatunsettledyou。\"
Ithoughtforamomentthat,inherdespair,shewouldfindsomethingthatwoulddo。Butsheonlyfound:\"Itdidn’tcomeinaflash。\"
Iremainedallpatience。\"Itcamelittlebylittle?ItbeganthenperhapsearlierinthedaythanthemomenttowhichIallude?Andyet,\"Icontinued,\"wewereprettywellonintheday,Imustkeepinmind,whenIhadyourlastnewsofyourcredulity。\"
\"Mycredulity?\"