第14章

类别:其他 作者:Henry, Jr.James字数:10901更新时间:19/01/07 14:51:50
\"Why,havingsuchsecrets。\"Shewasroundlyreadynow。\"SacrificingpoorMay。\" \"ButYOU,dearlady,sacrificedpoorMay!Itdidn’tstrikeyouashorridTHEN。\" \"Well,thatwasonly,\"shemaintained,\"becauseyoutalkedmeover。\" Iletherseethefullprocessofmytaking——ornottaking——thisin。 \"Andwhoisitthenthat——if,asyousay,you’vespokentonoone——has,asImaycallit,talkedyouunder?\" Shecompleted,onthespot,herstatementofamomentbefore。\"Notacreaturehasspokentome。\" Ifeltsomehowthewishtomakehersayitinasmanywaysaspossible——I seemedsotoenjoyhersayingit。Thishelpedmetomakemytoneapproveandencourage。\"You’vecommunicatedsolittlewithanyone!\"Ididn’tevenmakeitaquestion。 Itwasscarceyet,however,quitegoodenough。\"Solittle?I’venotcommunicatedtheleastmite。\" \"Precisely。Butdon’tthinkmeimpertinentforhavingforamomentwondered。 WhatIshouldsaytoyouifyouhad,youknow,wouldbethatyoujustaccusedme。\" \"Accusedyou?\" \"Oftalkingtoomuch。\" Itcamebacktoherdim。\"Areweaccusingeachother?\" Hertoneseemedsuddenlytoputusnearertogetherthanwehadeverbeenatall。\"Dearno,\"Ilaughed——\"noteachother;onlywitheachother’shelp,afewofourgoodfriends。\" \"Afew?\"Shehandsomelydemurred。\"Butoneortwoatthebest。\" \"Orattheworst!\"——Icontinuedtolaugh。\"Andnoteventhose,itafterallappears,verymuch!\" Shedidn’tlikemylaughter,butshewasnowgrandlyindulgent。\"Well,Iaccusenoone。\" Iwassilentalittle;thenIconcurred。\"It’sdoubtlessyourbestline; andIreallyquitefeel,atallevents,thatwhenyoumentionedawhilesincethatItalktoomuchyouonlymeanttoomuchtoYOU。\" \"Yes——Iwasn’timputingtoyouthesamedirectappeal。Ididn’tsuppose,\" sheexplained,\"that——tomatchyourownsuppositionofME——youhadresortedtoMayherself。\" \"Youdidn’tsupposeIhadaskedher?\"Thepointwaspositivelythatshedidn’t;yetitmadeuslookateachotheralmostashardasifshedid。\"No,ofcourseyoucouldn’thavesupposedanythingsocruel——allthemorethat,asyouknew,Ihadnotadmittedthepossibility。\" Sheacceptedmyassent;but,oddlyenough,withasuddenqualificationthatshowedherasstillsharplydisposedtomakeuseofanyloosescrapofherembarrassedacuteness。\"Ofcourse,atthesametime,youyourselfsawthatyournotadmittingthepossibilitywouldhavetakentheedgefromyourcruelty。It’snottheinnocent,\"shesuggestivelyremarked,\"thatwefeartofrighten。\" \"Oh,\"Ireturned,\"Ifear,mostly,Ithink,tofrightenANYone。I’mnotparticularlybrave。Ihaven’t,atallevents,inspiteofmycertitude,interrogatedMrs。Server,andIgiveyoumywordofhonourthatI’venothadanydenialfromhertopropupmydoubt。Itstillstandsonitsownfeet,anditwasitsownbattlethat,whenIcamehereatyoursummons,itwaspreparedtofight。Letmeaccordinglyremindyou,\"Ipursued,\"inconnectionwiththat,oftheonesenseinwhichyouwere,asyouamomentagosaid,talkedoverbyme。IpersuadedyouapparentlythatLong’smetamorphosiswasnottheworkofLadyJohn。Ipersuadedyouofnothingelse。\" Shelookeddownalittle,asifagainatatrap。\"Youpersuadedmethatitwastheworkofsomebody。\"Thensheheldupherhead。\"Itcametothesamething。\" IfIhadcreditthenformytrapitatleastmightserve。\"Thesamethingaswhat?\" \"Why,asclaimingthatitWASshe。\" \"PoorMay——’claiming’?WhenIinsisteditwasn’t!\" Mrs。Brissendenflushed。\"Youdidn’tinsistitwasn’tanybody!\" \"WhyshouldIwhenIdidn’tbelieveso?I’veleftyouinnodoubt,\" Iindulgentlysmiled,\"ofmybeliefs。Itwassomebody——anditstillis。\" Shelookedaboutatthetopoftheroom。\"Themistake’snowyours。\" Iwatchedheraninstant。\"Canyoutellmethenwhatonedoestorecoverfromsuchmistakes?\" \"Onethinksalittle。\" \"Ah,themoreI’vethoughtthedeeperI’vesunk!Andthatseemedtomethecasewithyouthismorning,\"Iadded,\"themoreYOUthought。\" \"Well,then,\"shefranklydeclared,\"Imusthavestoppedthinking!\" Itwasaphenomenon,Isufficientlyshowed,thatthoughtonlycouldmeet。\"Couldyoutellmethenatwhatpoint?\" Shehadtothinkeventodothat。\"Atwhatpoint?\" \"Whatinparticulardetermined,Imean,yourarrest?Yousurelydidn’t——launchedasyouwere——stopshortallofyourself。\" Shefrontedme,afterall,stillsobravelythatIbelievedherforaninstantnottobe,onthisarticle,withoutananswershecouldproduce。 Theunexpectedthereforebrokeformewhenshefairlyproducednone。\"I confessIdon’tmakeout,\"shesimplysaid,\"whyyouseemsolittlepleasedthatIagreewithyou。\" Ithrewback,indespair,bothheadandhands。\"But,youpoor,dearthing,youdon’tintheLEASTagreewithme!Youflatlycontradictme。 Youdenymymiracle。\" \"Idon’tbelieveinmiracles,\"shepanted。 \"SoIexactly,atthislatehour,learn。ButIdon’tinsistonthename。 Nothingis,Iadmit,amiraclefromthemomentone’sonthetrackofthecause,whichwasthescentwewerefollowing。Callthethingsimplymyfact。\" Shegaveherhighheadatoss。\"Ifit’syoursit’snobodyelse’s!\" \"Ah,there’sjustthequestion——ifwecouldknowall!Butmypointisprecisely,forthepresent,thatyoudodenyit。\" \"OfcourseIdenyit,\"saidMrs。Briss。 Itookamoment,butmysilenceheldher。\"Your’ofcourse’wouldbewhatIwouldagaincontest,whatIwoulddenounceandbrandasthewordtoomuch——thewordthatspoils,wereitnotthatitseemsbest,thatitinanycaseseemsnecessary,toletallquestionofyourconsistencygo。\" OnthatIhadpaused,and,asIfeltmyselfstillholdingher,Iwasnotsurprisedwhenmypausehadaneffect。\"Youdoletitgo?\" Shehadtried,Icouldsee,toputtheinquiryasallironic。Butitwasnotallironic;itwas,infact,littleenoughsotosuggestformesomeintensification——notquite,Itrust,wanton——ofhersuspense。Ishouldbeatalosstosayindeedhowmuchitsuggestedorhalfofwhatittold。 Thesethingsagainalmostviolentlymovedme,andifI,afteraninstant,inmysilence,turnedaway,itwasnotonlytokeepherwaiting,buttomakemyelationmoreprivate。IturnedawaytothattunethatIliterally,forafewminutes,quittedher,availingmyselfthus,superficially,oftheairofweighingaconsequence。Iwanderedofftwentystepsand,whileIpassedmyhandovermytroubledhead,lookedvaguelyatobjectsontablesandsniffedabsentlyatflowersinbowls。Idon’tknowhowlongIsolostmyself,norquitewhy——asImustforsometimehavekeptitup——mycompaniondidn’tnowreallyembraceherpossiblealternativeofruptureandretreat。 Orrather,astoheractioninthislastmatter,Iam,andwasonthespot,clear:IknewatthatmomenthowmuchSHEknewshemustnotleavemewithouthavinggotfromme。Itcamebackinwaves,inwiderglimpses,andproducedinsodoingtheexcitementIhadtocontrol。ItcouldNOTbutbeexcitingtotalk,aswetalked,onthebasisofthosesuppressedprocessesandunavowedreferenceswhichmadethemeaningofourmeetingsodifferentfromitsform。Weknewourselves——whatmovedme,thatis,wasthatsheknewme——tomean,ateverypoint,immenselymorethanIsaidorthansheanswered; justasshesawme,atthesamepoints,measurethespacebywhichheranswersfellshort。ThismademyconversationwithheratotallyotherandafarmoreinterestingthingthananycolloquyIhadeverenjoyed; ithadevenasharpnessthathadnotbelonged,afewhoursbefore,tomyextraordinaryinterviewwithMrs。Server。Shecouldn’taffordtoquarrelwithmeforcatechisingher;shecouldn’taffordnottohavekept,inherway,faithwithme;shecouldn’tafford,afterinconceivablepassageswithLong,nottotreatmeasanobservertobesquared。Shehadcomedowntosquareme;shewashangingontosquareme;shewassufferingandstammeringandlying;shewasbothcarryingitgrandlyoffandlettingitdesperatelygo:all,alltosquareme。AndIcaughtmoreoverperfectlyhervisionofherway,andIfollowedherwayevenwhileIjudgedit,feelingthattheonlypersonalprivilegeIcould,afterall,savefromthewholebusinesswasthatofunderstanding。Icouldn’tsaveMrs。Server,andIcouldn’tsavepoorBriss;ICOULD,however,guard,tothelastgrainofgold,myprecioussenseoftheirloss,theirdisintegrationandtheirdoom;anditwasforthisIwasnowbargaining。 ItwasofgivingherselfawayjustenoughnottospoilformemybargainovermytreasurethatMrs。Briss’sbribewouldconsist。ShewouldletmeseeasfarasIwouldifshecouldfeelsureIwouldDOnothing;anditwasexactlyinthisquestionofhowmuchImighthavescaredmycoupleintothesenseICOULD\"do\"thatthesavourofmysuspensemostdwelt。 Icouldhavemadethemuneasy,ofcourse,onlybymakingthemfearmyintervention; andyettheideaoftheirbeinguneasywaslesswonderfulthantheideaofmyhaving,withallmyprecautions,communicatedtothemaconsciousness。 ThiswassothelastthingIhadwantedtodothatIfelt,duringmyswiftexcursion,howmuchtimeIshouldneedinthefutureforrecoveryoftheprocess——allofthefinestwind—blownintimations,wovenofsilenceandsecrecyandair——bywhichtheirsuspicionwouldhavethrobbedintolife。 Icouldonly,provisionallyandsketchily,figureitout,thissuspicion,ashaving,littlebylittle——notwithasuddenstart——feltitselfinthepresenceofmyown,justasmyownnowreturnedthecompliment。Whatcamebacktome,asIhavesaid,inwavesandwiderglimpses,wasthemarveloftheirexchangeofsignals,thephenomenon,scarcetoberepresented,oftheirbreakinggroundwitheachother。Theybothhadtheirtreasuretoguard,andtheyhadlookedtoeachotherwiththeinstinctofhelp。 Theyhadfelt,oneitherside,thevictimpossiblyslip,andtheyhadconnectedthepossibilitywithaninterestdiscerniblyinspiredinmebythispersonage,andwitharelationdiscoverablyestablishedbythatinterest。Itwouldn’thavebeenadanger,perhaps,ifthetwovictimshadn’tslippedtogether; andmoreamazing,doubtless,thananythingelsewastherecognitionbymysacrificingcoupleoftheopportunitydrawnbymysacrificedfrombeingconjoinedinmycharity。Howcouldtheyknow,GilbertLongandMrs。Briss,thatactivelytocommunicateaconsciousnesstomyotherfriendshadnopartinmyplan?ThemostIhaddreamedof,Icouldhonourablyfeel,wastoassuremyselfoftheirindependentpossessionofone。Thesethingswerewithmewhile,asIhavenoted,ImadeGraceBrissendenwait,anditwasalsowithmethat,thoughIcondonedherdeviation,shemusttakeitfrommeasacharity。Ihadpresentlyachievedanotherofmyfullrevolutions,andIfacedheragainwithaviewofherovertureandmyanswertoherlastquestion。Thetermswerenotaltogetherwhatmypitycouldhavewished,butIsufficientlykepteverythingtogethertohavetoseethattherewerelimitstomychoice。\"Yes,Iletitgo,yourchangeoffront,thoughitvexesmealittle——andI’llinamomenttellyouwhy——tohaveto。Butletusputitthatit’sonacondition。\" \"Changeoffront?\"shemurmuredwhileshelookedatme。\"Yourexpressionsarenotofthehappiest。\" ButIsawitwasonlyagaintocoveradoubt。Mycondition,forher,wasquestionable,andIfeltitwouldbestillmoresoonherhearingwhatitwas。Meanwhile,however,inspiteofherqualificationofit,Ihadfallenback,onceandforall,onpurebenignity。\"ItscarcemattersifI’mclumsywhenyou’repracticallysobland。Iwonderifyou’llunderstand,\" Icontinued,\"ifImakeyouanexplanation。\" \"Mostprobably,\"sheanswered,ashandsomeasever,\"not。\" \"Letmeatalleventstryyou。It’smoreovertheoneIjustpromised; whichwasnomoreindeedthanthedevelopmentofafeelingI’vealreadypermittedmyselftoshowyou。Ilose\"——Ibroughtitout——\"byyouragreeingwithme!\" \"’Lose’?\" \"Yes;becausewhilewedisagreedyouwere,inspiteofthat,ontherightside。\" \"Andwhatdoyoucalltherightside?\" \"Well\"——Ibroughtitoutagain——\"onthesamesideasmyimagination。\" Butitgaveheratleastachance。\"Oh,yourimagination!\" \"Yes——Iknowwhatyouthinkofit;you’vesufficientlyhintedhowlittlethatis。Butit’spreciselybecauseyouregarditasrubbishthatInowappealtoyou。\" Shecontinuedtoguardherselfbyhersurprises。\"Appeal?Ithoughtyouwereontheground,rather,\"shebeautifullysmiled,\"ofdictation。\" \"Well,I’mthattoo。Idictatemyterms。Butmytermsareinthemselvestheappeal。\"Iwasingeniousbutpatient。\"See?\" \"HowintheworldcanIsee?\" \"Voyons,then。Lightordarkness,myimaginationridesme。Butofcourseifit’sallwrongIwanttogetridofit。Youcan’t,naturally,helpmetodestroythefacultyitself,butyoucanaidinthedefeatofitsapplicationtoaparticularcase。Itwasbecauseyousosmiled,before,onthatapplication,thatIvaluedevenmyminordifferencewithyou;andwhatIrefertoasmylossisthefactthatyourfrownleavesmestrugglingalone。Thebestthingforme,accordingly,asIfeel,istogetridaltogetheroftheobsession。 Thewaytodothat,clearly,sinceYOU’VEdoneit,isjusttoquenchthefire。BythefireImeantheflameofthefancythatblazedsoforusthismorning。Whatthedeucehaveyou,foryourself,pouredonit?Tellme,\" Ipleaded,\"andteachme。\" Equallywithhervoiceherfaceechoedmeagain。\"Teachyou?\" \"Toabandonmyfalsegods。LeadmebacktopeacebythestepsYOU’VE trod。Bysomuchastheymusthaveremainedtraceabletoyou,shallIfindthemofinterestandprofit。Theymustinfactbemostremarkable:won’ttheyeven——forwhatimayfindinthem——bemoreremarkablethanthoseweshouldnowbetakingtogetherifwehadn’tseparated,ifwehadn’tpulledup?\"ThatwasapropositionIcouldpresenttoherwithcandour,butbeforeherabsenceofprecipitationhadpermittedhermuchtoconsideritIhadalreadyfollowediton。\"You’lljusttellme,however,thatsinceIdopullupandturnbackwithyouweshalljusthaveNOTseparated。Well,then,somuchthebetter——Iseeyou’reright。ButIwant,\"Iearnestlydeclared,\"nottoloseaninchofthejourney。\" ShewatchedmenowasaRomanladyatthecircusmayhavewatchedanexemplaryChristian。\"Thejourneyhasbeenaverysimpleone,\"shesaidatlast。\"Withmymindmadeuponasinglepoint,itwastakenatastride。\" Iwasallinterest。\"Onasinglepoint?\"Then,as,almostexcessivelydeliberate,shestillkeptme:\"YoumeanthestillcommonplacecharacterofLong’s——a——consciousness?\" Shehadtakenatlastagainthetimesherequired。\"DoyouknowwhatIthink?\" \"It’sexactlywhatI’mpressingyoutomakeintelligible。\" \"Well,\"saidMrs。Briss,\"Ithinkyou’recrazy。\" Itnaturallystruckme。\"Crazy?\" \"Crazy。\" Iturneditover。\"Butdoyoucallthatintelligible?\" Shediditjustice。\"No:Idon’tsupposeitCANbesoforyouifyouAREinsane。\" Iriskedthelonglaughwhichmighthaveseemedthatofmadness。\"’IfIam’islovely!\"Andwhetherornotitwasthespecialsound,inmyear,ofmyhilarity,IrememberjustwonderingifperhapsImightn’tbe。\"Dearwoman,it’sthepointatissue!\" Butitwasasifshetoohadbeenaffected。\"It’snotatissueformenow。\" Igaveherthenthebenefitofmystirredspeculation。\"Italwayshappens,ofcourse,thatoneisone’sselfthelasttoknow。You’reperfectlyconvinced?\" Shenotungracefully,foraninstant,faltered;butsinceIreallywouldhaveit——!\"Oh,sofaraswhatwe’vetalkedofisconcerned,perfectly!\" \"Andit’sactuallywhatyou’vecomedownthentotellme?\" \"Justexactlywhat。Andifit’sasurprisetoyou,\"sheadded,\"thatISHOULDhavecomedown——why,IcanonlysayIwaspreparedforanything。\" \"Anything?\"Ismiled。 \"Inthewayofasurprise。\" Ithought;butherpreparationwasnatural,thoughinamomentIcouldmatchit。\"Doyouknowthat’swhatIwastoo?\" \"Prepared——?\" \"Foranythinginthewayofasurprise。ButonlyFROMyou,\"Iexplained。 \"Andofcourse——yes,\"Imused,\"I’vegotit。IfIAMcrazy,\"Iwenton——\"it’sindeedsimple。\" Sheappeared,however,tofeel,fromtheinfluenceofmypresenttone,theimpulse,incourtesy,toattenuate。\"Oh,Idon’tpretendit’ssimple!\" \"No?Ithoughtthatwasjustwhatyoudidpretend。\" \"Ididn’tsuppose,\"saidMrs。Briss,\"thatyou’dlikeit。Ididn’tsupposethatyou’dacceptitorevenlistentoit。ButIowedittoyou——\"Shehesitated。 \"Youowedittometoletmeknowwhatyouthoughtofmeevenshoulditproveverydisagreeable?\" Thatperhapswasmorethanshecouldadopt。\"Iowedittomyself,\"sherepliedwithatouchofausterity。 \"ToletmeknowI’mdemented?\" \"ToletyouknowI’mNOT。\"Weeachlooked,Ithink,whenshehadsaidit,asifshehaddonewhatshesaid。\"That’sall。\" \"All?\"Iwailed。\"Ah,don’tspeakasifitweresolittle。It’smuch。 It’severything。\" \"It’sanythingyouwill!\"saidMrs。Brissimpatiently。\"Good—night。\" \"Good—night?\"Iwasaghast。\"Youleavemeonit?\" Sheappearedtoprofessforaninstantallthefreshnessofherownthatshewaspledgedtoguard。\"Imustleaveyouonsomething。Icouldn’tcometospendawholehour。\" \"Butdoyouthinkit’ssoquicklydonetopersuadeamanhe’scrazy?\" \"Ihaven’texpectedtopersuadeyou。\" \"Onlytothrowoutthehint?\" \"Well,\"sheadmitted,\"itwouldbegoodifitcouldworkinyou。ButI’vetoldyou,\"sheaddedasiftowindupandhavedone,\"whatdeterminedme。\" \"Ibegyourpardon\"——oh,Iprotested!\"That’sjustwhatyou’venottoldme。Thereasonofyourchange——\" \"I’mnotspeaking,\"shebrokein,\"ofmychange。\" \"Ah,butiam!\"Ideclaredwithasharpnessthatthrewherbackforaminuteonherreserves。\"It’syourchange,\"Iagaininsisted,\"that’stheinterestingthing。IfI’mcrazy,Imustoncemoreremindyou,youweresimplycrazyWITHme;andhowcanIthereforebeindifferenttoyourrecoveryofyourwitorletyougowithouthavingwonfromyouthesecretofyourremedy?\"Ishookmyheadwithkindness,butwithdecision。\"Youmustn’tleavemetillyou’veplaceditinmyhand。\" ThereservesIhadspokenofwerenot,however,tofailher。\"Ithoughtyoujustsaidthatyouletmyinconsistencygo。\" \"Yourmoralresponsibilityforit——perfectly。ButhowcanIshowagreaterindulgencethanbypositivelydesiringtoenterintoitshistory?It’sinthatsensethat,asIsay,\"Ideveloped,\"Idospeakofyourchange。 Theremusthavebeenagivenmomentwhentheneedofit——orwhen,inotherwords,thetruthofmypersonalstate——dawneduponyou。Thatmomentisthekeytoyourwholeposition——themomentforustofix。\" \"Fixit,\"saidpoorMrs。Briss,\"whenyoulike!\" \"Ihadmuchrather,\"Iprotested,\"fixitwhenYOUlike。Iwant——yousurelymustunderstandifIwantanythingofitatall——togetitabsolutelyright。\"Thenasthispleaseemedstillnottomoveher,Ioncemorecompressedmypalms。\"YouWON’Thelpme?\" Shebridledatlastwithahighertoss。\"Itwasn’twithsuchviewsI came。Idon’tbelieve,\"shewentonashademorepatiently,\"Idon’tbelieveifyouwanttoknowthereason——thatyou’rereallysincere。\" Hereindeedwasanaffair。\"Notsincere——i?\" \"Notproperlyhonest。Imeaningivingup。\" \"Givingupwhat?\" \"Why,everything。\" \"Everything?Isitaquestion\"——Istared——\"ofTHAT?\" \"YouwouldifyouWEREhonest。\" \"Everything?\"Irepeated。 Againshestoodtoit。\"Everything。\" \"ButisthatquitethereadinessI’veprofessed?\" \"Ifitisn’tthen,whatis?\" Ithoughtalittle。\"Why,isn’titsimplyamatterratheroftherenunciationofaconfidence?\" \"Inyoursenseandyourtruth?\"This,sheindicated,wasallsheasked。 \"Well,whatisthatbuteverything?\" \"Perhaps,\"Ireflected,\"perhaps。\"Infact,itnodoubtwas。\"We’lltakeitthenforeverything,andit’sassotakingitthatIrenounce。 Ikeepnothingatall。NowdoyoubelieveI’mhonest?\" Shehesitated。\"Well——yes,ifyousayso。\" \"Ah,\"Isighed,\"Iseeyoudon’t!WhatcanIdo,\"Iasked,\"toproveit?\" \"Youcaneasilyproveit。Youcanletmego。\" \"Doesitstrikeyou,\"Iconsidered,\"thatIshouldtakeyourgoingasasignofyourbelief?\" \"Ofwhatelse,then?\" \"Why,surely,\"Ipromptlyreplied,\"myassenttoyourleavingourdiscussionwhereitstandswouldconstituteaverydifferentsymptom。Wouldn’titmuchratherrepresent,\"Iinquired,\"afailureofbeliefonmyownpartinYOURhonesty?Ifyoucanjudgeme,inshort,asonlypretending——\" \"Whyshouldn’tyou,\"sheputinforme,\"alsojudgeME?WhathaveI togainbypretending?\" \"I’lltellyou,\"Ireturned,laughing,\"ifyou’lltellmewhatihave。\" Sheappearedtoaskherselfifshecould,andthentodecideinthenegative。\"IfIdon’tunderstandyouinanyway,ofcourseIdon’tinthat。 Putit,atanyrate,\"shenowratherwearilyquavered,\"thatoneofushasaslittletogainastheother。Ibelieveyou,\"sherepeated。\"There!\" \"Thanks,\"Ismiled,\"forthewayyousayit。Ifyoudon’t,asyousay,understandme,\"Iinsisted,\"it’sbecauseyouthinkmecrazy。AndifyouthinkmecrazyIdon’tseehowyouCANleaveme。\" Shepresentlymetthis。\"IfIbelieveyou’resincereinsayingyougiveupIbelieveyou’verecovered。AndifIbelieveyou’verecoveredIdon’tthinkyoucrazy。It’ssimpleenough。\" \"Thenwhyisn’titsimpletounderstandme?\" Sheturnedabout,andthereweremomentsinherembarrassment,now,fromwhichshefairlydrewbeauty。Herawkwardnesswassomehownoble;hersenseofherpredicamentwasinitselfyoung。\"IsitEVER?\"shecharminglythrewout。 IfeltshemustseeatthisjuncturehowwonderfulIfoundher,andeventhatthatimpression——one’swholeconsciousnessofherpersonalvictory——wasaforcethat,inthelastresort,wasallonherside。\"Itwasquiteworthyourwhile,thissittinguptothishour,toshowafellowhowyoubloomwhenotherwomenarefagged。Ifthatwasreally,withthetruththatwe’resopullingaboutlaidbare,whatyoudidmostwanttoshow,why,then,you’vesplendidlytriumphed,andIcongratulateandthankyou。No,\"Iquicklywenton,\"Idaresay,todoyoujustice,theinterpretationofmytropesandfiguresISN’T’ever’perfectlysimple。YoudoubtlessHAVEdrivenmeintoacornerwithmydangerousexplosive,andmyonlyfaircoursemustbethereforetositonittillyougetoutoftheroom。I’msittingonitnow;andIthinkyou’llfindyoucangetoutassoonasyou’vetoldmeTHIS。Wasthemomentyourchangeofviewdawneduponyouthemomentofourexchangingawhileago,inthedrawing—room,ourfewwords?\" Thelightthat,undermylastassurances,hadsoconsiderablyrevivedfadedinheralittleasshesawmeagaintacklethethemeofherinconstancy; buttheprospectofgettingridofmeonthesetermsmademyinquiry,nonetheless,worthtryingtoface。\"Thatmoment?\"Sheshowedtheefforttothinkback。 Igavehereveryassistance。\"Itwaswhen,afterthemusic,IhadbeentalkingtoLadyJohn。Youwereonasofa,notfarfromus,withGilbertLong;andwhen,onLadyJohn’sdroppingme,Imadeaslightmovementtowardyou,youmostgraciouslymetitbyrisingandgivingmeachancewhileMr。Longwalkedaway。\" ItwasasifIhadhungthepicturebeforeher,sothatshehadfairlytolookatit。Butthepointthatshefirst,inhereffort,tookupwasnot,superficially,themostsalient。\"Mr。Longwalkedaway?\" \"Oh,Idon’tmeantosaythatthathadanythingtodowithit。\" Shecontinuedtothink。\"Todowithwhat?\" \"Withthewaythesituationcomesbacktomenowaspossiblymarkingyourcrisis。\" Shewondered。\"Wasita’situation’?\" \"That’sjustwhatI’maskingyou。WASit?WasitTHEsituation?\" Butshehadquitefallenawayagain。\"Irememberthemomentyoumean——itwaswhenIsaidIwouldcometoyouhere。Butwhyshouldithavestruckyouasacrisis?\" \"Itdidn’tintheleastatthetime,forIdidn’tthenknowyouwerenolonger’with’me。ButinthelightofwhatI’vesincelearnedfromyouIseemtorecoveranimpressionwhich,onthespot,wasonlyvague。Theimpression,\"Iexplained,\"ofyourtakingadecisionthatpresentedsomedifficulty,butthatwasdeterminedbysomethingthathadthen——andevenperhapsalittlesuddenly——comeupforyou。That’sthepoint\"——Icontinuedtounfoldmycase——\"onwhichmyquestionbears。WASthis’something’yourconclusion,thenandthere,thatthere’snothinginanything?\" Shekeptherdistance。\"’Inanything’?\" \"AndthatIcouldonlybe,accordingly,outofmymind?Come,\"Ipatientlypursued;\"suchaperceptionasthathad,atsomeinstantorother,toBEGIN; andI’monlytryingtoaidyoutorecollectwhenthedevilitdid!\" \"Doesitparticularlymatter?\"Mrs。Brissinquired。 Ifeltmychin。\"Thatdependsalittle——doesn’tit?——onwhatyoumeanby’matter’!Itmattersforyourmeetingmycuriosity,andthatmatters,initsturn,aswejustarranged,formyreleasingyou。Youmayaskofcourseifmycuriosityitselfmatters;buttothat,fortunately,myreplycanonlybeoftheclearest。Thesatisfactionofmycuriosityisthepacificationofmymind。We’vegranted,we’veaccepted,Iagainpressuponyou,inrespecttothatprecariousquantity,itstopsy—turvystate。Onlygivemealead; Idon’taskyouformore。Letmeforaninstantseeplaybeforemeanyfeeblereflectionwhateveroftheflashofnewtruththatunsettledyou。\" Ithoughtforamomentthat,inherdespair,shewouldfindsomethingthatwoulddo。Butsheonlyfound:\"Itdidn’tcomeinaflash。\" Iremainedallpatience。\"Itcamelittlebylittle?ItbeganthenperhapsearlierinthedaythanthemomenttowhichIallude?Andyet,\"Icontinued,\"wewereprettywellonintheday,Imustkeepinmind,whenIhadyourlastnewsofyourcredulity。\" \"Mycredulity?\"