第12章

类别:其他 作者:Willa Cather字数:9292更新时间:19/01/07 15:03:41
Dr。Archieswungroundinhischairandlookedather,honestlyandleniently。\"Well,Thea,itseemstomelikethis。Everypeoplehashaditsreligion。Allreligionsaregood,andallareprettymuchalike。ButIdon’tseehowwecouldliveuptotheminthesenseyoumean。I’vethoughtaboutitagooddeal,andIcan’thelpfeelingthatwhileweareinthisworldwehavetoliveforthebestthingsofthisworld,andthosethingsarematerialandpositive。Now,mostreligionsarepassive,andtheytelluschieflywhatweshouldnotdo。\"Thedoctormovedrestlessly,andhiseyeshuntedforsomethingalongtheoppositewall:\"Seehere,mygirl,takeouttheyearsofearlychildhoodandthetimewespendinsleepanddulloldage,andweonlyhaveabouttwentyable,wakingyears。That’snotlongenoughtogetacquaintedwithhalfthefinethingsthathavebeendoneintheworld,muchlesstodoanythingourselves。IthinkweoughttokeeptheCommandmentsandhelpotherpeopleallwecan;butthemainthingistolivethose twentysplendidyears;todoallwecanandenjoyallwecan。\" Dr。Archiemethislittlefriend’ssearchinggaze,thelookofacuteinquirywhichalwaystouchedhim。 \"Butpoorfellowslikethattramp——\"shehesitatedandwrinkledherforehead。 Thedoctorleanedforwardandputhishandprotect— inglyoverhers,whichlayclenchedonthegreenfeltdesk— top。\"Uglyaccidentshappen,Thea;alwayshaveandalwayswill。Butthefailuresaresweptbackintothepileandforgotten。Theydon’tleaveanylastingscarintheworld,andtheydon’taffectthefuture。Thethingsthatlastarethegoodthings。Thepeoplewhoforgeaheadanddosomething,theyreallycount。\"Hesawtearsonhercheeks,andherememberedthathehadneverseenhercrybefore,notevenwhenshecrushedherfingerwhenshewaslittle。Heroseandwalkedtothewindow,camebackandsatdownontheedgeofhischair。 \"Forgetthetramp,Thea。Thisisagreatbigworld,andIwantyoutogetaboutandseeitall。You’regoingtoChicagosomeday,anddosomethingwiththatfinevoiceofyours。You’regoingtobeanumberonemusicianandmakeusproudofyou。TakeMaryAnderson,now;eventhetrampsareproudofher。Thereisn’tatrampalongthe`Q’ systemwhohasn’theardofher。Wealllikepeoplewhodothings,evenifweonlyseetheirfacesonacigar—boxlid。\" Theyhadalongtalk。TheafeltthatDr。Archiehadneverlethimselfouttohersomuchbefore。Itwasthemostgrown—upconversationshehadeverhadwithhim。 Shelefthisofficehappy,flatteredandstimulated。Sheranforalongwhileaboutthewhite,moonlitstreets,lookingupatthestarsandthebluishnight,atthequiethousessunkinblackshade,theglitteringsandhills。Shelovedthefamiliartrees,andthepeopleinthoselittlehouses,andshelovedtheunknownworldbeyondDenver。Shefeltasifshewerebeingpulledintwo,betweenthedesiretogo awayforeverandthedesiretostayforever。Shehadonlytwentyyears——notimetolose。 ManyanightthatsummersheleftDr。Archie’sofficewithadesiretorunandrunaboutthosequietstreetsuntilsheworeouthershoes,orworeoutthestreetsthemselves; whenherchestachedanditseemedasifherheartwerespreadingalloverthedesert。Whenshewenthome,itwasnottogotosleep。Sheusedtodraghermattressbesideherlowwindowandlieawakeforalongwhile,vibratingwithexcitement,asamachinevibratesfromspeed。Liferushedinuponherthroughthatwindow——orsoitseemed。 Inreality,ofcourse,liferushesfromwithin,notfromwith— out。Thereisnoworkofartsobigorsobeautifulthatitwasnotonceallcontainedinsomeyouthfulbody,likethisonewhichlayonthefloorinthemoonlight,pulsingwithardorandanticipation。ItwasonsuchnightsthatTheaKronborglearnedthethingthatoldDumasmeantwhenhetoldtheRomanticiststhattomakeadramaheneededbutonepassionandfourwalls。 XIX Itiswellforitspeaceofmindthatthetravelingpublictakesrailroadssomuchforgranted。Theonlymenwhoareincurablynervousaboutrailwaytravelaretherailroadoperatives。Arailroadmanneverforgetsthatthenextrunmaybehisturn。 Onasingle—trackroad,likethatuponwhichRayKen— nedyworked,thefreighttrainsmaketheirwayasbesttheycanbetweenpassengertrains。Evenwhenthereissuchathingasafreighttime—schedule,itismerelyaform。Alongtheonetrackdozensoffastandslowtrainsdashinbothdirections,keptfromcollisiononlybythebrainsinthedispatcher’soffice。Ifonepassengertrainislate,thewholeschedulemustberevisedinaninstant;thetrainsfollowingmustbewarned,andthosemovingtowardthebelatedtrainmustbeassignednewmeeting—places。 Betweentheshiftsandmodificationsofthepassengerschedule,thefreighttrainsplayagameoftheirown。Theyhavenorighttothetrackatanygiventime,butaresup— posedtobeonitwhenitisfree,andtomakethebesttimetheycanbetweenpassengertrains。Afreighttrain,onasingle—trackroad,getsanywhereatallonlybystealingbases。 RayKennedyhadstucktothefreightservice,althoughhehadhadopportunitiestogointothepassengerserviceathigherpay。Healwaysregardedrailroadingasatempo— rarymakeshift,untilhe\"gotintosomething,\"andhedis— likedthepassengerservice。Nobrassbuttonsforhim,hesaid;toomuchlikealivery。Whilehewasrailroadinghewouldwearajumper,thankyou! Thewreckthat\"caught\"Raywasaverycommonplaceone;nothingthrillingaboutit,anditgotonlysixlinesin theDenverpapers。Ithappenedaboutdaybreakonemorning,onlythirty—twomilesfromhome。 Atfouro’clockinthemorningRay’strainhadstoppedtotakewateratSaxony,havingjustroundedthelongcurvewhichliessouthofthatstation。ItwasJoeGiddy’sbusinesstowalkbackalongthecurveaboutthreehundredyardsandputouttorpedoestowarnanytrainwhichmightbecomingupfrombehind——afreightcrewisnotnotifiedoftrainsfollowing,andthebrakemanissupposedtoprotecthistrain。Raywassofussyaboutthepunctiliousobserv— anceofordersthatalmostanybrakemanwouldtakeachanceonceinawhile,fromnaturalperversity。 Whenthetrainstoppedforwaterthatmorning,Raywasatthedeskinhiscaboose,makingouthisreport。 Giddytookhistorpedoes,swungofftherearplatform,andglancedbackatthecurve。Hedecidedthathewouldnotgobacktoflagthistime。Ifanythingwascomingupbe— hind,hecouldhearitinplentyoftime。Soheranforwardtolookafterahotjournalthathadbeenbotheringhim。 Inageneralway,Giddy’sreasoningwassound。Ifafreighttrain,orevenapassengertrain,hadbeencomingupbehindthem,hecouldhavehearditintime。Butasithappened,alightengine,whichmadenonoiseatall,wascoming,—— orderedouttohelpwiththefreightthatwaspilingupattheotherendofthedivision。Thisenginegotnowarning,cameroundthecurve,struckthecaboose,wentstraightthroughit,andcrashedintotheheavylumbercarahead。 TheKronborgswerejustsittingdowntobreakfast,whenthenighttelegraphoperatordashedintotheyardatarunandhammeredonthefrontdoor。Gunneransweredtheknock,andthetelegraphoperatortoldhimhewantedtoseehisfatheraminute,quick。Mr。Kronborgappearedatthedoor,napkininhand。Theoperatorwaspaleandpanting。 \"FourteenwaswreckeddownatSaxonythismorning,\" heshouted,\"andKennedy’sallbrokeup。We’resendinganenginedownwiththedoctor,andtheoperatoratSaxonysaysKennedywantsyoutocomealongwithusandbringyourgirl。\"Hestoppedforbreath。 Mr。Kronborgtookoffhisglassesandbeganrubbingthemwithhisnapkin。 \"Bring——Idon’tunderstand,\"hemuttered。\"Howdidthishappen?\" \"Notimeforthat,sir。Gettingtheengineoutnow。 Yourgirl,Thea。You’llsurelydothatforthepoorchap。 Everybodyknowshethinkstheworldofher。\"SeeingthatMr。Kronborgshowednoindicationofhavingmadeuphismind,theoperatorturnedtoGunner。\"Callyoursister,kid。I’mgoingtoaskthegirlherself,\"heblurtedout。 \"Yes,yes,certainly。Daughter,\"Mr。Kronborgcalled。 Hehadsomewhatrecoveredhimselfandreachedtothehallhatrackforhishat。 JustasTheacameoutonthefrontporch,beforetheoperatorhadhadtimetoexplaintoher,Dr。Archie’sponiescameuptothegateatabrisktrot。Archiejumpedoutthemomenthisdriverstoppedtheteamandcameuptothebewilderedgirlwithoutsomuchassayinggood—morn— ingtoanyone。Hetookherhandwiththesympathetic,reassuringgravenesswhichhadhelpedheratmorethanonehardtimeinherlife。\"Getyourhat,mygirl。Ken— nedy’shurtdowntheroad,andhewantsyoutorundownwithme。They’llhaveacarforus。Getintomybuggy,Mr。Kronborg。I’lldriveyoudown,andLarrycancomefortheteam。\" ThedriverjumpedoutofthebuggyandMr。Kronborgandthedoctorgotin。Thea,stillbewildered,satonherfa— ther’sknee。Dr。Archiegavehisponiesasmartcutwiththewhip。 Whentheyreachedthedepot,theengine,withonecarattached,wasstandingonthemaintrack。Theengineerhadgothissteamup,andwasleaningoutofthecabim— patiently。Inamomenttheywereoff。TheruntoSaxonytookfortyminutes。TheasatstillinherseatwhileDr。 Archieandherfathertalkedaboutthewreck。Shetooknopartintheconversationandaskednoquestions,butoccasionallyshelookedatDr。Archiewithafrightened,inquiringglance,whichheansweredbyanencouragingnod。NeitherhenorherfathersaidanythingabouthowbadlyRaywashurt。WhentheenginestoppednearSaxony,themaintrackwasalreadycleared。Astheygotoutofthecar,Dr。Archiepointedtoapileofties。 \"Thea,you’dbettersitdownhereandwatchthewreckcrewwhileyourfatherandIgoupandlookKennedyover。 I’llcomebackforyouwhenIgethimfixedup。\" Thetwomenwentoffupthesandgulch,andTheasatdownandlookedatthepileofsplinteredwoodandtwistedironthathadlatelybeenRay’scaboose。Shewasfright— enedandabsent—minded。ShefeltthatsheoughttobethinkingaboutRay,buthermindkeptracingofftoallsortsoftrivialandirrelevantthings。ShewonderedwhetherGraceJohnsonwouldbefuriouswhenshecametotakehermusiclessonandfoundnobodytheretogiveittoher; whethershehadforgottentoclosethepianolastnightandwhetherThorwouldgetintothenewroomandmessthekeysallupwithhisstickyfingers;whetherTilliewouldgoupstairsandmakeherbedforher。Hermindworkedfast,butshecouldfixituponnothing。Thegrasshoppers,thelizards,distractedherattentionandseemedmorerealtoherthanpoorRay。 OntheirwaytothesandbankwhereRayhadbeencar— ried,Dr。ArchieandMr。KronborgmettheSaxonydoctor。 Heshookhandswiththem。 \"Nothingyoucando,doctor。Icouldn’tcountthefractures。Hisback’sbroken,too。Hewouldn’tbealivenowifheweren’tsoconfoundedlystrong,poorchap。Nousebotheringhim。I’vegivenhimmorphia,oneandahalf,ineighths。\" Dr。Archiehurriedon。Raywaslyingonaflatcanvaslitter,undertheshelterofashelvingbank,lightlyshadedbyaslendercottonwoodtree。Whenthedoctorandthepreacherapproached,helookedatthemintently。 \"Didn’t——\"heclosedhiseyestohidehisbitterdisap— pointment。 Dr。Archieknewwhatwasthematter。\"Thea’sbackthere,Ray。I’llbringherassoonasI’vehadalookatyou。\" Raylookedup。\"Youmightcleanmeupatrifle,doc。 Won’tneedyouforanythingelse,thankyouallthesame。\" Howeverlittletherewasleftofhim,thatlittlewascer— tainlyRayKennedy。Hispersonalitywasaspositiveasever,andthebloodanddirtonhisfaceseemedmerelyaccidental,tohavenothingtodowiththemanhimself。 Dr。ArchietoldMr。Kronborgtobringapailofwater,andhebegantospongeRay’sfaceandneck。Mr。Kronborgstoodby,nervouslyrubbinghishandstogetherandtryingtothinkofsomethingtosay。Serioussituationsalwaysembarrassedhimandmadehimformal,evenwhenhefeltrealsympathy。 \"Intimeslikethis,Ray,\"hebroughtoutatlast,crum— plinguphishandkerchiefinhislongfingers,——\"intimeslikethis,wedon’twanttoforgettheFriendthatstickethcloserthanabrother。\" Raylookedupathim;alonely,disconsolatesmileplayedoverhismouthandhissquarecheeks。\"Nevermindaboutallthat,PADRE,\"hesaidquietly。\"Christandmefelloutlongago。\" Therewasamomentofsilence。ThenRaytookpityonMr。Kronborg’sembarrassment。\"Yougobackforthelittlegirl,PADRE。Iwantawordwiththedocinprivate。\" RaytalkedtoDr。Archieforafewmoments,thenstoppedsuddenly,withabroadsmile。Overthedoctor’sshoulderhesawTheacomingupthegulch,inherpinkchambraydress,carryinghersun—hatbythestrings。Suchayellowhead!Heoftentoldhimselfthathe\"wasper— fectlyfoolishaboutherhair。\"Thesightofher,coming,wentthroughhimsoftly,likethemorphia。\"Theresheis,\"hewhispered。\"Gettheoldpreacheroutoftheway,doc。Iwanttohavealittletalkwithher。\" Dr。Archielookedup。Theawashurryingandyethang— ingback。Shewasmorefrightenedthanhehadthoughtshewouldbe。Shehadgonewithhimtoseeverysickpeopleandhadalwaysbeensteadyandcalm。Asshecameup,shelookedattheground,andhecouldseethatshehadbeencrying。 RayKennedymadeanunsuccessfulefforttoputouthishand。\"Hello,littlekid,nothingtobeafraidof。DarnedifIdon’tbelievethey’vegoneandscaredyou!Nothingtocryabout。I’mthesameoldgoods,onlyalittledented。 Sitdownonmycoatthere,andkeepmecompany。I’vegottolaystillabit。\" Dr。ArchieandMr。Kronborgdisappeared。Theacastatimidglanceafterthem,butshesatdownresolutelyandtookRay’shand。 \"Youain’tscarednow,areyou?\"heaskedaffection— ately。\"Youwerearegularbricktocome,Thee。Didyougetanybreakfast?\" \"No,Ray,I’mnotscared。OnlyI’mdreadfulsorryyou’rehurt,andIcan’thelpcrying。\" Hisbroad,earnestface,languidfromtheopiumandsmilingwithsuchsimplehappiness,reassuredher。Shedrewnearertohimandliftedhishandtoherknee。Helookedatherwithhisclear,shallowblueeyes。Howhelovedeverythingaboutthatfaceandhead!Howmanynightsinhiscupola,lookingupthetrack,hehadseenthatfaceinthedarkness;throughthesleetandsnow,orinthesoftblueairwhenthemoonlightsleptonthedesert。 \"Youneedn’tbothertotalk,Thee。Thedoctor’smedi— cinemakesmesortofdopey。Butit’snicetohavecom— pany。Kindofcozy,don’tyouthink?Pullmycoatunderyoumore。It’sadarnedshameIcan’twaitonyou。\" \"No,no,Ray。I’mallright。Yes,Ilikeithere。AndI guessyououghtnottotalkmuch,oughtyou?Ifyoucansleep,I’llstayrighthere,andbeawfulquiet。Ifeeljustasmuchathomewithyouasever,now。\" Thatsimple,humble,faithfulsomethinginRay’seyeswentstraighttoThea’sheart。Shedidfeelcomfortablewithhim,andhappytogivehimsomuchhappiness。Itwasthefirsttimeshehadeverbeenconsciousofthatpowertobestowintensehappinessbysimplybeingnearanyone。 Shealwaysrememberedthisdayasthebeginningofthatknowledge。Shebentoverhimandputherlipssoftlytohischeek。 Ray’seyesfilledwithlight。\"Oh,dothatagain,kid!\" hesaidimpulsively。Theakissedhimontheforehead,blushingfaintly。Rayheldherhandfastandclosedhiseyeswithadeepsighofhappiness。Themorphiaandthesenseofhernearnessfilledhimwithcontent。Thegoldmine,theoilwell,thecopperledge——allpipedreams,hemused,andthiswasadream,too。Hemighthaveknownitbefore。 Ithadalwaysbeenlikethat;thethingsheadmiredhadalwaysbeenawayoutofhisreach:acollegeeducation,agentleman’smanner,anEnglishman’saccent——thingsoverhishead。AndTheawasfartheroutofhisreachthanalltherestputtogether。Hehadbeenafooltoimagineit,buthewasgladhehadbeenafool。Shehadgivenhimonegranddream。Everymileofhisrun,fromMoonstonetoDenver,waspaintedwiththecolorsofthathope。Everycactusknewaboutit。Butnowthatitwasnottobe,heknewthetruth。Theawasnevermeantforanyroughfellowlikehim——hadn’thereallyknownthatallalong,heaskedhimself?Shewasn’tmeantforcommonmen。Shewaslikeweddingcake,athingtodreamon。Heraisedhiseye— lidsalittle。Shewasstrokinghishandandlookingoffintothedistance。HefeltinherfacethatlookofunconsciouspowerthatWunschhadseenthere。Yes,shewasboundforthebigterminalsoftheworld;nowaystationsforher。His lidsdrooped。Inthedarkhecouldseeherasshewouldbeafterawhile;inaboxattheTaborGrandinDenver,withdiamondsonherneckandatiarainheryellowhair,withallthepeoplelookingatherthroughtheiropera—glasses,andaUnitedStatesSenator,maybe,talkingtoher。\"Thenyou’llrememberme!\"Heopenedhiseyes,andtheywerefulloftears。 Thealeanedcloser。\"Whatdidyousay,Ray?Icouldn’thear。\" \"Thenyou’llrememberme,\"hewhispered。 Thesparkinhiseye,whichisone’sveryself,caughtthesparkinhersthatwasherself,andforamomenttheylookedintoeachother’snatures。Thearealizedhowgoodandhowgreat—heartedhewas,andherealizedabouthermanythings。Whenthatelusivesparkofpersonalityre— treatedineachofthem,Theastillsawinhisweteyesherownface,verysmall,butmuchprettierthanthecrackedglassathomehadevershownit。Itwasthefirsttimeshehadseenherfaceinthatkindestmirrorawomancaneverfind。 RayhadfeltthingsinthatmomentwhenheseemedtobelookingintotheverysoulofTheaKronborg。Yes,thegoldmine,theoilwell,thecopperledge,they’dallgotawayfromhim,asthingswill;buthe’dbackedawinneronceinhislife!Withallhismighthegavehisfaithtothebroadlittlehandheheld。Hewishedhecouldleavehertheruggedstrengthofhisbodytohelpherthroughwithitall。Hewouldhavelikedtotellheralittleabouthisolddream,——thereseemedlongyearsbetweenhimandital— ready,——buttotellhernowwouldsomehowbeunfair; wouldn’tbequitethestraightestthingintheworld。 Probablysheknew,anyway。Helookedupquickly。\"Youknow,don’tyou,Thee,thatIthinkyouarejustthefinestthingI’vestruckinthisworld?\" ThetearsrandownThea’scheeks。\"You’retoogoodtome,Ray。You’realottoogoodtome,\"shefaltered。 \"Why,kid,\"hemurmured,\"everybodyinthisworld’sgoingtobegoodtoyou!\" Dr。Archiecametothegulchandstoodoverhispatient。 \"How’sitgoing?\" \"Can’tyougivemeanotherpunchwithyourpacifier,doc?Thelittlegirlhadbetterrunalongnow。\"Rayre— leasedThea’shand。\"Seeyoulater,Thee。\" Shegotupandmovedawayaimlessly,carryingherhatbythestrings。Raylookedafterherwiththeexaltationbornofbodilypainandsaidbetweenhisteeth,\"Alwayslookafterthatgirl,doc。She’saqueen!\" TheaandherfatherwentbacktoMoonstoneontheone—o’clockpassenger。Dr。ArchiestayedwithRayKen— nedyuntilhedied,lateintheafternoon。 XX OnMondaymorning,thedayafterRayKennedy’sfuneral,Dr。ArchiecalledatMr。Kronborg’sstudy,alittleroombehindthechurch。Mr。Kronborgdidnotwriteouthissermons,butspokefromnotesjotteduponsmallpiecesofcardboardinakindofshorthandofhisown。 Assermonsgo,theywerenotworsethanmost。Hiscon— ventionalrhetoricpleasedthemajorityofhiscongregation,andMr。Kronborgwasgenerallyregardedasamodelpreacher。Hedidnotsmoke,henevertouchedspirits。Hisindulgenceinthepleasuresofthetablewasanendearingbondbetweenhimandthewomenofhiscongregation。 Heateenormously,withazestwhichseemedincongruouswithhisspareframe。 Thismorningthedoctorfoundhimopeninghismailandreadingapileofadvertisingcircularswithdeepattention。 \"Good—morning,Mr。Kronborg,\"saidDr。Archie,sit— tingdown。\"Icametoseeyouonbusiness。PoorKennedyaskedmetolookafterhisaffairsforhim。Likemostrail— roadmenhespenthiswages,exceptforafewinvest— mentsinmineswhichdon’tlooktomeverypromising。 ButhislifewasinsuredforsixhundreddollarsinThea’sfavor。\" Mr。Kronborgwoundhisfeetaboutthestandardofhisdesk—chair。\"Iassureyou,doctor,thisisacompletesur— prisetome。\" \"Well,it’snotverysurprisingtome,\"Dr。Archiewenton。\"Hetalkedtomeaboutitthedayhewashurt。Hesaidhewantedthemoneytobeusedinaparticularway,andinnoother。\"Dr。Archiepausedmeaningly。 Mr。Kronborgfidgeted。\"IamsureTheawouldobservehiswishesineveryrespect。\" \"Nodoubt;buthewantedmetoseethatyouagreedtohisplan。ItseemsthatforsometimeTheahaswantedtogoawaytostudymusic。ItwasKennedy’swishthatsheshouldtakethismoneyandgotoChicagothiswinter。Hefeltthatitwouldbeanadvantagetoherinabusinessway: thatevenifshecamebackheretoteach,itwouldgivehermoreauthorityandmakeherpositionheremorecom— fortable。\" Mr。Kronborglookedalittlestartled。\"Sheisveryyoung,\"hehesitated;\"sheisbarelyseventeen。Chicagoisalongwayfromhome。Wewouldhavetoconsider。I think,Dr。Archie,wehadbetterconsultMrs。Kronborg。\" \"IthinkIcanbringMrs。Kronborgaround,ifIhaveyourconsent。I’vealwaysfoundherprettylevel—headed。 IhaveseveraloldclassmatespracticinginChicago。Oneisathroatspecialist。Hehasagooddealtodowithsingers。 Heprobablyknowsthebestpianoteachersandcouldre— commendaboarding—housewheremusicstudentsstay。I thinkTheaneedstogetamongalotofyoungpeoplewhoarecleverlikeherself。Hereshehasnocompanionsbutoldfellowslikeme。It’snotanaturallifeforayounggirl。