第34章

类别:其他 作者:Willa Cather字数:9355更新时间:19/01/07 15:03:41
Nobodyis。\"Herepeatedtheloveliestphrase。\"Howdoesshemanageit,Landry?You’veworkedwithher。\" Landrydrewcherishinglyonthelastcigarettehemeanttopermithimselfbeforesinging。\"Oh,it’saquestionofabigpersonality——andallthatgoeswithit。Brains,ofcourse。Imagination,ofcourse。Buttheimportantthingisthatshewasbornfullofcolor,witharichpersonality。 That’sagiftofthegods,likeafinenose。Youhaveit,oryouhaven’t。Againstit,intelligenceandmusicianshipandhabitsofindustrydon’tcountatall。Singersareaconventionalrace。WhenTheawasstudyinginBerlintheothergirlsweremortallyafraidofher。Shehasapretty roughhandwithwomen,dullones,andshecouldberude,too!ThegirlsusedtocallherDIEWOLFIN。\" Fredthrusthishandsintohispocketsandleanedbackagainstthepiano。\"Ofcourse,evenastupidwomancouldgeteffectswithsuchmachinery:suchavoiceandbodyandface。Buttheycouldn’tpossiblybelongtoastupidwoman,couldthey?\" Landryshookhishead。\"It’spersonality;that’sasnearasyoucancometoit。That’swhatconstitutesrealequip— ment。Whatshedoesisinterestingbecauseshedoesit。 Eventhethingsshediscardsaresuggestive。Iregretsomeofthem。Herconceptionsarecoloredinsomanydifferentways。You’veheardherELIZABETH?Wonderful,isn’tit? Shewasworkingonthatpartyearsagowhenhermotherwasill。Icouldseeheranxietyandgriefgettingmoreandmoreintothepart。Thelastactisheart—breaking。 It’sashomelyasacountryprayermeeting:mightbeanylonelywomangettingreadytodie。It’sfullofthethingeveryplaincreaturefindsoutforhimself,butthatnevergetswrittendown。It’sunconsciousmemory,maybe; inheritedmemory,likefolk—music。Icallitpersonality。\" Fredlaughed,andturningtothepianobegancoaxingtheFRICKAmusicagain。\"Callitanythingyoulike,myboy。Ihaveanameforitmyself,butIshan’ttellyou。\" HelookedoverhisshoulderatLandry,stretchedoutbythefire。\"Youhaveagreattimewatchingher,don’tyou?\" \"Oh,yes!\"repliedLandrysimply。\"I’mnotinterestedinmuchthatgoesoninNewYork。Now,ifyou’llexcuseme,I’llhavetodress。\"Herosewithareluctantsigh。 \"CanIgetyouanything?Somewhiskey?\" \"Thankyou,no。I’llamusemyselfhere。Idon’toftengetachanceatagoodpianowhenI’mawayfromhome。 Youhaven’thadthisonelong,haveyou?Action’sabitstiff。Isay,\"hestoppedLandryinthedoorway,\"hasTheaeverbeendownhere?\" Landryturnedback。\"Yes。ShecameseveraltimeswhenIhaderysipelas。Iwasanicemess,withtwonurses。Shebroughtdownsomeinsidewindow—boxes,plantedwithcrocusesandthings。Verycheering,onlyI couldn’tseethemorher。\" \"Didn’tshelikeyourplace?\" \"Shethoughtshedid,butIfancyitwasagooddealclutteredupforhertaste。Icouldhearherpacingaboutlikesomethinginacage。Shepushedthepianobackagainstthewallandthechairsintocorners,andshebrokemyamberelephant。\"Landrytookayellowobjectsomefourincheshighfromoneofhislowbookcases。\"Youcanseewherehislegisgluedon,——asouvenir。Yes,he’slemonamber,veryfine。\" LandrydisappearedbehindthecurtainsandinamomentFredheardthewheezeofanatomizer。Heputtheamberelephantonthepianobesidehimandseemedtogetagreatdealofamusementoutofthebeast。 IX WHENArchieandOttenburgdinedwithTheaonSaturdayevening,theywereserveddownstairsinthehoteldining—room,buttheyweretohavetheircoffeeinherownapartment。Astheyweregoingupintheele— vatorafterdinner,FredturnedsuddenlytoThea。\"Andwhy,please,didyoubreakLandry’samberelephant?\" Shelookedguiltyandbegantolaugh。\"Hasn’thegotoverthatyet?Ididn’treallymeantobreakit。Iwasper— hapscareless。Histhingsaresoover—pettedthatIwastemptedtobecarelesswithalotofthem。\" \"Howcanyoubesoheartless,whenthey’reallhehasintheworld?\" \"Hehasme。I’magreatdealofdiversionforhim;allheneeds。There,\"shesaidassheopenedthedoorintoherownhall,\"Ishouldn’thavesaidthatbeforetheelevatorboy。\" \"Evenanelevatorboycouldn’tmakeascandalaboutOliver。He’ssuchacatnipman。\" Dr。Archielaughed,butThea,whoseemedsuddenlytohavethoughtofsomethingannoying,repeatedblankly,\"Catnipman?\" \"Yes,helivesoncatnip,andrumtea。Buthe’snottheonlyone。YouarelikeaneccentricoldwomanIknowinBoston,whogoesaboutinthespringfeedingcatniptostreetcats。Youdispenseittoalotoffellows。Yourpullseemstobemorewithmenthanwithwomen,youknow; withseasonedmen,aboutmyage,orolder。EvenonFri— dayafternoonIkeptrunningintothem,oldboysIhadn’tseenforyears,thinatthepartandthickatthegirth,untilIstoodstillinthedraftandheldmyhairon。They’real— waysthere;Ihearthemtalkingaboutyouinthesmoking— room。Probablywedon’tgettothepointofapprehendinganythinggooduntilwe’reaboutforty。Then,inthelightofwhatisgoing,andofwhat,Godhelpus!iscoming,wearriveatunderstanding。\" \"Idon’tseewhypeoplegototheopera,anyway,——seri— ouspeople。\"Shespokediscontentedly。\"Isupposetheygetsomething,orthinktheydo。Here’sthecoffee。There,please,\"shedirectedthewaiter。Goingtothetableshebe— gantopourthecoffee,standing。Sheworeawhitedresstrimmedwithcrystalswhichhadrattledagooddealdur— ingdinner,asallhermovementshadbeenimpatientandnervous,andshehadtwistedthedarkvelvetroseathergirdleuntilitlookedrumpledandweary。Shepouredthecoffeeasifitwereaceremonyinwhichshedidnotbelieve。 \"CanyoumakeanythingofFred’snonsense,Dr。Archie?\" sheasked,ashecametotakehiscup。 Fredapproachedher。\"Mynonsenseisallright。Thesamebrandhasgonewithyoubefore。It’syouwhowon’tbejollied。What’sthematter?Youhavesomethingonyourmind。\" \"I’veagooddeal。Toomuchtobeanagreeablehos— tess。\"Sheturnedquicklyawayfromthecoffeeandsatdownonthepianobench,facingthetwomen。\"Foronething,there’sachangeinthecastforFridayafternoon。 They’regoingtoletmesingSIEGLINDE。\"Herfrowndidnotconcealthepleasurewithwhichshemadethisannounce— ment。 \"Areyougoingtokeepusdanglingabouthereforever,Thea?ArchieandIaresupposedtohaveotherthingstodo。\"Fredlookedatherwithanexcitementquiteasap— parentasherown。 \"HereI’vebeenreadytosingSIEGLINDEfortwoyears,keptintorment,andnowitcomesoffwithintwoweeks,justwhenIwanttobeseeingsomethingofDr。Archie。I don’tknowwhattheirplansaredownthere。AfterFridaytheymayletmecoolforseveralweeks,andtheymayrush me。IsupposeitdependssomewhatonhowthingsgoFri— dayafternoon。\" \"Oh,they’llgofastenough!That’sbettersuitedtoyourvoicethananythingyou’vesunghere。ThatgivesyoueveryopportunityI’vewaitedfor。\"Ottenburgcrossedtheroomandstandingbesideherbegantoplay\"DUBISTDERLENZ。\" WithaviolentmovementTheacaughthiswristsandpushedhishandsawayfromthekeys。 \"Fred,can’tyoubeserious?AthousandthingsmayhappenbetweenthisandFridaytoputmeout。Some— thingwillhappen。Ifthatpartweresungwell,aswellasitoughttobe,itwouldbeoneofthemostbeautifulthingsintheworld。That’swhyitneverissungright,andneverwillbe。\"Sheclenchedherhandsandopenedthemde— spairingly,lookingoutoftheopenwindow。\"It’sinac— cessiblybeautiful!\"shebroughtoutsharply。 FredandDr。Archiewatchedher。Inamomentsheturnedbacktothem。\"It’simpossibletosingapartlikethatwellforthefirsttime,exceptforthesortwhowillneversingitanybetter。Everythinghangsonthatfirstnight,andthat’sboundtobebad。Thereyouare,\"sheshruggedimpatiently。\"Foronething,theychangethecastattheeleventhhourandthenrehearsethelifeoutofme。\" Ottenburgputdownhiscupwithexaggeratedcare。 \"Still,youreallywanttodoit,youknow。\" \"Wantto?\"sherepeatedindignantly;\"ofcourseIwantto!IfthiswereonlynextThursdaynight——ButbetweennowandFridayI’lldonothingbutfretawaymystrength。 Oh,I’mnotsayingIdon’tneedtherehearsals!ButI don’tneedthemstrungoutthroughaweek。Thatsys— tem’swellenoughforphlegmaticsingers;itonlydrainsme。Everysinglefeatureofoperaticroutineisdetri— mentaltome。Iusuallygoonlikeahorsethat’sbeenfixedtolosearace。Ihavetoworkhardtodomyworst, letalonemybest。Iwishyoucouldhearmesingwell,once,\"sheturnedtoFreddefiantly;\"Ihave,afewtimesinmylife,whentherewasnothingtogainbyit。\" Fredapproachedheragainandheldouthishand。\"I recallmyinstructions,andnowI’llleaveyoutofightitoutwithArchie。Hecan’tpossiblyrepresentmanagerialstu— piditytoyouasIseemtohaveagiftfordoing。\" Ashesmileddownather,hisgoodhumor,hisgoodwishes,hisunderstanding,embarrassedherandrecalledhertoherself。Shekeptherseat,stillholdinghishand。 \"Allthesame,Fred,isn’tittoobad,thattherearesomanythings——\"Shebrokeoffwithashakeofthehead。 \"Mydeargirl,ifIcouldbridgeovertheagonybetweennowandFridayforyou——Butyouknowtherulesofthegame;whytormentyourself?Yousawtheothernightthatyouhadthepartunderyourthumb。Nowwalk,sleep,playwithArchie,keepyourtigerhungry,andshe’llspringallrightonFriday。I’llbetheretoseeher,andthere’llbemorethanI,Isuspect。Harsanyi’sontheWilhelmderGrosse;getsinonThursday。\" \"Harsanyi?\"Thea’seyelighted。\"Ihaven’tseenhimforyears。Wealwaysmisseachother。\"Shepaused,hesi— tating。\"Yes,Ishouldlikethat。Buthe’llbebusy,may— be?\" \"HegiveshisfirstconcertatCarnegieHall,weekafternext。Bettersendhimaboxifyoucan。\" \"Yes,I’llmanageit。\"Theatookhishandagain。\"Oh,Ishouldlikethat,Fred!\"sheaddedimpulsively。\"EvenifIwereputout,he’dgettheidea,\"——shethrewbackherhead,——\"forthereisanidea!\" \"Whichwon’tpenetratehere,\"hetappedhisbrowandbegantolaugh。\"Youareanungratefulhuzzy,COMMELES AUTRES!\" Theadetainedhimasheturnedaway。Shepulledafloweroutofabouquetonthepianoandabsentlydrewthestemthroughthelapelofhiscoat。\"Ishallbewalking intheParkto—morrowafternoon,onthereservoirpath,betweenfourandfive,ifyoucaretojoinme。YouknowthatafterHarsanyiI’dratherpleaseyouthananyoneelse。 Youknowalot,butheknowsevenmorethanyou。\" \"Thankyou。Don’ttrytoanalyzeit。SCHLAFENSIE WOHL!\"hekissedherfingersandwavedfromthedoor,closingitbehindhim。 \"He’stherightsort,Thea。\"Dr。Archielookedwarmlyafterhisdisappearingfriend。\"I’vealwayshopedyou’dmakeitupwithFred。\" \"Well,haven’tI?Oh,marryhim,youmean!Perhapsitmaycomeabout,someday。Justatpresenthe’snotinthemarriagemarketanymorethanIam,ishe?\" \"No,Isupposenot。It’sadamnedshamethatamanlikeOttenburgshouldbetiedupasheis,wastingallthebestyearsofhislife。Awomanwithgeneralparesisoughttobelegallydead。\" \"Don’tletustalkaboutFred’swife,please。Hehadnobusinesstogetintosuchamess,andhehadnobusinesstostayinit。He’salwaysbeenasoftywherewomenwereconcerned。\" \"Mostofusare,I’mafraid,\"Dr。Archieadmittedmeekly。 \"Toomuchlightinhere,isn’tthere?Tiresone’seyes。 Thestagelightsarehardonmine。\"Theabeganturningthemout。\"We’llleavethelittleone,overthepiano。\" ShesankdownbyArchieonthedeepsofa。\"Wetwohavesomuchtotalkaboutthatwekeepawayfromitaltogether; haveyounoticed?Wedon’tevennibbletheedges。IwishwehadLandryhereto—nighttoplayforus。He’sverycomforting。\" \"I’mafraidyoudon’thaveenoughpersonallife,outsideyourwork,Thea。\"Thedoctorlookedatheranxiously。 Shesmiledathimwithhereyeshalfclosed。\"Mydeardoctor,Idon’thaveany。Yourworkbecomesyourper— sonallife。Youarenotmuchgooduntilitdoes。It’slike beingwovenintoabigweb。Youcan’tpullaway,becauseallyourlittletendrilsarewovenintothepicture。Ittakesyouup,andusesyou,andspinsyouout;andthatisyourlife。Notmuchelsecanhappentoyou。\" \"Didn’tyouthinkofmarrying,severalyearsago?\" \"YoumeanNordquist?Yes;butIchangedmymind。 Wehadbeensingingagooddealtogether。He’sasplendidcreature。\" \"Wereyoumuchinlovewithhim,Thea?\"thedoctoraskedhopefully。 Shesmiledagain。\"Idon’tthinkIknowjustwhatthatexpressionmeans。I’veneverbeenabletofindout。I thinkIwasinlovewithyouwhenIwaslittle,butnotwithanyonesincethen。Thereareagreatmanywaysofcaringforpeople。It’snot,afterall,asimplestate,likemeaslesortonsilitis。Nordquistisatakingsortofman。 HeandIwereoutinarowboatonceinaterriblestorm。 Thelakewasfedbyglaciers,——icewater,——andwecouldn’thaveswumastrokeiftheboathadfilled。Ifwehadn’tbothbeenstrongandkeptourheads,we’dhavegonedown。Wepulledforeveryouncetherewasinus,andwejustgotoffwithourlives。Wewerealwaysbeingthrowntogetherlikethat,undersomekindofpressure。 Yes,forawhileIthoughthewouldmakeeverythingright。\"Shepausedandsankback,restingherheadonacushion,pressinghereyelidsdownwithherfingers。\"Yousee,\"shewentonabruptly,\"hehadawifeandtwochil— dren。Hehadn’tlivedwithherforseveralyears,butwhensheheardthathewantedtomarryagain,shebegantomaketrouble。Heearnedagooddealofmoney,buthewascarelessandalwayswretchedlyindebt。Hecametomeonedayandtoldmehethoughthiswifewouldsettleforahundredthousandmarksandconsenttoadivorce。 Igotveryangryandsenthimaway。Nextdayhecamebackandsaidhethoughtshe’dtakefiftythousand。\" Dr。Archiedrewawayfromher,totheendofthesofa。 \"GoodGod,Thea,\"——Heranhishandkerchiefoverhisforehead。\"Whatsortofpeople——\"Hestoppedandshookhishead。 Thearoseandstoodbesidehim,herhandonhisshoul— der。\"That’sexactlyhowitstruckme,\"shesaidquietly。 \"Oh,wehavethingsincommon,thingsthatgoawayback,undereverything。Youunderstand,ofcourse。Nordquistdidn’t。HethoughtIwasn’twillingtopartwiththemoney。Icouldn’tletmyselfbuyhimfromFruNord— quist,andhecouldn’tseewhy。HehadalwaysthoughtI wascloseaboutmoney,soheattributedittothat。Iamcareful,\"——sheranherarmthroughArchie’sandwhenherosebegantowalkabouttheroomwithhim。\"I can’tbecarelesswithmoney。Ibegantheworldonsixhundreddollars,anditwasthepriceofaman’slife。RayKennedyhadworkedhardandbeensoberanddeniedhim— self,andwhenhediedhehadsixhundreddollarstoshowforit。Ialwaysmeasurethingsbythatsixhundreddol— lars,justasImeasurehighbuildingsbytheMoonstonestandpipe。Therearestandardswecan’tgetawayfrom。\" Dr。Archietookherhand。\"Idon’tbelieveweshouldbeanyhappierifwedidgetawayfromthem。Ithinkitgivesyousomeofyourpoise,havingthatanchor。Youlook,\"glancingdownatherheadandshoulders,\"some— timessolikeyourmother。\" \"Thankyou。Youcouldn’tsayanythingnicertomethanthat。OnFridayafternoon,didn’tyouthink?\" \"Yes,butatothertimes,too。Ilovetoseeit。DoyouknowwhatIthoughtaboutthatfirstnightwhenIheardyousing?IkeptrememberingthenightItookcareofyouwhenyouhadpneumonia,whenyouweretenyearsold。 Youwereaterriblysickchild,andIwasacountrydoctorwithoutmuchexperience。Therewerenooxygentanksaboutthen。Youprettynearlyslippedawayfromme。 Ifyouhad——\" Theadroppedherheadonhisshoulder。\"I’dhave savedmyselfandyoualotoftrouble,wouldn’tI?DearDr。Archie!\"shemurmured。 \"Asforme,lifewouldhavebeenaprettybleakstretch,withyouleftout。\"Thedoctortookoneofthecrystalpendantsthathungfromhershoulderandlookedintoitthoughtfully。\"IguessI’maromanticoldfellow,under— neath。Andyou’vealwaysbeenmyromance。Thoseyearswhenyouweregrowingupweremyhappiest。WhenIdreamaboutyou,Ialwaysseeyouasalittlegirl。\" Theypausedbytheopenwindow。\"Doyou?Nearlyallmydreams,exceptthoseaboutbreakingdownonthestageormissingtrains,areaboutMoonstone。Youtellmetheoldhousehasbeenpulleddown,butitstandsinmymind,everystickandtimber。InmysleepIgoallaboutit,andlookintherightdrawersandcupboardsforeverything。IoftendreamthatI’mhuntingformyrub— bersinthatpileofovershoesthatwasalwaysunderthehatrackinthehall。Ipickupeveryovershoeandknowwhoseitis,butIcan’tfindmyown。ThentheschoolbellbeginstoringandIbegintocry。That’sthehouseIrestinwhenI’mtired。Alltheoldfurnitureandthewornspotsinthecarpet——itrestsmymindtogooverthem。\" Theywerelookingoutofthewindow。Theakepthisarm。Downontheriverfourbattleshipswereanchoredinline,brilliantlylighted,andlauncheswerecomingandgoing,bringingthemenashore。Asearchlightfromoneoftheironcladswasplayingonthegreatheadlanduptheriver,whereitmakesitsfirstresoluteturn。Overheadthenight—blueskywasintenseandclear。 \"There’ssomuchthatIwanttotellyou,\"shesaidatlast,\"andit’shardtoexplain。Mylifeisfullofjealousiesanddisappointments,youknow。Yougettohatingpeoplewhodocontemptibleworkandwhogetonjustaswellasyoudo。Therearemanydisappointmentsinmyprofession,andbitter,bittercontempts!\"Herfacehardened,andlookedmucholder。\"Ifyoulovethegoodthingvitally,enoughto giveupforitallthatonemustgiveupforit,thenyoumusthatethecheapthingjustashard。Itellyou,thereissuchathingascreativehate!Acontemptthatdrivesyouthroughfire,makesyouriskeverythingandloseeverything,makesyoualongsightbetterthanyoueverknewyoucouldbe。\"AssheglancedatDr。Archie’sface,Theastoppedshortandturnedherownfaceaway。Hereyesfollowedthepathofthesearchlightuptheriverandrestedupontheilluminedheadland。 \"Yousee,\"shewentonmorecalmly,\"voicesareacci— dentalthings。Youfindplentyofgoodvoicesincommonwomen,withcommonmindsandcommonhearts。LookatthatwomanwhosangORTRUDEwithmelastweek。She’snewhereandthepeoplearewildabouther。`Suchabeau— tifulvolumeoftone!’theysay。Igiveyoumywordshe’sasstupidasanowlandascoarseasapig,andanyonewhoknowsanythingaboutsingingwouldseethatinaninstant。Yetshe’squiteaspopularasNecker,who’sagreatartist。HowcanIgetmuchsatisfactionoutoftheenthusiasmofahousethatlikesheratrociouslybadper— formanceatthesametimethatitpretendstolikemine? Iftheylikeher,thentheyoughttohissmeoffthestage。 Westandforthingsthatareirreconcilable,absolutely。 Youcan’ttrytodothingsrightandnotdespisethepeo— plewhodothemwrong。HowcanIbeindifferent?Ifthatdoesn’tmatter,thennothingmatters。Well,some— timesI’vecomehomeasIdidtheothernightwhenyoufirstsawme,sofullofbitternessthatitwasasifmymindwerefullofdaggers。AndI’vegonetosleepandwakenedupintheKohlers’garden,withthepigeonsandthewhiterabbits,sohappy!Andthatsavesme。\"Shesatdownonthepianobench。Archiethoughtshehadforgottenallabouthim,untilshecalledhisname。Hervoicewassoftnow,andwonderfullysweet。Itseemedtocomefromsome— wheredeepwithinher,thereweresuchstrongvibrationsinit。\"Yousee,Dr。Archie,whatonereallystrivesforin artisnotthesortofthingyouarelikelytofindwhenyoudropinforaperformanceattheopera。Whatonestrivesforissofaraway,sodeep,sobeautiful\"——sheliftedhershoulderswithalongbreath,foldedherhandsinherlapandsatlookingathimwitharesignationthatmadeherfacenoble,——\"thatthere’snothingonecansayaboutit,Dr。Archie。\" Withoutknowingverywellwhatitwasallabout,Archiewaspassionatelystirredforher。\"I’vealwaysbe— lievedinyou,Thea;alwaysbelieved,\"hemuttered。 Shesmiledandclosedhereyes。\"Theysaveme:theoldthings,thingsliketheKohlers’garden。Theyareinevery— thingIdo。\" \"Inwhatyousing,youmean?\" \"Yes。Notinanydirectway,\"——shespokehurriedly,——\"thelight,thecolor,thefeeling。Mostofallthefeeling。 ItcomesinwhenI’mworkingonapart,likethesmellofagardencominginatthewindow。Itryallthenewthings,andthengobacktotheold。Perhapsmyfeelingswerestrongerthen。Achild’sattitudetowardeverythingisanartist’sattitude。Iammoreorlessofanartistnow,butthenIwasnothingelse。WhenIwentwithyoutoChicagothatfirsttime,Icarriedwithmetheessentials,thefoundationofallIdonow。ThepointtowhichIcouldgowasscratchedinmethen。Ihaven’treachedityet,byalongway。\" Archiehadaswiftflashofmemory。Picturespassedbeforehim。\"Youmean,\"heaskedwonderingly,\"thatyouknewthenthatyouweresogifted?\" Thealookedupathimandsmiled。\"Oh,Ididn’tknowanything!NotenoughtoaskyouformytrunkwhenI neededit。Butyousee,whenIsetoutfromMoonstonewithyou,Ihadhadarich,romanticpast。Ihadlivedalong,eventfullife,andanartist’slife,everyhourofit。 Wagnersays,inhismostbeautifulopera,thatartisonlyawayofrememberingyouth。Andtheolderwegrowthe morepreciousitseemstous,andthemorerichlywecanpresentthatmemory。Whenwe’vegotitallout,——thelast,thefinestthrillofit,thebrightesthopeofit,\"——sheliftedherhandaboveherheadanddroppedit,——\"thenwestop。Wedonothingbutrepeatafterthat。Thestreamhasreachedthelevelofitssource。That’sourmeasure。\" Therewasalong,warmsilence。Theawaslookinghardatthefloor,asifshewereseeingdownthroughyearsandyears,andheroldfriendstoodwatchingherbenthead。