第30章

类别:其他 作者:Willa Cather字数:9420更新时间:19/01/07 15:03:41
\"Ofcourse,\"thedoctorapologized,\"youknowsomuchmoreaboutsuchthings。I’mafraiditwillberatherwastedonme。I’mnojudgeofmusic。\" \"Nevermindthat。\"Theyoungermanpulledhimselfupinhischair。\"Shegetsitacrosstopeoplewhoaren’tjudges。That’sjustwhatshedoes。\"Herelapsedintohisformerlassitude。\"Ifyouwerestonedeaf,itwouldn’tallbewasted。It’sagreatdealtowatchher。Incidentally,youknow,sheisverybeautiful。Photographsgiveyounoidea。\" Dr。Archieclaspedhislargehandsunderhischin。\"Oh,I’mcountingonthat。Idon’tsupposehervoicewillsoundnaturaltome。ProbablyIwouldn’tknowit。\" Ottenburgsmiled。\"You’llknowit,ifyoueverknewit。 It’sthesamevoice,onlymoreso。You’llknowit。\" \"Didyou,inGermanythattime,whenyouwroteme? Sevenyearsago,now。Thatmusthavebeenattheverybeginning。\" \"Yes,somewherenearthebeginning。ShesangoneoftheRhinedaughters。\"Fredpausedanddrewhimselfupagain。\"Sure,Iknewitfromthefirstnote。I’dheardagoodmanyyoungvoicescomeupoutoftheRhine,but,bygracious,Ihadn’theardonelikethat!\"Hefumbledforanothercigarette。\"Mahlerwasconductingthatnight。 Imethimashewasleavingthehouseandhadawordwithhim。`Interestingvoiceyoutriedoutthisevening,’I said。Hestoppedandsmiled。`MissKronborg,youmean? Yes,very。Sheseemstosingfortheidea。Unusualinayoungsinger。’I’dneverheardhimadmitbeforethatasingercouldhaveanidea。Shenotonlyhadit,butshegotitacross。TheRhinemusic,thatI’dknownsinceIwasaboy,wasfreshtome,vocalizedforthefirsttime。Yourealizedthatshewasbeginningthatlongstory,adequately,withtheendinview。Everyphraseshesangwasbasic。 ShesimplyWAStheideaoftheRhinemusic。\"Ottenburgroseandstoodwithhisbacktothefire。\"Andattheend,whereyoudon’tseethemaidensatall,thesamethingagain:twoprettyvoicesANDtheRhinevoice。\"Fredsnappedhisfingersanddroppedhishand。 Thedoctorlookedupathimenviously。\"Yousee,allthatwouldbelostonme,\"hesaidmodestly。\"Idon’tknowthedreamnortheinterpretationthereof。I’moutofit。It’stoobadthatsofewofheroldfriendscanappreciateher。\" \"Takeatryatit,\"Fredencouragedhim。\"You’llgetindeeperthanyoucanexplaintoyourself。Peoplewithnopersonalinterestdothat。\" \"Isuppose,\"saidArchiediffidently,\"thatcollegeGer— man,gonetoseed,wouldn’thelpmeoutmuch。IusedtobeabletomakemyGermanpatientsunderstandme。\" \"Sureitwould!\"criedOttenburgheartily。\"Don’tbe aboveknowingyourlibretto。That’sallverywellformusicians,butcommonmortalslikeyouandmehavegottoknowwhatshe’ssingingabout。Getoutyourdictionaryandgoatitasyouwouldatanyotherproposition。Herdictionisbeautiful,andifyouknowthetextyou’llgetagreatdeal。Solongasyou’regoingtohearher,getallthat’scomingtoyou。YoubetinGermanypeopleknowtheirlibrettosbyheart!YouAmericansaresoafraidofstoopingtolearnanything。\" \"IAMalittleashamed,\"Archieadmitted。\"Iguessthat’sthewaywemaskourgeneralignorance。However,I’llstoopthistime;I’mmoreashamednottobeabletofollowher。Thepapersalwayssayshe’ssuchafineac— tress。\"Hetookupthetongsandbegantorearrangethelogsthathadburnedthroughandfallenapart。\"Isupposeshehaschangedagreatdeal?\"heaskedabsently。 \"We’veallchanged,mydearArchie,——shemorethanmostofus。Yes,andno。She’sallthere,onlythere’sagreatdealmoreofher。I’vehadonlyafewwordswithherinseveralyears。It’sbetternot,whenI’mtiedupthisway。Thelawsarebarbarous,Archie。\" \"Yourwifeis——stillthesame?\"thedoctoraskedsympathetically。 \"Absolutely。Hasn’tbeenoutofasanitariumforsevenyearsnow。Noprospectofhereverbeingout,andaslongasshe’sthereI’mtiedhandandfoot。Whatdoessocietygetoutofsuchastateofthings,I’dliketoknow,exceptatangleofirregularities?Ifyouwanttoreform,there’sanopeningforyou!\" \"It’sbad,oh,verybad;Iagreewithyou!\"Dr。Archieshookhishead。\"Buttherewouldbecomplicationsunderanothersystem,too。Thewholequestionofayoungman’smarryinghaslookedprettygravetomeforalongwhile。 Howhavetheythecouragetokeepondoingit?Itde— pressesmenowtobuyweddingpresents。\"Forsometimethedoctorwatchedhisguest,whowassunkinbitterreflec— tions。\"Suchthingsusedtogobetterthantheydonow,Ibelieve。SeemstomeallthemarriedpeopleIknewwhenIwasaboywerehappyenough。\"Hepausedagainandbittheendoffafreshcigar。\"YouneversawThea’smother,didyou,Ottenburg?That’sapity。Mrs。Kronborgwasafinewoman。I’vealwaysbeenafraidTheamadeamistake,notcominghomewhenMrs。Kronborgwasill,nomatterwhatitcosther。\" Ottenburgmovedaboutrestlessly。\"Shecouldn’t,Archie,shepositivelycouldn’t。Ifeltyouneverunder— stoodthat,butIwasinDresdenatthetime,andthoughIwasn’tseeingmuchofher,Icouldsizeupthesituationformyself。ItwasbyjustaluckychancethatshegottosingELIZABETHthattimeattheDresdenOpera,acomplica— tionofcircumstances。Ifshe’drunaway,foranyreason,shemighthavewaitedyearsforsuchachancetocomeagain。Shegaveawonderfulperformanceandmadeagreatimpression。Theyofferedhercertainterms;shehadtotakethemandfollowitupthenandthere。Inthatgameyoucan’tloseasingletrick。Shewasillherself,butshesang。Hermotherwasill,andshesang。No,youmustn’tholdthatagainsther,Archie。Shedidtherightthingthere。\"Ottenburgdrewouthiswatch。\"Hello!Imustbetraveling。Youhearfromherregularly?\" \"Moreorlessregularly。Shewasnevermuchofaletter— writer。Shetellsmeaboutherengagementsandcontracts,butIknowsolittleaboutthatbusinessthatitdoesn’tmeanmuchtomebeyondthefigures,whichseemveryimpressive。We’vehadagooddealofbusinesscorrespond— ence,aboutputtingupastonetoherfatherandmother,and,lately,aboutheryoungestbrother,Thor。Heiswithmenow;hedrivesmycar。To—dayhe’supatthemine。\" Ottenburg,whohadpickeduphisovercoat,droppedit。 \"Drivesyourcar?\"heaskedincredulously。 \"Yes。TheaandIhavehadagooddealofbotheraboutThor。Wetriedabusinesscollege,andanengineering school,butitwasnogood。Thorwasbornachauffeurbeforetherewerecarstodrive。Hewasnevergoodforany— thingelse;layaroundhomeandcollectedpostagestampsandtookbicyclestopieces,waitingfortheautomobiletobeinvented。He’sjustasmuchapartofacarasthesteer— ing—gear。Ican’tfindoutwhetherhelikeshisjobwithmeornot,orwhetherhefeelsanycuriosityabouthissister。Youcan’tfindanythingoutfromaKronborgnowadays。Themotherwasdifferent。\" Fredplungedintohiscoat。\"Well,it’saqueerworld,Archie。Butyou’llthinkbetterofit,ifyougotoNewYork。WishIweregoingwithyou。I’lldropinonyouinthemorningatabouteleven。IwantawordwithyouaboutthisInterstateCommerceBill。Good—night。\" Dr。Archiesawhisguesttothemotorwhichwaswaitingbelow,andthenwentbacktohislibrary,wherehereplen— ishedthefireandsatdownforalongsmoke。AmanofArchie’smodestandrathercredulousnaturedevelopslate,andmakeshislargestgainbetweenfortyandfifty。Atthirty,indeed,aswehaveseen,Archiewasasoft—heartedboyunderamanlyexterior,stillwhistlingtokeepuphiscourage。Prosperityandlargeresponsibilities——aboveall,gettingfreeofpoorMrs。Archie——hadbroughtoutagooddealmorethanheknewwasinhim。Hewasthinkingto— nightashesatbeforethefire,inthecomforthelikedsowell,thatbutforluckychances,andluckyholesintheground,hewouldstillbeacountrypractitioner,readinghisoldbooksbyhisofficelamp。Andyet,hewasnotsofreshandenergeticasheoughttobe。Hewastiredofbusinessandofpolitics。Worsethanthat,hewastiredofthemenwithwhomhehadtodoandofthewomenwho,ashesaid,hadbeenkindtohim。Hefeltasifhewerestillhuntingforsomething,likeoldJasperFlight。Heknewthatthiswasanunbecomingandungratefulstateofmind,andhereproachedhimselfforit。Buthecouldnothelpwonderingwhyitwasthatlife,evenwhenitgavesomuch, afterallgavesolittle。Whatwasitthathehadexpectedandmissed?Whywashe,morethanhewasanythingelse,disappointed? Hefelltolookingbackoverhislifeandaskinghimselfwhichyearsofithewouldliketoliveoveragain,——justastheyhadbeen,——andtheywerenotmany。Hiscollegeyearshewouldliveagain,gladly。AfterthemtherewasnothinghewouldcaretorepeatuntilhecametoTheaKronborg。TherehadbeensomethingstirringaboutthoseyearsinMoonstone,whenhewasarestlessyoungmanonthevergeofbreakingintolargerenterprises,andwhenshewasarestlesschildonthevergeofgrowingupintosome— thingunknown。Herealizednowthatshehadcountedforagreatdealmoretohimthanheknewatthetime。Itwasacontinuoussortofrelationship。Hewasalwaysonthelookoutforherashewentaboutthetown,alwaysvaguelyexpectingherashesatinhisofficeatnight。HehadneveraskedhimselfthenifitwasstrangethatheshouldfindachildoftwelvethemostinterestingandcompanionablepersoninMoonstone。Ithadseemedapleasant,naturalkindofsolicitude。Heexplaineditthenbythefactthathehadnochildrenofhisown。Butnow,ashelookedbackatthoseyears,theotherinterestswerefadedandinani— mate。Thethoughtofthemwasheavy。ButwhereverhislifehadtouchedTheaKronborg’s,therewasstillalittlewarmthleft,alittlesparkle。Theirfriendshipseemedtorunoverthosediscontentedyearslikealeafypattern,stillbrightandfreshwhentheotherpatternshadfadedintothedullbackground。Theirwalksanddrivesandconfi— dences,thenighttheywatchedtherabbitinthemoon— light,——whywerethesethingsstirringtoremember? Wheneverhethoughtofthem,theyweredistinctlydif— ferentfromtheothermemoriesofhislife;alwaysseemedhumorous,gay,withalittlethrillofanticipationandmys— teryaboutthem。Theycamenearertobeingtendersecretsthananyothershepossessed。Nearerthananythingelse theycorrespondedtowhathehadhopedtofindintheworld,andhadnotfound。Itcameoverhimnowthattheunexpectedfavorsoffortune,nomatterhowdazzling,donotmeanverymuchtous。Theymayexciteordivertusforatime,butwhenwelookback,theonlythingswecher— isharethosewhichinsomewaymetouroriginalwant;thedesirewhichformedinusinearlyyouth,undirected,andofitsownaccord。 III FORthefirstfouryearsafterTheawenttoGermanythingswentonasusualwiththeKronborgfamily。 Mrs。Kronborg’slandinNebraskaincreasedinvalueandbroughtherinagoodrental。Thefamilydriftedintoaneasierwayofliving,halfwithoutrealizingit,asfamilieswill。ThenMr。Kronborg,whohadneverbeenill,diedsud— denlyofcanceroftheliver,andafterhisdeathMrs。 Kronborgwent,asherneighborssaid,intoadecline。 Hearingdiscouragingreportsofherfromthephysicianwhohadtakenoverhispractice,Dr。ArchiewentupfromDenvertoseeher。Hefoundherinbed,intheroomwherehehadmorethanonceattendedher,ahandsomewomanofsixtywithabodystillfirmandwhite,herhair,fadednowtoaverypaleprimrose,intwothickbraidsdownherback,hereyesclearandcalm。Whenthedoctorarrived,shewassittingupinherbed,knitting。Hefeltatoncehowgladshewastoseehim,buthesoongatheredthatshehadmadenodeterminationtogetwell。Shetoldhim,indeed,thatshecouldnotverywellgetalongwithoutMr。Kron— borg。Thedoctorlookedatherwithastonishment。Wasitpossiblethatshecouldmissthefoolisholdmansomuch? Heremindedherofherchildren。 \"Yes,\"shereplied;\"thechildrenareallverywell,buttheyarenotfather。Weweremarriedyoung。\" Thedoctorwatchedherwonderinglyasshewentonknitting,thinkinghowmuchshelookedlikeThea。Thedifferencewasoneofdegreeratherthanofkind。Thedaughterhadacompellingenthusiasm,themotherhadnone。Buttheirframework,theirfoundation,wasverymuchthesame。 InamomentMrs。Kronborgspokeagain。\"HaveyouheardanythingfromThealately?\" Duringhistalkwithher,thedoctorgatheredthatwhatMrs。KronborgreallywantedwastoseeherdaughterThea。 Lyingtheredayafterday,shewanteditcalmlyandcon— tinuously。Hetoldherthat,sinceshefeltso,hethoughttheymightaskTheatocomehome。 \"I’vethoughtagooddealaboutit,\"saidMrs。Kronborgslowly。\"Ihatetointerrupther,nowthatshe’sbeguntogetadvancement。Iexpectshe’sseensomeprettyhardtimes,thoughshewasneveronetocomplain。Perhapsshe’dfeelthatshewouldliketocome。Itwouldbehard,losingbothofuswhileshe’soffthere。\" WhenDr。ArchiegotbacktoDenverhewrotealonglettertoThea,explaininghermother’sconditionandhowmuchshewishedtoseeher,andaskingTheatocome,ifonlyforafewweeks。Theahadrepaidthemoneyshehadborrowedfromhim,andheassuredherthatifshehap— penedtobeshortoffundsforthejourney,shehadonlytocablehim。 AmonthlaterhegotafranticsortofreplyfromThea。 ComplicationsintheoperaatDresdenhadgivenheranunhoped—foropportunitytogooninabigpart。Beforethisletterreachedthedoctor,shewouldhavemadeherdebutasELIZABETH,in\"Tannhauser。\"Shewantedtogotohermothermorethanshewantedanythingelseintheworld,but,unlessshefailed,——whichshewouldnot,——sheabso— lutelycouldnotleaveDresdenforsixmonths。Itwasnotthatshechosetostay;shehadtostay——orloseevery— thing。Thenextfewmonthswouldputherfiveyearsahead,orwouldputherbacksofarthatitwouldbeofnousetostrugglefurther。Assoonasshewasfree,shewouldgotoMoonstoneandtakehermotherbacktoGermanywithher。Hermother,shewassure,couldliveforyearsyet,andshewouldlikeGermanpeopleandGermanways,andcouldbehearingmusicallthetime。Theasaidshewaswritinghermotherandbegginghertohelpheronelasttime;togetstrengthandtowaitforhersixmonths,and thenshe(Thea)woulddoeverything。Hermotherwouldneverhavetomakeaneffortagain。 Dr。ArchiewentuptoMoonstoneatonce。HehadgreatconfidenceinMrs。Kronborg’spowerofwill,andifThea’sappealtookholdofherenough,hebelievedshemightgetbetter。Butwhenhewasshownintothefamiliarroomofftheparlor,hisheartsank。Mrs。Kronborgwaslyingsereneandfatefulonherpillows。OnthedresseratthefootofherbedtherewasalargephotographofTheainthecharacterinwhichshewastomakeherdebut。Mrs。 Kronborgpointedtoit。 \"Isn’tshelovely,doctor?It’snicethatshehasn’tchangedmuch。I’veseenherlooklikethatmanyatime。\" TheytalkedforawhileaboutThea’sgoodfortune。Mrs。 Kronborghadhadacablegramsaying,\"Firstperformancewellreceived。Greatrelief。\"InherletterTheasaid;\"Ifyou’llonlygetbetter,dearmother,there’snothingIcan’tdo。Iwillmakeareallygreatsuccess,ifyou’lltrywithme。 Youshallhaveeverythingyouwant,andwewillalwaysbetogether。Ihavealittlehouseallpickedoutwherewearetolive。\" \"Bringingupafamilyisnotallit’scrackeduptobe,\" saidMrs。Kronborgwithaflickerofirony,asshetuckedtheletterbackunderherpillow。\"Thechildrenyoudon’tespeciallyneed,youhavealwayswithyou,likethepoor。 Butthebrightonesgetawayfromyou。Theyhavetheirownwaytomakeintheworld。Seemslikethebrightertheyare,thefarthertheygo。Iusedtofeelsorrythatyouhadnofamily,doctor,butmaybeyou’reaswelloff。\" \"Thea’splanseemssoundtome,Mrs。Kronborg。 There’snoreasonIcanseewhyyoushouldn’tpullupandliveforyearsyet,underpropercare。You’dhavethebestdoctorsintheworldoverthere,anditwouldbewon— derfultolivewithanybodywholookslikethat。\"Henoddedatthephotographoftheyoungwomanwhomusthavebeensinging\"DICH,THEUREHALLE,GRUSS’ICHWIEDER,\" hereyeslookingup,herbeautifulhandsoutspreadwithpleasure。 Mrs。Kronborglaughedquitecheerfully。\"Yes,wouldn’tit?Iffatherwerehere,Imightrousemyself。Butsometimesit’shardtocomeback。Orifshewereintrouble,maybeIcouldrousemyself。\" \"But,dearMrs。Kronborg,sheisintrouble,\"heroldfriendexpostulated。\"Asshesays,she’sneverneededyouassheneedsyounow。Imakemyguessthatshe’sneverbeggedanybodytohelpherbefore。\" Mrs。Kronborgsmiled。\"Yes,it’sprettyofher。Butthatwillpass。Whenthesethingshappenfarawaytheydon’tmakesuchamark;especiallyifyourhandsarefullandyou’vedutiesofyourowntothinkabout。MyownfatherdiedinNebraskawhenGunnerwasborn,——wewerelivinginIowathen,——andIwassorry,butthebabymadeituptome。Iwasfather’sfavorite,too。That’sthewayitgoes,yousee。\" ThedoctortookoutThea’slettertohim,andreaditovertoMrs。Kronborg。Sheseemedtolisten,andnottolisten。 Whenhefinished,shesaidthoughtfully:\"I’dcountedonhearinghersingagain。ButIalwaystookmypleasuresastheycome。Ialwaysenjoyedhersingingwhenshewashereaboutthehouse。WhileshewaspracticingIoftenusedtoleavemyworkandsitdowninarockerandgivemyselfuptoit,thesameasifI’dbeenatanentertainment。 Iwasneveroneofthesehousekeepersthatlettheirworkdrivethemtodeath。AndwhenshehadtheMexicansoverhere,Ialwaystookitin。Firstandlast,\"——sheglancedjudiciallyatthephotograph,——\"IguessIgotaboutasmuchoutofThea’svoiceasanybodywilleverget。\" \"Iguessyoudid!\"thedoctorassentedheartily;\"andI gotagooddealmyself。YourememberhowsheusedtosingthoseScotchsongsforme,andleaduswithherhead,herhairbobbing?\" \"`FlowGently,SweetAfton,’——Icanhearitnow,\" saidMrs。Kronborg;\"andpoorfatherneverknewwhenhesangsharp!Heusedtosay,`Mother,howdoyoualwaysknowwhentheymakemistakespracticing?’\"Mrs。Kron— borgchuckled。 Dr。Archietookherhand,stillfirmlikethehandofayoungwoman。\"Itwasluckyforherthatyoudidknow。 Ialwaysthoughtshegotmorefromyouthanfromanyofherteachers。\" \"ExceptWunsch;hewasarealmusician,\"saidMrs。 Kronborgrespectfully。\"IgaveherwhatchanceIcould,inacrowdedhouse。Ikepttheotherchildrenoutoftheparlorforher。ThatwasaboutallIcoulddo。Ifshewasn’tdisturbed,sheneedednowatching。Shewentafteritlikeaterrierafterratsfromthefirst,poorchild。Shewasdown— rightafraidofit。That’swhyIalwaysencouragedhertakingThorofftooutlandishplaces。Whenshewasoutofthehouse,thenshewasridofit。\" Aftertheyhadrecalledmanypleasantmemoriesto— gether,Mrs。Kronborgsaidsuddenly:\"Ialwaysunder— stoodabouthergoingoffwithoutcomingtoseeusthattime。Oh,Iknow!Youhadtokeepyourowncounsel。 Youwereagoodfriendtoher。I’veneverforgotthat。\" Shepattedthedoctor’ssleeveandwentonabsently。 \"Therewassomethingshedidn’twanttotellme,andthat’swhyshedidn’tcome。SomethinghappenedwhenshewaswiththosepeopleinMexico。Iworriedforagoodwhile,butIguessshe’scomeoutofitallright。She’dhadaprettyhardtime,scratchingalongalonelikethatwhenshewassoyoung,andmyfarmsinNebraskaweredownsolowthatIcouldn’thelphernone。That’snowaytosendagirlout。ButIguess,whatevertherewas,shewouldn’tbeafraidtotellmenow。\"Mrs。Kronborglookedupatthephotographwithasmile。\"Shedoesn’tlooklikeshewasbeholdingtoanybody,doesshe?\" \"Sheisn’t,Mrs。Kronborg。Sheneverhasbeen。Thatwaswhysheborrowedthemoneyfromme。\" \"Oh,Iknewshe’dneverhavesentforyouifshe’ddoneanythingtoshameus。Shewasalwaysproud。\"Mrs。 Kronborgpausedandturnedalittleonherside。\"It’sbeenquiteasatisfactiontoyouandme,doctor,havinghervoiceturnoutsofine。Thethingsyouhopefordon’talwaysturnoutlikethat,byalongsight。AslongasoldMrs。Kohlerlived,sheusedalwaystotranslatewhatitsaidaboutTheaintheGermanpapersshesent。Icouldmakesomeofitoutmyself,——it’snotverydifferentfromSwedish,——butitpleasedtheoldlady。SheleftTheaherpiece—pictureoftheburningofMoscow。I’vegotitputawayinmoth—ballsforher,alongwiththeoboehergrand— fatherbroughtfromSweden。Iwanthertotakefather’soboebacktheresomeday。\"Mrs。Kronborgpausedamomentandcompressedherlips。\"ButIguessshe’lltakeafinerinstrumentthanthatwithher,backtoSweden!\" sheadded。 Hertonefairlystartledthedoctor,itwassovibratingwithafierce,defiantkindofpridehehadheardofteninThea’svoice。Helookeddownwonderinglyathisoldfriendandpatient。Afterall,oneneverknewpeopletothecore。 Didshe,withinher,hidesomeofthatstillpassionofwhichherdaughterwasall—compact? \"Thatlastsummerathomewasn’tveryniceforher,\" Mrs。Kronborgbeganasplacidlyasifthefirehadneverleapedupinher。\"Theotherchildrenwereacting—upbecausetheythoughtImightmakeafussoverherandgiveherthebig—head。Wegaveherthedare,somehow,thelotofus,becausewecouldn’tunderstandherchangingteachersandallthat。That’sthetroubleaboutgivingthedaretothemquiet,unboastfulchildren;youneverknowhowfarit’lltake’em。Well,weoughtnottocomplain,doctor;she’sgivenusagooddealtothinkabout。\" ThenexttimeDr。ArchiecametoMoonstone,hecametobeapall—beareratMrs。Kronborg’sfuneral。Whenhe lastlookedather,shewassosereneandqueenlythathewentbacktoDenverfeelingalmostasifhehadhelpedtoburyTheaKronborgherself。ThehandsomeheadinthecoffinseemedtohimmuchmorereallyTheathandidtheradiantyoungwomaninthepicture,lookingaboutattheGothicvaultingsandgreetingtheHallofSong。